Author's Notes: Kaoru decides to hold a dinner party to prove that she can be the perfect hostess. But will her guests survive the meal? Kaoru's Dinner Party Comedy Fanfiction by Gypsy-Chan. Enjoy! My notes: in the manga, kenshin and kaoru were married and had a son(himura kenji). KAORU'S DINNER PARTY One evening at the Kamiya Dojo Sano and Yahiko were enjoying the dinner that Kenshin had prepared. After the meal Sano leaned back and began chewing on a fish bone. "Ahhh! That meal was great. Kenshin you really out did yourself this time." Kenshin smiled politely. "Arigato Sano." "Yeah, it was good. I don't know what I was worried about. I thought you were going to let ugly do all the cooking after you two got married. But I'm glad you're still doing the cooking." Kaoru glared at Yahiko. Sano laughed. The dojo gates opened. Megumi entered. "Konnichiwa minna-san." Everyone returned her greetings. "Megumi-dono, would you care for dinner?" "No thank you Ken-san. I just had dinner with the Kikugawa's." Sano's eyes widened. "You mean that rich family that lives outside of town?" Megumi nodded. "They always throw big dinner parties. They must have had a feast! Why didn't you take me fox?" "Because chicken heads weren't invited." Sano frowned at her. Megumi giggled. Kaoru began thinking out loud. "Hmm, dinner party huh? I'm not rich like the Kikugawa's but..." Kaoru's eyelashes began to flutter, " I am very beautiful and I can cook too. I would make the perfect hostess at a dinner party. Don't you think Kenshin?" Kenshin smiled and nodded his head. "Forget about it ugly. You can't even boil water without burning it." "Yeah, Jou-chan's cooking is so bad that even the rats won't eat it." Sano and Yahiko laughed. Kaoru grew angry. "Go ahead, laugh. I'm going to host a dinner party at the dojo. I'll prove to you that I can be the perfect hostess. Now, let's see, what should I cook?" Sano and Yahiko stopped laughing and began to look at each other. Sano became worried. "Jou-chan, you can't be serious about cooking. You're joking right?" Kaoru looked straight into his eyes and said, "I'm dead serious!" Sano gulped. "Wait! We're sorry! Please don't torture us with your cooking," Yahiko begged. "Too late! The dinner party will be Saturday. Kenshin! You go and catch some fish. Yahiko! Sano! You two come with me to the market. Megumi-dono, here's a list of people you are to invite. Everyone let's get busy. I have a lot to do before Saturday." Everyone grumbled as they left to help prepare for the party. On the day of the dinner party, Kaoru was busy cooking in the kitchen. They heard pots and pans banging together. Suddenly, a dish fell on the floor. CRASH!!! Sano and Yahiko nervously looked at Kenshin. "How could you let her do this Kenshin?" asked Yahiko. We'll be laughed out of town. You got to go in there and stop her!" "Gomen Yahiko. There's nothing I can do. Kaoru only allows me to come into the kitchen to put the fires out." Sano said glumly, "We're doomed!" Suddenly, the door to the kitchen slid open. A fish was bouncing out of the kitchen. Kaoru was chasing after it with her bokken. She finally caught it. Kaoru held the fish tightly in her hands and said to the fish, "Next time, stay in the frying pan or else!" She took the fish and went back inside the kitchen. Kenshin, Sano and Yahiko all looked at each other and fainted. Megumi came in and revived them. They all sat up. "I brought two bags of medicine with me," Megumi said. I think we will need it tonight." They all nodded their heads in agreement. Finally, the night of the dinner party had come. As the guests arrived Kenshin and Kaoru greeted them. The first to arrive was Haijime Saitoh and his wife Tokio. Tokio handed her some flowers and said, "How lovely you look tonight Karou-san." Kaoru blushed and smiled. "Arigato Tokio-san." Tokio walked in. Saitoh looked at Kaoru. "You look okay for a tanuki (raccoon)." Kenshin put his hand to his sword. Kaoru held him back. "I'll take that as a compliment Saitoh-san," Kaoru said. Before walking away, Saitoh turned toward Kaoru and said, "I heard you cooked, so I ate before I came. You can serve your poison to the others." Kaoru grabbed Kenshin's sword. Saitoh smiled and walked away. The next guest to arrive was Yukishiro Enishi. Kaoru smiled, "How nice of you to come Enishi." "I wouldn't have missed my little sister's dinner party for the world." Kaoru gritted her teeth. "How many times must I tell you! I'm not your sister, you maniac!" Enishi smiled at her and then turned and whispered to Kenshin, "I'm the shy one in the family. My sister Kaoru is more aggressive." Kaoru grabbed