DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters in this story, they are owned by the late, great Douglas Adams who we will all (even the fans) miss dearly.

A Look into the Seeing Pool

by Alicia Evilstone

Arthur's eyes slowly opened to a hazy room he could not recognise. It was clean, white and very round. On top of all that he noticed that it was wet. Very, very wet. That's when he suddenly realised that the top half of his face was underwater.

"Ugh!" he cried impulsively pulling his face from the puddle. Upon removing his cranium from it he noticed what it actually was that he had submerged himself in was a toilet. "Ugh!"

"Ugh, indeed," it gluppled back at him. "It's about bloody time you pulled that bulbous head of yours from my crotch!"

"It talks," Arthur stated rather obviously. Somehow, this did not surprise him. Perhaps all of the fantastical things he had been witness to had left him desensitised to the extraordinary.

"It's talks," it mocked back. "IT happens to be the mystic pool of time!"

"You don't say," said Arthur inspecting himself in the bowl's reflection. For some reason he was wearing a sparkling aqua blue suit with a pink tie and what would appear to be Batman's mask and cape. Also, from what he could deduce from the numbness of his flesh and the rough grit on his face he had stayed up rather late at some kind of a wild party.

"I can tell that you're not interested," the toilet blobbled to him.

"No, really, I am," Arthur lied, "I'm just trying to determine where it is that I am, even though I've never been to this part of the galaxy before. Er..."

"I'll have you know that the great Gaphon of Valgathron IV saw his own future in my reflection of him," the pool bragged in a very liquidish way.

"Gaphon of Vulgar..." Arthur, as usual, was confused.

"Of course," it doopled moanishly, "You're a pitiful Earth-man, aren't you, Arthur Dent? I shouldn't be surprised that you've never heard of Gaphon of Valgathron IV. After all, I am the mystic all-seeing pool of time!"

"So you said." Arthur continued to feign interest. He pulled away the Batman mask and continued to study it further. It would appear that on the lower end of the cape, towards where his bottom would have been, was written the words 'PINCH ME' in red felt. Suddenly his attention snapped to the pool. "Excuse me, but how do I know you?"

Though the pool just continued to gargle its ramblings. "Oh, but like that matters to you, right? So I have developed the amazing power of seeing all that will be. Boo-bloody-hoo. I also have the misfortune of seeing you in twenty minutes when your friend Ford arrives to pick you up and behind my back, as you're flying away, you comment on what an annoyingly curious character I am, and that come to think of it, you remember it telling you about this... and this... and this!"

"Excuse me," Arthur interrupted, "but how do I know you?"

"We met after the party," it scowled blooblishly. "You'd had a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster and one Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster too many. You were in a coma for days and Ford was scared you'd relieve yourself in his friend's ship. That's when he let you out here on me. There's one thing I can say about you, Arthur Dent, you pathetic little whelp, and that is that you're a cheap drunk!"

"Now hang on a moment..." Arthur was about to give it a piece of his mind when suddenly it went blank. Perhaps it was the after-effects of the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. For a moment there was an awkward pause.

"Yes?" The toilet knew in itself that it's never a good idea to leave anything lingering.

"Um..." Arthur struggled to find something to say. His eyes scanned the pink desert landscape and starry sky to try and find something obvious to bring to their attention. He found nothing. "So you read the future, do you?"

"Not that you care, but yes," it splashled mopishly. "And my spirit brother is a washing machine that makes wishes come true!"

"Really?" Arthur's interest was suddenly piqued. Maybe he could wish for Fenchurch to appear again, and together the two of them can settle down with Random. Oh, what a happy family they could be.

"No, you stupid pommy git!" If the toilet could pout, it would have. "Here I am with the remarkable gift of foresight and you're treating it like chopped liver!"

"Alright, fine," Arthur relented. "Why don't you show me the future then and we'll call it even?"

"No," it slopped sadly. "You have to ask me for it. Nicely."

With a sigh Arthur asked it, "Please show me the future, I am just dying to know what happens next."

The pool was silent, as if gloating. "Now beg me for it."

"Beg you for it?" Arthur stood up in outrage. "If you'd like I could leave you alone here in the wilderness and I can wait for my friends somewhere else and..."

"No, please don't," it begged back, "I'll show you your future. Just stay, please?"

"Very well," said Arthur sitting respectfully by the mouth of the bowl. The water bubbled in a very pleased fashion.

"And now, Arthur Dent," it dribbled over the edge, "Prepare to peer into the future!"

A number of coloured lights glowed from the toilet's base and in the echoing waters of time and space an image appeared before Arthur and the mysterious pool. In it he could see an image of the cosmic pool of time, still stranded in the pink desert and then a white, blinding light encompassing them all before fading into nothing.

"What the hell was that?" Arthur bellowed, disappointed at the anti-climax.

"That," said the pool, "was the end of the universe."

"Yes, yes, yes, I've seen it before," muttered Arthur. "What else can you show me?"

"Look, it's not all of us who get to see the end of everything in our lifetime, okay?" The pool was really getting pissed off by this point.

"You're the all-seeing pool of time!" Arthur argued. "You can see the end of everything anytime you want! What else can you show me?"

"Behold, your future," the pool offered gurglishly. The waters shimmered again and in the reflection Arthur could see a giant metallic monster, rampaging over an alien city, destroying everything in its wake.

"Is that..." stammered Arthur. "Is that me?"

"Don't be silly, you festering boil on the arsehole of eternity," spat the pool in an angry splash. "That is the future... of Zaphod Beeblebrox!"

"What in the hell happened to him?" Arthur studied the image more closely, but could not seem to find a resemblance.

"His second head went crazy," the pool informed him. "As it turns out he couldn't take anymore of Zaphod, killed the other head and became a rampaging monster."

"I've heard of venting your anger but this is ridiculous."

"Beware, Arthur Dent," the pool warned him with a slurp. "Beware..."

Arthur stared at it curiously. "Hello? Why have you stopped talking?"

The toilet groaned. "I was trying to be dramatic! Your friends are going to land any second now and I want you to leave here wondering."

"Oh," said Arthur, "well..."

"Just go."

"Alright." Arthur turned around and began to walk away. He stared up to the sky trying to pinpoint where his friend's ship might be coming from. He couldn't wait either, because now he really had to tell Ford about this annoyingly curious character he'd just met.

THE END