When butterflies beat their wings : Chapter One

Warnings/notes : Yohji/Ken, third pov, center shifts after each songfragment (more or less)

Disclaimer : I don't own Weiss Kreuz. The song 'I just died' belongs to Amerie. Lyrics slightly altered.

[!] Spoiler : mentioning of Kase

written at 16th july 2003, by Misura

Author's note : The hardest part of this fic was the title ; somehow the title of the song I used didn't fit the happy mood ^^; In the end, I picked one of the lines in the songtext.

**********

//Staring in the mirror

I start to carefully contemplate//

Ken Hidaka, you're a total idiot.

Gloomily, a brown-haired boy stared into the bathroom-mirror. In spite of his best efforts, his hair still looked rather messy.

And since when do I care about that?

It's not like I'm doing anything special today ; just morning-shift with Yohji.

"What's taking you so long, Kenken?" Not even bothering to knock, the person Ken's thoughts always seemed to come back to walked in. "Other people want to use the bathroom too you know." Yohji grinned as Ken turned away from the mirror almost guiltily.

Mumbling something that might have been an apology, Ken hurried out of the bathroom.

//Just really how deep

Is this thing I have for you?//

As soon as the door had fallen shut behind his teammate, Yohji's grin was replaced by a frown.

What's going on with Ken? He's been acting weird recently.

Is it some girl he's expecting to see again today? One of the visitors of the flowershop? I'd have noticed it if he went out aside from his soccer-hours ...

His reflection seemed to mock him.

I'm *not* jealous! I'm *not* in love with Ken! I'm just concerned about him.

He sighed.

Who am I trying to fool? If only he wouldn't be so innocent!

//It's wearing on my heart

And from the start you know I try//

Hmm, he's done quickly.

Ken was glad to see Yohji show up only ten minutes late. Some of the fangirls were beginning to really make him nervous with the way they kept looking at him.

Like they were cats and he was some mouse they'd like to snatch.

At least Yohji doesn't do that ; he may tease me from time to time, but he doesn't see me as some *thing* he might play around with.

He sees me as a *friend* and I'm happy with it that way. Even if I might dream of getting a little bit more than friendship from him, he never crosses the line between teasing and serious flirting.

"Excuse me, but do you also have roses?" one of the shyer girls asked, preventing Ken's thoughts from wandering off again.

"Of course! Lots of different kinds even, come on, I'll show them to you. They're over there." With a genuine smile, Ken lead the girl over to where the roses were displayed.

//Instead of fading I saw

Friendship turned to love//

It was getting harder every day, Yohji reflected sourly. Harder to pretend his remarks weren't meant seriously, harder to watch those girls eye Ken as some sort of cookie.

Knowing Ken was way to shy to respond to their attempts at contact any more enthusiastic than to his own, did little to ease Yohji's frustration.

He was mostly annoyed with himself. Not for caring so much about Ken, but rather for not acting more clearly to inform the other of his feelings.

Face it, Kudoh, you're just dead scared he'll reject you.

His smiles and flirting were less animated than usual that day ; they had become a reflex long ago and old habits died hard. Yet they were fading, week by week.

//I know you probably think

That I'm so strange//

You're really sad, Hidaka, imagining he's watching *you* with all those girls around.

Even if he *was* looking in your direction, he was probably just checking out some girl.

The morning crept past, keeping Ken too busy to think of Yohji anymore. At lunch-time Aya arrived to take things over. Ken didn't know where the redhead had spent his morning ; normally unless he had anything else to do, Aya helped in the shop regardless if it was his shift.

Because 'somebody has to remind people we're a shop and not an exhibition'.

Ken smiled, not noticing the effect this had on the girls around him, or on Yohji who was -indeed- still keeping an eye on him.

//That I hang on every word

When you look my way//

Yohji wondered which of the girls had caused Ken's face to light up ; none of them had seemed special to him in any way.

And if *I* could bring that expression to it as well.

"Uhm, Yohji?" A hand softly touched his shoulder.

"Yes, Kenken?" Yohji was proud of how normal his voice sounded, betraying nothing of the way he felt or what he had been thinking about before Ken interrupted him.

