-- When we last saw Big Time they had just narrowly escaped the clutches of the evil supermarket manager who was attempting to throw them out before they accopmlished their task of obtaining two cheese graters for their first House of Hardcore match. We now join the duo still in the supermarket. Before us we see Scott looking on as Dave juggles celery sticks and heads of cabbage, doing his best impression of the Swedish Chef from the Muppet Show. --

Dave: Borg dee borg dee bork bork bork.

Scott: What the hell? Dave, are you okay?

-- Dave continues his impression as baffled shoppers look on. --

Dave: Hey, Scott! Go long!

-- Dave smiles as he leans back and hurls a head of cabbage in Scott's general direction. Scott makes no attempt to even move and watches the cabbage as it sails gracefully through the air and comes to a stop by crashing into a display at the end of one of the aisles. Shaking his head, Scott turns around to look at the latest damage done to this New Mexican supermarket. To his surprise he sees the very thing that they came here for in the first place, cheese graters! About twenty brand new cheese graters are scattered around on the floor. Scott runs over and picks up a couple. --

Scott: Dave! Look! We got 'em! Let's get the hell out of this place.

-- Both men begin to walk towards the front of the store only to find that every register has about twenty people in line. --

Dave: Aww shit. This is gonna take forever.

Scott: **shouting towards the front of the line** What's goin' on up there? We've got things we need to do! Move it! Hey, bitch with the coupons, put those things away! We've only got two items here! Where's the express lane?!

Dave: Calm down, Scott. Just follow me.

-- Dave leads Scott up to the front of the line and takes the cheese graters from his hands. He then pushes the lady in front out of the way, scans the graters himself, and drops a couple dollars down on the counter. Dave looks over to the rather large lady he just pushed. She's wearing red sweatpants, a faded Nascar shirt, Keds, and curlers in her stringy hair. --

Dave: Wash day tomorrow, huh? Nothing clean, right?

-- Both members of Big Time laugh and then walk away from the offended lady, finally leaving the store. Outside, a commotion has started in the parking lot. A van with "Channel 5 News" written on the side is parked beside a three car pile-up in a parking space. Scott and Dave walk up to find a young lady holding a mic and reporting the incident in front of a camera. --

Reporter: This is Miranda Vera Cruz De La Hoya Cardinal reporting live from the parking lot of the Sunshine Supermarket, where just minutes ago shoppers were shocked by a ghastly accident involving three vehicles. Let's try to get a word with one of the drivers.

-- Miranda shoves her mic in the face of a woman who is holding her neck and is in obvious pain. --

Miranda: Excuse me Miss, could you tell us exactly what happened?

-- Before the woman can even open her mouth Scott pushes her out of the way and steps up to the mic. --

Scott: Must be a slow news day, huh, Miranda? Well Big Time is here to make your rating go straight through the roof. Just keep the camera pointed in this direction as my partner Dave and I give Channel 5 an exclusive interview about our upcoming House of Hardcore match.

-- Miranda just shrugs and motions for the cameraman to keep shooting. --

Dave: Well, as all of you people should know by now Big Time has been forced to compete in the House of Hardcore's first ever card this week in a Green Bay Cheese Grater match against the team of Sexual Honky and Sex Symbol. Let me tell you something, Sex Symbol. The only things that you're going to symbolize after our match are bad wrestling and blood loss.

Scott: You see, guys, we don't like it down here. We're many miles away from our homes in California, it's hot, dirty, stupid... **looks around at some of the people** ugly. New Mexico is as close to hell as we can think of right now. Being here makes us mad. And when we get mad people suffer. Solley probably thought that it was funny when he tricked us into being sent to this toilet, but we're not laughing. Come Hardcore Heat this week you two fellas won't be laughing either.

Dave: When the bell rings Big Time commence a serious beating on you two and anyone else that stands in our way. 'Cause every opponent's face that we look into, we see that bastard Solley and his goons Reed and Jublome. We're gonna do to you what we can only wish on those three for the time being. So Logan Knight wants to stick us in some ridiculous bullshit gimmick match? Cheese graters and rope? Fine! We welcome any unorthodox challenge that you see fit to throw at us. You know why, Scott?

Scott: Yeah, because we're that damn good. We're going to give you guys a wrestling lesson, Symbol and Honky. We were never trained the arts of bleeding from the head or using cheese graters to win a match. We're wrestlers first and foremost, but we are flexible. If we feel like putting you in a headlock for twenty minutes, we will. If we want to assault you with a barrage of technical expertise the likes of which you have never seen before, so be it. And if we want to get "hardcore", we'll grate 200 pounds off your cheesy fat asses.

Dave: And if, I said if we do choose to get "hardcore", it'll be the damndest thing these New Mexicans have ever seen. But another thing comes to mind right now. Since beating Sexual Honky and Sex Symbol is already a done deal, Big Time has another event to look towards. The TV Title match that all of the winners will compete in at the end of the night. Well, I couldn't care less about that piece of crap belt. But it would be great for one of us to win that title and represent this federation that we think so highly of, right Scott?

-- The two men look at each other and begin to laugh uncontrollably. When they calm down Scott talks once more. --

Scott: Whatever the case may be, when we beat Honky and Symbol we will be forced to compete in that god awful steel cage weapons match, and we're not the kind of guys that will just lay down in a match. We'll defend ourselves and we will survive. Every man that approaches us will be dealt with in a very painful manner. Whether it's The Kid or Commish in a tire, Jenkins or Stitches with burns all over their bodies, Brown or Stained, who by the way will be brown stains after they're blown up, or Summers or Morrus in head to toe bandages, we'll beat every one of their asses. It'll be like an intesive care ward when the night is done. If the side effect of all that is winning the HOH TV Title belt then so be it. I'm sure we can fence the thing for a couple of dollars at a pawn shop around here.

Dave: So all of you intensive care bound idiots get ready for the BIG TIME! Thank you for your time. We now return you to your regularly boring sheduled news. Coming up next, sports! Oh yeah, you guys ain't got shit here in New Mexico. Never mind.

-- Dave throws the mic to the ground and walks off. Scott takes a look at Miranda, looks back at Dave, and then reluctantly waves bye to the young woman as he heads off in the direction of his tag team partner. Be sure to tune in to Hardcore Heat this week to witness the conclusion of Big Time's "New Mexican Oddysey". --

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