Name: Silver Lining Author: Jocetta Genre: Romance Rating: PG Summary: Pansy lost herself when she fell in love with Draco. Is it possible for her to reclaim it? E-mail: jocetta_@hotmail.com Homepage: http://envy.nu/dollymop Ff.n page: Jocetta

Silver Lining

I'm such a loser. That's what I think when I stay up here in my bedroom like this, when they ignore me. When someone doesn't sound happy to see me, or when people who used to say goodbye don't say goodbye anymore. Don't they know it makes me feel like shit? Don't they know I'm a person too, not just a non-entity, but someone with real feelings, real emotions? Sure, I may be quiet, but that doesn't mean I'm stupid. That doesn't mean I don't have opinions. People just aren't listening when I state them. Let's close our eyes and walk across the sky... Let's close our eyes and walk across the sky... I want someone to be sad to see me go. That's all I want. Why do I feel like having people happy to see me isn't enough? Why don't I place stock in warm smiles, or lopsided grins? Why don't I smile back anymore? Why do I feel like tears have taken the place of happiness in my throat? Did I use up my happiness for this lifetime already? Did my father permanently destroy all my happiness that night he crept into my room? Did Draco scar me for life when he told me he'd been using me till someone better came along? I don't even know her name. I don't want to. I don't think he did. I think that was all in his mind, that was his hurt, those were the words his mouth spoke when his heart split in half. The stories we told one another, for shock value, where really we expected sympathy. But that's impossible here, now, together. We should have known our pasts would damn us. In his arms, I could forget why I didn't want to go home, and he could forget the man he was becoming, the image he showed the world. Perfect Draco and Perfect Pansy. The perfect couple, the perfect life. He made me perfect, he completed me. We're not so perfect now, are we Draco? I let the tears fall now, even though it will smudge my makeup. They're hot, too hot, they burn my cheeks - literally. I wouldn't imagine a cold person such as myself could have such scalding tears, such strong emotions. Maybe they'll make me throw up. I want to do that, I want to vomit up all this sentiment I feel. It isn't fitting. Not for a Slytherin. But maybe if I vomit, I'll be beautiful then. Slender and ravishing. No one will be able to take their eyes off this new person I've become. Like him. I still want him, even in the depths of my melancholy, but he'll never know. He can only see me as this calm, collected person, unable to express any sort of spontaneous emotion. I'm myself and yet I'm not. And the fire burns on, inside my eyes, unchecked. Someday, it will incinerate me whole. I can't wait.