"Our shift is over now, since Aya's here, you know." Ken blushed slightly, prompting Yohji to swallow the reply that rose to his lips about the brunet stating the obvious.

"Thanks for reminding me, Kenken." He couldn't quite keep the teasing undertone out of his voice. Then, before he had time to think about it he added : "Got anything to do this afternoon?"

When Butterflies Beat their wings: Chapter Two

//Maybe it's all in my mind

But when we say goodbye//

Ken felt his cheeks grow even redder at hearing Yohji ask the question he had meant to ask.

Way to go, 'Kenken'.

First you manage to say something completely useless and now you're blushing like a schoolgirl.

He's not asking you on a date! Now answer before he gets suspicious!

"Uhm, no, not really." he stammered. "Nothing *important* anyway."

"Shall we go for lunch somewhere?" Yohji offered.

Ken frowned.

He's never invited me to *that* before. Well, except that one time ...

"You're not just asking me because you're broke again and want me to buy you lunch, do you?"

"Kenken! Would I do that?" Yohji inquired with big 'innocent' eyes.

"You *did* that already. Or did you forget that?" Ken reminded him.

Yohji pouted. "You're so suspicious, Kenken. I'd almost refrain from my generous impulse to pay for yours as well as my lunch."

"Wow! Thanks Yohji! Be back in a sec!" Ken sprinted away to get rid of his apron.

Aya wished them a pleasant afternoon with his usual calm expression, though Yohji thought he saw a hint of a smile on the redhead's lips. Ken was way to excited to notice anything.

It's *not* a date, but it's sure the next best thing!

//Butterflies beat their wings

And I just die//

Well, there goes half my salary of this month.

Yohji honestly hadn't meant to make lunch his treat, but when Ken had made it clear that, in spite of Yohji's hoping the opposite, he hadn't forgotten their last lunch together yet, his pride and conscience had conspired to make him offer to pay for it.

Look at him ; he's all beaming!

Because of *me*.

He knew that wasn't true of course ; Ken was merely looking forward to a free lunch but ...

He's beautiful when he's as happy as this.

He should have more reasons to be that, only he doesn't. I wish I could give him some.

"So, where are you going to make a beggar out of me, Kenken?" Yohji asked, grinning.

It's worth *anything* to see him like this. Might as well try to make this an occasion he'll remember for quite a while. Or at least until I need him to repay the favor.

//I could die in your arms tonight//

"You'll let *me* pick the place?" Ken was rather surprised at that ; he'd expected Yohji to go somewhere cheap and order him the item lowest priced on the menu.

It's what I would have done, if I'd be able to use my brains around Yohji.

What's he trying to do? I'm sure he's up to *something* only I can't figure out what.

Maybe I should simply enjoy it while it lasts ...

Yohji shrugged. "Why not? I owe you, after all. Besides, I trust your sense of honor."

Ken snorted. "Yeah right. Very touching, Yohji."

The blond winked. "Worth a try, ne? Well, Kenken, I'm still waiting for an answer."

I *should* pick someplace expensive to pay him back, but that would make me feel guilty.

Besides, expensive food doesn't necessarily taste good.

//And I wouldn't want nobody

To bring me back to life//

Slightly to Yohji's surprise, they ended up at Ken's favorite place : 'Oishii'. It was nice but small, not the kind of restaurant he would take any of his dates to but rather one to go for a quick, none too heavily priced snack.

Seems Kenken isn't the type to bear a grudge after all.

I should have known really ; he's the type to forgive easily.

It's good to know that bastard Kase didn't change that.

Ken's ability for cheerfulness and optimism amazed him sometimes.

They kicked him out of the J-league, but instead of never wanting to see a soccer-ball again, he teaches little kids and watches almost every match on TV.

His best friend betrayed him, two times, yet he goes on trusting people, rather than becoming more like Aya, who shuts himself away from almost every human contact.

//I could die in your arms tonight,

Hey I could die in your arms//

There was something in the way Yohji was gazing at him that made Ken feel both uncomfortable and elated. Some emotion that seemed very close to ...

Love? From Yohji Kudoh, the biggest flirt of Tokyo?

Oh, please, Hidaka! You're smarter than that.

And yet ...

I've never seen him look at any of his dates like this.

