Introduction:

Who is this man called The Strat Rat? He is not a rat, although there are some who would call him that. Rather, he is a highly placed member of the double super secret Major League Baseball Unit for Life Long Shameless Half-witted Industrial Tribulation, or Major League B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T for short. This top secret facility is located deep in the rain forest jungles of the islands of Trinidad and Tobago, and it conducts experiments and analysis designed at coming up with solutions to Major League Baseball’s ongoing problems.

The Strat Rat’s real name can not be revealed, for fear of retaliation by the MLB Goon Squad. Instead, Smak-O-Matic’s Steve Felson has been commissioned to penetrate the jungle fortress and the underground labyrinths that make up the Major League B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T. lair, and make contact with The Strat Rat. Many of you have wondered as to the creator of Smak-O-Matic’s whereabouts the last 6 weeks. It is only now, after the first information has been smuggled out, that it can be revealed that Steve has spent the past month in contact with the Strat Rat, and several others like him, who feel that the truth needed to be told to the Baseball public.

Convincing The Strat Rat to go public was not an easy task. It was only after My Sandlot agreed to pay him the sum of one meeelllion dollars, that he agreed to give us the information that he knew. After spending 3 weeks posing as a local reef bonefisherman, Steve received word to meet and interview The Strat Rat. Armed with a few tangelos, a thin mint and a Ouiji Board, he set off through the dense jungle. When he arrived at the designated location, he found instead a Message in a Bottle. The message said that a meeting was too dangerous, since the MLB Goon Squad seemed to be onto them. Instead, a document containing the information would be floated down the river to him each month during the full moon.

Another week, another brutal sunburn later, and almost out of tangelos, Steve was about the give up the chase of The Strat Rat, when a local, known only as Sugar Bear, brought to him an old bottle of McAllan’s scotch which contained the first of the smuggled out Major League Baseball documents. Over the coming weeks, you will read of the insidious plots and heinous experiments that are hatched and carried out in the draconian lair of Major League B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.

Be forewarned, what you will read is not for everyone. If you have a weak stomach or if you have a sound mind, you are encouraged not to continue on.

The first of the documents contained information on how The Players and The Owners were going to revitalize Baseball after the Strike of 1994, which cancelled the World Series that year. It involves such plot twists as major corporate manipulation, the dabbling in human cloning, and the general screwing of the everyday fan every which way but loose. It is called

The Mutated Major Leagues

Or

The Dickens League…It was the best of times,

It was the worst of times

Enjoy!