Whispered Goodbyes

(Author’s Note* There are spoilers here, for episodes 8-12, as well as
mild spoilers for the end of the Kyoto Hen saga, episodes in the late
50’s to early 60’s. these are characters Watsuki created, I’m just
borrowing them ^_^)

Misao looked out of the corner of her eye at Aoshi, her stomach in
uneasy knots at the lump in her throat mirrored by the lump in her
heart.

The seasons had cycled completely since his return to the Aoiya, and in
all that time there was question that burned at Misao’s heart. She was
too afraid to ask, not wanting to cause him either discomfort or remind
him. Nor had the timing ever seemed right. But she had to know, and
realized it would always be an uncomfortable question, but he had
changed a lot in the last few months. Finding a peace she had never seen
in him before.

Misao hurriedly glanced away from Aoshi as he turned around.

Hmm… she’s been acting strange all day, he mused as he savored his tea.

She was usually one who woke early, and had as much energy as the sun
must have… she seemed to beam and bounce around the place, but today she
had slowly and quietly moved around. Something was definitely wrong.

“Misao, are you feeling alright?”

She jumped, startled out of her own thoughts and rushed a hasty reply.
“Hai, Aoshi-sama, I’m fine.”

Aoshi merely arched an eyebrow at her but let the matter slide as she
joined him for afternoon tea.

She poured herself a glass of tea mechanically, the action was not lost
on Aoshi, nor were here white-knuckled hands.

She’s scared?

She sat down somberly and sipped at her tea unlike her usually downing
it in several gulps.

Something is most definitely wrong…..

She kicked herself to ask him but just sat there fighting herself until
she finally managed to say his name.

“Aoshi-sama….”

“Hai, Misao-chan?”

“Um…,” she spoke as she lost her nerve, “who made the tea so I can thank
them?”

“Believe it or not it was Okina.”

“Oh,” she replied as the room fell to an uneasy silence.

“Ao-“
“-sao”

The two of them looked at each other uneasily, Misao recovered faster.

“You first.”

Aoshi looked at her and sighed.

“Misao, whatever it is that’s bothering you, say it.”

She sighed and looked down at her hands as Aoshi slowly went through one
of the meditation techniques of the Oniwabanshuu as he waited for her to
reply.

“Aoshi-sama….. I…. there has been something I’ve been meaning to ask you
for a while…”

She feel silent as she tried to bring herself to ask the rest of it,
which finally came out in a blurred burst of words.

“Whydidyounottelluswhathadhappenedtothem?”

Aoshi blinked in confusion a moment trying to sort out the mumbled words
and paled ever so slightly when he deciphered them. His head bowed and
his bangs hid his eyes from view.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked,” Misao hurriedly began to run from
the room.

“Misao wait.”

She paused her hand on the door her back to him.

“Don’t apologize, you have the right to know. Please sit down?”

She nodded her head, as she turned around and reclaimed her seat on the
floor, her bangs shading her eyes from view as she stared and twiddled
at her thumbs.

“It was wrong of me not to tell you, but when I lost them, I… I wasn’t
really thinking straight. I felt alone, and part of me didn’t want to
send you sad news, I… we left in the middle of the night, you enver got
to say goodbye, and I didn’t want you hating me… at elast the part of me
that was still thinking, another part of me…. Thought they were all I
ever had.”

“Aoshi,” she reached out and gently laid a hand on his arm. “I don’t
blame you, I never did. It’s just… I miss them.”

Her voice choked over with emotion as soft tears slide from her eyes.
Aoshi looked first at her hand on his arm then up at her face, her sad
face.

“Your face wasn’t meant for tears,” he spoke quietly as he reached up
and flicked the tears away with a constricting pain in his heart.

“I am so sorry Misao,” he gently brushed the bangs from her eyes and
laid a comforting hand on the top of her head bfore he quietly got up
and began to leave.

“Aoshi,” she spoke around her tears. “I need to say goodbye to them,
would you please take me to their grave?”

