Name: Pretty, Pretty Toenails! Author: Badtz Genre: Humor Rating: PG Summary: Badtz gets hit with a stuffed Pikachu, Draco gets a pedicure, Ron eats lotion, Harry gets piddled on, and much, much more :) E-mail: badtz@antisocial.com Homepage: http://www.virtue.nu/shallowgirl Ff.n page: Badtz

Pretty, Pretty Toenails!

*Badtz is sitting at her computer and blasting Everclear, because that's all she ever does* Voice #1: Badtz... Badtz... Badtz: What? Voice #2: We're here to tell you your fanfiction sucks. Badtz: I could've told you that! Voice #3: Oh. *pause* Hey, uh, would you mind turning that down? Badtz: Yeah, actually I would. *turns her CD player up to full volume, then turns and faces her guests* *It's Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Draco (isn't that how they all go?)* Badtz: Oh. Hi! *turns back to her computer* Ron: Ahem, aren't you gonna pay any attention to us? Badtz: Hold on, I'm right in the middle of killing Nick Carter. Ron: Oh, ok. *Everyone waits patiently for Badtz to kill of Nick Carter, while "Santa Monica" plays as 'background' music* Badtz: Hi again! *perky and happy* Harry: Hi. Ron: Hi. Hermione: Hi. Draco: Mmmphrrrrphmmmph. Badtz: What? Draco: Hi. Badtz: That's better! *brain processes the fact that the HP characters are in her room* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Hermione: Yeah, yeah, we're honored to be in your room, and I'm glad you're happy we're here, and Draco will sign something for you... Badtz: That's it. I've gone crazy! Harry: What do you mean? Badtz: I have BOOK CHARACTERS visiting me. If that's not crazy, I don't know what is. Draco: I never thought of it that way. *awkward silence* Ron: We ARE book characters, aren't we? Badtz: *nods* Hermione: I have an idea! We can pretend we're real! All: Ok. *silence* Badtz: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! *clings at Draco* Draco: I... can't... breath... Help... Badtz: Oh, right, sorry. *beams at Draco* *hugs him again, cause that's just the kind of thing Badtz does* Harry: I thought you were over your teenybopper stage. *silence* Badtz: I stopped liking the Backstreet Boys! All: Yay! Draco: Then what's with that BSB poster on your wall... And the calender... and the pictures... and the tapes... and... Badtz: ... the desk cube? Ron: Yeah. Explain that. *silence* Badtz: *to Draco* You're short. Draco: I am not! Badtz: Are too! Draco: Well, YOU'RE short! Badtz: No I'm not! I'm 5'9''! Draco: You're short. Badtz: *changing the subject* Can I give you a pedicure? Draco: Sure! *Badtz sits down and starts painting Draco's toenails "Zippy"* Ron: Well, anyway, we want you to stop writing fanfiction about us. Badtz: And I want to kill Britney Spears, but it's not gonna happen. *beams at Ron* Unless you wanna do it for me? Hermione: Honestly! You write the stranges stories. First you write a story about Draco being GOOD... *Draco snorts* Badtz: Actually, FIRST, I wrote a story about a girl named Allison winning a contest to meet the Backstre... Hermione: ANYWAY, then you write about Ron and Harry playing soccer with a silicon blob, then you write about Draco getting beaten up by Dexter Holland... Draco: Hmph! Hermione: And it's about time you stopped! Badtz: *being immature* Make me! Hermione: *whaps Badtz with a stuffed Badtz-Maru* Badtz: Hey! Leave Mr. Pengui out of this! Ron: *raises eyebrow* Mr. Pengui? Badtz: *sucks her thumb and holds Mr. Pengui* Harry: Fine. *whaps her with a stuffed Pikachu* Badtz: Ow. Draco: AHHHHHHH!!! Don't hit her! You're messing up my toenails! All: Yay! Draco: Pretty, pretty toenails! Pretty, pretty toenails! *Everyone takes a minute to admire Draco's toenails* Hermione: You really should do that as a profession. Badtz: You really think so? Harry: Yeah. Hermione: Yeah. Ron: Yeah. Draco: Pretty, pretty toenails! Badtz: *thinks* Ok! *Amby {a.k.a. Amber, the not-so-friendly little gold husky/chow dog} wanders in* Badtz: *bursts into baby talk* AWWWWWWWW! Who's my baby? Who's my baby? Oh yes you are! Yes you are! Wooji woo! WOOOJI WOO! Who's a fluffy ball of silliness? Wooji woo! Wooji woo! All (including Amby): ...........?!?! Amby: *notices HP characters* Grrrr. WOOF! BARK! Arf! Bark! Bark! Woof! RROOOOOOF! *looks all fer-oc-ious and stuff :)* Badtz: No Amby! *gives her a hug and a chew toy and shoos her out* HP characters: *very alarmed* Badtz: That was my silly puppy! Draco: That did NOT look like a silly puppy to me. Badtz: Well, she was. *beams at Draco* Harry: Riiiiiiiiiiight. Anyway, what were we talking about? Hermione: I dunno. Ron: I forget. Badtz: I think we were talking about raspberry lotion. Draco: Really? I love that stuff. Badtz: Me too! It smells good. My friend and I had a lotion fight once. Her brother tried to stop us, and ended up smelling like "Heart's Desire". I smelled like peach and mint chocolate for a week. Hermione: Really? Badtz: Yeah. Sar ended up smelling like Plumeria and Gap stuff. Harry: I wanna have a lotion fight! Badtz: Nope! Sorry! I don't want to end up smelling like fruit for another week. But you guys can use some. *Draco, Harry, Ron, and Hermione try all the little lotions in Badtz's room* Ron: Hey! Almond creme! *starts eating Badtz's lotion* *Andy, the big-ass, stupid, very friendly and lovable husky dog wanders in* Andy: *runs around knocking stuff over* Badtz: Hi, Andy. Andy: *sniffs at Harry* Harry: Your dog's sniffing me. Badtz: Uh oh. That can't be good. Harry: What do you mean? *Andy piddles (hehe... piddles) on Harry's leg* Harry: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! That's gross! Badtz: *shrugs* I kinda almost warned you. *Draco, Ron, and Hermione are hysterical* Badtz: Ok, well, now you guys have to leave. Hermione: Why? Badtz: It's almost five in the morning, and I'm tired. I really should get back to a 'normal' sleeping pattern before school starts. Draco: Yeah. It would help. Badtz: Alright, well, bye! Harry: Bye! Ron: Bye! Hermione: Bye! Draco: Bye! *Then the HP characters magically disappears, while Draco sings "Pretty, pretty toenails"*