Author: Crying Raven
Genre: General
Rating: PG
Summary: Draco finds himself in a situation which he can't, or want, get out of, unfortunately it is making him miserable.
E-mail: hogwartshalls@hotmail.com
Homepage: http://www.oocities.org/hogwartshalls
Ff.n page: Crying Raven
"Why?" I hear myself say before she even call out those painful words, painful not only for the physical pain they bring, but cause I know this is all our marriage is to her.
"What?"
She looks surprised. I am too. Even more surprised that I don't stop at that.
"Why do we stay together when this is all we do?"
"The children I guess," she shrugs, but I can tell that she really wishes to fight again.
"No. How did we end up together then?"
"Opposites attract."
I look at her, not bothering to hide how I feel. 'Opposites attract' that has to be the biggest fucking lie I've ever heard.
"Keep your mouth shut," she hisses.
"I haven't said a single word," I reply, knowing that she knew exactly what I was thinking. She does that whenever I don't try to hide it, just like I can do with her.
I look at her. That icy stare, that unreadable expression and her beautiful face. Too bad she had to have such a temper.
"What happened to us?" I mumble loud enough for her to hear. I can still remember before we got married, and those two years we actually were happy.
"Nothing happened to us," she says, clearly irritated.
"It did," I say calmly knowing that I'm right. She won't admit it though, she would never agree with me now. Rather deny than agree with me. Rather lie than get along. I'm no different, I do that too.
"No, nothing ever changed between us. That's the problem." She sighs "We're just different."
I feel like launching at her and beat it into her. We are no different, we are the same by all means.
"How did it come to this?"
A moan is all I get from her as she sits down in a chair, several meters away from me.
No surprise there, ever since the twins turned two she's refused me. She avoids me most of the time too, unless she wishes to fight, then she comes to me. That's alright though, I can live with that. I just wish she wouldn't let her lover in under my roof. And people ask me what I got against werewolves.
I always knew she loved wolves, wolves and snakes, but still... a werewolf. Not that I've been faithful either, but at least I stuck with humans.
I don't mind the snakes. She is fascinated by them, she says, seems to me as only the poisonous ones are fascinating to her. Wouldn't surprise me if I got bitten by one one of these days, probably wouldn't find the antidote for that particular type either. I know which antidote goes for which breed, she made sure I learned that. In case one of the kids got bitten I guess, I can't see her give a damn about me.
"Lillith?"
"Draco."
I can tell by the tone of her voice alone that she would like to see me in pain. True pain. The kind of pain the Cruciatus curse will grant you. She'd never use it on me though, just like I wouldn't use it on her, but almost any other curse seems to do.
"Do you ever wish that we hadn't got married?"
She looks at me. Reads me. I don't bother to fight her penetrating eyes. I know that she knows that I am miserable. I also know that she couldn't care less.
"You can't turn back time," she says, and I can hear the hidden bitterness in her voice. My question finally got an answer. She's as miserable as I am.
The silence is almost frightening. It never was this silent. We used to be happy, and the twins would make a great deal of noise. If they were gone for the moment then we surely would be fighting, almost tearing the mansion apart.
I glance over at her. She glances over at me.
Still silent.
I wish she wouldn't put that unreadable expression on right now. I want to know what's going through her mind. Probably something nasty, I guess knowing Lillith.
I shouldn't have married a Slytherin, should have picked a Hufflepuff or something. Of course, Father would never have forgiven me for that. He liked Lillith.
Of course he liked her, the way she acted around him. Never said anything to upset him, never did anything he might not approve of. Of course he liked her, she was just like Mother.
She could really act, still can. I knew better even back then though. It was a way for her to make people approve of her and take her in. She was really good at reading people and become what they wanted her to be. Not when we were alone though. Back then I didn't mind the duels she dared me into, to be honest I enjoyed them. We never used any spell that would hurt the other, it was all just for fun. Now the duels are painful, and no fun at all, but when she gets upset, which is rather often, she lets it all out on me. I wonder how many rooms we've ruined. It was just lucky that she didn't try to put me on fire in the library a month or so ago. Now when we could fight how much we want without scaring the children we dont. Yet anyway.
I guess it's just a matter of time.
14 years.
10 miserable years.
Although I have to admit the four first years were wonderful. I can even remember the time when we could really talk to each other, about everything.
"Do you remember our last night at Hogwarts?" I say, breaking the silence.
"Watching the stars you mean?" She looks at me, clearly wondering how that suddenly became the subject.
"Yeah."
"What about it?"
"Why don't we do that now?"
"It's cloudy outdoors," she says and looks at me slightly annoyed.
"No, why don't we do that anymore?" I know she'd known that that was what I'd meant, she just didn't want to talk about it.
"We're not kids anymore. There's nothing interesting in the sky that you haven't seen before."
'Of course' I sigh, looking out the window. 'What did I expect?'
Silence.
I look at her calmly. She's playing with her wand, I know she still wants to start a fight so she could hurt me. It doesn't really bother me that much, it's the silence that do.
"I love you."
She looks up at me, with a questioning look in her eyes. I make no effort in hiding anything, I want her to know that I mean it. She seems so increadibly far away. A million miles away feels close compared to Lillith as she looks at me in that painfully quiet way.
As she turns away again and looks out the window I can't help but wanting to cry. She didn't believe me at all. But I'm not going to cry. I'm a Malfoy, we don't cry.
Yet again the thick silence fills the room.
