Jaded
author: linkinpark


Chp. 1

They say that time heals a broken heart. Yeah right those people are wrong. They probably never been in love or had a broken heart. It’s been a whole freakin year. A whole year! And it still hurts like shit. It’s been a year since I saw him kissing that girl. I hate him. I wish he could die because of what he did to me but yet I want him to come back to me. I want him to be by my side. But then again I want him to hurt and be in as much pain as I’m still in. He left me for her because he said he needed someone who wasn’t so wild like me. He wanted someone who actually listens to their parents, someone who actually went to school, and someone who didn’t live so much on the edge. In other words he wanted a goody-two-shoe, something I’ve never been and would never be. 
I’m twenty years old and I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I have no interest in life. All I ever do is ride my motorcycle around town speeding and getting tickets just because there’s nothing better to do in this boring old town. You may asked where are my parents. Well there probably off somewhere praising my sister about how good she is. I could care less because they don’t care much about me. I could never be tamed that’s what they say.
“Jina turned down that music now!” my step mom yells from the hall. Oh why doesn’t she just go away? The only reason why she wants me to turn down my music is so she can have her beauty rest. 
“Gees Jina I think the whole town can hear this crap,” Susan, my half-sister said as she barged into my room. That bitch! Always coming in here and never knocking on the door. She acts as if she owns this whole house. There are twenty or so room in this house and she always have to come into mine just to annoy the hell out of me. Of course I can’t kick her out because it would cause too much chaos. She would just make up one of her lies such as ‘I just wanted to spend quality time with my sister,’ which is a bunch of BS. The only thing she ever does in here is bitch at how rebellious I am while she enjoyed the viewed of the garden from my window. I had the best view of the garden even though in the last year it isn’t as pretty as it once was. 
“This isn’t crap. Linkin Park Rocks! And get out of here. I don’t want to see your face,” I said in annoyed tone.
“I came here to tell you great news,” she said happily. Too happy if you know what I mean. I don’t think I’m gonna like this. 
“Just spit it out already,” I said.
“Guess who’s going on a permanent vacation?” 
“You hopefully,” I said.
“In your dreams Miss Rebel! It’s you. You’re going to Korea,” she said dancing around the room all happy. 
“What?! Fuck No! I’m not going there,” I shouted.
“Yes you are and I get your room,” she said still dancing. In about ten seconds I’m gonna knock her down.
“Who told you so?” I asked.
“Daddy says so since nothing seem to be working with you,” she said sticking out her tongue at me. Her ten seconds are up. I got up and pushed my sister onto my bed making her scream. I ran out of the room in a rage. My father can’t be doing this to me. I’m not going to that foreign country. I don’t even know anyone there. I marched down stairs to my father’s study where I knew I would find him looking at some kind of document. 
“I am not going and you can’t make me,” I said barging in to the study. 
“Yes you are and that’s final,” my father said never once looking up from his documents. He never had the guts to look me in the eyes. I think it is because he was afraid of me or maybe because he was too disappointed in me to even look at me. I never obeyed my father. When I was younger and he told me my curfew was at midnight I came home at three in the morning. He got mad but I didn’t care because he never cared about me after Susan was born. She was the perfect daughter with big brown eyes and long beautiful hair and a face of an angel. I was different. I wasn’t a beauty. I was very plain nothing special about me except for my eyes. 
“I rather jump off a bridge than go,” I said with my chin up ready to defy my father. 
“You went too far when you stole the Harrington’s boat and took it on a joy ride,” he said.
“That was nothing,” 
“Nothing?! Nothing?! Do you know how embarrassing is to go to the police station to bail out your own daughter?” he said in anger. 
“It’s always about you isn’t it? Every single thing is about you. About how embarrass you are and how much I hurt your image by being rebellious. You don’t even care what I think. You never cared. All you ever care about is that bitch of a wife of yours and your daughter. You never cared about me and you never cared about her,” I shouted at him. He turned red with rage when I said ‘her’. I was referring to my mother.
“Shut up!” he shouted back. I didn’t care I was use to his anger. “You are going. The flight is tomorrow,” he said.
“Fine I’ll go not because you said so but because I want to get out of this hell hole,” I said.
“Finally she listens to me,” my father said acting as if I wasn’t there. “Once you arrive you well meet with your cousin Hwanhee. He will then get you a job,” my father continued.
“A job? I’ve never worked,” I said.
“Well now here’s your chance too,” 
“So what? I’m going to work my ass off in Korea while Susan gets to sit around here doing nothing,” I complained. She always better off than me.
“Susan actually goes to college, unlike you,” he stated. 
“Screw college. Who’s this Hwanhee guy? I didn’t know I had a cousin,” I changed the subject. 
“He’s from your mother side,” 
“What kind of job am I getting?” 
“I have no idea. Hwanhee will tell you that,”
“What am I going to live in some trailer?”
“No Hwanhee will provide everything,”
“Why are you sending me?”
“Because it is time you grow up and stop acting like a child,” he said. I looked at my father. He doesn’t even realized that I grew up a long time ago. He probably never even cared to notice. I’m glad I’m leaving this place. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I can’t wait until I turn twenty-one on January 1.then I could received my money my mother have saved for me until I’m twenty-one. After that I’m never gonna have to depend on him again. 

Chp. 2

That’s his house right there on the corner. I haven’t been here in about a year, ever since that day. I’ve seen him around town and every time I do see him I just give him the evil eye. I figure he doesn’t deserve the sweetest look I could conjure up. But I hate myself because I give him those evil looks which meant that I was still hurt and angry about what he did. And I let him get the best of me. I don’t know why I’m here at his house. I really don’t! Maybe it was because I want to say good bye or to show to him that I’m moving on and moving out of here and that he can’t touch me in any way possible anymore because I’m going to be thousands of miles away. I ring the door bell and a butler answered it. He recognized me immediately and gave me a scornful look. I just ignore it. I’m use to it. 
“Is Brian…..” I don’t even have to finish the sentence before the devil showed up himself and by his side is no other than that bitch he cheated on me with. She had her arms around his waist and they were laughing cheerfully. Oh how much I wanted to suck the happiness out of them. Of course they stop laughing once they saw me. 
“Jina?” Brian questioned. 
“Yes it’s me I haven’t changed much,” I said bitterly. 
“What do you want?” he asked. 
“I just wanted to say that I won’t be around anymore and that I’m moving on,” I said. I didn’t really know what else to say. How can I tell the guy that I loved for the last two years good bye? I don’t know what to say anymore. I should have never come at all. This was a stupid idea. I should have just left. But I really just wanted to see his face one last time before I put it out of my mind for good.
“That’s good, you should move on and find someone you love,” he said cheesely while kissing that bitch on the cheeks.
“Screw love. Love can eat dirt for all I care and so can you Brian Joo and I almost forgot Cindy you can kiss my ass. I’m outta here,” I said leaving. It’s time to move on. Fuck this town I’m glad I’m leaving.

Seoul, South Korea

Where the hell is my cousin? Hwanhee or what ever his name is is late. My father gave me a picture of him. This guy isn’t so bad looking at all. If he wasn’t my cousin I would totally hit on him. Naw I’m just saying that because I haven’t seen much good looking guys around this airport.
“Jina Choi?” heard my name from behind. I turned around and pulled down my sunglasses to look to see who it was. It was of course my cousin Hwanhee. He looked different from the picture my father gave me. He had a hair cut now thank goodness. And his cheek bones really stick out. Oh and nice lips hopefully I don’t have to punch him in the face one day or else I’ll ruin his pretty face.
“Yeah,” I said in a bored voice.
“I’m Hwanhee your cousin,” he said cheerfully and gave me a hug. Oh gawd can this person be any happier. Hwanhee gave me a tight squeeze and lets go of me. 
“Nice to meet you. Now where am I staying I’m tired and want some sleep,” I said.
“Oh shoot!” Hwanhee said looking at his watch. He must be late for something. It’s probably a bad habit of his. I have a feeling that’s probably the only thing Hwanhee and I will ever have in common.
“What?” I question getting impatient that this guy is taking up my time. 
“I’m late picking the Shinhwa hyungs,” he answered. 
“Shinhwa?” I questioned again.
“Um yeah. I’ll explain in the car,” he said and practically dragged me out of the airport. I’m gonna have to spend my whole time here with this guy. I hope they have fun things to do here. He took me to a large van and started to grab my things and throw them in there. 
“Whoa, this is your ride?” I said. Gees this van seems like it could fit fifteen people. I’ve never been in one of these before. I wonder if it could do a lot of damage to smaller cars. 
“Well yeah you can call it that?” he said and got into the driver seat. I opened the passenger side and slide in. I’m not use to being a passenger. I usually like to take control of the car. 
“What do you mean I can call it that?” I asked.
“This is the van that I take Shinhwa around in and sometimes I use it for personal transportation,” he said
“Who’s Shinhwa again?” I asked.
“Oh that’s a guy group here in Korea they are pretty popular. I drive them to interviews and photo shoots and other various things,” he said as he drove down the road. These roads are so small. How does anyone expect to speed down them with out hitting a car?
“So you’re like a chauffer for them,” I said.
“Yeah something like that but I’m also like a house keeper too,” he said with pride. This guy is proud of being a house keeper? Now I know I’m not going to have any fun in this country.
“Wow how exciting,” I said sarcastically. Hwanhee gave me a disappointing look because I wasn’t excited about his house keeping job as he was. 
“We’re here,” he said as we stop in front of a tall building. It was probably about fifty stories high.
“This is where we are going to live?” I questioned.
“Oh no, this is where I’m picking up Shinhwa. Stay here,” he commanded me as he ran into the building. Once Hwanhee disappeared into the building I got out of the car. I never listen to anyone why start now? I looked around my to see what this city got. It’s a hot summer day and people are walking down the street, nothing unusual. I began to walk towards the door Hwanhee disappeared through and was about to open the door when someone from the other side pushed it open.
“Excuse you,” I said with an attitude.
“Stay out of my way,” the guy said. What the fuck? I should stomp on his short little ass. I was about to give that guy a little piece of my mind when I heard a bunch of little girls screaming and running towards the guy. Ha! I hope they run him over and stomp on him. I turned around to find five other guys who were dress similarly to the first guy coming out of the door and not far behind was my cousin Hwanhee.
“Hey didn’t I tell you to stay in the car?” Hwanhee said to me.
“I think I’m deaf in one ear,” I said. Hwanhee gives me a confused look. I think he was trying to decide if I was joking or not. He kinda looked funny with that lost look on his face.
“Come on,” he said and once again dragged me to the car. The guys from earlier stop to sign a couple of autographs and then proceed to the van. I figure these were those Shinhwa guys that Hwanhee drives around. They opened the door and got into the van and closed it quickly before any one of these crazy girls jump in. I fought my way through the crowd and opened the passenger side.
“Hey who the hell are you? Get out of the car,” the short guy from earlier shouted.
“Make me,” I challenged, eyeing him but before he could do anything Hwanhee butted in.
“It’s okay hyung this is my cousin, the one from America,” Hwanhee said and started the car.
“Oh so this is the one that got into a lot of trouble and had to be sent here?” one of the guys said. He was built and looked like he lived at the gym.
“I remember you were saying that her father sent her here to teach her a lesson,” another one of them said. This one look more like a girl and didn’t have any muscle compared to the first one.
“So you’re the one that stole that boat and took for a ride and almost crashed it,” said another one of them. He had spikey hair and looked very handsome. 
“What the fuck is there a book out about me that I don’t know about?” I said looking at Hwanhee.
“Me and the hyungs do a lot of talking,” Hwanhee plainly explains. It took awhile before we got out of the parking lot because of all the fans we had to be careful. The rest of the ride was quiet. They must be tired because they look tired. I looked in the rear view mirror and realized that two of the guys were sleeping, the one with the muscles looked ready to jog a marathon, the handsome looking guy was doing something on his cell phone, the girly one was fixing his hair, and the short rude one was looking out the window. He looked like he was in deep thought. It seemed as if it took us forever just to reach these guys house. Once there the guys got out of the van.
“Aren’t you coming?” Hwanhee asked me.
“Huh? Aren’t you suppose to take me to your place?” I questioned.
“I am at my place I live with Shinhwa,” Hwanhee stated. This is something I’m not going to like. 


Chp. 3

“This is your room,” Hwanhee said. It was smaller than my bathroom at home. It had one bed push up against the wall and a small closet. And one mirror that hung over a drawer. I think I’m going to become claustrophobic in here. I’m not liking this at all.
“Wow it’s so big I can fit a whole herd of elephants,” I said sarcastically to him. He gave me a disappointed look.
“I’m sorry it’s not that much but it’s all I can offer,” he said in a tone that made me feel guilty because this guy seems really sincere and all he been to me was nice.
“I think I can stay here for the time being,” I said. My father is such an ass. He didn’t even bother to give me a place to stay. “Well I’m hungry. What’s for dinner?” I asked.
“Umm oops I forgot,” Hwanhee gave me a uneasy look. How come I have a feeling I’m not going to like this.
“Just spit it out,” I said frustrated.
“You’re the new cook and maid,” he said. HOLD UP!
“What? I’m must have gone deaf because I think I just heard you say that I’m the new cook and maid,” I said eyeing him.
“It’s the only job I could find for you,” he simply stated.
“I can find my own job. But you want me to become a maid and a cook. I don’t even know how to work a mop or cook boiled eggs and you expect to be a maid and cook?” I questioned him. 
“I know it’s not the best but…”
“Oh forget it. I’m leaving. I’m going somewhere else. Forget my father. Screw him. I’m not staying here,” I said ready to leave.
“You know you’re nothing like your mom,” his words stop me from moving further.
“How do you know my mom?” I asked curious. I didn’t even know my mom. She died when I was only two. No one ever talked about my mom. Not even the servants and maids we had around said a word about her. It was like she was a ghost no one wanted to talk about. I only had one picture of her that I found hidden in a closet a long time ago. 
“I met her when I was about four. She was a very sweet lady. You look like her but you’re nothing like her,” he said. I’m nothing like her? It made me wonder what kind of woman my mom was. I want to know so much about her. And here was the one person in the world who is willing to say something about her. 
“Fine but don’t expect me to cook a gourmet meal,” I said. I have made up my mind. I’ll go with this job. It’s only six months until I’m free. 
“Great,” Hwanhee said. 
“Hwanhee what’s for dinner?” someone said from outside. Both Hwanhee and I go outside to see who it was. It was the girly looking guy from earlier.
“We’re probably going to have to order some food,” Hwanhee said.
“But I thought your cousin knew how to cook,” the guy said confused.
“Umm well not really,” Hwanhee said uneasy.
“But I know how to drive. And I’ll drive to the restaurant. C’mon lets go,” I said.
“Are you sure?” he said giving me a weird look.
“Of course I am a good driver. I’m probably better than you,” I told him.
“No I don’t think so. You haven’t seen me in my car yet,” he said.
“Is that a challenge?” I asked.
“Maybe,” he said.
“Hyesung don’t taunt her,” Hwanhee glared at him.
“Hyesung? So that’s the name that goes with that pretty little face of yours,” I said pinching his cheeks.
“Ouch gees that hurts,” he said rubbing his cheeks.
“Humph, you are a girly one,” I said.
“Hey I’m not girly,” he said.
“Yeah whatever, let’s eat dinner,” I said. Man I was starving. Hwanhee ordered us food and I ate together with the guys. I learned their names. The buff guy is Dongwan, the player looking one is Junjin, the short rude one is Minwoo, and he was still a jerk he didn’t even bother to say hi, the other guys were Andy and Eric. 
“So Jina do you have a boyfriend?” Junjin asked me.
“No I have boyfriends,” I kid around with him.
“Oh really what’s all their name,” Andy said. Oh gawd he doesn’t really believe me does he.
“Hmmm let me see, jerk #1, asshole #2, dawg #3, player #4….that’s all I can think of right now,” I said.
“Wow I think I know all of them,” Minwoo said sarcastically.
“Huh?” Andy said still confused.
“Andy you can be so dumb,” Dongwan said as he gave him a friendly tap on the head.
“Seriously, do you have a boyfriend?” Junjin once asked again.
“To answer your question no I don’t have a boyfriend, but that’s none of your business,” I said. And it wasn’t their business.
“Why?” Eric asked.
“Is it because you had your heart broken by some guy and swear off to date any other guys?” Minwoo said. Ugh! How did he know? He is right on the target. What does he know about love? He’s probably too cold hearted to know anything about love. That Jerk!
“Ha! So I was right,” Minwoo said proudly.
“I never said that,” I said.
“You didn’t have to I could tell by the look in your eyes,”
“Shut up,” I said. “Gosh you guys are so boring,” I said changing the subject.
“Us boring?” Hyesung questioned.
“Yes, I’ve been here only a couple of hours and I’m bored to death. I don’t see why all those girls are crazy about you guys. You guys are so boring,” I said montonously.
“We’ll show you fun,” Andy said.
“Oh yeah what?” I asked.
“Hmmmmm…” Hyesung thinks, “You said that you’re a good driver how about you in a race,” he said.
“Okay, what car am I driving?” I said up for a challenge.
“Not a car but a motorcycle,” he said giving a smile. He probably thinks I can’t ride a bike.
“Have you written a motorcycle before?” Dongwan ask.
“I have a couple of times,” I lied. Oh this is going to be fun.
“Okay then you race against Minwoo,” Junjin said. What?! They want me to go against that jerk. Oh yeah bring it on.
“A race? I don’t want her touching my bike,” he said.
“C’mon Minwoo, it’s just for fun,” Andy said.
“Yeah Minwoo are you afraid you’re going to lose against me?” I said challenging him. 
“I’ll smoke you,” he said with confidence.
“All right lets go,” I said.
“I don’t like this idea,” Hwanhee said.
“Everything is going to be alright cuz,” I assured him. 

*Race Track*

“Okay on three you guys go. First one around the track wins,” Dongwan said.
“Let’s get going,” I said. Minwoo had two bikes. He got the better one by the looks of it. I thought I saw tears in his eyes when I got on the bike. He must really love it. What a freak! Minwoo pressed on his gas challenging me and I do the same. I heard Dongwan shout Go! And I sped off. On the first turn Minwoo was ahead by a good three feet by the second turn I had caught up to him. On the third turn Minwoo was ahead of me again. This is not good. It was almost the home stretch. On the fourth turn to the home stretch our bikes almost touch. I thought I almost was going to crash in him. Luckily, I didn’t. Minwoo was still ahead but not so far. I pressed on my gas to give me a little push. Now we were side by side in the home stretch. C’mon I’m almost there. I don’t know how I did it but I got ahead of Minwoo and won the race. He was probably as surprised as me. I thought he was a pretty good rider. I slow the bike down and went back to the rest of the guys.
“Oh yeah Baby I won!” I shouted as I took off my helmet and got off the bike. The guys just looked at me all shocked. What? They don’t think a girl can win a bike race. I’ve done this plenty of times back home.
“You won Minwoo,” Hyesung said in a surprised voice.
“Hell yeah I did,” I said.
“hahahahahaha….” They all began to laugh even Hwanhee.
“What?” I said. These guys couldn’t believe that I can actually beat the jerk.
“Yeah what’s so funny?” Minwoo said from behind.
“She won you,” Eric said.
“She was lucky,” Minwoo said bitterly.
“Lucky? Ha! You just couldn’t beat me,” I said.
“Next time you won’t be so lucky,” Minwoo said and sped off on his bike.
“Someone couldn’t handle defeat?” I said satisfied.
“C’mon this calls for a celebration,” Andy said.
“Oh yes it does,” I said.

Chp. 4

3 weeks later

Gosh these guys have more clothes than most girls do. I have to wash twenty or more loads of laundry every week. They’re so picky too. Each one of then don’t want their clothes mixed in with the others. And they get mad at each other when someone else wears their clothes. It’s so funny sometimes I just want to crack up. I finally got the hang of using the washing machine. I swear that thing has a mind of its own. I’m still not the best cook. Hwnahee is always helping me out. It’s not as bad as I thought it would be. I actually enjoy cooking sometimes. 
I thought living with a bunch of guys would be the pits but it’s actually fun. Hwanhee is a very nice guy, too nice sometimes. I just can’t be mean to him or say no to him. I feel guilty if I do. Junjin and Dongwan are the big jokers of the house along with me. Once we super glue Hyesung's hand to a microphone. It was so funny and he was really pissed off. It must had hurt like a bitch when he took it off. He didn’t talk us for a whole day. We thought we’d be nice and let him put the salt in Andy’s coffee. He forgave us after the look on Andy’s face. Minwoo is still the jerk that he always been to me. Sometimes our tempers crosses and Hwanhee has to calm us both down. Minwoo is so mean to me. He can’t even be nice to me for once. Andy is somewhat of an airhead but in a cute way. He’s also a nice guy. Eric is the cool one of the house. He’s so laid back and doesn’t let anything bother him much. He even looks cool.
“Jina I bought you a cook book,” Hwanhee said breaking me out of my thoughts.
“Oh thanks,” I said and took the book from him and began to look through it.
“Let me see that,” Dongwan said taking the book away from me.
“Ohhh this looks good,” Junjin said joining Dongwan.
“Give it back,” I said.
“I’m your boss so show me some respect and let me look through this first,” Dongwan said.
“Show you respect? Yeah right,” I said.
“I’m your boss too so you better do as I say,” Junjin added.
“First of all, I don’t have to do anything you say because technically you don’t sign my checks, and second of all I’m the one that washes your underwears so YOU should be showing me the respect,” I tell them. That shut them both up.
“Hahahahahaha…she got you guys there,” Hwanhee said laughing.
“That’s what I thought,” I said snatching the book away from Dongwan. They both left the kitchen pouting and stomping their feet. I love it when I’m right. I look through the pages and find something to make. Once I finished it didn’t look much like the one in the book but it was close enough. Hopefully it tastes good. They guys came to sit down and I waited for them to taste the food.
“Hey this looks good,” Eric commented.

“Let’s just see if it tastes good,” Minwoo said. 
“You didn’t poison us did you?” Junjin asked.
“If I did would I tell you?” I joked with him. 
“Taste it first then,” Andy demanded of me.
“I can’t believe you guys would think I would do such a thing. Just because it was my first time I cooked all by myself. It doesn’t mean I’m going to poison you guys,” I said.
”We’re just very skeptical of you,” Hyesung said.
“Fine don’t eat then. Starve for all I care,” I said and began to eat my food.
“Okay she’s eating. I’ll eat too,” Dongwan said and they rest of the guys follow. Gees we’re they that afraid of me?
”So what did you guys….” I was about to finish my sentence when I see Minwoo choking.
“Oh my god Minwoo! What’s wrong?” Junjin said worried.
“I think I’m ….” Minwoo said but couldn’t finish the sentence and fell to the ground. Everyone got out of their seats and rush over to Minwoo.
“What did you put in the food?” Dongwan asked.
“I don’t know. All I put was some peanut, fish sauce, and …”
“What?! Did you say peanuts? Minwoo is allergic to peanuts,” Hwanhee said. Oh shit! Now I’m panicking. Oh God I hope I didn’t kill him.
“Why didn’t anyone tell me that?” I said hysterical.
“Do something I don’t think he’s breathing?” Andy said.
“What?! Huh? No Way! Call an ambulance,” I said. I put my head on Minwoo’s chest to make sure his heart is still beating. It was, thank goodness.
“What are we going to do?” Hyesung said.
“I don’t know,” I said “ Minwoo, Minwoo, Minwoo get up,” I said shaking him. “C’mon Minwoo. I didn’t know you were allergic to peanuts. You should have told me. Get up. Hurry up! Why isn’t anyone calling the ambulance?” I screamed.
“Hahahahahaha,” the laughter came from Minwoo and then the others began to laugh. Those jerks! I can’t believe they played a joke on me and I didn’t even realize it. I gave them all the evil look.
“Oh no she’s giving us the look,” Junjin said.
“But the look on her face earlier was so much funnier,” Hyesung said.
“Hwanhee you were in the joke too,” I said to him.
“Sorry Jina but I thought it would be fun too,” Hwanhee replied.
“We got you,” Minwoo pointed at me.
“Humph! Why couldn’t you be really allergic to peanuts?” I glared at him.
“Oh Jina don’t be mad it’s just a joke,” Andy tried to calm me down.
“Joke or not. It was not funny. I was frightened,” I told them the truth.
“Okay fine we’re sorry,” Dongwan said.
“Well I’m not sorry for what I’m going to do next,” I said as I grabbed a plate of food and shoved it into Minwoo’s face.
“Hahahaha,” everyone began to laugh.
“The jokes on you now,” I said to him.
“Oh you little….” Minwoo bit at me.
“Little what? Huh? I dare you to say it,” I challenged him. He doesn’t say anything instead he gets up and goes to the sink to wash his face.
“Yeah you know best…..*gasp*” That jerk just sprayed water into my face. Ugh!
“I’m gonna kill you Lee Minwoo,” I said rushing towards him but he was already up the stairs.
“Fine! Stay up there. I’m gonna take your bike for a ride first then I’m going to kill you,” I yelled to him and head towards the garage.
“Don’t you lay a hand on my baby,” Minwoo yelled back. I could hear him rushing down the stairs and the rest of the guys laughing at us. 


Chp. 5

“Jina let’s go,” Hwanhee said.
“Go where?” I asked him
“To the concert, it’s today did you forget?” he said.
“Do I have to? I see these guys everyday I don’t want to see them anymore,” I complained.
“C’mon it will be fun,” Hwanhee encouraged me.
“Oh fine then,” I give up. There’s nothing better to do. Let’s see what these guys got. We got to the stadium two hours before the concert started. The Shinhwa guys went to go get dress. Hwanhee and I go sat in the lounge area where only certain people were allowed to be. 
“So how long is this concert?” I asked him. 
“About three hours,” he said. Oh great I’m gonna have to spend the next five hours here. This better be a good concert or else I’m gonna be bored out of my mind. 
“Hi Hwanhee,” someone said. We both turn around to see who it is. It was a girl but I didn’t recognize her face at all. She was dress in a really tight shirt and a tight mini skirt. Gees can she breathe in that?
“Hi Hyekung,” Hwanhee said.
“Who’s your friend?” she said in a very annoying voice.
“This is my cousin Jina, Jina this is Minwoo’s friend Hyekung,” Hwanhee introduced us. Minwoo’s friend huh? Makes me wonder.
“Hi,” Hyekung said. I acknowledge her with a nod and went to sit on the couch. I grabbed a magazine and flip through the pages ignoring Hwanhee and Hyekung. Ten minutes have only pass since I’ve been here. This is going to be a long night. 
“Hwanhee where’s the bathroom?” I asked interrupting their conversation. 
“Down the hall to the left,” he said. I got up and went. I don’t really need to go to the bathroom. I just wanted to explore the place. You can say that I’m kind of a nosy person. I can’t sit still for very long. So I went down the hall and looked to my left. There were about five doors on the left. Hwanhee didn’t tell me which door it was. There was no sign on any of the doors indicating that it was a bathroom either. So I guess I’m gonna have to try all of them. The first door open to a storage room, the second one open to a empty room with huge mirrors, the third door was lock, the fourth door open to a room filled with clothes, no bathroom there, so I guess the fifth one is the bathroom. 
*creak* “Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh” Hyesung screamed as I looked into the room. All the other guys from Shinhwa were there too. And they were all topless. I gotta admit they got nice bodies except for Andy and Hyesung. They weren’t shy or embarrass that I saw there bodies I already have seen them since I live with them. 
“Gees Hyesung it’s just Jina,” Dongwan said.
“Don’t worry Hyesung you don’t have much to see,” I teased.
“What are you doing here?” Minwoo asked.
“I was looking for the bathroom but I guess I found the dumpster instead,” I said 
“Dumpster? Yeah right! It’s more like heaven,” Junjin joked. I rolled my eyes at him.
“Ohh nice outfits,” I told them.
“The bathroom is across the hall way,” Minwoo said. I think he was getting irritated that I was there.
“Hwanhee must have given me the wrong directions,” I said.
“Yeah sure! You know you just wanted to see this hot body of mine,” Dongwan flexed his arms.
“In your dreams,” I laughed at him. “Hey guys do me a favor tonight?”
“What?” they all asked.
“Don’t make me bored,” I said closing the door before a pillow hit me in the face.
After the concert.

“Finally it’s over,” I stood up.
“So what did you think of it?” Hwanhee asked as we walk towards the backstage.
“I thought it was okay,” I said. They did a good performance but I would have enjoyed it more if these thousands of girls weren’t screaming the whole time. We went back to the lounge and waited for Shinhwa to come. Hyekung was still there. I don’t know but I’m starting to feel a great amount of hatred against this girl.
“Minwoo,! Aaaaaaaahhhhh,” Hyekung screamed as she ran up to him and gave him a hug. This girl is too perky. She needs to be shot with a tranquilizer or something to calm her down. The rest of the guys followed behind. 
“Can we go home now?” I said getting tired already. It was a long night.
“You can go home I’m going to party,” Junjin said.
“What?! Party?” I questioned. I haven’t gone to a party ever since I’ve been here. I’ve been so busy with the job that I don’t even have time to have fun. 
“Yes, a party,” Dongwan said.
“Well there be drinking?” I asked smiling.
“Lots,” Hyesung said.
“I’m going with ya,” I said. Yes! Finally something fun to do.
“What ever happened to ‘Can we go home?” Andy mocked me.
“I rather party than go home,” I said.
“Who said you were invited?” Junjin said in a joking voice.
“No one that’s why I’m gonna crash the party. It won’t be the first time I did,” I said excited.
“C’mon no more talking lets go party,” Eric said.
“I have a feeling someone is going to get drunk tonight,” Hwanhee said eyeing me.
“Me? Get drunk? Yeah right I can handle it,” I said and we start to head out the door. 
“Minwoo are you coming along?” Hwanhee asked. He had his arms around Hyekung and was whispering something into her ear.
“Naw, you guys go ahead. I’m gonna be with Hyekung tonight,” Minwoo said. Be with Hyekung? What does he mean ‘be with Hyekung’? I don’t even what to think about it.
“Okay, then see you later,” Hwanhee said.

At the party

“JINA! JINA! JINA! JINA!” the crowd shouted.
“Damn Jina how many shots is that?” Dongwan asked me.
“Doce,” I said in Spanish.
“Huh?” Andy said confused.
“That’s twelve in Spanish. If you gonna drink tequila you gotta talk like a Mexican,” I said. I was buzzed but not drunk unlike Hyesung over there.
“C’mon Hyesung you can’t lose this drinking contest against her. I got money on you,” Dongwan said.
“What?! You guys made a bet?” I asked.
“Yes if you drink more I owe Andy $50 if Hyesung drinks more Andy owes me $50,” Dongwan said.
“Well it looks like you’re about to lose fifty bucks my friend,” I said as I slapped Dongwan on the back. 
“C’mon Hyesung drink this last one,” Dongwan encouraged him.
“No….noooooo moreeeeeeee. I wannnnnnntttttt mmmmmmmmyyyyyyy mommmmmyyyyyy,” Hyesung cried.
“hahahaha…hand it over,” Andy said to Dongwan.
“Aish …Hyesung I’m never gonna depend on you again,” Dongwan said to him.
“Hey guys let’s go. You guys got an early start tomorrow morning,” Hwanhee said approaching us.
“Awww Hwanhee we were just having fun too,” I whined.
“C’mon lets go it’s not funny anymore,” Dongwan said.
“Hey where’s Junjin and Eric?” Andy asked.
“They’re on the dance floor with some girls,” Hwanhee said. “I’ll get them,” Hwanhee went and grabbed Eric and Junjin to go home. At least I had fun beating Hyesung in a drinking contest.

Middle of the night

“Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Where the hell are the cigarettes?” I shouted as I rummage through the drawers of the Shinhwa guys in the living room. I had that bad dream again. The one I had for as long as I have known. I’m in a lake or ocean I don’t even know. But something keeps on pulling me beneath the surface. And it dragged me down and down and down until I reach the bottom. I tried so hard to reach the top but can’t. And through out all of this there’s a lullaby in the background being hummed by a lady. Every time I have this dream I wake sweaty and breathless. I become jittery and I always need cigarette. I know I shouldn’t smoke it but it helps me calm down.
“Gees all of these guys smoke and there’s not one cigarette in this house,” I said out loud to no one in particular. 
“Here you go,” I turned around knocking down some books to find a shadow throwing a pack of cigarettes at me. I quickly catch.
“You got a light?” I asked him.
“Here,” he said walking up to me. Once he stepped into the light of the moon I could tell it was Minwoo. I grabbed the lighter from him but he didn’t let go. So I looked at him to see what was wrong. He looked straight into my eyes. He looked shocked. 

Chp. 6

I could smell the perfume of Hyekung on him. His hair was tousled and was that smudge of lipstick on his shirt. I had a feeling I know what he did tonight. 
“What?” I said to him.
“I didn’t know you smoke,” he said.
“I don’t I just couldn’t sleep and I need something,” I said. I light the cigarette and walk outside to the back patio. Minwoo followed me. Isn’t he sleepy? I take a couple of puffs of my cigarette and then Minwoo grabbed it away from me to smoke it himself.
“Hey that’s mine,” I said to him.
“Here,” he said handing it back to me. I look at the cigarette and then I look at him. I have no idea where his mouth has been tonight, actually I do and I certainly don’t want to touch that cigarette. So I took out my own from the pack that he gave me earlier and smoke one myself. We smoke our cigarettes in silence. This really calms me down. I threw Minwoo his pack of cigarettes and lighter and get up to leave.
“Why do you wear contacts?” Minwoo asked. Contacts? Oh shit he knows.
“…..”
“Jaded eyes for a jaded heart,” Minwoo stated. He saw them. I haven’t shown them in a long time.
“You know they turned a darker green when you get angry and when your calm they settle back to the blue-green color they are,” he said talking about my eyes. 
My eyes are the color of jade. It’s blue green just like my mother, that’s what I heard. Ever since I knew how to wear contacts I wore them to cover my eyes. I don’t want people to see them. They’ll just stare and I’ll probably would have to do something about that. My eyes are what made me different from everyone when I was younger. They would tease me calling me the green-eye monster, of course they’d shut up after I threatened them. But I met Brian and he did something to me that made me want to show him my eyes. They say the eyes are the window to your soul so I let Brian see them. And look where it led me too. After Brian I never let anyone see my eyes. I don’t want them to see my eyes. 
“You want to know why I wear contacts?” I said to him.
“Yeah why?”
“Because they’re not worth looking at,” I said and left to sleep. 

2 weeks later

“Jina,” Hwanhee said from his bedroom.
“Yeah what’s up?” I say walking to his room.
“I’m not feeling so good. I think I’m sick,” Hwanhee coughed. He looks a little pale. With the palm of my hand I felt his forehead. Man he was burning hot.
“Gees Hwanhee I think you should stay in bed today,” I told him.
“Yeah that’s why I’m asking you to drive for me today,” he said. My eyes seem to pop out at the moment.
“What?” I said checking to see if I heard what I thought I heard.
“You get to drive Shinhwa around today,” he replied. Ohhh this is going to be great!
“Really?!”
“Yes,”
“I’m gonna go tell them the great news,” I said jumping out of the room. This is going to make my day. I do a little skip as I went and told Shinhwa the good news. I walked into the living room where the guys were waiting for Hwanhee.
“What are you smiling about?” Minwoo asked.
I give them a bigger grin, “I’ll be driving you guys around today,” All their jaws drop in shocked.
“That’s it! I’m taking my car today,” Hyesung said.
”I’m coming with you,” Dongwan added.
“I’m gonna ride my bike,” Minwoo said.
“Hey I’m a good driver,” I said.
“I’m scared now,” Andy said.
“I can’t believe you guys. I am a totally safe driver,” I said. I am. I really am. The guys look at me skeptically.
“Let’s just give her a chance,” Eric said.
“Are you sure about this Eric?” Hyesung said still skeptical.
“It can’t be that bad,” Eric said. 
“C’mon lets go before we’re late,” Junjin said.
“Oh shit we are going to be late,” Minwoo added.
“No problem. Will make it in time,” I said with confidence. 

*Screeeeeeeeehhhhhhh*
“We’re here,” I yelled. I turn to look back at Shinhwa. No one was moving at all. They sat frozen in there seats. “You guys can breathe now,” I said. Haha! They were probably frighten when I almost hit that car earlier because I was driving too fast. It was nothing.
“I am never getting in a car with you ever again,” Minwoo said finally.
“I second that,” Dongwan said.
“Me too,” Junjin added.
“You….. are….. crazy,” Hyesung could barely let out.
“I’m driving for the rest of the day,” Eric said.
“That was so fun. It was such a rush especially when we almost hit that car,” Andy said excited. At least one of them liked my driving.
“See it wasn’t that bad,” I said.
“Andy has no idea what he is talking about,” Minwoo said.
“I thought I was going to have a heart attack,” Dongwan said putting his hand to his heart.
“I’m getting out of this car before anything else happens,” Hyesung said opening the door.
“Wait for me,” Junjin said rushing out.
“Keys please,” Eric said holding out his hands. 
“But I…”
“No buts hand it over,” Eric said. 
“Fine here,” I said and give it to him.
“Don’t worry Jina. I think you’re a great driver,” Andy said.
“You’re a smart kid Andy,” I said to him. 
I followed the guys into the building. They would have been late if it wasn’t for my driving. They should be happy that I drove them here. They were suppose to do a photo shoot for some kind of magazine. This must have been there thousandths one ever since I’ve been here. Gees don’t people get sick of seeing these guys. When we got there some girls were taking pictures too. There were three of them. I think I recognized them from the TV. I went sit down on a chair and waited for this shoot to be over with. The guys went to the dressing room to get ready for the shoot. The first one to come out was Hyesung. He was in a nice button down blue shirt and some khaki pants. He was heading my way when one of the girls stopped him.
“Hi Hyesung,” the girl said.
“Hi, Shoo,” Hyesung said. I could tell that he felt uncomfortable talking to her.
“How have you been?” Shoo asked.
“Good,” he answered and began to look around as if he didn’t really wanted to talk to her. Hmmm should I save him?
“Daymn Hyesung you look all good,” I said going up to him. I turn Hyesung around and look him up and down. He gave me a what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-you look and I just give him a wink. 
“Thanks Jina,” Hyesung smiled.
“Hi I’m Shoo,” Shoo said.
“Hi, I’m Jina. Don’t you think Hyesung is such a hottie in this outfit?” I said.
“Umm yeah,” Shoo said. “I gotta go. I’ll see you around Hyesung,”
“Yeah bye,” Hyesung said.
“It was nice meeting you Shoo,” I shouted to her then turn to Hyesung. “What was that all about?” I asked him.
“Nothing,”
“Liar,” I accused him.

“We use to date and that’s about it,” Hyesung said.
“Ooooo I see now,” I said. But I sensed it was more than just dating that they did. He looked like he really liked this girl; possibly love, if that even exists. The rest of the guys came out and they began their photo shoot. It took them four hours just to finish the thing. By then it was lunch time. Eric droved us to a restaurant and I had to sit in the back with the rest of the guys because Andy was being a little kid again. I sat between Junjin and Dongwan in the back seat.
“Hey lets play a joke on Minwoo,” Dongwan suggested. 
“What should we do?” Junjin asked.
“Let’s throw him in the trash,” I said.
“Noooo that won’t be that fun,” Dongwan said.
“Ooohh I know lets prank call him,” Junjin said.
“Prank call? That’s not fun,” I said.
“This one would be fun because we’ll just pretend that you’re his ex-girlfriend,” Junjin.
“How is that fun?” I asked.
“Because Minwoo would be so shock and surprised and I would love to see the look on his face,” Dongwan said.
“Why? What about Minwoo’s ex-girlfriend?” I said curious.
“Well they had a hard break up and Minwoo was really hurt,” Junjin said.
“Isn’t this kind of cruel?” I said.
“No Minwoo has done worst to us,” Dongwan said.
“Okay but if he gets pissed off I’m blaming it on you guys,” I said.
“Well do this later,” Junjin said.
“Fine,” I said.
“Great,” Dongwan said excited. 

The day finally came to an end and we went home. I went to go check on Hwanhee to see if how he was doing.
“Hey how are you?” I asked him. He was still in bed and he looked a little better.
“I don’t have a fever anymore but my head stills hurt,” he said.
“I’ll cook you something to make you feel better,” I said.
“Thanks,” Hwanhee said. I headed towards the kitchen when I was stopped by Junjin.
“Let’s call him right now,” Junjin said.
“Already?” I said.
“Yes,”
“But what’s his ex-girlfriend name,” I asked.
“Hyori is her name and make her sound nice not cruel like you,” Junjin said.
“Hey I’m nice,” I said.
“Yeah sure whatever,” Junjin just shrugged off. “Here’s the number. Call and pretend you want to get back with him and when he’s about to answer start laughing and tell him it was all a joke,” Junjin says and leave. I’m not good at acting nice. Gees why did I ever agree on this joke? I dialed Minwoo’s cell phone number and clear my throat so I could sound as sweet as I can.
“Hello,” Minwoo answered.
“Hello,” I said.
“Who’s this?”
“This is Hyori,”
“……”
“How’s everything?”
“Hyori,” Minwoo said her name in a sweet tone.
“Minwoo I…”
“I still think about you and I long for your touch. Why did you ever leave?”
“………” Oh holy Shiet! Fuck! What am I suppose to say? He stilled loves her. This isn’t good. Why do I feel so guilty now? I knew this wasn’t a good idea.
“Hyori” he said again and I hang up quickly. I’m never gonna listen to Dongwan and Junjin again. I ran down stairs and head towards the kitchen trying to avoid Minwoo. When I got in the kitchen Junjin and Dongwan pulled me to the side.
“Hey what happened?” Dongwan said.
“I couldn’t do it,” I told them.
“Why not?” Junjin said.
“Because he sounded all nice and sincere and I think he’s still in love with her,” I explained.
“Aww man,” Dongwan said.
“I’m not listening to you guys anymore,” I said.
“We’re gonna have to find a new victim now,” Junjin said.
“You guys are on your own. I’m going to cook dinner,” I said. I was still feeling guilty about the whole Minwoo thing. I felt even worst during dinner when Minwoo looked very sad. He was pushing around his food and didn’t eat at all. He excused himself from the table early and left on his bike. I think I brought up some painful memories.

Chp. 7

The house is always this quiet when they’re not here. Which is peaceful. I’ve been here almost two months. I can’t believe that. I’m dying of boredom here. There’s nothing to do. Minwoo won’t let me touch his bike and the other guys won’t let me touch their cars. Especially Hyesung, he is so afraid of what I would do to it.
“Gees can Minwoo be any dirtier?” I shouted as I begin to pick up his mess in his room. He lives like a freakin pig. Ewwww he can’t even aim for the trash right. I feel so weak and tired these days with all the things to do. I wake up early in the morning cook and clean then clean some more and more. It’s just endless cleaning for me. I hate it but I gotta do it to survive. I never thought my life would turn out to be like this. I never worked this hard before. I began to fix Minwoo’s bed for him. He always forgets to do that. He has a nice bed too. It’s a waterbed so it’s feels really nice. Maybe I’ll just lay my head down on his pillow and rest. He has the best bed out of all of them. I laid my head on his pillow and closed my eyes.

“Brian?...Where is all this water coming from?” I said. The water build up to my feet and soon it reached my waist. I tried to walk away but it just gets deeper and deeper and soon I feel as if I’m drowning. I know it’s just a dream but it feels so real and I can’t get out. The water is covering my head and I can’t get out and I can’t get out.
“I can’t get out! I can’t get out! I can’t get out!” I screamed.
“Jina! Jina! Jina! Jina! Jina wake up!” someone said shaking me. My head snapped back to find Minwoo looking at me. I could barely breathe so I gasp for air. I could feel the sweat running down my face and my whole body begins to tremble. I hate this feeling. I could hardly control it.
“Shit!” I said out loud
“You’re having a nightmare. What’s wrong?” he asked sounding concern. He was still holding on to my arms.
“Nothing,” I said and tried to push him away.
“What the hell? You don’t look so good and you’re trembling,” he said trying to look me in the eyes but I look away. I pushed him to the side and got up off the bed. I need a cigarette. I need something to calm me down. This dream was different from the others. It seems more intense and terrifying. I got up and began to walk away.
“Who’s Brian?” he asked from behind. 
“Ow,” I screamed as I trip over a book that I forgot to pick up. Why the fuck did he mention Brian?
“Are you okay?” Minwoo said coming to my side.
“Yes, I’m fine. You know you should clean after yourself more often,” I snapped at him. I got up. It didn’t hurt that much.
“You’re still trembling,” he said.
“So what?” I said.
“Tell me what’s wrong?” he said. Why the hell does he care and why the hell does he want to know?”
“Nothing,” I said running away from him. I ran downstairs almost tripping over the stairs. This dream is really bugging me. Luckily for me Hyesung was smoking outside so I open the screen door to the patio and went to go sit next to him. I grabbed his cigarette from his mouth and took a puff. Oohh that feel so much better.
“Man you look terrible,” Hyesung said.
“Thanks,” I said bluntly. I didn’t care I just need something to calm me down.
“Something is wrong with your cousin,” I heard Minwoo say this to Hwanhee.
“Why? What happened?” Hwanhee said concern.
“She was screaming in her dreams and woke up very frighten,” Minwoo explained.
“It must have been nightmare,” Hwanhee said.
“She’s hiding something,” Minwoo replied.
“Hiding something? I’ll talk to her,” Hwanhee said.
“Is something wrong?” Hyesung said. He must have heard the same thing as I did.
“Nothing is wrong. I’m fine. I just needed to calm down,” I said.
“Minwoo sounds concern about you. Which is weird because he isn’t usually concern about anyone,” Hyesung said.
“So what? I don’t care. He has nothing to be concern about,” I said finishing Hyesung’s cigarette and leaving. That dream has scared me a lot. It had shakin me up a lot. I have a bad feeling about this.

