Title: No doubts, lots of regrets
Author: Misura
Author's email: misura@subterrainia.zzn.com
Pairings: [S x Y, C x S in recent past]
Warnings: Angst/Romance
Notes: Schuldich writes a letter of farewell to Crawford

No doubts, lots of regrets

Warnings/notes : Written after I finished 'Counting the petals 5'. By that time I was really annoyed with Crawford, so I wrote this. Other than that there's no relation between this story and my other ones.

Pairings : Yohji x Schuldich (Crawford x Schuldich in the recent past)

Disclaimer : I don't own Weiss Kreuz.

written at 26 february 2003, by Misura

**********

Dear Brad,

"I thought he hated it when you called him that?"

"He does. But it doesn't really matter anymore, does it?"

"I guess not."

maybe I am a coward for writing you this note instead of speaking to you in person.

"Why do you drag yourself down like that?"

"I said 'maybe'."

But I want to tell you something and somehow when we meet I never get to say the words I intend to. You always bring up something else. You never let me finish when I start speaking to you about our relationship. So I guess this is the only way.

"You got that right."

"Will you stop reading over my shoulder? I'm trying to concentrate."

"Sorry."

Recently I have discovered something. I found myself relying on you, worrying about you when you were gone. I needed you to make me feel complete. Without you I was less than that.

And I saw you didn't return that feeling.

You can manage on your own just fine. You merely allow me to be a part of your life.

A small part.

It's not enough for me anymore. I met someone else. He asked me to come and live with him.

At first I said no.

But then I reconsidered and it became yes. Unlike you, he likes all the things I like. He likes the music I like, he visits the clubs I visit, he orders the drinks I usually drink.

"Not to mention I'm a lot better it bed than he could ever be."

"Don't talk about things you know nothing about."

"Hmph."

You could say we were meant for eachother. So I decided to accept his offer.

My bags are packed. I'm leaving. But there are still a few things I want you to know.

I loved you. You never believed that I think, but it was true every time I said it to you.

It hurts not to be believed. It hurts not to be cared about.

Living with you has been like living in hell for me these past weeks.

I no longer want to go through that. It's over.

I don't know if I love him like I loved you.

Maybe I will never love anyone that much again.

But at least he won't hurt me like you did.

"You can bet your life on that."

"In a way I do."

"I hadn't looked on it that way."

"Your mind is rather limited."

"No more than yours."

"Perhaps."

Goodbye, Brad. I hope one day you'll go through the same hell I went through.

"Na, can't write that."

"Why not? You're right ; he deserves it."

"No. I'll change it."

Goodbye, Brad. I hope you'll be happy.

"You still love him, don't you? After all he's done to you."

"And what if I do? Are you jealous of him?"

"Hey, I won, didn't I? You're moving in with me, leaving him. Why should I be jealous?"

"Just because."

"All right, so maybe I think you're being a bit too easy on him. I mean, you're not exactly the forgive-and-forget kind of person. I'd think you'd want to pay him back."

"There's nothing to pay him back for."

"He hurt you. You said it yourself."

"Maybe he didn't mean to do that."

"Schuldich........"

"You don't know him. You weren't there. You have no right to judge him. And like you just said : you got what you wanted. You got me."

"And a pretty prize you are too."

"So there. I don't need to sign it ; he'll know it comes from me."

"Ready to leave? No second thoughts?"

"No doubts, lots of regrets."

"I'll make you forget him."

"Shall we go then?"

"I don't see why not. Got everything you want to take?"

"Let's see ... three bags of clothes, one bag of personal stuff and one certain blonde hotshot. Yup, I got everything."

"Then we're out of here."

~OWARI~