Life, the Universe, and Strat-O-Matic
Volume I, Number 7
June 1, 2001
If there ever was a drawback to being smitten with the Strat-O-Matic Bug (besides wasting $70 every year and about a year’s worth of your life rolling dice) it would have to be the opinion’s drawn on actual baseball players because of Strat-O. Whereas, in days past my baseball heroes wore black and gold, thanks to Strat-O-Matic, my favorite players nowadays include: Mike Piazza, Carlos Delgado, Shawn Green and Mariano Rivera, just to name a few. Conversely, players I can’t stomach include: Pedro Martinez, Barry Bonds, Frank Thomas, Matt Williams, Mark McGwire, Mark Grace and Troy Percival. Why the love of some, the hatred of others? If you play Strat-O (and if you’re reading this article, there’s a 99.9998765% chance you do) you know why. Because I either have, or don’t have, these guys on my team!
Back in the day when I was young and foolish and free of the burden of Strat-O-Matic, I tended to like players who were on the Pirates (my all-time favorite team), or guys who’s baseball cards were worth a few bucks. My heroes used to include McGwire, Bonds, Williams, Boggs, Clemens. These guys all increased the value of my baseball card collection and/or were members of the Bucs or Bosox (my other favorite team since I went to school in Boston). I would cheer for Boggs to win the batting title, be awed by every “K” that was posted behind the right field bleachers at Fenway when “The Rocket” would pitch. Plus, their cards were always worth a couple bucks more than the average player. Nothing excited me more than my stock of Don Mattingly rookie cards, bringing dollar signs to my eyes with every homerun he would hit. But, then came my brainwashing at the hands of Strat-O, and ballplayers took on a whole new light as to which ones to like and upon which ones to wish a broken ankle.
Mark McGwire is the perfect example of a guy who had my opinion of him turned completely around just because I play Strat-O-Matic. He used to be one of my favorite players while on Oakland. After all, I had a whole cardholder sheet full of his 1984 Team USA rookie cards. But thanks to his repeated whoomping of homeruns against me over the years, I now hate, loathe and despise him. I was thoroughly disappointed that Sammy Sosa (who used to be on my team) didn’t beat him out for the most homers in a season.
While I am not quite the Red Sox fan I used to be, now that I no longer live in Boston, I should be thrilled that Pedro is the most exciting thing to come to Beantown since Larry Bird. But since he generally strikes out 8-13 batters every time I face him, I get more excited in the four starts a year in which he actually doesn’t last seven innings. Is that wrong?
On the other hand, thanks only to Strat-O-Matic, Mike Piazza is my favorite player, since I drafted him from Day One, and he has slugged 40+ homeruns and 100+ RBI every season for me. Mike Hampton is another player I like only because I have him and drafted him his first full year with Houston. It really pained me when both these guys ended up on the Mets, one of my three most hated teams in all of baseball. It actually didn’t bother me as much as it should have when the Mets went to the Series last year, because I would have liked to see them get rings. However, had I never been infected by Strat-O, I most likely would never have given either player a thought, as they both started on teams I could have cared less about (LA and Houston) and ended up on the Scumbag Mets.
Mariano Rivera and Kevin Millwood are other classic examples of players I like solely because of this infernal game. If the Yankees and Braves never won another game in their existences, that wouldn’t be good enough for me. I always have, and always will, absolutely despise the Yankees, and ever since the ’90 playoffs, feel equal disdain for Atlanta. Yet, I rely on these guys to solidify my pitching staff (although Millwood seems to have forgotten how to pitch as of late) and, thus, eagerly scan the boxscores to see if they remain hits under innings.
There are other guys, like Delgado, who I never liked in the minor leagues because he used to slug the ball against the Red Barons, and Green, who I felt was over-rated his first couple years, who I now hope will win the Triple Crown every year. Through drafting and trading I was able to acquire these players in two of my leagues, and I hope they continue to haunt my opponents for years to come, even though I wouldn’t have thought twice about them if I didn’t play Strat-O.
There used to be a time, in a league a long time ago, that I learned to hate certain players, not necessarily because they beat me, but sometimes just because a certain guy drafted them. One guy, who shall remain nameless, used to have the likes of Lou Whitaker, Paul Molitor, Mike Scott, Kevin McReynolds and Kent Hrbek on his squad. McReynolds I never liked because he was a Met, but I generally respected all the other guys. However, because I disliked his drafting and playing philosophies so much, just about anyone on his team would be declared a scumbag. This included Whitaker, who, until I started facing him playing Strat-O, had been one of my favorite players. Of course, that all changed when the first player I drafted in another league was Paul Molitor. He was a staple on my team until the day he retired, and I even named my team’s stadium after him!
Another guy, who shall remain Larry, also used to (and generally still does) have a drafting philosophy with which I disagree, in addition to disliking his touting of everyone on his team as being phenoms, while everyone you had was unlikely to even make his lineup even if he did you the favor of taking them off your hands. Thanks to him, I almost didn’t draft Piazza. However, whatever I may say about him, he does know how to research talent, and he drafted Piazza his initial call-up year with the Dodgers when he hit about .181 in 40 AB’s. Just because Larry had him, I almost didn’t take him in my other league the next year, despite a .300+ BA and 30+ HR’s. Thank goodness I didn’t let that sour my opinion too much. On the other hand, to this day I can’t stand Frank Thomas. Not just because he tends to kill my team, but because Larry was always bragging about “The Big Train/Big Hurt,” and this made me turn my nose up at the slugger. Thomas’s whining about not being paid his worth didn’t help my opinion either, but he was on the negative side with me from the get-go.**
Besides Molitor, I have switched likings on several other players including Gary Sheffield, whom I used to have and like, but now dislike because I traded him, and Juan Gonzalez, whom I used to dislike while on other teams, but now like since I own him. I have also gone back and forth on Barry Larkin. When he first came up with the Reds, he was one of my favorite players. But after being beaten by him several times when he was on other people’s teams, I began to hate the guy. However, last season I traded for him, and it took a long time for me to fathom that I actually possessed my once-favorite shortstop. I have grown to like having him up the middle on my team, so I guess the love-hate feelings have changed to love-hate-love…at least for now.
Strat-O-Matic will definitely tug at the heartstrings and test loyalties, if you let it. It becomes increasingly difficult to root for a player, even if he’s on your favorite Major League team, when that guy keeps slugging 10 homeruns a season against you, or throwing three shutouts a year against you in a fantasy league. So how do you deal with this dilemma? Try to acquire him if you can, though you’ll really be pissed off if he doesn’t perform in real life, since he’ll be hurting your Strat-O team as well as your favorite baseball team. Or, just sit back and think of him as merely a card with a name on it each time your opponent rolls 1-5 HOMERUN to beat you in the 9th inning of the seventh game of your playoff series. Or, every time he comes to bat against you, give him the intentional beaning (if you can intentionally walk a guy in Strat-O, why can’t you bean him instead??), thus, removing the danger of him beating you. Now someone you dislike anyway can drive in the winning run to turn all your ire towards him instead.
** Please note that the tone of this paragraph, as is generally the tone of this and all my articles, is written in a good-natured spirit, and not intended to be insulting or otherwise demeaning, not even to Larry.
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