Name: Parings

Author: Crying Raven

Genre: Humor

Summary: When I can't sleep things like this happen. I've pulled names out of a hat to make couples. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

[A/N: I had a slight case of insomnia, so I wrote down names of HP characters on little notes, but them in two hats (female/male) and picked couples. That in itself was as boring as staring at a blank TV-screen, though when you pictured the result it got rather entertaining. (Yes, I do know that people have done this before me, but 5 am you really don't give a damn.) Now you will suffer *MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!*]

PAIRINGS

Pairings that came up 2 times or more (it's destiny I tell you...):

Peter Pettigrew
Narcissa (Let’s watch Lucius only be restrained from killing Peter because Voldie might get upset if he do.)
Cedric (Errr… maybe, if Peter hadn’t MURDERED him *cough* Or maybe not.)
Sirius (So THAT is why he was really so upset…)

Percy Weasley
Nagini (If it would make him Minister of Magic, yes. Otherwise, doubt it.)

Victor Krum
Petunia (Err… no?)

Neville Longbottom
Cho (They’d be a cute couple, unfortunately I don’t see that happening any time soon)
Dobby (*gulp* I surely hope not)

Arthur Weasley
James Potter (Hermione: Hey! Would you look at that. Harry, Ron, your fathers were screwing each other when they were in school, isn’t that just the cutest thing ever?)

Severus Snape
Charlie (Ya know, maybe…)
Dudley (Hehe, no.)
Narcissa (She’s too shallow I’m afraid.)
Alicia Spinett (Could happen (if Snape suddenly had a personality change), although I fear he’d get fired for that.)

Buckbeak
Professor Sprout (EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!)

Charlie Weasley
Snape (It might happen, somewhere along the line… in school, after school… who knows? *everyone else disagrees*)

Dobby
Neville (Please, no)
Fang (*feels sick*)

George Weasley
Filch (Filch doesn’t really hate the twins, that’s just to cover up that he’s going out with George *nods*)
Vernon (Uh, yeah, especially after that tongue ton toffee, sure… *cough*)
Lily (Wasn’t George a little *young* when Lily was alive?)

Vernon Dursley
George (Not in this life time.)

Sirius Black
Peter (Back when they were in school, yes (James had Lily, Remus might decide that he was awfully hungry all of a sudden…), now, no way in hell.)

Crabbe
Hermione (Eh… it could happen, but still I find it hard to believe.)
Oliver Wood (*shakes head* No, or well… okay, there is a possibility. At least they are about the same age.)

Fang
Dobby (*shivers*)

Goyle
Lily (Well, if it was Goyle’s *father* then I’d say ‘sure, it could happen’, but not now…)

Bill Weasley
Parvati (Maybe now, actually I don’t think Parvati would mind… Although I think Bill would be looking for someone older… at least I hope so.)

Professor Quirell
Cho (Quirell: When I wasn’t trying to kill Harry on Voldemort’s command, I was screwing second years *nods*)
Ron (… and first years)
Lee Jordan (… actually, I was screwing all students)
Mrs. Norris (… and animals that came my way.)

Ron Weasley
Cedric (*shakes head* Nope.)
Quirell (For some reason I can’t picture this.)

Harry Potter
Dumbledore (I KNEW IT!!!!!)
Alicia Spinett (Hey, why not?)

James Potter
Katie Bell (The age difference and the fact that James’ a bit dead gets in the way. If he’d been Katie’s age and alive then yes.)
Arthur (It could have happened!)

Argus Filch
George (He hates him too much.)
Ginny (Only to get back at the Weasley twins in that case…)
Cedric (One is too old, the other one is too dead.)

Pansy Parkinson
Hermione (Other than the house thing I’d say they got a pretty good shot, they are pretty alike after all. Both hanging after the hero of the house I mean… You never know.)

Cedric Diggory
Ron (I just can’t see it, I’m sorry.)
Filch (Eh, no.)
Peter (Nope, sorry. You rarely end up together with your murderer.)

