Soul

By: Merlin

"Oh god why does this always have to happen to me?" Hilde whispers softly,
her pain cracking her voice. Hanging up the phone she runs up she stairs,
before throwing herself onto her bed, "oh god, why do they always leave me?"
Tears practically choking her she sobs into her bed. He was gone the love of
her life the one she had sworn would be her only one, forever and always. "Oh
Duo why did you leave me?"
They had said that it would be a routine mission nothing new, something that
could never go wrong in a million years, never. That was what they had said.

"Okay" he had said his voice suspiciously quiet. Frowning softly Hilde
watches from her position, in front of the counter arms crossed starring at
the form that was trying to hide the caller from her. "I will be their
tomorrow at noon. Ya its no problem later"
"Another mission?" She had accused when he had turned, finally, from the
phone.
Looking up at her he hesitates "Yes" he conforms her worst nightmare. Nodding
softly she turns 'God why now? We are just getting our lives back together
from the last mission…why?'
"Hilde?" He whispers coming up to stand behind her. Wrapping his arms around
her he pulls her close, "It's okay Hilde Babe…I promise"
Pushing him away she frowns "That is what they all say…during the war,
Maramia they all say that. But how come it's never true? They always come
back; I love you Duo you would have to be stupid not to know it…. But why
can't we just live a normal life? I knew what I got myself into the moment
that I helped you escape from the moon base" she hisses waving her arm in
front of his face cutting of the remark that was coming, she knew it was it
always did. "You're my everything and I don't know what I would do if I lost
you…and yet I know one of these days you are going to leave, weather it is in
20 or 80 years you are…. There is nothing you or I can do to change that. I
just don't want it to be in weeks or days; I don't want to lose you. And
every time that you go on one of these missions you have that much more
chance of leaving…so why do I not like them? Because if you go there goes my
whole world!"
"Oh Hilde" he whispers his eyes going to a soft violet, the gentle deeps
turning there full intensity on her. "I love you just as much, and I promise
that I will never ever do anything on purpose that would take me away from
you."
"I know Duo I know" she whispers turning the ring on her finger, they had
been married for three years. And she loved him more every day, but the fear
was there is always was.
"I am yours" he whispers softly "forever"
"And I am yours" she whispers back turning in his arms she pull his head down
catching his lips with her own. Relaxing completely she sighs deeply.
"Always" she whispers into his mouth. Tilting her head she deepens the kiss,
tasting his mouth she groans while digging her hands into his hair at the nap
of his next. Pulling away she inhales his scent while burrowing her face in
the nape of his neck.

"God Duo why you to?" everyone had left her in her lifetime it was impossible
to keep anyone to long. She was cursed, and she felt betrayed and wished with
her whole heart that at this exact moment that she had never in her life been
born, she could not handle it anymore.
She had already tried suicide, but she could not make herself shoot herself.
She had always hated guns, and figured if she could survive a war with guns
than she could not for all the irony kill herself that way. So she had tried
to stab herself in the stomach, she had gotten to the point where the knife
was starting to hurt and had thrown it aside. Her stomach was the one spot in
the world that she would not hurt, that was were her future children would
have come from, and she could NOT make herself do that.
The next method on her list had been to she slit her wrists and that had
almost happened only, for the first time in her life she had been forced to
realize that she was not the only one in her life.

Shutting the bathroom door she sighs softly. He was not home but she still
had to be careful. Turning the lock she grins to herself the irony of it all
was too much for her. She who had survived all the wars was going to go out
and take her own life.