A couple days later

“Jina get up,” I could hear Hwanhee say to me. He asked me about what happened the other day. I just told him it was a bad dream and that he shouldn’t be worried about it. But he was still concern about me.
“Five more minutes please Hwanhee,” I said my eyes still close.
“C’mon Jina you have to cook for us,” Hwanhee said.
“Eat some cereal or something,” I told him.
“Jina please,” Hwanhee plead. I hate it when he uses that tone on me. It’s all sweet and nice and makes me feel so guilty.
“Ok, just a minute or two,” I said.
“Great thanks Jina,” he said happy now.
“Yeah yeah whatever,” I said. After a couple of minutes I got up and head towards the bathroom. I did my duty and go back to my room. I put on my clothes and I almost forget about my contacts on. I rushed over to my side door and look for them but to my surprise they weren’t there. Fuck! Where are they? I searched throughout my room and they were not there still. Shit! Where could they have gone? The only person that knows about my contact is MINWOO! I’m gonna kill that jerk. The only thing I could think of was to wear my sunglasses so the guys wouldn’t notice my eyes. I don’t want them to see my eyes. I put on my really dark glasses and headed down stairs to go kill Minwoo.
Shinhwa and Hwanhee were in the kitchen. They were probably waiting for me to cook them breakfast. I walked into the kitchen and there he was sitting at the table eating an apple.
“Minwoo, we need to talk,” I said angry.
He looked up and noticed that I wasn’t in a good mood. “About what?” he said as if he was all innocent.
“You know about what? Now get up,” I said.
“Why are you wearing sunglasses Jina? It’s not even that sunny yet,” Andy asked.
“Because I want to. Now Minwoo give it back,” I said.
“Give what back?” he said.
“You know what. Now hurry up!” I shouted.
“I have no idea what you are talking about?” he said acting innocent. He’s really getting on my nerves.
“Give it back Minwoo. I swear I’ll kill you if you don’t. Don’t try to play innocent,” I screamed becoming angrier.
“Whoa Jina! What’s going on?” Hwanhee butted in.
“He has it,” I said.
“Has what?” Hwanhee questioned.
“I have nothing,” Minwoo said. Oh I’m gonna kill him. I rush towards him but Hwanhee held me back.
“Let me kill him,” I said to Hwanhee.
“Damn Jina what did he do to you?” Junjin said.
“He must have something really special?” Dongwan said.
“Give it damn it,” I yelled at him. Hwanhee was still holding on to me.
“Just give it to her,” Hyesung said. I think he was getting scared. 
“I’m not gonna give it to her until I see them again,” Minwoo said.
“Fuck you Minwoo give it back,” I said trying to get out of Hwanhee’s grip. I tried to wiggle out and that’s when my sunglasses fell off and I look up and everyone was shocked at what they saw except for Hwanhee who was holding me from behind.
“Oh my,” Junjin whispered.
“Jina?” Hyesung said.
“Wow!” Andy added.
“I never knew,” Dongwan said.
“I wouldn’t guess at all,” Eric said.
“What? What’s going on?” Hwanhee said.
“Her eyes,” Andy said in amazement. Hwanhee turned me around to look at me.
“You have eyes just like her. I didn’t know that,” Hwanhee said.
“So what?!” I finally said. They seen it all its no use anymore. I hate that jerk.
“Give it back,” I said again.
“I’ll go get it,” he said heading up stairs. “You know what I find more interesting is that tattoo around your belly button,” he said.
Everyone gasped. 
“What the fuck? What the hell are you doing? Sneaking into my room in the middle of the night and checking me out?” I yelled at him. I ran towards Minwoo and tackled him down.
“Shit! Get off me,” he said.
“How the hell do you know about my tattoo?” I yelled at him about to punch him in the face.
“I saw it the other day while you were sleeping in my bed,” Minwoo said.
“What?” Hwanhee said shocked.
“When did this happen?” Junjin said.
“I fell asleep on his bed,” I yelled back at them.
“Um what kind of tattoo is it?” Andy said curious.
“It’s a circle of blue dolphins around her belly button,” Minwoo burst out.
“Shut the hell up! Why can’t you just do that? Why did you have to tell them my secrets? Who the fuck do you think you are?!” I yelled at him and punch him in the face. My fist landed on his mouth and he started to bleed. I could hear the other guys in the back ground saying something. I try to put in another punch when someone hands holds me back.
“Jina don’t do it. I know you’re angry but don’t,” Hwanhee said trying to calm me down.
“I don’t care I’ll kill him anyways,” I said but Hwanhee already pulled me away from Minwoo.
“Fuck! Damn! Shit! I’m bleeding,” Minwoo said getting up.
“You deserve it,” I said.
“Whoa this is intense,” Junjin said.
“Calm down,” Hwanhee said.
“No! I will not calm down! That asshole has no right to reveal anything about me,” I yelled out.
“I just wanted to see them,” he said.
“You have no right to see them. I hate you. You’re such an ass,” I yelled back at him.
“And you’re such a bitch,” he said.
“Fuck you,” I said back to him. He didn’t dare say anything back. I want kill him so much. He always get underneath my skin. I hate it. Now they all know.
“Are you okay?” Dongwan asked.
“Fine,” I snapped at him and head outside.

Later on that Night

Gosh I can’t sleep again. This headache is killing me and who the damn hell is making all that noise. I got up from my bed and head down stairs. Someone is sure making a lot of noise. I headed towards the kitchen when I see two figures. One of the figures looked like it was about to fall and the other one was supporting it. I went closer to see who they were. It was Minwoo and he was with a girl. Minwoo was about to fall but the girl was supporting him. He was drunk. I recognized the girl as Hyekung from the concert. Every time I see his face I just wanted to kick his ass so much.
“Hi,” Hyekung said. I just give her a nod.
“Who are you talking to?” Minwoo said and he looked up to see me.
“So why the fuck are you so drunk? Why do I even bother to ask? I don’t give a fuck about you?” I said and walked towards the kitchen.
“Gees you use profanity a lot,” Hyekung said.
“Who cares about her?! Let’s go upstairs,” Minwoo said. I give him a dirty look I don’t even know if he notices it. 
“Yes leave before I kill you,” I said to them.
“Oooohhh she is as mean as you said she is,” Hyekung said. If I didn’t have such a big headache I would have knocked them both out. What the hell is he doing with that girl again? And why the hell is he drunk? I have a feeling what they’re gonna do tonight and I so much want to kick his ass. I hate him he makes me so mad. 

Chp. 8

It feels so good up here on top of the roof. Nothing better than a fresh breath of air. I’ve been sitting here for the last two hours waiting for the guys to come home and they’re not here yet. The sunset a long time ago and barely any light was out. I should have call them but I figure they’re big boys and they can take care of themselves. Of course I spent the last three hours cooking for them so they better have not eaten dinner without me. You know what’s fun about being up here. The thrill that with one move you can fall over the edge. It’s been interesting sitting up here. 
“Hey how come the house looks so quiet?” I believef that was Hyesung's voice. They’re finally home. Hmmmm it would be fun to play a trick on them.
*Blop* I threw a M&M at Eric and it hit him near the mouth. I was just over the garage so it was easy to reach him.
“Hey Andy stop fooling around,” Eric said. HA! He doesn’t even notice where it came from.
“What?! I’m not doing anything,” Andy said innocently.
“Yes you threw that M&M at me,” Eric said.
“No I *blop*” Andy said but I threw a M&M at him before he could continue his sentence.
“Hey I told you it wasn’t me,” Andy said rubbing the cheek I hit.
*Blop* I threw another one and this time it hit Minwoo.
“What the hell? Is it you Dongwan?” Minwoo said getting mad. Haha! That jerk can’t even figure it out.
“Me? NO it’s not. I don’t even like M&Ms,” Dongwan said.
*Blop* It hit Junjin this time. “Okay that’s it. Hwanhee it must be you,” Junjin accused.
“Me what are you guys talking about?” Hwanhee said. I’ve decided to reveal myself.
“Mmmmmmmmmm these M&M are soooooooooooooo good,” I said loud enough for them to hear. Those dorks finally looked up to see me sitting on the top of the roof.
“Why did I have a feeling it was you?” Junjin glared at me.
“What are you doing throwing M&Ms at us?” Dongwan said.
“Throwing? I was aiming for your mouths. That’s what we’re having for dinner,” I said innocently.
“Jina what are you doing up there?” Hwanhee said concerned.
“I’m just enjoying the view from here. You know you can learn a lot from this view. Like your neighbor next door should always keep his shirt on. *shiver* You don’t want to see that site. And your other neighbor. He’s totally cheating on his wife,” I said in a matter-of-fact tone.
“How do you know?” Andy said. He’s always the curious one.
“Well unless his wife is a six feet skinny lady with long black hair and fake boobs then he’s not cheating on her,” I explained.
“Oh my god poor Mrs. Cho,” Dongwan said. 
“So now you’re spying on our neighbors?” Minwoo said annoyed. I give him the evil look. I still hate his guts like hell. I tried my best to avoid him as much as I can. He’s lucky I even cook for him. If I could I would poison him but he’s not worth it.
“Jina get down from there,” Hwanhee said.
“Why? It’s fun up here,” I said and begin to walk along the edge of the roof.
“Jina aren’t you scared at all?” Eric asked.
“No,” I said.
“Be careful,” Andy said.
“I am,”
“Why don’t you do all of us a favor and jump off,” Minwoo said.
“Why don’t you do all of us a favor and join me,” I said back to him. 
“Jina please get down. You’re scaring me,” Hwanhee plead.
“Okay,” I said and pretend to jump off and it almost scared Hwanhee but I gave him a smile and went to the back and climbed down the ladder.
“You guys are late for dinner now it’s all cold,” I said as I enter the kitchen which still had the table set up for dinner. It had gone cold a long time ago.
“We already had dinner,” Junjin said.
“What?! You guys had dinner and didn’t bother to call me,” I said getting mad.
“We did call you we left a message for you. Right Hyesung?” Dongwan said.
“What?! Oh yeah I left a message for you because you didn’t pick up,” Hyesung said.
“I was here the whole time,” I said.
“Then why didn’t you answer,” Andy asked.
“Because maybe you didn’t call,” I said.
“Lets check and see,” Junjin said. We all gather around the phone and Junjin pressed the message button.
“Hey Jina, where are you? Why aren’t you picking up the phone? Well anyways we won’t be home for dinner, so you don’t have to cook for us. You could just cook for yourself. See ya later,” Hyesung voice said in the messenger.
“Hehehe,” I laughed embarrass, “I must have been on the roof,”
“Hey there’s another message,” Andy said and push the button.
“Hey Jina guess who?” it was a voice I hate to hear, “Yep you guess it right It’s me Susan. Father just wanted me to check up on you to see how you were doing. I hope you’re having the worst time of your life. You probably are. I heard that you’re a maid and cook. Hahahaha life can be so on my side. Guess where I am right now? I’m in your old bedroom looking out the window to the beautiful garden. I told you I was gonna get your room. This is soooooo much fun with out you here. Oh I forgot to say something. Well I always wanted to say this but never had the guts because I knew you’ll probably hurt me but guess what Jina? I think you’re such a big bitch,” I rolled my eyes when I heard this. She is lucky I’m not there to hurt her, “Yep you are and I don’t care from what father says you won’t be back for awhile... Ohhhhhhh even greater news for me but probably not you. Want to know what it is? Ha! I’m not even gonna give you a choice. Here goes. Brian is…*click* message delete” I don’t even want to hear the rest. I don’t think I could bare hearing the rest.
“That’s enough. I’m tired of hearing her voice,” I said. I look towards the guys and they had sympathy in their eyes even Minwoo. I guess they all feel sorry for me. I don’t need their pity.
“I’m going to sleep please clean the dishes,” I said walking up stairs. I wonder what she was going to say about Brian. It’s bugging me. I walked into my room and close the door and lean my head against it and let out a big sigh. And then without noticing tears began to fall down my face. Argh! Why am I crying? Is it because of him? Is he making me like this again? I don’t want him to have this affect on me anymore. I’ve tried so hard for the last year or so to stop thinking about him. Now I just hear his name and I start to cry. Why? I hate love. I hate it! I sank to the ground and bured my head in my arms and cried.
*knock* knock* Someone was knocking on my door. I quickly wiped away my tears. I hope my eyes weren’t too red.
“Jina are you in there?” he said from behind the door. It was Hwanhee.
“Yeah I am,” I said. My voice sounded like I’ve been crying which I was. I looked at myself in the mirror what I saw was someone pathetic. I can’t open the door or else Hwanhee would know that I was crying.
“Are you okay?” he said worried.
“Yeah fine,”
“Can I come in?”
“I’m sorry Hwanhee but I’m tired and want to go to sleep so good night,” I said quickly.
“Jina I want to talk,” Hwanhee said. “Please,” Why did he have to say please? He knows that always work on me especially because it’s him. I have a soft spot for Hwanhee. I gave up and opened the door for him and let him in. 
“You’ve been crying,” Hwanhee stated when he looked at me.
“So,” I said turning away from him.
“Why?”
“I dunno,” I shrugged off.
“Jina you can tell me anything. I’m your cousin but you’re more like the little sister I never had. C’mon it must be about this Brian guy,” Hwanhee said. I flinched at Brian’s name. He was right I was crying because of Brian. I knew I can always depend on Hwanhee for anything and in the months that I‘ve been here he had been like a brother to me.
“….” I didn’t say anything.
“You never get personal with us. We didn’t even know that your sister treated you like that. You never say much about your life back in the states. You closed off everyone Jina. You have to let it someone in,” Hwanhee plea to me and he gave me that look. The one I just couldn’t say no to.
“He was just a guy I feel in love with,” I plainly stated.
“He seem to be more than that,” Hwanhee said. He’s really gonna push it isn’t he?
“He was my first and only love,” I said. So I told Hwanhee about Brian. I told him about the crazy things we would do such as going 100 mph on the free way and almost getting caught. I told him about the time Brian and I went bungee jumping together. I told him of the days I spent alone doing nothing much because Brian was at school and I didn’t go to college. I told him about the time Brian use to get mad at me because he said I was getting nowhere in life. And I told him about him cheating on me with Cindy and the days I spent crying and the things I did to try to get over Brian. After an hour or two of pouring my heart out it was finally over.
“So he broke your heart,” Hwanhee said
“Yeah, but I’m okay. I think,” I said not even sure of myself.
“You don’t believe in love anymore?” where did that come from?
“Love? Love sucks,” I said lying down onto my pillow.
“Don’t say that,” Hwanhee said.
“Why not?”
“Because it doesn’t”
“But you never experience it so you wouldn’t know,” I told him.
“Come here,” Hwanhee said with his arms open. Eh? Is he gonna give me a hug. I haven’t had one of those in ages. I hesitated because I haven’t done it in such a long time. No one ever gave me hugs except for Brian. I got up from my position and walk towards Hwanhee. I wrap my arms around Hwanhee and he puts his arms around mine. It felt good to be receiving a hug for once.

In the Middle of the Night

I can’t sleep again. I’m getting tired of these sleepless nights. It’s never been this bad before. I might as well get something to eat so I dragged my tired ass down stairs to find something to eat. I noticed that the light was already on in the kitchen. It must be one of the guys. When I got into the kitchen it was one of the guys, the one I didn’t want to see at all. Minwoo was rummaging through the fridge for food I’m guessing. All I wanted was some nice warm milk. He hadn’t notice me yet so I grabbed a glass cup and move my way towards the fridge. He was holding onto the door handle when I yanked it away from him.
“Hey,” he shouted and looked at me but didn’t say anymore. I was expecting him to call me a name or something.
“I want some milk,” I said or more like demanded. To my surprised he actually handed me the milk carton. Is he sleep walking? He must be. I took it from him and poured me some milk then stuck it in the microwave to warm it up. Minwoo’s head was still stuck in the fridge and he finally came up with something to eat. It was something I cooked earlier. We didn’t say anything to each other and the seconds pass by us slowly. I knew he was waiting to use the microwave. We didn’t dare to look at each other either. *Beeeeeeeeep* finally my milk was ready. I open the microwave door grabbed my milk. 
“Owwww fuck!” I screamed and drop the glass cup, which shattered once it hit the ground.
“Are you okay?” Minwoo said rushing over and grabbing my hand. It was hurting like hell.
“I’m fine,” I said pulling my hand away from him and rushing over to the sink. I turn on the cool water and cool my hand down. I hope I doesn’t get any blisters. 
“I’m sorry,” Minwoo said from behind.
”What are you sorry for?” I snapped at him. 
“I’m not sorry for your burn that was your own fault. I’m sorry for everything else. For calling you a bitch, for telling everyone about your tattoo and eyes, and for being such a jerk to you,” Minwoo said. Why is he all of a sudden sorry? It must be because of the message my sister left behind.
“Are you feeling sorry for me now? Just because I have a bitchy sister and a father who doesn’t give a shit about me,” I asked him. 
“No. I’m apologizing because I want to but I’ll take it back if you don’t want me to apologize,” he said. 
“I don’t need your apologies,” I said.
“Fine,” Minwoo said and went back to microwaving his food. Once again silence fell between us. Once my hand felt better I went to get the broom to clean up my mess. On my way headed back to the kitchen I heard Minwoo cuss. I rush over to the kitchen to see what had happened. I saw Minwoo at the sink and it looked as if he was washing away blood from his hand.
“Don’t do that it’ll make the wound worst,” I told him as I walk over to the sink.
“How would you know?” he asked.
“I had to volunteer at a hospital one summer so I know certain things,” I said and grabbed a towel and put it over his cut.
“I’m sorry,” it was my turn to apologize.
“Apology accepted,” Minwoo said as I held his hand. He’s making me feel guilty for not accepting his apology.
“Why did you try to pick up the glass?” I asked him.
“I was trying to help out,” he said.
“Oh, thanks,” I said.
“What? Did I just hear you right? Did you just say thank you to me?” Minwoo said surprised and unsure if I did say Thank you.
“Yes you heard right and I’m not saying again,” I said.
“Owww,” he said.
“What?” I asked.
“Don’t push on it. It hurts,” Minwoo said.
“You need to put pressure on it or else it’ll keep on bleeding,” I told him.
“Oh,” was all he said.
“Hold the towel against your wound,” I said and rush upstairs to get the first aid kit from the bathroom. When I got back Minwoo was in the living room on the couch staring at the TV. He looked as if he was in deep thoughts. I didn’t really want to bother him but his wound would get worst if I didn’t help it. So I drop myself next to him and took his hand away from him. I began to tend to it. Again nothing was said between us. While I was working his cut I could feel that his eyes were on me. I was getting annoyed.
“What?” I said frustrated.
“Did you really love him that much?” he said. Oh gawd I don’t want to talk about this.
“…..” I didn’t answer him.
“He seem to have a great affect you,” Minwoo continued.
“Please don’t talk about him,” I said to him. I can’t think of Brian right now. I need to get him out of my mind. Minwoo didn’t say anything else. And it made me wonder why he cared anyways? And why did he want to know about Brian? And mostly why did he want to know about me? I’m just the housekeeper. I patched Minwoo up and clean up my mess. I said good night to Minwoo and went back to sleep or at least tried to sleep.