Aoshi filled with guilt couldn’t deny her this request even though he
didn’t wish to return to the site himself.

“Hai,” he whispered so quietly as he left the room.
 

* * *
 

By the end of the week the two of them were on the road heading towards
Tokyo. Misao had sent a message ahead saying they’d be in the area and
drop in for a visit at Kamiya Dojo.

Their journey was quiet, Aoshi had returned to his usual quiet, moody,
brooding, and Misao was unusually subdued.

The only conversation between them was the absolute minimum necessary,
but neither one really noticed, they were too wrapped up in
introspection to notice much of the environment they were in.

Aoshi’s mind reeled, replaying over and over the fight with Kenshin and
Kanryu’s insane act of bringing the gatling gun down to bear on the
Oniwabanshuu and whoever else that was in the area.

He saw them time and time again lay down their lives for his, a life he
considered worthless. The look in their eyes as they looked at him,
their bodies riddled with bullets, as they smiled at him, glad to see he
was still alive as they died one by one.

The world had narrowed down to Hannya, Beshimi, Hyottoko, and Shikijo as
he watched them die, selflessly sacrificing their lives for his. Of them
all Shikijo had surprised him. He recalled their fights when they had
been enemies to when he had spared his life and Shikijo then served
Aoshi faithfully. But when he stood in the path of the bullets, that’s
when Aoshi could take it no longer, he snapped. He was to numb, to numb
to feel, to truly understand what was going on around him. It wasn’t
until quite some time later he realized it was quiet. His friends’
bodies lay before him, a living testament to their will. He got up,
ignoring his own pain, and one by one drew them over his shoulders
walked out of Kanryu’s mansion into the woods, and laid them there,
going back for the next, then the next, till all four had been removed.

He scraped and dug out their graves with the sheath of his sword. It was
long slow work, and it wasn’t until the eerie light of false dawn
cracked through the sky that their bodies were laid to rest and cover in
a blanket of earth. The anguish in him kept him going, he found four
large stones to serve as markers and carried them wearily to the
clearing in the woods, he lay each one down with a religious exactitude
and as he settled the last one into place, he collapsed with sheer
exhaustion and fell into restless dreams.

He knew not how long he had slept. He woke late in the evening, the last
rays of the sun disappearing over the Horizon. He stayed awake that
night hungry, famished and thirsty. He refused to leave their grave as
he spent his wake with them. After the hellishly cold night., he
stretched and got up a protesting knot of misery. He took one last look
at their graves, and turned around, not looking back.

At first he had wandered aimlessly, then changed his steps to return to
Kyoto, to the Aoiya, but he saw in his minds eye the disapproval on
Okina’s face, the tears in Misao’s eyes, and lastly, the life his
friends had wastefully saved.

I must be the strongest, to make their deaths not be in vain

He altered his steps and walked away from the only home he ever knew.
 

* * *
 

Misao took it upon herself to find a place to camp for the night, she
could tell that Aoshi was too pensive to be of any real good.

She walked off the road into a clearing in the rooms, Aoshi passed her
by still walking before his fuzzed mind made the connection she had
turned off the trail. He turned around and found her making camp.

“Misao?”

She looked at him with a soft expression he couldn’t name in her eyes.

“It’s getting late, we better camp now before we end up tripping in the
dark. Why don’t you start a fire, and I’ll go find us something to eat.”

He nodded in acquiescence. She walked quietly into the woods leaving him
alone with his dark thoughts, the iciness of his heart an irony to the
fire he brought to life.

She returned almost an hour later well after the sun had set, with two
rabbits in her arms.She handed one to Aoshi, and they skinned, and
cooked the rabbits over the fire. The skin being tossed far away from
the camp into the bushes for the natural carriors to take care of.

They ate in silence, the only sound the crackle of the fire, and the
soft hum of insects in the cool night air. So when Aoshi cleared his
throat it sent Misao jumping to her feet with knives in hand.