Turning on the water she sighs 'Please don't let Duo come home' she had had
enough of this life. A life where people were constantly leaving her and
taking a piece of her heart with them. It had always been this way, all of
her friends had gotten everything that they needed in life, a love, a home,
and they always got what they wanted. Pretty dresses, clothes, and were the
talk of the town not matter what they did. But it was never like that for
her, always hidden in the shadows with no one to love her, no one to by her
nice things. Moving along with her life she was tired of being left alone and
left out. They had no idea of course that this was what they were doing; even
Duo left her when there was some party. Pretty girls it seemed could be used
against her in so many ways. They always left her for someone prettier
someone with a bigger best line and curvier hips. She could not take anymore,
and so she was going to leave the world a world that no longer needed her.
Taking out her knife she slowly lowered it to her wrist, making a clean cut.
Pain and blood welled but she refused to cry out, reaching over to cut the
other a knock at the door startles her causing her to drop the knife and for
a curse to hit her. "Shit' she hisses, as it makes an anonymous clanking
noise on the floor.
In a louder voice she answers the knock while snatching it up. "Yes?"
"Hilde are you okay in there?"
"UM yes Dou" she says while putting the knife on the other wrist causing
another welt of blood to appear before it starts to gush. "What do you need?"
she says as she starts to go dizzy.
"Um…what was that dropping"
"My compact" she lies, as she owned no make-up
"Let me in Hilde" he says in a commanding voice
"Shit" she hisses again…he knew, she didn't know how he knew but he did "Um I
can't but I am okay Duo"
"Hilde babe let me in" he orders again.
"NO" she retorts anger starting to seep in; 'just a few minutes if I can keep
him busy for a few minutes.'
Suddenly it went quiet and she breathes a sigh of relief he must have given
up. Dizziness sweeping her again she gasps as she almost falls. Grabbing onto
the side of the sink she smears the blood over the counter top.
A sudden click at the door was her only warning as the door suddenly bangs
open. Looking up in shock she stares at the truly horrified Duo that was
looking down at her in a mixture of shock and anger. "OH MY GOD HILDE" he
yells before scooping her up in his arms. Grabbing to wash clothes he presses
them down onto her wrists.
Struggling against his strong arms she tried to break free "GOD DAMMIT Duo
let ME GO!" she screams horrified that he had gotten in.
"Hilde stop struggling" he hisses pulling her tighter against him "If you
think that I am going to sit here and let the one I love kill her self you
have something else coming sweet heart"
Kicking, screaming and biting him she screeches. "Let me go, Duo just let me
die, I don't want to live anymore" she hisses
"Then you are going to have to do it some other way" bracing her tighter
against him he stands up heading for the kitchen. Reaching into one of the
drawers he grabs some tape, before heading back towards the his bedroom.
Setting her down on the bed he sits down next to her once again grabbing her
wrists. Realizing what he was going to do she starts to fight harder once
again attempting to kick him.
"Hilde" he warns softly "stop kicking its not going to help anything" Refuses
to listen she screeches kicking him hard. "Sorry babe but there is no other
way" Reaching over he lifts her slim form with one arm slipping his legs
around her he pins her between them. Glaring at her he dares her to try to
move. Glaring back she breathes hard before trying to wiggle out, only Duo
had her pinned to tightly. "I can't breath" she hisses
"Well if you would hold still and listen to reason then we would not have
this problem." He retorts before grabbing her wrist. Wrapping her wrist with
the wash cloth he tapes it firmly holding the wash cloth firmly in place,
before he repeats the process with the other wrist.
"Are you going to try to take it off?" he asks softly. Looking up into his
eyes she shivers, shear anger was shinning out causing his normally cheerful
eyes to turn hard and cold. Nodding softly, she feels him release her. "Why
Hilde" he asks softly, anger still burning in his eyes as well as pain now.
"I…I cant do this anymore" she whispers
"Do what?" he asks, turning her head away she just shakes her head, tears
slipping down her checks. "Hilde" he whispers his own tears threatening to
spill down his face "talk to me"
"I…" she takes a deep breath "Cant take it anymore all the pain…all the
agony, everyone coming then leaving me. I just don't want to deal with it any
more…why did you stop me Duo?"
"Because if you leave me then I will have lost the single most important
thing in my life, you Hilde"

That had been the changing point in her life, and he had gotten a sworn
promise that she would never try something like that again. Tears choking,
her again, she sobs into her pillows. Sleep crowding in she succumbs to it
willing the pain in her soul to leave.