Chp. 9

It’s been one year, two months, and four days since I found him kissing her. When I walked into that room and saw them kissing at first I was shock but that only lasted for about five seconds. I wanted to kill them both. I wanted to ripped them both apart but I couldn’t because in that moment I felt something inside of me die and I couldn’t move anymore. I don’t know how I ever came to it but Brian had became my everything. He was the only good thing in my life. He was the one I ran to when my father was getting on my case. The one I turned to when my world seem to be falling down but then in that moment when my world was falling a part I had no one to turn to. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t do anything. My heart was ripped out, stomp on a couple of thousands of times, then chopped up. I couldn’t move so I just sat there with no tears falling staring at the floor.
Brian and that bitch stop kissing and came over to me. Brian tried to come up with some excuse but I knew it was already over. The bitch on the other hand was trying to tell Brian to tell me the truth. The truth was that they’ve been sneaking around my back for six months. Six months! That’s when I snapped out of my shock and ran after Brian. I wanted to choke him so much but most of all I wanted him to rip out his heart, stomp on it a couple thousands of time and then chop it all up. I was so furious. I’ve never been a bigger bitch in my life before. But I had a right to be a bitch. The only thing that stop me was Brian’s butler. I left the house rode on my motorcycle and sped down the highway. I wouldn’t have cared if every state trooper was after me for speeding. I just rode and rode until I came to the edge of town and I stopped my bike, sank down on my knees and cried.
So I sat there at the edge of town crying my heart out. When the last speck of sunlight was gone something inside me grew. It was angered, wounded, hurt and it was full of pain, rage, and jealousy. Finally the green eye monster inside of me had came out. I got on my bike and drove to the pier. You might as why the pier? Well because there was the yacht that Brian owned and I just happen to have the keys to it. So I did what any girl in my situation would have done. No I didn’t burn it down although that was tempting. I trashed the place with my anger and jealousy. I tore the place up. I just couldn’t help myself. I had to do something. I had to get back at him. Brian got the best of me. I gave him everything and all that I had. With him I was vulnerable and naive and it ruined me. He ruined me. Minwoo was right, my heart is jaded. It’s warned out, over worked, tired and sick. I got a jaded heart to fit my jaded eyes. 



~~~~~~~~~

“So what do you guys wanna do tonight?” Hyesung asked the guys. It was a Friday night and there’s nothing to do again. This town can be so boring.
“I don’t know we’ve done everything that could be done,” Junjin shrugged.
“Lets go to a club,” Andy said doing a little dance. Haha! He looks like such a dork.
“Noooo not a club we always do that,” Eric whined.
“I know, lets get drunk and bitch about men,” I suggested. All the guys turned to me and gave me a strange look. 
“That’s no fun, we’re guys,” Dongwan said.
“I didn’t say it’ll be fun for you,” I said back to him.
“Hupmh women are always complaining about men,” Minwoo snorted at me.
“Well if they weren’t such jerks we wouldn’t have anything to complain about,”
“Hey you better watch it. You’re in a room filled with men,” Junjin said walking towards me.
“So what cha gonna do?” I challenged him with my eyes.
“We’re gonna tie you down and….and….and….” Junjin tried to think of something. Oh look at that look on his face. He seem to be hurting himself thinking too much like that.
“Wet you with water!” Andy shouted. We all turned to give him that you’re-such-a-dork look.
“Oh no I’m shaking down to my bones,” I said sarcastically.
“We’ll tie you up anyways,” Junjin said picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder. Damn his ass looks nice from this view. I don’t know but maybe it’s just me but these guys seem to be looking hotter and hotter every day. Maybe it’s just that I haven’t flirted with other guys in a long time. I kept staring at Junjin’s ass. What else could I do? When I looked up I saw Minwoo looking at me. I could feel the heat rush up to my cheeks as I blush. Being caught checking out a guys ass was embarrassing.
”What are you guys doing with my cousin?” Hwanhee said.
“We’re gonna tie her up and torture her,” Dongwan smiled.
“Hwanhee make them stop,” I screamed as they take me out to the patio.
“Hey guys don’t hurt her, she had a hard day,” Hwanhee was always the sweet one looking after me.
“But torturing her would be sooooooo fun,” Andy gave an evil grin.
“Okay but don’t rough her up,” Hwanhee said a matter-of-factly.
“*gasp* Hwanhee”
“Hold her,” Junjin said handing me to Minwoo. MINWOO! Minwoo held me like baby. Why am I still in his arms? I try to wiggle my way out but he held on tight.
“Don’t think you’re gonna get away from me,” Minwoo whispered into my ears.
“Guys please just let me go.” I plead. “I’m really tired. I’ve been cleaning all day.” I gave them my feel-sorry-for-me look.
“Oooohhh not that look,” Eric said covering his eyes.
“Junjin,” I said pouting..
“Ok, ok, ok, let her go Minwoo,” Junjin said.
“No,” Minwoo said. My eyes widen just like everyone else.
“What?! Let me go,” I demanded.
“No, I’m gonna get you back for all those times you’ve been mean to me,”
“Meeeee? Mean? I’m not mean,”
“Don’t act innocent,”
“What cha gonna do then?”
”I’m gonna lock you up in my room…..” Minwoo said. Huh?
”OOOooooooo,” the guys said.
“And make you listen tot Hyesung rap,” Minwoo said with a smile. A smile crept onto my face.
“Noooooooo not Hyesung,” I screamed.
“Hahhahahahaha…” everyone laughed except for Hyesung who was now pouting. While Minwoo was laughing I happen to manage to get out of his arms and ran into the house. I quickly closed the door behind me and locked it. Ha! That will teach them not to mess with me. The guys kept pounding on the sliding glass door.
“Jina let us in,” they shouted in unison. I glared at them and lip-sync to the that I couldn’t hear them.
*Ding dong* That was the doorbell. I signaled to the guys that it was the door bell and that I was going to get it. I opened the door to six hooche looking girls. These girls look like they belong to a street corner. One of them I recognized as Hyekung the girl from the concert.
“Can I help you?” I said with a little annoyance in my voice.
“Is Minwoo home?” she said giving me a smile. It was fake. It was as fake as that nose of hers.
“Umm he’s kind of busy right now,” I said. I could hear the pounding getting louder and louder from behind me. Geesh don’t those guys have the brain to jump over the fence and come through the first door. Hyekung began to look behind me.
“Well, we’ll just wait for them,” Hyekung said pushing me aside and walking right through the door with the other hoochies following her. Oh hell no she did not just brush me aside like that. I was about to chase after her when someone tugged me from behind.
“No fighting,” Hwanhee said shaking his head. The other guys were behind him. They finally figured it out.
“But Hwanhee….” I whined. He just shook his head. I’ll get her next time.
“Minwoo how are you?” Hyekung said running up to him and giving him a peck on the cheeks. Ewww puh-lease I feel like throwing up already.
“Hahahaha you should see the look on your face Jina,” Andy laugh.
“Oh Minwoo…” I said imitating Hyekung as I ran up to Hyesung and gave him a peck on the cheek. Hehehehehe Hyesung was surprised and so were everybody else in the room. Geesh it was just a joke. The Hyekung girl didn’t look very fond of it though. 
“Ahem…” Hyekung cleared her throat. “I brought five lovely girls for you guys,” she said. The guys turn to look at the hooche looking girls who all gave them smiles.
“You mean hooche,” I mumbled.
“What was that?” Minwoo asked me.
“Huh? What? Oh I said Wow cheese!” I said walking towards the kitchen. Dongwan, Junjin, Eric, Hwanhee and Hyesung chuckled. Andy just stood there dazed. I went into the kitchen purposely looking for a piece of cheese to bring back with me. I looked into the fridge and luckily for me there was a piece of cheese left. I walked back to the living room eating my piece of cheese. When I got there the guys were paired up with one of the girls except for Hyesung. Hyesung? Why is Hwanhee with the girl instead of Hyesung? Everyone was about to leave.
“Where are you guys going?” I asked.
“To a party,” Andy said putting his arms around his girl.
“Oh,” I said. Jerks didn’t even bother to ask me.
“Hey take care of the house,” Hwanhee said. He sound as if he was in a rush.
“Don’t I always,” I said. 
“C’mon guys lets go,” Hyekung said. I really don’t like the way she’s holding onto Minwoo so tight.
“Oh yes go! Leave! Let me be all alone in this place,” I said with a bit of bitterness as they leave.
“You won’t be alone, I’ll be here with you,” Hyesung said.
“Huh? Why aren’t you going?” I questioned.
“I don’t feel like going out,” Hyesung sighed.
“Well I guess it’s just you and me then,” I said to him. What am I gonna do with Hyesung? It’ll be fun to get him drunk again.
“What do you want to do?” Hyesung asked me.
“Get wildly drunk and have sex,” I joked. I swore Hyesung stood there with his mouth open wide and his eyes almost popping out. “I’m kidding Hyesung. You couldn’t handle me anyways,” I joked again. This time Hyesung looked angry. “That was another joke. Sheesh you take me too seriously,”
“I can never tell when you’re kidding or not,” He whined.
“That’s the fun part. Now what do you want to do?”
“I don’t know,” he shrugged.
“Well you can stay here. I’m going to grab myself something to drink and then get my ass on top of the roof,” I said heading towards the fridge.
“Wait didn’t Hwanhee tell you not to go up there anymore?” Hyesung said.
“Do I ever listen to Hwanhee?”
“Half the time,”
“Well then this is the other half in which I don’t listen to him,” I grabbed a pack of beer and went up stairs to grab a blanket too. When I came back Hyesung was leaning on the back of the couch, with his legs cross and arms folded across his chest.
“I don’t think it’s good of you to be drinking up there,” Hyesung stated.
“I don’t care what you think,”
“I’m not letting you go up there with those,”
“Stop me then,”
“Okay,” He said rolling up his sleeves.
“Hahahahah,” I laughed at him. “You don’t have to try too hard. I’ll put some of them away. Not because of you but because I really don’t like Korean beer,”
“You know you were scared,”
“Oh yeah sure,” I said sarcastically as I put away some of the beers.
“Umm….can I join you it gets lonely,”
”As long as you don’t get drunk and jump off the roof. I don’t wanna be cleaning you up off the ground now,” 
“I should be saying that to you. You’re the crazy one,”
“Me? Crazy? No I’m not. You should see yourself when you’re drunk,”
“Oh yeah sure,” He threw my line back at me. We climbed the ladder up to the roof. I laid the blanket down so we could sit on it. We watched the stars and drank the beer in silence.
“Why did you kiss me tonight?” Hyesung said out of the blue. Is he talking about that little peck? 
“I was just making fun of that Hyekung girl and you were the closest guys to me,”
“Wheee thank goodness because I thought you liked me or something and I was afraid to tell you that I don’t like you in that way,” he said. Does he have to be so relieved?
“Oh but you don’t,” I said pouting at him.
“No, I mean you’re a…ni…cool girl but I don’t like you in that way,”
“Hehehehe it’s okay I can live with that thought,” I said going back to drinking my beer.
“Stars are just big ball of gases….it must really smell out there in space,” Hyesung said.
“Puhahahahaha….Hyesung…I …didn’t..know….you…were…funny,” I said in between laughs.
“Hey I could be fun to hang out with,” he defended himself. We started talking about the guys and made fun of each and everyone of them.
“So what’s the real reason why you didn’t go out tonight?” I asked him after things calmed down. We were now lying down on the blanket. I knew he wasn’t telling the truth earlier when he said he didn’t feel like going out.
“Because I….” 
“C’mon Hyesung you can tell me,” I had an instinct it had to do with a girl.
“I know I was bound to see her,” he said. He didn’t have to say her name in order to make me realize who he was talking about. I knew it was Shoo, the girl from the other day.
“What’s so wrong with seeing her?” I asked.
“Because it brings back all the memories, when we were together. It brings back all the pain that she ever caused me. It gives me a heart ache. I don’t wanna see her. It’s not good for me,” Hyesung said. I know how he feels.
“I know what you mean but I try to not let him bother me. Every time he does, I get on my bike and ride. It’s wickedly fun having the wind blow through while you’re driving down the highway at 90 mph.” I said.
“I don’t think that’s the solution to my problem,” He said leaning his head on my shoulders. 
“I know it never solves mine either,” I whispered as I leaned my head on top of his. We stayed there staring up at the stars.

Chp. 10

“Maybe they went out somewhere,” someone was saying. Am I dreaming?
“No they wouldn’t do leave without leaving a note,” that voice sound very familiar. Why is it so dark? And who’s besides me?
“We’ve been looking for them for the last forty minutes, they’ll come home,” someone said again.
“Hyesung! Jina!” someone shouted. Geesh that sound as if it’s right by my ear. I open my eyes but all I see is darkness. And before I know it two dark brown eyes are right in front of me.
“What the hell are you doing up here? What the hell are you two doing up here?”
“Oh well you stop screaming! I already have a head ache!” I said.
“Who’s screaming Jina? And where’s my beer?” Hyesung asked.
“What am I? Your wife? Hell no!” I said to him. “Minwoo you’re his bitch you give him a beer,” Am I still drunk?
“Oh gawd you guys are wasted,” he said.
“Hyesung get up Hyesung,” I shook him
“Hyesung you guys gotta get off this roof top before you guys fall,” Minwoo said. Did he sound concern? “Guys I need help!”
“Hahahaha you need mental help,” Hyesung said laughing.
“Hahahaha Hyesung I knew it would be fun getting you drunk,” I said.
“Jina, what were you thinking getting drunk up here?” Hwanhee said.
“Girls just want to have fun,” I half-sang as Hwanhee lifted me up off the blanket.
“Minwoo grab Hyesung,” Hwanhee ordered him. I don’t know how they did it but somehow they got me and Hyesung into the house. Hwanhee began to lecture us about how irresponsible we were and blah blah blah. I wasn’t really paying attention to him because I was looking at Minwoo who kept on giving me and Hyesung strange looks. What’s his problem?
”Hwanhee are you done yet? I wanna go to sleep,” I whined.
“Jina are you even taking me seriously,” Hwanhee said with a little bit of anger.
“Of course I take you seriously. It’s just that I rather go to sleep,”
”*sigh* Okay you look tired anyways,” Hwanhee gave up.
I got up and head towards the stairs when I begin to sway. I swayed right into Minwoo’s arms.
“Geesh be careful,” Minwoo said. Half-eyed closed I look up to Minwoo. Maybe all this alcohol is affecting my eye sight because Minwoo looks soooooo fione right now.
“I’ll be…whoa…what are you doing?” I said to Minwoo as he carried me upstairs.
“You could barely walk,” Minwoo said as we approach my bedroom door. I didn’t protest Minwoo carrying me. I was too tired to care. I was surprised when he began to take off my shoes. I thought he would just throw me on the bed and leave. He began to tuck me in. He isn’t going soft on me now is he? Right before he leaves I called out his name and he turns around to look at me. I don’t know why I remember strangest things at a time like this. And I don’t know why I’m even going to ask him this…maybe it’s the beer.
“Can you help me take off my contacts? I don’t want to be all dried eye in the morning,” I said. He just nods his head.
“Thanks,” I said. I directed him to where my solution and contact holder were. Minwoo came to sit by the edge of my bed as I took off my contacts. I gave him each side as I took them off.
“Thanks again Minwoo,” I said.
“You’re welcome,” Minwoo said. He just sat there looking at me or was he looking at my eyes? The moment between us was becoming awkward.
“Minwoo what’s wrong?” I asked breaking the silence.
“I still think they’re incredibly beautiful,” Minwoo whispered.
“Hahaha Minwoo you’re so silly,” I said laying on my pillow and pulling up my covers. “Turn off the light please,”
“Good night Jina,” I thought I heard Minwoo whispered.


There’s must be something really wrong with me. For the last three months I haven’t done anything reckless at all. No stealing, no driving on the highway at ninety miles per hour. I haven’t driven anyone crazy yet. Hmmmm I’m itching to do something. Three months is a record for me. Three months here and I somewhat became attached to these guys, which isn’t good because I’ll be leaving in three months. I’ll admit it, I’m a stubborn person so I don’t like change. But I don’t know if I like this change in me. I’ve become ….what would the word be….Nicer? Naaawww I’m still torturing Andy and Hyesung. Calmer? I think that would be the word. I don’t shout that loud and I’m not so angry or grumpy any more. My temper doesn’t seem to clash with Minwoo anymore. I mean we still argue but not as much. I don’t know if I’m gonna like this change.
“Jina are you ready?” Dongwan asked from behind the door. Its five o’clock in the morning and guess what we’re doing? No nothing nasty or naughty. We’re taking a jog. No only have I changed in the inside but I gain a couple of pounds. So I asked Dongwan to help me out. But the guy is crazy. I swear he could win a marathon if he ever enter one.
“Hold up Dongwan,” I said as I put on my running shoes. I open my door to leave and there stood Dongwan and Minwoo. Minwoo? What the heck is he doing here?
“Why are you here,” I eyed him suspiciously. Minwoo just grumbles. He didn’t sound as if he wanted to be here.
“Lee Soo Man said that he was adding on some weight and needed to take them off,” Dongwan explained.
“Oh I see. Too much drinking Minwoo you seem to be getting a beer belly,” I said as I patted his stomach and walked pass them to go down stairs.

*an hour later*

“Sheesh that boy got more energy than the freakin sun! How can he run so much?” I said as I stopped to rest.
“I know what you mean. Look at that smile on his face. He makes it look like it’s a breeze running five miles,” Minwoo said as he stopped by me on the bench. We’ve been running for an hour now around the park. Dongwan was up ahead and he seem as if he could run thousand more miles. I crashed down on the bench and close my eyes. Thank goodness the sun is barely rising or I’ll be sweating even more.
“C’mon guys just run five more miles,” Dongwan said as he jogged in place.
“You run five miles, I’m gonna crawl back home,” I said.
“Me too, I know I should have asked Eric instead of you,” Minwoo said exhausted.
“Oh c’mon guys. It isn’t so bad,” Dongwan continued to urge us.
“No more Dongwan please,” I complained.
“You’re killing us,” Minwoo added.
“Let’s get out of here Minwoo,” I said to him.
“Yeah Dongwan can run his own five miles,” Minwoo said and we got up to leave.
“You guys are a bunch of wuss,” Dongwan said upset that we were leaving. 
“No we’re not. You’re just crazy,” I said and began to walk with Minwoo back to the house. We walked in silence. We didn’t say a word to each other. We were probably too tired to talk. We were walking half-way out of the park when I saw four girls running towards us. I step onto the grass area to let them pass by. I continued to walk for about ten feet when I realize that Minwoo wasn’t standing by my side anymore. I turned around to see Minwoo standing with the girls. He was staring at one girl in particular. I walked back to Minwoo. I looked from Minwoo to the girl and then back. He was staring at her intensely. She was pretty. Really pretty, I mean compared to me, who was wearing sweats and a sweat shirt, and her, who was in a sports bar and biker shorts, I look like shiet. Why am I even comparing myself with her? They continued to stare at each other. The other girls seem to have back off. Geesh if they stare at each other any longer with that look they’ll burn each other up.
“Hyori….” Minwoo whispered. My eyes popped out of my socket and my jaw hit the ground. This is Hyori. THE HYORI. The one that broke Minwoo’s heart. I didn’t even know he had a heart. I picked my jaw off the ground and put my eyes back into by sockets before Minwoo saw the look on my face. He doesn’t know that I know about Hyori. What am I supposed to do? Drag him away? Or do I let him talk to her? Am I supposed to even do something? 

Chp. 11

“I’ll be over there,” I said pointing in the opposite direction. I should leave. It’s really none of my business what happens between them. I walked to the grass area about fifty feet away from them. I plopped myself down on the grass and started looking at the sunrise. I haven’t done that in awhile. I’m not use to waking up this early. I started to pick away at the grass around me. My hands were itching to do something. When I looked back at Minwoo and Hyori they seem to be in a deep talk. The three other girls have left already. I don’t know how long I waited but I think I totally killed the grass with all my plucking. I’ve notice that the sun was high now and Minwoo and Hyori were still talking. I checked my watch to see what time it was. Heck No! It was already eight o’clock that meant they’ve been talking for two hours. Damn! What the fuck am I still doing here? I should have left a long time ago. I looked at Minwoo and Hyori and to my surprise they were hugging each other. I believe that was my cue to leave now. I walked slowly home feeling a little sick in the stomach. I must be hungry.
When I got home Hwanhee gave me a big hug. “Where have u been? I was worried about you. Dongwan said that you and Minwoo left before he did,” Hwanhee frantically said.
“We kind of bumped into someone,” I said getting out of Hwnahee’s embrace. I’m still not use to it.
“You took a long time. Now I’m very hungry,” Junjin said pouting.
“Me too, I almost ate what Eric cooked,” Andy said.
“Eh? Eric cooked? Hahahahaha that so funny,” I said laughing.
“Hey this doesn’t taste so bad. Wanna try it?” Eric said with a spoonful of …I had no idea what it was.
“No thank you,” I said.
“Hey where’s Minwoo?” Hyesung said looking around.
“Don’t tell me you killed him and threw him in a ditch?” Hwanhee said eyeing me.
“I wish,” I said just in time to see Minwoo and Hyori walking in arm in arm. The guys had the same reaction as I did when I saw Hyori.
“You can pick your jaws off the floor now,” Minwoo said with a big grin.
“Hi guys,” Hyori said cheerfully.
“Hi,” they all said.
“So what does this mean?” Dongwan asked.
“We’re together again,” Minwoo said with even a bigger smile. All the guys went up to Minwoo congratulating him. Geesh they act as if he was getting married or something. I just stood in the back drinking my water. She seemed to make him happy. The guys began to talk to her and wasn’t paying much attention to me so much for being worried about me. I ran upstairs to take a shower. When I went back down stairs to the kitchen no one was there. I heard laughter coming from the patio. I went to go check it out. All of them were laughing and enjoying themselves. I never seen them laugh with me like that before. Eh? Am I getting jealous? No time to get jealous my stomach is growling. It was really loud growl because everyone turned to look at me.
“Hey Jina come and join us,” Hwanhee said signaling me to come over.
“Why bother to ask? You guys seem to be having fun with out me,” I mumbled to myself.
“What was that?” Dongwan said.
“I said what do you guys want to eat? Breakfast is on me!” I lied.
“Oh we already ate,” Hyesung said.
“Yeah Minwoo cooked for us he cooked….” Andy was about to continue but he must have seen the look on my face. I was angry and surprised at the same time. Minwoo? Cook? What the fuck! I haven’t seen him touch a pot since I’ve been here.
“Oh…” I said as I turned around to go back to the kitchen. I started to look in the fridge to find something to eat but there was nothing. I slammed the door in frustration. I was about to grab a box of cereal from the counter when I found myself face to face with Hyori.
“Hi, I’m Hyori,” she said extending her hand out to me I looked at her hand. What the hell? I’ll shake it.
“I’m Jina,” I said as I shook her hand. If we were ever to arm wrestle I’ll beat her in less than a second. I gave her one of my fake smile. I just didn’t have the emotion to conjure up a real one. I don’t even know if I should be happy that this girl is here and now she’s back with Minwoo. What the hell did they talk about during those two hours?
“Sorry we didn’t save you any food,” Hyori apologized.
“No problem I’m the cook so I’m the one that supposed to provide the food,” I said grabbing a box of cereal and a bowl. I open the fridge and took out the milk and poured it. I took my food to the table and sat and ate and ignored Hyori. What am I suppose to do? Talk to her? I’m not into girl talk. I ate stabbing at my food and staring at the wall as I chew. I wondered if she sense that I’m mad?
“Hey baby, what’s taking so long?” It was Minwoo. I stop staring at the wall just in time to see him kiss her. Gosh I must be eating this wrong because I felt a sickness in my chest. Minwoo looked my way but I quickly turn my eyes back to the wall. I don’t know but this anger just builds inside me when I see him touch her like that. What the hell is that anyways? And what the hell did they put in this cereal to make me feel like this?
“Hey Jina, sorry about earlier, I saw you waiting,” Wait a minute! Does Minwoo actually sound nice to me? My gawd she does have a great impact on him if he’s acting nice to me.
“No problem,” I said finishing my cereal, throwing the bowl in the sink and leaving them alone. Why do I have the urge to run again?

*a week later*

Fuck! I can’t sleep again. Freakin dreams are bothering me again. I need a cigarette to calm me down again. I creep out of my bed and put on my robe. I slowly walked down the hall in the dark. I know Hyesung is hiding a pack of cigarette in his room. Bad boy! He shouldn’t smoke because it would ruin his voice. Oh well it’s his life. In order to go to Hyesung’s room I had to past Junjin’s and Minwoo’s room. I passed Junjin’s room and his door was slightly open he was asleep and snoring. I walked pass Minwoo’s and I could hear noises from inside. I knew she was over and I definitely knew what they were doing. It’s really none of my business. I just don’t want to wash the sheets after they’re done with it. EEWwwww he’s washing his own bed sheet this weekend. I finally got to Hyesung’s room and there he laid all curled up in a ball. He looked like a little baby. I slowly creep up to the drawer next to his bed. I slowly open and what do ya know it was there. Aaaahhhh freedom. I grabbed the pack of cigarette and a lighter too.
“Thanks Hyesung you’re the best,” I whispered into his ear and gave him a little peck on the head. A smile appeared on his face. He must be having a good dream. I loved teasing him because he’s such a sweet guy. I left his room and headed down stairs to the patio to smoke my cigarette. I really need to stop this bad habit of mine. I shouldn’t be smoking at all. I need to find something else to calm me down every time I have a nightmare. If I don’t I’ll soon have lung cancer. I lit the cigarette and started to smoke. The night sky is filled with clouds waiting for the right moment to pour out it’s rain. 
“Nightmares again?” someone said from behind. I smelt him before he came. I could smell his cologne mixed in with her perfume and the smell of sex. It was not a delight to smell.
I cocked my head to the side and raised an eyebrow “It seems like something or someone is keeping you up too?” I said to him. He just gave me a big grin. Oh puh-lease! I should just smack him and his lust right off the face of this earth.
“What are you doing out here?” he asked with concern. A week and that Hyori girl had changed him a lot. Now he’s all nice and stuff. It kind of makes me sick. I don’t really like this new Minwoo.
“Smoking can’t you tell?” I snapped at him. 
“Sheesh you don’t have to be all uptight about it,” Minwoo said.
“I should be asking you what are YOU doing out here?”
“I needed a break,”
“Oh she’s working you too hard?” I rolled my eyes at him. 
Minwoo ignored my look and said, “So what did you dream about this time?” Huh? Why does he wanna know? He act as if he always cared.
“The same dream like always,” 
“They just don’t seem to go away huh?”
“Nope,” I said and things seem to quiet down between us. Why is he even here? I don’t want him here. Why isn’t he leaving already? Damn it! I want to be by myself.
“Can you leave?” I asked him. He looked surprised. 
“Why?” he asked.
“Because I want to be alone,”
“Why do you want to be alone?”
“Why do you care?”
“Jina what’s wrong?” 
“Nothing, can you just leave,”
“But…”
“LET ME DROWN IN MY MISERY WHILE YOU GO DROWN IN YOUR LUST GOD DAMN IT!” I shouted at him in anger and frustration. I don’t know where this all came from. Minwoo looked at me a little disappointed and angry too and he slowly walked away. Was I too harsh? Oh well it’s just Minwoo. I continued to smoke my cigarette and looked at the sky and soon it started to rain. It first started out as a small sprinkle and soon it was pouring. I don’t know what I’m thinking but I took off my robe and walked into the rain. It was cold alright but I was use to the coldness of this world. In about five minutes my pajamas were soaking wet. I turned around in the rain like a little kid and let it wash away my misery. I don’t even know if that worked. I spent about twenty minutes in the rain. It was getting very cold. I walked back to the patio and put on my robe. My lips were trembling and my hair was dripping wet. I was also shaking. I slowly walked into the house.
“aaaahhhhh!” someone screamed as I bumped into them in the dark.
“Junjin?” I said questioning who it was.
“Why the hell are you all wet?” he said looking at me.
“I….” I never finish my sentence because I blacked out. 

Chp. 12

When I was younger no one really ever took care of me. The only person that bothered to look after me was my nanny. She raised me until I was eight and then she died. I think she was the only other human being I ever loved besides Brian. She was an old lady. I remember in her last day on earth she looked so fragile. They said her heart was weakening but I didn’t believed that was possible. Because I believed she had the strongest heart in the world. It was filled with so much love. How can someone with so much love have a weak heart? 
From then on I was a very independent kid. I took care of myself. I didn’t become sick easily. I had a pretty good immune system. When Susan became sick my father and step-mom were by her side immediately. But the one time I was sick they didn’t even notice me. I was twelve then I don’t even know how I managed to but I did. I stayed in bed for a day and a half. Susan came into see me once one night I believe it was go call for dinner. She took one look inside my room and I knew she saw me in bed but she left back down stairs. They didn’t even care. The only reason why I got batter was because I paid the maid to go buy me some medicine. From then on I took care of myself well enough to not become sick. 


Man its hot in here. Don’t tell I’ve died and gone to hell already. I wasn’t ready to go yet I wanted to take some people along with me. My body felt so weak and it felt as if I’m on fire. I could barely kick this blanket off of me. I slowly opened my eyes and blinked twice. Oh damn that’s a bright light maybe I got into heaven after all. 
“Oh you’re a wake,” a young lady in a nurse outfit said to me. I’m guessing she’s a nurse or maybe an angel. 
“Where am I?” I whispered, even my tongue felt hot.
“You’re in the hospital,” she said feeling my head. Her hands were very cool.
“Why am I here?” 
“I believe from what I heard you stayed out in the rain too long and caught pneumonia,” she said sticking a thermometer into my mouth and then she pulled it back out. “102.1, still high you should rest more,” she said.
“Excuse me nurse…”
“It’s Sidney,” she said.
“Sidney, who brought me here,”
“Well you were accompanied by six very good looking men,” she said and left. Now I remember what I did to get me here. I stood out in the rain too long. I hate being sick it’s one of the worst feelings in the world. Being in a hospital room makes me sick even more. Why does everything have to be so freakin white? I hate white it’s so…so… pure. And that light is killing my eyes. My throat is feeling dry too. With my feverish hand I reach to the side table to get some water. 
“You’re finally up,” I drop the cup of water at the sound of Hyesung’s voice. 
“Hyesung,”
“I’m sorry Jina,” he said rushing over to clean the mess. 
“Where’s everyone?” I asked as Hyesung clean the mess with paper towel. Before he could answer. They all came walking in. 
“What were you doing out in the rain?” Hwanhee asked. 
“You scared me,” Junjin said with his hand to his chest. 
“You scared all of us,” Andy added. 
“Yeah Jina don’t ever do it again,” Dongwan said. 
“You always do crazy things,” Hyesung said as he threw the paper towel away. 
“I needed a shower,” I shrugged off. I don’t know why I went out in the rain. I guess I wanted to wash away my misery but that didn’t help much because I feel ever more miserable. 
“Don’t joke at a time like this,” Hwanhee said. 
“I’m sorry Hwanhee,” I said.
“The nurse said you still had a fever,” Eric said feeling my head. 
“Yeah, at least you can say I’m a hot chick now,” I joked around. Eric, Dongwan, Junjin, Hyesung, and Andy all smiled. Hwanhee just shook his head. 
“But you were a hot chick,” Junjin said teasing. 
“I know but now I’m really really hot,”
“No more joking now answer my question,” Hwanhee said. 
“You make me worried to much,” he added.
“I dunno. I just wanted to feel the rain,” I said. 
“I’m just glad you’re okay,” he said. 
“Hey there’s something missing,” I said.
“What do you mean?” Andy said confused. 
“Guess?” 
“Why would anything be missing?” Hyesung said. 
“Well I’m in the hospital room and when people are sick other people bring them…...” I tried to give them a hint. 
“Candy?” Junjin guessed. 
“A book to read,” Dongwan said. Oh gosh these guys are dense. 
“It’s starts with an F,” 
“Food?” Hyesung said. Oh forget it I give up. 
“Never mind,” I said. 
“Flowers,” Eric said. Finally someone got brains. 
“Oh you’ve been here almost one day and we forgot to get you flowers,” Dongwan said. 
“And balloons,” Andy added. 
“I don’t feel so special now,” I pouted. 
“We’ll make it up to you,” Hyesung said. 
“You better. I want everything the gift store now,” I said. 
“Everything?” Junjin said. 
“Yes everything,” I said. 
“Ok let’s go guys,” Eric said. Those jerks didn’t even remember. Well at least I’m getting something. They all left except for Hwanhee. 
“I’m also hungry,” I said to Hwanhee. 
He smiled, “I’ll go try to find something for you to eat,” he said and left again. Once again I had peace and quiet. I felt a headache forming right in the middle of my forehead. I began to message my forehead. 
“Excuse me miss these came for you,” a lady came in bringing in an assorted arrangement of flowers. Damn those boys worked fast they’ve been only gone for five minutes. 
“Oh thanks,” I said as she put it on the table next to me. There was a card so I took it and open it. 

I hope you feel better soon.
Minwoo


Minwoo? Oh god I forgot all about him. I didn’t even realize that he wasn’t even here. Why wasn’t he here? I guess I wasn’t important enough. He was the reason I’m here in the first place. He was the one that kept on bothering me and ticked me off. He was part of the reason I was in the rain. I threw the card back into the flowers.
“Jerk”
“Oh miss this also came for you,” the lady came back in. This time she was holding a thermostat and a bowl. Hwanhee must have gotten my food already. 
“Thanks,” I said. The lady set up the bowl of soup for me to eat.
“This also came with it,” the lady said handing me another card. Weird why would Hwanhee give me a card I already have soup. I open it and read it.

This is my special recipe. It’s chicken noodle soup with something special in it. I hope you like it and I hope it makes you feel better. Get well soon.
Minwoo

Ok, I give up. What the hell? He cooked for me. He actually cooked for me. That little jerk actually cooked for me. The big asshole Minwoo cooked for me. The rude, short, ignorant Minwoo actually cooked for me. He never cooked for me before. In the past week since I found out that he cooked he never cooked for me. Why now? Why is it that he’s the only one that actually remembers to get me flowers. Why is it that he’s the on that actually got me some food. Why isn’t he here? I’m still puzzled. 

Chp. 13

“Yes, I’m free, I’m free, I’m free, I’m free, I’m free, I’m free,” I chanted around the room. Finally I’m getting to go home. Three days in this place felt like hell. The doctor finally let me go but he prescribed medicine for me just in case.
“Hahahaha…..Hyesung you’re friend is very happy,” Sidney the nurse, said laughing at me dancing around the room. I was already dressed in my clothes to go home. I was waiting for the doctor to come in for one last check up. 
“Yeah she’s kind of crazy and weird,” Hyesung said to Sidney.
“What? Me weird?” I cocked my head to the side.
“Yes you are,” Hyesung said.
“No, I’m not,” I said looking at Sidney, “Hyesung is the weird one. You should see him at home before every meal he as to say a little prayer but its just not any kind of prayer it’ goes something like this,” I said and put my hands in prayer position and close my eyes, “I…” *clamp* before I could say his little prayer Hyesung put his hand over his mouth.

“Just ignore what she says. I think the medicine is getting to her head,” Hyesung said and let go of my mouth.
“Psh…oh Hyesung is just a little embarrass of his prayer. If I were him I would be too,” I said.
“So when is the doctor coming?” Hyesung said changing the subject and giving me an evil stare.
“Soon,” Sidney said. “I’ll go check,” she said and left.
“Oooooohh I think someone has a crush on nurse Sidney,” I teased.
“What are you talking about?” Hyesung tried to act as if he knew nothing.
“Oh please I see the way you look at her. And everyday when you came to visit me you asked if she came in here like three thousand times,” I explained and Hyesung blushed.
“So what?”
”Do something about it? As her out,” I urged him
“Maybe I will,”
“That’s good then,” I said. Just then the doctor came in followed by five of my favorite guys in the world.
“How are you feeling today?” the doctor asked me.
“I feel great,” I said with a big smile
“That’s good. Now let me see…You have to remember to stay out of the rain, eat healthy, and don’t work too hard,” he said.
“Yes sir,” I said giving him a salute. He laughed along with the others.
“Okay I can see you’re all ready now,” the doctor said.
“Yes I am,”
”Well you take care now,” he said and left.
“You ready to go,” Hwanhee asked me.
“Yes, but let me get these flowers,” I said picking up the flowers Minwoo gave me. They guys also gave me flowers too a lot of flower but the doctor have them taken away because there were too much. What were left of my flowers were just the ones Minwoo got me. Which reminded me that he wasn’t here again. All this time that I was in the hospital he never came to see me at all. Never once and it made me wonder why? I must not be that important enough or he just has better things to do with Hyori.
“How come Minwoo never came?” I asked with out really thinking. It just came out. I notice that all the guys had the same reaction. They seemed to stiffen at what I had asked. They all looked and each other questioning what they should say. They’re hiding something I know it.
“Is someone going to answer my question,” I said.
“…..” no one said anything again. They all had that look on their face. You know the one where you’re contemplating if you should tell or not tell.
“Did you guys all of a sudden gone mute? No one is saying anything?” I said getting a little frustrated.
“You’ll have to asked him yourself,” Eric finally said.
“Why?”
“Because you just have to,” Junjin said.
“That doesn’t explain anything,” I said.
“Jina just drop it,” Hwanhee said.
“Yeah don’t you want to go home?” Andy said.
“Fine let’s go,” I said. I’ll ask him myself.
It was nice to see the outside world again. I didn’t like being locked up in the hospital like that. It was no fun. I bet being in the hospital is like being in a prison except for the fact that you’re sick. On the way home the guys talked about their last performance for their album. They’re finally going to get their break. I think they deserved it. They worked really hard. When I got home Dongwan, being the idiot that he is, decided that he wanted to carry me into the house. So he swept me off my feet and carried me to the door. Junjin opened it and yelled “Honey I’m home,” 
“I don’t know how I survived living with you guys,” I said getting out of Dongwan’s arm. I adjusted my outfit and looked up to see Minwoo running down the stairs.
“Hey you’re back,” he said with a smile. I haven’t seen him in three days and he somewhat changed. I don’t know what it was but he did.
“Yes, I am,” I said.
“Jina where did you want me to put these flowers?” Andy asked carrying my flowers.
“The backyard would be fine,” I said.
“Nice to have you back,” Minwoo said. Did he really mean that? Or is he just saying that? If he really did care then why the heck didn’t he ever visit me in the hospital?
“So how come you never came to visit me,” I said. Everyone seem to quiet down at my question
“Umm…I had my reasons,” he said.
“And what reasons were those,” I said.
“Personal”
“I wanna know,”
“I said they were personal,”
“Why can’t I know?”
“Because they’re personal,” he said in an angry tone.
“They were so personal that you couldn’t even visit me in the hospital,” I yelled back.
“Jina just forget about it,” Dongwan said.
“No I want to know,”
“It’s none of your business,” Minwoo said becoming more angry. We were now face to face staring at each other.
“Humph! I guess I’m not that important then,” I said marching up stairs. Why should I even care if he came or not? Damn him for making me so mad. Who the heck does he think he is? Making me feel this way. Why do I care so much that he didn’t visit me? I shouldn’t even care if he came or not. But I do care. I care a lot. Damn that. I walked towards my room than stop and turned right back around to go down stairs. 
“Andy throw those flowers in the trash instead,” I yelled and left back up stairs. 

*One week later*

“Do you have everything pack?” Hwanhee asked me. 
“Yes,” I said. We’re finally going on a vacation. We’re going to a cabin up in the mountains. I don’t know how it was like because everything around is new to me. Everyone is going including Minwoo and Hyori which I’m not very happy about. Sidney, the nurse from the hospital is also going. Her and Hyesung had been talking for a week now and he invited her. I think she’s okay. I hope this place is going to be fun or else I’m gonna be a grouch like I have been for the last week.
*ding dong*
“I’ll get that,” I said running down stairs to answer the door. I opened it and to my surprised it was someone I haven’t seen in the last two weeks.
“Hi,” Hyekung said.
“What do you want?” I asked.
“Is my man home?” she said. Her man?
“Minwoo?” I questioned.
“Of course Minwoo, who else would it be?” she said giving me an attitude.
“When did he become your boyfriend?” I asked.
“He was always my boyfriend,” she said
“Then how come I haven’t seen you in the last two weeks,” 
“Because I’ve been busy,”
“Oh so what did you want again?” I asked.
“To see Minwoo,” she said. This is going to be interesting because I know Minwoo was in the backyard with Hyori. I wonder what would happen if I invited her in. It seemed that Minwoo hadn’t actually broken up with her. I didn’t even know that they were going out. I thought she was just a toy. Should I let her in or not? You know how in those movies they have an angel appear on one side and a devil on the other well in my life time when it came to making choices the angel never appeared only the devil. I know I’m evil but it’s just revenge on Minwoo. This was going to be good. I’m gonna love seeing the look on his face.
“Come right on in,” I said with a mischievous smile. “I’ll go get Minwoo,” I walked outside to the back yard to get him.
“Minwoo someone is here to see you,” I tell him. He looked at me and said. “Who is it?”
“Oh just someone,” I said smiling. Minwoo and Hyori followed me into the house. 
“Minwoo….honey...I,” Hyekung began to say but stop when she saw Hyori. Hyori on the other hand was giving Hyekung an evil look. Minwoo had a shocked looked on his face. And I….I was laughing inside. Muhahahahaha yeah that’s why you don’t mess with me. 

Chp. 14

Minwoo looked over to me and knew what I was up to. He looked furious. I don’t care. I slowly walked back to the kitchen but the kitchen was a wide open space so I could hear and see what was going on. Hyori had her arms folded and was looking at Hyekung. Hyekung was looking at Minwoo.
“What is going on here?” Hyekung said bitterly to Minwoo.
“Yea, Minwoo what is she doing here?” Hyori said. Wow this is much better than I thought. They’re both mad at him.
“Hyekung….Hyori and I are back together,” Minwoo said.
“And when did this happen,” Hyekung shouted. 
“Two weeks ago,” Minwoo said.
“Two weeks? Two weeks? And you didn’t even bother to tell me,” Hyekung said getting mad. 
“Minwoo I thought you said you told her already,” Hyori said. A-oh….now he’s gonna get it. 
“Hyori…I…was…but….I,” Minwoo hesitated.
“Don’t even try to explain Minwoo. I guess I’m not that important then,” Hyori said running out.
“Minwoo you’re such a jerk. You didn’t even have the guts to tell me, humph “ Hyekung said. *smack* and then she slapped him. Hyekung walked out the same door as Hyori did. I tried to hide my laughter but it just didn’t work.
“Hahahahaha,” I said walking back into the living room.
“Shut up,” Minwoo said angry.
“Tsk…tsk..Minwoo what did you get yourself into this time?” I said smiling. 
“It’s all your fault,” he said.
“Me?! Why are you blaming me?” I said. 
“Because you let her in,” he said.
“What am I suppose to do let her stay out there?”
“You hate her why didn’t you?”
“Well…maybe because I hate you more,”
“Shut up,”
“I will if you will,”
“Ugh…” Minwoo said frustrated and left out the same door Hyori and Hyekung left through. 

The Camp

Unfortunately for me somehow Minwoo and Hyori had made up and she came on with us. My vacation is already ruin for sure. The place we were staying at was just like house and it wasn’t secluded. There were other houses around. They were all rich too. Argh…I know I’m really not going to like this. I’ve been around these kind of people already and I don’t want to be around them on vacation too. We unpacked our stuff into the house. Everyone got their own bedroom. 
“So what should we do?” Andy asked.
“There’s a lake near by lets go there,” Junjin said.
“Oh let’s go water skiing,” Dongwan said rubbing his hands together.
“That sounds like fun,” Hyesung said. 
“But we don’t have a boat,” Eric pointed out.
“Jina you can steal us one right,” Junjin said.
“Yeah I could but I’m not gonna,” I said.
“No stealing! We can rent one,” Hwanhee said.
“You guys can go skiing. I want to cuddle up with my wooie,” Hyori said. Ewww! “Wooie” what kind of nick name is that?
“You guys can ski. I’ll drive the boat,” I said.
“Noooooooo,” Hyesung said.
“What’s wrong?” Sidney said looking at him.
“Jina isn’t the best driver in the world,” Eric said.
“They’re just wimps,” I said to Sidney.
“She’s a crazy driver,” Dongwan added.
“Yeah don’t ever get into a car with her,” Junjin agreed.
“I am not that bad right Andy?” I said.
“She’s fun to ride in a car with,” Andy said.
“Well you guys stop arguing and hurry up,” Hwanhee said.
“Okay,” I said and we left to the lake.


“Wooooooooohooooooooo!” Junjin screamed while skiing. He was having a lot of fun. Eric was driving the boat and the rest of us just sat and watch Junjin have his fun. It wasn’t fair I wanted to drive the boat. Eric slowed down the boat and Junjin got back on.
“Whose turn is it?” Junjin said swimming back to us.
“Its mine turn,” Andy said getting ready to strap on his skies. 
“Okay hurry up. It’s getting late and we have to get back home,” Eric said. Andy did his skiing. He’s such a dork trying to do some stunt and stuff. He felled flat on his face. We all laughed at him. Eric stopped the boat once again and Andy came back onto it.
“Ooooohhh that was so fun…Did you see my flip?” he said.
“Oh do you mean that move that made you fall on your butt,” I said and everyone else laughed.
“Ha ha ha …very funny,” Andy said mad.
“C’mon Jina it’s your turn,” Hwanhee said.
“I’m not going in,” I said.
“Why not?” Junjin said.
“Because I don’t want to go in,”
“C’mon everyone went except for you. It’ll be fun,” Dongwan said.
“I don’t want to go,”
“It’s fun tho,” Andy said.
“So, I don’t want to go,” I said again.
“You didn’t even get wet today,” Hwanhee said.
“Yeah how come you’re not wet at all?” Hyesung said curious.
“I don’t like the water,”
“What do you mean you don’t like water?” Junjin said. Gees, how hard is that to understand.
“I don’t like water,” I repeated it.
“Well, we’re gonna get you wet anyways,” Dongwan said coming towards me.
“Don’t even think about it Dongwan,” I said in a serious voice.
“Get her Junjin,” he said.
“Don’t touch me,” I said with anger. But before I knew it, I was be being grabbed by all four limbs and thrown into the water.
“Noooooooooooooo,” I screamed. I didn’t have a life jacket on. I’m in deep shit. I don’t even know how to freakin swim. I began to sink down into the water and try my best to get some air. But I swallowed some water and began to choke.
“Help,” I tried to say as my head bob up and out of the water. It felt as if my nightmare had come to life. So much water is around me. I felt as if I’m slipping away. But I felt strong arms wrap around me and pull me up and out of the water. I began to choke and spit out water.
“Jina are you okay,” Sidney said.
“Oh God Jina you should of told us you didn’t know how to swim,” Junjin said.
“Shut up!” I shouted. “I told you I didn’t like the water. Why didn’t you guys listen to me for once? Damn it,” I yelled. 
“I’m sorry,” Dongwan said.
“Shut up,” I said and I got up. By then the boat had pulled up to the dock so I jumped off the boat and ran straight home. I didn’t care that I was soaking wet and I didn’t care that people were giving me strange look. All I wanted to do was get out of these clothes. I finally reach the house. I ran up stairs heading towards my room.
“Oww,” someone said as I bumped into them. I turned to see that it was Hyori. I didn’t give a shiet about her. 
“What the hell is wrong with you?” she said.
“You were in my fucken way,” I said almost up to my door. But before I could reach it someone grabbed my arms and spun me around. It was Minwoo.
“Tell her you’re sorry,” Minwoo said.
“Let go of me,” I said in angered.
“Why the hell are you all wet?” he said curious.
“None of your business,” I said getting out of his grip and running into my room. I shut the door and locked it and began to take off my wet clothes. I rumbled through the drawers to find something to wear. While I was changing I could hear Hwanhee, Junjin, Dongwan, Eric, and Andy pounding on the door. 
“Jina are you alright?” Hwanhee said.
“Jina we’re very sorry,” Dongwan said.
“We didn’t mean to hurt you,” Junjin added. They stood at the door for an hour trying to convince me to open the door. But I didn’t, I just sat on my bed curled up and saying nothing at all. That incident really shook me up. For the first time in my life I was scared to death. I have always been scared of the water because of my nightmare. I love the ocean a lot but I never had the guts to swim in it. I never even swam in a pool before. I want to so much but I hold back. I’m just too scared. I’m afraid of it but I want so much to be in it. The guys finally gave up on me. Hwanhee came back once and told me he left dinner by the door. I didn’t bother to open it. I probably fell asleep because when I opened my eyes up again. The moon and stars were out.
I began to tremble again and I needed something to calm me down. I didn’t want to go outside because I know they would see me. I didn’t want to face them at all. So I decide to go out the window. Although my bedroom is on the second floor it was close enough to a tree that I could climb down it. I had jeans and a tank top on so I put on a sweater just in case it gets cold later. I don’t want to be here anymore. I carefully maneuver my self onto the tree. I was use to climbing up and down trees. I’ve done it many times before. Luckily for me the tree was nice enough to leave me no scratches. I was tired and hungry so I leaned on the tree before I went to my destination. 
“I knew you would have done that,” he said. Oh shiet! Why oh why? Did he have to come right now. What the hell does he want?
“Go away please,” I said in a mere whispered.
“Here,” he said handing me a cigarette. How did he know I needed one of those? I grabbed it from him and he lit it up for me. Oh god it felt good.
“You can go away now,” I said. I didn’t really want him here. I don’t want anyone near me right now. I don’t feel so stable. I just want to get away from everything and every one. 
“I’m not leaving you,” he said.
“Don’t make me make you leave,” I threatened.
“What’s wrong Jina?” he said.
“Everything…God damn it,” I said in angered and began to walk away from him. 
“Tell me what’s wrong?” he demanded.
“It’s none of your business,” 
“Why are you so afraid of the water?”
“Why do you even care?”
“Because someone has to care,”
“I’m not asking you to care about me! I’m not asking anyone to care about me!”
“Jina, you almost drown today and it’s really shaking you up. You’re trembling so much you could barely walk right or hold that cigarette right either,” he said. He was right. I was walking a little strange and my hands were still trembling.
“Just go away please Minwoo,” I plead. I stop a couple of feet away from the river.
“Why don’t you tell me?” he said again.
“Why do you care so much? Why don’t you just go back to Hyori and leave me the fucken hell alone? I don’t need you here with me,” I yelled at him. I don’t know what happened but I began to trembled a lot and sank down onto the ground. I hugged myself to try to stop my trembling but it didn’t help much. I didn’t know this could have happened to me. Am I having a break down?
“Jina….” I heard Minwoo whisper my name from behind and soon I find myself wrap in his arms.
“Don’t touch me,” I said pushing him away.
“Damn it, you’re freakin trembling too much,” he said and refused to let me go.
“I said let go,”
“Stop being so stubborn and let me hold you. You feel so cold. Can’t you just listen to me for once?” he said. He held me from behind and I could smell the musky cologne that he was wearing. I didn’t want to fight him anymore so I let him hold me while I look out onto the lake. Why the hell is he even here? Why isn’t he with Hyori? Why did he care so much? Why does it feel so good to be in his arms? Why is my heart trembling more than my body? Why can’t any of these questions be answered? I’m too tired and shaken up I’ll just sit with him for awhile until I stop trembling.

Chp. 15

A hug: To clasp or hold closely, especially in the arms, as in affection; embrace. That’s the definition of a hug. It doesn’t really mean anything right? Then why did that hug he gave me have such a big affect on me? I could still feel it after two weeks. The warmness of his breathe down my back, the beating of his heart, the way the earth just stood still while we looked at the lake, and the feeling I felt when I was in his arms. It shouldn’t mean anything but somehow it does. And I don’t know if he felt the same way too because the next day everything just seem to be normal again. 
“Jina…Jina…” someone said shaking me.
“Huh?” I said opening my eyes and looking around. It was Hwanhee.
“You’re falling asleep. Go to bed,” he said. We were in the living room watching TV. 
“Oh okay,” I said and walked up stairs. I was tired from all the hard work I had to do today. I slowly changed into my pajamas and went to bed. 

Later on that night

I know it’s just a dream but it feels so real. I’m back again in the same river. The water reached up to my neck and it’s pulling me down. My head goes under and I sink and sink. I tried to pull my self back up but it’s not working. All I see around me was darkness and I could hear the humming of a women’s voice. She was humming a lullaby. I could see the sun from down in the river. It was shining so bright I reached my way up there. But something grabbed hold onto my leg. I looked down to see what it was. It was a dark figure with really green eyes. Its eyes were jaded just like mine. I screamed although nothing came out. I tried to pull away but it won’t let go of me. And soon enough it was pulling me deeper and deeper into a black whole and the whole time it’s jaded eyes never left mine.
“Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh” I screamed out loud waking up from my dream. I swear my screamed could have broken a window. My heart was beating a thousand beats a minute and I was sweating. My body was also trembling violently.
“Damn Jina what’s the matter?” Hwanhee said busting into the room. I couldn’t say anything at all. 
“What was that?” Andy said followed by Hyesung, Junjin, Eric, Dongwan, and Minwoo. I curled myself in a ball and started to rock myself. Hwanhee came and wrapped his arms around me.
“Jina say something,” Hwanhee said.
“Jina you looked terrified,” Junjin said.
“Was it another bad dream?” Minwoo asked. I nodded my head and continue to rock myself.
“What was it about?” Dongwan said.
“I…….don’t……wanna…….say……” I tried to spit out of my mouth. 
“You’re shaking too much,” Hwanhee worried. 
“Please tell us, we want to help,” Eric said.
“Yes, Jina. You’re scaring us,” Andy said. 
The rocking had calmed me down a little. I looked around my room at the seven caring guys. They’re such great guys and tolerated me so easily. I never knew they could exist. I have somewhat taken them for granted for all the things they’ve done for me. And now they even want to do more for me. I don’t know where I would be if I didn’t have them. I think I would have killed my self by now. So I told them about my dream, the same one I had ever since I was a kid. They understood and trid to calm me down which helped a lot. After I finished my story they each gave me a kiss on the forehead and tried to reassure me that everything was going to be alright. I hope they’re right because this dream really freaked me out.
“Do you want me to stay in this room with you tonight?” Hwanhee said.
“No, I think I’ll be okay,” I said to him and he left.

I told the guys about my dreams but I didn’t tell them that something bad usually happen after I have a bad dream like that. 

A couple of Days later.

“Aaawwww I can’t find a date for the party,” Junjin whined as we sat in the backyard drinking.
“I can’t either,” Andy said.
“Too bad for you guys. I got my date already,” Hyesung bragged. 