Does that mean ... ack, no, I should stop thinking like this.

He doesn't look at me like he does at his dates, because we're friends, because we're *not* on a date and because I'm not a girl.

Still, what harm can there be in dreaming, in pretending just for a few minutes that he *does* love me?

//Tonight//

Ken smiled at him, in a way Yohji had never been smiled at by him before. It caused his stomach to flutter, lessening his appetite even more.

Like he's saying 'I know you love me and I want to tell you I love you too'.

Ridiculous! Just wishful thinking!

Though it's a very enjoyable fantasy.

And it can't hurt to indulge in my fantasies a little, can it?

To him, it'll be just me being a tease again, nothing more.

"Your food's getting cold, Kenken." he remarked. In fact, so was his own, but he wasn't planning on eating it anyway, so that didn't really matter.

Ken stared at his half-full plate. "I'm not that hungry anymore. You want it?"

Yohji made a face. "No thanks. Shall we go back then?"

"Yeah, I guess." Ken didn't sound overly eager. Yohji couldn't blame him.

"Or we could walk around a bit, get some fresh air and everything." he proposed, hopefully.

Ken grinned, rising and grabbing his jacket. "Why not? Has Omi been bugging you about how unhealthy it is to smoke and how you should do more healthy things again?"

"Don't you start too." Yohji growled. "The chibi's bad enough on his own."

Ken laughed and winked. "We do it because we love you, Yohji. You know that."

If only that was true ...

When Butterflies beat their wings: Chapter three

//Your fingers hushed my lips

As I tried to explain//

Ken had lost track of time as well as where exactly they were going.

Even at this time of day, the streets of Tokyo were well-filled with all kinds of people. So it had been only practical to hold hands to keep from losing sight of eachother. And of course this also meant they had to stick close to prevent their arms from getting too stretched.

Though I don't think Yohji gets much healthy, fresh air this way ...

"Hey, look, there's a park!" he pointed.

Yohji stared at him oddly. "You want to go in there, Kenken?"

Ken blinked. "Sure. Why not?"

What's wrong with walking in a park?

Oh. Maybe he doesn't want to be seen with me and have people think we're ...

//Maybe you and I should hide

From such a love affair//

"Yeah, why not?" Yohji echoed, cutting off Ken's train of thoughts.

There was no real need to keep grasping Ken's hand after they entered the park, but since Ken didn't seem to mind, Yohji held his hand where it was.

I like it and it makes no difference to him.

"Yohji ... " Ken's voice trailed off slightly uncertain.

Or does it?

"Yes, Kenken? Is something wrong?" He made sure to sound light and teasing.

Would you rather not have me touch you?

"I ... I'm a little tired." Ken stammered, looking rather embarrassed.

Yohji could have laughed with relief. "Would you like to sit down somewhere then?" he proposed. "There are lots of good places to take a rest around here."

Ken nodded.

When they sat down on a bench, it seemed only natural Yohji's arm crept up, until his hand rested on Ken's shoulder. And when the brunet leaned into him, that was nothing out of the ordinary either, was it?

Except that it feels so good I want to stay like this forever.

//My friends think that I'm so insane

To fight this feeling//

Ken expected Yohji to say something about him having his head against Yohji's shoulder any moment, but as the blond kept quiet, Ken was more than content to be silent as well and simply enjoy the sensations their position was giving him.

The afternoon seemed to pass way too quickly.

Hm. I wonder what Omi and Aya will say when we get home this late.

*If* Aya says anything.

"Ken ... " Yohji sounded a bit strangled.

Oh, oh.

"What?" he mumbled.

"Don't you think it's about time we went back to the Koneko? It's getting rather late ; the sun's setting already."

Ken opened his eyes, having forgotten when he had closed them, to see Yohji was right.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." Reluctantly, he pulled away, standing up.

//But my life's at stake//

Yohji firmly suppressed the stab of loss when Ken slipped away and managed to keep smiling.

"Hey, no need to hurry ; I'm not that eager to see what new recipe Omi wants to try out on us this evening." he grumbled, sauntering after the brunet.

Ken flashed him a grin. "Oh come on, Yohji! Who *always* asks for a second helping when Omi has cooking-duty?"