Lee Jordan
Narcissa (Sure, and after that Lucius would blow him into little pieces.)
Molly (Molly and Lee? I’m not sure that getting together with your sons friend is the best way to improve your relationship with them…)
Quirell (Eh, no. I can’t see it.)
Flour (Well, you never know :))

Crookshanks
Voldemort (No, Crookshanks’ too smart… I hope.)
Flour (Do veela powers affect animals?)
Molly (*shakes head*)
Oliver Wood (Oh dear god, no.)

Voldemort
Crookshanks (Run Crookshanks, RUN!)

Hagrid
Mrs. Norris (Uh… Hagrid doesn’t happen to love animals a little too much, does he? *worried*)

Remus Lupin
McGonagall (Would that be when Lupin was in school, or when he became a teacher? Lupin: Can we do it doggy style this time? McGonagall: What? No, that’s out of the question. Lupin: Please? McGonagall: No! Lupin: *puppy eyes* McGonagall: That’s it! Detention for you! Lupin: Then doggy style? *hopeful*)

Oliver Wood
Crabbe (You never know, although this one seems a little bit far fetched…)
Crookshanks (I don’t want to even try to picture that…)

Seamus Finnigan
Katie Bell (Possible.)

Cho Chang
Lavender (Could happen.)
Molly (Not that likely…)
Quirell (Eh, I surely hope not.)
Neville (Wouldn’t they make such an adorable couple? *stupid smile*)
Katie Bell (Yupp, that could work pretty good. Although I get a feeling that if they break up Gryffindor/Ravenclaw games are going to get pretty nasty…)

Lavender Brown
Cho (Why not? Gryffindors and Ravenclaws tend to get along just fine.)
Ginny (I think Lavender is a bit too shallow, but you never know how Ginny’s gonna turn out.)
Katie Bell (Very possible. Lavender, Katie and Cho could have threesomes.)

Alicia Spinett
Hermione (I don’t see any problem with that.)
Snape (I think he could get fired…)
Mrs. Norris (Gross.)

Professor Trelawney
Angelina Johnson (Eh… no.)
Parvati (Why not? Parvati adores her anyway…)
McGonagall (Hehe, opposites attract!)

Angelina Johnson
Trelawney (I’m sorry, not in this life time.)
Flour (Maybe… if Flour wasn’t so… *ugh* *can’t find the right word*)

Narcissa Malfoy
Lee Jordan (Narcissa: I’m sick and tired of Lucius, I want some young meat!)
Snape (Snape: (*heavy breathing*) Draco, I am your father. Draco: No you’re not! Snape: I slept with your mother, she’s getting a divorce. We’re gonna get married, I’ll be your new father. Draco: Oh, alright.)
Peter (Ehhh… no, not in this life time and not the next one either.)
McGonagall (Narcissa and McGonagall??? I don’t think so.)

Lily Potter
Goyle (Senior or Junior? I believe it’s a ‘no’ on both though.)
Ginny (Was Ginny even born before Lily died?)
Petunia (EW! Her own sister!!!!)
George (He’s a little too young.)

Ginny Weasley
Lily (I don’t think that they both love Harry help so much when one of them are dead…)
Dudley (Eh… no.)
Filch (Read my lips: N. O.)
Sprout (Ginny: I needed better grades in herbology!)
Lavender (I’d say it’s 50/50 there.)

Professor Sprout
Ginny (How old is Professor Sprout anyway?)
Buckbeak (ACK! Buckbeak, stay with Sirius, stay with Sirius…)
Flour (Somehow I don’t see it.)
Katie Bell (Nope.)

Flour Delacour
Sprout (No.)
Parvati (Could happen… unfortunately Flour left so soon… *sniff* Who’s gonna comfort Parvati?)
Angelina Johnson (Gee, Flour did get around, didn’t she?)
Lee Jordan (Well of course, he’s a *guy* isn’t he?)
Crookshanks (Urgh!)

Nagini
Percy (*doubtful* They don’t even speak the same language. Are you saying that Harry or Voldemort is going to sit there and translate for them? *shakes head*)
Mrs. Norris (Yeah, for lunch maybe!)