“What is this party about again?” I said curious.
“Just a party for people to mingle around with,” Eric said.
“Mingle?” I questioned. 
“Yeah, we’re gonna be all dressed up in a tux,” Andy nodded.
“Ooooohhhh that’s it,” I said. “Sounds boring,”
“It’s gonna be fun!” Dongwan exclaimed.
“Oh I know you can be my date,” Junjin said. Puhahahahahaha is he serious?
“No I don’t think so,” I rejected him.
“Aaawww come on Jina. I really need a date,” Junjin plead.
“No,” I said again.
“She can’t be your date because she’s gonna be mine,” Andy said.
“And when did I say that?” I cocked an eyebrow at him.
“Yeah when did she say that? Because she’s gonna be my date,” Dongwan added to the fight.
“No she’s mine,” Eric argued back. Why are they fighting over me?
“I’m not going so I’m nobody’s date,” I said to them. 
“But we love you so much Jina,” Andy said putting one of his arms around my shoulder. I looked at his arm and then back to his eyes and I gave him an evil look. He immediately let go.
“Hahahaha Andy!” Hyesung said.
“Jina….please be my date,” Junjin said.
“No be mine,” Eric said.
“No me,” Dongwan added.
“Noooooooooooo me,” Andy said.
“Shut up guys! I’m not going,” I said getting up and about to go inside. 
“Pleeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaasssssssssseeeeeeeeee,” Junjin whined.
“Yeah you can go with all of us,” Dongwan said. They all gave me that sad puppy look. Argh….I hate that. They’re making me weak.
“Fine,” I said giving up.
“Yay!” they all shouted except for Minwoo and Hyesung.

The night of the party


“Damn! You’re looking fione,” Junjin said as I walked down the stairs.
“So do you,” I said to him. Which was true he looked very handsome in a tux. I was wearing a dark purple dress that dragged a little in the back. In the front was just above the knee small little slits formed all the way to the bottom. The front was a v-neck and I wore two inch purple heels. I also had on a matching gold bracelet with dark purple crystals. My hair was straightened and I wore a gold necklace that Hwanhee had given to me. 
“I’ve just died and gone to heaven,” Dongwan said holding his hand to his chest.
“Will you marry me?” Andy joked.
“No I won’t,” I said.
“You’re look dazzling,” Eric said.
“Thank you,” I winked at him. 
“I think the purple would bring out your eyes if you didn’t have those contacts on,” Minwoo said.
“No one is seeing my eyes tonight,” I said.
“Are we ready yet? I need to go pick up Sidney,” Hyesung said. They all looked so handsome in a tux. Hwanhee took us in the van to go pick up Sidney. I didn’t understand why we had to go to such a grande party in a van. Don’t they provide limos? Sidney looked beautiful in her red strapless dress. I think her and Hyesung make a cute couple. I actually can stand her.
“I get the first dance,” Andy claimed as we walked into the room. I’ve seen these kind of social gathering already. I was use to them because my father use to throw them. It was always the rich people trying to show off what they got. People were trying to make business deals in thousands of dollar suits. I was already bored. I wanted to party. I mean really party. I didn’t want to walk around looking pretty and talking about pitiless things. 
“No I wanna dance with her first,” Junjin said grabbing my arms.
“Fine, I’ll settle this. First guy to bring me a alcoholic drink gets to dance with me,” I said. Ha ha that’ got them going except for Junjin who stood there looking at me.
“What?” I asked.
“Let’s dancing,” he said giving me a sly smile.
“Hey that’s not right,” I said.
“Who cares,” Junjin said and pulled me on to the dance floor. We dance to a fast song and when it was over we went back to the table we were sitting at. There sat three guys all with drinks and angried looks. They were all looking at Junjin.
“Hahahahaha it’s not my fault,” I said pointing to Junjin.
“What? She was looking too good,” Junjin defended himself.
“It’s my turn,” Andy said grabbing my hands and taking me to the dance floor. Gees I hope it’s not like this all night. Of course we dance to a slow song. I actually had to get close up to Andy. He smelled good but wasn’t such a great dancer. I mean he could move it on stage but not when he was slow dancing.
“Excuse you,” someone said as we bumped into them.
“Sorry,” Andy said.
“Yeah we’re sorry because Andy is such a……” OH MY GOD. THIS IS NOT HAPPENING. THIS CAN NOT BE. I CAN’T BREATHE. I CAN’T BREATHE. THAT’S NOT HIM . THAT’S NOT HIM. THAT’S NOT BRIAN. 

.

Chp. 16

“Jina, Jina, Jina, are you okay?” Andy said shaking me a little.
“I can’t believe it,” I whispered still staring at Brian. He had a nice snug smile on his face. He hasn’t change since I’ve seen him three months ago. He still had that spiky hair and those almond Asian eyes.
“Oh why do you look surprised? I told you he was coming here,” a familiar voice said. WHOA! O HELL NO! FUCK NO! This is can’t be happening. This is all a dream. A really really bad dream. Someone tell me it’s a dream.
“Jina who are these people?” Andy said.
“My sister and my ex-boyfriend,” I said. Andy looked surprised.
“What the fuck is going on here?” I practically yelled. Everyone around us stopped dancing and looked our way. My sister was dancing in the arms of my ex-boyfriend and they were both here in the Korea. They’re not suppose to be here. They’re suppose to be an WHOLE ocean away. 
“Didn’t you get my message?” Susan said.
“Message? What message?” I asked angry. Then I remember back a month or so ago that message that I deleted.
“I’m here to follow my dreams,” Brian said.
“Your dream? What dream? The on of being an asshole. Will that dream already came true,” I shouted at him. I didn’t care if everyone was whispering about me.
“Sheesh…always bitchy as ever,” Susan said.
“And you’re always the brat…aren’t you?” I retorted back at her.
“Humph…a brat that is getting married,” she said.
“Getting married?” I rolled my eyes at her. “So who’s the unfortunate guy? I pity him?”
“I am,” Brian proudly stated. I don’t know if I can be anymore angrier than I am right now. I could feel the blood boiling inside of me and something not so nice growing inside of me. I feel like doing some major ass kicking right now. 
“When the HELL did all this happen?” I said with malice in my voice.
“Before you left,” Brian said. I can’t believe I’m hearing this. What the fuck?
“Oh really,” I said giving them a disgusted look.
“Yeah,” Susan said showing me the ring.
“Why you little bitch!” I said as I lunged towards her. I didn’t care if hundreds of people were looking at us. I’m gonna get that bitch for what she did. I was about to hit her but Brian stopped me.
“Don’t even do Jina,” he said.
“Fuck you Brian. I’m not your bitch anymore,” I said and punched him in the chin. Damn I missed his eye.
“Damn you bitch!” Brian winced at the pain I caused him.
“Get over it Jina. He’s with me now,” Susan said running up to Brian.
“Get over what? Huh? The fact that my sister is now engaged to my ex-boyfriend? Huh? I won’t get over it until I kick your ass,” I said furiously going after both of them. But some one’s hand held me back.
“Jina let’s not deal with this right now,” Andy said holding me back. I now realized that all the Shinhwa guys were behind me and the fact that the everyone else was looking too.
“Let go,” I said.
“But...”
“I won’t do anything,” I said. And Andy let go of me.
“I hate you. I hate you guys so much. Fuck off and go to hell!” I hissed at them and took off running out of the party and into the streets. I’m not going to stay in the same room with them. I don’t even want to been the same city. Damn it. Fuck Brian. Fuck Susan. Fuck them all. Fuck this world. It so fucken cruel to me. The cold night air hit my skin and made me feel colder. People started to look at me weirdly as I began to walk down the street. I was only in my purple dress and heels. 
I began to feel the tears that were hurting so bad to fall out. They were irritating my eyes and contacts too. I didn’t give a shit no more I took my contacts off and threw them on the streets and let my tears fall.
“Jina,” I heard someone yelled from behind. I didn’t care who it was. I wanted to be by myself. I quickly waved down a taxi and got in.
“Where to?” the taxi driver said looking at me in the rear view mirror. I looked up and made eye contact with him. His eyes widen probably because he saw my jaded eyes.
“Just drive,” I snapped at him. He gave me an angry look and drove. I directed him to the house. I threw him some money and head towards the house. By then my tears had dried up I didn’t want to cry because of him anymore. I didn’t feel like being here. I didn’t feel like facing Hwanhee either. I need a ride. A nice ride on a bike would be perfect right now. I open the door to the house and tip toed up stairs to Minwoo’s room making sure Hwanhee didn’t hear me.
Now where would he put his keys? I looked in his closet but nothing was there. I checked in his underwear drawer full of Tommy Hilfiger’s boxer but it wasn’t there either. Damn Minwoo where would you hide them? I checked under his bed where I spotted a shoe box. I open it and BINGO there it was the key to his black Suzuki Hayabusa. This thing is like a baby to him. I would treat it the same too if I had one. I made my way back down stairs and to the garage. Thank goodness Hwanhee didn’t seem to hear me or else he would have stopped me. I opened the garage and there stood Minwoo’s black Suzuki with my name written all over it waiting for me. I hopped on the bike wearing my purple dress, and heels and all and sped out of there.
I didn’t even bother to put on a helmet. Who need a freakin helmet? Not me, I want the wind blowing through my hair. I want it to blow away the anger, hurt and jealousy inside of me. I want it to blow me away from all this pain, and from this world. I sped through the streets of at seventy miles per hour weaving between cars when I finally stopped at a red light. I wasn’t familiar with this city yet. I only knew a couple of streets. At the red light I notice that people were staring at me. Shit! Like they never seen a girl in a formal dress and high heels riding a motorcycle before? Well maybe they haven’t but I don’t care. I sat there at the light waiting for it to turn green. I loved Minwoo’s baby it rides so smoothly.
I heard loud noises of motorcycles behind me. And turned around to see who it was. Luckily for me it wasn’t the cops. But of gang of motorcycles. There were about six of them. Just my luck. Maybe I can have a little fun with the boys tonight. Maybe I can kick their ass since I feel like kicking someone’s ass. I waited for them to pull up next to me. I know they were curious. It’s not ever day you see a drill in address riding a bike. One of the guys topped on my left and another on my right and the rest behind me. 
“Well, well, well, look at what we got here,” the guy on my right said. He was wearing a red bandana on his forehead, blue jeans, and a black leather jacket. He looked like a punk ass.
“Damn nothing is more sexier than a fine woman in a dress on a bike,” the guy on the left said. He too was wearing a red bandana but on his arms where you can clearly see the define biceps that he has. With his index finger he strokes my arm up and down. I wasn’t looking his way because I was staring ahead at the light but when he touched me like that I couldn’t resist but turn my head to him and gave him my evil look.
“Don’t touch me again,” I hissed at him. He looked shocked when I looked his ways. It must have been my eyes. 
“That’s a nice bike you got there. Care to race?” they guy taunted. So this guy wants to race me? I’ll give him what he wants.
“Why not? I feel like kicking someone’s ass tonight,” I said.
”Humph somebody’s cocky,” the guy said.
“Cocky?” I raised an eyebrow at him. “No, just confident. Where are we racing to?”
“Well this road right here leads to a dead end. A brick wall dead end that is,” he said.
“Fine with me,” I said maybe I’m getting a little too cocky. I shouldn’t even be out here with this bike. I know Minwoo is going to kill me. Well if this race doesn’t kill me I know Minwoo will. Either way I’m bound to die tonight so I’m going for it. 
“When the light turns…” he said but I didn’t hear him because I was already gone. There is something so heart pounding about racing. Your whole body is ready to put itself on the line. Your mind and body is only focus on winning. And the need for speed drives you to win.
I could hear the guy right behind me. His gang also followed him. It was so dark so I really had no idea when this road ends at all. How was I suppose to know? Stupid me. I was going pretty fast and if the cops saw me I would be in big trouble. I kept going and soon the guy was right next to me. I look around and notice that the road was going to end but it was too late I was already going to fast. OH FUCK!

*screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech*

I blinked a couple of times wondering where the hell I was. Damn why do I have such a pounding headache. I looked around and there was Minwoo’s bike and then I realized what I had done. It didn’t look so great anymore. It was all jacked up. I know he’s gonna kill me. I might as well start saying my good byes right now.
“Hahahahaha….such a pretty bike is ruin now,” I heard laughter above me. I looked up to see the guy. He was grinning at me.
“Oooww,” I said as I tried to push myself up with my hands but I think I dislocated two of my fingers on my left hand. Aww this is gonna suck big time. The guy bent down and took my chin under his hand.
“Oh look at what you’ve done. You ruin such a pretty face,” he said as he touch my forehead and showed me blood. Shit! At least I didn’t lose a leg or two. I didn’t think I look so great right now. My dress had a long slit on the side that ran up to my mid thigh exposing it. Now this dress is totally ruin. I had a few scratches on my leg and arms and one of my heels were broken. Tonight was definitely not my night.
“Hm….what should we do with her? the punk ass said.
”Leave her, we were just having some fun. We got some other business to take care of,” he said and they left. Freakin jerks! Who in the hell is going to help me now? I get myself up with the good hand. Oh there’s so much pain all over. Everything seems to ache. I walked my way back to the main street. I squinted as the bright street light hit my eyes.
I staggered around the street. Where is the hospital? I think I kneed to go to the hospital. I don’t really like how my fingers are looking. It’s all swollen and looks as if it’s going to fall off. I tried to wave down a taxi but no one stops. I guess I’m must look like a ghost or something. I began to walk up the street. I had no idea where I was going. Everything still hurts so much and I’m lost in this big city. Gosh he always made me do the most stupidest things. It was always him drove me crazy. Damn him and damn my fucken sister.
“Miss…miss..miss…did you need help?” I looked up to see a girl probably in her twenty’s looking at me. She had long black hair, big brown eyes, and white skin.
“Yes please,” I said. I could barely say anything. ”Take me to the hospital,” I said.
“Definitely, you don’t look so great. And your fingers are swollen. And that gash 
on your forehead is gonna need some stitches. My name is Emily, what’s yours?” she said.
“Jina,”
“So what exactly did happen? I saw some motorcycle speeding earlier was that you? And if so what are you going to do about your bike?” she continued to talk.
“I have no idea,” I mumbled. The drive to the hospital didn’t take that long. I went to the emergency room. I had to wait awhile before I was admitted because my injuries weren’t life threatening. Meanwhile Emily kept me company. She talked a million miles per hour. Finally the doctor came and looked at me. I had a feeling I was bruised up. I got a couple of stitches on my face, which hurt like a bitch. My middle finger and ring finger on my left hand were put into a cast. The doctor gave me some aspirins to ease my pain. I was there at the hospital for about four hours. Emily stuck by me the whole time. I don’t know why she did. Maybe she was just a nice person. Finally someone nice in this city
I don’t know how to explain this to Hwanhee and the guys. I know I’m in for long lectures. I didn’t know what I was thinking when I took Minwoo’s bike. I guess I just really needed to get him out of my system. I just felt this overwhelming anger and need to release it so I did something I shouldn’t have done.
“Jina do you want me to call anyone for you,” Emily asked me.
“No thanks. I have no one to call,” I lied. I don’t want to face them at all here in the hospital. But then again maybe it would be best if I do so. So I wouldn’t get into that much trouble.
“Well on second thought..” I began to say.
“Jina!” Someone practically screamed. Both Emily and I turn to see Hwanhee, Hyesung, Junjin, Dongwan, Eric, and Andy running my way. They were still dress in the tux except for Hwanhee who didn’t go to the party.
“Hi…hi…hi… guys,” I stuttered.
“Gosh you scared the hell out of me,” Hwanhee said embracing me in a hug. I wincedat it because of my bruises.
“Damn Jina, I was scared after you left the party like that,” Andy said.
“Jina what happened?” Junjin said touching my bandage on the forehead.
“It got into an accident,” I said.
“How?” Dongwan questioned.
”um…” I didn’t want to tell them. “I was racing,”
“OH my God, don’t tell me you didn’t” Eric said.
“I….well…I,” I stuttered again.
“Oh I hate to be you right now,” Hyesung said.
“He doesn’t’ have to know,” I said hoping everything would be alright.
“He knows already. We thought someone stole it. I swore he almost cried,” Andy exaggerated. I’m dead. I’m really dead.
“So how many bruises do you have? And what were you thinking pulling such a stunt? Why are you doing such a crazy thing? And who the hell is this Brian guy everyone is talking about?” Hwanhee pounded me with questions.
“He’s my ex-boyfriend and he’s engaged to my..” I was about to say sister but the shout of my name overpowered it. All of our heads turn to see Minwoo, still dress in his tux, standing by the door way. He looked angry, very angry. If I had the strength and wasn’t in a dress I would run but I couldn’t. The guys seem really shock and surprised that he was here. I was too. I really really didn’t want to see him ever again. Especially now after what I did to his bike.
“Minwoo don’t hurt her,” Hwanhee said as he approached me.
“Move aside Hwanhee,” Minwoo bit at him.
“Hwanhee….” I said. I was scared. I was actually scared of him. Hwanhee moved aside. 
“You’re on you own Jina,” he said. What a cousin huh? 
“Come with me,” he said.
“NO”
“Come with me now!” he said in a louder voice.
“I don’t want too,”
“Come now or I’ll drag you out,”
“But I..” I didn’t finish my sentence because he had already dragged me by the arm and out of the hospital. Damn his grip hurts like a bitch and is probably going to add another bruise to my other 100s. Minwoo opened the passenger door of Hyesung’s BMW and shoved me in.
“Don’t even think about it,” Minwoo said as he got to the other side. He started the engine and race out of the hospital parking lot. 



Chp. 17

We’ve been driving for an hour now and I still have no idea where we are going. I’m too scared to asked him. But by the way he was driving I had a feeling he was angry. I’m so stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. How can I be so dumb? Nothing good ever happens especially when it comes to my feeling with Brian. I was jealous when I heard Susan said she was engaged to him. I mean who wouldn’t be. I had a right to be damn it. And look where that jealousy lead me too. It made me mad crazy. I shouldn’t let him affect me anymore but he does in a lot of ways. Minwoo finally stopped the car and I looked around to see where we were. It was dark so I couldn’t tell where we were but I notice there were no car around or nobody at all.
“Come here,” Minwoo shouted as he opened my door. I didn’t move at all.
“Ow,” I said as he pulled my by my right arm and dragged me out. He dragged me until I was at the edge. The edge of a bridge and under that bridge was a very small stream. I would guess the bridge was about three hundred feet off the ground it only had a three feet tall rail that would block things from falling over. I look down to the stream and I started to shiver. 
“Here’s your chance. Go! Jump off you know you want to do it!” he shouted. 
What the fuck? He dragged me out here just so I could kill myself? I guess nobody cares. No one ever did care about me at all. That’s why I did all those crazy things. So someone could care about me. But it never worked except for Brian. When we first meet I did a little stunt with my bike and hurt myself. He was the only one that cared about me and took me to the hospital and that’s when I feel in love with him. And the whole time I was with him I did crazy tings just to impress him, just to make him care, And look where in the hell it
took me. To my soon to be death. Yes I’ll admit it. I race against that guy because of Brian. I don’t know what it is about me and him. He just makes me do crazy things. And seeing him with Susan drove me to the edge literally. Ha! Ha! Life is funny. Isn’t it?
Minwoo was right. Why is he always right about me? I wanted to kill myself. I wanted to put myself out of my misery. I wanted to disappear off the face of the earth. I don’t think anyone would care. I’ll just be doing everyone including myself a big favor. I’m not need here. I’m not wanted here. I wanted to be with my mom in heaven. Maybe even I won’t even get that wish because I’ll probably go straight to hell. But I don’t care. I don’t think I can live anymore. There’s nothing her for me. No family, no home, no friends, and no love. Everything is gone but they were probably never there in the first place. 
Without even looking back at Minwoo I held on to the pole by the bridge rail and climb onto the rail. I was bare footed so no heels stopped me. It was cold, very cold. As I stood up I could easily see the moon light reflect off the stream. I close my eyes and tried to listen to the last things I would ever hear; the slow smoothness of the stream below, the wind singing a song, the loud beating of my heart, and the breathing of Minwoo. Well Brian, Susan, my step-mom, and my father got what they wanted. I’m gonna be gone and out of their lives for good. Five….four….three….deep breath….two……
“Owww…damn it. What did you do that for?” I shouted as Minwoo grabbed me.
“What the hell are you thinking?”
“Ha! I’m just doing what the hell you wanted me to do. Why the fuck did you stop me? You wanted me to die as much as the next person,” I shoved him away and ran back to the rail to finish my business.
“I was only angry at you. Damn it I don’t want you to die,” he said holding on to me. 
“Why don’t you just let me die? That way everyone would be happy,”
“Damn Jina, it’s not worth it,” he said holding me into a tight hug.
“What the hell do you know?” I looked at him and the tears began to sing my eyes. Why the hell is he here? I don’t want him to see me cry.
“I know a lot of things,” he said in softer tone.
“You don’t know anything,” I said as I sank down onto the ground and began to cry. This dress was totally ruin now. I covered my face with my hands and began to sob even more. Gosh I’m so pathetic. What the fuck was I thinking?“Shhh…come here,” he said as he pulled me up and into his arms. And once again I feel so safe. It felt so right. And above all it feels so good. I wrapped my arms around his waist and buried my head into his chest. I don’t know how long I cried but I knew I totally ruined his shirt and that my eyes are going to be puffy tomorrow. I was about to pull out of his embrace when he pulled me closer to him if that was possible. 
“I’m sorry,” he whispered into my ear. Why is he sorry? Shouldn’t I be the one apologizing?
“I’m sorry for not being there at the hospital the other week. I couldn’t go,” He said. Why is he bringing that up? As if he read my mind he continued.
“I once had a death wish too. When Hyori left me for someone else, I was furious and in a rage. How could someone I love so much and someone who I know loved me very much just drop me like that? I thought to myself. I loved her and she left. My temper wasn’t all that great so one night I got ruthlessly drunk at a party. Hyori and her new boyfriend Bi happened to also be there but they got there after I was already drunk. So being the jealous ex-boyfriend that I was I confronted them and got into a fight with Bi. I know I would be in trouble because being a public figure I wasn’t suppose to get in trouble but I didn’t care. Bi was stronger then me and did a bad number on my face. After the right I left the party still drunk and got onto my bike. I did the most stupid thing ever. I drove around the city drunk as hell. I was driving and before I knew it there was a big van coming my way and I crashed into it. I stayed in the hospital for almost two months and a couple times I almost didn’t survive. That’s why I didn’t show up the other week because I’m scared of the hospital. It brings back a lot of memories,” 
I was shocked at what he said. I couldn’t believe it. I knew exactly how he felt. I guess Minwoo and I have more things in common than the love of motorcycles. But his story made me wonder why the hell he was back with Hyori if she caused him so much pain. I think I kind of understand why he was with her. Because if Brian asked me six months ago if I’ll go back to him. I would have done it.
“I’m sorry too,” I said looking deep into his eyes
“Don’t worry, you’ll just have to wash my underwear for the next fifty years to pay for the bike,” Minwoo joked and we both laughed to soften up the mood. This was such a crazy night. I went from a green-eye-monster, to suicidal bitch, to having a major breakdown, to laughing at a joke with someone I thought I hated. I think Minwoo and I have an understanding now. I think he’s probably the only person in this world who understands me. I’m glad someone does.
“Can we go home now?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said and we walk slowly to the car. I didn’t feel the ache in my body anymore. The drive home was quiet and nothing was said between us. We got home just before the break of dawn. It’s been a very very long night. No one was up as we enter the house. At the top of the stairs we bid each other good night and went our separate way. My bed looked so inviting and I was ready to jump into it. When I realized that I still had my dress on. Now how in the heck am I suppose to take this off? I had one hand with two broken fingers and I don’t think I can reach around to pull down my zipper. I don’t know what to do. Actually I do know what to do. I just don’t know if I should ask him for help. I need to though because I don’t want to ruin that dress anymore. I walked over to Minwoo’s bedroom and open the door slightly, it made a noise and he looked up. To my surprised Minwoo was topless and had only on his slacks.
“Minwoo I need your help,” I said trying to look down away from his face.
“What is it?” he said worried.
“Can you help me get out of my dress and into my PJs?” I said. I hope I didn’t sound too helpless. 
“Yeah sure,” Minwoo answered after a couple of seconds of thinking. We made our way back to my room. I grabbed my PJs from the drawers and placed it on the bed and then turn my back to Minwoo.
“Can you please unzipped me?” I said. I hope I didn’t sound too slutty.
“Yeah,” he said. I feel his hands at the base of my neck and he slowly pull down the zipper. So I reached up and was about to slide one side of the dress off when I felt his hands on my shoulders. He slowly took off the left side of my dress then the right side and my dress fell to a puddle at my feet. So here I stood in my bra and underwear in front of Minwoo. I couldn’t believe this was happening. I asked for this didn’t I?
Minwoo came around and grabbed the top of my PJs which was a long sleeve button down blue shirt . I didn’t want to look at Minwoo as he began to button my shirt. So I looked at a point beyond his shoulder. I could feel his eyes looking over my body and I think he stared the longest at my tattoo. When he was down with the last button, which was near my tattoo, I felt Minwoo trace the outline of the three dolphins that circled my belly button.
“Hmmm…Minwoo,” I questioned. This was just getting too weird for me. What the heck is he doing? And why the hell was I feeling like this?
“Sorry,” he said as he grabbed the bottom of my PJs.
“I can do that,” I said about to grab them from him.
“It’ll be my pleasure,” he said. Okay this is the part where my eyes pop out of my socket and my jaw drops down to the next floor, and I have about a trillion emotions running through my mind. I obey Minwoo as he told me to lift each leg and he pulled my pants up. Minwoo and I just stood there looking at each other. This is just getting way too weird for me.
“Thanks,” I finally said.
“You’re welcome,” Minwoo said and left. Okay let me rephrased what I said earlier. This was a crazy day, I went from a green-eye-monster, to a suicidal bitch, to having a mental breakdown, to laughing at a joke with a guy I thought I hated, and to having all these weird feelings go through me. 






Chp. 18

Things changed a lot since the night of the accident. Hwanhee has become even more overprotected of me than before. It’s as if he has to know every single step I take. And he has to know here I am all the time. It’s getting annoying but I don’t blame him. He’s just afraid I’ll do something crazy again. All the other guys are not as bad as Hwanhee.
Andy thinks I’m some depress ex-girlfriend that needs some cheering up so he tries his best to make me laugh. Andy’s the biggest dork I know and will probably ever know and that’s enough to make me laugh. He does the corniest things to get a laughter out of me.
Junjin on the other hand believes that I need a new man in my life. So he tells me I’m beautiful and great and all that stuff. The also suggested that I should forget about Brian and date him. But I know he was just kidding because he has been talking to Emily, the girl that drove me to the hospital, so there’s nothing between me and Junjin.
Dongwan thinks exercise is the cure for everything. He’s pushes me to work out with him even with my broken fingers. He says exercise makes you happy and that it gives you energy. From the way he has been acting lately it must be true because he’s a very happy guy. He believes that if I exercise more I would do less crazy things. I have no idea how he got that idea.
Hyesung’s seems to care a lot about my physical being either that or he just wants to show off what he had been learning from Sidney, the nurse. Out of the blue he’ll suggest all these medical stuff that I don’t understand at all. He’s the opposite of Dongwan. He suggests that I should rest and do less work around the house. I think he thinks he’s a doctor now.
As for Eric, he gave me some advice. He told me to laid back and enjoy life. He told me I shouldn’t care so much about the past or worry about the future just live in the present. Only if it was that easy.
And Minwoo….What can I say? He’s a great cook. He has been helping me a lot around the kitchen lately because of my fingers. We never told the other guys what happened between us that night. I don’t know about Minwoo but I feel something between us has changed ever since that night. I don’t know what it is. I tried to come up with an idea of what was between us but I can’t figure it out. I just don’t know. You figure it out because I don’t think I ever will. But I know it’s there and that’s its strong. Is it some kind of bond? I think the most changed has been between me and him. Sometimes when we stand in a room there’s this awkwardness between us. When we cook dinner it’s like our moves are synchronized. We know exactly what to do at the exact moment. It kind of scares me because I’m getting so well along with him. 
I think he’s screwing up my mind too because I’m still puzzled about that night. I still want to know why he traced my tattoo that night. Why did he looked happy to dress me? Or why he was smiling when he left the room? Or why he made me feel so different? Or why I felt so different? It’s so frustrating it really is because I feel like running to him and shaking the answers out of him. But I don’t know what’s stopping me.
I haven’t seen Brian or Susan since that night. I still have no idea why they’re here. And If you asked me if I care if they’re engaged? I wouldn’t know how to answer that questing. I mean of course I care that they are engaged and I’m very curious what happened to Cindy, the girl Brian cheated on me with. But on the other hand they can go straight to hell for all I care. I shouldn’t even let them bother me anymore but as much as I hate to admit it I really want to know everything. 
“So what are you thinking about?” I snapped back to reality to see Minwoo standing in front of me with an apron on. The apron makes him look shorter.
“Lots of things,” I said going back to stirring my vanilla cream I was going to put on the cake I made for dessert.
“The cake is read for the cream. Did you want me to spread the cream?” Minwoo asked.
“Let’s both do it,” I said. I wanted to spread the cream I made too. 
Minwoo brought the eight inch round yellow cake from the counter and put it on the table. He then grabbed two butter knives and gave one to me. We sat at the table next to each other and I feel it again. I don’t think there’s tension between us. I don’t know what it is about being so close to him like this. I tried my best to ignore what was between us and start to spread the cream on the cake. With me and Minwoo both working on the cake took less time to make. 
“Do you want orange sprinkles or blue ones?” Minwoo asked opening the cupboard.
“Orange because it’s October and Halloween is coming soon,” I said.
“It’s only October 2, 2002,” Minwoo said.
“It’s still October,” I said and we began t sprinkle the sprinkles on the cake.
“Ooohh it’s so pretty,” I said. I’m very proud of my cake.
“Hey there’s more cream left. Do you want some?’ Minwoo said. He had cream on his index finer and it was pointing at me. Did he want me to lick that off his finger? 
“Of course I made it,” I said about to deep my finger into the bowl.
“Wait!” Minwoo said.
“What?” I said puzzled.
“Hahahaha…you look cute with that face,” he said.
“Erm….ok,” I said proceeding to get myself a taste of the cream.
“Here,” He said as he attempt to stick his finer in my mouth. The cream got on my chin.
“Aaaahhh what are you doing?” I screamed.
“Want me to lick it off?” he joked. I think he’s joking. 
“Eww, you can be so much like Junjin sometimes,” I said.
“I am nothing like him,” Minwoo defended.
“Oh yeah I forgot you’re too short,” I began to laugh.
“At least I’m taller than you,”
“By half an inch,” I said laughing again.
“Have some of this,” he said and shoved an apple into my mouth before I could stop him. Okay I told myself I wasn’t gonna get mad at him because he was really helpful the other night. And does anything good ever come when I listen to myself? No. So he’s going to get it.
I spit the apple out of my mouth and said, “You’re dead,” I ran to the kitchen sink and grab the rinsing hose and was about to spray it on Minwoo when he grabbed it from me. We were now both holding onto the hose.
“Let go,” he said.
“No you let go,” I said back to him. And we began to struggle over the hose. I think we probably look very ridiculous.
“Oww oww,” I pretended that he hurt my fingers.
“Oh I’m so sorry Jina,” Minwoo said worried. Ha! He would fall for it. He let go of the hose and began to look at my fingers. I let him look at my fingers while I held the hose in my right hand, the good hand. 
“Where does it hurt?” Minwoo said.
“Oh right here!” I shouted as I sprayed him in the head with water.
“JINA!” he shouted as he took his eyes away from my finger and looked at me.
“My hand just kind of slipped,” I said giving him an innocent look.
“Oh really I’ll show you,” He said about to grab me but I put up the hose threatening him. He didn’t even step an inch closer.
“Stay away,” I warned him.
“Put down the hose or else your perfect cake is ruin,” he said holding up the butter knife.
“*gasp* Don’t you dare touch my cake,” I said in a playful way.
“Fine on the count of three, we’ll let go of the items,” Minwoo said.
“Deal,”
“One….two…..three…”
“Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh” I sprayed the water but it never hit Minwoo because he ducked. Instead it got on to Hyori who had just came rushing in. 
“Oh…I…I’m…..sorry,” I said. Okay I wasn’t really sorry because she really gets on my nerves. And that have been happening a lot lately. I just don’t like her with Minwoo. I don’t think she deserves him after what she did to him. So she’s not my favorite person in the world right now. Oh but I love the look on her face when I sprayed water onto her. It was worth it.
“Hyori!” Minwoo said surprised.
“At least my cake wasn’t ruined,” I said with a big smile.
“What are you guys doing? And look what you guys did,” she said angry.
“He was threatening my cake,” I defended myself. 
“You just ruin my new shirt. Do you know how much this cost me?” she said in between her gasp of air. She must be very furious.
“Um..no why don’t you tell me?” I said.
“Arrrgghhhh how can you act so casually like nothing happened?” She said. Oh she look like she’s about to burst.
“It’s just a shirt. No big deal,” I shrugged off.
“How can you say it’s just a shirt? It’s an expensive shirt one you probably couldn’t afford,” she was becoming hysterical.
“Whoa you sound piss?” I said. I really didn’t care.
“Ugh…” she said charging towards me. And when she did comes towards me she knocked down my cake. MY CAKE! Nobody and I mean NOBODY messes with my cake.
“Oh hell no!” I said and sprayed more water at her. She started to scream and hide behind Minwoo.
“JINA STOP IT JINAAAAAAAAAAAA!” he shouted. Hey this is kind of fun.
“What the hell is going on?” Hwanhee said running into the room followed by the rest of the guys.
“She ruined my cake,” I said.
“Ugh…you ruined my shirt,” Hyori said.
“It was an accident,” I said giving Hwanhee and everyone else an innocent look.
“Awww it was a vanilla cake too,” Andy pouted.
“What vanilla? Why did you go ruin the cake Hyori?” Junjin said but he was just teasing. Everyone else began to laugh even Minwoo. Hyori became even angrier and slap Minwoo on the arm.
“Don’t be laughing it’s not funny,” she cried.
“I’m sorry but it is,” Minwoo shrugged his shoulders at her.
“So you’re taking that bitch’s side,” Hyori said. Okay now she’s really going to get hurt. I went rushing towards Hyori but Minwoo was there to block her. She’s lucky I have one disabled hand.
“Jina you promised,” Hwanhee said. 
“Promises can be broken,” I said.
“JINA!” Hwanhee said in a louder voice.
“Fine you eat the cake off the ground then,” I said angry and left. To tell you quite truthfully I’m not really upset about the cake. I’m more upset that she called me a bitch. I don’t want her to call me a bitch, especially her. Oh but it was so fun getting her wet. I hope she never wear that shirt again for the rest of her life. Hahahaha I know I’m being immature but Minwoo being with her has been bugging me lately. I just don’t like him with her. She doesn’t deserve him. He deserves something better. I don’t want him to be with her. I want him to be happy with somebody else. I want him to fall in love with somebody else. I want him…………







Chp. 19

The sun was shinning so brightly today in the middle of October too. I turned to my right to check what time it was. It was already twelve o’clock in the afternoon. I slept in really late today. The house seem awfully quiet for a Saturday, usually the guys are around doing nothing much. I got up from my bed, brushed my hair, put on some decent clothes and walked down stairs. I wonder why no one woke me up to cook breakfast or even lunch for them. When I reached the bottom of the stairs I only see one head sitting down on the couch and watching TV.
“Hey where’s everyone?” I shouted.
“They left,” Minwoo said not even pulling his eyes from the TV.
“Where to?”
“I don’t know they just did. I think they wanted to do some shopping or something like that,” he shrugged off.
“So I’m left here in this house all by myself with you,” 
“Yeah, what’s wrong with that?” Minwoo said turning around and looking at me.
“Well not only am I stuck in a boring city but I’m also stuck with one of the most boring person I met,” I joked.
“I’m not boring,” Minwoo defended.
“Yes, you are. Now I know I’m going to die of boredom today. So could you just save me the time and kill me right now?”
“I’ll be happy to,” he said with a smile on his face as he walked around to me.
“I was just kidding. Don’t make me hurt you. I got my cast off now so my hand is stronger,” I threatened him. But he just displays a snug smile on his face.
“Hey how come you’re not wearing your contacts today?” he changed the subject. Now why did he do that all of a sudden?
“I used them all up and I need to order some more. Why do you care?”
“Just wondering,” he said as he began to walk closer to me. He stopped about five inches away from me. The top of his toes touched mine and I get this strange feeling running through my body. We were at eye level because he was only half an inch taller than me. Being this close to him just makes me want to jump on him like some crazy mad woman? No, that can’t be right. I lied I don’t want him. I don’t want him. I don’t want him. I don’t want him. I don’t want him. I don’t want him. So how many times do you think I have to say this in order to convince myself that I don’t want him? I cocked my head to the side and raised an eyebrow at him. 
“Why aren’t you out? Don’t you have a girlfriend to spend time with?” I asked him.
“No, Hyori left to the Caribbean to shoot some pictures,” he answered. 
“Lucky girl she gets to be thousands of miles away from you,” I said with a smile.
“You should be the lucky girl because you’re here with me,” Minwoo stepped even closer to me.
“Here’s the deal,” I said stepping away from him. “You stay away from me and I won’t have to hurt you,” I gave him a smile. I’ve never been in the house alone with him before so it felt weird.
“Only if you make me a sandwich,” he said crossing his arms.
“Arghh……” 
“Hey you’re paid to cook for me so do so,”
“Fine it’s a deal then,” I said marching to the kitchen. What are jerk pushing me around like that. Now I don’t really want him. I made Minwoo his sandwich and after that he demanded a drink too so I gave it to him. 
I made my way to the backyard. I needed to rake the leaves that were blanketing the backyard. Fall is really here now. I can’t believe I only have a couple of more months before I leave this place. It seems as if I’ve been here for so long. And like the fallen leaves I think I have changed my colors too. I don’t feel so angry at the world anymore. Well maybe just a little at Brian and Susan. But I think I’ve calm down a little. They say that the reason why leaves change there color is because there is less light around and they began to shut down and the green starts to fade away. I think the green eye monster in me has begun to fade away. I’ve realize that I shouldn’t be hanging on to things anymore. The true colors in me had finally appeared, the ones that have been hidden all this time. 
“Wheeeeeeeeeeeew!”
“What the….” I stopped raking the leaves and turn around just in time to see Minwoo jump into the pile of leaves I just finish raking.
“Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh you jerk! What did you do that for?!” I shouted at him.
“I always wanted to do that,” he said smiling like a little kid. 
“Look what you did. Now I’m gonna have to clean it all up,” I said getting even angrier. 
“I’ll help you,” He said and began to kick leaves at me.
“That’s not helping,” I said blocking the leaves. 
“C’mon Jina have a little fun,” he said still throwing leaves at me. 
“Oh now I’m gonna have to hurt you,” I said as I began to throw leaves at him. We began to fool around with the leaves. Of course throwing leaves at each other didn’t help that much in my quest to hurt him. 
“Eww….you got some leaves in my mouth,” I said spitting a piece of leaf out. 
“Well here’s some more,” Minwoo said rushing towards me and tackling me down. 
“What the ….” I began to say but Minwoo and shoved some leaves into my face. He was now on top laughing his head off at me. How dare he? Being an expert at many things I maneuver myself so I got Minwoo off of me and got him onto his back.
“Didn’t I tell you to stay away from me?” I said as I stood up looking down at Minwoo.
“I don’t ever listen to you,” Minwoo said getting to his feet. We both glared at each other. And the challenges were both read in our eyes. We once again dive into the pile of leaves and began throwing it at each other. Can you imagine how dirty this is going to get? All the bugs crawling on these leaves send chills up my spine.
“Hey,” Minwoo said as I was about to smack him with some leaves.
“What?”
“I’m thirsty. Get me some water,” Minwoo whined.
“Screw you,” I said and threw the leaves at him and ran into the house.
“Get back here,” Minwoo said coming after me. Before I could go into the kitchen Minwoo grabbed me by my hair and pulled me back.
“Owwww….JERK,” I said as my back slammed against his chest. 
“I was trying to get the leaves and twigs out of your hair,” Minwoo said touching my hair. “Come here,” he said and dragged me to the couch. He made me sit between his legs on the ground while he started to pull things out of my hair. He created the mess in the first place so he might as well clean it up. I sat quietly waiting for Minwoo to finish. This is weird but there is something very intimate about this. For some reason it makes me feel closer to him. What am I talking about he’s just touching my hair? And then he began to comb his hand through my hair. I feel his hand begin to braid my hair. Braid my hair? Minwoo knows how to braid hair? What the fuck? I waited for him to finish and then I turn around in my position and looked up at him.
“Ok, where in the heck did you learn how to braid hair?” I asked curiously.
“I always knew how to,” he plainly stated.
“That doesn’t answer my question. First out of no where you know how to cook and now you also know how to braid hair. I’m confused. I thought a guy like you would only know how to ride bikes, sing and dance but you do more. I want an explanation,” I demanded. 
Minwoo looked at me and for a moment I thought he wasn’t going to say anything but then he opened his mouth and said, “When I was fourteen my mom passed away and there was only me, my dad, and my little five years old sister. My dad worked hard and wasn’t home that much so I took care of my little sister a lot. And that’s when I learned how to braid hair, cook, play with dolls, put on make up….” 
“That explains a lot,” I said smiling at him.
“What does that mean?”
“Nothing what so ever,” I said getting up and heading towards the kitchen.
“Yeah right, I saw that look on your face,” he said following me.
“Well let’s just say I saw the pictures from your third album and damn it looks like you guys went to Clown College to have your make up done,” I said choking on my laughter. 
“I was joking on the make up thing,” Minwoo defended himself.
“Yeah sure,” I rolled my eyes at him. 
“So you don’t believe me? Well….”
*Ding dong*
“I’ll get that,” I said rushing by Minwoo and heading towards the door.
I opened the door to find myself looking at two people I didn’t really want to see for the rest of my life. I couldn’t believe they had the guts to even show up on my door step. After all the things they have caused me. They actually had the face to show up here. I know they’re not here to see Minwoo that’s for sure. What in the hell would make them want to come here?
“Jina who is it?” Minwoo said from behind.
“Nobody,” I said closing the door on them. Now they ruined my mood. I was actually having fun teasing Minwoo. And then they come along and ruin everything. They always ruin everything.
“Why did you do that for?” Minwoo said but the doorbell began to ring constantly before I could answer him. Minwoo went to the door and opened it.
“What do you think you’re doing?” I said with a little bit of anger in my voice as I stood behind Minwoo.
“Please don’t shut the door,” Susan said. Did she just say please? In all my twenty years I never heard her say please to me. She always took what she wanted and got it with out never asking me. But when I looked at her eyes for some kind of explanation I saw that she looked afraid.
“Why not?” I said.
“We need your help,” Brian said.
“You need my help?” I said not believing what I’m hearing. “Hahahahahaha….since when did you need my help?”
“Jina it’s not funny. I’m serious,” Susan said for once and she sound actually nice and not nasty like she always is.
“Give me one good reason why I should even help you guys? Huh? After everything that you guys done to me you expect me to help you guys. I don’t think so. You!” I said pointing to Brian. “I gave you two years of my life. I gave you all of me and what the heck to do you do. You go cheating on me. And you have no idea what that have done to me for the last year. And you!” I said pointing to Susan. “You were always such a brat to me. Anything that I had you always want it. Anything that I did you wanted to do to. And you never cared what it caused me. You never cared if you stomp all over me to get what you wanted. And now you guy are here asking me for my help. So what in the world did you need my help on? Because it makes me very curious that the two people I hate most in this world is at my door step and asking me for help?” I shouted.
“I’m pregnant,” Susan said.
“Whoa! Repeat that?” I said. This is unbelievable.
“I’m pregnant,” she said again.
“Puhahahahahahhaha…..” I begin to laugh. I was laughing so hard I had to hold on to my stomach.
“Jina are you ok?” Minwoo asked giving me a strange look.
I stop my laughter and looked at Brian and Susan. They had a serious look on there face.
“So you are saying the Miss Goody-two-shoe, the best daughter someone could ever ask for, the innocent one of the house, the one that could never do any wrong, is pregnant?” 
“Yes,” they both said.
“OH MY GOD! Hahahahahahaha….” This was just too hilarious for me. “So let me guess Brian is the father,”
“Of course he is,” Susan said.
“I’m so surprise,” I said amused at the situation, “I would at least have thought I would be the one who got pregnant and wasn’t married yet but even you had to take that title away from me didn’t you Susan?”
“Jina this is no joke,” Susan said getting a little frustrated.

“Oh but it’s so funny,”
“Jina we need your help,” Brian plead.
“How am I supposed to help you? I don’t know what to do. Do I look like I’ve taken cared of kids before?” 
“We don’t need help on that,” Susan said.
“What then?”
“We need you to help us tell father,” Susan said and she looked desperate.
“Me? Why me? You tell him. He doesn’t care about me,” I said walking away. It was true my father doesn’t care about me. He hasn’t even bothered to call for the last three months. He probably partying somewhere knowing I’m stuck here.
“Um…come on in,” I hear Minwoo said. I didn’t really care anymore. I think I finally realize that it was all over between me and Brian when Susan said she was pregnant. Don’t get me wrong it was over a long time ago. But the last string was cut once those words were spilled.
“So what exactly did you want me to say,” I asked as they sat down on the couch.
“Try to reason with him,” Brian said. I wonder what my father would say to Brian. He’ll probably want to kill Brian for getting his favorite daughter pregnant. I wouldn’t mind seeing that.
“Reason with him? I don’t know how to reason with my father. I never reason with my father before. Not ever,” I said.
“We want you to tell him,” Susan said.
“Why because you’re afraid to do it yourself?” I asked them.
“No because you’re better at dealing with him and you’ve been in these kind of situations before,” Susan said acting as if it was nothing to me.
“I was never pregnant with somebody’s baby,” I said sarcastically.
“Jina you know what I mean,” Susan said.
“So you want me to tell our father that Brian hit you up and got you pregnant,” I raised my eyebrows at them.
“Yes,” they both said.
“And what do I do after that?”
“Also tell him that we’re engaged and that we’ll be living here,” Susan said.
“Ok fine. I’ll do that right now,” I said getting up and heading towards the phone.
“No wait!” they both screamed.
“Not now,” Susan said.
“Why not?”
“We were hoping you can do it when you go back home in December,” Brian said.
“What? Why so long?” I asked.
“What? You’re leaving?” Minwoo said surprised. I forgotten that he was there.
“Yeah I am. Why December?” I said ignoring Minwoo and facing Brian and Susan.
“Because we figure it would be easier,” Brian said.
“Fine,” I said. I don’t know why I’m agreeing to this. But I guess it’s my way of saying that I don’t really care much about Brian and Susan anymore. 
“Thanks Jina,” they both said.
“You guys owe me big time then,” I said. I made them explain to me there relationship and how Susan got pregnant. It turned out that Brian and Susan had a thing going on after Brian cheated on me with Cindy. They liked each other and maybe even more but never follow through with it. Of course I had some moments when I wanted to choke them while they were telling me the story but I contain myself. It turned out that after I left they got together. They were afraid I’ll do something crazy if they hooked up while I was there. They were probably right. She’s two months pregnant and the baby is expected in April of next year. I can’t believe I’m going to be an aunt. Aunt Jina? I don’t think that really suits me. After the story they left and told me they’ll be in contact with me. I can’t believe I forgave them for all the things they’ve done to me just like that. I didn’t fully forgive them I’m just doing this for the baby. 
“So why are you leaving in December?” Minwoo asked me as I plop myself back onto the couch after saying good bye to Susan and Brian.
“Because I have to collect my money my mother left behind for me. I wasn’t going to stay here in Korea. From the beginning of this whole thing I knew I was going back,” I simply said.
“Is there anything that would make you stay?”
“I don’t think so. Why do you ask?”
“I’m just wondering,”
“Well I’m going to go back, to tell my father the great news and to show to him that I can survive anything he throws at me,”
“So you are really really leaving,” he said. He seem not to believe me.
“Yes, I am. I even said that in the beginning,”
“What if we asked you to stay would you?”
“I don’t know,”






Chp. 20

“You look like you have a lot on your mind,” Hwanhee said coming to sit by me on the couch. It was a Friday night and here I am watching TV when I should be out doing something. But I’ve decided not to because I was worn out. 
“I’ve been thinking a lot lately. I don’t know if that’s such a good thing though,” I said.
“What about?”
“About my life, I mean look at me I’m twenty years old and I’m sitting here on a Friday night. I have no purpose in life at all,” 
“You’re purpose in life is to drive everyone around you crazy,” Hwanhee joked.
“Hwanhee I’m serious,” I slapped him on the arms.
“Oh fine,”
“I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. I don’t even go to college. I never was interested in anything beside motorcycles. I can’t be a sixty year old lady still riding a bike,” I sighed.
“Your right that wouldn’t look right,” Hwanhee cringed. Once again I slapped him on the arm. “Does this have to do with Brian and Susan?”
“Why would this have to do with Brian and Susan?” I questioned.
“Well the baby and all,”
“It has nothing to do with them or the baby. Well….maybe a little. I was doing the laundry the other day and bitching about how sorry this job can be. And then it finally hit me. I really need to do something with my life. And I thought back to the baby and it made me want to have a family of my own. I have always secretly wanted a family of my own. Maybe it came from the lack of having a real family. I just had this inspiration to do something wonderful with my life. I want something great. I want something that will make me happy,” I sighed and laid my head on Hwanhee’s shoulder.
“Don’t worry everything is going to be ok,” Hwanhee said patting my head.
“I’m so pathetic ain’t I?” 
“No you’re not,”
“Yes, I am. I’m stuck home on a Friday night and talking to my cousin about how sorry my life is. Now that’s pathetic,” I said getting off his shoulder.
“There’s nothing wrong with that,”
“I’m itching to do something. I’ve becoming to soft these days being around you guys too much is making me soft. I need to toughen up,” I said trying to think of something to do.
“I like the calmer you,”
“What’s today’s date?”
“October 31. Why?”
“Do you know what people are doing today in the States?” I asked him.
“No what?”
“They’re trick or treating,” I said. I think I have a nice trick to play. “What club did you say the guys were going to?”
“Why?” Hwanhee said giving me the I-don’t-like-that-look-on-your-face look.
“I want to do a little trick or treating my self,” I said.
“Don’t do it,”
“Do what?”
“Don’t do what you’re thinking of doing,”
“Hwanhee but I need your help. For once in your life have a little fun with your favorite cousin in the world,” I said giving him a puppy face look.
“Hmmmmmm…..alright then but we better not get into any trouble,” He gave up.
“Oh there won’t be any trouble,”

Express Night Club

“Jina I look like a fool,” Hwanhee complained as he adjust his beanie.
“Aaawww c’mon Hwanhee. You be thuggin it,” I laughed. I thought he look good in his so called thuggish outfit. He was wearing a black beanie, blue jeans three times too big for him, a big blue bubble jacket, a red Nautica shirt, and a big fake heavy gold chain around his neck. I wouldn’t want to mess with him. And to disguise his face he had on a fake goatee that we bought earlier. We were in our disguise or more like customs. I was wearing a black mini skirt, a green neon tank top, a neon pink wig, and cats eye glasses. We really stood out from the crowd because everyone was dress in there club style clothes. It’s Halloween and I’m in the mood. Of course heads were turning to look our way.
“There are those fools are,” I said looking at Eric, Andy, and Dongwan. Our mission was rather pretty easy. All I had to do was lure one of the single guys to come and dance with me. Minwoo, Hyesung, and Junjin were off limits because they had girlfriends. While dancing Hwanhee was going to interrupt us and try to start a fight with who ever I was dancing with. Hwanhee’s suppose to sound all tough and try to scare them. Hopefully he won’t get hurt. And then afterwards we’ll reveal ourselves. 
“Work your thang,” Hwanhee snapped at me. Where did that come from? I secretly laughed inside as I walked towards the table next to the guys. I sat at the seat right behind Dongwan. He could be my victim. I crossed my legs showing as much skin as I can. I feel like such a hoochie.
“Waitress can I get some soju?” I said raving her down. That caught Dongwan’s attention. I can feel his eyes wandering from my legs up to my face. I looked towards the dance floor pretending to be interested. 
“Dongwan stop staring at that girl,” Andy said out loud. I turned to look their way and I gave him a wink and a smile. When I did that both Andy and Eric laughed at Dongwan because of the look on his face. 
