Press 1 for more options.
Press 2 for an operator.
Press 3 for an annoying sales rep.
Press 4 if you are not connected.
Press 6 if your cable internet isn't working, and we'll give you the URL of our Help website.
Press 6 experiencing technical difficulties and need medical assistance
Don't press 7 if you really don't care
Press 8 if your cable line has been cut
Press 9 if you have been hit by a falling comet
Press 10 if you want to know why there are falling comets

What did you expect?! We're not the cable company! Yes, we know you can't press 10; that's the point. Specifically you can't press anything on a computer screen and the keyboard is not a phone. Thank you for coming. Have a nice day.