“Gomen… I’m a little edgy,”she apologized as she sat back down.

Aoshi nodded his head and quietly spoke, “We should reach the site by
midmorning tomorrow.”

Misao looked up and nodded her head slowly, grabbed her cloak, wrapped
it around her and fell asleep.

Aoshi looked at her as he slept recalling all too vividly the night he
had said goodbye to her.
 

* * *
He and the others had informed Okina that they were leaving. Okina
hadn’t been pleased but he let them go. Before they left, as the rest
were waiting for him in the yard he went by Misao’s room, he slid the
door open stealthily, to be rewarded with her sweet sleeping face, her
body sprawled ever which way in a way he found utterly charming.

He walked quietly into the room and kneeled beside her. He dared to
brush the bangs out of her eyes and kiss her forehead gently. She was to
sweet to kind to be associated with rough ones like him and the others.
She should never have to know battle. This little girl who had captured
his heart, who had been generous and caring and trusting even though she
had been an orphan.

He recalled the promise he made to her father as he lay dying, that he
would protect the girl. As well as, raise her with the others. That this
would be her new family.

He had been the one to tell her her parents were both dead, she had
broken into tears, tears that had been a knife to his heart, and
unashamedly flung herself at him, as he uncertainly wrapped his arms
around her.

He had become her big brother, and she seemed to shadow him even more
expertly and with more determination than most of the Oniwabanshuu
could. That’s when he and the others began training her. It would be
good for her to be able to take care of herself, and good for her as a
way to spend time with them.

He rarely smiled then, but he recalled fondly the sunny expression
always on her face. She refused to let life keep her down, and when he
left, he knew he’d miss hre. But he never realized just how much he
would.

He kissed her forehead and said a silent goodbye, knowing she’d be
furious and upset in the morning. He quietly walked out and slid the
door shut and met up with the others.

“Are you sure it’s okay to leave in the night like this, Misao-chan will
be very upset.”

“She’d be upset either way, and this is easier for all concerned. Let’s
go.”

The group of five had left the Aoiya, never knowing that only one would
ever return.

***

Misao woke early the next morning, and she could tell by the dark
circles under Aoshi’s eyes that he most likely didn’t get any sleep, or
if he had, it had been very limited and restless.

Wordlessly they broke camp, and set out for the grave site.

A few hours later, Misao knew when she saw Aoshi turn off the main road
they were close, and when she turned around a bend in the natural forest
trail, she saw the four markers and knew they had arrived.

She walked over to the marker on the right and knew with a degree of
certainity that left no doubt just who’s grave it was.

“Hannya….” she whispered as Aoshi nodded his head quietly. He was
slightly amazed that she knew it was his grave. Especially since the
graves were all unmarked.

She looked at the adjacent grave “Beshimi, Hyottoko, and Shikijo,” as
she nodded her head at each grave that was theirs.

“How did you know?”

“I know,” she replied sadly. “Call it woman’s intuition.”

Aoshi merely looked at her oddly and let the matter go.

She brushed away some dust and dead leaves from the top of Hannya’s
grave and sunk to her knees before it, the tears slowly emerging to
trickle down her face.

Aoshi looked sadly at her and the graves and went to turn around to give
her time alone, but was surprised to hear her voice.

“Aoshi-sama, please don’t go.”

The entreaty in her voice stayed his steps and he hung back.

They were both utterly still, and remained unmoving for hours as the sun
trekked across the sky and began to sink into the west. Misao cried
silently releasing all the pent up grief.

Aoshi as he listened to her soft tears hit the top of Hannya’s marker,
mixed with his own pain, closed his eyes willing the emotions to go away
to stay bottled up.

Seeing Misao in such pain, broke his heart, and after an eternity of
reluctance he walked forward standing just behind her, and laid a
comforting hand on her shoulder.

