[A/N: I wrote this at 2 a.m., and I can't really tell if it's good now either cause I've been up for oh, about 22 hours to get on a normal day pattern before tomorrow when it's back to school again. Yay me. We all worship Bre, because it was her request to make a drawing of Snape looking like Howie (of BSB) that inspired me to do this insane thing. And Bre, I'm working on it *nods*]

In the beginning…

McGonagall: Now… *looks at the five guys who are squashed into a couch in front of her* You want to become a boyband, and I'm willing to help you. But I'll have to make the rules clear for you. All right?

All: *nods*

McGonagall: Good. We'll start with the basics. Who is going to be the mature member?

All: *looks at each other*

Severus: Not Black anyway.

Sirius: No, definitely not! I'd die of shame…

Severus: *rolls eyes*

James: I'm voting for Remus.

Remus: Oh, thank you ever so much. Honestly, James.

McGonagall: Remus it is *takes note* And you have to call each other by your first names, to give you that friendly feeling.

Severus: Bah!

McGonagall: Behave, Severus.

Sirius: *lays arm around Severus' shoulders* *feminine voice* We'll be the bestest friends, won't we Sevvie?

Severus: *pushes Sirius away from him* Get of me Black!

McGonagall: *clears throat*

Severus: Fine. Sirius *looks as if he's going to be sick*

McGonagall: Better. Okay… now for the crazy member…

James: *bounces up* Me! Me!

Sirius: Hey!

McGonagall: James it is…

Sirius: What?! *looks hurt*

McGonagall: And the clown?

Sirius: That is mine, anyone who says anything else will end up with one arm less!

All: *shrugs*

McGonagall: *makes note* The bad member…

Peter: Sirius.

Remus: Definitely.

Sirius: *grins*

Severus: *groans*

McGonagall: Okay. And Severus, you'll be the baby.

Severus: WHAT?!

Sirius, Remus, James and Peter: *sniggers*

McGonagall: You're the youngest, aren't you?

Severus: Yes, but…

McGonagall: And Peter… hmm… we'll Remus is the hick so… I guess you'll just be there.

Peter: Hey, unfair.

McGonagall: You'll get paid equally.

Peter: Oh. Alright.

McGonagall: Of course there has to be some changes…

All: *looks horrified*

McGonagall: Severus, wash and bleach your hair. And cut it.

Severus: *looks as if he's about to pull out his wand and curse McGonagall*

McGonagall: Also, say stupid things that make no sense. We want you to define ‘blond'.

Sirius: Now that will be hard… *cough*

McGonagall: Less comments like that from you Sirius.

Sirius: Sorry *grins*

McGonagall: Oh, and Severus?

Severus: What?

McGonagall: Whine. A lot. And deny it.

Severus: *sighs*

McGonagall: James.

James: *lightens up*

McGonagall: You will have to get some tattoos, ear rings and change hair color.

James: *stares at her*

McGonagall: What? You wanted to be the crazy member, didn't you?

James: I'm not so sure anymore…

McGonagall: Too bad. No changes are going to be made now. The rest of you, remember to say that James is crazy, al lot.

All: *nods dully*

McGonagall: Remus.

Remus: *prepares for the worst*

McGonagall: You cannot, ever, ever, under no circumstances get mad at the fans. Ever.

Remus: *nods*

McGonagall: No matter how much they scream, cry, pull your hair, steal your belongings or how obnoxious they might be. You are not allowed to be mad at them. Also, you will have to state the obvious, and repeat everything.

Remus: *squirms around uncomfortably in the couch*

McGonagall: Now, Sirius. As the bad member you'll have to get a tattoo or two too.

Sirius: *grins*

McGonagall: On to the singing. Severus and Sirius, you are both granted leads in almost every song.

Sirius: Didya year that Sevvie? *smiles brightly at Severus*

Severus: *glares at Sirius*

McGonagall: James, Remus and Peter… well… about one solo per CD. More if your fan-base increases of course. You'll get paid just as much anyway. Peter.

Peter: *looks uneasily at McGonagall* Yes?

McGonagall: You can play the guitar.

Peter: Only two accords…

McGonagall: That might be so, but to the press you know how to play the guitar.

Peter: Um… okay.

McGonagall: If you are awfully close to your mom, tell the press so too. Even the parents will like you then.

All: *looks at James*

James: What? I happen to like my mom, unlike the rest of you, thankyouverymuch.

McGonagall: You'll be the moma's boy of the group then.

James: Hey!

McGonagall: *completely ignores him* Now, this is for all of you, this is very important.

All: *looks terrified*

McGonagall: You are all single.

Sirius: Err…

McGonagall: If you have a girlfriend, you are still single.

James: But Lily and I…

McGonagall: If you are engaged, or even married, you are still single.

James: Oh.

McGonagall: Even if you happen to be a father already you are still single, and you don't have any kids *glares at Sirius*

Sirius: *defensive* I didn't mean to get that girl pregnant.

