An Annotated Thermometer by Don Haugen
60 degrees: Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one
in their wardrobe).
50 degrees: Miami residents turn on the heat.
40 degrees: You can see your breath. Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Minnesotans go swimming.
35 degrees: Italian cars don't start.
32 degrees: Water freezes.
30 degrees: You plan your vacation to Australia. Minnesotans put on
t-shirts. Politicians begin to worry about the homeless. English cars
don't start.
25 degrees: Boston water freezes. Californians weep pitiably.
Minnesotans eat ice cream. Canadians go swimming.
20 degrees: You can hear your breath. Politicians begin to talk about
the homeless. New York City water freezes. Miami residents plan
vacations further south.
15 degrees: French cars don't start. You plan a vacation in Mexico.
Your cat insists on sleeping in bed with you.
10 degrees: Too cold to ski. You need jumper cables to get the car
going.
5 degrees: You plan your vacation in Houston. American cars don't
start.
0 degrees: Alaskans put on t-shirts. Too cold to skate.
-10 degrees: German cars don't start. Eyes freeze shut when you
blink.
-15 degrees: You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo.
Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects. Miami residents cease to
exist.
-20 degrees: Your cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you.
Politicians actually do something about the homeless. Minnesotans shovel
snow off roof. Japanese cars don't start.
-25 degrees: Too cold to think. You need jumper cables to get the driver
going.
-30 degrees: You plan a two-week hot bath. The mighty Monongahela
freezes. Swedish cars don't start.
-40 degrees: Californians disappear. Minnesotans button top button.
Canadians put on sweaters. Your car helps you plan your trip south.
-50 degrees: Congressional hot air freezes. Alaskans close the bathroom
window.
-80 degrees: Hell freezes over. Polar bears move south.
-90 degrees: Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets.