The Camping Trip from Hell

[The Gundam boys are again on another trip. This time they made it to their destination, with some help from Zechs and Relena. Zechs is letting the G-boys use his RV for the weekend as they go on a camping trip in a forest in England. Duo was ordered to stay far away from anyone who wants to be alone. They have been at the campsite for about two hours. Everyone is claiming their sleeping area. Only two people can fit into the RV. The others would have to use a tent.]

Duo: I have first dibs on the RV!

Zechs: No way, Duo. It's my RV and I'm older. I can't sleep on the ground. I have a bad back.

Duo: Yeah right, Zechs! You're nineteen! How can you have a bad back?

Zechs: You try piloting Tallgeese or Epyon!

Duo: Excuses, excuses. If I have to, I guess I'll sleep in one of the tents.

[Duo wanders off to find a tent that he can use. Heero walks up to Zechs with a surprised look on his face.]

Heero: How did you do that? Duo never does anything anyone tells him to. Just look at the last trip.

Zechs: You mean the one that you never finished?

Heero: That would be the one.

Zechs: Maybe he's afraid of me…

Trowa: I doubt he's afraid of you. He just knows that he can't win in an argument with you.

Zechs: I do win almost every argument I am in.

Relena: You do not, Zechs! I sometimes win!

[Relena runs up behind Heero and jumps on him.]

Heero: Get off of me!

Relena: You know you love me!

Heero: Wanna bet?

[Relena gets off of Heero and goes into the RV to get out the tents that they brought.]

Quatre: So, who gets the other bed in the RV?

Duo: I do!

Zechs: No you don't, Duo. You already said that you would sleep in a tent.

Duo: I guess you're right…

Wufei: Zechs, you are amazing. Not everyone can 'tame' Duo.

[Duo shoots Wufei a look and catches one of the rolled up tents that Relena tosses out of the RV.]

Duo: Hey, Wufei! How about you help me with this tent.

Wufei: It's not to hard, Duo. Untie the tent and pop it up.

Duo: Yeah right. You make it sound so simple.

Trowa: That's because it is that simple.

Quatre: I'll help you Duo.

Duo: Well, at least someone is nice to me!

[Quatre follows Duo as he walks away with the tent.]

Zechs: Who wants the other bed in the RV?

Relena: I don't want it. I'll be with Heero.

Heero [looking at Relena's smiling face]: Please can I have the other bed?!

Zechs: I don't care. You can have the one in the front.

Relena: Come on, Heero! Heero: No. I'm not sleeping in a leaking tent.

[Heero goes into the RV to move his stuff to his end. Yelling can be heard from the woods.]

Quatre: Duo! Let me untie it. You're hopeless!

Duo: I am perfectly capable of doing this!

Quatre: You are not, Duo!

Trowa: I think I'll go and see if they need help. Quatre might snap and kill Duo.

Wufei [sarcastically]: Don't go, Trowa. It would be a lot quieter with Duo gone.

Zechs: You hate Duo, don't you?

Wufei: I don't hate him. I despise him!

Heero: Lighten up, Wufei. Get him in an argument with Zechs and he'll be quiet for a while.

Duo: I HEARD THAT, HEERO!!!

Heero [to himself]: Like I care, Duo!

Zechs: I can see where this is going. How about we tie up Duo and put a sock in his mouth so he can't talk?

Wufei: That is a very tempting suggestion but he would find a way to drive us crazy.

Relena: He doesn't bother me any.

Heero: That's because you're just like him, annoying.

[Relena sticks her tongue out at Heero as she walks past him to watch Quatre and Trowa fight with Duo. Quatre comes back to the clearing they are in to report the status of the tent.]

Zechs: Did the tent survive the wrath of Duo?

Quatre: Well, it has a small hole in the top, it now does have to be unfolded and put up, and currently it is stuck in a tree.

Wufei: It is stuck in a tree? How the hell did you manage that?

Quatre: Well, Duo was trying to unfold it by holding it above his head and shaking it. The wind caught it, he let go, and it blew into a tree.

Wufei: He is not going to sleep in my tent! I'm not even going to let him near it! I have it perfect.

Zechs: Maybe he will content on sleeping in a tree…

Quatre: I doubt it. He probably will end up in my tent with me. I don't really care. Just if he stays on his side of and doesn't bother me.

Heero: I think you're the bravest one of the group, Quatre, or the insane one.

[Trowa walks into the camp with Duo following behind. Duo is carrying what is left of the tent, which is the string that held it together.]

Heero: So, that is all that survived?

Trowa: Yep. That's all that Duo could get out of the tree without killing himself.

Wufei: To bad you didn't try to get the rest, Duo.

Duo: Shut up, Wufei.

Wufei: I think someone needs a nap.

Relena: Be nice to Duo, Wufei. What have you done today except for making fun of Duo?

Wufei: I sent up my tent and I put my stuff in it.

Relena: Ohhh, you did a lot. Go get some fire wood.

Wufei: What?!

Duo: Hey, Wufei! If you go and get fire wood, you'll be far away from me.

Wufei: You have a point there. That's probably the most intelligent thing you ever said. I'll be back in about two hours.

[Wufei walks into the woods and starts picking up small branches. Zechs is making a fire pit as Trowa watches over his shoulder telling him where to put the rocks.]

Trowa: Put the big rock closer to the other rock so that they are touching…

Zechs: Trowa, I'm not an airhead! I think I know how to make a fire pit!

