Name: Self Insertion
Author: Badtz
Genre: Humor
Rating: PG
Summary: My 'wonderful' and 'nice' thoughts about self insertion. *gag*
E-mail: badtz@antisocial.com
Homepage: http://www.virtue.nu/shallowgirl
Ff.n page: Badtz
Self Insertion
A/N: Hey you guys. Guess what? I've made it very clear in the past, I HATE SELF INSERTION. I thought I'd write my own self insertion story. Sounds fun, huh. Well, I think I'll write two. The first one's how I see all other self insertion stories. The second one is my very own. Wow.

                                                               *****

One day, a pretty, perfect in every way (except for the fact that she's incredibly shallow and ditzy, no matter what house she goes in, how she dresses or what she does), American transfer student arrived at Hogwarts. Everyone loved her and wanted to be her friend.

"I am popular," the girl, usually named after the author *cough,cough* said. And everyone agreed with her.

Then Harry Potter decided randomly to fall in love with her, because she had no real substance or character. And so he did.

Then Draco decided randomly to fall in love with her, just because the author wants the satisfaction of making Draco feel bad in her story, as she invariably will in the end. This formed a rather nasty love triangle, except it wasn't really a triangle. It was more of a <.

Anyway, the extremely shallow girl decided to be a very random judge of character and ignore/slap/offend Draco without getting to know either Harry OR Draco well enough to judge anyone.

This hurts Draco, as the author had maliciously planned, and he ran crying off into the night as the majority of the Great Hall watched and laughed at Draco and applauded at the new girl. Except for the Slytherins, because this author doesn't like Slytherins.

Then the story stops suddenly here, because Pansy (me Pansy, not book Pansy) never bothers to read the rest of these stories because they piss her off. But presumably, in the end, everyone STILL likes Lil' Miss Piss Me Off, and she and Harry get together.

The end.

                                                               *****

My self insertion story:

One day, a bitter, neurotic girl came to Hogwarts. She decided that she didn't enjoy the company of anyone at Hogwarts, particularly not the random self insertion characters that seemed to walk by every five minutes.

This sucks, she thought.

So she went on a killing spree, blasting a (borrowed) Britney Spears and *NSync McDonald's CD until everyone had melted into a pile of blue goop and Joey Fatone came through and ate everyone, assuming it was Blue's Clues' apple sauce.

Then she walked off into the sunset, dragged Draco's remains behind her. (Because she was rather found of Draco.)

The end.