David Letterman making fun of George Dubya's Pretzel induced fainting spell:

Dave takes a seat at the desk and is immediately handed something hot off the wire. "I have just been handed this - President Bush has eaten a cheese sandwich, and he apparently did not lose consciousness. He is alert and talking with staff members. Repeat: The President has eaten a cheese sandwich and he is fine. More on this as it develops."

Uh oh, something else just off the presses: "I'm being told now President Bush has eaten a second cheese sandwich, and no complications have been reported. He is resting comfortably and is surrounded by loved ones."

Another newsbreaker: "Unconfirmed reports close to the White House say the President may eat cool Ranch Doritos some time in the next 3 hours. Dick Cheney has been moved to an undisclosed location."

Selected Letterman Top Ten Jokes
"Top Ten Signs Your Radio Shack Manager Has Gone Nuts."
#5 All answering machines come pre-recorded with several minutes of him coughing.

"Top Ten Reasons I, Jason Giambi, Want To Play For The New York Yankees."
#9 When you say, 'David Wells sent me,' you get half-price drinks at Hooters.
#1 After the game, cruising bars with Giuliani and picking fights.

"Top Ten Things I, Rudy Giuliani, Will Miss About Being Mayor."
#10 If I feel like sleeping in, I call a city-wide snow emergency.
#9 Naming a street after someone is a great, inexpensive Christmas gift.
#7 The look on people's faces when they realize the key to the city doesn't open a damn thing.

"Top Ten Suggestions The Public Made To Fight Terrorism."
#9 Special hotline to report anyone who looks 'shifty.
#8 Offer Taliban free HBO, instead of cable guy send Jackie Chan.
#7 Two words: spy monkeys.
#5 What are we waiting for? -- call Batman!

"Top Ten Least Effective Opening Lines For Telemarketers."
#6 Dude, did you know your phone number spells 'cabbage'?

"Top Ten Questions Most Often Asked At A 99-Cent Store."
1. How much is this?
2. Is this necklace real gold?

"Top Ten Signs You've Hired A Bad NFL Referee."
#6 Tells team, "I want a good, clean game that the Buccaneers win by over 5 1/2."
#4 Instead of using instant replay, makes players "do the same thing again, but slower.

"Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear From Your New College Roommate."
#10 I took the liberty of pushing the beds together
#9 You have two healthy kidneys, right?
#8 No matter what you hear, don't open this trunk

"Top Ten Lifeguard Pet Peeves."
#9 People who assume just because you're wearing a bathing suit you know how to swim.
#3 Narrow-minded lifeguards who just can't accept your relationship with the CPR dummy.

"Top Ten Things This Guy (Getting Gored By A Bull) Is Thinking."
#9 When I get home, I am going to kick the crap out of my travel agent.
#8 Maybe if I act cool, no one will notice.

"Top Ten Signs Your Senator Has Lost it."
#2 During TV interviews, says things like... (Video of Sen. Lieberman, "I'm going to raise your taxes so I can buy myself a sweet Camaro."