Waking up Hilde sighs, that was until everything came rushing back to her and
the tears started to come once again. Pain and torment were ripping through
her heart and soul.
"OH god Duo why?" the phone ringing brought her to her feet, and to the
phone. "Hello?" she answers. Relena's face coming on, seeing the gentle face
of her friend she swallows hard.
"Oh god Hilde are you okay?"
"No" she whispers shaking her head tears coming to the fore again.
"I am coming as soon as I can Hilde" she says pain showing on her face "Me
and Noin will be there in a couple of hours, Catherine is coming tomorrow and
The guys should be there within the hour. I gotta go to catch my plane I just
thought that I would let you know we were coming" Nodding Hilde shakes her
head as she cuts the connection. Nausea building up she heads for the
bathroom was she loses the remaining food from the night before.
"Another thing duo will never get to know about" she whispers to herself
rubbing her belly.

(At the funeral)

"Duo and I were married for three years" she starts while looking over the
crowed of people. There were no camera's or television people there at her
request. People had wanted to be able to come to the funeral and even
demanded there right to have the funeral of the great Gundam pilot but she
had refused, and Relena had backed her up. And so she was getting her quiet
ceremony "And I like to think that they were the happiest times of his life.
Because I know that they were mine. I will never forget him for he will
always have a special place in my heart. As I know he will yours" her eyes
catching Relena's she smiles wanly trying not to cry. "Duo cared most for
those he loved and would do anything in the world for those few chosen
individuals, the ones who held his heart. Something that only a few were able
to claim. It was because of this love and dedication that he is not with us
today. I want to thank each and every one of you for everything that you have
been able to do for him throw out his life and I thank you. Duo for the
happiness that you have brought into mine" blowing a kiss to the coffin that
carried his bruised and battered body she smiles tearfully" I love you
always"

(50 years later)

An older slower Hilde walks down the stairs, smiling at her son who was
holding her grandbaby. "Oh my" she whispers "he has his Duo's eyes" smiling
softly she takes the tiny infant into her arms before smiling at the happy
couple "What did you name him?"
"Duo" his father replies "After the Dad I never got to know, hopefully he can
live up to it"
"Of course he can" she whispers "he has his grandfathers blood in him, pure
and strong" Smiling she hands the baby back to his parents before heading
towards the kitchen. Stopping to stare at the pictures hanging from the
walls. It was who whole life, her wedding pictures as well as the first baby
pictures. Duo had left her but he still lived on through his children, she
had had twins a girl and a boy who had carried his traits on through them.
Bringing light to her life a life that was deprived of her one true love
something that could never be replaced. There was a whole in her heart that
not even her children and friends could help with for she had lost her soul
mate but had learned to live. To live without it, the most vital part of her
life, it was hard but she was starting to live it. Finally after fifty years
she was living her life the way Duo had always intended her to. Watching her
family always made her feel better.
Feeling sleepy she heads to the rocking chair in the kitchen next to the
window. They had gotten the chair right after her marriage and she had never
been able to get herself to let go.
Falling asleep she drift off to her dreams, dreams that were always so
wonderful and he was always there.

"Hilde" he whispers stepping out of the mists of time
"Duo" she sighs once again young the weight of old age gone from her
shoulders
"Its time Hilde babe" he says sadly "Time for you to leave if you wish"
"Leave? You mean die?"
"In a way, you would be with me and your family will be fine, your 88 my love
and you wont be around much longer as it is, this way though we will be
together"
"You mean we won't be if I die later?"
Shaking his head sadly he sighs "It is uncertain…we really do not know"
Blinking hard she smiles before nodding softly. "I will go"
Hope lighting his eyes, he frowns "But you will be leaving them all behind"
he whispers waving his hand pictures of her family show up "And you can never
go back"
Gently rubbing a finger down his check she smiles relashing the filing. "Duo
you are all I ever wanted or needed"
"Are you sure?" he questions?
"Yes" she whispers "Do you even have to ask?"
Smiling gently down at her he bends down kissing her gently on the lips, a
gentle kiss of promise. "I love ya Hilde Babe"
"And I love you Duo Maxwell" she whispers, shivering as she tastes him for
the first time in years. Smiling down at her he wipes the tears that she
never knew she had cried, from her face. Before gently taking her hand and
leading her into the mist.
"Always and forever"