Mrs. Norris
Hagrid (Ugh. No.)
Alicia Spinett (No way.)
Nagini (She’d swallow Mrs. Norris in one bite.)
Quirell (WOULD THEY JUST LEAVE THE POOR ANIMALS ALONE?!?!?!?!?)

Katie Bell
James (If they were in the same age and James was still alive they’d have a pretty good chance.)
Sprout (*shakes head*)
Cho (Yes! New slash couple created!)
Seamus (Yes! If she realize she isn’t lesbian after all that is.)
Lavender (Sure, it could happen.)

Hermione Granger
Alicia Spinett (*shrugs* They got a chance)
Crabbe (Hehe, the day Crabbe grows a brain then they might have a slight chance.)
Pansy (A possibility)

Petunia Dursley
Molly (No, I’m sorry, but there’s no way those two would ever get together.)
Victor Krum (Nope.)
Lily (Oh come on! They are SISTERS!!!!)

Molly Weasley
Petunia (Nope. Not any time soon.)
Cho (Sorry, I doubt it.)
Crookshanks (I pray that it won’t happen.)
Lee Jordan (Molly: Fred, George… Arthur, there’s something I have to tell you…)
Parvati (About as likely as Cho and Molly.)

Parvati Patil
Flour (Who am I to say no?)
Trelawney (She practically worship her anyway, what’s the problem?)
Bill (Not very likely, I don’t think he’s looking for a girlfriend in his sister’s age…)
Molly (Too old I’m afraid.)

Minerva McGonagall
Lupin (I don’t believe that Lupin would be a great boyfriend (he hasn’t developed emotionally that very well, as noticed in PoA. I’m not saying that he’s not a great guy though), and not with McGonagall. She’s 70 for crying out loud, twice his age! Plus she’s way too strict. And no moonlight walks either (*sniff*). That’s a definite no.)
Trelawney (No. McGonagall would have to be pretty drunk for that… and Trelawney must have predicted something in those lines.)
Narcissa (Hehe, wouldn’t that be a sight for sore eyes?)

Dudley Dursley
Snape (Snape deserves better… I volunteer *everyone stares at her* What?)
Ginny (Nope. No way.)

Dumbledore
Harry (Well, duh! Isn’t it obvious? Why else would Harry get away with everything?)

One time pairings that were just right:

Neville – Draco (It’s a shame that even if they both fell in love with each other I doubt they’d be able to get anything started.)

Vernon – Petunia (They deserve each other.)

Snape – Draco (When Draco is a bit older that is. Who knows, Snape might even become *gasp* nice, it might just be a case of needing to get laid *surpasses the urge to scream ‘I volunteer’*)

Crabbe – Draco (If Draco’s really, really, REALLY drunk…)

Ron – Draco (It could happen. *thinks* Gee, I put Draco with pretty much everyone, aren’t I?)

Ron – Hermione (It’s so OBVIOUS that he likes her!)

James – Lily (Anyone who got anything else to say?)

Percy – Hermione (Their kids will not be a pretty sight, with all those rules and studying and work and… *shivers* But these two are just so alike that they belong together.)

Arthur – Molly (*sniff* Isn’t that precious?)

Cedric – Cho (She was the one he cared about the most, and then he go and gets killed *takes out handkerchief*)

Lupin – Sirius (THE PERFECT COUPLE OF ALL TIME I TELL YOU!!!!! Unfortunately, the most intimate moment we’ll ever get about these two from Rowling is the hug in the shrieking shack. Damnit!)

Alicia Spinett – Katie Bell (I cannot be the only one who believes this.)

Harry – Ron (Duh!)

Ginny – Hermione (Perfect, don’t you think? And then Ron and Harry *awwwwww*)

One time pairings that made me scared, very scared:

Lucius – Draco (I read a great story about this. 'Patris Est Filius' by Rhysenn, I believe. Sad story, but very good.)

Peter – Harry (Well he was sleeping in the same room for years… you never know.)

Karakoff – Trelawney (Picture their children!)

Dumbledore – Trelawney (Again, picture their children…)

Vernon – Dudley

Vernon – Lupin (Lupin deserves so much better… *raises hand* I volunteer... again.)