Trowa: Fine. I'll go and set up my tent.

Zechs: You do that. I'm almost done with this anyway.

[Trowa walks to the RV to get his tent as Zechs finishes the fire pit.]

Relena: Hey, Milli! Where did you put my one bag?

Zechs [cringing at the sound of the nickname Relena gave him]: It is on the shelf in the back of the RV. And… DON'T CALL ME MILLI!!!!

Heero: Milli? That's a new one.

Zechs: Shut up, Heero. Don't let Duo hear that name!

Duo: He won't, Milli!

Zechs: Duo, don't call me that!!

Duo: Why not? It's a cute name!

Zechs: No one calls me that! The last person that did that is still licking his wounds!

Duo: Relena can call you that. Why can't I?

Zechs: Because you aren't my sister. And I hate it when she calls me that and she'll hear about it when we get home! Trowa: I never thought you could be like that, Zechs.

Zechs: Oh, I can when someone calls me that.

[Zechs walks away from the finished fire pit. Wufei emerges from the woods with a pile of branches.]

Wufei: This should last us trough tonight. Where should I put this?

Relena: Put it over there, Woofy.

Wufei [cringing]: Don't call me that, Relena.

Relena: I'm sorry.

Wufei [to himself]: Who invited her on this trip?

Heero: She unfortunately invited herself. I just asked Zechs to come. She somehow followed.

Wufei: This is going to be such a long weekend.

Zechs [rubbing the bridge of his nose as if he is getting a headache]: Tell me about it. You don't have to live with her. Why do you think I'm always with Noin at the Lake Victoria base? I hate having a younger sister. Come to think of it, I hate having a sister period.

[Zechs walks away complaining] Why couldn't I be an only child…!

Quatre: I feel sorry for him. At least none of my sisters live near home.

Heero: You should be like Zechs! You have twenty-nine sisters!

Quatre: Well, they are all older than I am so they don't bother me.

Wufei: You're weird.

Quatre: I hear that one a lot.

[Quatre goes into the woods to wander around until dinner. Heero is lazily trying to light the fire. He gives up when the flame he started blew out when Relena walked past. Zechs goes over to the fire pit, kneels down, and picks up the matches that Heero left. He lights a match, puts in under the pile of sticks, and lightly blows on it to get it started. The sticks catch fire and soon the fire pit has a nice fire in it. Zechs stands up proud of himself.]

Heero: How did you do that?

Zechs: I did learn something at Lake Victoria. Other than fighting in a Mobile Suit that is.

Heero: Yeah. Where's Duo? It's been too quiet.

Trowa: I put him to work. Or at least I think he is working.

Heero: What is he doing?

Trowa: I made him go out and get more wood. But I doubt he got very far. He's probably out following a chipmunk or something.

Duo: Are you people talking about me again?

Zechs [sarcastically]: Of course not, Duo. Why would we do such a thing?

Duo: I heard my name! I know you're talking about me.

Heero: What if we are?

Duo: Then I'll… Never mind.

[Duo walks to his tent and goes in.]

Zechs: I didn't even have to argue with him. What did you do to him when you went on that road trip?

Heero: Nothing really. We all whacked him in the head a few times to shut him up but that was about it.

Trowa: He does seem calmer. Maybe it's just a phase.

Wufei: I hope it isn't a phase. I like him like this. But he does have his moments.

[Relena comes running up to Heero and jumps on his back again.]

Heero: Get off of me!

Relena: Who is going to cook tonight?

Zechs: Not me. I got the fire started.

Wufei: I suppose I'll cook tonight.

Relena: Good! The food is in the refrigerator in the RV.

Wufei: I kinda figured that.

[Wufei walks into the RV to get the food. Zechs sits down in a folding chair by the fire and pokes the flames with a stick. Relena is giving Heero a hard time.]

Heero: Get off my back, Relena! I don't want to hurt you but I will!

Relena: You know you won't. Look at all the times you said you were going to kill me but you didn't.

Heero: Who says I won't now?

Relena: I do.

Heero: Zechs! Tell your sister to get off of my back!

Zechs: Relena, get off of Heero. He doesn't like that.

[Relena ignores Zechs and holds onto Heero harder.]

Heero: Zechs please get up and get her off of me!

Zechs: Fine.

[Zechs gets out of the chair and walks over to Heero. Wufei is trying not to laugh as Zechs literally picks Relena off of Heero's back.]

Zechs: How old are you again, Relena?

Relena: I'm fifteen.

Zechs: Then act that age and not like you're five.

Relena [mockingly]: Yes, sir!

[Relena walks away to the chair Zechs was just in and sits down.]

Wufei: Hey, Zechs. I think Relena took your chair.

Zechs [sarcastically]: I didn't notice.

[Zechs walks over to a tree and swings up onto a low branch. He leans against the tree and watches what everyone is doing in the camp.]

Quatre: Duo is being too quiet. It's kind of scary. I don't like it when he is like this.

[Duo sticks his head out of the tent.]

Duo: Maybe I'm just tired of talking. Or I'm just tired period!

Zechs: Why don't you guys leave Duo alone for a while? It has been a long day for all of us.

[The pilots look up at Zechs, amazed about his sudden kindness toward Duo.]

Trowa: I guess you're right. We'll leave him alone.

[Five minutes later Wufei is finished cooking dinner and everyone gets a hotdog. Zechs stays in the tree; he isn't hungry. Duo drags himself out of the tent and gets something to eat and sits down under the tree Zechs is in, he apparently doesn't notice him.]

