Language of the Sexes

~WOMEN'S ENGLISH~ "Yes" = No "No" = Yes "Maybe" = No It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now "Do what you want" = You'll pay for this later. "We need to talk" = I need to bitch "Sure....... ... go ahead" = I don't want you to. "I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset, you moron! "How much do you love me?" = I did something today you're not going to really like me for. "Is my butt fat?" = Tell me I'm beautiful. "You have to learn to communicate" = Just agree with me. "Are you listening to me?" = [Too late, you're dead.] ************************************************************************ ~MEN'S ENGLISH~ "I'm hungry" = I'm hungry. "I'm sleepy" = I'm sleepy. "I'm tired" = I'm tired. "Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. "Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. "Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. "May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. "Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage! "You look tense, let me give you a massage" = I want to fondle you "What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now? "What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question. "I'm bored" = Do you want to have sex? "I love you" = Let's have sex now. "I love you too" = Okay, I said it... we'd better have sex now! "Let's talk" = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me. "Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.