“Dongwan’s a sexy name,” I said to him. Oh my god that was corny. Dongwan being the happy guy he is gave me a big grin.
“Thank you. Can you tell me yours?” he said. Oh shit! What’s my name? Christina? Raymie? Haemee? Jane? Jenny? No Becky, Becky would be a good name.
“You can call me Becky,” I said in the sexiest voice I could conjure up. 
“Becky’s a sexy name too,” Dongwan said turning his attention to me. Is that all he can say?
I started tapping my feet on the floor just to suggest to him that I wanted to dance. For some reason he still hasn’t gotten the hint. So I started bobbing my head. I think I hear Andy and Eric laughing in the back ground.
“Did you want to dance?” He finally said.
“I thought you’ll never ask,” I said reaching his hand and I was the one who led him to the dance floor. We started to dance to the song it was a fast one. The cue for Hwanhee to come over was when I wrapped my arms around his neck and moved him closer to me. And so we dance and dance and things started to get a little freaky and crowded because some how I lost Dongwan. I found myself in a mist of people who were just dancing with no one in particular. Damn! How did that happen? Now I’ll never get to play my trick on him. Didn’t I look good enough? I can’t get out of here. I kept dancing until the song was over. So I danced with no one in particular. I haven’t dance like this in such a long time.
“I like the way you move your body,” someone said from behind. I turned around to find myself face to face with Minwoo. Minwoo?
I recover from my shock quickly and just began to dance with him. The song ended but another song quickly came on. It was Aaliyah’s “If Your Girl Only Knew”. What the hell is he doing dancing with me? Isn’t Hyori going to get pissed off? Where is that little witch anyways? This can be my chance to play my trick. But I don’t want to play this trick on Minwoo. Because I don’t know what his reaction would be. 
“Whoa,” I said as Minwoo pulled me into his embrace and right up close to his body. I had no choice to put my arms around his neck. We began to move as one with the music. Wow he’s a good dancer. Minwoo buried his head into my neck. What the heck is he doing? This shouldn’t be happening. But I just went with the flow.
“You smell good,” He said. What the heck is wrong with him? He has a god damn girlfriend but yet he’s here on the dance floor practically trying to bury his head in my boobs. I don’t know but I think things started to get heated between us. Man it is hot in here. Things started to get a little weird between us. It was like we were in a trance. And our body move together smoothly. 
“I love your dolphin tattoo,” He whispered into my ear. Oh shietty shiet shiet! Oh this is not good. He knows he must know. How does he know? I’m panicking. I stop dancing and just stood there. 
“You think I wouldn’t notice?” he said looking into my eyes. He knew that I knew that he knew who I was. “Don’t think you can hide from me,” He said giving me a grin. 
“Get away from my girl,” Hwanhee jumped in. That was no use anymore. The trick is no use anymore. Hwanhee pushed Minwoo out of my arm.
“What the….” Minwoo said but then he started laughing. Oh my gawd, this is embarrassing.
Hwanhee look dumbfounded at Minwoo. “I said stay….” But he couldn’t continue with it. Everyone around us stops dancing and now we were the center of attention. I probably can count this to be the most embarrassing moment of my life.
“Minwoo what are you doing dancing with my girl Becky,” Dongwan said coming up to us. 
“You mean Jina?” Minwoo said still smiling. 
“Jina?” Andy and Eric both said in unison. 
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I tried to lie. 
“Jina, I think we should just give up,” Hwanhee said taking off his beanie. 
“Hwanhee?” Hyesung and Junjin looking at him. They were both with their girlfriends. 
“Yea it’s me,” He said giving up. This is really embarrassing. I tried to hide behind Hwanhee.
“Daymn Jina I never knew you had legs like that,” Dongwan said walking over and checking out my legs. 
“Oh check out this wig,” Junjin said touching it. I slapped his hands away.
“What are you up to?” Andy said curious. What am I suppose to say?
“It’s Halloween and I’m wearing a custom,” I explained. 
“That’s one weird custom,” Eric said.
“It looks like someone went crazy with fluorescent highlighters,” Hyesung said laughing. I gave him an evil look and he stopped. 
“Hwanhee you look hilarious,” Minwoo said about to laugh. 
“It was all Jina’s idea,” Hwanhee said pointing to me.
“*gasp* It’s called a custom. There are millions of people dressed up in customs today,” I defended myself. What the hell was I thinking do this? Another bad idea gone down the drain. People where getting back to dancing so here was my chance to escape. 
“Hey where are you going? We haven’t finish our dance,” Minwoo said holding me back 
“I’m leaving,” I said trying to get out of his grip. 
“No you’re not,” He said pulling me into his embrace. What is wrong with him? I’m not in the mood for dancing anymore. I feel real stupid and when I feel stupid I get pissed. I don’t move an inch as Minwoo began to dance.
“Hey I want to dance with Jina too,” Andy said.
“Since you guys both want to dance. You guys can dance together,” I said pushing Andy towards Minwoo and walking to Hwanhee.
“Let’s go home,” I said to him.
“You look disappointed. I had a feeling this wouldn’t work,” Hwanhee said to me. 
“Don’t remind me,” Hwanhee and I head towards the door. I don’t know what was really bugging me the fact that I was discovered or the feelings I felt when I was dancing with Minwoo. I didn’t want him to make me feel like that. I marched out of there angry.
“Hey watch it,” some girl said as I bumped into her.
“You watch it,” she said and I look at her. It was Hyori. Just my luck. “Do I know you?” she said.
“No you don’t,” I quickly said and walked out with Hwanhee behind me.


Later on That Night

I can't sleep again. I keep on having that same nightmare. I hate it why won't it just go away. Please it's just scaring me even more. What does it all mean? It's three o'clock in the morning and once again I'm trembling from my nightmare. I need a cigarette I really need one. I get out of bed and walk down stair holding onto the rail because I'm trembling too much. I can't smoke I really can't smoke right now. I promise myself I'll take better care of myself. It’s about time. The only thing I can think of to calm myself down is to do something I did before I discover cigarettes.
I opened the door to the backyard and walk outside. I climb onto the roof top still a little shaky from the dream. I lie down on the roof and stare up at the stars and moon. The days and nights seem to get colder and colder and tonight was no exception. I should have brought a blanket. 

"Mommm....mommy..." the words trembled out of my mouth.
"I'm sorry mom. I couldn't be the daughter you wanted me to be. I'm not some great person who does great things for her community. I don't even know if the
things I do are even good. Sometimes I'm glad that you're not alive so you wouldn't see how much of a disappointment I am to everyone around me. I know if
you were alive you'll never tolerate what I do. But what do I know I was only two when you died. I don't even know you. Why did you have to leave me?" I was
crying now. "Why did you ever go away? Do you know how much pain I've been through? Do you know how much these dreams bother me? Do you know how much those jaded eyes bother me? I know they're your eyes mom I know. In my dreams I know they're your eyes because it's a reflection of mine. But that's all I have of
you and I know you must think I'm ashamed of them but I'm not. I didn't care that they teased me when I was younger because of them. They're part of you and me
something I will for now on cherish. Because they gave me the courage to stand up for myself. They gave me the courage to move on. Mommy....heuk...heuk...I miss
you....everyday.....I miss you. And I wish you were here. I wish you were here." I whispered into the dark cold night.

Before I discover cigarettes I talked to my mom. I don't know if she could hear me but I do anyways. Yeah, yeah I know I'm getting soft and mushy and all that
stuff but I have my moments too you know. Talking to my mom was another way to relax and it also didn't kill me as much as smoking. It's getting colder by the second and I know soon I'll be frozen. I didn't want to get pneumonia again or I'll get a lecturing from Hwanhee as always. November was really here. I climbed back down the ladder and head toward the door. I noticed that the light from the kitchen was on. Now who could be up this late besides me? I know after all that crying my eyes are probably super puffy and super red and I don't want anyone know that I was crying. Hopefully whoever it was they wouldn't notice me.

I opened the sliding door slowing, making sure I didn't make any noise. I stepped in and closed the door behind me. The house was so much warmer. I looked up to see who was in the kitchen. I must have the worst luck in this world. I really do. I mean how unlucky can a girl get? Probably as unlucky as I am. But once again the world wants to screw around with me. 
"Hahahaha Minwoo that tickles," Hyori giggled. Oh gawd shut the fuck up. There was Minwoo and Hyori in each other arms. She had her back to the table and was leaning against it and Minwoo was standing right in front of her and smiling at her. I couldn't move. I know I'm supposed to be getting my ass up those stairs but I seem to have just developed a bad case of stiffness in all my body parts. I know I shouldn't care. I really shouldn't care about him or her or what ever the hell they are doing. Because....gawd damn it I'm jealous. Do I have a right to be jealous? Technically no because they're together but hell yeah I should. I mean who the fuck does he think he is? One moment he's dancing with me and getting all freaky and stuff and the next he's kissing his freaking girlfriend. What the hell is the matter him? Why is he playing the games? I know what we both felt at the club was just not a figure of my
imagination. So why the hell is he still with her? Argh...forget him. I don’t' need this, especially from him. I'm going to leave anyways so it doesn't matter. I'm going to bed. I can't stand it anymore. I can't stand seeing them together.
My legs finally decided to move. "Ow..." I whispered.
Unfortunately my eyes weren't looking at where they
were going so I hit my toe to the nearby desk. Which cause a little of a commotion and knocked down some books.
"What was that?" And catching Minwoo's attention. Once again all I got to say is Shietty Shiet Shiet! Now both of them probably think I was spying on them. Which is not true at all!
"Jina?" Minwoo said turning on the living room light and walking towards me.
"I'm okay really," I said grabbing onto my toe and turning my head down. I didn't want him to see me because both my eyes and cheeks were pink now.
"What are you doing up so late?" he asked being sincere. How can he act like nothing happen between us?
"Yeah what are you doing? Spying?" Hyori said. She sounded a little piss.
"Spying?!" I said looking at Hyori straight in the eyes. She was taken aback.
"Those red eyes don’t' really go with those jaded color of yours," she said commenting on my eyes. 
"Have you been crying?" Minwoo asked. Gosh will he just shut the hell up and stop pretending that he actually cares.
"No," I lied.
"You have. Haven't you?" He said not believing me.
"It's none of your business anyways. So leave me alone," I said becoming angrier. I walked pass them and to the stairs.
"Are you ok?" Why can't he just stop with the questions?
"I'm fine. Go away!" I yelled at him. He looks kind of hurt when I said that.
"C'mon Minwoo forget about it. I'm still hungry," Hyori said dragging Minwoo back to the kitchen.
I wish I could have ran up the stairs but my toe wasn't helping me much by being in pain. So I slowly walked up the stairs and I could still hear Minwoo and Hyori moving around the kitchen. I had a feeling he's watching me. But I don't care. I really don't care. I finally reach my bedroom and laid down on my bed. My toe still hurt like a bitch. But I didn't know what hurt more my toe or my heart?




Chp. 21

Couple of Days later

“Jina! Jina! Get up!” someone was calling me.
“No I’m still dreaming,” I mumbled.
“But I just spent the last hour jogging and now I’m hungry,”
“Arrghh….” That can only be Dongwan. I rolled over to where Dongwan’s voice was coming from. “What time is it?” I said looking at him.
“It’s six-thirty,” he said.
“Oh…gosh it’s freezing in here. Did someone turn off the heater?” I asked looking up at him.
“I don’t know but I’ll keep you warm,” He said giving me a wink and a grin.
“Shut up,” I said as I slapped him in the arm.
“You know ever since that night at the club when you showed me those sexy legs. I want to see more,” he said beginning to pull up my blanket.
“Stop it,” I said slapping him again.
“I’m just kidding. I don’t think I could handle you,” He said.
“You probably couldn’t,” I said back to him.
“And you’re also off limits,” he said to my surprised.
“Off limits,” I raised my eyebrows at him.
“Umm….yeah….because….you ….know you’re Hwanhee’s cousin,” he stuttered.
“No you’re hiding something. What is it?” I looked at him suspiciously.
“I’m not,” I said lifting up his hand in defense.
“Liar,” 

“I’m not lying. Hurry up I’m hungry,” he said pulling my blanket off of me. 
“Aaahhhhh Dongwan its freezing!” I shouted at him.
“Oh look at those legs too bad Minwoo stole my dance away from you that night. I would have loved to test them out,” Dongwan said examining my legs.
“What do you mean stole?” I was more suspicious.
“Well that’s what he did that night. I would have loved to dance with you but he took you away and you guys were getting pretty freaky there for a moment. Do you have something going on that I should no about?” Dongwan said.
“No we don’t,” I said “Give me back my blanket!” I said sitting up in bed and grabbing my blanket from him. I don’t want to talk about Minwoo. It just irritated me even more. And what I felt that night I have decided was good old passionate lust. And that was all. Because that’s all that really exist in this world. LUST! Nothing more.
“I’m still hungry,” he said giving me a sad face.
“Ok fine go downstairs and I’ll be there in a minute,” I said giving him an annoying look. 
“Argh…the great things about being a maid,” I said to myself as I got out of bed and put on my robe. I did my usual routine and went downstairs in my robe. I didn’t need to get dress I was use to these guys already. I went into the kitchen and there sat Junjin, Hyesung, and Dongwan.
“What do you boys want this morning?” I asked them.
“Eggs,”
“Waffle,”
“You,” Junjin said winking at me.
“Forget my eggs…I want a piece of you too,” Dongwan said getting up from his chair and walking towards me. I think ever since that night they like to teased me about my looks saying I’m hot and this and that and blah blah blah!
“Hey I had her first,” Junjin said getting up and pushing Dongwan out of his way. And they began to fool around with each other. They pretend to hit each other fighting over me. 
“I still want my waffle,” Hyesung said to me.
I just shook my head at all of them, “Stop it before I take a bit out of both of you guys,” I shouted.
“Oh no look at that look,” Junjin said pointing at me.
“That’s the don’t-mess-with-me look,” Dongwan said.
“I’m going to tell Hwanhee,” Junjin said pretending to act like a little kid.
“Hwanhee,” Dongwan cried.
“OH MY GAWD! How did I ever survive this house with the both of you guys here?” I said looking up to the ceiling for an answer.
“I don’t know you tell me,” Hyesung said.
“What’s the matter?” Hwanhee said rushing down the stairs.
“She’s going to bite us,” Junjin said going to hide behind Hwanhee. I rolled my eyes at him.
“No biting Jina,” Hwanhee said in his overly father toned.
“Well you tell them boys not to mess with me then,” I said.
“No messing with Jina,” Hwanhee said to Dongwan and Junjin.
“But she’s so hot and pretty and sizzling,” Dongwan said blowing me a kiss. I couldn’t help myself but laugh.
“Shut up and sit while I cook your breakfast,” I said. By the time I finish cooking breakfast for Junjin, Dongwan, Hwanhee and Hyesung, Andy and Eric were already up demanding their breakfast too. So I cook them breakfast also. Minwoo wasn’t up yet he was always the one to get up the latest so I didn’t bother to cook him breakfast. I ran upstairs took a shower and dress. I had a busy day in front of me. The boys were having a little get together with a couple of friends tonight and I had to really clean up the house. I also had to pick up some laundry from the dry cleaners, purchase some silverware, and do some more food shopping. I grabbed my things and ran back downstairs.
“Ok I’m ready who’s going to be my chauffeur of the day,” I asked looking at all six of them. They all turn their head a different direction avoiding my eyes except for Hwanhee.
“Don’t forget you have that doctor’s appointment today,” Hwanhee said.
“What?! What doctor’s appointment?” I question.
“It’s just a check up on your fingers,” he answered.
“That’s today? But I have tons of things to do,” I whined.
“It’s very important Jina so you have to go,” Hwanhee said once again being the fatherly one.
“Ok,” I said not really wanting to go. “So who’s driving?” I once said again. They all turn away. I guess I’m going to have to pick one of them then. They all had nothing to do anyways but sit around the house. They were on their vacation and wouldn’t be working on their album until December.
“Drive Hyesung,” I demanded.
“What?! Why me?” he said not wanting to go. Sheesh! You would have thought after all I’ve done for them they would at least do something for me.
“Because if you don’t I’ll drive your car and plus I’m going to the hospital don’t you want to see your girlfriend Sidney?” I said to him. At the sound of his girlfriend’s name he popped out of his seat quickly.
“Let’s go,” he said. That girl got him wrapped around her fingers. I thought smiling.

Hospital

“Well Jina your fingers are doing great although they are a little crooked they will function fine,” the doctor.
“Thanks Doc,” I said.
“No problem. Now you take care of yourself and those fingers,” He said.
“I will,” I said getting up and leaving the office.
“Finally you’re done,” Hyesung said getting up from the chair he was sitting in.
“Yeah, now it’s off to the dry cleaners,” I said trying to hurry up on out of there.
“Wait no. We have to visit Sidney first in the emergency room,” Hyesung reminded me. 
“Oh yeah I forgot,” I said heading back towards Hyesung. This better be quick I really got to go. We made our way to the Emergency room where we found Sidney with a patient. I don’t think we were suppose to do this but we walk up to her like it was nothing and Hyesung started to talk to her. And they did their little talk about usual boyfriend and girlfriend stuff. I was getting bored so I decided to take a little trip around the area. I stopped walking when I heard a familiar voice.
“So how long to I have to keep these bandages on?” the voice said. Where have I heard that voice from?
“For as long as it takes for the wound to heal. You’re one lucky guy it was just a bullet graze if it was one more inch to the left you would have a whole in your arm,” the doctor said.
“Thanks,” the guy said.
“He’s going to be alright right doctor?” another voice said. That voice sound familiar too.
“Yeah he’ll be fine. Don’t worry about your friend here,” the doctor said and then he pulled back the curtains. 
I had a feeling it was him. It was that guy from the night of my motorcycle accident. It was the guy that I race against and their by his bed side was his friend. I was still angry from that night because they left me stranded. 
“I guess someone deserve what they got,” I said to them. It caught both of their attentions. 
“YOU!” the guy with the bandage said. 
“Nice to see you again too,” I said sarcastically.
“I see that you got rid of your scars,” he said.
“I never had scars for your information,” I snickered at him.
“What happen to your jaded eyes? Are you scared of showing them?” he said looking at me.
“No actually I’m not. You just don’t deserve to see them,” 
“I don’t want to see them. They’re freaky,” he said acting as if he didn’t care.
“So who shot you? I want to hit him on the head for not aiming at your heart,” I gave him the evil look.
“The bastard was lucky he caught me off guard or else he would have been in my position,” he said pissed.
“Sure Sure but look who’s the one in the hospital?” I raised my eyebrow at him.
“Don’t get smart with me little girl,” he said.
“Little girl? That’s not what you were thinking that night I raced against you,”
“JINA!” someone shouted from behind. I turned around to see Hyesung running my way.
“Jina? So that’s your name?” he said.
“Hey where were you? I’ve been looking for you,” Hyesung said almost out of breath.
“I was just wandering around,” I said innocently.
“Well say bye to your friend we gotta go if we ever want to finish up with your errands,” he said almost pulling me out. Oh so now he’s the one in a rush!
“He’s not my friend just some thug,” I said.
“Thug?” Hyesung said confused as he stop dragging me and look at the guy in the bed. The look on Hyeusng’s face was surprising to me. I could tell that he knew this guy because his eyes almost fell out of his socket and for a moment there he looked very scared.
“Are you ok Hyesung?” I asked him.
“Yeah I’m fine. How do you know this guy?” Hyesung said but before I could answer he said “Forget it don’t answer that just stay away from him,” he said dragging me out in a hurry. What is wrong with him? Who is that guy? I know that he knows this guy and it must be someone important too or else he wouldn’t have such a big reaction. Before we could reach the car I stopped in the middle of the road.
“Who is that guy?” I demanded an answer from him.
“No one,” Hyesung said continuing to walk.
“Who is he Hyesung? I’m not moving until you tell me?” I said stubbornly.
“No one now let’s go,”
“I’m not going. Now tell me,” 
“Jina I don’t have time for this,” he said getting frustrated.
“Neither do I now tell me,” I demanded once again.
“Ok ok…but if I do you must promise never to go near that guy again and that you don’t tell this to anyone,” Hyesung said.
“I promise,” I said raising my right arm.
“Ok he’s Minwoo’s brother,” Hyesung said. Whoa! Hold up! Brother?! Brother?! When in the hell did he have a brother? I thought he only had a sister and a father. And even I don’t know where they are? But a bother? I just realized that I didn’t know anything about his personal life at all. Sometimes he was so closed off you couldn’t even use a jackhammer to get through him. But a brother? Gees something must have happen if they don’t even keep in contact with each other anymore. Hyesung told me to be quiet about it because he was the only one that knew Minwoo had a brother. He discovered it quit by accident one night when he was getting drunk with Minwoo. Minwoo’s brother Taehyung (author’s note= I couldn’t think of a name >.<), just happened to be in the same club as both of them. They got into a little argument and Minwoo told Hyesung about Taehyung when he was drunk. 



The Get-Together

“Jina why don’t you join us?” Andy said to me.
“Nah its ok I’m really tired and I need my rest but I’ll take those bottles of beer,” I said pointing at them.
“They’re all yours,” He said handing them to me. I know I’ve become part of their family but I just didn’t feel like going out there to their little mini-party. I don’t feel right and felt left out. So I’ve decided to stay in here and watch TV and do my own little thing. And plus it was freezing outside I wouldn’t want to be out there. I predicted that it’s going to rain in about two hours. I kind of feel sorry for them but it was their smart idea to have this get together. There weren’t that many people here just about ten people and Junjin’s, Hyesung’s and Minwoo’s girlfriend. I wouldn’t mingle with them quit well. 
“Hey Jina they’re showing their dancing moves out there why don’t you show them some of yours,” Dongwan said coming into the house.
“I don’t think so. What you saw that night was a once in a lifetime chance only?” I winked at him.
“Awww come on Jina I need a hot girl to dance with?” he whined.
“What happened to the inflatable doll you had upstairs?” I joked.
“I gave that one to Andy. It was getting worn out,” he joked. I laughed out loud.
“What’s so funny?” Minwoo said coming in. My laughter stopped. I was itching so much to ask him about his brother. But I knew I couldn’t because Hyesung would kill me.
“Dongwan is funny,” I answered.
“And you are mad sexy in the outfit the other night now c’mon show them what you got,” Dongwan said still wanting me to do dance.
“No I’m tired and I’m going to stay in here,” I said putting my feet down. 
“Fine, I hear some fine ladies calling me anyways,” he said going out the door.
“Fine ladies my ass!” I laughed to his back.
“Why don’t you join us Jina?” Minwoo said walking into the kitchen.
“How many times do I have to tell you guys? I don’t want to,” I said getting tired of their pestering.
“Ok, ok you don’t have to come but you’re missing out on the fun,” Minwoo said.
“Don’t worry about me having fun. Me and my six pack of beers here are going to have a little fun of our own,” I said patting my six pack.
“Fine, sit here miserably, drinking your six pack while we have fun out there,” Minwoo said with some hard liquor in his hands.
“Oh I well,” 
“Fine,”
“Fine,”
“Fine,”
“Fine,”
“Fine,”
“Shut up and leave already,” I said.
“hahahaha…” he laughed at me.
“Minwoo….” I said in a softer tone. It just really bugging me. I want to ask him so badly.

Two hours Later.

I am totally buzzed. That picture on the wall of Hyesung actually looks like a girl now. Whoa what was that? A flash? It was the lighting from the rain storm. I told you it was going to rain and I was so right. 
“Jina! Jina!” someone shouted my name.
“What?!” I shouted back.
“Are you drunk?” It was Hwanhee.
“No I’m not just a little buzz,” I said irritated.
“Well you look dead tired let’s get you upstairs,” Hwanhee said.
“Hey where’s everybody? Where’s the party at?” I said looking around.
“Hyesung and Junjin left with their girlfriends and the other guys left to some other party. It’s just you and me and Minwoo, who’s doing a little clean up before he leaves too,” Hwanhee explained. I just nodded at what he said.
“Hwanhee do you like me with jade eyes or brown eyes?” I asked him.
“I like you just the way you are,” he said.
“You’re a good person Hwanhee don’t ever change,” I said patting him on the back. Eewww I’m getting too mushy now.
“Minwoo I need your help,” Hwanhee called out.
“Hehehe…you don’t need his help you’re so much stronger than that short dude,” I said laughing. Maybe I’m beyond buzz. Minwoo appeared by my side out of nowhere.
“Whoa how did you do that? That was like maaaaaaaaaaaaagic,” I said.
“Buzz? Yeah right,” Minwoo said.
“My name is not Buzz. It’s Jina get that right,” I said as Minwoo pulled me up off the couch.
“Geez no wonder why you’re drunk you had half a bottle of this vodka,” Minwoo said.
“Hmmm...yum yum more please,” I said trying to grab the bottle from him but he pulled it away.
“Hwanhee put this away,” He said giving it to Hwanhee.
“Aaawww not fair,” I whined.
“C’mon I’ll give you a piggy back ride,” Minwoo said.
“What do I look like two?” I said squinting at him.
“Get on!” he said with his back to me.
“Ok but don’t say I didn’t warn you about being fat,” I said putting my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist.
“You don’t weigh nothing at all,” he said.
“Hahaha you use two double negative so that makes it a positive so you are calling me fat,” I said as we head upstairs. Minwoo just shook his head at me. Once we got into my room Minwoo laid me on my bed. 
“I’m going to put you on your side incase you throw up. It seems as if you had more fun than we did,” he said to me fixing my pillow.
“I bet you were a great big brother looking after your sister. What ever happened to your brother?” I said. O-oh! Where did that come from? I wasn’t suppose to say anything. I’m dead. Hyesung’s going to kill me. Or maybe Minwoo will. He froze at what I said and looked at me for a long time while I look at him right in the eyes. 
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said fixing my blanket. Well since it’s all out I’ll just ask him.
“Yes you do now tell me,” I demanded. I have learn that there are two kinds of drunk in this world. The funny drunks and the angry mean drunks. I have learned in all my experience that I could be the funny drunk until something triggers me to be the angry mean drunk. So hear I was the angry mean drunk. 
“It’s none of your business,” he said becoming as angry as I was.
“Yes it is. He’s the one that cause my accident,” I said.
“What!” Minwoo said now bending down to look at me at eye level. “What do you mean?”
“I know Hyesung told me. I meet him at the hospital today. What kind of trouble is he in Minwoo? And how you never mention you had a brother to the others?” I said in a more serious tone. The alcohol was beginning to wear off. Minwoo just looked at me never pulling his gaze away. And he looked deep into my eyes, deep beyond my color contacts and passed my jaded eyes and then he gave a little sigh.
“When my mom die we needed extra money. My brother was a motorcycle fanatic and wouldn’t give you his bike for money. He was the reason why I love motorcycle so much. He use to let me ride in the back with him going down the streets of the city really fast. Anyways my brother didn’t want to give up his bike that he had saved up money for so many years for so he decided to do a little side job. At first it was just racing for a little money to help out me, my sister and my father. But then things got worst,” Minwoo sighed, “ He began to turn to the crime life for everything and wasn’t around anymore that’s why I took care of my sister a lot. One day two years after my mom died all of us we at home eating dinner when we heard some loud noises from outside. We were stupid we all ran outside to look who it was. It was the rival gang of my brother’s gang and they were on motorcycles. They were threatening to burned down our house and kill my brother. My brother ran up to them telling them to leave and go away. My father also did this too. I stayed behind to protect Soyoung, my sister. But I couldn’t hold back anymore when they got off their bikes and started to beat up my brother and father. I ran towards them too and started to swing at anyone.”
He stared out into space as if he was picturing it in his mind, “ And it all happened in a flash. We heard the motorcycle roar and then the screaming of Soyoung. One of the jerks from the gang had ran over her leg. In that moment everything just seem to be frozen in time. She was only ten. The gang left and I called the ambulance and they came. My father started to yell at Taehyung. He told him he disown him and that he should leave. My father said that if I wanted that kind of life I could leave with Taehyung too but I couldn’t. I stayed behind with my sister and my father and I never seen my brother until a year ago in the club. My sister and father are back in the United States. They’re trying to find a way to work on my sister legs. It’s been six years but there was so much damage to the nerves that it was cut off that night. She’s going through therapy right now. I just talk to her last night,” Minwoo said in a very calm voice but the whole time tears were rolling down his face. And I couldn’t help myself but wiped them away.
“I’m sorry,” I said as I felt my tears fall too. Minwoo softly took my hand and kiss the palm of it. That sent shivers down my spine. I know now that I’m fully awake. And once again I am fell with lust. I looked at Minwoo questioning his action. He just look straight back at me. I can feel this power between us lingering in the air. With Minwoo still holding on to my hand I got out of bed and he stood up. We never stop looking at each other. So here I was face to face with Minwoo. I felt something pull me towards Minwoo I don’t know what it is but I know that if I didn’t kiss him right now I couldn’t breathe in the next second. So I pulled my eyes from his eyes and looked down at his lips questioning the unquestionable. And I got my answer when his lips touch mine and his tongue tease my mouth to open. So I did so. Our kiss deepen as Minwoo put his arms around me and pulled me closer to him. I wrap my arms around his neck and let the taste of his mouth fill mine. Finally we pulled back and we were both breathing heavily. And I couldn’t do anything. I only stared because I didn’t know what to say. I felt some much yet I was not satisfy at all because I wanted so much more. 
“Hey what’s taking so long?” Hwanhee said breaking into my thoughts. Minwoo and I didn’t budge. “Am I interrupting something?” he said. We looked each other in the eyes and answered.
“Yes (No)…” 



Chp. 22

“No…no…” I said “Minwoo is leaving,” I try my best not to look at him so I look at the ground. I don’t know if it was the alcohol or Minwoo but I was feeling things I didn’t want to feel. I could feel his eyes on me. He’s probably wondering why the heck I just told Hwanhee that. And I felt a sense of anger from him. 
“Oh….um….Hyori called for you she said you weren’t picking up your cell phone so um…” Hwanhee said uncomfortably. Hyori! Hyori! Hyori! Arrrrggggghhhh I hate that name. But who the fuck am I to even care? What I did was basically made him cheat on his girlfriend? I’m no better than Susan or Cindy or Brian. Why is my freakin conscious kicking in right now? I hate this.
“Yeah I’m leaving,” Minwoo said in a cold voice. It was the cold voice I knew so often and haven’t heard in the last couple of months and it sting. It actually hurt to hear him sound so mean. Minwoo walked away. 
What was wrong with me? Should I have said something else to Hwanhee? Arrrghhhh this is all so confusing. I don’t know what to do. I know that kiss meant something but I just don’t know what. Maybe it’s just the alcohol, maybe this was all just a dream. I can’t think anymore.
“Are you okay?” Hwanhee said to me.
“Yeah I’m fine,” I said heading to my bed.
“Good night,”
“Good night,”

A week later

“Hey Jina you want to come with us to the shooting of the music video?” Dongwan asked me.
“No I got things to do,” I said as I wash the dished.
“Aaawww it would be fun,” Eric said disappointed.
“Don’t worry I don’t need fun,” 
“What ever happened to this town is so boring, you guys are so boring,” Andy said trying to imitate me.
“It got too boring that I don’t notice the difference anymore,” I said.
“I’ll show you a good time,” Eric winked at me.
“Hahahaha,” I laughed “Eric making rapping part that makes no sense isn’t my idea of a good time,” I eyed him.
“Hey lay off my lyrics,” Eric got a little defensive.
“Fine, I don’t want to embarrass you any further,” I said going back to washing my dishes. 
“Hahahaha Eric you wuss,” Dongwan said.
“You guys ready?” Hwanhee said walking into the kitchen.
“No, we’re trying to drag your cousin along,” Andy said. 
“I’m busy. I have to clean the garage, fix the garden, dust the furniture, vacuum the house, wash your underwears and other various items,” I said eyeing them.
“She doesn’t need to come along,” Minwoo said in that tone again. It’s been like that ever since that night. He so cold like the snow that falls everyday now. What is wrong with him? Why does he care about what happen that night so much? He has a freaking girlfriend, he should go bother her instead of making me so miserable. Arrghhh! The other guys noticed what was going on between me and Minwoo. Hwanhee asked me about it once but I told him it was nothing.
“Forget the underwears, garage and garden. I’m coming along,” I said throwing the sponge into the kitchen skin and taking off my gloves. 
“Alright,” Dongwan, Andy, and Eric said.
“I want to have some fun,” I said as I walked pass Minwoo giving him a cold look. 
“So are you Hyesung’s girlfriend,” Shoo asked me and made me almost spit out the soda that was in my mouth. They had just finish shooting the last detail for SES’s own music video for the Christmas album.
I gave her a strange look and started to crack up. Oh my god that is the funniest thing I ever heard. Where have she been? Didn’t she know how Hyesung’s girlfriend looks like? 
“Hyesung’s girlfriend? Hahahahhahahaha,” I continued to laugh. I was laughing so hard I had to hold onto my stomach. 
“What’s so funny?” Shoo said bending down to look at me. I just continued to laugh. “American girls are weird,” she then walked away.
“What’s wrong with you?” Hyesung said coming up to me. He was dress in a nice brown v-neck sweater and some black slack. Not bad looking at all. 
“She just asked me if I was your girlfriend. Is she jealous?”
“I don’t know maybe,” Hyesung grabbed my soda from me and took a gulp.
“Hey get your own,” I snatched it away from him. “Does she still have a thing for you?”
“I have no idea,” Hyesung said looking at Shoo who was now with the other members of SES.
“Well you better not get any ideas of getting back with her because Sidney is actually one of the girls I could stand in this world,” I said eyeing him.
“Don’t worry. I’m very in love with Sidney,”
“AAawww my Sungie is all grown up and in love,” I pinched both of his cheeks.
“Sheesh girl that hurts,” he winced.
“Oh you’re such a baby,”
“Umm….Jina,” Hyesung said getting serious. 
“Yes,”
“What’s the best way to propose to a girl?” he shyly asked.
“Huh? Oh my gawd….you aren’t going to do what I think you’re going to do are you?”
He gave me a big smile, “Maybe”
“Aaaaaahhhhhh,” I scream. Everyone began to look our way.
“Shhhhhhhhh,” he said with his finger on his mouth.
“Sorry but I feel so excited for you,” which was true. This was exciting. He must really love her because he hasn’t known her for a long time. But I’m happy from him. I know it’s only a short time that I’ve been here but I came to think of Hyesung as my brother.
“So how should I propose?” he asked again.
“Let me see the ring first,” 
“I don’t have it with me,”
“Aaaawww I wanted to see it. Hmmm…fine….propose? I wouldn’t know much about that but you definitely can’t go ‘Yo, You want to spend the rest of your life with me? Holla back yo!” I said in a thuggish tone.
“Jina,” Hyesung said a little irritated. “Trust me I’m not going to do that,” 
“Yeah, yeah, I know I know. I was just kidding” I said. “Well, however you do it I hope she says yes and good luck,”
“Thanks,”
“Good luck? Why do you need good luck?” Junjin said coming up to us.
“That’s none of your business,” I said.
“You two are hiding something spit it out,” Junjin put his arms across his chest.
“We aren’t hiding anything,” Hyesung tried to act innocent.
“And if we were, we wouldn’t tell you anyways,” I said turning away from him.
“Hey c’mon share the secret,” Junjin started to pout.
“No,” Hyesung and I said in unison.
“Tell me Hyesung,” Junjin said giving him a little slap on the arm.
“Ask her she told me the secret,” Hyesung pointed to me.
“Me? What are you talking about?” I said moving further away from Junjin. When Junjin is curious about something, he’ll go to extreme measure to figure it out.
“Tell me,”
“No,”
“Tell me,” he said coming closer.
“No, why should I?”
“Because I said so,”
“No,” I said and ran away from him and he ran after me. I ran between groups of people and pass Hwanhee and Andy. I bumped into Eric who was talking to one of the coordinators. I finally stopped when I was stuck between a camera man and some filming that was going on.
“Tell me,” Junjin threatened. He was on the other side of the camera man. The man started to look at us weirdly. 
“No,”
“C’mon Jina. I really want to know,”
“So, I’m not going to tell you,” I crossed my arms across my chest. 
“Fine I wasn’t going to do this but you push me too far,” Junjin said. What was he going to do?
“Aaaaahhhhh,” I got me answer when I fell flat right on my butt. Ouch that hurts like a bitch. Junjin began to laugh. 
“I hate you!” I shouted at him as I got up. “Prepare to die” I stood up and started to run after him. Junjin ran to where they were filming. He ran right into the scene and I ran after him. 
“Hey, get out of here,” someone shouted at us.
“What the hell do you think you guys are doing?” It was Minwoo and he was not happy at all.
“Get him for me,” I shouted ignoring everyone else. 
“I got him for you,” Dongwan said holding onto Junjin. 
“Oh yeah time for revenge,” I said rubbing my hands and walking towards Junjin. 
“Who do you think you are?” Minwoo said standing in front of me. What the hell is he doing?
“Move it,” I hissed at him. 
“No,”
“Do you want a piece of me too?” I said shaking my fist at him. 
“Junjin you ruin the scene,” the director said “And you miss,” he said pointing at me. “Who the hell are you?”
“Someone who’s about to kick Junjin’s ass” I pushed both Minwoo and the director out of the way and went towards Junjin. No one pushes me down and gets away from it. Junjin got out of Dongwan’s hold and ran. I don’t think the director like us very much now. 
“Hey come back here,” the director shouted. “I’m not done with you,” I chased Junjin around the studio. Man this was tiring and I was out of shape too. All this running just to keep Hyesung’s secret? It wasn’t worth it. I stopped and walked the other way. In the end he’ll come after me. I began to walk back to where Hyesung was. He was having a fun time laughing at us. Everybody else just ignore us. 
“It’s not funny Hyesung,” I said pretending to be mad at him. 
“Sheesh Jina you go through all that just for me. You’re too sweet,” he said in between laughs. 
“Excuse me miss,” some girl came up to me.
“Yeah?”
“The director would like to see you,” she said.
“Tell him I’m busy or no tell him I left,” I said trying to think of something up.
“I can’t do that. He said I must get you or else I’m fired,”
“He’s just kidding with you,”
“I think she’s serious. This director is very strict but one of the best,” Hyesung said giving the go-or-you’ll-be-dead-soon look.
“Erm….I don’t want to,” I whined. I feel like a little kid who’s going to be in trouble. It can’t be that bad I mean he’s not my father and he has no power over me. I could leave if I want to.
“Fine,” the girl sighed. “I’ll go tell him” she then left.
“Where’s Hwanhee? I’m getting out of here,” I said. 
“I don’t know,” Hyesung shrugged. I began to look around the room for him and he was no where in sight. This was not good.
“Hey why did you stop running Jina,” Junjin said. I forgot I kept him running.
“You aren’t worth it Junjin and plus I can kick your ass later,” I said.
“Girl with the green eyes get over here now!” the voice of the director overpowered everything that was going on. 
“What should I do?” I looked towards Junjin and Hyesung.
“Go or else you’ll have an early death,” Hyesung said. I slowly walk my way over there.
“It’s not my fault. It’s all Junjin’s fault. He was the one that tripped me in the first place. Why am I even explaining myself to you? You can’t do anything to me. You have no authority over me. I’m leaving now,” I said all in one breath and began to turn to leave.
“STAY! You’re going to be in this video,” he stated. I froze at what he said.
“No…no…no….” I shake my head. “Cameras are not my things,”
“You ruin my set so you’re going to be in this video,” he said.
“Says who? I’m not a singer and I’m not even with the company so you can’t make me,” I lift my chin at him.
“You will do this video or I’ll have your cousin fired,” he threatened. This is not getting good at all.
“Fine, what do I have to do? Be Mrs. Santa Claus? Or do you want me to be an elf?” I said giving up.
“This is a love song miss we have nothing like that in there. Many of the fans of guy singers today get jealous when they see the girls singers in scenes with them. And we wouldn’t want to upset them. They are the reason why we make money. So you have to play the girl in this video because it just so happen the model we had is sick,” he explained. 
“Well I would be sick too if I had to make a video with these guys,” I said pointing to Shinhwa who were now looking at us.
“No complaints now. I need someone to get her dress up and add some make up too just a little though. I like her natural look. I need some extra lighting to make her eyes stand out,” he began to snap. Before I can protest even more I was grabbed by the arms and dragged into a room. 

Damn it feels like summer under these lights. When is this day going to be over? I should have stayed home. My poor garden is in need of desperate help and the laundry is going to be piled up tomorrow that’s for sure. This is all Junjin’s fault. Wait, no it’s Hyesung’s fault. I should have just told him. I wonder if I get pay for this. Thank God this is my last scene and unfortunately it’s with Minwoo. From what I’m hearing this song is about some girl who captivates every guy she meets. But no one can captivate her heart so she spends her Christmas all alone waiting for the right guy and blah blah blah. They put me in this one green dress that almost match the color of my eyes. It was a spaghetti strap. The top part fit snugly around me and it reach my ankle but had a slit on the right side that ran all the way up to my mid thigh. I had no matching shoes because I am to walk around the room bare footed. 
“Ok Minwoo you stand by the door way and Jina you’ll just do the same thing that you did with the other guys,” the director said. Minwoo went to stand at the door way and I on the opposite side of the room. The set was set up so that the door way was by a fire place and there was a long table that stretch across the room, kind of like a dinner table. I was to walk across the room towards Minwoo and once I reach him I was to touch my hands to his face and then let it run down to his chest. It was simple, very simple but I don’t think it will be. 
The music began to play and I slowly walked towards him. I looked him straight in the eye. The look in his eyes were different from the look he had in them for the last week. It wasn’t cold anymore. It had more warmth and intensity to it. It felt as it took me forever just to reach him and the whole time my heart was beating so fast I swear it was about to burst out of my chest. Why am I feeling this way? Once I reach him I lift up my right hand to his face and it was trembling. Funny, that didn’t happen to the others. This was different from the other Shinhwa members. I slowly touched his face and he closeed his eyes at my touch. I ran my hand down his neck and on to his chest. My eyes followed my hands. Once my hand fell off his chest I was suppose to lean my head on his shoulder. I didn’t mind being this close to the other guys but with him. I don’t know it just…I can’t even find a word for it. I lean my head towards his shoulder but I felt his hand take my chin. What? What is he doing? I look into his eyes trying to search for an answer. But before I knew it his lips were on mine and he softly kissed me. Wait a minute this isn’t part of the scene. What is he doing? I wanted to scream out.
“Wow! That was perfect and intense that is definitely going in the video now,” the director shouted breaking into my thoughts. I pulled away from Minwoo and looked down at the ground.
“No,” I quickly shouted and turned to see Minwoo’s reaction a but he had left already.
“Hey Jina how come I didn’t get a kiss?” Andy said coming towards me.
“I want a kiss too,” Eric said perking out his lips.
“Shut up,” I said marching out of the set and into my dressing room. This is not fun. 


Chp. 23

December 31, 2002 flight number 273 from Seoul, Korea to Los Angeles, CA, United States, departure time 11: 30 pm. That’s when I’m leaving. I secretly purchased the ticket a week ago when no one was around. I had six weeks to go. Six weeks until I was out of here. Six weeks until I had to face my father. I know it's wrong of me to hide that I'm leaving, but I don't to make a big deal out of it. I'd be gone from this city and I'd never come back. It's what I wanted the whole I was here, right? There was nothing here left for me. There was nothing holding me back. I had to go, it was a must. I had to face my father and obey my mother's will. 
I saw Brian and Susan the other day. Although she’s not that far along I can tell that her stomach is becoming rounder. They’re excited. They just heard the baby’s heart beat. I’m happy for them. I know that there will always be a part of me that is jealous of Susan but I’ve always been jealous of her my whole life. And yes it hurts a little to see them together but what can I do? Nothing really. Brian will always be the guy that broke my heart but to truly let go of someone you have to let them do what makes them happy. Eh? What is wrong with me? I’m getting all mush again. I’m going to stop.
Yet another night stuck at this house doing nothing. I’m getting use to this staying home by myself. I never thought in a million years I could handle it. But I survived. I don’t even know how I survived it. I guess nothing really held me back then. My father use to make threats to me about my curfew and such but he never followed through with it. They were just worlds he spat out to show that he had some authority over me. But when I was here I always had Hwanhee looking out for me. Sometimes he was worse than my father. But he actually cared for me. You could say that I obeyed him easily because he actually wanted me home. Unlike my father who never asked me to stay home with him. He never asked me to spend time with him. It was as if I was just there. He was so quick to get rid of me but yet he wanted to make sure he had some control over me. 
Maybe I’d go out tonight. Hwanhee was off with a so called business dinner with the big boss of SM Entertainment. No one was stopping me tonight. I’d go out tonight just for old time sake.
I walked downstairs to go find my victims who are taking me out tonight, Eric and Andy. Dongwan had his radio show to do and both Hyesung and Junjin are out with their girlfriends. Well I should say Hyesung is out with his fiancé. She said yes and he’s extremely happy. As for Minwoo, I don’t even want to go there.
Half-way down the stairs I hear that song again. Gosh it sends shivers down my spine every time I heart it. I’m going to have to slap Andy because I know it’s him who’s watching the music video. Thanksgiving isn’t even here yet and they’re already listening to Christmas songs. What am I talking about? They don’t celebrate Thanksgiving here in Korea. So no one really cares. But I hate that song every sing beat of it. When I reach the bottom of the stairs it was no surprise to me that Andy and Eric were in front of the TV glued to it. They were smiling and singing to the song. That just made me angrier. They knew I hate this song but they love it because they were excited that I was in it. I tried my best to convince the director that the scene between me and Minwoo would not go well with the music video but that jerk wouldn’t listen to me. The other Shinhwa guys acted as if the kiss was nothing but something playful between us. Which is so untrue. Of course I had no idea what it meant either because he didn’t bother to clue me in on what the heck was going on. 
“Hey look this is my favorite part,” Andy pointed to the screen.
“Mine too,” Eric smiled as their eyes stayed glue to the screen.
“Turn that rap off,” I bit at them. That scene always gets me piss off.
“Jina but it so beautiful,” Andy said and grabbed the remote before I could.
“No it’s not. It’s stupid and it’s dumb and it sucks and it’s meaningless,” I replied walking to the TV and turning it off.
“Awww Jina,” Eric whined.
“Hey lets…”
“Is that what you think of my kiss?” before I could finish my finish my sentence his cold voice interrupted me. Where the hell did he come from?
“What if I do?” I straightened my back and looked at him. 
“In that case there won’t be a next time,” he said looking me straight in the eyes.
“Humph like I would care,” I said lifting me chin. I wouldn’t. Would I?
“That’s it! You just don’t care. It means nothing to you,” his voice got louder. He began to become angry. Why should he be angry? 
“What the fuck are you talking about?” I shouted back at him. Why do I have the urge to choke him?
“That night we kiss and Hwanhee asked if he was interrupting something. Why did you say no?” he demanded an answer from me. I walked towards him until I was inches away from him.
“Why does it even matter to you? Huh? You have a fucking girlfriend. Go fuck with her and don’t come around here fucking with me putting thoughts into my head and driving me crazy,” I shouted at the top of my lungs. Argh! Why is so tense in here? 
“Driving you crazy? Ha!” he retorted “You’re the one that’s making me go crazy. I can’t figure you out anymore Jina. You act as if nothing happened between us!”
“Me? Act as if nothing happened between us?” I pointed to myself. “Ha!” I mocked him. “Who was the one that ran to his girlfriend after he was done kissing me huh? Who was the one that couldn’t acknowledge me the next morning huh? It was you! Damn it Minwoo! It was you!” I said giving him a little push.
“I never went to Hyori that night. I waited for you to follow me. I waited for you to chase after me. But you never came did you?” he gave me an accusing look. What the fuck?
“How the hell was I supposed to know I was to chase after you,” I threw my hands up in the air. So he never went to Hyori. What is that suppose to mean? Chase after him? Oh my gawd what is this guy talking about?
“If cared enough and if that kiss had meant anything you would have come?”
“Says who?”
“It’s part of the rules,”
“Rules? What freaken rules? Are they written down somewhere? Because I surely would like to see them,” I said pretending to look around.
“I can’t believe you,” Minwoo shook his head and gave a little chuckle. “This isn’t a joke,”
“I never said it was a joke and don’t try to make me look like the bad guy. You’re the one that kiss me twice and left,” I shouted at him. Arrrghhh why is he making me so crazy?
“So I’m the bad guy because the kisses mean more to me than it does to you?” he questioned me. “Well then get use to me running my back to you because I’m leaving,” he grabbed his jacket.
“Fine, run away like you always do. Runaway from your bitch, see if I care,” I shouted to him as he slammed the door causing the door to shiver.
“Arrrghhhh…” I let out and kicked the couch. That just brought on more pain.
“You guys kiss twice?’ Andy said. I shot both him and Eric daggers.
“That was intense,” Eric added.
“Shut up! We’re going out tonight!” I yelled at them and stomp up stairs. Right now I need to do something to cool me off. I need to get drunk.
“Arrgh that jerk. Gosh he is more confusing than a jigsaw puzzle. What the fuck does he mean it meant more to him? Gosh there he goes again driving me crazy. Argh I hate him. After that fight I deserve a beer or two,” I shouted to the air when I got into my room. 
I rummaged through my closet looking for something to wear. I pulled out a suede cream color mini skirt that I have never worn, a dark blue muscle tank, and my khaki trench coat that reached down to my knees. I put on the clothes and then my stocking and then my steel toe army boots that laced up four inches below my knees. I know you must be thinking I’m crazy for wearing a skirt in the middle of November but luckily it hasn’t snow in the last week. I finish tying my boots and tousled my hair then walked back down stairs.
“Damn Jina where have you been hiding that outfit?” Eric asked me as he looked me up and down.
“Anywhere, Now hurry up I want a drink,” I demanded. They quickly jumped to their feet at the tone of my voice.
“Minwoo really pissed her off this time,” Eric whispered to Andy.
“I heard that,” I turn around and gave him my evil look and he quickly shut up. 


At the club

“Ok sing it one more time for me boys,” I told Eric and Andy. We’ve been in the club for the last two hours drinking. I’m trying my best to get them both wickedly drunk, which I think I’m accomplishing so far. I had a couple of drinks myself too but no harm done there. 
“O….k….on…the….co.uuuuunnt….ooooooofff…threeeeeeeee,” Andy slurred holding up three fingers.
“Ok one two …..”
“The wheels on the bus goes round and round round and round round and round the wheels on the bus goes round and round all through the town,” they both sang before I could count to three. Those boys are wasted but that doesn’t mean I can’t drink.
“Guys I need another drink. I’ll be back,” I told them getting up.
“Don’t worry we’ll be right her for ya!” Eric said pointing at me and then winking. I shook my head at him 
I made my way to the bar. Some people were giving me looks I didn’t know if it was because they recognized me or because of my eyes. I didn’t care my destination was the bar. I leaned on the bar with the side of my shoulders.
“Get me a bottle of Soju,” I said to the bartender. I gotta say soju is not the best tasting thing on earth but it does the work if you want to get rid of things on your mind. And I definitely want to get rid of him. Ugh…I hate myself for even thinking about him at a time like this. Why can’t he just leave me alone? Damn him! I can’t even get drunk in peace without thinking of him.
“So what’s on your mind tonight?” someone asked me. Argh is that suppose to be a pick up line? I look up to face Taehyung. Argh even his brother is haunting me. I made eye contact with him then he started to scan me up and down.
“You’re lookin fine tonight especially those eyes,” he said and stroked my cheeks with his index finger.
“Don’t make me break that finger of yours,” I threatened him. I was not up for this.
“Whoa feisty! I like that,” he said getting closer to me.
“Here’s your drink miss,” the bartender said as he handed me the drink.
“Thank you,” I took a gulp of the soju and then turned to look at Taehyung. He wasn’t all that bad looking. He doesn’t look much like his brother though. I only see a small resemblance. He was dress in a black baggy jeans, a big black jean jacket and a white shirt underneath. He also hand on black bandana. I’m guessing he likes the color black. 
“You want more of this,” I said looking down at myself. What am I doing this is Minwoo’s brother? Why did I just say that? Wait my purpose was to get my mind off Minwoo. And his brother might just help me out with that. 
“Are you offering it?” he asked.
“Depends on what you got to offer me?” I said setting my Soju back on the bar and grabbing his hand I led him to the dance floor. 
They played one of those trance songs I couldn’t tell because I was too focus on Taehyung. He wasn’t such a bad dancer but not as good as his brother. Aish why is he coming back into my mind again? Get out! Get out! Get out! We continued to dance and things started to get t a little freaky when he started moving his hand up and down my thighs. 
“I don’t think so,” I slapped them away. I don’t know how long we dance but we were out there for awhile when one of his men came up to us.
“Boss we got to get out of here,” the guy said and then he whispered something into Taehyung’s ear.
“Damn girl, sorry to disappoint you but I gotta run,” he sounded disappointed.
“Take me with you,” I said. What?! Did I just say? He gave me a weird and shocking look.
“You want to come along?” he questioned.
“Um….” Do I want to go along? Fuck! Hell yeah I do! Minwoo was probably off fucking Hyori. Why can’t I have some fun myself? “Yes I do,” I answered.