Zechs: What have you been doing in the tent, Duo?

Duo: Wha…? [He looks up at Zechs in the tree.] I didn't see you up there. I was just thinking.

Quatre: What were you thinking about?

Duo: Mostly what I'm going to do tomorrow. Oh, and just so all of you know, I was acting like this to give you guys a break.

Wufei: I'm sorry for making fun of you then.

Duo: That's all right. I'm use to it by now.

[The sky is slowly turning red and orange as the sunsets. Trowa and Quatre are telling stories by the fire; Wufei is sleeping with his back against a big rock; Heero is hiding from Relena who is in her tent watching a small TV she brought; and Zechs is slowly falling asleep in the tree. Duo walks over to Wufei with a long piece of grass in his hand. He climbs up onto the top of the rock and lowers the grass onto Wufei's face. Wufei bats it away and Duo tries to stifle his laughter.]

Heero: I think you should stop doing that, Duo.

Duo: Why? He doesn't seem to mind.

Zechs: He'll mind if you wake him up. He'll probably stuff that piece of grass up your nose.

Duo: Who says I'll wake him?

[Duo continues to bother Wufei with the grass. He almost falls off of the rock laughing when he succeeds in making Wufei sneeze. Wufei wakes up and jumps on Duo when he isn't looking. Now Duo is on the ground on his back with Wufei pinning him.]

Wufei: Do that again, Duo, and I swear I will throw you into the pond!

Duo [sarcastically]: Ohhhh!!! I'm so scared!

Wufei: You'd better be!

[Wufei picks up Duo and walks over to the pond in the clearing they are in. He counts to three and throws Duo in. Wufei walks back to his rock and sits on top of it. Duo gets out of the water soaking wet.]

Zechs: That was mean, Wufei. But I probably would have done the same thing.

Duo: I'll get you back, Wufei! I'll find a way.

Wufei: I'm sure you will.

[Duo walks off to his tent to change his clothes. Relena comes out of her tent.]

Relena: What happened? Did I miss something?

Quatre: Wufei snapped on Duo. Duo is now changing his clothes after having a nice 'dip' in the pond.

Relena: That was really mean, Wufei! I don't want anymore fighting.

Zechs: Don't start, Relena. You try spending a day with Duo. Hiding in the tent doesn't count.

Relena: But fighting is wrong!

[Relena then goes into a long lecture on why fighting is wrong and why everyone should be a Pacifist etc…]

Zechs: Just ignore her. She'll be going on about that for a while.

[Duo emerges from the tent in dry clothing. He sits under Zechs' tree and watches Wufei with a mean look on his face. Wufei just smiles at him.]

Wufei [sarcastically]: You look so happy, Duo!

Duo: Be quiet, Wufei!

Wufei [very sarcastically]: Stop it, Duo! You're scaring me!

Heero: Knock it off you two. I'm not in the mood to listen to your fighting!

[Duo and Wufei look at Heero and shut up as they see the gun he has. Relena banned all weapons from this trip, including the Gundams. But Heero and Zechs hid their guns when Relena checked everyone. There is silence for a few hours as everyone either sleeps or zones out. Relena comes out of her tent when her watch hits midnight.] Relena: It's midnight everyone! You should all go to bed.

Heero [to himself]: I didn't know you were my mother.

Relena: What did you say, Heero?

Heero: Nothing.

Relena: I thought so. I want all lights off at one 'o clock.

Duo: Yes, mother. Of course, mother.

Relena: I heard that too, Duo!

Duo: I know you did. That's why I said it.

Relena: I'm not going to fight with you. [Zechs rolls his eyes at his sister's remark.]

Duo [sarcastically]: Was I starting a fight? I didn't know that!

Wufei: You're not going to get anywhere with this, Duo. So, just give up.

Duo: Fine.

[Duo walks to his tent that he has to share with Quatre. Quatre follows a few minutes later. Wufei walks to his tent, which he shares with Trowa. Relena has her own tent. Heero drags himself to the RV while Zechs jumps out of the tree to put the fire out. He puts the fire out and then goes to the side of Relena's tent.]

Zechs: Relena, don't even think of coming out of there to bother Heero. Remember that I'm a light sleeper and I will hear you. So, don't try anything.

Relena [innocently]: I won't.

Zechs: Yeah right. [Zechs goes to the RV. The light is off on Heero's side so he is probably asleep. Zechs goes in and quickly gets changed for bed and lies down. He is soon sound asleep. He really isn't a light sleeper. About and hour after everyone is asleep Duo sneaks out of his tent. He decides to play a little trick on Zechs while he is sleeping. Duo had brought hair curlers on this trip just for this occasion. He gathers up about fifteen of them and quietly slips into the RV. The door was unlocked incase there was an emergency. Duo goes over to Zechs. He is sound asleep on his side with his back facing the door that Duo had come in. Duo sees his chance. He puts the curlers on a bedside table and gets out a dim flashlight. He puts the flashlight in his mouth and picks up a curler. He picks up a strand of Zechs' hair and puts it around the curler. He does this until all of the curlers are gone. When he is finished, he slips back out of the RV and goes back to the tent trying not to wake anyone with his snickering. In the morning at about six thirty, Duo is woken up by Zechs yelling threats as he hunts for him. Duo comes out of the tent very pleased with what he had done, until he comes face to face with a very mad prince holding a gun. Zechs had gotten the curlers out of his hair before anyone saw them, but now his hair is very frizzy.]

