Candle in my heart 

 ‘What do you want to eat tonight? I am going to make roasted chicken. Do you like it?’

 ‘Oh Dear! You have already asked me this question five times today’

    'What? Five times?’ she replies with much confusion, ‘It's my first time today. Darling!’

     Recently, Rose has been calling to my office and asking me the same questions many times. 

Did she joke with me? Impossible. She has a lot of work to do in the office everyday. She did not

 need to do that to fill her days. Sometimes I think she has quit her job. However, it's impossible

 either because she still works on her projects till midnight as usual. Hence, I start to worry that 

something has been going wrong with her.

     I visit Dr. Jim, one of my old, best friends, and describe her case to him.

 ‘Really? Are you sure she's not kidding?’ he asks.

 ‘Yes, I can't find she has any reasons to do so.’

 ‘Umm…George. Listen. She might have senile dementia. But you'd better take her for detailed checking.’

	 It is hard for me to believe at that moment. I am always proud of having Rose as my wife. She is very 

responsible, taking great care of my 2 lovely children and me. Every part of our whims is filled with her love 

and care. That's why I always thank God for giving me such a good wife. Rose, to me, is a gift from God.

	However, with time gone by, her illness is getting worse. In supermarkets, she always puts our things 

in others’ 

trolleys. At home, she usually picks flowers from neighbors and transplants them into our tiny garden. Her 

boss has laid her off, saying that she is no longer a capable person. Hence, I know that I cannot escape any 

more. I have to take her to university hospital for detailed checking.

	When the doctor asks about her adolescence, she can answer all the questions quite well. However, when 

he talks about recent  events with her, she just rolls her eyes to me. After the checking, Rose becomes a

 new confirmed case of senile dementia. At that fabric of moment, I suddenly feel that I am a useless man.

 I can't stand any more. I will go under and drown.

	Many of my friends suggest different kinds of therapies like Chinese medicine and chemical radiology

 to me. Some of them even suggest driving evil spirits away from her body. I thank for their kindness, but

 what I actually desire is the grace from God. I strongly believe that a miracle happens if God wants. From 

then onward, I pray every night, begging for power and strength to face this challenge.

	Deep down my heart, I know that such a miracle will not appear at least in the short term. She does not

 get any better. She always says ‘Yes’ with ‘No’ and ‘Can’with ‘Can't’. Sometimes, when she 

is watching TV programme about Senile dementia, she must ask ,‘Darling, I wonder whether I will be a

 patient of senile dementia in near future.’ I do not know how to reply, so I just smile to her.

	However, I do not think that God has left us away. His mercy is still around. Rose still remembers me well. 

‘I love you so much.’ She says to me every day when I go to work.

	 Because of her illness, I intend to quit my post in the Bible college.

    ‘You want to quit?’ One of my seniors asks with astonishment.

     ‘Yes, I need more time to take care of Rose.’

    ‘I know you love Rose. However, serving God is the first priority in our life.’

     ‘But I can’t leave her alone at home at all times. She needs care.’

    ‘Have you thought of other alternatives? For example, sending her to an elderly home in which she can

 be well cared.’

	It seems she has heard our conversation. From that day onward, when I go to work, she must ask, 

‘When will you come back? Don't leave me alone for long.’ Even though my office is just a mile away

 from home, she, recently, has started to hang around the garden in my college. Every time when I look

 at her from the window, I ask myself,‘ Should I need to quit my job? Should I leave her in an elderly 

home? What should I do?’

	I pray, telling Him that I am very frustrated and tired of thinking about it. I know I am weak. 

I know I am stupid. God, could you light up the candle in my heart? Could you give me guidance 

and a way out? I am really exhausted. I also feel scared for I don’t know how to face Rose.

	God really listens to my prayer. He understands my concerns and needs. A few days later,

 I can get the answer which makes my road ahead completely clear.

	Jefferson White, a director of one of the best elderly home in my town, invites me to be 

a guest speaker for a ceremony. I, of course, accept the invitation because I want more people 

to know the gospel.

	Entering the elderly home, I can’t believe my eyes. Some elderly are sitting on wheelchairs and 

some are hanging around. However, they never have a short chat with one another. No one breaks the 

silence. Maybe they have got used to it. 

	When I am on my way back home, I ask myself, ‘Can I leave Rose in such a place full of loneliness?’ 

Yet, Rose is now a patient, but it does not mean that she has become a quiet old lady. Although she no longer

 chats on the phone all day long as she usually did before, she still likes talking. Every evening when I come 

back, she must tell me what she does, share her opinion on the TV programmes that she watches and ask 

about my work. Therefore, can she adapt to live in such a hell?

	When I am thinking hard about it, I suddenly hear Rose screaming from our house. I drop my bag

 immediately and run as fast as I can. When I am taking out the key from my pocket, it falls down to the

 floor from my shaking hand. I pick it up. At the same time, I yell ‘Rose..Rose…Are you OK?’ 

	Suddenly, the door opens and I see Rose. ‘ Darling, what are you doing here?’ she asks with astonishment.

   ‘Rose...I heard...you...you...screaming...in terror....’ I reply, gasping rapidly.

   ‘Oh yes! I screamed because I was seeing a scaring movie.;

   ‘That's...fine...then’ I reply and keep gasping. Despite this, I feel much relaxed.	

       At that moment, I have already made my decision. I can’t leave Rose away. She needs my care. 

I also need her.

	In fact, 42 years ago, I promised God that no matter how, I would never leave her away. We could 

only be separated by death.

	Over our past 42 years, she took great care of me with tender. When I was in the dark, when I was 

terribly sick, she still accompanied me. Although sometimes I neglected her, she understood and never

grumbled. Without her, I don't know whether I could get through my dark period. Without her, I don't 

know whether I am still alive. Therefore, from Rose, I could totally feel the love and grace from God.

 Now she has senile dementia. Isnt it a chance for me to take care of her?

	As a matter of fact, Columbia Bible College is filled with God’s blessings. Everything runs smoothly 

and our student population is constantly expanding. Hence, why cant I put down this burden?

	I know the college needs my leadership. However, it also needs a principal who can devote all his/her 

time to serving the collage. Now I know I can't. If I still work there, I cannot concentrate for I must miss 

Rose and break my promise with God and her.

	Thus, I should quit the job and I am sure God must appreciate. I believe that I will never regret.