James: What about our girlfriends then?

McGonagall: You don't have any girlfriends. They are friends, at least in public. I'll explain it all for them. Your only chance of becoming big is if you're all single and available, and not fathers.

Sirius: *growls*

McGonagall: Then there's that big fat lie you have to remember.

All: ?

McGonagall: ‘I'd definitely date a fan'.

Peter: Eh…

Remus: We would?

McGonagall: Say after me. ‘I'd definitely date a fan'.

All: I'd definitely date a fan.

McGonagall: Good. ‘Drugs are bad'. Say it aloud.

All: Drugs are bad.

McGonagall: ‘I've never slept with a fan'.

All: I've never slept with a fan.

Sirius: *horrified* We're not allowed to sleep with the groupies?

McGonagall: We're practicing lies here. We'll take the rules later. Again.

All: I'd definitely date a fan. Drugs are bad. I've never slept with a fan.

McGonagall: Good. Practice those meanings until it sounds as if you are telling the truth. Of course they aren't the truth, you'd never actually date a fan, but sleeping with one is something you will most likely do. But keep it down, no need for anyone to find out, okay? *glares at Sirius*

Sirius: I feel offended by that subtitle.

Severus: And we're all surprised that you understood it…

McGonagall: *clears throat* Remus, you are a virgin.

Remus: I am?

McGonagall: *looks at him*

Remus: I am *smiles nervously*

Sirius, James and Peter: *looks as if they are going to burst into hysterical fits of laughter any second*

McGonagall: *glares at them*

Peter: Sorry.

Sirius: We didn't mean anything with that.

James: Certainly not that Remus wouldn't be a virgin.

Peter: He is.

James: Of course.

Sirius: Absolutely.

Remus: *guilty grin*

Severus: He probably lost it with one, or more, of you.

McGonagall: Severus!

Sirius: *leans closer* You can join us if you want to, Sevvie, you're more than welcome *bats eyelashes*

McGonagall: Sirius!

Severus: Get away from me!

McGonagall: Both of you!

Sirius: *smiles as sweetly as possible*

Severus: *glaring at Sirius*

McGonagall: Never before in my long profession of corrupting young boys by making them into boybands have I had so much trouble with the members! *sighs* Anyway, Remus, you live out in the country, right?

Remus: Yes… why?

McGonagall: You like horseback riding.

Remus: No… horses aren't among my favorite animals.

McGonagall: You love horses.

Remus: They scare me.

McGonagall: You love horses.

Remus: They are big and have huge teeth and they scare me.

McGonagall: You love horses *death glare*

Remus: I love horses.

McGonagall: Good! Now, Severus, you love Nintendo.

Severus: I love what?

McGonagall: It's a muggle invention.

Severus: I'm a pureblood.

McGonagall: You still love it.

Severus: But I never took muggle studies.

McGonagall: You love it.

Severus: But I don't even know what it is!

McGonagall: You. Love. Nintendo.

Severus: You're going to curse me if I say something else, aren't you?

McGonagall: Yes.

Severus: Then I love Nin… uh… whatever it was called.

McGonagall: Now, this goes for all of you.

All: *worried*

McGonagall: You are not allowed to act gay. Your fans will be fighting for their dear lives to make non-fans believe that you are straight, so don't ruin things for them. If you happen to be gay… well, then you're still straight in the public eye. You have to buy small, ugly dogs too.

Severus: I don't want an ugly little dog.

Sirius: You can have me instead *growls* *wink*

Severus: Cut it out.

McGonagall: *rubs temples* Sirius…

Sirius: Yes? *innocent smile*

McGonagall: Stop it.

Severus: Exactly. Leave me alone, Pott… James is right there. Torment him instead.

Sirius: But you're so much more fun.

McGonagall: Sirius.

Sirius: Right. Behave. Sorry.

McGonagall: *sighs* Anyway, this goes for everyone but Severus, when you answer a question you will explain thoroughly and remember to fill everyone in on the history behind the story to make sure they understand. It means that there will be less time to ask more questions, which is good. Less time to mess up on. And repeat all things, that go for you too, Severus.

Severus: *glaring at Sirius*

Sirius: *beaming at Severus*

Severus: Can I change seats with Remus?

Sirius: What? I feel so unloved!

Severus: Please?

McGonagall: No you may not.

Sirius: Yay! *hugs Severus*

Severus: Get off of me! *pushes away Sirius*

McGonagall: *sighs* That would be the main rules, but if there's anything come to me and I will tell you what to do, get it?

All: *nods*

McGonagall: And I do mean anything. From that you've hurt your toe to that you've started doing drugs. Now go to your hotel room, you'll start recording your CD tomorrow.

Severus: Hotel rooms. Hotel rooms. As in plural. Right?

McGonagall: Err… we start out with little money, so I'm afraid that's hotel room, singular.

Severus: *scowls*