Duo: Nice hair, Zechs.

Zechs: I'm going to kill you, Duo! What did I ever do to you?!

Duo: You haven't done anything. I just thought it would be funny.

Zechs: Do you see me laughing? [Zechs takes the safety lock off of the gun.]

Duo: You're really going to shoot me, aren't you?

[Zechs drops his hand down to his side.]

Zechs: I won't shoot you, now. But do this again and I will!

Duo: I won't! [to himself] Man! Heero threatens me, Wufei actually throws me into the pond, and now Zechs is threatening me! Maybe I should watch what I do to the guys with the guns and will to hurt me!

[Duo walks back to his tent to get some more sleep. Zechs goes back into the RV and tries to get his hair straight again. Relena knocks on the door of the RV. Heero opens it.]

Heero: What do you want?

Relena: I just wanted to know what Zechs was yelling about.

[Zechs walks to the door with his hair wet but straight.]

Zechs: Duo thought it would be funny if he put curlers in my hair. That's all.

Relena: That's not what it sounded like to me. It sounded like you were going to kill him.

Zechs: Oh, I was. But I decided to let him go. He won't be so lucky if he does something like that again.

[Relena looks at Zechs hard.]

Relena: Do you have a gun with you?

Zechs [innocently]: Why would I have something like that?

Relena: Because you didn't give me anything when I checked everyone. Now hand it over.

Zechs: But what if I need to use it? [under his breath] Like if I need to kill an annoying kid with braided hair. Relena: Give it to me!

Zechs: All right! No need to get mad.

[Zechs hands his gun to Relena. But he has another one just like it under the mattress of his bed, just incase something like this happened. Heero also has a back up.]

Relena: You have one too, don't you Heero?

[Heero says nothing and hands the gun over to Relena. Relena leaves and goes to her tent to hide them. Zechs and Heero both get their back-ups from their mattresses.]

Zechs: I figured she would find out. But it'll take her a while to find out about the back up.

Heero: Yeah. Who should we make do the wake up call?

Zechs: I think Duo should. He would normally be asleep now. This is just a warm up for when I really get back at him.

[Zechs gets out of the RV and goes to where Duo is. He doesn't wake up Quatre, who is kindly sharing the tent with Duo, but he pokes Duo in the side with the toe of his boot. Duo groans but doesn't wake up. Zechs pokes him a little harder. Duo wakes up.]

Duo: What do you want?

Zechs: Heero and I agreed that you should wake everyone up.

Duo: Why can't you? You're all ready up.

Zechs: Lets just say this is the first part of my revenge.

Duo: Fine. But if Wufei hurts me, I'm blaming you.

Zechs: It wouldn't be my fault. You were the one who put the curlers in my hair.

Duo [dejectedly]: I guess you're right.

[Duo gets up, he is all ready dressed, and wakes up Quatre first since he is the closest. Zechs leaves to start a fire for breakfast.]

Duo: Quatre? Quatre wake up!

Quatre: Shut up, Duo! I've been awake. I heard what you did to Zechs. If I were him, I would have killed you.

Duo: I guess you're not a morning person.

[Duo leaves and goes to Trowa and Wufei's tent. He hesitates before he goes in. Wufei might hurt him if he is awakened. Duo builds up his courage and goes in.]

Duo: Wake up, guys! It's a beautiful morning! Well, maybe not for Zechs…

[Wufei flips him off and goes back to sleep. Trowa gets up without complaining and goes out side to look around. Duo whips the sleeping bag off of Wufei and hits him in the head with a pillow. Wufei wakes up and kicks at Duo but he jumps out of the way.]

Duo: You're about as happy as Quatre and Zechs! But Quatre didn't try to hurt me.

Wufei: What about Zechs?

Duo: He threatened to shoot me, but that's about it.

[Wufei sits up, suddenly interested in the part about Zechs threatening to shoot Duo.]

Wufei: Why did Zechs want to shoot you? What did you do to him?

Duo: I put curlers in his hair last night. He woke up this morning and nearly had a heart attack when he saw them. He got them out and came out to hunt me down.

Wufei: Why didn't he kill you?

Duo: He must have something else planned.

Wufei: Killing you would have saved him a lot of trouble.

Duo: You're so kind, Woofy.

Wufei: I know. And call me Woofy again and I'll throw you into the pond and you won't get out.

Duo: I think I'll be leaving now.

Wufei: That'd be a good idea.

[Duo leaves and goes to look in the pond. Relena sneaks up behind him and taps him on the shoulder. Duo would have fallen into the pond if it wasn't for a near by sapling that he grabbed onto.]

Duo: Don't do that to me! I nearly fell in!

Relena: Sorry about that. I heard about what you did to my brother. That was mean but if only I could have seen his face when he found out about it!

Duo: I can only imagine. I wasn't going to stick around to watch. He probably would have killed me. By the time he got to me, his rage was starting to subside. But I still thought he would hurt me. You know that he does have two guns with him. The one that he wears on his belt and then he has one under his mattress. I think Heero does too. Relena: What? I just took a gun away from both of them! They have another?!

Duo: Oops. Wasn't suppose to say that…

[Relena runs off to find Heero and her brother. Duo goes into the woods to make it harder for Heero and Zechs to find him when Relena takes away their last weapons. Relena finds Heero and Zechs talking by the fire.]