She reached up at his hand through her tears and covered it with her
own. They were that way for quite some time, before Misao looked up
through her thin veil of tears at Aoshi, smiling bitterly. She saw the
pained expression on his face as the wind tugged his bangs and laid his
eyes to view. The thin shimmer of tears haunting his eyes tugged on her
heart, until she stood before him, her arms around him, offering both
comfort and seeking some in return.

Aoshi numb with shock, then with his own need blindly wrapped his arms
around her and held her. Closing his eyes against the pain, and finding
a gentle balm to it in her warmth.

No tear ever left his eyes, none at least that either of them was aware
of. Misao had stopped crying well before she had put her arms around
him, yet holding him she felt another part of herself in pain yet being
strangely comforted.

The wind whipped around them, gently caressing and tugging at their
hair, until they slowly relaxed their grips, looked up and separated.

They looked into one another’s eyes, a wordless communication there.
Misao’s eyes usually so bright and vibrant, were sad yet so full of
love. Aoshi’s eyes were darker than even usual for him, but there was a
softened expression around his eyes, and somehow Misao knew that just as
much as she needed this, so did he.

Aoshi reached out to Misao’s face and cupped it gently, looking for any
remnant of tears to brush away but found none. Instead he gently brushed
away her bangs, as he let his hands return to his sides once again.

She smiled sadly at him and looked back over her shoulder at the graves.

“I miss them so much, I loved them so much. But it gives me peace
knowing that they’re still watching after us.”

“Misao, just what do you mean by that?”

She smiled back up at him and walked over to a nearby fallen tree,
sitting on it’s decaying trunk.

“During the fight at the Aoiya, I was hurt pretty badly, lying there,
and I saw Hannya, he told me that Kenshin had kept his promise, that you
were coming home. Somehow I knew I had to make sure I was both there for
you to return to, as well as the Aoiya. It gave me a second wind, and
though I missed them it touched me knowing how much they cared for me,…
and you too. I wish no one had to die, but I’m so thankful that they
saved you.”

Aoshi looked at her, not quite knowing what to make of it, but somehow
he was touched too deep inside. Moments passed neither one saying a
thing as he too sat down on the trunk of the tree. Finally he broke the
silence.

“I remember how you use to try to talk Okina into letting you drink sake
so you could breathe fire too. Hyottoko would tease you gently about it
and show off for you. I still don’t know how he learned how to make
fiery rings out of his mouth.”

Misao smiled softly, “I remember, he always told me that playing with
fire are for those with fiery hearts.”

“Hmm, sounds like something he would say, as Shikijo would tickle you
silly.”

Misao giggled softly, “He loved tickling me, even more he’d bribe me
with flower necklaces and flower crowns if I was a good girl, that is
until I learned how to make them. Then he and I would enjoy decorating
you with them. Then we got Hannya in on the act, he was the one who
snuck into your room that night and put them on your head.”

“That was him! I always thought it was you, you little minx! But I never
could figure out why I hadn’t woken up.”

“Easy enough, Beshimi put a mild sedative in your tea so you’d sleep
more soundly.”

“Oh, and just how much of this did you know?” he arched an eyebrow
curiously.

“All of it, but it was all Okina’s idea. He said you looked as planted
as a statue so we might as well make you look planted.”

“Nani?! I can’t believe that!”

“It’s true! He came up with the idea, and it was my job to keep you
distracted as he and the others conspired in the evenings together to
bring the plans to fruition. That’s when I’d drag you off from the Aoiya
to go catch fireflies.”

“Oh so I see. So as I watched you catch fireflies, they were catching me
offguard.”

“Something like that.”

The fading night gave way to the sound of their voices as they recalled
not the deaths of their friends, but their lives. For the briefest of
moments, a glimmer of a shade materialized in the clearing in the
shadows where neither one of them could see. He took of his ogre mask,
smiling, knowing now that he and the others could go to the next world
in peace, knowing that the two they cared most for were together, and in
that was their strength and happiness.

The spirit faded out as he joined his fellows passing into the next
world with joy in their hearts.

The End.