"You, for one." Yohji replied. "And you want a third and a fourth too, most of the time."

Ken huffed. "You do it too, Yohji. Heck, even *Aya* does it, even if he never says as much as a simple 'please'. Omi's simply a genius in the kitchen."

"Unlike some others I could mention." Yohji teased.

Ken shrugged. "At least my dishes are edible. I can't say the same of ... of ... "

"Of mine?" Yohji suggested, wondering why Ken was hesitating to say it. It was true ; Yohji had never really bothered to learn more than making good coffee.

"I didn't want to say that." Ken turned his head away.

"Why not? It's nothing but the truth." Yohji was curious.

He's never been afraid to hurt my feelings before.

//Your embrace, thoughts

Won't erase (Won't erase)//

Ken bit his lip.

What words can I use to make him understand without scaring him away?

"I .. like you."

That sounds so ... wrong. Weak. What I feel for him is much stronger than that.

Yohji eyed him a little confused. "I like you too, Kenken. Even if you can be a bit of a klutz sometimes." He said the last with a grin and a wink.

Is he trying to change the subject?

Ken shook his head. "I'm serious! I mean, I *like* you. A lot."

Have I said too much?

Yohji remained quiet.

Ah well, might as well get it over with.

"I think maybe I'm in love with you." he whispered.

//Baby now I'm gonna hope and pray

Every hour, minute of the day//

"Kenken ... " Yohji didn't exactly know how to reply to that declaration. On one hand, he wanted to sweep the other off his feet in an embrace and tell Ken he felt the same, only without the 'maybe'-part. On the other ...

He's a total innocent. What if it's only a puppy love, a crush?

I shouldn't take advantage of that ; he deserves someone perfect.

I ought to reject him for his own good, even if it'll hurt him.

Only I don't want to.

I want *him*.

Ken's eyes stared at him pleadingly, a hint of fear in them.

He trusts me. Trusts me to do the right thing. Trusts me not to harm him.

How can I risk breaking his heart? Or mine?

"I think ... we should talk about this later."

Kudoh, you're such a coward! That has to be the lamest answer you could possibly give him.

When Butterflies Beat Their wings: Chapter Four

//I'm waiting hoping, praying

(Hope and pray)

That you might stay//

Ken bravely swallowed his disappointment and nodded his agreement.

At least he didn't outright reject me or tell me I was a pervert for thinking about him that way.

They walked home in an uncomfortable silence, until they were almost there and Yohji halted.

"Listen, Ken ... "

"You don't feel the same, do you? That's okay, I won't bother you again." Ken interrupted him.

I never should have gone so far in the first place.

"No, Ken." Yohji replied softly, reaching out to cup Ken's face and lift it up to his own. "You're wrong. I *do* feel the same. I love you, and I'd rather die than see you hurt."

Ken's eyes became very wide. "You do? Really?"

This has to be another dream ; there's no way this can happen in reality.

Yes, that's it. I'm going to wake up any moment now.

"I see it's going to take more than words to convince you." Yohji murmured, seemingly guessing the direction his thoughts were taking by the expression on his face.

//And now you're moving oh so closely//

I've gone this far ; I'm not going to turn back now.

I'll prove to you this is real, and then I'll prove to you that there also are people you can trust to never betray you, to always be there.

Leaning down, Yohji softly touched his lips to Ken's, waiting for the other's reaction to continue to an actual kiss or to break it off right there.

I'm not going to rush you into this, Ken.

We're going to take this as slow as you want us to.

After a few breathless seconds, he felt Ken responding, pressing in closer and throwing his arms around Yohji's shoulders.

Who'd have thought the great Yohji Kudoh could have his mind completely blown away by a single kiss?

//Killing me

So gently, so softly//

Ken couldn't believe what his senses were telling him.

But it has to be true ; none of my fantasies felt this real. Or this good.

A cool voice pulled him down from his pink cloud. "Dinner's getting cold."

Aya ...

It took him a full minute to realize what that actually meant. If Yohji's arms hadn't been holding him more or less in place, he'd have jumped away. As it was, he merely broke the kiss with his cheeks on fire. He noticed a flash of hurt in Yohji's eyes, that made him feel even more embarrassed.