Relena: Where are the other guns you have?!

Heero: What are you talking about?

Relena: Duo said that you have more than one gun! I already have the first one. Hand over the second!

[Zechs and Heero get up and hand their guns over to Relena. She takes them to her tent to hide them along with the others.]

Zechs: Well, there goes the last one I had.

Heero: Same with me. Now how are we going to keep Duo in line?

Zechs: Well, threatening to throw him into the pond seems to work. But Wufei all ready has dibs on that idea. Heero: I'll just tell him I have a gun on me. That should work.

[Zechs and Heero sit back down by the fire. Heero starts to cook the food that they will be having for breakfast. Zechs decides to get up and get onto his branch in the tree to watch for Duo. Meanwhile, Duo is wandering around in the forest wondering when Zechs or Heero will come and get him for telling Relena about the guns. He walks back to the clearing to find Heero cooking breakfast, Zechs sitting in the tree; Wufei, Trowa, and Quatre cleaning up the clearing a little; and Relena sitting on top of a rock watching Heero.]

Wufei: Where have you been, Duo? I thought it was a little too quiet around here.

Duo: I was hiding from Heero and Zechs. Apparently, they don't care that I accidentally told on them.

Zechs: Oh, I care. I'm just going to incorporate that into the revenge I have yet to take on you.

Duo: Oh, joy. Should I even ask what you're going to do to me?

Zechs: You'll find out soon enough. Heero is going to help.

Duo [looking at Heero]: You are? Heero: Yep. I'm not just going to brush this away.

Duo [to himself]: Oh, joy. I have two very dangerous people out to get revenge on me. Sure, Zechs may not look dangerous, but give him Epyon and I'm a goner. Heero… I'm not even going to go into that.

[Duo sulks off to an area away from Zechs and Heero. He picks up some pebbles near by and starts flicking them at Wufei.]

Wufei: Knock it off, Duo.

[Duo hits Wufei in the back of the head with a big pebble.]

Wufei: Damn it, Duo! Stop it! Put the rocks down!

Duo [sarcastically]: Yes, sir!

[Wufei watches as Duo throws all of the rocks into the forest, all of them except one. He hides that one in his hand. Wufei turns back around. Duo uses the last rock and hits Wufei in the head again.]

Wufei: That's it! Get over here, Duo!

[Wufei chases Duo with some large rocks he picked up and throws them at Duo. Wufei chases Duo all around the camp. Everyone ignores them except for Heero who gets tripped over by Duo a few times. Heero gets tired of that and sticks his foot out as Duo runs by. Duo trips and falls onto his face and Wufei throws the rocks on him and again picks him up and throws him into the pond. Zechs is sitting in the tree rubbing his temples as he feels a headache coming on.]

Zechs: I wish those two could either get along or leave each other alone!

Trowa: You speak for all of us, Zechs.

[Relena hops off of the rock she was on and goes over to where Trowa and Quatre were cleaning.]

Relena: You missed some stuff over here, Trotro and Kat.

Trowa: Don't call me that, Relena! I hate that!

Quatre: Some with me, Relena. Either call me Quatre or nothing at all.

Relena: Fine. You guys are no fun!

[Duo emerges from the pond soaked to the skin. Wufei follows equally wet.]

Zechs: What happened to you, Wufei?

Wufei: Duo pulled me in. So, I pushed him under the water. He got out, as you can see.

[Duo and Wufei both go to their tents to change. Heero finishes cooking breakfast, which took longer than it should have due to the fact that Duo kept running past the flame and making it flicker. Everyone gets what they want and sit down to eat. Zechs somehow manages to get back into the tree without dropping anything. Heero orders Duo and Wufei to stay far away from each other. The silence lasts for about twenty minutes as everyone eats. Duo finishes first and goes to sit by the pond, which he knows very well. When everyone is done, Relena offers to clean up.] Heero: I think that's the most you have done on this whole trip, Relena.

[Relena blushes at Heero's statement because that is the most he ever said to her without being sarcastic. Relena collects the dishes and takes them into the RV to wash them in the sink. Zechs jumps down from the tree branch and goes to find Duo at the pond. He sees Duo leaning over the bank of the pond to look in.]

Zechs: Don't fall in, Duo. You have enough wet clothes.

Duo: What do you want?

Zechs: I just wanted to ask you some things.

Duo: Like what?

Zechs: Well, like why don't you and Wufei get along?

Duo: That's a hard one. I don't really know why he hates me.

Zechs: Maybe he hates you because you are always bothering him. Take earlier today as an example. You were flinging rocks at him and got him mad. And you wonder why he doesn't like you.

Duo: You have a point. Maybe I should stop bothering him so much.

Zechs: That would be a good idea.

Duo: All right then. I think I'll try that.

[Zechs goes to leave but Duo stops him.]

Duo: What are you and Heero planning to do to me?

Zechs: It isn't anything bad. I promise we won't hurt you.

Duo: All right.

[Zechs leaves and goes back to the clearing. His headache is starting to go away. That is until Relena is done cleaning up and is bothering Heero again.]

Heero: Go away, Relena.

Relena: Why? I'm not bothering you.

Heero: Yes you are. Relena: How?

Heero: You keep following me around.

Trowa: Relena, leave Heero alone for a while. You're starting to annoy me.

Relena: What am I suppose to do?

