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Ada tiga universitas di kota tempatku tinggal. Yang pertama, bernama Ryerson Polytechnic, terkenal dengan 'applied art'-nya, misal, konon kata anakku yang sekolah disana :-), "The radio and journalism is the best in the country." Yang kedua, U of Toronto, terkenal dengan sains dan kedokterannya. Medical school-nya pernah "menghasilkan" Prof Frederick Banting yang bersama dengan Charles Best menemukan insulin dan bersama Prof Macleod menerima hadiah Nobel bidang kedokteran di tahun 1925 untuk penemuannya itu. Yang ketiga, yang akan kujadikan latar belakang tayangan ini adalah York University. Sekolah ini terkenal akan ilmu-ilmu sosialnya dan kebetulan, salah satu acara Pram di Toronto nanti akan dipandu oleh beberapa propesor dari Joint Centre for Asia-Pacific Studies dari York U.
Nah, sebagai variasi tayangan kali ini, bukannya warga THP yang kuketengahkan tetapi sebuah hasil studi dari York U. Alkisah seorang bernama Anne-Marie Ambert, propesor dari Department of Sociology, Faculty of Art, melakukan studi berjudul 'The Effect of Delinquent Children on Parents'. Ia memulai studinya dengan pernyataan, "Parents of delinquent children often bear the brunt of society's condemnation led by a man from Texas named Mardi Pangestu :-). Ooops, tayangan serius, kuulangi,...society condemnation for their children's behaviour." Dengan studinya itu Prof. Anne-Marie mencoba untuk menghilangkan trauma yang dihadapi para ortu yang anaknya menjadi berandal atau kriminil.
Ia melanjutkan makalahnya, "There are almost no support systems for parents who face this situation other than Bang Jeha with his listening ears" :-). Hapus lagi beberapa perkataan terakhir itu, mana bu propesor kenal daku. "Parents are often left on their own to deal with the blame they get from social service organizations, the courts, family, friends and neighbours." Menurut beliau lagi, proyek atau studinya ini adalah yang paling menyedihkan untuknya, 'the most painful project I have ever undertaken', istilah tepatnya. "I started interviewing parents of juvenile delinquents in Toronto, but I found it so painful to interview them that I didn't want to do it anymore. I have done a study on divorce and interviewed hundreds of individuals; but I found that people are more traumatized by having a difficult or delinquent child than going through a divorce. Divorce is acceptable in our society but having a delinquent child is not. There are no shoulders to cry on. It was just too painful for me." :-( :-( :-(
Halo Mas Mardi HBO :-), are you still with me, masih menyimak kan? Beritahu saya kalau "kulit badak" Anda tidak setebal yang kuduga dan Anda tidak senang diberi atribut HBO :-) sebab Anda juga menonton ABC News :-). Kulanjutkan lagi yah. Kata Anne-Marie lagi yang kapok berurusan dengan warga THP beranak berandal, "If you have someone who has a child who died, and parents who have one who is delinquent, I think it's harder for the parents of a delinquent child. Typically, we always ask what parents do to their children, how did they treat their children if they turned out delinquent. We ask, 'Where did these parents go wrong?'" Di dalam studinya, Anne-Marie melaporkan bahwa dari 100 lebih interview lisan dan tulisan yang dilakukannya, 95 persen dari ortu menunjukkan stress level yang sangat tinggi, 80 persen sangat tidak hepi, 50 persen menunjukkan kemunduran kesehatan mereka. "When you read the case studies (dari para delinquent children), a minority of the children come from very dysfunctional homes. In MORE THAN 50 PER CENT of the cases, the families function very well. Some have very educated parents who have good jobs."
Ya, kata-kata dengan huruf besar tentu dariku. Meskipun sudah cukup panjang, tanggung ya Mas Mardi, kulanjutkan lagi dan semoga Anda engga gregetan :-). Menurut Anne-Marie, yang sudah kutayangkan sebetulnya, "The peer environment of children between 14 to 17 years of age has a greater influence than the parents. In spite of this, parents are blaming themselves because society has always blamed them. The mother tends to be more stressed but not much more than the father. It is a tremendous burden on parents. Their entire lives are disrupted. They wonder what they did wrong, even if they didn't do anything wrong. They cannot trust the child as they used to. The child is often difficult at home and has been for years. Society doesn't offer any comfort to these parents. When a child is delinquent, society, social services agencies, the court system, the school system (and Mardi Pangestu:-)) are looking for someone to blame, and it's almost always THE PARENTS."
"The blaming of the parents take away their dignity and their self-empowerment as parents. It has a boomerang effect in worsening delinquency. The parents see their roles taken over by various institutions that tell them what to do. The institutions will often tell the children not to listen to their parents. They will prompt the children to get the idea that their parents are not important. This is a disservice to the family unit, a disservice to the parent/child relationship, to the child and to society, because the family is the best place to raise children."
Kuakhiri dengan pernyataan terakhir dari ringkasan studi Prof. Anne-Marie Ambert dari York U, "Society has a tendency to neglect the concept that adolescents have obligations too. We are saying parents have obligations to adolescents, but not vice versa. We are taking away something from adolescents by removing their responsibility and we are not replacing it with anything that offers a solid alternative."
Nah prens sadayana, bila THP yang ke 51 ini mencerahkan atau bermanfaat untuk Anda, terlebih bila Anda adalah ortu yang sering dihantui perasaan bersalah, Anda tidak sendirian. Hampir semua ortu anak remaja, apalagi yang berandalan diliputi perasaan bersalah itu, trims kepada orang-orang seperti Mas Mardi. Namun, jangan Anda gedeg, gregetan, apalagi misuh-misuh ke beliauw sebab ia hanya membawakan suara masyarakat umum yang memang demikian, seperti terbukti dari studi bu propesor di atas. Pandangan atau teori "ortu bersalah" itu terjadi oleh karena yang bersangkutan tidak/belum tahu, tidak mau tahu, atau mengalami nasib yang mujur, anak-anaknya beres semua berkat hasil "pendidikan" hesbats yang dilakukannya. Kita semua patut berterima kasih kepada Mas Mardi sebab bila ia tidak berkomentar di tayangan THP ke 50 yang lalu, saya tidak akan "iseng" menayangkan tayangan ini. Semoga ia tidak menjadi THP :-) karena kugodai (ja'ilin) di serial ini. Salam dari Toronto.