Author: Crying Raven
Genre: Humor
Rating: PG
Summary: Oh look, I've lost it. Wonder what this could possibly do the story...
E-mail: hogwartshalls@hotmail.com
Homepage: http://www.oocities.org/hogwartshalls
Ff.n page: Crying Raven
A new girl - Nathalie - starts in 7th grade (after getting kicked out of her school in Sweden and English being one of her strongest subjects. Which says a whole lot about the other subjects...) and ends up in Slytherin, because her greatest wish is to take over the world... and then there is that love for blood and fire, but let's not go there. Her mom doesn't want everyone to know that her only child is a psycho and future pryo and mass murderer.
She doesn't really fit in, mainly cause she refuses to wear the robes (cause she hates dresses, and no matter what anyone told her, they were dresses, not robes. She went for an attempt of individuality instead) and instead wear big and baggy muggle clothes that are several sizes too big for her, cause she like those clothes.
She finds that all other students were idiots and goes and sit down in the Slytherin common room and drifts into her own little world (that includes TV, computers and sellout boybands). The rest of the Slytherins gets very annoyed at her and her habit of having her legs stretched out constantly, since they trip over her all the time.
After the first weeks Nathalie had become pretty miserable when she realized that:
1. There isn't a single TV in the whole place, she is now unable to watch the crappy horror movies that go every now and then. The wish to see blood flow grows.
2. The lack of not only the internet but also computers has left her with no chance of reading or posting fanfics. This is followed by breaking some stuff that doesn't belong to her, and some that does. McGonagall gives her detention for two weeks and takes 15 points from Slytherin.
3. The word CD makes as much sense to the purebloods as "Britney Spears is talented" does to her. The lack of music of her choice puts Nathalie into a serious depression. Suicide is thought about constantly.
4. She can't do nothing in class, forget to do homework and sleep till noon at Hogwarts. Putting the school on fire is considered an option.
Nathalie gets terribly upset over something (who cares what it is? She gets terribly upset every now and then anyway) and decides to take a walk for a couple of hours to clear her head and ends up lost in the forbidden forest. It's full moon. After cursing loudly and lying down on the ground in hope that she'll die faster that way she realizes that she's not alone. After watching the... uh... interesting pair of red eyes she goes back to lying on the ground in wait for death to come. She is however not that lucky and the person with red eyes decides to talk to her. She gets greatly annoyed.
After Nathalie swears faithfulness to the dark side, in exchange for certain blond singers of BSB and the Offspring (but mainly to get rid of the guy), Voldemort leaves. A couple of hours later (still no vicious animal or monster that have come along to kill her, much to her disappointment) a complete stranger finds her. Because life isn't fair this stranger doesn't kill her (Nathalie curses under her breath when she realizes he's there to help her). Instead he forces her to get up off the ground and drags her through the forest back to Hogwart's grounds. Through the whole time he refuses to tell her his name and mutters something about a friend forgetting to take some kind of potion and the full moon. Not that she was listening. When he turns himself into a big, black dog she snaps and kills him with the butcher knife she always carried with her.
Two months later she overhears Harry and his friends talking about how odd it is that his godfather haven't written a letter in a good while. She laughs all the way to Potions class, where she completely on purpose puts Lavender Brown on fire ("She had it coming"). Snape pretends not to notice to avoid taking points off his own house. The whole class realizes that the Swedish girl got issues.
Harry and friends are now completely convinced that the new girl is there on the mission of Voldemort. Draco is not, since she is a mudblood... a mudblood with vampire tendencies, but a mudblood nonetheless.
Either way, when Christmas is just around the corner all the decorations and Christmas trees are suddenly one morning on fire. Since everyone, except Nathalie who couldn't sleep, are asleep the fire grows huge before anyone notices. By then all the Ravenclaws have been slaughtered and the Hufflepuffs are burned in together with a couple of teachers (including Filtwick, Madam Hooch and McGonagall).
Complete chaos breaks out and Nathalie takes the chance of stabbing some more people to death. Finally, after getting bored of the bloodbath she accuses Harry for the deed (she was bored, okay?). The Slytherins are quick to agree that they saw him walk in the halls (how? They just did). Here Dumbledore would have said something if it hadn't been for the fact that he had already got his throat cut. Who needs magic to kill?
Ron and Hermione protest, and get... hmm... silenced because Draco is simply sick and tired of them. Not that he was the only one. Snape takes the chance of blowing a shocked Harry Potter into pieces.
After getting bored of the chaos Nathalie blows everyone up. Except Snape and Draco, cause she liked them. She would have spared Lupin too, if he had been there... possibly Black too, if she hadn't already killed him, cause she thought he was kind of cute.
When the Ministry of Magic came to the scene Hogwarts had burned down to the ground (revealing several skeletons in various dungeons, Snape refused to admit that those were, among others, Neville Longbottom and Colin Creevy although then he blurred out that they pissed him off and deserved to be locked up in the dungeons until they finally died out of starvation.) and the only ones left standing was Snape, Draco and the psycho chick (who was busy tattooing Draco with a home tatoo set (which she stole from AJ of the BSB) with various tattoos that she liked while humming "Want you bad"). They all got thrown into Azkaban and were left there to rot (which they eventually did).
Nathalie never got Nick Carter and Dexter Holland cause Voldie doesn't keep promises (plus he had a sudden heart attack and died, but still).
Moral of this story: People who end up in Slytherin are most likely powerfreaks who will end up as Death Eaters. People like that shouldn't learn how to use magic. Neither should girls who do whatever their cereals tell them to do.