Zechs: Go pick flowers or something. [under his breath] Go jump off a cliff, stick your head in a fire ant nest, GO AWAY…!

Relena: All right. I'll be back later.

[Relena goes off into the woods to pick flowers or harass a chipmunk or some other animal. Duo comes back to the clearing, apparently not remembering the talk he had with Zechs. Duo has a stick in his hand with some pond muck and a water beetle on it. He walks over to Wufei and sticks it in his face.]

Duo: Look at this cool bug I found!

Wufei: Get that stuff out of my face. Couldn't you have just brought the bug with you?

Duo: No. The bug told me that it wanted to meet you and give you a present of pond goo.

Wufei [sarcastically]: How kind of it.

[Wufei reaches up and flicks the bug onto Duo. Duo picks it off and throws it back at Wufei after he throws the stick into the forest. The bug is volleyed back and forth for a while until it hits Wufei in the face. He picks up the now dead bug and chases after Duo with it. Zechs has had about enough of this and gets out his cellular phone that he had brought in case of an emergency. He considers this a big one; he may go insane. He dials a number and listens for the person he is calling to answer. The person answers.]

Person: Hello?

Zechs: Noin? Is that you?

Noin: Yeah it's me. How is the camping trip going?

Zechs: Listen for yourself.

[Zechs holds up the phone so Noin can hear the chaotic camp. Wufei is screaming at Duo and Heero is screaming at both of them. He returns the phone to his ear.]

Zechs: That's what has been going on since we got here.

Noin: I'm surprised you didn't kill anyone yet.

Zechs: Oh, give me time. I nearly shot Duo this morning.

Noin: What did he do?

Zechs: He put curlers in my hair while I was asleep.

[Noin bursts out laughing on the other end.]

Zechs: It wasn't that funny. Stop laughing.

Noin [trying to stop laughing]: I'm sorry. So, why are you calling?

Zechs: I was calling to ask if you could come here and bring your friend named 'sanity' with you.

Noin: I think I could do that.

[Zechs tells her their location and the rules that Relena gave them, not that they follow them, and he tells her to bring Epyon with her if she could and to put it far into the forest where Relena would never find it.]

Zechs: Did you get all of that?

Noin: Yeah, I got it. I'll be there by tonight.

Zechs: Thank you so much!

Noin: I'd do anything for you, Zechs.

Zechs: I'll remember that.

[Zechs turns off his phone and sits back against the tree, much more relaxed than he was before he talked to Noin. Wufei caught Duo again but Quatre told him not to beat Duo's face in. Wufei gets off of Duo and walks to a tree on the other side of the camp and climbs to a low branch and tries to ignore Duo, like Zechs is doing. Duo gets up and brushes himself off and looks up at Zechs.]

Duo: Why do you look so happy?

Zechs: I just made a phone call.

Duo: And that makes you happy? Who did you call?

Zechs: I called Noin. Who else would I call? Anyone else I would call is here.

Duo: You have a point.

Zechs: Hey! I'm not that boring!

Duo: Your not?

[Zechs throws a stick down at Duo and hits him in the head. Duo throws it back and misses Zechs by a mile.]

Zechs: Good aim, Duo. You would have hit me if I were standing over there.

[Zechs points to where the stick fell. Duo sticks his tongue at Zechs and walks to the side of his tent. Quatre is sitting in there reading a book. Duo starts scratching the tent canvas, trying to scare Quatre. It isn't working.]

Quatre: I know that's you, Duo.

Duo: How do you know it's me? I could be a man-eating bear.

Quatre: If you were a man-eating bear, I would hear Wufei cheering as it attacked you.

Duo: You're so kind.

Quatre: I'm just stating a fact.

Duo: I thought you were the nice one of the group.

[Duo starts walking towards the woods but turns around and goes back to the tree Zechs is in.]

Zechs: What's wrong, Duo? Afraid to go into the forest alone?

Duo: No. I heard Relena. She's coming back.

Zechs [sarcastically]: God help us! The sister from Hell has returned!

[Heero jumps up from tending the fire.]

Heero: Where is she?! I didn't think she would come back alive!

[Quatre and Trowa emerge from their tents to see what Heero is talking about.]

Trowa: Calm down, Heero. Try to ignore her if she comes near you.

Heero: Good idea!

[Heero jumps on top of a rock and stands there looking for Relena to come out of the woods.]

Quatre: I didn't know you told him to stand on top of the rock and be the sentinel?

Trowa: I didn't either.

[Trowa goes back to his tent. Quatre watches Heero wondering if he went insane. Wufei does the same from his tree branch on the other side of the camp. Relena emerges from the trees and Heero flies off of the rack and runs into the RV to hide. Relena has something following her.]

Zechs: What is that, Relena?

Relena: Oh, you mean Sakura? I found her in the forest.

Zechs: That's a cougar cub, Relena. Why do you have it? It's mother is going to kill you if it finds you with her kid. Relena: No she won't. She's dead.

Wufei: What did you do to it?

Relena: I didn't do anything! I heard some noise while I was picking some flowers and I went to check it out. I saw a big male cougar fighting the mother of this baby and both of them lost the battle. So, I went up to the baby to see if it was alright and it followed me when I left. Since it wouldn't go away, I named it and now it's my pet.

[*Author's Note: If you find a baby animal in the wild, leave it alone. Its parents are probably somewhere near by and will attack you if it sees you near its baby. So, don't touch or go near a baby animal, even if it looks like it has no mother. It probably does. Relena is just, to put it mildly, an idiot. *]

Zechs: Relena, You are to soft for your own good.