Kenshin's sword. Kenshin held her back. Enishi turned to Kenshin. "So, how's my favorite brother-in-law? Killed anyone lately?" This time Kenshin grabbed his sword and Kaoru had to hold him back. The next guest to arrive was Seijurou Hiko. "Shishou?" "What? Did you expect me not to come baka deshi? I would never refuse an invitation to a dinner party hosted by such a beautiful hostess." Hiko kissed Kaoru's hand. Kaoru blushed. Kenshin became angry. "I heard that you have two cases of saki here. Now if you would be so kind baka deshi and point me to where the saki is, I'll be on my way." Kenshin grunted "that way" while pointing to the left of him. Kaoru giggled. The last guests to arrive were Aoshi and Misao. Misao was excited. "You look great! I can't wait for the dinner party to begin! This is going to be fun!" Kaoru smiled. "I'm so happy you both could make it. Come, let me show you where you two will be sitting." Kenshin looked at Aoshi and smiled. "Well Misao-dono seems excited." Aoshi didn't respond. "I hope you have a big appetite," said Kenshin, "Kaoru prepared a big meal for everyone. She did all of the cooking herself." "I've entered into a period of fasting," replied Aoshi. "When did you begin fasting?" asked Kenshin. "As of this moment." "Oroo!" Everyone was seated and awaiting dinner. Kaoru thanked everyone for coming. "Dinner will be served shortly. But first you must try the salad. I made a very special salad. I hope everyone likes it." Kaoru turned to her husband. "Kenshin, would you please serve the salad while I prepare the next part of the meal?" "Hai, koishii (darling)." Kaoru went back into the kitchen. Everyone eyed the salad suspiciously. Kenshin tried to get things started. "So, who wants to start first. Sano? Yahiko?" They both shook their heads. "Well we won't know how good it is if we don't try. Right Himura?" Kenshin smiled at Misao. "That's right Misao-dono." Misao held her plate up while Kenshin put the salad into the plate. Everyone nervously looked at Misao as she took her first bite. "Not bad." She ate more. Everyone sighed in relief. Suddenly Misao became dizzy and passed out. Before she could hit the floor, Aoshi grabbed her into his arms. "Misao! Misao! What's wrong!" Misao slowly regained consciousness. Aoshi was still holding her. "Are you all right?" "I feel… I feel hot. I'm burning inside." Kenshin was worried. "Do you need a doctor Misao-dono?" Misao replied, "No. I need something else." Aoshi noticed the way that Misao was looking at him. He immediately released her and began to back away from her. Misao let down her hair and seductively said, "Aoshi-sama, I need you… Now!" Misao jumped on top of Aoshi and began kissing him. Aoshi jumped up and ran out of the dojo with Misao in hot pursuit. "Come back here Aoshi-sama! I'm not finished!" Megumi walked over and examine the salad that was in Misao's plate. Megumi smiled. "Misao-chan ate the leaves from a plant that stimulates passion and other desires in a woman. Some women have been known to drive a man wild after ingesting one leaf." All eyes were on Kenshin now. He was holding the salad. "Oroo?" Sano glanced over at Megumi. An impish grin began to form on his face. He thought, "If Megumi eats some of that salad, she'll be all over me just like the weasel girl was all over stone face." Sano shouted, "Yo! Kenshin! I want some salad!" Then the other men started yelling, "Give me some salad!" "I asked first!" The men began pushing and shoving each other trying to get to the salad. Kenshin tried to get the men to settle down. "Men! Please calm down!" They finally stopped. "Gomen, (Sorry) I cannot allow anyone else to eat this salad." Hiko looked at Kenshin and grumbled, "Why do you always have to spoil our fun baka deshi." Kenshin tried to discreetly dispose of the salad. But before getting rid of the salad, his eyes began to turn amber in color. As he held up a leaf from the salad he though, "So, this little leaf could make a woman drive a man wild huh? If Kaoru eats this, then she'll definitely be able to satisfy the Battousai within. I think I'll save some of these leaves for her to eat later." (heh, heh) Sano walked over to Kenshin, "Holding out huh?" "Oroo?" "Sano I can't..." "Come on Kenshin. All I need is one leaf." Kenshin sighed and gave Sano a leaf. Sano smiled. "Oh yeah, Megumi's mine tonight." Kaoru walked back in and noticed all of the clean plates. "I'm glad everyone enjoyed the salad. If anyone wants more salad I can make more." Before Sano could speak, Kenshin glared at him with amber eyes. Sano pouted. Kaoru looked over to the place where Misao and Aoshi had been