He gave me a big grin, “Let’s go then,” he grabbed my hand and dragged me out of the club. But before I left I made my way back to the table I was sitting with Andy and Eric. Surprisingly they weren’t there. They’re probably busy with some girl. I took my trench coat and left. They’ll be ok without me.
We went to a near by alley where his motorcycle and gang buddies were waiting for him. I just knew that Taehyung was a bad boy. It weird though. You would have thought a bad girl like me would at least go out with a bad boy once but I never did. The only kind relationship I ever had was with Brian and he was a goody two shoe just like Susan. The baddest guy in my town back in the states was the fifty-five year old mechanic at the motorcycle shop downtown. I was beginning to find this very attractive. I wonder what Minwoo would think. Arghh…there I go again. GET OUT ALREADY!
“Here wear this,” he handed me his helmet.
“No I hate helmets,” I said, handing it back to him.
“We don’t want to ruin that pretty little head of yours,” he said patting me on the head.
“Who said it wasn’t ruined already?” I said.
He gave a hearty laugh, “I’m beginning to like you,” he pointed at me. We got on the bike. He wore the helmet and I let my hair run wild. Gosh it feels so good to be on a bike again. I haven’t had this feeling since that night a long time ago. It felt good but the cold wind brushed up against my nude legs which made me colder. I held onto Taehyung a little bit tighter. He didn’t seem to mind. I wonder where we are going. But wherever it must be important because he seem to be in a rush. His gang buddies were following behind us. 
“Where are we going?” I shouted. He probably couldn’t hear me because of his helmet but who cares. I got my answer when we stop in front of an old building. It looked as if it needed a major make over. I got off the bike and stared up at the tall building. I have no idea which part of the city we were in. 
“Hey you stay out here. I gotta take care of something real fast,” he said without a real explanation, he left into the building with his buddies. Any normal girl who was in a situation like mine would stay, but I’m not a normal girl. I’m a nosy one, who had a couple of soju’s tonight. So when the last guy enter the building I waited a couple of minutes before I entered. I really wanted to know what he was up to. What this the kind of life that cause so much pain to his family? What he did…is it worth having you’re family disown you?
I walked into the building and everything seem t be pitch black. I heard some foot steps coming for the floor above so I carefully climbed the stairs making sure I wouldn’t make any noises. The only thing I saw when I got to the second floor was a light at the end of the hall way. And I also heard some voices coming from there. What is he up to? I’m so glad all those years sneaking back into the house has finally come in handy. I made zero noise walking from one end of the hall to another. 
When I did reach the end of the hall the door to the room was slightly open. I could see a man sitting at a desk and Taehyung was standing in front of him. His gang buddies where around him too. They seem as if they were about to go at it with the guy sitting at the desk. I hope this doesn’t get messy. I don’t want to be cleaning it up. 
“Who the hell are you?” I felt the cold metal against my temples. Fuck! What the hell did I get myself into?



Chp. 24

“Who the hell are you?” I said trying to hide the quiver in my voice. All my life I have face life threatening situation but none that actually involved a gun, unless you count the guns the cops carried. This was getting too dangerous. 
“Get in there,” the guy shoved me in to the room where Taehyung and the rest of the gang were. 
“I thought I told you to stay outside,” Taehyung scowled at me.
“I suck at following directions,” I made up an excuse.
“Who do we have here? A friend?” the guy from behind the desk said as he came around and examined me. 
“No one important,” I answered. 
“I have seen you before. Those eyes where have I seen those before?” he said looking straight into them.
“Boss she’s that girl in that Shinhwa video,” one of his guys said.
“So you’re that girl everyone’s been talking about,” he said taking his finger and stroking my cheek. People talking about me?
“Don’t touch me,” I hissed at him.
“Why not? I’m sure you’re use to being touch. After all you’ve probably slept with Taehyung and his brother,” the guy accused me.
“What the hell are you talking about?” I said confused and then I look to Taehyung and then it dawn on me. For a moment there I forgot that Minwoo and Taehyung were brothers. Who the hell does this guy think he is accusing me of being a slut?
“Don’t act as if you don’t know anything. You’re just another of Taehyung’s sluts,” the guy said walking back to his seat.
“I’m sorry but we aren’t talking about your mother here,” I insulted him. I must have hit a soft spot because his face turned red and he looked even angrier.
“You bitch! Who the hell is she Taehyung? Is she part of your plan too?” the guy shouted at him.
“She’s just a girl I picked up,” Taehyung explained.
“A girl that also happened to be in your brother’s music video,” he said suspiciously.
“Yes,” Taehyung said.
“I don’t believe you. I heard from credible sources that there is going to be a set up at the race next week and you are going to be involve,” the guy pointed at Taehyung. What are they talking about? What race? As I remember it Minwoo said Taehyung was in a motorcycle gang so does this mean a motorcycle race? If I didn’t feel as if my life was in danger I would stick around and listen to this but I need to get out of here. I don’t want to get involve, Hwanhee would definitely kill me.
“Why don’t you trust me after all these years? After all that I did for you you still don’t trust me at all,” Taehyung shouted back. 
“You disappointed me many times,” the guy laced his fingers and leaned over the desk, “I can’t trust you anymore,” he said.
“Taehyung something doesn’t feel right,” one of his guys said to him. Taehyung began to look around the room. What is he looking for?
“Hosuk you’re a smart guy! Something isn’t right,” on cue the guys around us all pulled out guns. I swallowed the lump in my throat. I have no idea what to do. What am I suppose to do? Somebody help me! I literally screamed in my head. 
“I know you’re going to set me up Taehyung. I’m a smart guy I’m always one step ahead of you,” he walked back towards us again. “How can you betray me like that? I thought we were like brothers?” the guy gently slapped him on the cheeks. What the heck? This is just getting all to confusing to me. I really just wanted to get out of here. 
“I didn’t do anything,” Taehyung said.
“Liar!” the guy shouted almost shattering the windows and making me jump a little.
“Seung-Hun let me explain,” Taehyung plead. Why is he weakening now? Isn’t he supposed to be tough? Compare to this guy Taehyung look like he could take out this guy within five seconds.
“You can explain while you’re locked up in a dark room,” Seung-Hun all of a sudden lifted up a gun and pointed it at Taehyung. Oh shit this is not looking good. What the fuck am I suppose to do now? I must not panic. I must act cool and calm and then maybe they’ll let me go. I hope to God they do. 
“Don’t do this Seung-Hun. What about the race? You need me for the race,” Taehyung tried to crawl his way out of this. 
“Actually I’ve been thinking that maybe your brother can race for me. I’ve seen him before he isn’t so bad,” Seung-Hun said still pointing the gun at Taehyung. I saw Taehyung tighten up at the mention of his brother.
“Hahahahahahahahahaha….” I began to laugh. I have no idea why I am laughing maybe it’s just a way for me to not be so scared. Everyone started to give me that is-she-crazy-or-what- look.
“Do you mind sharing what is so funny?” Seung-Hun turned to me. 
“Minwoo race? Minwoo couldn’t race a turtle if his life depended on it,” I chuckled. I actually believe Minwoo is a great rider but I don’t want him involve in this. I don’t even want to be involved in this. But it seems that this Seung-Hun guy thinks I’m part of a set up. I have to deal with this by myself because I brought this upon myself. Didn’t I? Why do I always have to go do crazy and stupid things when I’m upset especially when it comes to guys? Am I ever going to learn?
“What if your life depended on it?” Seung-Hun said stopping my laughter.
“My life?” I arched an eyebrow at him.
“Yes your life and Taehyung’s,” Seung-Hun said. He was serious.
“Our lives are probably the last lives Minwoo wants to save,” I gave a little snort.
“It is?” Taehyung gave me a confused look.
“Yes it is?” I enunciated each word trying to give him the hint to shut up.
“You don’t seem so sure about that,” Seung-Hun gave me a suspicious look.
“Well I am. Minwoo could care less about us,”
“I am pretty sure he will care. Either way he’s going to race for me if he wants to stay alive,” Seung-Hun said. This guy must be desperate. Something is really wrong with him.
“I’ll race for you,” I offered. What the hell am I doing?
“Hahahahahahaha…” the whole room busted out laughing.
“Well for your information I raced against both Minwoo and Taehyung before and I left them kissing the dirt,” I began to get cocky. It was the truth though. 
“Are you really that good?” Seung-Hun said walking up close to me and looked me in the eyes.
“Hell yeah I am,” I crossed my arms across my chest.
“Prove it then,” he said and pulled out a key from his pockets. He dangled them in front of me and I quickly grabbed it. 
“Where to?” I asked.
“Follow me,” Seung-Hun said and like good little boys and girls we followed him. 
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Taehyung whispered in to my ears. I could tell he was annoyed and also afraid.
“I’m going to have my self a little race,” I answered him. We followed Seung-Hun to the back alley where we were before. His men had their guns pointed at us so we couldn’t make a run for it. I hope those couple of drinks won’t effect me now. 
“This is how it’s going to work. You,” he pointed at me, “I don’t even know your name,”
“Why how rude of me? Between having a gun pointed at my head and being called a slut I forgot to tell you my name,” I said sarcastically. “It’s Jina,” 
“Jina,” he said my name and gave me an annoyed look, “take this bike here and you’ll race against ……” he looked around, “Hosuk. Taehyung is going to stay right by my side so I can keep an eye on him. It’s very simple first one to go around the block and back wins,” the said rubbing his hands together. 
“Of course this is going to be simple,” I said as I tied the strings of my trench coat around me and got on the bike.
“And don’t even try to escape or else I’ll blow his brains out,” Seung-Hun said pointing a gun at Taehyung’s head. Ugh….my plan was already ruin. Why doesn’t Taehyung do anything? Doesn’t he know how to kick some ass? He just lets this guy push him around like it’s nothing. I have to do this now just to save his life. He’s lucky I was around who would know where he would be right now if I haven’t come along. From what I see Taehyung was scared of this guy. He must be ruthless. 
“Are you ready Hosuk?” I asked him. He didn’t turn to me but to Taehyung to see what he should do. Taehyung nodded his head and Hosuk got on his bike. 
“Let’s do this,” Hosuk clapped his hands together. 
We both started our bikes and waited for someone to signal us to go. To tell you the truth I’m scared out of my wit. But things like this just give me a bigger rush and motivates me. I hope I can prove to this guy that I could race against anyone. It’s time I take care of my own responsibilities like my father always said. It’s just like me to listen to my father at a time like this. 
“Go,” I heard someone shout. Hosuk left before I did. Shiet! Now I have to catch up to him. The street wasn’t lighted up that well only a couple of streets lights were up but they didn’t help much. The only light that was leading me was the light of the motorcycle. Damn this thing was fast. I soon caught up to Hosuk. On our first turn we were side by side and by the second turn I was leading him. When I reach the third turn I was well ahead of him. Is he that slow or is he doing this on purpose? I finally saw the finish line or so to speak. When I got there Seung-Hun was shock to see me. I gave him a big grin. I just love getting that look from guys. 
“Point proven,” I said turning off the engine and hopping off the bike. 
“It makes me wonder why someone like you would want to race,” Seung-Hun said walking up to me. 
“I was born to ride,” was all I said.
“I can see that,” he said. He was now inches away from my face and looking straight into my eyes. What is he up to? He better not touch me again I don’t want his filthy hands on me. “This is how it’s going to work. One week from now you’ll meet me here at the same place and from there on I’ll give you instructions on what to do,” he said.
“And what if I don’t show up?” 
“Then you can say bye to Taehyung right now,” he said pointing his gun to Taehyung. What a jerk! He thinks he’s pretty tough with that gun.
“She doesn’t care about me. So your threats don’t make a difference. She doesn’t even like me. Let me race Seung-Hun forget about her,” Taehyung sounded desperate.
“Shut Up!” Seung-Hun hit Taehyung with the gun. Taehyung was about to jump on Seung-Hun but he didn’t.
“Ok fine with me as long as you provide the bike of course I want to check it out first. Next week same time, same place,” I said throwing him the key. 
“Don’t forget you say anything to anyone about this. Taehyung here is dead,” Seung-Hun threatened me.
“It is true what he said. I could care less if Taehyung dies or not. I’m just doing this for fun. I haven’t been racing for awhile now. I’m getting kind of rusty,” I said.
“Racing? For awhile?” he questioned.
“I’m not your ordinary girl.” I said. “Now can I go home?” 
“Hosuk take her home. I’ll deal with Taehyung,” Seung-Hun stated. I knew as long as I don’t say anything about this Taehyung would be safe. I have to put my trust in this guy. I don’t want Taehyung hurt even though I barely knew the guy. I have to find out more about what is going on. I knew I’m probably digging my own grave but I have to do this. 
I got on the bike and directed Hosuk to my house. Once I got off I turned to Hosuk and said, “What’s really going on?”
“I can’t say,” he turned back on the motorcycle.
“C’mon Hosuk, I’m in this as much as you are now,” I tried to get it out of him.
“I can’t say but you should have never gotten yourself involved,” he said and drove off.
Damn it! I guess I’m on my own. Whoa wait a minute! What the hell did I just get myself into? I’m always finding trouble. Gosh I am so stupid. It’s too late to back out of this now. I walked towards the door.
“Watch it?” I don’t think my night can get any worst. I just happened to bump into Minwoo. And he smelt of too much alcohol. From the looks of it he was totally wasted.
“Just open the door,” I said. Minwoo pulled out his keys but he could barely hold on to it and they dropped. How the hell did he even get home? I bent down to pick them up and he happened to do the same too.
“I got them,” he said and gave me a little shoved.
“What the fuck?” I said as I landed right on my ass.
“How does it feel to be down?” Minwoo said looking down at me.
“Like this bitch,” I said as I kicked his leg out under him. It didn’t make me feel any better because he fell right on top of me.
“You smell like tires,” he said half eye closed looking at me.
“Well you smell like a drunk. Get off me!” I pushed him off me causing him to bump against the door. 
“Oh so you want to get violent huh?” Minwoo said getting up. Before I knew it Minwoo had grabbed me by the shoulders, turned me around and push me against the door. Did he have to hold my shoulders so hard? They hurt now. I didn’t need this from him right now.
“What do you want?” I shouted at him. He snapped his head up and looked at me straight in the eyes.
“I want you! Damn it!” he banged both of his fisted hands against the door and I closed my eyes shut at his angered voice. Why was he doing this to me? What the hell does he mean? I don’t even know what to do? He wants me? I don’t know what to say.
“Aren’t you going to say something? Aren’t you even going to do something? Damn it Jina! What the hell is wrong with you? Say something?” he practically was making me deaf and has probably wakened up a couple of our neighbors. The look in his eyes were so violent and it was scaring me. It was worst than the time I stole his bike and crashed it. 
“Get the hell away from me Minwoo,” I said just in time for the door to be open by Hwanhee who gave us a suspicious look. I pushed pass Hwanhee and ran upstairs. He wants me? HE wants ME? Minwoo WANTS me? Oh God I hate to admit it but I want him too but I just can’t. It’s just too much for me. I’m not ready for it. I’ll never be ready for it. Oh God please just let me survive the next month and I’ll be out of here.

Chp. 25


“Jina where are you going?” Hwanhee asked me.
I turned to him and said, “I’m taking out the trash,”
“It’s freezing outside you need to put on a jacket,” He dried the last of the dishes that we just finished using up for dinner and headed upstairs to get me a jacket. It was snowing earlier but now it has stopped. There’s about six inches of snow on the ground I hope it doesn’t effect the race tomorrow. I calculated it and I figure out I have a fifty percent chance of surviving the race. Which isn’t all great? I’ve only ridden in the rain two times and that wasn’t my choice. I survived that but I don’t know about this because it’s snowing. But this is me the fearless Jina who does stupid stuff all the time. It’s no biggie. Right?
“Here you go,” Hwanhee said handing me my jacket. 
“Thanks,” I said putting my arm into the sleeves.
“And here’s a scarf and a hat. Oh and don’t forget the mittens,” Hwanhee said slapping on each of the clothing piece. 
“Jeez Hwanhee I’m not five years old I can but on my own clothes,” I said fixing my hat.
“I don’t want you getting sick again,” Hwanhee said adjusting my scarf.
“I’ll be fine,” I said. I took the trash and head out the door. It was dark and cold outside. Thank goodness there was no wind. I’m not use to this kind of weather. 
“Jinaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” someone shouted my name. What the fuck? It was Andy and he was running this way.
“I thought you guys went somewhere?” I asked him as he approached me. 
“No we decided not to,” Andy said. 
“Then where are the rest of the guys?” I said looking around.
“Shhhh….we’re having a fight,” Andy said putting his finger to his lip.
“What kind of *clunk* what the…” someone just threw snow at me. 
“A snow fight,” Andy answered my questioned.
“Ooopps Jina I’m so sorry,” Eric said from behind a bush.
“Sorry? Is that all you have to say. You punk!” I shouted running towards him. 
“It was an accident. It was supposed to hit Andy,” Eric said running away from me.
“Hahahaha you’re in deep shit now Eric,” Andy laughed. 
I began to chase Eric around in the front yard. This was pretty fun.
“Aaaahhhhh don’t step on me,” someone said. It was coming from the ground in front of me. 
“What the…” I look down to see Junjin, Hyesung, and Dongwan in the process of making snow angels. 
“Hi Jina,” Dongwan said giving me a big grin.
“Look what you have done Jina. My angel looks like it’s been kicked in the ass,” Hyesung said looking down on his angel. I made a little foot print on it and now he was bitching about it. 
“Hahahaha whoa that does look funny,” Eric had stopped and looked at the angel.
“My angel is handsome,” Junjin said putting his right hand on his chin examining his angel.
“Handsome my butt,” I said pushing him aside. My target was still Eric. Eric being the smooth guy he is moved away behind Dongwan.
“Dongwan get him for me,” I whined and pointed at Eric.
“Now Eric how many times do I have to remind you not to mess around with my girl Jina?” Dongwan said holding up his fist.
“Hey why are you listening to her? I’m older you have to listen to me,” Eric said backing away.
“But you’re not s pretty as her,” Dongwan pinched his cheeks.
“Wait Dongwan, maybe he is prettier than me if you add some long hair and a dress,” I joked and began to laugh. 
“You got that right girlfriend,” Eric snapped his fingers and said in a girly tone. Hyesung, Dongwan, Junjin, and Andy all gave him a weird look.
“Eric you would make an ugly girl,’ Hyesung said.
“Oh and you would make a better one?” Eric questioned him.
“Of course I would. I got the bone structure,” Hyesung said touching his cheeks. Sometimes I wonder if these guys do swing the other way.
*clunk* “Oooopps that was suppose to hit Hyesung,” Eric said after he had thrown a snowball at me. Now my scarf was filled with ice cold soft snow.
“That’s it! You’re dead!” I said picking up some snow and rolling it into a ball. I threw it at Eric hitting him in the face.
“What? Is that all you got?” Eric challenged me.
“No I got more,” I said beginning on my next snowball. We began out snowball fight. Eric, having a bad aim began to hit Hyesung and the rest of the guys with the snowball so they joined us too. It was every man or in this case woman too, for themselves. It was fun playing around with them. 
“This is for all those times you made me wash you orange boxers,” I said throwing a snowball at Junjin from behind the bush.
“They are not orange, they’re tangerine color. Get that straight,” Junjin said hiding behind the van.
“They’re still orange,” I yelled back.
“Jina! Help! Get Dongwan for me!” Andy screamed running towards me.
“Dongwan don’t mess with my boy,” I said throwing a snowball towards him. He was standing by the front door and the trash bag that I never took out. Just then the door open and the snowball struck Hwanhee right in the face.
“Oh my gawd Hwanhee I’m so sorry,” I said getting out f the bushes and running towards him. 
“That is so cold Jina,” Hwanhee said shaking the snow off, “So cold, and I thought you loved me too,” Hwanhee pretended to wipe away a tear.
“Oh quit it,” I slapped him on his harm.
“Sheesh you’re so violent,” Hyesung said as he walked toward us. His face was so pink I swore it looked like he was wearing blush.
“You got that right,” Junjin rubbed his chest as he walked towards us.
“That’s why you don’t mess with me,” I lifted a fist at them.
“Yeah Jina is the strongest,” Andy added.
“Not as strong as this,” Dongwan flexed his biceps.
“Psh…that’s just cotton from you jacket,” Eric said popping out of nowhere.
“You’re just jealous,” Dongwan stuck his tongue out at him. Eric stuck his tong back at him.
“Gosh you guys can be such little boys,” I rolled my eyes at them.
“If you guys are all here then where is Minwoo?” Hwanhee asked. All six pairs of eyes stared at me.
“What?! What are you guys looking at?” I gave them the evil look.
“We just thought maybe you’ll know where he is?” Hyesung said matter-of-factly.
“Yeah, he’s been out late for the last five nights. And he hasn’t told anyone where he is going,” Hwanhee sounded worried.
“Why would I know where he is? I don’t know what the hell is going on with him anymore,” I practically shouted.
“Well ever since that fight um…” Eric hesitated.
“Forget about that fight. I don’t want to talk about it,” I said becoming angrier.
“How could we? It changed you and Minwoo,” Andy said.
“Something is going on between you guys,” Hyesung stated.
“Yes there is something going on and don’t deny it Jina. We feel it every time the two of you guys are in a room together,” Junjin explained. 
Is it that obvious?
“We want to help you guys,” Dongwan sincerely said.
“Help?! HA! You can help by dropping the subject,” I said trying to push Hwanhee aside so I could get into the house and away from these guys.
“We’re worried about you and Minwoo,” Hwanhee said.
“Well don’t. I don’t need you to be worried about me. I don’t need you to care about me. I don’t need you to get up in my business. I don’t need you guys so just leave me alone,” I shouted pushing pass Hwanhee and running up the stairs.
“Fuck Minwoo, where are you?!” I shouted as I slammed the door. 


In the middle of the night

It’s all a dream. I knew it was just a dream, another one of my nightmares. The dream was no different from the others. I was still in the dark deep cold water. I was pulling away front the surface and the water was drowning me again but this time I could swim. I swam through the darkness of the water when a hand covers my mouth from behind making it hard for me to breathe. Another hand wrapped around my waist. I struggled to get out of the grip but I couldn’t and that’s when I saw a head less body floating up on the surface. I wanted to scream but I couldn’t. The hands finally let go of me and I turned around to see who was holding me. Although it was only a dream I wish I hadn’t turned around. There stood the headless body and in its left hand it was holding the head. It was the head of Seunghun, the guy from the other day.
I woke up sweating even though the house was probably fifty degrees. Someone turned off the heater again. I couldn’t even scream I was too scared. My body began to shake uncontrollably and I began to hug myself. I wrapped the blanket around me and rocked back and forth trying to comfort myself but I wasn’t helping at all. I know something bad is going to happen. Something always does. FUCK! I’m so afraid now. I’m so afraid something was going to happen at the race. I knew it wasn’t a good idea. I continued to shake violently. Nothing was helping me. I needed a cigarette. I don’t know how I did it but I got out of bed and put on my robe. My legs were shaking just waiting to quit on me anytime now. I slowly walked down the hall to Hyesung’s room. I knew he’ll have some for sure even though Sidney had told him to quit.
My hand shook as I opened his door. He was sound asleep on his bed. I sat at the edge of his bed before I opened the drawer. Gosh this dream shook me up a lot. With my shaky hands I tried to open the drawer but I couldn’t even get a grip of the handle. The second time I got it and began to rummage through the drawer.
“Jina?” I heard Hyesung whispered. I turn to look at him.
“Hye..s..s…sung,” my voice shook and the tears I didn’t even know were there, began to fall. Hyesung took me in this arms and I crawled into them and underneath the blanket. I wrapped my arms around him as he began to rock me back and forth. It was comforting and soothing but it didn’t feel…it didn’t feel…like…it didn’t feel like it does when I’m in Minwoo’s arms.
“Shhh….it’s okay. Everything is going to be alright,” Hyesung tried to calm me down. 
“No it’s not. How can you say that? It’s never ok with me,” I tried to shout at him but it only came out as a whisper.
“What’s wrong?” Hyesung asked. If this was Minwoo he would had known that I had a bad dream.
“Everything. Everything is just wrong,” I said still crying. 
“I don’t know what is going on with him,” Hyesung suddenly said.
I knew who he was talking about. “He’s been acting strange lately, “ he continued, “And I know it’s probably because of you. I think he loves you Jina,” He stopped and waited for a reaction.
I didn’t know what to say it couldn’t be true, “No, no,” I shook my head. “He doesn’t love me. He has Hyori,” 
“He broke up with Hyori a week ago. He told me,” Hyesung explained. Now I was totally speechless.
“But that doesn’t mean anything,” I tried to deny what he was saying.
“It means a lot especially since its Hyori, a girl he loved very much,” Hyesung said.
“Hyesung are you awake?” someone said from the door. We both turned to see who it was. It was Minwoo. I’m not a very lucky person at all. He looked so tired. This time I couldn’t even breathe at all. We just look at each other. I was so shock I couldn’t even move. I stared at Minwoo and looked at him in the eyes. I didn’t like what I saw in them. He look so hurt and wounded. I saw so much pain in them. What is he thinking? Please don’t get the wrong idea. 
“Sorry,” he said and closed the door.
“Wait,” Hyesung and I both said. I quickly got out of his arms and tired to walk to the door but my knees decided to go weak on me and I fell.
“Jina are you okay?” Hyesung said coming to my side.
“No I’m not,” I said pounding the floor, “What if he thought we did something?”
“I’ll explain,”
“Did you see that look on his face?” I ignored his remark.
“Yes I did. This is going to be very hard to explain,” Hyesung said.




Chp. 26

I’ve done many stupid things in my life. I’ve drove a few people crazy well actually I drove a lot of people crazy. I’ve gotten into trouble countless times and I’ve screwed the world over like it screwed me. But I have to say this is on the top of the list when it comes to doing stupid things. And it’s probably one of the biggest risks I’m ever going to take. I know I’m crazy and stupid and should be slap around a couple of times for doing this. But I’m doing this because sitting right in front of me is the guy whose life I’m going to save. I don’t know much about him at all but I feel a sense of obligation to do so. I don’t know why though I just do. 
Last night was a sleepless night for me after the whole incident with Minwoo. Hyesung told me that he told Minwoo but it seemed as if Minwoo didn’t really cared at all. Minwoo loves me? Yeah right, he doesn’t give a shit. I should be asleep right now but I’m not. Hyesung also told Hwanhee that I was a little shaken up so he ordered me to stay in bed all day. I didn’t like that at all. Finally the time came around to come and meet Seung Hun and I did. I had to sneak out or else Hwanhee would have a big fit about it. No one knows I’m here which is a good thing because they would kill me if they found out I was doing this.
I’m so afraid that something is going to go wrong in this race. Everything will probably go wrong knowing my luck. I can’t shake off that feeling. Seunghun said that they cleared the road so it won’t be so bad but its still isn’t going to help. I don’t know exactly how it’s going to look like. Seunghun was going to give me a tour of the track before I race. It’s out in the country side and that’s why I’m here sitting across from Taehyung and waiting for to get there. It’s an underground race so it’s best to have it out in the country. 

“You can still back out,” Taehyung said taking me out of my thoughts. 
“You know I’m not going to,” I replied back.
“Why not?” he questioned me and before I could answer he said, “Don’t try to be a hero and save my life. I don’t need that from you. I can’t let you risk your life for mine,”
“I’ve risk my life plenty of times before. This is just another one of those times,” I said and turned to look out the window. It had stopped snowing hours ago. 
“You can’t do this. You might not survive. And I can’t have that kind of burden on me,” he said worriedly. 
“This is my choice not yours, just remember that if anything happens out there,” I said.
“He’ll kill me,” Taehyung whispered.
“Seunghun?” I questioned, “No he won’t. I’m going to save your life,” I said proudly.
“Not Seunghun, but Minwoo,” he looked me straight in the eyes. We just stared at each other for awhile. I didn’t want to hear his name tonight at all. I didn’t say anything back to Taehyung.
“I know if anything happens to you. He’ll kill me,” Taehyung stated.
“He doesn’t care about me,” I said turning away from him and once again staring out the window. 
“Hahahahaha…,” he began to laugh, “Those jaded eyes of yours are making you blind,”
I raised an eyebrow at him. 
“He loves you, anyone can tell,” he said.
“How would you know? And how can you even tell you’ve never seen us together? When we’re together there is so much tension between us,”
“I’ve been watching,” he said.
“What are you a spy?” I was getting irritated.
“I’ve watch over my brother these last couple of years. And I gotta say you have kept a hold on his heart. He loves you and you love him,” he stated.
“Ha!” I snorted at him, “Love doesn’t exist in my book,”
“Why not?”
“I gave up on love a long time ago. I have it all figure out. I wasn’t meant to be loved at all. Love exists for everyone else but me. It only cause me pain. I asked for love from my father but he didn’t give me any. I asked for love from my sister but she only gave me hatred. I asked for love from my step-mom but she gave me a cold shoulder. I asked for love from my ex-boyfriend but he only played around with me. I asked for love from my mom but she’s dead. Love is dead. I don’t believe in it. And like your brother said I got a jaded heart to go along with my jaded eyes. Jaded hearts aren’t like broken hearts, jaded hearts can’t be fixed,” I explained. 
“That has to be the stupidest thing I’ve heard in a long time,” Taehyung looked at me unbelievably. 
“You know what I feel like opening this door and kicking you out of this limo,” I said putting my hand on the door handle when the limo stopped.
“We’re here,” Taehyung said about to get up. 
“Lucky for you,” I snapped at him and open the door. 
“Did you enjoy the ride?” Seunghun said coming up to us and putting his arm around me.
“Not as much as I would have liked to,” I said moving his arms from around my shoulders. 
“Awww is Taehyung bothering you,” Seunghun asked.
“Well actually both of you guys are bothering me. Now can we get this party started,” I said looking around. We were in a mountainous area. The road were cleared and the snow was pushed to the side. It was dark but you could see the snow on top of the mountains that stood off in the distance. Several evergreen trees stood around us. We weren’t alone there were about an estimated a hundred people around. They were probably as dirty as Seunghun were. A couple of hundred yards away was a warehouse and from the looks of it that’s where the bikes were. 
“I signed you in already. We’ll go on a tour of the track,” Seunghun said grabbing my arm and dragging me.
“Hey be gentle,” I yelled at him. 
This wasn’t your typical race track. One thing was that it was out in the rural area so we had to go around mountains which were more like hills though. We had to race for four miles: two miles south and then two miles back up north. At one point we would have to cross a bridge. It was about a quarter mile long. I don’t like the idea of that. I hate bridges. And there was water below it, which makes it even worse. There’s a lot of twist and turn in the road, which makes every move I make even more risky. I’m going to have to pray to a lot of gods if I want to survive this. 
After the tour of the track Seunghun took me to the warehouse to take a look at the bike. It was an exact duplicate of Minwoo’s bike, the one I destroyed, but instead it was in a red color. 
“Here wear this,” Seunghun threw me an outfit. It was a red leather pants with several strip of reflectors on it, a white thermal, and a red leather jacket with black wolf on the back. 
“I don’t do leather,” I said to him.
“It’s that or nothing at all,” Seunghun offered me my options.
“Fine where can I change into this?” I asked.
“Go change in the car,” he said.
“Wow how convenient,” I said sarcastically and began to walk to the limo. Taehyung followed me. “I can dress myself,” I said.
“I know you can. I just want to make sure no one opens it,” he said.
“I can lock it from the inside,”
“You need extra protection,” he said. We reach the limo and Taehyung began to look around as if he was looking for someone. It was suspicious. I shrugged it off and went into the limo. I quickly put on the outfit and got out. Shit! It was cold as hell!
“Red is really your color,” Taehyung said.
“Thanks,” I said. He was actually nice but he still looked worried.
“Let’s go,” he practically dragged me back to the warehouse. 
“Here’s your helmet and the keys. You’ll be racing against four other people. If you get into any kind of trouble there’s a walkie-talkie in this bag right here,” Seunghun pointed to a bag hanging in the back of the bike. “I’m sure you know how to work this baby. Win this race and you’ll save his life and I even have some cash in it for you,” Seunghun smiled at me.
“Keep the money to yourself I don’t need it,” I said putting on my matching helmet.
“Fine more for me then but only if you win this race,” he said patting my back tire.
“I’ll win it. Don’t worry,” I said through my helmet. Usually I don’t like to wear helmets when I’m riding a bike but I just want to be on the safe side. I pushed the bike out to the starting line. The other racers were already there. The first guy on the right was dress in a yellow outfit similar to mine, the second guy was dress in a black outfit, the third a blue out fit and the last guy was dressed in white with a red dragon on his back. When I started to pull my bike towards the line people started to whisper and point at me. What was wrong with them? Haven’t they ever seen a girl in a race before?
I started the engine and waited for the signal to start. It’s only four miles I can beat these guys. At the sound of the gun shot we were off like speeding bullets. The guy in the black was a head, followed by me and the guy in the white with the red dragon, we were side by side. The first turn was coming up soon. It’s not a sharp turn but with these conditions it would be harder. It wasn’t that cold anymore since I’ve started racing. Racing gets the blood flowing and the adrenalin going so it warms you up. On the first turn I maneuvered my bike and leaned to the left. I was about at a forty-five degree angle and my knees almost touched the ground. 
There wasn’t much light leading us in our path. Once in awhile you’ll see a street light or two but the only thing that was leading our way was the light from our motorcycle. I was still in second place when we reach the one mile mark, which wasn’t so bad. But the guy ahead of me was pretty fast. I wish this baby was faster. As I remember the next half miles were made of twist and turns which means I might have to lower my speed to be on the safe side. After the twist and turn there was a hill we would have to do go down. I made it through the twist and turns but soon lost my second place to the guy in the blue. Shit! That’s not good I have to keep up. When I reached the top of the hill I wasn’t far behind the two guys anymore. This wasn’t going to be hard at all. I’ll just let gravity do the moving. I cranked up the speed on my back and let myself straight down passing the guy in the blue. Once the road straightened out again I found myself side by side with the guy in the black. He must have been surprised I could almost see the look on his face when he turned to look this way.
What I didn’t realize then was that someone was just right behind me too but it wasn’t the guy in the blue, it was the other guy with the dragon. There’s something about this guy that is so familiar. The next big thing was the bridge. *sigh* I don’t know if I can do this now. My heart was pounding in my chest and I could feel the sweat rolling down my face. This was the reason why I hate helmets; I can’t wipe the sweat off my face. I hesitated a little before I reach the bridge. I was practically shaking my ass off. I don’t like this at all. I’ll get across if I just keep on going without looking down, to the side or up. I’ll just have to look forward to get across this thing. It’s only a quarter mile of the race. So I did just that. I looked forward and drove the motorcycle across the bridge as fast as I could. 
I didn’t know how it happened, the next thing I knew was that I was lying on the ground and my bike wasn’t far away from me. I wasn’t in much pain at all. I guess you can consider that a good thing. Thank goodness the snow was soft. My bike must have skidded because of the road or something I don’t know and I don’t care. But luckily I pass the bridge before anything happened. I need to get my ass up and back on that bike. 
“Do you need help?” Someone asked me. I looked up to see that guy, the one with the dragon on his back.
“Yeah just a little,” I said through my helmet. He lend me his hand and I took it. He then pulled me up. 
“Are you okay?” he asked me. Now why would he care so much if I was ok? This guy seems way too nice to be a racer.
“I’m fine,” I said shaking off the snow. “Oh shiet,” I said forgetting about the guy as I saw the other racers approaching us. “I’m getting out of here,” I went and picked up my bike. By the time I got my bike started the guy that helped me was already gone and two more other racers have passed me. This isn’t looking good. I’m a little hurt and now I must catch up. 
The course was smoother from that point on. There wasn’t so much twist and turns. So if luck was on my side, which it never was, I can do this. I was in dead last. They weren’t that much ahead of me. I would estimate that they were probably two hundred feet ahead. Come on Jina you can still do this. I increased my speed even though I knew it would be unsafe but it was a risk I had to take. I had only about a mile and a half of this race to go. Maybe there was a God because I quickly pulled pass the guy in the blue. I left him eating my dirt or should I say snow. Next up was the guy in the yellow. He look like a little wimp he would be easy. Before I could do anything luck was really on my side. The guy’s bike seemed to have died and he couldn’t get it to start. I’ll feel sorry for him later. I passed him and up next was the guy in the black. I’m guessing the dragon guy was in the lead now. 
This guy seemed like a tough one too. He looked all mean and mysterious dressed up in all black like that. I increased my speed once again but this time something didn’t feel right so I pulled back. I didn’t want to lose this race so easily. I was only about a hundred feet away from the guy. That’s when I notice that he took out a gun and was pointing at the rider in front of us, which just happened to be the guy in the dragon jacket, the guy who had helped me earlier. Maybe I’m going to have to save two lives tonight. I owe this guy one. 
I don’t think this guy notice or even care that I was behind him. His target seem to be the guy in the red dragon jacket. The only thing I could think of is somehow grab the walkie-talkie that Seunghun told me about and throw it at the guy’s body. And I’ll pray that it hit him somehow so that he wouldn’t shoot the guy. Of course in the process I would be risking my neck. Next time I think of a stupid, risky, and crazy idea like this, just kill me. I’ve done some tricks on my bike before but none ever while I was going more than sixty-five miles per hour on a slippery road. I let my right side hold onto the handle bars of the bike and reached back with my left arm. I tried to find the bag but I was going to fast and letting it fly in the wind. The second try almost made me fell off my bike. And then finally I got a hold of the walkie-talkie on the third try. Now I must throw this before he gets a shot out.
*Bang* I was too late. FUCK! That was loud. I notice that the guy in the red dragon jacket dodge the bullet quit well. Man that guy in the black was psycho if he really wants to win this race enough to kill. This was some serious shit! I threw the walkie-talkie towards the guy and it him in the shoulders. He turned around and looked at me. He then pointed the gun at me. Oh my fucken gawd. Shit! What the hell am I going to do now? Don’t freak out Jina! Don’t freak out Jina!
“Ooowwww!” I heard the guy scream. What the hell happened? My question was answer when I saw the guy in the red dragon jacket had hit the guy in the black with a club. No one told me we were suppose to kill each other while we were racing. What the hell am I talking about? I should be scared to death but I’m not really. They started to fight each other while they were on their bikes. We now had less than a mile to go. I have no idea rather I should go around them and win the race or help them. I wouldn’t know who to help. I mean they both look like bad guys to me. I could see the finish line from here and they are still fighting. I don’t know what to do! Well shit! I planned to win this race and I’m going to. It was a little selfish of me but I race pass the two guy and to the finish line. I’m not getting involved in their shit. I have to handle my own. 
I stopped my bike and turned around to see if they two guys were still fighting and they were. Gees these underground races are dangerous. I turned off my bike and headed over to Taehyung and Seunghun. They were glad to see me. Everyone was surprise to see me as the winner of the race even Taehyung and Seunghun. But what surprised me was that no one seem to be stopping the two guys.
“Oh shit!” Taehyung said looking at the two guys. He looked scared and worried. What the hell is going on?
“What’s the matter Taehyung?” Seunghun looked at him. I smelt something fishy going on. He better let him go. I didn’t risk my life for nothing. 
“Oooooo…” we heard the crowd screamed. We all turn our attention to see what they were looking at. Shockingly both of the guys had stop fighting and it appeared to be that the guy in the red dragon jacket had won. He was dragging the other guy and they were walking towards us. Now what the hell does he want? Everyone’s eyes were on us now.
“What the fuck are you trying to pull?” the guy in the red dragon jacket said as he threw the other guy at Seunghun.
“I didn’t know you could handle it,” Seunghun replied. 
“I could handle anything you throw at me,” the guy said as he took off his helmet. Oh my fucken god!
I took my helmet off and threw it to the ground, “Minwoo!”
“Jina!”



Chp. 27

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Minwoo shouted.
“What the fuck are YOU doing here?” I said back to him in the same tone.
“Jina don’t fuck with me! What the hell is going on? Why are you here?” Minwoo stepped towards me. 
“I don’t know what the hell is going on? You tell me,” I said. I didn’t like the look on his face. He looked more pissed off than the time when I messed up his bike. 
Minwoo looked at his brother and I noticed something was exchanged between them. Something was going on. 
“Come here,” Minwoo grabbed me by the arm and dragged me with him.
“Fuck! Damn, Minwoo let go!” I screamed at him. But he didn’t listen to me. He dragged me all the way to the warehouse, where the bikes were kept. 
“Why are you even here? Fuck! You could have gotten yourself killed tonight. Do you know how dangerous that race was? Why are you always doing stupid things? FUCK!” Minwoo shouted in anger and then he whispered under his lips “Why didn’t Taehyung tell me about this?”
“What was that?” I said confused.
“Nothing,” he said trying to cover up. 
“No you said something! What about Taehyung? Is this the set up Seung Hun was talking about? What the fuck is going on Minwoo?” I was the one angry now.
“How the hell did you get involve with Taehyung and Seung Hun? What the hell have you been doing?” 
“I’m not going to answer you questions until you answer mine,” I said stubbornly. 
“This is no time to play around Jina. I got a lot on the line,” Minwoo started to pace back and forth. 
“What the fuck are you talking about?” I said. AAArrrrgggghhhhh! He’s just pissing me off even more with all this mystery.
“I can’t…….”
*Bang*Bang*Bang*Bang* 
We heard the gun shots coming from the directions we just came from.
“Oh fuck!” Minwoo started to run towards the gun shots. 
Oh shit! I ran after Minwoo and when we got there I saw the most horrifying thing in my life. Taehyung was on the ground and blood was oozing out from his body. From the looks of it he was shot in the chest. The blood had seeped into the snow, coloring it with its bright red color. I didn’t know what to do. I was too shock. I didn’t know I would ever be in this kind of situation. Minwoo went down on his knees next to his brother. He didn’t know what to do. He put his hands on Taehyung’s chest trying to put pressure on the wound but it was no use there were too many gun shots. 
“Hahahaha I knew something was going to happen tonight,” Seunghun maliciously laughed while he held the gun. 
At the sound of his laughter I snapped out of my confused state. I ran to Taehyung and Minwoo and bent down next to them.
“Taehyung….” I quietly said his name. His face was as white as the snow on the mountains. His bruised color lips were trembling as he tried to say something to Minwoo.
“Ta…kkkkkke…..caaaare of them…” Taehyung slowly with all the strength that he had left he lifted his hand and patted Minwoo on the head. Then he took his last breath and closed his eyes for eternity. 
“You fucken bastard!” Minwoo got up and ran towards Seunghun. Seunghun lifted his gun and pointed it at Minwoo.
“Minwoo! Nooooooooooooooooooooo!” I shouted at the top of my lungs as I got up and ran towards Minwoo.
*Bang* Bang* I heard two gun shots go off and I became even more confused as the scene unfold in front of me. Minwoo covered his left arm with his right hand as rounds of shots were fired into Seunghun’s body. Someone else was shooting at him. Seunghun’s body tumbled onto the ground as I ran to Minwoo. 
“You fucken asshole!” Minwoo shouted as he started to kick Seunghun’s lifeless body. “Fuck you!” Minwoo shouted as he continued to kick the body of Seunghun in frustration.
“Shit Minwoo you’re bleeding,” I said as I moved his arm away from the wound and looked at it. The bullet had grazed his upper arm and it was bleeding. I covered it with my own hand to put pressure on it. It was no use the blood was still coming out and soon my hands were covered with his blood. 
“You aren’t going to die are you?” I could hear the tremble in my voice and the feel the tears threatening to fall.
“No I’m not,” Minwoo said breathing deeply in and out. He stopped kicking Seunghun and I could feel his eyes one me while I looked at his wound. Of course he isn’t going to die; it’s just a bullet to the arm. What am I thinking?
“You shouldn’t have been here. Everything went wrong!” Minwoo said in frustration as he pulled away from me. 
What is he talking about? And then I heard the sirens and someone announced for everyone to get down on their knees. I heard foot marching our way and a helicopter over us. It was the cops. I didn’t go down on my knees like everyone else around us did. I was too shock. I just stared at Taehyung’s bloody body and then at my hands covered with Minwoo’s blood. What have I gotten myself into?
“Why didn’t you do something about it?” I heard Minwoo shout. Who the hell was he talking to? I looked up and towards Minwoo. A tall man in a beige trench coach was standing in front of him. Who the hell is that?
“We weren’t in our positions yet? You were too busy with her to do what you were supposed to do,” The guy pointed at me. Positions? The cops were here the whole time?
“It didn’t matter you should have shot him the first time he took out the gun,” Minwoo yelled in frustration. 
“I’m sorry about your brother Minwoo. I know it must be tough but we did our best,” the guy said. 
“No you didn’t! My brother is dead!”
“If you only did what we told you to do. Everything would have gone smoothly,” the guy said back.
“Why did you bring her in? She wasn’t part of the plan. Taehyung didn’t say anything about her being part of the plan,” Minwoo pointed at me. 
“She wasn’t part of the plan. She’s with Seunghun. She was the one racing for him,” the cop looked at me. 
“Jina you have a lot of explaining to do,” Minwoo angry eyes looked at me. 
“I…I…I didn’t do anything. I was just racing to save your brother’s life,” I half cried and half shouted at him. Is this all my fault? Is everything always my fucken fault? Gosh Jina you are the stupidest person in this whole world. 
“You weren’t even supposed to be here,” Minwoo shouted at me.
“I’m….I’m…ss-s-sor-ry,” my voice trembled as tears rolled down my face. I didn’t know this was going to happen. I didn’t know any of this was going to happen. It was just suppose to be a simple race. I couldn’t look Minwoo in the eyes. It hurt too damn much to see the pain in them. 
“Miss, you’re bleeding,” someone said to me.
“Huh?” I look at to where he was looking. Blood had stained my white thermal and I haven’t even notice it. I took off my jacket to see where it was coming from and that’s when I felt the pain in my left shoulder. 
“Ow,” I said as I touched the wound. From the looks of it, it looked like a bullet had grazed my shoulder.
“You guys both need to be patch up,” the cop that was talking to Minwoo said. “And after that miss you’re coming to talk with me.” What an insensitive jerk!
“Shit Jina!” Minwoo said as he came to look at my shoulder. I look at Minwoo’s bleeding arm, to my bleeding shoulder, to Seunghun’s bloody body and then to Taehyung’s body and the tears stared to fall. It was all just too much for me.
“Sir we must look at you arm,” I heard someone say to Minwoo. They took him away to an ambulance and they took me to a different one too. I sat silently as the tend to my wound. This was all my fault. If only I didn’t race. If only I never met Taehyung. If only I could make the right choices for once I wouldn’t be here. I caused him so much pain. It’s all my fault. 
“I don’t have to go to the hospital. Do I?” I asked the person, who was bandaging my wound. 
“No. You got lucky,” he said. Ha! So much for my luck. “You may go now,” he said as he finished. 
“Thank you,” 
“You’re coming with me,” the cop from before said. I’m in deeper shit. 


“JINA!” Hwanhee shouted at the top of his lungs as he saw me. I soon found myself being embrace by him. I was more scared of what Hwanhee would say to me than my father would have if he was here now. Over the years I’ve been in this kind of situations before. The kind in which my father had to come down town to the police station to pick me up. But this situation was different. Things have moved up a step in the seriousness scale. 
“Ow…ow…ow…” I winced at the pain.
“Oh my god I’m sorry,” Hwanhee pulled back. 
“Gees Hwanhee you run too fast,” Dongwan said huffing and puffing. Right behind him were the rest of Shinhwa. 
“Jina!” Junjin said as he gave me a hug.
“Thank god you are safe,” Eric added. 
“You aren’t in trouble are you?” Andy questioned.
“No, I’m not,” 
“You look terrible. They didn’t even bother to give you some decent clothes,” Dongwan said observing my clothing. I was still in the same old blood stained shirt. 
“Minwoo!” Hyesung shouted his name and we all turned around to see Minwoo with the cop. I haven’t talked to him since we were both shot. The cops brought us over here where we had to explain what was happening or at least I had to explain. From what I know Minwoo was working for the cops to help get Seunghun and that’s only a guess. I don’t know the whole story yet.
“You can go now,” he told Minwoo. 
“Hey man I’m sorry about your brother,” Junjin said as he gave Minwoo a hug. 
“We didn’t even know that you had one,” Andy said.
“We were surprised when Hyesung explained it,” Eric said.
“I’m just glad everyone is ok,” Hwanhee said looking at both of us. 
There was a long moment of silence between all of us. I couldn’t even look up to look at everyone especially Minwoo. I don’t know how he felt. Was he mad? Was he angry? Was he relieved? What was he feeling? I could already hear Hwanhee’s lecture. I deserve one though. I don’t know if it would do much good now. It’s too late. Nothing he saodould change what happened and what I caused. If only I would have listen to my father all those years. I guess this was my punishment from all the things I’ve done in the past. 
“Let’s go home,” Hwanhee finally said.
When we got outside there were a punch of reporters and camera man. They began asking questions and taking pictures. We quickly walked to the car with the guidance of the cops. I just wanted to get out of here. I had enough for tonight. I sat in the front passenger seat and the guys sat in the back as usual. The ride home was quiet. No one wanted or felt like saying anything. I don’t think anything said would make any difference right now. It was a gloomy mood for all of us. 
When we got home there were also reporters there too along with some fans. Luckily a car of bodyguard had followed us and helped us get inside the house. Once inside everyone left to go upstairs even Minwoo. It was only me and Hwanhee.
“Hey, are you ok?” Hwanhee said trying to look me in the eyes but I had my head down.
I shook my head, “No, I’m not Hwanhee. I’m not ok at all. I killed him Hwanhee. It was because of me that he died,” the tears started to fall again. 
“Shhh…..it’s not your fault,” Hwanhee pulled me into his arms and I begin to cry on his shoulder.
“Yes it is. It’s always my fault. If only I hadn’t gone out that night. If only I hadn’t sneaked up those stairs. He would still be alive. It’s all my fault,” I bawled at him. 
“No, no, no. You weren’t the one who pulled the trigger. You are not the one to blame for this. He would have killed him,” Hwanhee tried to make everything seem better.
“But only if…”
“Shh…I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I want you to go upstairs and take a shower. You look like hell,” he said. I listened to Hwanhee for once.
I took a shower like Hwanhee told me to do. I had to peel off the bandage of my wound. It wasn’t so bad. It wasn’t deep at all. But it hurt like hell to have the water run over it. I changed into my pajamas and went to lie in my bed when I heard a knock on the door. 
“Jina?” someone said.
“Come in,” It was all the guys except for Minwoo.
“We came to tell you good night,” Andy said coming to sit on the edge of my bed. 
“I don’t think I’ll ever have a good night again,” I said looking down at my hands and avoiding their eyes. 
“Yes you will,” Junjin said brushing my hair away from my face. 
“Everything will be alright,” Hwanhee hugged me again.
“You seem so sure,” I said.
“Jina, we’re always here for you if you ever needed anything,” Hyesung said as he took my hand and held it.
“Yes we are,” Eric agreed.
“You’re not alone in this world. We care about you and worry about you. You’re like our little sister and we don’t want you getting caught in these kind of situations,” Dongwan said sincerely.
“We love you Jina and we don’t want you to hide things like this from us anymore,” Junjin said.
“Hide what?” I questioned.
“Hide the fact that you were going to be in a dangerous race,” Hwanhee pointed out.
“I’m sorry,” was all I could say.
“We’ll talk about this in the morning. You look too tired. Go to sleep,” Hwanhee ordered.
“Ok,”
“Sweet dreams,” Andy said and kissed me on the forehead.
“Take care,” Dongwan whispered and kissed me on the cheeks.
“Sleep well,” Junjin said.
“I hope you feel better,” Eric said giving me a kiss on my forehead.
“He’ll need you more now than ever,” Hyesung whispered into my ear. I made eye contact with him and he just nodded his head.
“If you need anything. I’ll be down the hall,” Hwanhee said as they all left my room. I laid in my bed and looked out the window. The only light that shown was a street light. I don’t think I could sleep tonight or more like this morning. 

I don’t know how long I slept or even if I did sleep but a presence in my room woke me up. I turned to the left side of my bed and he was standing there looking down at me. He was shirtless even though it was chili in the house. All he had on was the bottom of his pajamas. I looked at him straight in the eyes and I didn’t have to wonder what he was thinking. I didn’t need to hear the words he couldn’t say to know what he wanted or more like what he needed. I sat up in bed and gave him my hand, inviting him to come join me. 
Minwoo took my hand and climbed underneath the blanket with me. The whole time we didn’t keep our eyes off of each other. In them I could see all the pain and the hurt. I could see all the sorrow and a beaten down soul. I pulled him towards me and let his head rest on my shoulders. I wrapped my arms around him and brushed his chocolate brown hair with my hand. Minwoo’s left arm circled around my waist. Although I was afraid to I did it anyways. I touched the wound that he got from the gun shot. 