Relena: Can I keep her?

[The baby cougar is walking around Relena rubbing against her legs. Relena looks up at her brother and gives him the 'puppy eyes'.]

Zechs: I hate it when you do that, Relena. I'll think about.

[To Relena, saying the words 'I'll think about it.' Usually translates into yes in her mind. She walks off and goes into her tent, the cougar following. Zechs jumps out of the tree and goes to the RV door.]

Zechs: Heero? She went into her tent. You can come out.

[Heero opens the door and comes out.]

Zechs: You may want to watch out for her new pet.

Heero: Her new pet? What is it? A chipmunk?

Zechs: No. It's a lot worse than a chipmunk. It's a cougar cub.

Heero: A cougar?! Is she insane?

Zechs: I'm starting to wonder. Just so you know, it's name is Sakura, or Cherry Blossom. I hate to admit it but it is pretty cute.

Quatre: Oh, great. Don't tell me you're going insane too, Zechs! [to himself] Let's count the insane people, Duo, that would be one, Zechs and Heero, two and three, Relena, four… [Quatre walks away talking to himself and goes into his tent. Zechs goes over to Relena's tent.]

Zechs: So, who do you think is going to take care of that thing?

Relena: That thing is named Sakura, and we will all take care of her.

Zechs: I don't think so. I might help, but that's all your getting.

Relena: Alright. Then you can be the first to watch her as I take a quick nap.

Zechs: Whatever. [to himself] She still takes naps?

[Relena opens the flap of her tent and the cougar walks out to Zechs. It already has a collar and a leash on it. Relena must have been expecting something like this to happen. Zechs picks up the dragging leash and gets a thick branch to make a stake out of. He pounds it into the ground under his tree and ties the leash around it. He crouches down and strokes the cub's head. He is starting to like the cougar, even if it is going to grow into a huge cat.]

Zechs: What did Relena do to you, Sakura?

Sakura: ……

Zechs: I thought so.

[He leaves the cub on the leash and goes over to Trowa's tent. The cub sits down and watches him.]

Zechs: Do you want to cook tonight, Trowa? The fire is waiting.

Trowa: I guess. I was getting bored anyway.

[Trowa comes out of the tent and goes into the RV to get something to cook. Heero is looking at the cougar cub as it starts dozing off. It closes it's eyes and falls over. It sits back up and falls over again. The third time it falls over it just stays like that. Heero sits down with his back against the rock and watches as Trowa comes out and starts to cook something on the fire. Zechs goes over to the cub and sits down next to it. Wufei looks over at him with an amused expression on his face.]

Wufei: Did you find a new friend, Zechs?

Zechs: I may be able to use her. She will start to get tired of Relena after a while. She apparently likes me.

[Sakura had climbed up onto Zechs and is fast asleep. Zechs puts his arm up to support it so it doesn't fall.]

Wufei: You make such a cute couple.

Zechs: Be nice to me, Wufei. This cat has claws and it knows how to use them.

Wufei [sarcastically]: I'm so scared.

Zechs: I have to find a place for it to sleep. Relena won't want it in her tent, and I'm not leaving her outside.

Wufei: I guess that leaves the RV. It isn't coming near my tent.

Zechs: Probably. She can just sleep by a wall or something out of the way. I don't mind if Heero doesn't.

[Heero snaps to attention at the sound of his name being said.]

Heero: What? Oh, I don't care if the cat sleeps in the RV. It'll hopefully keep Relena away.

Zechs: I hope it does. I should have tied Relena up so that she couldn't have come with me. My mistake. But I do have some relief coming.

[Heero gets up and goes over to Zechs and sits down.]

Heero: What do you mean?

Zechs [whispering]: Don't tell Relena, but I called Noin and she's coming here tonight.

Heero: So?

Zechs: So, I told her to bring Epyon and her Taurus suit with her; incase I needed to escape.

Heero: I see, and you're just going to leave us here with your sister and Duo?

Zechs: No. I might give some of you a lift.

Heero: When did you say she would be here?

Zechs: Later tonight when it's darker so she can hide the Mobile Suits better.

Heero: I hope she comes! We all need someone sane to keep this place in order!

[Heero gets up and goes back to his rock. Trowa announces that supper is ready. Everyone emerges from their hiding places and gets some food. Duo looks down at the stuff on his plate that kind of resembles some kind of processed meat.]

Duo: What is this? It looks so… so…

Trowa: Processed?

Duo: Yeah that's it! Where did you find it?

Trowa: I got it from the refrigerator. It looked better in there.

Quatre: It tastes fine. At least it isn't poisoned, or at least I hope it isn't.

Relena: What is Sakura going to eat?

Zechs: I'll go catch her a deer or something when I'm done.

Duo: How are you going to do that? Are you going to use your teeth?

Zechs: No. I can teach Sakura how to hunt. It isn't that hard, I hope.

[Zechs eats as fast as he can and then gets Sakura from the stake. He takes the leash off of it and starts to walk into the forest. The cub follows obediently.]

Zechs [to himself]: Now I can go out and see if Noin got here yet.

[Sakura mews at Zechs and he looks down at it.]

Zechs: What do you want? Oh yeah. I was supposed to be getting you something to eat. Well, if we come across a creek or something, I'll teach you how to catch a fish.

