The Hurting People XV

Tokoh saya kali ini adalah seorang 'ibu-sendirian', istilah bahasa Inggrisnya 'single mother'. Karena ibu-sendirian masih jarang di tanah air, saya tidak tahu apakah sudah ada yang menterjemahkannya ke dalam bahasa ibu kita. Tolong saya diberitahu kalau perkataan itu sudah ada di dalam kosa-kata bahasa Indonesia. Saya perlu memberinya nama namun melihat gejala akhir-akhir ini, saya bisa salah pilih nama :-). Jadi saya pakai nama 'Abcde' saja deh untuk ibu kita ini. Pasti tidak akan diartikan macam-macam atau diterjemahkan ke bahasa-bahasa lain :-). Tayangan saya kali ini memakai gaya dialog sebagai variasi. Akan saya sisipkan komentar disana-sini supaya lebih jelas bagi pembaca. Juga karena terjadinya di Toronto, Canada, saya akan memakai bahasa Inggris dan karena ini adalah "bahasa resmi" P-Net, saya yakin akan oke.

jusni: So what's bothering you most these days?
Abcde: I don't know, there are so many things bothering me but perhaps one thing that is really hard: that my daughter is on the street.
jusni: I see, how old is she and what happened?
Abcde: She is 16, will be 17 soon. Without any reason she just ran away a few weeks ago.

Komentar: sebetulnya saya bisa menanyakan lebih dalam, apa maksudnya 'without any reason', tetapi saya memutuskan untuk tidak menanyakannya kali ini karena ia sedang 'down' sekali dan saya mempunyai agenda lain.

jusni: So she lives outside your house. What does this make you, what's your thinking and feeling?
Abcde: It made me so depressed and I felt so awful. It is such a pain in my heart. I can't eat I can't sleep, even doing shopping is painful. Through my ex-husband who spoke with her the other day, I have told her that she is always welcome if she wants to come home again.
jusni: What do you want then?

Komentar: saya sedang berusaha mengetahui apa 'wants' atau keinginannya, apa 'needs' atau kebutuhannya. Ada banyak cara bertanya, saya putuskan untuk 'to the point' saja saat itu.

Abcde: (sambil langsung menangis) I want her back ....
jusni: (diam sebentar) So you want her back, to live in your house again. If she lives again in your house, if you have her back, what would this give you?
Abcde: I wouldn't live in fear like I am now, afraid she is going to take her life, commit suicide.
jusni: If she is back with you, you would not live in fear, how would this make your life different?
Abcde: I would live like a normal person again. I would be happy.
jusni: I see. What have you been doing lately to get what you wanted?

Komentar: saya sudah mengetahui sedikit keinginannya, kebutuhannya dan seberapa besar nilainya untuk dia bila mendapat hal itu. Sekarang saya ingin mengetahui apa saja yang telah dilakukannya. Dengan demikian saya tahu seperti apa usahanya dan seberapa besar suksesnya. Juga tergantung sikon saya bisa menanyakan apa maksud 'happy' di dalam kamusnya, atau dengan perkataan lain lebih mengerti apa keinginan dan kebutuhannya. Kembali saya tidak berkepanjangan sebab sebetulnya saya memancing atau mengarahkan ia untuk mengatakan bahwa ia tidak sukses di dalam berusaha mendapatkan apa yang ia inginkan. Kalau tidak begitu ia bukan termasuk orang yang sedang luka hati.

Abcde: Not much. Other than feeling depressed all the time. Should I call her? She left a phone number with her sister.
jusni: If I were you I wouldn't call her. If she is ready to come back she will definitely call you or try to reach you. Calling her at this point in time, from my experiences with situation like yours, is going to make things worst for you. You have already told her she is always welcome. So you did the right thing there. Let me get back to my last question. Other than feeling depressed and awful and hurt all the time, what else had you been doing?
Abcde: As I said, not much, what can I do? ... (menangis lagi).
jusni: Indeed, not much you can do to change things you wanted. She is out there and you are worrying sick. What good does it do you?
Abcde: I know it is not good, I felt sick, mostly in my stomach. Thinking about her caused my stomach to be churned. I am so scared she would take her life away.
jusni: Is that worrying and thinking about her get what you wanted? What you had been doing so far doesn't make her come back, does it?
Abcde: Of course not, but what else can I do?
jusni: Do you want to try something different?
Abcde: Sure I do, please tell me what.

Komentar: sampai disini saya sudah berhasil mendapatkan persetujuannya bahwa apa saja yang telah dilakukan atau tidak dilakukannya, tidak menghasilkan apa yang ia ingini, tidak memenuhi kebutuhannya. Ia sudah membuka dirinya, meski sedang terluka berat, untuk melakukan sesuatu. Banyak yang terlintas di kepala saya tetapi tindakan yang akan saya anjurkan harus mudah dilakukan, membantu dirinya, spesifik, memenuhi kebutuhannya, dan besar faktor keberhasilannya. Saya coba menyelidiki dan pertanyaan saya yang pertama di bawah ini pas.

jusni: Have you been getting support?
Abcde: Oh yes, my family and friends really understand and support me. I don't know what would happen hadn't they all been so understanding and comforted me.
jusni: Good for you, not every person has such family and friends. Often, those people would cause more suffering than comforting. So, that is one thing you can actively do. Draw support from them, talk to them when you are upset and sad.
Abcde: Yes, I will do so. Is there any other thing I can do?
jusni: For the time being, just draw support you can get and also remember, you are your only best friend at these point in time, so be good to yourself and try not to think about awful things. Most likely they will never ever happen and would make you suffer. Next time I meet you, we can talk about how to behave when your daughter calls you. Also for time being, if she calls, you don't have to make a decision right away. Tell her you need to think about it and then call me if you want to, so we can discuss.
Abcde: I know about that, I don't want to make decision on the spot.
jusni: Good for you. Not everybody can do that. Some people thought it is wiser or better to be able to decide right away. Okay then, I hope to see you again soon, so we can keep on DOING things rather than be miserable by THINKING and FEELING worried. One cannot control one's feeling that much, but can control one's action definitely.
Abcde: OK, I feel much better now. Thank you for your time to be with me.
jusni: You're most welcome. Good bye and good night.

Komentar: ya, seperti saya katakan di atas, tayangan kali ini lain dari ke 14 tayangan THP yang lalu-lalu karena memakai "gaya konseling" :-). Cara di atas dapat membantu segala jenis 'hurting people' dan semoga Anda mendapat idenya dan mampu mengembangkan atau memanfaatkannya di dalam situasi Anda masing-masing. Semoga seperti kata-kata di dalam doa Mother Teresa di tayangan terakhir Teresa of The Poor kemarin, 'O divine Master, grant that I may seek not so much to be consoled as to console', Anda tidak berada di dalam suasana 'hurting' tetapi sedang membantu yang terluka. Sampai berjumpa di tayangan THP berikutnya, salam dari Toronto.

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