Charlie – Bill

Charlie – Fred

George – Fred

Bill – Ginny

Bill – Percy

Ron – Arthur

Ron – Molly

Ron – Percy

Ron – Ginny

Percy – Fred

Harry – Hagrid (Come on, Hagrid would crush poor Harry!)

Harry – Sirius (Eh… I don’t think that’s what James and Lily would have wanted.)

Harry – Dudley (*shivers*)

Draco – Narcissa (Poor Draco, both of his parents. No wonder he’s the way he is…)

Lupin – Petunia (*shakes head* Please, no. Awful thought. Unless there’s a full moon included of course…)

Dudley – Voldemort (Hehe, as if…)

Petunia – Buckbeak (Can you honestly picture Petunia seeing Buckbeak without fainting in horror?)

And any pairing that included Buckbeak, Dobby, Winky, Fang, Crookshanks and Mrs. Norris *shudders*

One time pairings that made you think:

Lucius – Arthur (The real reason why they hate each other…)

Peter – Neville (Hey, there are some similarities…)

Peter – Voldemort (Well, if he’s kissing the guy’s robes he might as well… *everyone stares at her* What? I’m just saying that if he’s down in that height and obviously is into crawling in the dust, humiliate himself and going ‘Master, Master…’ then why not?)

Dumbledore – Karakoff (You never know.)

Quirell – Voldemort (Maybe Voldie sleeps with all his followers? And these two, they shared the same body for crying out loud!)

Harry – Lupin (What really went on during those special lessons!)

James – Voldemort (James cheated on Voldie, that’s why he got killed *nods convinced*)

Filtwick – Sprout (What’s really going on at Hogwarts? I mean, it’s one thing if the students are horny (ugh, all the hormones and all the magic, I don’t even want to know what poor madam Pomfery has to go through), but the teachers???)

Voldemort – Nagini (Well at least they could talk to each other.)

Sirius – Cho (“Dear Harry. You should really go to the headmaster if your scar hurts, Dumbledore will know what to do. By the way, I accidentally made Cho Chang, that girl who you got a crush on, pregnant last time I visited. Hope you are well ~ Sirius”)

Lily – Molly (Hermione: Hey Harry, Ron! Did you know your mothers were going at it when they were in school too? Isn’t that just the coolest thing you’ve ever heard?)

Narcissa – Lily (Hermione: Hey Harry! Did you know that your mother and Draco’s mother were seeing each other too? Wow, Harry your mother was somewhat of a slut…)

Petunia – Dumbledore (Dumbledore: Hello Petunia, I’m the one who insisted that Harry should live with you, when can I pick you up for our date?)

Parvati – Pansy (Other than the houses and all of that they are pretty alike, but…)

Pansy – Narcissa (Well they are kind of a like… I think. At least they married/wants to marry (or whatever Pansy wants) guys who are almost identical *shrugs*)

Hagrid – Charlie (The love for dragons brought them together…)

Pairings that didn’t happen, but should have happened:

Lucius – Voldemort (Don’t diss my theories!)

Colin – Ginny (Anyone who says that I’m wrong will lose a vital organ or two. That’s a warning.)

Crabbe – Goyle (Isn’t it obvious?)

Filch – Mrs. Norris (*cough*)

Draco – Harry (Perfect for each other. I don’t care what the rest of you think.)

Lucius – James (For the same reason why Harry and Draco belongs together.)

Dobby – Winky (Of course!)

Crookshanks – Mrs. Norris (Although I don’t think Filch will be very happy when Mrs. Norris suddenly got a whole litter full of little kittens…)

Sirius – James (Why not?)

Dean – Seamus (They are almost the same person, of course they belong together!)

Snape – Karakoff (Well they *were* walking out there, talking to each other, first name terms, in the middle of the night (and such a romantic night…))

Voldemort – Dobby (Look, obviously Dobby hurts himself all the time on purpose, and Voldie likes to hurt people. See! S/M! They’ll be so happy together *sniff* *pulls out handkerchief again*)