[The cub purrs in response and goes up to Zechs' side and walks next to him like a dog.]

Zechs: You are a very pathetic animal.

[Zechs stops as he sees a light a little ways into the woods. He follows the path he is on, always going towards the light. As he gets closer, he can make out the outline of a very large object. The cub has to jog to keep up with his long strides. He comes to the clearing and sees his Mobile Suit, Epyon, with a Red Taurus next to it. Noin is standing next to the Taurus making sure it is turned off. The cub cowers a little at the sight of the large Mobile Suits. It jumps into Zechs' arms and hides its head. Zechs put his arms around the frightened cub and walks further into the clearing.]

Zechs: It's about time you got here, Noin. I was wondering if you got lost.

[Noin jumps at the sound of his voice and turns around.]

Noin: Don't do that to me! It's bad enough I have to be in here by myself!

Zechs: I was coming to get you! That's why I have Relena's new 'pet' with me.

[Noin looks at the cougar cub in his arms.]

Noin: That's a baby cougar! Are you people crazy?! Where are its parents?

Zechs: Relena was stupid enough to watch a fight between its mother and a male cougar, which was the mother's demise. She claimed that both cougars died in the fight.

Noin: Are you seriously going to let her keep it?

Zechs: No. I'll let her keep it just until we leave.

Noin: You are too kind for your own good, Zechs. Even toward your sister.

Zechs: I know. [changing the subject] I'm surprised you got Epyon here without over loading your Taurus suit. Noin: I'm surprised too. Although, my suit was making some strange noises while I was landing.

Zechs: It'll be all right. We should get back to the camp before Relena comes out to look for me. Everyone except her knows that you're coming. Heero is very grateful.

Noin: What do you think she will do when I just show up?

Zechs: I'll just tell her the truth. I called you to see if you wanted to come here and you did.

Noin: I bet she'll complain for a while. What about the Mobile Suits?

Zechs: She won't find them back here… hopefully.

[They start to go back to the camp until Zechs remembers that he still has to find food for the cub that he has in his arms.]

Zechs: I have to find a stream with some fish in it or something so I can teach this cub how to catch her dinner. Noin: As I was flying, over I saw a shallow stream in the trees just a little ways from this path.

Zechs: Great. Lead the way.

[Noin leads Zechs to the stream and Zechs puts the cub on the ground. It follows him to the edge of the stream and looks in. It sees a fish and expertly grabs it out of the water with its paws.]

Zechs: Well that makes my life easier. I guess its mother did teach it something before she died.

[The cub happily eats the fish as Zechs and Noin stand by.]

Noin: Won't Relena start to wonder why you have been gone so long?

Zechs: No. I told her I was going to take the cub out to teach it to hunt.

Noin: You never fail to amaze me. Does the cub have a name?

Zechs: Her name is Sakura. It means cherry blossom. Relena picked the name.

Noin: It's cute. [Sakura finishes her dinner and licks its paws and face. She then walks over to Zechs and sits down, obviously ready to go.]

Noin: I think she is done.

Zechs [sarcastically]: I didn't notice.

[They continue their walk back to the camp. Sakura is bouncing around them, full of energy from her meal. Zechs nearly trips over her twice as she runs around his feet. He picks her up and holds onto her so she won't kill either of them with her playing.]

Zechs: I wonder how Relena will keep Sakura amused. I'll probably end up taking care of that too. I had to take care of all of the pets Relena has had. We had a dog once; I had to take care of it whenever I was home. I remember I went to Lake Victoria for one week and when I came back, the dog had run away. I won't even get into what happened to the other ninety thousand pets we had.

Noin [sarcastically]: Poor baby. How did you survive?

Zechs makes Sakura flex her claws in Noin's direction. Noin laughs at him, picks up a long piece of grass by the side of the path, and starts to play with the cub.]

Zechs: I guess I'll give you the job of playing with her.

Noin: I don't mind. It'll give me something to do at the camp.

Zechs: Don't worry about that. You'll have plenty to do.

[They continue their walk back to the camp. Zechs sees the glow of the campfire up ahead. He can also hear Wufei yelling at Duo.]

Zechs: We're almost there, unfortunately.

Noin: What is Wufei doing? Is he killing Duo or something?

Zechs: No. He's probably just trying to catch him to throw him into the pond for the third time. Before we go any further, are you sure you want to come here? You may never be the same when you leave.

Noin: I can handle it. Why do you think I have the Taurus with me? I didn't just bring it so I could drag Epyon along with me. It's my escape if I need it. Do you know how hard it is to carry Epyon here on Earth?

Zechs: Don't complain. I hear enough of that from Duo and Relena.

[They enter the chaotic camp and nearly get run over by a very wet Wufei and Trowa chasing Duo. Quatre walks up to Zechs and Noin.]

Quatre: Zechs, Duo has gone too far.

Zechs: What did he do?

Quatre: He tricked Wufei and Trowa into thinking he was dead. He learned how to float in the pond just the right way so that he looked dead. Wufei and Trowa went to the edge of the pond to determine if he truly was dead and he jumped up and pulled them into the pond.

Noin: That was really mean.

Zechs: Well, now Duo will have three people getting revenge on him. I guess it's time Wufei, Trowa, and I have a 'revenge' meeting. Promise me that you won't let Relena find out about it, Quatre!

Quatre: I promise. Where are you having the meeting?

Zechs: Probably by the Mobile Suits. Relena hopefully won't get the urge to walk that far.