I didn’t know what was happening between us but I know I could feel all his pain. I could feel his soul crying out. I could feel that he was scared. And I could feel deep in my heart the healing of the wounds. In all my life I tried to find something as powerful as what I am feeling right now. I’m glad that I found that in him. 
“You scared me tonight. You scared the hell out of me Jina,” Minwoo said against my shoulder. 
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” I whispered.
“He’s gone for good now,” he said. I didn’t know what to say to him. So silence did the talking. I soon found my shirt becoming wet. He was crying. There was so much pain in his cry. 
“Shh…it’s going to be okay,” I repeated the words Hwanhee said to me earlier. I still don’t believe that was true. I tried to hold back my tears but it was no use. I cried along with him knowing and feeling all his pain. We held onto each other until the sun lighted up the room.

Chp. 28

“Hwanhee! Hwanhee! Hwanhee!” I shouted at the top of my lungs as I ran down the hall frantically. 
“Jina! What’s the matter?” Hwanhee popped out of his bedroom.
“It’s Minwoo. He’s burning hot! I think he’s sick,” I quickly spitted out. 
“Where is he?” he asked.
“In my bedroom,” I answered and he gave me a curious look.
“Wait…what is he doing in there?” he questioned me.
“There’s not time for the explanation. Come on,” I dragged Hwanhee to my room where Minwoo was laying. When I woke up this morning I felt something very hot against my skin. It couldn’t be the sun because it was the end of November. And then I realize that it was Minwoo who was burning up. He was so hot I swore he could have caused a fire. He still had his eyes closed and tried to pull me closer for warmth but I didn’t let him. I was too worried about the fever that he had. He was probably sick from the cold snow last night. 

Hwanhee went to feel Minwoo’s head and his hand instantly pulled away. 
“I think we need to take him to the hospital,” Hwanhee said looking down at Minwoo.
“No!” I quickly blurted out. “We can’t. He doesn’t like hospitals remember?”
“Oh yeah….well then I want you to tell Eric to call a doctor, then go get me some cool towel to lower his fever,” Hwanhee commanded me. 
“Ok,” I said to Hwanhee and ran to Eric’s room. Without knocking I opened his door.
“What the fuck?..... Jina!” he said in surprised.
“Sorry Eric but I need you to call the doctor,” 
“Doctor? Why?”
“Because Minwoo is sick,” I answered his question and began to walk out the door. Eric then took a hold of my arm.
“Why is he sick?” he asked.
“I don’t know. I just woke up this morning and he was burning up. It was probably from last night,” I said. I was beginning to get even more worried each minute. What’s going to happen to him? I don’t want him to die. I can’t handle it if he dies too. Jina get a grip no one is going to die. 
“Hey he’s not in his room,” Eric said. I was too lost in my thoughts to realize that Eric had opened the door to Minwoo’s room.
“No he’s not. He’s in my room,” I said avoiding Eric suspicious look.
“What? Who’s in your room?” Hyesung walked out of his room.
“Minwoo is in her room,” Eric said.
“Minwoo is in your room?” Hyesung questioned.
“Minwoo is in your room Jina? Oh yeah…..so what did you guys do?” Junjin said coming up the stairs. He gave me one of those tell-me-all-the-dirty-things-you-did look.
“Nothing….damn Junjin this is serious. Minwoo is sick,” I got irritated and slapped him in the arm.
“What? Sick? How?” Hyesung became worried. 
“I’ll call the doctor,” Eric said going inside his room.
“I’m going to get some towels,” I said running downstairs. I ran to the laundry and took out a couple of towels. I then ran back upstairs to my room, where everyone had gathered up.
“How is he?” I quickly asked.
“He’s starting to tremble. He doesn’t seem to be aware of what is going on,” Hwanhee said looking at Minwoo with worried eyes. I walked into my bathroom and with shaky hands ran the towels under cool water. I went back and place a towel on Minwoo’s forehead. He was still burning hot. At the touch of the cold towel Minwoo moved his head from side to side. 
“Go get another towel and wipe down his body with it,” Hwanhee commanded me. I did what he said. I ran the towel over his trembling body. I wanted to pull him close to me so the trembling would stop but that wouldn’t help him out with the fever. I hope he’s getting better. I don’t want him to become worst. 
“Jina its okay you don’t have to cry. He’s going to be alright,” I heard Andy. 
“Huh?” I touch my cheeks and realized that tears were falling down from my eyes. I quickly wiped them away and continue to try to keep Minwoo’s fever down. 
*ding dong* The doorbell rang.
“That must be the doctor,” Eric said running down stairs.
“Tell him to hurry!” I shouted at Eric. “Minwoo….Minwoo….Minwoo….” I whispered softly to his face as I leaned in. 
“I don’t think he’s responding to anything. His body is probably too weak to do so,” Hwanhee put one hand on my shoulder. I continued my attempt to cool down his body when someone came in but it wasn’t the doctor. It was Brian and Susan. I don’t think I can face them right now. I haven’t talk to them much ever since the news of the baby. I guess we’re on better terms now. 
“Jina are you okay?” Brian said coming to stand by me.
“We heard what happened on the news last night and we were worried,” Susan said coming to stand right next to Brian. She’s almost five months pregnant and I could see her abdomen beginning to bulge out. 
“I’m fine but….M..m…min..woo,” I stuttered and then the tears started to fall again. I can’t stand it. I can’t stand watching him asleep on my bed like this. He looks so helpless. I don’t think I could do anything about it.
“Jina, are you ok?” Hyesung took me by the shoulders and try to look into my eyes.
“Nnnnoooo I’m not ok. I’m so afraid. I’m so afraid I’m going to lose him. He doesn’t seem to be getting any better and he keeps on trembling. What the hell does that mean? And where the fuck is the doctor! Damn it!” I was becoming hysterical. 
“Calm down Jina,” Hyesung said smoothing out my hair. 
“I can’t. Can’t you see this is all my fault? I caused everything. I caused his brother’s death and now he might be gone too,” I said throwing the towel on the bed. I was angry at myself. 
“No it’s not,” Hyesung shook me. 
“Yes it is. I should have never gotten involved,” I said running my hand through my hair. 
“We don’t know exactly why Minwoo was there that last night. He never told anyone of us what he was doing. From what I could figure out he was probably working for the cops as a special deal to let his brother go free. I don’t know. But none of this is your fault. It would have eventually happened,” Hyesung explained. I never really got the full story why Minwoo was there last night. 
“I just don’t want to lose him,” I said leaning my head on Hyesung’s chest.
“I know what you mean,” he said.
“We all don’t want to lose him,” Dongwan said putting an arm around me. 
“Andy and Dongwan could you take her out of here,” Hwanhee ordered.
“No!” I shouted. 
“Yes, you need rest. You don’t look good either. I don’t want you to worry about Minwoo. You’ve been through a lot and you haven’t had enough rest,” Hwanhee said.
“But I can’t leave him. He needs me. I don’t want to. I want to be here by his side,” I said ready to protest even more.
“I’m sorry Jina but you need your rest. I don’t want you getting sick either. Please just go,” He plea. 
“No, I’m staying by his side,” I put my feet on the ground. 
“I don’t think you can move her from this bedroom,” Junjin said to Hwanhee. 
“Fine then. Sit in that seat,” Hwanhee pointed to my chair. I went to go grab it and placed in right next to the bed. 
“Susan since you are pregnant I don’t think it’s best for you to say in here,” Hwanhee said. “You better go wait outside.” Hwanhee can be so demanding sometimes. 
“Ok, we’ll talk later,” Susan said and both her and Brian left. 
*ding dong* The door bell rang.
“If that isn’t the doctor, I swear I’m going to kill whoever it is,” I said frustrated. Luckily it was the doctor. The doctor came rushing in and began to do all kinds of assessment of Minwoo. He took his temperature and it turned out to be 102.7. After about twenty minutes of whatever he was doing the doctor began to tell us what was going on.
“His body seems to be in shock of what is going on. He looked as if he got some kind of infection. His wound on his arm is not helping much either. I’m afraid it might be infected. Considering that he just lost his brother his body is in much shock. I’ll give his some antibiotics to kill the bacteria but that’s all I can do. It’s up to him if he wants to get up,” the doctor said. He wrote a prescription and handed it to Hwanhee and was in the process of leaving when I stopped him.
“Nooooooo,” I said getting up from my chair, “You have to do more. There are more things to be done,” I shouted. He can’t leave. Minwoo’s not better yet.
“Miss I’m sorry but that’s all I can do. It’s best if his body help fight off the infection too,” the doctor stated and then left.
“Arrgghhhhhhhhh useless doctor,” I was enraged. 
“Jina calm down. He did his best,” Hyesung said.
“I don’t care he could have done better,” I said looking at Minwoo. He had stopped trembling and it looked like he was in a peaceful sleep. 
“I’m going to go give this to one of the bodyguards to go down the streets to the pharmacy. Look after her,” Hwanhee said to all five guys. And they nodded their heads back. I took Minwoo’s hand and held onto it. It wasn’t as hot as before now. I never notice how rough his skin was or that his pinky finger was slightly tilted.
“I think he’s going to be fine,” Hyesung said.
“Minwoo’s a tough guy. He could handle it,” Andy added.
“Minwoo’s been through a lot. He’ll get through this,” Junjin said. I think they were trying to convince me that he’ll make it.
“Don’t worry he’ll get better after he takes the medicine,” Eric said. 
“But what if he doesn’t?” I questioned them.
“There’s no doubt in my mind that Minwoo will survive this,” Dongwan said kneeling down next to me. “And you want to know why that is?” he asked.
“Why?”
“Because he has you,” Dongwan pointed at me. 
“That’s true,” Hyesung agreed. That only made me feel a little better. 
“You look so tired Jina,” Andy pointed out. 
“How’s your shoulder doing?” Junjin said looking at it. I was still in my pajamas from last night. 
“It doesn’t hurt at all,” I looked at it.
“It’s almost one o’clock, are you hungry?” Eric asked. 
“No,” I shook my head. 
“Well I’m going to order you some food,” Eric stated. 
“I won’t eat it,” 
“I’ll make you eat it,” Eric said. He then left the room. 
“I’m going to check on Minwoo’s prescriptions,” Hyesung said leaving the room. 
“We better go see if there was anything schedule for today,” Dongwan said signaling to Andy and Junjin. 
“We’ll be back to check on you later,” Junjin said. Then they left.
“Please get better Minwoo,” I whispered as I kissed the palm of his hand.

Four hours later…

His fever was going away and he seemed to be sleeping peacefully. The medicine the doctor prescribed was working. I’m not worried as much anymore but I’m still afraid. The guys said that all of Shinhwa’s schedule has been cancel for the next two weeks not only because of Minwoo but what happened last night. The press had finally left the front yard. The fans were crying in front of the house from what I heard. Everybody wanted to know what happened and how Minwoo and I got into this kind of mess. There have been many stories of what happened last night. I don’t even know the whole story.
“Jina you barely touch your food,” Eric said walking in. 
“I told you I wasn’t going to eat it,” I said.
“Hwanhee wants you to get out of here so you won’t worry about him too much,” 
“I don’t want to. I need to be by his side,” 
“Please listen to him Jina,” someone said from behind Eric. I look behind him to see who it was. It was Susan. She sounded very sincere and for once in her life she sounded as if she cared.
“Fine I’ll eat something,” I said looking at the food Eric order for me. 
“It’s needs to be warmed up,” Eric said.
“Here we’ll go warm it up,” Susan took the plate and my hand. I was surprised at her gesture. “C’mon we need to talk,” she looked at me.
“Follow her,” Eric said ready to push me out. I did what he said because I was hungry and I wanted to know what my sister wanted to talk about. I had forgotten that she was even here. I sat down at the kitchen table and watch Susan put the plate of food in the microwave. She then came to sit across from me. 
“I think he’ll be fine,” Susan started out. I didn’t say anything back.
“You seemed to care for him a lot,” she continued. I don’t know what to say back. The microwave went off and she went to take the plate of food out. She laid it in front of me. I stared at it and began to pick at the food.
“I’m sorry Jina,” Susan said and she sounded as if she was going to cry, which is quite shocking. I looked up from the plate to look at her and there were tears in her eyes.
“You don’t have to be,” I said.
“I’m sorry for treating you so badly all those years. It was just that I was jealous of you. I know this isn’t a good time to bring this up but I’ve realized how important of a person you are to me,” Susan said wiping the tears away. “I was afraid after what I heard on the news that something worst had happened to you. Jina…I know I haven’t been the best sister on earth to you. I shouldn’t even be considered a sister at all. All those years all I ever wanted was to be like you,” 
“Huh?” I said even more confused.
“You were always so tough and strong. You never put up with anyone at all. You got to be who you were. You showed your true colors without being afraid of what others would think of you. I could never do that. My mom was always on my case about being the perfect daughter. But all along I just wanted to be like you. So I acted like a bitch and took anything away from you that I could. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” by now Susan was crying her heart out. And I felt the tears burn in my eyes. I walked over to her and gave her a hug. 
“I’m sorry too. I’m not the best sister either. I was jealous of you even more because everyone loved you. But most of all I was jealous that you had your mother and I didn’t,” I cried into her shoulders. “Hahahahaha….” I laughed. I was beginning to find this funny. 
“What?” Susan pulled away from my hug and looked at me curiously.
“All my life all I ever wanted was to have a moment like this with you and now I’m finally got it. I’m happy,” I said. She gave me a smile. Its strange how tragedy can sometimes bring you happiness.
“Does that mean I’m forgiven?” Susan asked me.
“Yeah, I guess so,” I said smiling back at her.
“What about me?” someone said from the kitchen door. It was Brian.
“You? No! Look what you’ve done to my sister,” I said pointing at Susan’s stomach.
“That was an accident,” Brian said.
“Yeah sure they’re always accidents aren’t they?” I joked around. Why is it that the two people who I thought I hated the most are making me laugh?
“I’m sorry too,” Brian said becoming serious. 
“You’re forgiven,” I said going up to him and giving him a hug. I was no longer mad at them. I didn’t need to be because I had someone else.
“Minwoo’s a lucky guy,” Brian said into my ears.
“Thank you. I must get back to him,” I said running up the stairs. I was getting worried again. Who was looking after him while I was gone? When I reach the top of the stairs I was beginning to feel a little dizzy. And things around me began to sway. What’s going on? I went to the door of my room and leaned against the doorway.
“Jina are you okay?” Dongwan asked me. Everything was beginning to look blurry.
“I’m fine,” I said but my body didn’t agree with me and I fell onto the floor. The last thing I heard was Hwanhee telling them to take me to Minwoo’s room. 

Chp. 29

There I was standing in front of an endless ocean. The inviting waves washed against the sand touching the tips of my toes. The wind blew feely through my hair, caressing my face. I closed my eyes and took in the smell of the ocean. It was thick and salty. I wanted so much to just dive in. The water was always a tempting thing for me. It was something I was most afraid of and yet I wanted to be part of so much. I wanted to swim with the dolphins. But being frightful of the deep water I could never swim in it. I feel soft kisses run along my forehead and I open my eyes to see who it was. It was Minwoo and he looked incredibly handsome against the backdrop of the ocean. He gave me a smile and soon he faded away. 
My eyes fluttered open and I woke up from my dream. I look out towards the window. It was snowing again. I’m still not use to the snow. I’m more use to the sun and rain but not something so soft.
“You looked like you had a nice dream,” I heard a voice said from behind. I quickly turned my head to find Minwoo looking at me. He was on his side with his head in his palm and leaning on his elbow. And he was smiling at me just like in the dream. For a moment I couldn’t breathe and I just stared back at him.
“Wait a minute! What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be sick,” I sat up. 
“This is my bed,” he stated still smiling. 
“I know but I think I fainted and they brought me here,” I explained.
“Are you sure you just didn’t miss me?” he said. He seemed happier now. 
“Miss you? Me? Never…” I joked with him. He smiled at me and then his face became serious. I gave him a puzzled look.
“Can I hold you?” He asked me. 
“You don’t have to ask,” I said as I lay down on the pillow and curl up against his chest. He put his arms around me and I laid my head on his shoulders. It was comforting to be in his arms. He wasn’t running a fever anymore. I guess the medicine worked. I think I could lie like this forever. I placed my hand over his pounding heart and then Minwoo placed his hand over mine. He took my hand and held the palm of it towards his lips barely touching them. I looked up at him and into his eyes and there I saw all my dreams, all my hopes, all my wishes, and all that I ever wanted in my life. Without taking his eyes away from me, Minwoo kissed the palm of my hand. I felt the fluttering of my heart and the caressing of my soul as Minwoo rolled up my sleeve and placed kisses along my arm all the way up to my cheeks.
“I think I like your eyes best at the color they are right now. They’re soft green with just a tint of blue in them. Why are your eyes green?” he whispered.
“I got them from my mom’s side. I don’t know much about my mom’s side but I know that they say my great grandmother was half Irish. I think I must have gotten them from her. My mom had it and so did her mom. Sometimes I wish I didn’t have them. They brought a lot of pain,” I looked away from Minwoo.
“Don’t say that. I love them and they are what made me fall in love with you,” he said lifting my chin with his hand to make me look at him. My heart, body, and soul froze at the words that he told me. I couldn’t handle it. I don’t think I’m ready for this. It’s all too soon. It’s all too much. I don’t know what to say. 
“Why did you race the other night?” I changed the subject on him. He must have sense that I wasn’t comfortable about what he said so he answered the question. 
“About two and a half weeks ago Taehyung approached me and ask me to help him,” the tears were already forming in his eyes. “He wanted me to help him out in a race. He was working with the cops to get Seunghun. He was finally tired of the life he was living. He wanted to change so he made a deal with the cops. He’ll get Seunghun for them in order for his freedom,” Minwoo sighed. “But it only cost him his life,” He paused and started to fumble with my hand. 
“I’m sorry. I wish I could change everything. If I wasn’t….”
“Shhhhhhhh….It’s not your fault,” he tried to make me feel better.
“I know but it’s just that….” Minwoo’s lips stopped me from finishing my sentence. The kiss was soft and tender. My stomach began to fill with butterflies and I closed my eyes savoring the kiss. We slowly pulled away from the kiss and laid my head on his shoulder. We stayed in each other embrace for awhile not saying anything at all. I know what I feel for him. It’s strong and powerful. It’s sweet and passionate. It’s more than I asked for and greater than I expected it to be. It’s something I wanted so much yet I’m so afraid to have it. Is it love? That I can’t answer because I don’t know. The last time I thought I was in love, I was wrong. I looked up at Minwoo and he had one of those thinking face on. 
“What are you thinking of?” I asked him.
“I’m just wondering if you can look even more beautiful than you are right now,” he gave me a smile.
“What kind of pick up line is that?” I joked trying to lighten up the mood. 
“I don’t need a pick up line. I already got you in my bed,” Minwoo said pulling me closer. 
“That doesn’t count. I fainted. You’re the one that came to my bed and I didn’t even need a pick up line,” I bragged.
“I just couldn’t help it. You’re too alluring,” he kissed me on the cheeks. “And sexy,” he kissed me on the forehead. “And beautiful,” he kissed me on the nose. “And I love it when you get feisty,” he kissed my lips. “But you know what I like even more?” he asked.
“No,” I raised an eyebrow at him. 
“This,” he said throwing back the blanket, lifting the top of my pajamas up and gave me a raspberry on my stomach.
“What the….hahahahaha,” I laughed at Minwoo’s gesture. “Hey that tickles!” I shouted.
“Hey what’s going on here?” we heard someone said from the door. Both Minwoo and I froze and turned are head towards the door. In the position that we were in, it didn’t look right at all. Minwoo had his head to my stomach. I had my head thrown back and was laughing. 
“Hwanhee,” we said in unison.
“Minwoo, what are you doing up? Why are you in this bed? What do you think you guys are doing?” Hwanhee eyed us suspiciously. 
“Nothing!” we quickly answered. 
“Oh my God what happened?” Andy and Dongwan came running in. They gasp at me and Minwoo. 
“Are you sure that you guys only kissed twice?” Andy asked. Dongwan was displaying a big smile.
“All right Minwoo,” Dongwan said nodding his head and sheepishly grinning at us.
“That’s my cousin!” Hwanhee gave the shut-up look.
“Gees what is all this shouting for?” Junjin appeared at the door way. With bulging eyes and a wide mouth Junjin stared at us.
“Hey can I get some sleep around here?” Eric said casually walking in. He took one look at us then at the guys then back at us. “Did I miss something?” he gave us a confused. 
“How come everyone is up at three in the morning?” Hyesung came shouting in. When he saw us he just gave us a big smile, “You’re taking really good care of Minwoo, Jina,” he said. 
“Minwoo they’re staring because you’re face is still on my stomach,” I hissed at him trying to get him off. 
“What if they are looking? I want to sleep right here on you’re stomach all day long and I don’t care if they stare,” he said as he pushed down on my stomach with his head and laid it there. 
“Wait!” Junjin said finally out from his dazed form. “I want to join too,” he said rushing over and then jumping on to the bed. 
“Aaaahhhhh Junjin,” I screamed as he started to jump up and down on the bed while he was on his knees. Minwoo’s bed was not a good bed to jump on because it was a water bed. Minwoo had to move away from by stomach and lean his head on my shoulders.
“Hey what about me?” Dongwan came to join Junjin. Let’s just hope he doesn’t break the bed.
“This looks like fun. I haven’t done this since I was ten,” Andy rushed over to join them. He sat on the edge moving the bed. 
“What the heck! I’m awake,” Eric shrugged and came to sit next to Andy. 
“That’s not how you jump on a bed,” Hyesung looked at Junjin. “This is how,” he took a big leap and almost hit my legs but I moved them in time.
“Aaahhhh be careful. It’s a water bed,” I said to them all. I then look back to the door way were Hwanhee was. “Come and join us Hwanhee,” I invited him. He was the only one I invited. I guess this came out to be a family gathering. Hwanhee walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. 
“I love this bed. I can sleep in it too,” Junjin said. He stopped jumping and came to lie next to Minwoo. 
“Noooooooooo,” Minwoo said. “You snore.”
“No I don’t,” Junjin said.
“Yes you do. I could hear you from down the hall,” Eric nodded his head. All the jumping had stopped. 
“I won’t believe it until I hear it,” Junjin said putting his chin up at all of us. We laughed at him.
“So what does this mean?” Hwanhee looked at the both of us. 
I looked at Minwoo and I didn’t know what to say. I don’t even know what it means at all. All six pairs of eyes were looking at us now. I don’t have an answer. What happened tonight could mean a lot of things. 
“It means I love her,” everyone gasp at his words including me. I didn’t see that coming at all. I wouldn’t think he would have said that. 
“And what about you?” Hwanhee said coming out of his momentarily shock. 
Great he had to put me in the spotlight. What am I suppose to say?
“I…I….” I tried to say something but nothing would come out besides I. “I haven’t figure that out yet,” Oh God I hope Minwoo was not mad at me for saying that. I hope he understands that I don’t know what I feel. 
“It’s ok. I’ll wait for you to figure it out. I’ve waited a long time,” he said. Everyone seemed to be satisfied with my answer. 

*one week later*

I held onto Minwoo’s hand as we drove through the city. We had just come back from the spreading of his brother’s ashes. It was very hard for him to do. He almost broke down a couple of times. I never knew he could be so weak like that. His father and sister couldn’t come to the memorial for his brother because of a snow storm. 
We filled out all the paper work for the case with the police. The media had its field day trying to figure out what had happened. The cops told them a story that was only half of the truth. Although Seunghun was dead they arrested the other gang members related to the death of Taehyung. They also caught the guy that was trying to kill Minwoo during the race. Everything seemed to be settling down now. 
Minwoo pulled Hyesung’s BMW into the garage and we got out of the car. Shinhwa had to go start on their next album later on in the day. They’re going to be busy and I’m going to miss having them around the house more especially when it gets cold. Christmas was coming up soon and I needed to do my shopping, something I never really done. I mean I shopped a lot for myself. And Christmas was one of those rare occasions when I got to sit around with my father, my step mom and Susan. But this year was going to be different. Because my gifts are going to be out of love and not obligation.
We walked into the house hand in hand. The rest of the guys were resting before they had to go work. It was going to be a long night for them. Minwoo had wanted only me present for the spreading of his brother’s ashes. I don’t know why though. 
“You look tired. You need rest too,” I said giving him a kiss on the cheeks.
“You don’t look so good yourself too,” he said rubbing my cheek with his gloved hand.
“You need it more than I do. Go upstairs and rest. I’ll have lunch ready by the time you wake up,” I said pushing him towards the stairs.
“Fine and I’ll be dreaming of you while you’re cooking for me,” he said. He gave me a kiss on my lips and went up stairs.
*ring* The phone began to ring.
“Hello,”
“Jina!”
“Father?”
“What the hell is this? I heard that you got someone killed there. What is going on? I didn’t send you there to cause anymore more trouble!” my father practically shouted in my ear.
“It’s nothing you would understand,” I said with the same amount of anger back at him. 
“I don’t care. You’re a hazard everywhere you go. You are coming back to California right now!” 
“No, I’m not coming back. And you can’t make me,”
“Yes you will. And I’ll make you,”
“What about Susan huh? Why don’t you ask her to come back?” I brought up my sister.
“She’s going to college there,” he said. Arrgh. He always makes me so angry. He’s always trying to find an excuse for her so she could look better than me.
“Ha! Yeah right! If that is so then why the hell is she pregnant with Brian’s baby?” I shouted at him through the phone. *gasp* Oh shit! He wasn’t suppose to know that yet.
“What!!!!!!!!!”
“…..”
“You’re lying.”
“No I’m not.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Fine don’t believe me. Call her yourself,” I said and hanged up the phone and threw it at the couch.
“AArrrggggghhhhhhhh” I grumbled in frustration.
“What did the phone ever do to you?” It was Hwanhee.
“He made me listen to my father,” 
“Yeah I heard. You don’t have to go back,” Hwanhee said. He must have heard everything.
“I don’t want to but I have to. But I’m not going yet. He’s not going to ruin Christmas for me.”
“I don’t want you to ever go back,”
“Me too, I don’t want to go back,” But I must go back. 

Chp. 30

A couple days later

What if all this was just an illusion? What if he doesn’t love me and all of this was just my imagination because I want to be loved so much? Sometimes when he holds me in his arms I wonder if this was real. I’m afraid because love never seemed to stay by my side. Do I doubt his love for me? No, I do doubt what I feel for him. I don’t want to go through the kind of pain I went through with Brian. What if in the end what I feel for him isn’t love? I should shut up. He loves me I know that. Rather I love him, I’m not sure. What is this thing they call love? I once thought I knew what it was but now I’m not sure. My mind is all screwed up from the talk I had with my father the other day. It got me thinking. I have to tell him but I’m so afraid to. He’s been too good to me and I know everything was going to be ruin once I tell him that I’m leaving.
I couldn’t sleep last night, not because another nightmare, but because I couldn’t decide if I should leave at all. I thought long and hard about it and I have an obligation to fulfill. When my mother passed away when I was two, she left all of her money to me to collect when I turn twenty-one. I barely learned of this when I turned sixteen so for the last five years I’ve been wondering about it. It wasn’t only her money that she left me but other things too. Things that I must claim or it’ll go to my father, something I don’t want to happen at all. It’s all I got left of my mother besides her eyes. I needed to do this for her and for me. I hope he understands. I don’t want to leave him. I’ll be back at least I think I will. There’s not going to be much left for me in the States after my mother’s will. I don’t know what I have plan for the future. Right now my fate lies in hands of my mother’s will.

*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

“I baked you guys some sugar cookies!” I shouted as I brought a plate full of cookies into the living room. 
“Mmmmm…so this is what smells good,” Andy took a sniff of the cookies.
“They look good too,” Dongwan grabbed one and examined it. 
“And taste good,” Eric munched away at the cookie. 
“Your tree is a little tilted to the left,” I told them as I looked at the green Douglas Fir, which was standing at the corner of the room by the fire place. It was still naked because the guys had barely bought it and was setting it up. 
“That’s what I told them,” Junjin said as he walked in from the backyard. He shook off the snow and threw his hat on the couch. 
“Junjin you’re causing a mess,” I said laying down the plate of cookies and picking up Junjin’s hat. 
”Sorry,” he apologized, “Yum cookies.”
“Where are all of the ornaments?” I asked as I sat down on the couch. 
“There’s some in the attic and Minwoo and Hyesung went to go buy more,” Dongwan explained.
“Do you guys do this every year?” I pondered. 
“Ever since we became Shinhwa, yeah,” Junjin answered.
“One year we were all sick except for Eric so he got to decorate it all by himself. It was a disaster,” Andy shook his head. 
“Why?” I was curious. 
“It was ugly,” Dongwan made a disgusted face.
“It wasn’t that bad,” Eric defended himself.
“Eric, you hanged up one of your socks for an ornament and used a bottle of vodka for your angel,” Junjin eyed him.
“I told you guys I was drunk,” Eric tried to explained. “I bet if you three were drunk you wouldn’t have done a better job than I did,” 
“We could too,” Andy stood up.
“Ha! Yeah right! You’ll probably think the tree is a toilet and use it,” Eric shot back. 
“No I wouldn’t,” Andy shouted back.
“Prove it then,” Eric got up and went into the kitchen. He came back out with a six pack of beer. “Are you ready?” Eric challenged not only Andy but also Dongwan and Junjin.
“Hey no drinking you guys have some recording to do tomorrow,” I said as I got up to take the beer away from Eric. I’m beginning to sound a lot like Hwanhee. 
“Humph! Fine! Next year,” Eric eyeballed them.
“C’mon lets decorate,” I took Eric hand and pulled him towards the Christmas tree. Dongwan went up to the attic to get the ornaments and the rest of us put lights on the tree. I’ve never really decorated a Christmas tree before. My step-mom always had someone professional to come decorate our house and tree. It was a joy decorating the tree with them. We only had on the lights and some silver strings when Hyesung and Minwoo came home. 
“Oh what did you guys get?” Andy jumped up and went to go look in the bags.
“Things only for my eyes,” Hyesung said snatching a bag away from him.
“Don’t be so mean,” Andy pouted.
“I’m just kidding with you,” Hyesung selected a bag from the hundreds that he was carrying, “Here you can have this one,” he said.
“These are just ornaments,” Andy complained as he looked inside.
“They’re to decorate the tree with duh! I’m not giving you your Christmas present yet,” Hyesung said and turned to walk up stairs. 
“So what did you get me?” I asked Minwoo as I helped him with his scarf. I took off his black beanie and gave him a kiss on the forehead. 
“Who said I got you anything?” Minwoo lifted an eyebrow at me.
“If you didn’t get me anything then you can’t have any of my cookies,” I turned and walked towards the cookies lying on the table. I took a hold of my cookies and held on to them tightly. I pretended to be mad at Minwoo and ignored him. 
“Oh no, they’re going to have their first fight,” Eric said.
“This isn’t their first fight remember all those time they fought over the stupidest things,” Andy stated.
“Shut up and eat this cookie,” I said throwing a cookie at him. It hit him right between the eyes. Everyone else laughed.
“C’mon Jina can’t I just have one cookie,” Minwoo said coming to sit next to me. 
“No,”
“Fine then, I guess you can’t have this,” he said showing me a present wrapped in red with a silver bow. . 
“What is it?” I said inspecting the box. 
“Open it,” he put it in my lap.
“I was just kidding with you. I don’t want an early Christmas present,” I looked at him seriously.
“It needs to be open early,” he encouraged me.
“I can’t,”
“Just open it Jina,” I heard Dongwan say. 
I looked at the present then back to Minwoo. He nodded his head. I opened the carefully wrapped present. I then open the box and inside was one of the most beautiful things I’ve seen. I was in aw. 
“Oh my God,” I whispered as I took it out of it’s box, “It’s beautiful.” 
“What is it?” Andy came to see. 
“It’s my tattoo on this ornament,” I said holding up the ornament. It was the color of ocean green and the dolphins were blue just like my tattoo. Written around the ornament was “Our First Christmas”. 
“Wow, that’s cool,” Eric said looking at it. 
“How did you do it?” I asked still at aw. 
“I had it made especially for you. They have a store that specialized in these things,” he explained.
“Thank you soooo much,” I said and gave him a hug.
“You’re welcome. Now put it on the tree,” he commanded me.
“Ok. Only if you put it on with me,” I got up and offered him my hand.
“Ok. We’ll do this together,” Minwoo took my hand. We went to the Christmas tree which was ornament free and together we put the ornament on it. I don’t think life can get any better or happier than this. I feel so happy just because he’s here by my side. It makes everything else so much better. As if no one was around I put my arms around Minwoo’s neck and leaned in to kiss him softly on the lips. 
“Thank you,” I whispered to him as I pulled away from the kiss. 
“Ahem ahem…” someone was trying to get our attention.
“There are other people living in this house you know,” Junjin said.
“Stop trying to eat each other and eat this,” Andy threw a cookie at both of us. It struck Minwoo in the head. 
“You little…” Minwoo pulled away from me and chased after Andy. We all laughed as he chased him upstairs. 
*ding dong* The door bell rang. 
“I’ll get that,” I said still laughing. I opened the door to see my sister and Brian. They didn’t look too happy. 
“Hey guys,” I greeted them. 
“Hi, we need to talk,” Susan marched in followed by Brian.
“What’s going on?” I closed the door behind them. 
“You told him,” Susan accused me. Oh god I forgot that I told our father about Susan’s condition. 
“Guys can I talk to my sister alone,” I emphasized on “alone”. 
“Yeah,”
“Sure,”
“No problem,” the guys left to go upstairs. I didn’t want to start an argument in front of them.
“I’m sorry it wasn’t my fault. It kind of slipped when I was talking to him,” I felt guilty. 
“How can it just kind of slip?” Brian asked.
“You still hate me don’t you?” Susan began to pace around, before I could answered she said, “I know you do,”
“No I don’t but I might just begin to if you’re blaming your problems on me. It’s the truth, it just slipped out. You know how I am when I talk to our father. Anything and everything will come out of my mouth,” I said with a little anger in my voice.
“He called and he was furious about it,” Brian added.
“I would be too if I was him,” I gave Brian an evil look. 
“What am I going to do? How am I going to face him?” Susan said still pacing around. 
“Don’t worry about it. You’re eighteen years old. You don’t need him to make decisions for you anymore,” I told her and stopped her from her pacing. 
“You don’t get it. I’m not like you. Even with your impulsiveness and recklessness you always seem to get yourself out of trouble. With me it’s different. I’ve never done anything to upset him. I’m scared,” Susan half shouted. 
“The cats out of the bag already, why don’t you guys just go with me?” I suggested.
“Go with you? Back home?” they both said, no wonder they’re perfect for each other. They even think a like. 
“Yes, I think it would be much easier for you if you’re so scared to face him. I’ll be there and I’ll do something I never thought I would do. I’ll protect you from him,” I explained. 
“NO!” Susan shook her head, “I can’t do it yet. I can’t face him,”
“She’s our only hope if we don’t want to get into deeper trouble with our parents,” Brian said to Susan as he put his arms around her. 
“Ok then. When are you leaving?” Susan stood up and asked me. 
“The thirty-first of this month,” I said.
“We’ll try our best to book the same flight,” Brian said.
“Thank you so much Jina. I’m sorry if I acted like a bitch,” she said and to my surprised gave me a hug.
“You’re welcome,” 
“We better get going. We have a lot to do,” Brian tugged on Susan.
“Merry Christmas,” Susan said as I let them out the door. 
Gosh sometimes she can be so hysterical about everything. I thought she was about to blow up on me there. I walked back into the living room and picked up the fallen cookies and put them on the plate. I looked up to the ornament that Minwoo bought me. It was so beautiful and special. 
“So you really are going to leave,”
My heart froze at the sound of his voice. He didn’t hear everything did he? Oh god I hope not. I couldn’t turn around to answer him. My mouth couldn’t move and the words wouldn’t come out. I didn’t want to turn around and face him at all. I just wanted to stand here and look at the ornament. But I had to tell him and now was the best time. 
I took a deep breath and said one simple word, “Yes,”
“I had a feeling it would come down to this. In the back of my mind I always knew you were going to leave,” I heard the sadness in his voice. Oh please don’t do this to me Minwoo. 
“Minwoo…”
“Why couldn’t you just tell me?” he was standing right behind me now. So close I could hear his heartbeat and feel his breath down my back. 
“I didn’t know how to,” I said still staring at the ornament. 
“If I asked you to stay would you?” 
“Minwoo please don’t,” I plead. I don’t want to hear it. 
“Just answer the question damn it,” he was getting angry. 
“No,”
“Why?”
“Please try to understand Minwoo. I have to go back. I have to go back for my mother. Please understand Minwoo,” my voice started to quiver. 
“I don’t want you to go back. I know you’ll never come back,” 
I pulled my gazed away from the ornament and turned to look at Minwoo. I gave him a questioning look. How can he say such a thing? How can he accuse me of never coming back? “I’ll come back,” I assured him. 
“No you won’t,” he stated as if he was so sure. 
“What makes you think that?” I was getting mad. What is he thinking?
“You’re afraid,”
“Afraid of what?”
“You’re afraid of what I got to offer you. You’re afraid of living on your own. You’re afraid of growing up. You still want the attention your father is giving you. You’re afraid to do anything else in this world than ride your bike and live off your father. But most of all you’re afraid to say you love me and I’m beginning to think you don’t,” he accused me. I can’t believe what I’m hearing.
“How can you say that?” I raised my voice, “I’m not afraid of living on my own. Why do you think I’m going back? I’m going to get my money. And I’m not afraid of anything. I came here didn’t I? I put up with this job and everyone around me. And yes maybe I’m asking for attention from my father but don’t I deserve some? And loving you…..” I look down at my shoes but they were just a blur to me because of my tears. “You are right about that. I’m afraid to say it,” I looked up at him, tears streaking down my face. “Because it makes it all so real, it’s hard to say it when there are only two people who ever said it to you and meant it. If you don’t think that I love you then telling you I love you makes no difference now does it?”
“No,”
“Then why are you asking me to say it?”
“I’m sorry you don’t have to say it. I feel it every time you kiss me and every time you hug me. I just want to let you know you don’t have to be afraid of saying it to me,” he pulled me into his arm. 
“I’m just not ready yet,” I said into his shirt. 
“And I’m not ready to let you go,” he whispered. 
“But I have to go,”
“I want you to stay but I understand. Just come back to me all in one piece.”
“I will,” 

Chp. 31

Christmas Day

The other morning I woke up and took a good look in the mirror. And what I saw was nothing. I don’t know who I am anymore. I didn’t recognize the person in the mirror anymore. Where is the Jina who went out and party on the weekends? Where is the Jina who could out race most of the guys back in her home town? Where is the Jina who swore off love when she got her heart broken? I think she’s gone and it kind of scares me. I’ve changed so much I don’t know who I am anymore. There’s a part of me who wants to go back to being free and ride through town on my bike. That’s the part of me that is not ready for what Minwoo has to offer me. 
When I was with Brian mostly everything I did I did it for him. I didn’t realize until we broke up that Brian had such a control over me. I did things without even realizing it. I don’t know if it’s going to be like that with Minwoo. I don’t want this relationship to be like the one I had with Brian. I use to cling onto Brian like he was my world. I gave him all my love and all I got in return was an illusion of love, something I made up in my mind. They say I should listen to my heart but my heart isn’t talking. It doesn’t say anything at all. All it ever does is flutters every time he kisses me or touches me or even looks at me. Jaded hearts don’t speak; they are too beaten down, to even speak a mere whisper. 
I told the rest of the guys that I have one week left before I go back. When I do go back I’m going to have to make a decision on what I’m going to do with my life. I don’t know what to do. Maybe I’ll go back to college? But for what? And what about Minwoo, I know I want to be with him. But what is left here for me in Korea? I don’t want to be a maid all my life, I know that for sure. So what am I going to do here? I don’t know. I don’t know anything about my future anymore. I’ll try to take it one step at a time. 
*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

The sensation of someone nibbling at my ear woke me up. There was only one person in this house who would do this. With my eyes still closed a slow grin displayed on my face.
“Merry Christmas,” I whispered as I opened my eyes to look at Minwoo. 
“Darn you’re awake,” Minwoo plopped himself up on his elbows and stared down at me, “I was planning to seduce you while you were asleep,” he grinned.
“And how did you plan to do that?” I raised an eyebrow at him. 
“Like this,” he bent down and our lips touch. With his fingers he swept away strands of my hair. Once again my heart began to flutter. (Author’s note: I hate kissing scenes they are the hardest to describe. Sorry it’s corny)
Minwoo pulled away from the kiss and then sat up on his knees. 
“Are you ready for today?” he asked.
“No I’m not. I want to stay in bed all day,” I began to tug the blanket from underneath his knees. 
“I like the sound of that,” he said and came to lie down next to me. He wrapped his arm around my waist and drew me closer to him. 
“What time is it?” I asked.
“It’s early,” he stroked my cheeks.
“Jinaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” we heard someone say from outside. Minwoo frowned when he saw the door knob twist and the door open. 
“I had a feeling you would be in here Minwoo,” Dongwan said. He was still in his pajamas, which consist of a yellow smiley faces, a white tank top and yellow ducky slippers. (Authors note: muahahahaha it’s cute isn’t it?)
“Yah Dongwan! Why is it that when ever I want to spend sometime with Jina one of you guys are always around?” Minwoo whined. 
“It’s not fair you’re always with her and we never get any time,” Dongwan pouted and came to sit at the foot of the bed. 
“Merry Christmas!” Andy came jumping into the room. He came to sit on the side of the bed Minwoo wasn’t occupying. 
“They don’t want to leave us alone,” Minwoo eyed Andy.
I chuckled at Minwoo and said to Andy, “Merry Christmas,”
“Let’s go open some presents,” Andy said rubbing his hands together. 
“NO! I want food first,” Dongwan shouted. 
“How about you guys both leave and let us be alone,” Minwoo half-scolded them. 
“Hmm….how about this…” Dongwan gave Andy a you-know-what-to-do look. “You can be left alone and we’ll take Jina,” Dongwan finished as both he and Andy pulled me out of bed. Dongwan threw me over his shoulders and started to run out the door. I looked up from my position to see Andy push Minwoo down onto the bed and then followed Dongwan.
“Hey bring her back here. She’s mine!” Minwoo yelled.
“Dongwan put me down!” I started to hit his back. 
“But Jina, you’ll be gone in a week and I want my own time with you. You know what I mean,” Dongwan joked as he carried me down the stairs.
“Heeellllllllllllllllp!” Andy screamed. Dongwan put me down at the bottom of the stairs and we both look up to see Andy running our way with a furious Minwoo after him. 
“Dongwan, he’s going to kill me,” Andy quickly ran and stood behind Dongwan. 
“Don’t take my girl away from me again. She belongs to me,” Minwoo shoved Dongwan and took a hold of my hand. He pulled me to his side. 
“Belong to you? I don’t belong to anyone,” I shook out of his hold.
“Yeah she doesn’t belong to you,” Andy said from behind Dongwan.
“Shut up Andy!” Minwoo shouted.
“But Minwoo….” Dongwan pouted and gave Minwoo a puppy face, “I thought I belong to you,” he slowly walked up to Minwoo. There was a hint of a smile on his face. 
“You’re right. You do. Who cares about this Jina girl,” Minwoo shoved me and gave Dongwan a hug. 
*gasps* those bastards. 
“Humph in that case. Andy lets go open up some presents and leave these two love birds alone,” I took a hold of Andy’s hand. 
“Yay! I get Jina,” Andy celebrated.
“Wait no! She’s mine. Dongwan is too hairy,” Minwoo rushed over to us. Andy and I laugh at what he just said. 
“Hairy? I’m bald and I don’t even have a hair on my chest,” He exposed his chest to check.
“What is this? You’re Christmas present to them is a strip show?” Hyesung questioned as he came walking down the stairs. He, unlike the rest of us, who were still in our pajamas, was dressed up. 
“No this one is for you,” Dongwan gave a fake kiss to Hyesung as he reach the bottom of the steps.
“Get your chapped lips out of my face,” Hyesung shoved his face away. 

“But Hyesungie I love you,” Dongwan pouted and held out his arms waiting for a hug from Hyesung. 
“I love you too Dongwan but not in that way,” Hyesung said and walked towards us. 
“Aaawww Dongwan I love you,” I said and went to go give him a hug.
“Muahahahahahahaha she’s mine now,” Dongwan scooped me up and started to run upstairs. 
“Hey bring her back here,” I heard Minwoo shout. 
“Dongwan you are a sly one,” I laughed at him. 
“He needs a little exercise anyways,” Dongwan grinned. 

After Minwoo and Dongwan calm down we went to cook some breakfast. Minwoo helped me out and by nine o’clock everyone was awake. Sidney, Hyesung’s fiancé, and Emily, Junjin’s girlfriend came over to spend the day. I also invited Susan and Brian. We ate breakfast and then the time came to open presents.
“Hmm…I wonder what this is.” Eric said looking at the square box wrapped with red and silver gift wrap. It was my gift to him. 
“Just open it,” I smiled at him. 
He started to tear it apart. He then opened the box and took out the strips of paper covering the gift. He pulled out the gift and examined it as if it was a foreign object. 
“English 101 for foreigners…” he read the title. His eyes squinted together as he tried to figure out what it was. And then the light finally hit him and he turned to me and pouted, “My English isn’t that bad,”
“Of course it’s not but I think you might just need a little help,” I patted his hand.
“Hahahahaha I’ll help you out if you need it Eric,” Hyesung laughed.
“What? You’re not even as good as me,” Eric defended, “‘I must gonna get you’, what the heck is that?” Eric said making fun of Hyesung.
“I didn’t write that part,” Hyesung retorted back.
“Well its still sucks,” Eric said.
“Stop fighting boys. There’s still something else in there,” I said. 
“Oh let me see,” Eric began to search for it. He took out a smaller box and opened it. Inside was a watch. “Thank you so much Jina. I needed one,” He hugged me.
“You’re welcome,” I said. 
We continued to open presents for the next couple of hours. Everyone seemed happy with their presents. The best present so far was the gold necklace Junjin gave to Emily. It was stunning. I was twenty-four karate gold necklace with a tear drop diamond. She was a very very happy girl. It was now my turn to give my present to Minwoo. It took me forever to find out what I was going to get him. But in the end it was the simplest thing to figure out. 
“Here’s your gift,” I handed a small box to him. He took it eagerly and opened it.
“A key?” he raised an eyebrow at me.
“It’s just not any key. It belongs to something,” I said. 
“Your heart?” he questioned.
“No probably even better,” I got up and went to the door that led to the garage. Everyone else followed. “It’s in here,” I opened the door to reveal the exact duplicate of Minwoo’s bike that I had ruined. It wasn’t paid in full yet but I got a good deal on it. I had some money stash away, just enough to make a down payment on it. 
”Jina….you didn’t have to,” Minwoo stared at the bike.
”Yes I did. I owe you a bike and so much more,”
“You make me the happiest man alive,” Minwoo hugged me.
“Let’s go for a ride,” I suggested. 
“No not yet. I have to give you my gift to you,” He said dragging me into the house. “I want you to sit here,” He pointed at the couch. 
“Ok,” I did what he told me to do. He came to sit next to me.
“I’ve only known you for six months but during those times we’ve been through so much together. And there is nothing I regret about it,” he took my hand into his, “I think I fell in love with you the first moment I looked into the incredibly beautiful eyes of yours. That night when I looked into them it took me by surprised. In them I saw so much pain, hopelessness, heartaches, sadness, but I also saw all your dreams, hopes, love, fantasies and I wanted so much to be part of it. I just had to be. I knew that I had to be a part of you. I wanted to get rid of your pain and heartaches but I didn’t know how to. I showed it in the dumbest way because I wasn’t sure myself if I was in love with you. But in the back of my heart I always knew I was in love with you. The only probably was getting you to love me. But now I know that what we have is very special. It’s something I don’t ever want to let go. And I know that you will always be the only one for me so….” Minwoo moved away from me and went down on one knee, he then took out a blue velvet box, “Jina Choi will you marry me?”

Chp. 32

What the hell did he just say? I can’t believe my eyes or ears. I stood up from where I was sitting, still in a dazed. I stared down at the platinum ring with a sparkling sapphire staring at me, waiting for my answer. Something inside of me began to build up. I don’t know what it was but I all of a sudden I became really angry.
“What did you just say?” I gave Minwoo a questioning look.
“I asked you to marry me,” he said calmly.
“No before that,”
“What do you mean?” he said confused.
“You said that you fell in love with me that first night?” I began to raise my voice.
“Yes,” he simply stated.
“But yet you had the nerves to go on and have a relationship with Hyekung and Hyori,” I practically shouted at him. How dare he? He was beginning to look worry. “Let me get this straight, that day when you got back with Hyori you were in love with me, those nights when you came back from her house you were in love with me, those times when you were such a jerk to me, you were in love with me?” Everybody was surprised at my sudden outburst. The guys were shock and the girls shook their heads in disappointment. Everybody kept silent not knowing what to do. The tension was building up in the room. I walked away and turned my back to everybody.
“Hahahahahaha…” my laughter rang throughout the silent room. It wasn’t a laughter filled with happiness but more with disappointment. This life of mine is just a big disappointment and joke. 
“Jina,” Minwoo said from behind. I turned around and looked at him straight in the eyes. 
I shook my head from side to side, “That’s not love Minwoo. I don’t know what you were thinking. I don’t know what I was thinking,” I said and looked down to the floor.
“It is love,” it was his turn to get angry. He grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me forcing my head up to look at him. “Damn it. It is love. I don’t understand why you think its not. You feel it too and don’t deny it,” he said looking at me straight in the eyes. 
“Let go of me,” I shouted pushing his hands away. “I know what I feel. And I’ll admit it you make me happy, happier than I’ll ever be. But you’re the one who doesn’t know how you feel. You’re the one that who claimed they fell in love with me but still went to go have a relationship with someone else. That ISN’T love Minwoo. You’re no better than Brian. Why the hell didn’t you ever tell me? Why did you go on like that?” the tears were beginning to form. 
“Because you wouldn’t have understood it then,” he answered.
“I don’t even understand it now Minwoo,” I took a deep breath trying to hold my tears back. “I gotta get out of here,” I said looking around for my jacket. 
“What the hell do you want from me Jina?” Minwoo shouted pulling me back to look at him. “Do you want me to tell you that I thought about you every night for the last six months? Do you want me to tell you that I would sacrifice my life for you? Do you want me to come riding up on a white horse to rescue you from all the pain and hurt you have in your life?”
“I don’t want anything from you,” I shouted back while wiping away my tears. Why does it hurt so much? Why the hell was this happening? I finally found something good and all in one moment it’s gone. 
“Yes you do,” Minwoo said in a softer voice. “I don’t think you’ll ever accept it,”
I looked at Minwoo and then to all the people around us. I put on my jacket and went to the door and ran as fast as I could. I made footprints in the snow with each step. The snow was falling again and the streets were quiet. It was around twelve in the afternoon and everyone was probably inside having a great time with their families. 
When I looked at all those people in the room I finally knew what it was like to be loved. I saw the disappointment in there faces and I knew it came out of the love they have for me. I love them each and every one of them, even Brian, with all my heart. But it’s a different kind of love that I’ve been searching for. The love I want comes deep within the soul and blankets me with warmth, kisses my pain away, and soothes my soul. That’s what he does to me. I found it in him. But you might ask why did I run away? Because I’m selfish and I want more. If he really loved me since that night, he wouldn’t have gone out with Hyori; he would have acted like a jerk to me. I just need time to think about it. I didn’t know that he loved me then and it shouldn’t matter but it’s still a betrayal in my book. He cheated me. He cheated me out of the love that I could have had. And I’m sorry that I can’t give him what he wants.

It was around ten o’clock at night when I got back home. I’ve been walking around the city for ten hours doing a lot of thinking. When I first got here I thought everything was going to suck. I thought I wouldn’t like it one bit and I couldn’t just wait to go back home. But I’ve grown up a lot here more than I did at home. I’ve learned a lot. The memories that I made here will always be with me. I’ve become a stronger, better and different person with those events in my life. It took me six months here to finally made me realized what I needed to do with my life. My father was right; this was a good thing for me. 
I quietly opened the door to the house hoping that no one was around to see me but I wasn’t lucky enough. Hwanhee and the Shinhwa guys were there except for Minwoo. I didn’t expect him to be there though. 
“Jina!” Hwanhee shouted coming up to give me a hug. “You’re alright thank God,” 
“Of course I am, why wouldn’t I be?” I said pulling away from him and taking of my jacket to be hang.
“Well you did run out of here,” Hyesung said coming up to us. The rest of the guys followed him.
“You worried us too much,” Junjin added.
“You don’t have to worry about me. I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself,” I said.
“We know but after everything that happened…we….umm…” Andy tried to say but he quieted down. 
