By: Jessica R. Biga (Christian School Student)
It seems like just yesterday when I was playing dress-up with my friends. Now my friends are turning into strangers, my play clothes are gone, and an empty closet looks out at me waiting to be filled. That is an example of my writer's side showing through. It's my way of saying I'm growing up. | ||||
I used to sit and dream of the day in which the world would be mine to roam. To be able to get up and leave on a moment's notice, without the permission of mommy or daddy, was my prize to be won at the end of my childhood race. I remember all the times my friends and I would lie awake till all hours of the night talking of our wedding day or where we were going to live or what we wanted to be when we grew up. "Those were the days of childhood dreams. Now reality is slamming me in the face and I don't know if I can hold my head up and push back. My head is telling me that I can't, but my heart is telling me that I can because I have You on my side, God. You, my encourager, my confidant, my best friend, my Savior, my shoulder to cry on, my sweet peacemaker are all I need rolled into one awesome being. | ||||
Everybody wants to know what I'm going to do next with my life. You know what? I don't know. I thought I did, but now I'm not so sure anymore and it really truly scares me. I have all these locked doors around me, but no keys to open them. You are my key and now I need Your direction to the right door, which is my future. | ||||
I have so many peoples' expectations piled up on my shoulders and I'm afraid I'm going to let them all down. God! Oh, God! Give me Your shoulders to bear all my troubles. Reveal Your plans to me so that I might rise up and run. | ||||
I look at my friends who know what they want to do with their lives and I feel like time is running out, like granules of sand sliding through an hourglass. God! Oh, God! I'm afraid I'm going to fail You and everybody that has put their faith in me. I've racked my brain and shed my last tear of frustration. What, oh, what do You want me to do? It's come down to the last leg of the race and just now did I realize and open my eyes to the truth. You are my truth and You are my future. Now I need to sit and meditate on You in the silence of my cluttered mind and listen for Your perfect words of wisdom that never fail. | ||||
Why didn't I do this in the first place? Ah, who really knows? Man thinks that he can accomplish everything on his own. Well, that is called faulty logical thinking, and until a person realizes this he will go on through life and try to make it on his own. Some succeed and some don't, but I'd rather have a one hundred percent sure thing on my side. | ||||
Despite the issue of what I want to do with my life is the issue of leaving behind the people I love and getting out of touch with them. I've grown up with most of them and even the ones that I've acquired lately I'm very wary of losing them too. What is a life without companions? Yes, you make your life, but a friend or friends always help. Yes, God I understand that the only person I truly need is You, but they are my earthly friends. You will put in my life the men and women that I need to help me along my path of life, and You will take away the ones that I don't need. | ||||
There are so many fears and ideas that I entertain daily that each day I feel like I'm farther from the end today than I was yesterday. I need to know how everything is going to be RIGHT now. I hate not knowing, but this is one of the many things that You are teaching me and I will learn to deal. I give my body, mind, and soul to You, like a puppet in his master's hands. | ||||