I'm such a fool! Now Yohji thinks I'm ashamed of having kissed him and Aya ... well, I don't even want to *know* what Aya's thinking of me at the moment.

"Oh, hi, Aya. Don't you know it's inpolite to stare?" Yohji drawled, regaining his cool.

"I wasn't staring." Aya replied.

"Thanks for telling us about dinner." Ken managed. "We - "

//I just died in your arms tonight

And I don't want nobody

To bring me back to life//

"We aren't hungry right now." Yohji interrupted him.

You can contradict me if you want, Kenken, but I'm not going to let you pretend nothing happened. Either you want me, or you don't.

If you do, I don't care who knows or sees.

"Actually, we should eat something, Yohji." Ken remarked. "We barely ate anything at lunch. It's not healthy to go without food too long."

Yohji rolled his eyes. "I thought I told you the chibi was already pestering me more than enough about living more responsible."

'We', eh, Kenken?

I must admit I like the sound of that.

Ken shrugged. "Apparently not enough. So, are you coming?"

"Oh, all right then." Yohji grumbled. "I suppose it wouldn't do to hurt Omi's feelings by not trying his culinary creation of this evening."

"Indeed." Aya snorted, walking back in.

//I just died in your arms tonight,

Hey I just died in your arms//

"Yohji, wait!" Ken grabbed the blond's arm. "I'm sorry."

Please. I didn't mean to hurt you.

Yohji blinked. "For what? For kissing me?"

"No!" Ken shook his head. "Of course not! I just ... well, I guess this is all a little new to me. Aya startled me. I didn't intend to ... "

Please tell me you understand.

Yohji smiled gently, reaching out a hand to touch Ken's hair.

"It's okay, Ken. You're shy ; I know that. And now, I think we'd better get inside before the temptation to kiss you again becomes too much. You look downright adorable when you're blushing, you know that?" His hand softly stroke Ken's cheek. "Beautiful."

Ken was sure his face was about to catch fire. "Thank you."

//Tonight//

"Ken-kun! Yohji-kun!" Omi beamed as they entered the kitchen. "I was about to give up on you and let Aya have the rest of today's dinner!"

Aya glared at him, while Ken giggled and quickly grabbed a plate.

"Wow, this tastes great, Omi!" Ken bobbed his head enthusiastically.

Hmm. So much for love ruining one's appetite.

"Not bad at all." Yohji agreed, wondering what he should do after dinner.

I can't ... I shouldn't ... he's never ...

"Are you going out again tonight, Yohji-kun?" Omi inquired nonchalantly.

"Nah, don't think so." he looked at Ken. Omi smiled.

"What about you, Ken-kun ; are you going to watch that soccer-match?"

Ken shook his head. Yohji was amused to notice his cheeks were growing red again.

"I'm not really all that interested." Ken replied.

//And yet here I am

Laughing//

"Well, Aya and me are both going out, so I hope we can trust you to keep the house safe. Don't stay up too late, don't smoke inside -yes, that's meant for you, Yohji-kun!- and don't make too much of a mess." Omi glanced at Aya. "Did I forget anything?"

"You could wish them a good time." Aya shrugged, grabbing his coat. "That might be ... appropriate under the circumstances." He smirked.

Omi chortled. "Okay, and have fun you two! I think you make a great couple!"

"Thanks." Ken mumbled.

"The same to you, chibi, wherever you're going." Yohji grinned.

"Me?" Omi asked with wide, innocent eyes. "I'm just going over to a friend from school to make our homework together. Aya-kun happens to be going the same way, so he'll drop me off."

Ken frowned, looking up as Yohji touched his arm and shook his head.

Ah well, he's right. it's none of my business anyway.

As he bended his head closer to Yohji for a kiss, he heard footsteps hastily departing, accompanied by a 'hn' and a giggle.

"Well, I think we can definitely hold true to at least one of the chibi's commands." Yohji remarked, when they broke apart again.

~OWARI~

Author's note : *sighs* Yes, somehow those other two pairings crept in again. Sorry. But hey, they weren't *that* prominently present, were they? *looks hopefully*

(Oh, and yes, Omi went to see Nagi, and yes, Aya went to visit Crawford. That leaves Schu for Farfie, so that everyone can be happy. ^^;)