“I’ll be alright I promise. I’m really tired and I just need some rest,” I yawned. I think the guys caught the idea that I didn’t want to talk any longer, so they just nodded their heads and bid me a goodnight. I walked upstairs and got ready for bed. I was really tired. It’s been an eventful day for me. I was about to climb into bed when there was a knock on my door. I froze in place not knowing who it was and hoping it wasn’t him. I couldn’t face him right now.
“Who is it?” I yelled at the door.
“It’s me, Hwanhee,” he said. I didn’t want any visitors right now but this was Hwanhee, my cousin, the guy who always looked out for me so I let him in.
“What’s up?” I asked him as I went to sit on my bed. 
He pulled something from behind him. It was a gift. “You never opened the present I got you,” he said handing it to me.
“I’m sorry,” I said taking it from him. I began to unwrap the gift. It was a snow globe with a little house inside. It had two children playing outside and the parents watching them at the door. I shook the globe to let the snow fall and smiled as I watch it twirled around the house and the people.
“My home is your home no matter where you are. You always have a place here,” Hwanhee whispered.
“Thank you so much Hwanhee,” I gave him a hug. He’s the best cousin anyone could ever have. Without him I don’t think I would have survived these last six months. He was always there for me whenever I needed him. Whenever I got into trouble he was more worried about me than I was. I started to cry and didn’t let go of Hwanhee.
“You don’t have to cry it’s just a snow globe,” Hwanhee said pulling away from me and then looked at me.
“I know it’s just a snow globe,” I sniffed, “but it means so much to me. You’re like a brother to me. You’re the only family that ever really cared about me. You’ve been so great to me and I didn’t even have to ask it from you. You just did it on your own. I’ve been a real bitch and pain in the ass but through it all you stuck by my side. I’m just so grateful that I have someone like you in my life,” I cried even more. 
“Shh….no need to cry. You’re my cousin and I love you like a sister. Everyone here loves you and they are you’re family too,” he said patting my back. 
“Thanks Hwanhee. You always seem to make everything better,” I said wiping my tears away. 
“No problem, what do you think I’m here for?” he said smiling at me.
“I don’t know to help me wash the dishes,” I joked around with him.
“I’m a better dish washer than you,” he stuck out his tongue.
“That’s because you’ve been doing it all your life,” I stuck my tongue back out at him. And then we both started to laugh. Hwanhee gave me a final hug and was about to leave when I stopped him.
“Do you think what I did this afternoon was wrong?” I asked him. I just couldn’t help it. He was being good about not asking me about Minwoo but I just had to make sure I was doing the right thing. Hwanhee paused and turned around to look at me. He took a deep breath before he spoke. 
“I don’t know if it’s wrong or right. You’re going to have to figure that out yourself. All I know is that I see two people who really love each other,” Hwanhee said and he came back to where I was sitting. He took my two hands and looked me in the eyes, “Jina….love is never a smooth path. There are a lot of bumps and rocks on that road. Those rocks and bumps can knock you off that road and lead you somewhere else or they can make you stronger and continue on with that road. Love isn’t pure. It has its weakness and its wicked sides. And they will show up but it is up to you to make the choice if you want to let the bad side destroy you. I think both of you guys are hurting inside and it’s going to take some time,” he said.
“Thank you,” I squeezed his hand. He’s right I need time.




Dec. 31, 2002

It’s been a whole week since Christmas. A whole week since I said no. A whole week since I wounded him. I know he hates me. I can see it in his eyes on the rare occasions when we pass each other in the hall way. We haven’t said one word to each other. It’s been a painful week. Sometimes in the middle of the night I want to run to him and tell him how much I love him. I could finally say it now. I realize it now, but I know it makes no difference. I hurt him too much, so much he could barely look my way. He doesn’t even eat with us because he doesn’t want to look at me. I never knew there could be pain so great. It hurts me knowing that I hurt him so much. I don’t think he’ll ever forgive me for saying no to him. 
I replayed the event that day every night. And sometimes I just wanted to kick myself for saying no especially in front of everybody and especially when he had that look on his face. He was so sure that I was going to say yes but most of all he looked so excited and happy. And I ruined it for him. I feel so guilty. But it’s all been said and done I can’t do anything anymore. It’s too late I leave in about an hour. 
Brian and Susan are also coming along. I’m glad they are. I know it sounds mean but with them along my father is more likely to lecture them than me when we get home. I packed my stuff earlier in the week. The guys wanted to throw me a birthday party but I decline because I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. I wasn’t in the mood to celebrate anything. 
Our flight is going to leave on time. Everyone was here to say good bye to me even Minwoo. I don’t think he wanted to come along. But I think he came because Hyesung made him. I don’t know what to do or what to say to him when I bid my final good bye. It’s going to be the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do in my life. I don’t think I can handle it. It’s too painful. What am I suppose to say to him after saying nothing to him for the last week? How am I supposed to face him after hurting him so much? How am I going to be able to get on that plane knowing there’s a chance I won’t becoming back?
I talked with the guys reminiscing about the past as I waited to board my plane. Everyone spoke but Minwoo who was off by the snack machine just staring at it. Every now and then I would sneak a peek and take a look at him. Sometimes he stared off into space and sometimes he paces around. Was he as nervous as I am?
“Jina it’s time to go,” Brian voice broke me away from my thoughts. 
”Oh ok,” I said picking up my bag. I stood up to say my final good bye to the guys. They all stood up in a row. The first one was Andy.
“I had fun while I was here. And you made every day even better,” I said to him.
“I’m going to miss you a lot,” He sniffed. He was about to cry. “You were the best. It’s not going to be fun anymore with you gone,” he gave me a hug. 
“I’m sure you’ll have a lot of fun without me. There are six other guys in the house,” I stated.
“Yeah but none of them are as pretty as you,” he pulled me away and looked at me. 
“I can be as pretty as her,” Junjin said knocking Andy out of the way to give me a hug. I laughed at his gesture. “How am I going to live with out you?” Junjin faked a cry. 
“I’m sure you’ll survive Junjin,” I said looking up at him.
“I’m going to miss you. You always brighten up my day,” he said sincerely.
“You did the same to my day too,” I gave him one last hug and kiss him on the cheek.
It was now Eric’s turn. 
“You take care of yourself now,” he said giving me a hug.
“I will and you take those cooking lessons now ok,” I joked with him.
“I promise not to cook anymore,” he lifted up his left hand. 
I laughed at him, “Good bye Eric,” I gave him a kiss on the cheeks.
“I want a kiss on the lips,” Dongwan pursed out his lips. 
“In your dreams Dongwan,” I kindly shoved him away. He began to pout.
“Oh I will be dreaming of you,” He lifted up both of his eyebrows. “Hahaha I’m just kidding come here,” He gave me a big hug.
“I’ll miss you a lot,” I said with him still hugging me, “Now let go of me before you break one of my ribs,” I barely choked out. That boy was strong. 
“Ok ok…I’ll miss you too,” he said letting me go. I then turned to Hyesung.
“I’m going to miss getting you drunk,” I smiled at him.
“I’m not,” he smiled back and gave me a hug.
“Tell Sidney she’s a great nurse and that she’s a lucky girl,” I said.
“Oh I will. I’m glad I had a chance to meet you Jina Choi. You’re a great girl,” he said and I smiled back at him.
“So this is it,” Hwanhee said with his hand in his pockets as he rocked back and forth on his heels.
“Yes it is,” I gave him a weak smile.
“Come here for one last hug,” he opened his arms to me and I gave him a hug. “I hope everything goes well with your father,” he said still hugging me.
“Hahahaha…” I laughed, “Nothing ever goes well with my father,”
“You may be surprised,” he said which confused me; “I’m going to miss you. You have to promise to at least call or write to me while you’re gone. I want to know how everything goes,”
“Sheesh always the overprotected one aren’t you?” I looked up at him.
“Of course I am especially when it comes to people I care about,” he gave me another hug.
“I promise then,” I said pulling out of his embrace. 
The next and last person was Minwoo. I don’t know if I could do this. I stood in front of him and on cue everyone around us left so it was only me and him. Great they expected me to do this on my own. I couldn’t even look him in the eyes. I just stared pass his right shoulder.
“Good...d….” I couldn’t even say it. I took a deep breath, “Good….bye……Minwoo,” I could feel the knots twisting in my stomach and the tears forming in my eyes. What is he going to say? I waited and waited and waited for him to say something but he didn’t. It hurts so much. He couldn’t even say anything to me. He couldn’t even say good bye. Fighting back my tears I step in closer and tried to give him a kiss on the cheek but he pulled away. It was like a slap in the face without the physical touch. He wouldn’t even let me kiss him good bye. I must have hurt him deeply. This wasn’t as simple as I thought it would be but nothing in life was ever simple. I couldn’t fight the tears anymore and they started to rush down my face. 
“Jina we have to go,” I faintly heard Susan in the background. I was still facing Minwoo but this time I looked him in the eyes. I took a deep breath and turned around only to be stopped by Minwoo, who tugged at my hand.
“Stay with me,” I heard him whispered. I froze in place, not believing what I was hearing. 
I turned my head to look at Minwoo. His eyes sparkled with unshed tears.
“I can’t Minwoo. I can’t,” I said and with all the strength that I could find inside of me I walked away to the gate to board my plane. 

Chp. 33

It took us two hours from the airport to get back to the small town. I cried so much while I was on the airplane. I don’t think I ever cried that much in my life. I couldn’t stay with him and he knew it too. I had to leave. I thought he understood that but at the very last minute he asked me to stay. So what does that mean? I already miss him like crazy. How am I going to survive this?
I looked out the window of the Mercedes our chauffer was driving us back home. It was a lonely stretch of highway. Nothing was to been seen, it was kind of peaceful. The first thing I’m going to do once I get home is ride my bike. I want to have that feeling again. I want to feel the wind dance through my hair. I want to have it kiss my cheeks. I want to feel the rush inside as I go eighty miles per hour down the freeway. I want to feel free from all that had happen in Korea.
“Jina we’re home,” Brian brought me out of my thoughts.
“Yes we are,” I said looking to find the three story house in front of me. All three of us got out of the car. It was still dark and it was about three in the morning on this very first day of the year 2003. 
“Are you guys ready?” I turned to look at Brian and Susan. 
They both took a deep sigh, “We have to do this sooner or later,” Susan said. I think they are both nervous. I’m nervous for them. All three of us climbed the steps to the door. I knocked on it waiting for someone to answer. The door opened and there stood our butler Lance, who has been working for my father for the last thirty years or so.
“Welcome home,” he greeted us. Brian and Susan walked in first and I followed.
“Miss Jina,” the butler stopped me. 
”Yes?” I questioned him.
“I haven’t seen those eyes in a very long time,” he commented.
“I haven’t order any new contacts,” I explained to him.
“I don’t think you need to,” he smiled and left. What did he mean by that? Was he trying to give me a compliment?
Brian and Susan were waiting for me in the hallway to my father’s library. They really didn’t want to do this alone. We have been informed that our father was waiting for us. He wouldn’t even give us time to rest after our long flight. Everything always had to be his way. We were all tense at what was going to happen.
“Don’t worry Brian if he kicks your ass I got your back,” I winked at him to lighten up the mood. We all gave a small laugh and walk to our destiny. I didn’t bother to knock I never did anyways. I opened the door and all three of us walked in.
My father was at his desk sitting in the same old chair that I’ve seen him in for my whole life. He was looking through some documents like he always did. As far as I know nothing has changed about him. He looked up at us and then started to put away his stuff. We just stood by the couch waiting for him to say something. He came around the desk and stood in front of us. 
He took one look at Brian and then Susan and said three words, “Explain it again!” that was far from I love you. 
Brian took a deep breath and said, “Well you see Mr. Choi I fell in love with Susan along time ago when I was with Jina and…” Brian stopped because my father gave him a stern look. It was kind of funny. 
“Continue!” My father said in his demanding voice.
“And we fell in love and got engaged when we both went to Korea and now she’s pregnant,” Brian spitted out. 
My father looked at Brian and then to Susan and then to Brian again. He didn’t say anything at all, which makes everything even scarier when he doesn’t say anything at all. He turned around and went back to sit in his seat. He folded his arms across his chest and then turned to me and said, “What do you think of all of this?” I was surprised he was even asking me such a question. I thought he was going to bitch at me for what happened in Korea. 
What did I really think of this?...... “I think it’s great. I’m happy for both of them. I’m going to be a aunt and you’re going to be a grandfather and Susan’s mom is going to be a-“
“Susan! Oh my baby!” before I could even finish my sentence Susan’s mom came running in. She took a hold of Susan and gave her a big hug. And then she started going hysterical and saying all these stuff. She was overreacting once again. 
“You!” she shouted and pointed at Brian. “You did this to her! Why? Why? Look at her stomach its sooooooooo huge now,” she pointed to Susan’s belly.
“I’m sorry Mrs. Choi,” Brian apologized.
“Mommy don’t hit him,” Susan said as her mom began to hit Brian in the arm.
“Now she’s never going to be a model,” her mom cried. 
“Puahahahahahahahahaha…” I started to laugh. This is getting hilarious and entertaining.
“What are you laughing at?” her mom bit at me.
I stopped my laughter and said, “You,” and then gave her a big grin.
“This is all your faulty,” she pointed her finger at me. Oh hell no she did not blame this on me. 
“Me?” I gave her a little laugh. It was just like her to blame everything on me. “Its not my fault your daughter got knocked up and pregnant,” 
“You introduce them!” she tried to find some excuse.
“Hahahahahaha,” I laughed and then gave her a serious face, “There are only ten thousand people in this town they were bound to meet!” I pointed out.
“Humph! But you brought him into this house,” she inched closer to me. Oh god she’s not going to give up. 
“Shut the hell up for once,” I shouted back at her, “It’s not my fault you can’t handle the fact that for once your daughter did something wrong and it was HER fault not mine,” 
“Don’t you dare raise your voice at me!” she became even more angry. 
“I’ll do anything I want you’re not my mother!”
“That’s right you’re mother died a long time ago and she left you the green eye monster here,” she hissed at me. Arrggghhhhh! She hit the wrong nerve.
“You fucken bitch!” I was about to go after her but a hand stopped me. It was my father. I didn’t care if she died. How can she say such a thing? 
“Stop it! Both of you!” my father voice shook the windows.
“Let go of me,” I said pulling away from him. I began to walk out of the room when my father said, “Where are you going?”
I turned around and looked at him, “Anywhere why do you care?”
“Because you are MY daughter and I give a damn,” he yelled.
“You didn’t give a damn then so don’t start now,” I said and turn back and headed out the library door. It was always like this with them, so much drama. I hated it. I hated everything. Nothing ever goes well. I have to get out of here. I ran upstairs to my room. I opened the door only to find my room filled with Susan’s things. What the hell did they do to my things? Arghhhhh! I’m so fucken pissed off I could kill somebody. I ran back down stairs to see all four of them at the stairway.
“Where’s my stuff?” I hissed at Susan’s mom.
“It’s in my room,” Susan gently said. I marched back upstairs. I didn’t care what they think I was doing. I wanted to get out of here. I need to find my keys. 
“You won’t find what you’re looking for,” I heard Susan’s mom said half way up the stairs. What the hell did she mean by that?
“What?” I gave her an evil look.
“We sold it,” she said.
“What the fuck!” I shouted rushing back down the stairs.
“Jina calm down,” Susan said.
“I will not calm down. What the hell did you do to my bike?” 
“We sold it. It was no longer to our use,” Susan’s mom said and looked away.
“That was mine not yours! Who gave you the right to sell it?” I said approaching her.
“Jina calm down please,” Susan put her hand on my shoulders. By the look on her face I could tell she was stressing out over this. I didn’t want her to worry about what happens between me and her mother. Although for a moment there I felt the old me coming back, the new me over came it. 
“Arrghhhhh! I hate you!” I shouted at Susan’s mother and marched back upstairs. I went to my new room. All my things were there. They were even nice enough to arrange it as it was in the other room. I hate this! I hate this! I hate this! I hate this! Everything is already going bad and it’s my birthday too. This had to be one of the worst birthdays ever. I started to pound on my bed and then realized I was hurting myself more than the bed. I couldn’t just sit here anymore. I had to do something. There was still anger burning inside of me. I don’t care anymore. I don’t care if they sold my bike. There are plenty of cars in the garage. I’ll just take one of those. I opened the door and rush downstairs once again. She can’t stop me now. When I reach the bottom of the step no one was there this time. I could hear Susan crying in the library. I think she’ll be ok. I rushed pass the kitchen only to be stop by Lance, our butler.
“Miss Jina, where are you going?” he asked.
“Out!”
“I don’t believe that’s a good idea,” he simply stated.
“Lance did I ever listened to you?”
“No,”
“So what makes you think I’ll listen to you now?”
“Nothing,”

“Ok now that we settle things. Are the keys still in the same place?”
“As always miss,” he responded.
“Thank you,” I said at headed towards the garage. I took the keys to my father’s blue-metallic Mercedes-Benz SL55 AMG. I open the remote garage door and drove off. 

I ended up at the edge of town. The same place I was at after seeing Brian kissed that girl many many many nights ago. It was still dark so I just sat there staring up at the stars. And my thoughts drift to memories of him. I remembered the first time we met, when he bumped into me. He was so cold back then and I had a feeling I wouldn’t get along with him but here I am in love with him. I remembered that night when he fell in love with me. How he calmed me down by just giving me a cigarette. I remembered the time I fell asleep on his bed and woke up all shaken up from a bad dream and how much concerned he had in his voice then. I remembered punching him in the face for telling everyone about my tattoo and eyes. I remembered patching up his hand from the glass cup I made fall. I remembered him meeting up with Hyori again and I now realized I was jealous back then. I remembered the first time he held me in his arms when we went camping. I remembered the night I ruined his bike and how he saved my life, even though he was the one who told me to jump. I remembered how it felt to be touch by him. He made my senses intensify a thousand times more. I remembered dancing with him in the club. I remembered discovering he had a brother and his family past. I remembered our first kiss and how I longed for so much more afterwards. I remembered our second kiss at the shooting of their music videos. I remembered fighting about our kisses and then later on making a stupid deal with an evil gangster. I remembered our first race and then I remember our second when the stakes were so high. I remembered holding him while he cried in my arms. I remembered our happy times together and how hard it was to say “I love you” to him. That was just a couple of weeks ago but it seem like a lifetime ago. I remembered the look on his face when he asked me to marry him and the look afterwards. But most of all I remembered the last look on his face when he asked me to stay. (authors note: Good Lord! I remember the whole story in chronological order too. LOL!) And once again I started crying.

“Well, well, if it isn’t Miss Jina Choi,” I heard a familiar voice said. I opened my eyes to the bright sun shining down on me. I squinted to see who it was.
“Officer Wakely?” 
“The one and only, I see you’re back in town and already breaking the law,” he nodded towards my car.
“I didn’t do anything I’m just sitting here. I think I fell asleep,” I tried to explain. 
“This is private property and you can’t park here,” he pointed out.
“I’m sorry,” I lowered my head.
“What? No argument from you?” he said surprised. 
I shook my head from side to side.
“Maybe Korea did do you a little good. I thought I would never say this but I kind of miss you. There was no one to give out a ticket to,” he smiled at me.
“Don’t worry Officer Wakely. I’m back and you’ll be back in business,” I laughed at him.
“You go home now ok. You look very tired,” he stated.
“Ok I will,” I started the engine to the car and drove home.

When I got home I tried to prepare myself for my father’s lecture, which consisted of trying to think of something else while he talked. I went into the house through the kitchen. There I found our cook up early I nodded to her and left heading towards my room. I needed more sleep. 
“Where have you been?” my father said from behind. This scene between us has happened so many times before. 
“Anywhere,” was always my answer.
“The lawyers are here,” he stated. Lawyers? Lawyers? What is he talking about?
“For what?”
“You don’t remember your mother’s will?” my father questioned.
“Oh shit I forgot,” I said running back down and into my father’s library. 
“Hi,” I said breathlessly as I reach the room. There stood what I believed to be my mother’s old lawyers.
“You must be Miss Jina Choi,” the guy in the black suit said approaching me.
“Yes,” I answered.
“You’re the spitting image of your mother,” the other guy in a gray suit said coming to me. They both stretch out their hands and introduced themselves.
“Lets get down to business Miss Choi,” John, the guy in the black suit said.
“You’re mom left a couple of things for you and as agreed upon you wouldn’t receive those things until you’re twenty-one. Well today you turn twenty-one and they rightfully become yours,” Jacob, the guy in the gray suit said.
“What did she leave behind? As far as I know there is a million dollar for me,” I said.
“A million dollar?” John raised an eyebrow at me. “Who told you that?”
“I kind of overheard it once,” I explained.
“That is incorrect miss, you actually have inherited twenty million dollars and other valuable items from your mother,” he said. Twenty million dollar? Twenty million freakin dollar? Holy cow I’m loaded! I stared at the two lawyers not believing what I was hearing.
“Miss Jina are you okay?” Jacob waved his hand in front of my face.
“I’m better than okay. I’m filthy rich!” I screamed jumping up and down. We all joined in my happiness and laughed.
“But there is a catch,” John stated. My happy face turned sour.
“What?” I asked. 
“You have to use the money wisely. The money you spend will be monitor,” John said.
“What my mother didn’t trust me?” I questioned.
“She was just watching out for you,” Jacob said.
“Oh,” 
“She also left you this,” John said handing me a key. “This is a key to a safety deposit box in a bank in L.A. There should be her personal items in there left for you,” he said.
“All you need to do now is sign these papers and we will be done,” Jacob said.
“Ok,” I looked over the paper and signed it. The lawyers told me how I would get the money and then left. It was only me and my father in the room now. I didn’t know what to say to him. I started to play around with the key in my hands. I could go now. I could walk out that door and he can’t say anything. He has no control over me. Nothing he does affects me now, so why am I not out that door yet?
“You’re free,” he broke the silence between us. I looked up at my father and tried to read his face. He had a look on it that I never seen come from him before. It was of sadness and hurt. It almost made me want to stay but he has hurt me so much and I can’t do it. My father has always been a stranger to me but it even hurts to leave him like this. 
“Give me one day and I’ll be out of here,” I said getting up. My father didn’t say anything else and I walked pass him. 

It was midnight when I got home from Los Angeles. I had spent the day there looking for a place to live and I went to retrieve the items left in the deposit box. I changed out of my clothes and into my pajamas. I laid the two items from the deposit box in front of me as I sat down on my bed. There was a royal blue diary book which looked to be a diary and a golden treasure jewelry box. I was afraid to look at what was inside both of the items but I had to and I want to. I first picked up the diary and opened it up. 
Inside the cover written perfectly was
<i> To my dearest daughter</i>
I turned to the first page. It was dated May 11, 1981.
<i>I have just found out that I am pregnant. I am excited. I am going to keep this journal so that one day my child can read it. Sung-Hwan is also happy about the child. I just know he or she will bring joy into this life of ours……</i>
I continued to read the entries my mother had made. It made me feel as if she was talking to me and I was there at every event. She even talked about the moments when I was still a baby. When I was about twenty month old they had taken me to the aquarium. Somehow no one was looking after me and I was lost. I was later found in the pool where they kept the dolphins. She said that I was in there for about five minutes and if it was any longer I would have died. While I read this I came to realize why I was so afraid of the water. Could a moment like that have caused so much fear to last such a long time? 
She was glad that I had her eyes because somehow she believed it would make me a stronger person. From what I gather her and my father loved each other very much. And my father did love me too. When I read her last entry the tears started to fall.
April 3, 1984 
<i> I’m afraid this will be my last entry. It has gotten worst this illness of mine. I can feel the life in my drifting away hour by hour. I spend as much time with Jina as I could. She is so young and doesn’t know much at all but I know that she will be protected when I am gone. She will be safe in the future. I have brought my only child into this world and now I have to leave her. It hurts so much knowing that I will not be there for her.
I don’t think Sung-Hwan is dealing very well with my illness. He doesn’t want to leave my side to go to work. I can see hope in his eyes that I’ll get better but I’m afraid that this is the end. I told him that I want him to move on and live his life. I want him to love again. But he refuses and said that he can’t do it. I just want him to be happy. I told him to take care of our daughter. I hope after I am gone everything goes well for them. The time has come for me to go. I love my daughter and I love my husband. I wish them a happy life.</i>

My father lied to my mother. He did get married and he did move on but most of all he didn’t give a damn about me at all. For nineteen years he acted as if I wasn’t around. He only notice me when I wanted him too. How can she believe that he loved her when he married someone just one year after she died? How can she believe that he loved me when he did not once give me a hug? He fooled my mom into thinking that he loved her. What a jerk? Of all the things my father done in his life this would be the one thing I hate him most for. I hate him so much. He betrayed both of us.
I opened the jewelry box to see what was inside. There were pearl earrings, pearl necklaces, an angel pin with emeralds for the angel’s wings, a ring with a diamond heart, a gold bracelet with charms, several more necklaces and lying beneath everything was the most beautiful thing I ever seen. It was a beaded jade green necklace with a jade green heart. I held it up expecting it. It perfectly matched my eyes. I did the first thing that came to my mind I put it on. I had a feeling my mother wore it all the time. 
It was getting late already and I was getting tired. I put away the things and wore the necklace to sleep. Although I was tired I couldn’t sleep. Something just didn’t feel right. I tossed and I turned in my bed trying to find a comfortable position but nothing would work. I checked my watch again it was four o’clock in the morning, finally giving up I woke up and decided to go downstairs. I needed a glass of warm milk. 
The house was dark and quiet as always. I went to the kitchen to get my milk. It reminded me of a long night ago. I sometimes wonder where my future was going to lie. And my thoughts always brings me back to him. I wish he was here. I pushed the thoughts of him aside and drank my milk. I was heading back upstairs when I heard something coming from my father’s library. It sounded as if someone was crying. Being the nosy person that I am, I wondered over to the library. I opened the door slightly and there was my father on the sofa with his face in his hands. I could have turned my back on him but I didn’t instead I walked in. This was a site I never seen before.
“Fa…ather?” I choked on my tears. Seeing him cried instantly made me want to cry. 
My father looked up and me and whispered, “Eun-hye,” He whispered my mother’s name.
“No it’s me Jina,” I whispered going to sit next to him.
“I’m sorry. You look so much like her. Sometimes when I look at you, I think you can be her twin,” he whipped away his tears.
“Why are you crying?” I asked.
“It’s none of your concern,” he said scooting away from me.
“Yes it is!” I raised my voice.
“You’re wearing the necklace I gave her,” he looked to my neck.
“It was in the jewelry box,” I touched the necklace.
“I always told her that she had jaded eyes but I was the one with the jaded heart,” my father said and looked into my eyes. With a nod of my head I encouraged my father to continue on. “We meet in college. She was a lively girl filled with so much spirit. She was also a determine person. If she wanted something she would go after it. And she wanted me. I wasn’t ready for her. I had been dump by a girl who I though I loved very much. I even went to the point of asking her to marry me. I didn’t believe in love after her. I didn’t believe it exist for me. To me love only brought pain but I was wrong. You’re mother taught me a lot of things. She taught me how to enjoy life again. She taught me not to be afraid of the things we feel and don’t know. But most of all she taught me that even if your heart has been worn out and you think that love doesn’t exist anymore, it is there. She taught me love and her loved healed my jaded heart. I told her those words when I gave her that necklace,” he finished with tears rolling down his face. What he said made me realized that I might have inherited my jaded eyes from my mother but my jaded heart came from my father.
“If you loved her that much how come you got married so soon?” I asked.
“I don’t know. She wanted me to move on so I did. I wanted to show her that I could do it. I wanted doubt the love I had for her because I wasn’t sure anymore. I was mad because she left me so early. I couldn’t forgive her,” he cried even harder.
“Dad,” I whispered a word I haven’t said in the longest time, “How come you never kept the promise to take care of me?” I said with tears falling quickly down my face.
“Because every time I look into those eyes I see her and it hurts. I thought I could have cope better without looking at you so I pushed you away. But it didn’t work, when I realized that I should have taken care of you it was too late. I already had pushed you too far away. I had failed you as a father,” he turned away from me. 
“All I ever wanted from you was to love me as much as you loved Susan,” I wiped the tears from my eyes. “All I ever wanted was for you to care about me but you never did. And I’m sorry that I wasn’t the best daughter. You were right you pushed me too far and out of reach but I am back. Mom wanted us to be happy and I believe she wanted us to love each other too. You are my father and I’m willing to put all that had happened behind because I love you,” I said something I thought I never would have said. It was because of my mom. I know this was what she wanted. I think this will make her happy.
“I love you too, my daughter,” my dad gave me a hug. And I know somewhere my mom is looking down at us. 

I didn’t wake up until four in the afternoon the next day. My father and I had spent an hour crying and then another three hours talking about what happened in Korea. I didn’t go to sleep until eight in the morning. Things are starting out slow for us. I think I have taken a big step in my life. I’m still going to move out. I needed to go to live in L.A. if I planned to do what I wanted to do. And that was to open up a motorcycle racing company. It was the only thing I could think of to do with the money I had. It’s the only thing that I ever loved although it did get me into a lot of trouble. I think it is the best thing.
I don’t know what’s going to happen between my and Susan’s mom. I could careless. Maybe someday I’ll forgive her for the things she’s done to me but not today. I am sorry that I never got to know her. My father said that he’ll never forgive Brian for what he did to Susan. If I can forgive them I think my father can.
I opened my eyes to a new day and a new beginning in the life of mine. I know which road I am taking now. But there was still one uncertain thing in my life that I will have to take care of. My thoughts drifted back to him again. I hate that.
*ring* *ring* I heard my cell phone ring. I quickly jumped off my bed and went to go grab it. Maybe it was someone calling me about a house.
“Hello,” I answered.
“Jina?” a familiar voiced said.
“Hwanhee?”
“Yeah it’s me. Did you already forget how I sound like?” I could picture his face right now. He was probably pouting.
“No I didn’t. I just didn’t expect a call from you,” I laughed.
“How is everything going?”
“Everything this is actually going great,” I thought back to all the things that happened in the short time I was home.
“That’s great,” 
“No it’s wonderful because guess what,” I was getting excited telling him about the inheritance.
“What?”
“I’m twenty million dollar richer,” I shouted in the phone.
“You’re kidding me right?” he said not believing me.
“Have I ever lied to you?”
“Yes,”
“Hahahahahahaha ok disregard that questions but it is true,” I said and explained to him about what happened. 
“So what are you going to do?” he asked.
“I’m going to start a motorcycle racing company,” I said and told him about my plan.
“Sounds exciting and like a great idea,” he commented. “I have some exciting news myself,”
“Oh yeah you do? Please tell,”
“I’m going to be the new music producer for SM,” he stated.
“That’s great. No more cleaning the bathroom for you huh?” I teased him.
“Nope. Jina do you think you’ll be coming over here any time soon?” he asked which surprised me.
“Why do you ask?”
“We all just really miss you. The house is usually quieter now…” he sounded a little down.
“I don’t know Hwanhee. I don’t even know if I’ll ever come back. Things are just getting better for me here and….”
“Its ok,” he cut me off, “I understand.”
”Thanks,” I didn’t know if I was going back. I have things to settle here first. 
“Hey I gotta go now. I’m still driving Shinhwa around for the time being. I’ll talk to you later. Take care and good bye,” he said.
“Bye Hwanhee,” I said and hanged up the phone. A part of me wanted so much to call back and talk to Minwoo but I wouldn’t know what to say. I’m moving on with my life. The things that happened in Korea seemed to be ages ago but it was just the other day. I need more time.



Chp. 34

It’s been three and a half month since I left Korea and it’s been good. Somewhere inside this thick head of mine, I have always wanted my own racing company. I have everything I wanted now: my freedom, my bike, mow own racing company, a father, a sister, half a mother (I’m still working on that) and a one day old niece.
Her name is Elizabeth Minyoung Joo. She had very proud parents, grandparents, and an aunt. Everyone was overjoyed even my father and step-mom, who hated the fact that Susan was even pregnant in the first place. 
“Look its baby Elizabeth with her auntie,” Brian said pointing the camera at me while I held Elizabeth.
“Brian get that thing out of my face,” I said turning my back on him. Then I turned my attention to Elizabeth, “Good thing you don’t look like your father,” I smiled at her.
“Good thing we live two hours away from you because you’ll be a bad influence on her,” Brian retorted.
“No, I wouldn’t. I’ll be the best aunt ever,” I gave Elizabeth a funky face. She opened her small mouth and yawned. It was adorable. “Here’s grandpa,” I said handing her to my father.
Things changed a lot since that night. My father and I talked openly now. I wasn’t rebellious against him because there wasn’t much to rebel. He help out a lot on getting my company started. I had decided to go to college and gain more knowledge on business. I try my best to be civil to my step mom. We are slowly, like a snail running a marathon, talking to each other yelling or attitudes. I only visit them when I do have time, which was very little. Susan and Brian had decided to live with Brian’s parent. They were more lenient about the whole pregnancy. They are going to get married in September.
“Hey I have to go,” I said looking at my watch. It was four thirty in the afternoon and I still had some paperwork to finish at home. It’ll probably take me the whole night.
“Already?” Susan said.
“Yeah…you guys take care now. I’ll drop by tomorrow when you’re released ok,” I waved goodbye and left to my penthouse.

I went home, sat on my couch, turned on my radio and started to look through my mail. The majority of it was junk mail but a pretty cream white envelope caught my attention. It was from Korea, particularly Hyesung. My eyes bulged. I was shock. I had barely any time to talk with any one of them since I’ve been here. I’ve been too busy with work. Hwanhee called three times and we talked a little. It’s funny how you tell yourself you’ll keep in touch but you never do. Something just seem to drift apart. Something kept me from opening that envelope. I know it’s only from Hyesung but I have a feeling what’s inside is going to change what I do. It’s not like them to send me something like this. Hyesung is my connection to Minwoo.
I don’t have my nightmares anymore instead I dream of him. He always have that smile on his face, the one that just melts my heart and sends tingling feelings down my spine. And every time I dream of him, I’ll then wake up, wanting so much to be in his arms again. And then I’ll cry myself back to sleep. 
I laid the envelope on the coffee table and walked toward the balcony. It was a nice warm April night in southern California. The sun was yet to set and a slight breeze was present. The one thing I hate most about southern California is the air. You could barely see anything from here. It’s so fogged up by the smog. And people are horrible drivers. They traffic also sucks too. The people are also horrible themselves. Some of them can be so rude and…and…I should stop avoiding that envelope. 
I went back to sit down and open the envelope. I slowly opened it. I took out its content. It was a card and in front of it was written in English and Korean
<i> You are invited to the wedding of Shin Hyesung and Sidney Kim on June 25, 2003</i>
A smile appeared on my face. I didn’t know that they were going to get married this soon. It hasn’t even been a year. He must really love her. There wedding was in two months. I don’t know if I could make it. I’m so busy with everything right now. It would be hard for me to get away from work. 
I opened the card and inside was a picture of Hyesung and Sidney together smiling. I miss seeing him smile like that. I miss all of their smiles. But the picture wasn’t the only thing inside; there was what seem to be a letter all folded up. I opened it up and read what it said.

<i>Dear Jina,
I know for sure that you will receive this card. And I know that you will for sure refuse to come. I have calculated when you will receive this letter so if you don’t call me right now. I will never ever talk to you again. And I do mean that. 
Love the best drinking buddy you’ll ever have,
Shin Hyesung</i>

I shook my head at what I just read. How would he know? I have a feeling he’s going to lecture me about not going. I never refused. He doesn’t need me there. But I love him like a brother so I must call him because I don’t want to lose him too. I dialed up Hyesung’s number and waited for him to answer.
“Hello,” My heart froze. I would know that voice anywhere I go. I hear it in my dreams all the time. Did I dial the wrong number? “Hello,” he said again. There had been so many nights when I wanted to pick up my phone and call him but I always stopped myself. I told myself that he doesn’t want to hear from me ever. “Hello…” he sounded as if he was getting irritated.
“Hel…lo,” I barely spitted out.
“Can I help you?” he asked. I wanted so much to scream yes can you please answer the following questions: Do you think about me? Do you miss me? Do you have sleepless nights like me? Do you even recognize my voice? Do you still love me?
“May I speak to Hyesung?” was all that I could say. I heard some shuffling around and then Hyesung finally got on the phone.
“Hello,” Hyesung said.
“Hyesung it’s me Jina,” I easily said to him.
“JINA!” Hyesung sounded surprised. Did he have to shout it out so loud? Now he knows. “You were supposed to call yesterday,” Hyesung said.
“I didn’t get the invitation until today,” 
“It doesn’t matter I’m just glad you call. You’re coming and that’s the end of it,” Hyesung stated.
“But…”
“No buts about it. You have to come. I want you here. It’s important to me,” he whined a little.
“Hyesung I have so much-“
“I’m not taking no as an answer,” he cut me off. 
“Please Hyesung you have to understand,” I tried to reason with him.
“Hold on one second,” he commanded me. I heard some footsteps and then a door being shut. 
“Hyesung?”
”Yes I’m still here. I just had to get away from those nosy guys you know how they are,” He said.
“Hahahaha …yes I do,” I laughed.
“Is it because of him?” Hyesung said out of nowhere. I didn’t know what to say to Hyesung because maybe it was because of him that I don’t want to step foot in that country at all. But I’m not sure what I’m so afraid of when I or if I do ever see him again. It seems so long ago since I saw him in the flesh. 
“Hyesung…”
”Look just come for me okay. I know you’ve been through a lot but if it wasn’t for you getting sick I would probably have never met Sidney. So please come,” he was making me feel guilty.
“But…”
“It’ll be ok with him here. He also hurts too you know. You’ll be alright. Just come please,” Hyesung plead. I couldn’t say no to him.
“Ok,” I gave up. “I’ll be there,” 
I talked to Hyesung about his wedding and everything and anything except for one subject that we both avoided. I think he knew how I felt about. I said good bye to Hyesung and went back to sit on the couch and tried to look through the papers I brought home to look at. My eyes saw the words on the paper but my mind was somewhere else. My thoughts drifted to him again like it did everyday. And like in my dreams I see him smiling at him and I start to cry again. I don’t know if I could do this, to actually see him again after three long months, after endless dreams of him, after all the tears I shed, and after all the time I spent missing him. In the background I could hear the one song that reminded me of him the most. I have made it this far without him but it’s been hard.

<i>A hundred days had made me older since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lights had made me colder and I don’t think I can look at this the same
But all the miles had separate
They disappeared now when I’m dreaming of your face

I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight it’s only you and me

The miles just keep rolling as the people either way to say hello
I heard this life is overrated but I hope it gets better as we go

I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams

And tonight girl it’s only you and me

Everything I know, and anywhere I go 
it gets hard but it won’t take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it’s all said and done
it get hard but it won’t take away my love

I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it’s only you and me

I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
but tonight girl it’s only you and me</i>

I cried myself to sleep listening to the song.

(authors note: That song is Here Without You by Three Doors Down. It’s a great song)


June 25, 2003

I looked in the mirror for the thousandths time to check my make up and hair. I smoothed out my pastel green spaghetti strap dress. It formed a ‘V’ in the front and reach down to my knees. I slipped on my matching heels and sprayed more hairspray on my long black curls. I grabbed my matching purse and took out a mint and popped it in my mouth.
I began to pace around my hotel room. I could feel the butterflies dancing in my stomach. They seem to be doing cartwheels. I hate this feeling. I don’t know what to do. How am I going to face him? He’s just down stairs probably getting ready himself. The wedding was in about two hours in the garden of the hotel. I haven’t seen anyone yet. I just arrived last night and didn’t have the time to talk to anyone. I went straight to sleep. Hwanhee did give me a call this morning just to make sure I was alright. If I keep on pacing around like this I’m going to be too tired for the wedding. This restlessness makes me feel like running a marathon. 
*knock* *knock*
I stopped pacing and went to go answer the door. It was Hwanhee. He was dressed in a black three piece suit. He looked extremely gorgeous. Before I could even began a full examination of him he pulled me into a hug. 
“I miss you,” Hwanhee said squeezing me.
“I missed you too,” I said to his ear. He pulled away from me and took a good look.
“You look beautiful,” he complimented me.
“So do you,” I smiled at him.
“Are you ready?” he asked. 
“I think so,” I took a deep breath.
“I’m glad you came. I miss having you around. How long are you going to stay?” 
“I don’t know. It all depends,” I said thinking about who I’ve been thinking for the last two months.
“Depends on what or who?” he questioned.
“It depends on a lot of things,” I said as I grabbed my purse. “Lets go,” I said and we began to head down the hall to the elevators.
The garden was beautifully decorated in white calla lilies. A gazebo beautifully decorated with more lilies laid at the end of the aisle where Hyesung and Sidney were going exchanged their vows. There were lines of white chairs on the lawn. People where already taking their respective place. It wasn’t a big wedding, just about a hundred people. I looked around for the rest of the guys. I spotted Dongwan, Andy, Eric, and Junjin all sitting down in the front row facing the gazebo. They were nicely dress in black tux. They had become even more handsome since I left. I slowly approached them from behind. Hwanhee followed and I turned around signaling for him to be quiet. I went to the third row and quietly sat down. I wanted to be nosy and ease drop on what they where talking about.
“How does my hair look?” Dongwan asked them as he touched his hair.
“Like shit,” Eric laughed at him.
“hahahaha,” Dongwan laughed sarcastically, “At least my hair isn’t the color of shit,”
“Shut up!” Eric yelled at him, “I’m going to get it dyed tomorrow,”
“You guys both look dumb compare to me,” Junjin ran his hand through his hair.
“Psh….” Eric and Dongwan both said and rolled their eyes at Junjin.
“Hey is my tie alright?” Andy asked adjusting his tie.
“Yes it looks fine stop touching it,” Dongwan slapped his arm.
“I just want to look good for Jina,” Andy said.
Huh? For me? That’s sweet.
“Why for? It’s not like she likes you anyway,” Junjin pointed out.
“It doesn’t matter. I haven’t seen her in a long time and I want to look nice,” Andy replied.
“It’s been only six months but seems like forever,” Dongwan added to the conversation.
“I know what you mean,” Eric said. Those dorks they really miss me. I missed them too.
“I wonder how it’s going to be when she meets up with Minwoo again,” Junjin said. Did he had to mention him? It just makes everything harder hearing them talk about it.
“Why are you guys talking smack behind my back? Huh?” I spoke up. They all turned around surprised to see me there. Their faces turned red and they gave a laughter of embarrassment. 
“Whoa, Jina where did you come from?” Dongwan stood up. 
“It’s nice to see you too Dongwan,” I stood up and went to them. I gave them each a hug and we began to talk. It felt good talking to them again. It felt like old times. We laughed so much people were staring at us. 
It was an thirty minutes before the wedding and I still haven’t seen Hyesung. I wanted to talk to him before he got married. I asked the guys where I would find him. They said that he had reserved room 208 on the second floor and he would be there. I made my way back to the hotel on the search for room 208. I climbed the stairs to the second floor and found his room. I knocked on it and waited for an answer. Five minutes passed and still no one answered the door so I knocked again. I heard footsteps and then saw the turning of the knob. I was anticipating to see Hyesung because there was so much I wanted to say to him.
When the door opened I found myself face to face with Minwoo. A topless Minwoo to be exact. My mouth formed an ‘o’ as I looked down to his body and then up to his face. I was speechless. I didn’t want to meet like this. He was really there, in flesh and blood. He wasn’t an illusion. My legs began to feel weak and the butterflies in my stomach began to appear again. He stared back at me and looked me in the eye. I don’t know how long we stared at each other. Either we had nothing to say to each other or neither of us wanted to break the silence. 
“Hi,” I swallowed the lump in my throat. I had to be the strong one. I had to say something. 
“Hi,” he said and turned his back on me leaving the door open. He went to grab his white shirt that was laying on the couch and put it on. He began to button it up and I stepped into the room.
“Jina!” Hyesung magically popped out of nowhere. Where was he when I needed him earlier?
“Hyesung!” I smiled at him. I went to him and wrapped my arms around him avoiding Minwoo’s gaze. 
“You look beautiful,” Hyesung said pulling away from me. 
“Thanks,” I said. He then looked suspiciously at Minwoo, who was now putting on his tie. “What happened?” Hyesung cocked an eyebrow at me. He must have felt the tension between me and Minwoo.
“I want to talk to you,” I avoided his question.
Hyesung eyed me even more but he didn’t pushed the questioned and said, “Ok but you got to hurry the wedding starts in twenty minutes,” he checked his watch. 
“Well since we are running out of time then I just wanted to congratulate you,” I said. 
“Thank you. If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t be here,” he said once again.
“Hahahaha…” I gave a little laugh, “Maybe I should stay out in the rain more often so each one of you guys can meet a cute nurse and marry her,” I joked.
“Hahahaha…” Hyesung laughed along and then sighed, “It’s nice to see you again,” 
“I’ll meet you downstairs,” Minwoo interrupted us. I felt him the whole time I was talking to Hyesung. I was trying my best to ignore him. I didn’t like the look on his face when he first saw me. I thought I saw some anger in his eyes. Both Hyesung and I turned to look at Minwoo.
“Ok I’ll be there soon,” Hyesung said to him. He looked at Hyesung and nodded to him. He then looked at me with an expression I couldn’t read at all. Minwoo left and I turned and tried to look at Hyesung but instead looked down trying to figure out what the look on his face was. 
“You’ll be ok,” Hyesung said as he took me by the chin and lifted my head up to face him. 
When did I become so sensitive? I could feel the tears about to fall. One look from him and I was already going to cry. He didn’t even say two words to me. I didn’t know he could affect me so much.
“Lets go,” I said holding back the tears, “You have a bride waiting for you,” We left the room and went to the garden. 
This was the first wedding I ever attended. Hyesung and Sidney exchanged their vows. Both the bride and groom were on the verge of tears when they exchanged rings. The reception was to be taken place in one of the ballrooms in the hotel so people didn’t have to take cars to another place. There was a live band and tables were set up. I sat with Dongwan, Junjin, Emily, Eric, Andy, Hwanhee, and Minwoo. He was only one seat away and I couldn’t even look at him. The parents of the newly wed made a toast and the cake was cut then dinner was served. After dinner the dancing started. The first song to be played was no other than Shinhwa’s Wedding March. Hyesung and Sidney were the first to dance and then others followed. 
“May I have this dance,” Andy said putting his hand out.
I looked up and smiled at him, “Of course,” I answered. He lead me to the dance floor and we started to slow dance to the song. Andy and I had our own little conversation going but my eyes always seem to be drifting to look at him. Get a grip Jina! What did you expect him to do? Just forget everything and tell him he loves you? I told myself. 
“Song over new girl!” Andy interrupted my thoughts.
“Hey!” I yelled at him.
“Hahahaha c’mon Jina,” I want to get married some day too you know,” he laughed.
“Fine. Fine. Fine. You suck at dancing anyways,” I replied and headed toward the table. Minwoo, Junjin and Emily were sitting there but just before I could reach the table Junjin and Emily left to the dance floor. A new song was beginning to play already. I had a choice to sit at the table with him or either make a detour and pretend that I was going to the bathroom. It would be so easy to do the latter and run away from my problems. But I told myself that I had changed for the better and I can’t avoid my problems anymore. In order to actually go on with my life, I had to face him. A part of me came here for Hyesung’s wedding but the other part came to see him. Because I wanted to thank him for giving me the love that I have always wanted. I wanted him to know that it was his love that changed me into a better person. I wanted to see him one last time. But most of all I wanted to tell him I love him. 
For the last six months I had received anything and everything that I ever wanted but I knew that he was the one thing in my life that was missing. I felt more pain, hurt, and heart ache than I ever had from the neglect of receiving someone’s love. It hurt more without him next to me than those years my father pushed me away. It hurt more not being able to touch him than when Brian cheated on me. I fixed all the relationship with the people I always wanted to be loved by except him. If he doesn’t love me, I don’t think I’ll be ok but I’m hoping I’ll get through it. But I didn’t fly all this way to not tell him how I feel. 
I pulled my seat out and sat down. He was only a chair away, not thousands of miles or a dream away from me, but only a chair. He was slouching in his chair and staring out at the dance floor. I began to play with my necklace, the jade one, the one my father gave to my mother a very long time ago. I felt the smoothness of the jade heart and took a deep breath. I then turned to face him only to find the seat empty.
“Dance with me,” I heard the whisper in my ear and to have him so close again awakened all my senses. 
I turned my head and we were only inches away from each other. I looked him straight in the eyes but all I saw was them sparkling back at me. I didn’t respond and I still had my hand on my necklace when he took them himself and pulled me to the dance floor. His arms slide around my waist and I put my arms around his neck. There was a good twelve inches between us. I didn’t know if I should move closer to him. I was already feeling weak in the knees with him holding me like this. It’s the closes we’ve been since that day at the airport. It’s been a month since he asked me to marry him. I wondered if he still feels the same. I couldn’t look him in the eyes so I just stared at his tie. 
I felt his finger slowly creeping up my bare arms and shivers started to run down my spine. He took me by the chin and made me look at him. I tried to look back at his tie but he wouldn’t let me. Don’t give me that look and not say anything. I wanted to scream at him. But he didn’t say anything instead he pulled me closer to him and we were practically hugging each other now.
“Please don’t go back,” he whispered into my ear, “I can’t stand to see you go off again. You promise me a long time ago that when you leave you would come back and now you’re here. Please promise me this time that you’ll stay by my side,”
“Minwoo-,” my voiced shook. 
“I’m sorry for being a jerk,” he cut me off, “I’m sorry that I never told you I loved you. I was afraid myself. I wanted to know myself if I truly did fall in love with you so I went out with Hyori as a test. It was a mistake because I thought about you most of the time. I love you Jina Choi and I always will,” 
“Minwoo,” I cried into his shoulders. “I love you too. I promise you I’ll stay by your side but just promise me you’ll marry me,” that surprised us both but then I realized that I do want to marry him. 
“Huh?” Minwoo took me by the chin and gave me a confused look. 
I reached to the back of my neck and took of my necklace. We stopped dancing.
“You once said I had a jaded heart to fit my jaded eyes. I’m giving you this,” I took his hand and placed the necklace in his hand, “You hold my jaded heart now,” I smiled at him.
“There they go sparkling again. Those eyes of yours,” he said smiling back.
“Do you promise to marry me?” I said still waiting for an answer.
“Only if you promise to wear this ring,” He said pulling out the ring he proposed with.
“Yes I promise,”
“Then I promise to marry you,” 



The End