sitting earlier. "Where are Misao and Aoshi?" "Misao got a little hot so Aoshi took her out for some air," replied Sano. Megumi elbowed him in the ribs. "Ouch!" Kaoru smiled and said, "Now for the main course, I have prepared a special meal. Kenshin, please help me serve the main meal." Kenshin and Kaoru put the meal on everyone's plate. Kaoru went back into the kitchen to prepare dessert. Everyone stared at the covered plates. Sano looked at Kenshin. "Kenshin, you go first." Kenshin glared at Sano. Then he slowly removed the cover. He saw a crab on his plate. It looked pretty good. Everyone else slowly removed the covers off of their respective plates. Yahiko looked closer at his crab. "It… It moved." Sano laughed. "Don't be silly. It didn't move. You must be seeing things." Megumi moved closer to Sano. "I think Yahiko is right. I saw mine move too." Suddenly all of the crabs jumped off the plates and began running around the room. Yahiko's crab began chasing him around the room with a knife and a fork. Hiko had two crabs on his plate. One got up and ran away. Hiko said, "Now that's what I call fast food." The other crab remained on the plate. Hiko opened a bottle of saki. The crab on his plate looked up at him. Hiko poured the crab a drink. The crab toasted him and began drinking the saki with him. Enishi looked at the crab on his plate. "Would you mind going over there and getting the ketchup for me?" The crab went over and brought back the ketchup. Enishi said, "Arigato." The crab nodded. Enishi began conversing with the crab. "So, how was your day?" The crab sat down and began to snap his claws in Morse Code in response to Enishi's question. One crab pinched Tokio on the butt. Saitoh took out his sword. "How dare you pinch my wife's butt! I am the Mibu Wolf, strongest of the Shinsen-gumi. No one pinches my wife's butt and gets away with it. Prepare for battle!" The crab picked up a chopstick and took up its' fighting stance. Saitoh and the crab began to battle. After Saitoh defeated the crab he and Tokio decided to leave. "Interesting dinner party Battousai. I think I'll take some of your wife's food with me to work tomorrow." Kenshin asked, "Was it that good?" Saitoh shook his head. "No. I'm going to serve it to the prisoners on death row. It'll save me execution time." Kenshin frowned as Saitoh walked away. Enishi walked up to Kenshin. "Please be sure to tell my sister that her dinner party was fabulous. But next time, I think she should serve some hors d 'oeuvres before the main course. Something easy to digest. Like... piranha." Kenshin glared at him. "You maniac! Piranhas are carnivorous!" Enishi smiled. "I know. But there's no need to worry. The piranhas will commit suicide after eating your wife's cooking. They'll be easier to serve then." Enishi walked away. Kenshin thought about what he said. "I hate to admit it but he's right. I pity the piranhas." Hiko walked up and slapped Kenshin in the back. "Oroo!" "Your wife really knows how to throw a dinner party. She is the perfect hostess. I haven't had this much fun in years! Sorry I can't stay for dessert. I don't think she's going to have it ready in time." Kenshin was puzzled. "Why would you say that Shishou?" "Because I saw the dessert running out the back door." Kenshin almost fainted. Hiko grabbed the rest of the saki and left. By the time Kaoru came out everyone had left. Kaoru looked at Kenshin and asked, "Where did everyone go? I didn't get a chance to serve dessert." "They enjoyed your meal so much that they didn't have room for anything else." "Really?" "Hai. You really proved to all of us that you are the perfect hostess." Kaoru smiled. "Arigao anata." "I'm sure you could use a nice hot bath. Wait here while I go get the bath ready for you." Kaoru smiled as Kenshin went to prepare her bath. As he entered the bath house, Kaoru suddenly remembered something. She tried to reach him but it was too late. Kenshin ran out of the bath house screaming. He tripped and fell. Kaoru ran over to him. "Kenshin, darling, are you alright?" Kenshin looked down at his clothes. They were ripped to shreds. "Ka... Kaoru... What's in the bath tub?" "Oh, that's our dinner for tomorrow," replied Kaoru, "I'm making goblin shark soup. The recipe calls for goblin shark flavoring. But there's one problem. I don't know how to get the flavoring from the shark. So, until I figure it out, I thought that I would let the shark stay in the bath tub to keep it fresh." "Oroo!" "I'm really getting the hang of this cooking thing. Maybe I should start cooking more often. Don't you think darling?" "Kenshin?" "Darling?" Kenshin fainted. THE END