Being at Ohtori again was something like a dream come true. My life for once had taken a turn for the better. I gained many new acquaintances and as a whole, I was generally well known. I think part of it was because I was more talkative and outgoing. It's amazing what a boost of self confidence can do. To have Juri-san in love with me was... splendid.
I didn't speak with her, not really. Not like we used to. Some infernal part of me missed that. For the most part however, I was happy. I felt loved even though she'd never actually said those three words to me; we both knew it was the truth.
We'd pass each other in the halls and I'd always say 'hi'. I wanted to keep the lines of communication open. I wanted her to.. still think of me. There was no way that I could ever truly ignore her, and Juri-san could never refrain from returning my hello. It became a ritual. Usually when I passed her I was with a group of friends and when this was the case I'd be extra cheery... with my greeting. That way they knew that Juri-san and I were friends.
However when I was walking by myself and caught sight of her my 'hellos'' would be somewhat meek. At other times if I spotted her before she saw me I'd turn to go in another direction, my face blossoming crimson. I don't know why. I was afraid of her speaking to me. It'd be the absolute end of the world if she came up to me to talk about her feelings! Even so, I knew this was an impossability. Though at times I'd sit on my windowsill and daydream possible conversations. Juri-san would never be so forth right with me.
I took up my old habit of going to the fencing dojo and watching her. The pull was irresistable and I liked to watch her while she was unaware. Utena and Anthy were there a lot of the time, watching both Juri-san and 'Miki-kun'. In time I began to watch him as well. For such a young student, he was awful familiar with Juri-san. And she didn't necessarily shun him. I didn't like it.
One day while eating lunch with Sakura, Aya and Miho, I casually mentioned his name, indicating that he was a good fencer. They took the bait. Soon I knew almost everything about Kaoru Miki. A seventh grader taking college level courses, the handsome boy genius who was a prodigy with the piano. He had a twin sister. Kozue. His sister, in contrast to him, was outgoing and had quite a reputation. Miki on the other hand was the shy loner type.
This was sufficient for me, he didn't seem to be the gutsy. He would most likely be smart enough to keep his distance from Juri-san. I noticed when I saw him fence that he never charged aggresively enough. He lacked the courage or motivation. There was no way that Juri-san could ever fancy the idea of him and her. Or so I hoped.
'Are you interested in Miki-kun?,' Aya asked excitedly. She'd been wanting me to get a boyfriend for some time.
'He is popular with all the girls, even the ones in high school,' Miho threw in. As if all the compliments in the world made by them would help his cause at all.
'Don't be silly,' I said frowning at the thought. 'He's just a child...'
I doubted someone weak like him could ever satisfy my desires. Still, I kept returning to the fencing room. Sometimes I'd arrive when everybody was gone. At this point I would sneak into their locker room. I'd go to Juri-san's locker and trail my fingers across it. Arisugawa Juri, written on a plaque. The lockers most often were not locked. Especially Juri-san's. Everyone was respectful enough not to go into her things; but I wasn't. I'd open it and take out her epee and hold it lovingly. Pathetic, I know but it made me feel... closer. Eventually I began to polish it. I'd sit on the bench in the locker room for twenty minutes or so a day and polish her sword. I'd think about old memories then... Juri-san and I in the past. I was sad that we could never be like that again, but when I polished the sword it made me feel as if we were past that. As if I could fix the mistakes, erase them just like I did with the epee, ridding it of its scratches and dents, making it shine. Juri-san must've questioned why it was in such wonderful condition. Surely she didn't pay it that much attention.
I'd watch her perform with her fencing foil though. Everyday. Except one. I had been sick the week prior with a terrible flu and had to miss an exam. A week later I had to take the make up, which was harder but I was comfortable with the material and passed it easily.
The next day, the school was pumping with it's lifeblood. Gossip. Tsuchiya Ruka, the former fencing team captain had returned. Former fencing captain...? It took me a while to place the name but I remembered not long after hearing the news. Tsuchiya Ruka, Juri-san had mentioned him in previous letters. She had taken over his position as captain and now he had returned. This was something that practically nobody had known. My trio of friends further informed me that he was tall, handsome and incredibly suave. Also that he had beaten Juri-san in a fencing match. I couldn't believe it. No one could beat Juri-san. I protested this but they were all quite firm with their findings.
I had missed it. The next day I ran to the fencing room, the place was even more packed than usual. Hordes of girls lined the balcony, screaming like fanatics. Not only at Juri-san and Miki, but Tsuchiya-san as well. From a distance I watched both him and Juri-san. I gave Tsuchiya-sempai more attention though; after all I knew Juri-san inside and out. He _was_ handsome. Dark blue hair with the lighter blue falling over his face and so tall... I couldn't stop looking as he taught a girl how to stand and hold the foil. It was something like seductive. He stood so close to her, using his hand to direct her body... More girls squealed for him to give her a turn and I turned to look at Juri-san. The way she watched him work. Much like myself. I didn't like _that_ either. Normally she doesn't pay attention to anybody except a fencing partner, yet there she was. Just another girl. A fan? I'd always wondered what their relationship had been. It sounded before that she had a great deal of respect for him, did the roots run deeper than that? I couldn't bring myself to ask her. Especially now. It might have given her the wrong idea.
'Tsuchiya-san is so fantastic!,' I heard a girl yell out.
'Doesn't it seem like that's all anyone talks about?'
I focused my attention back on him, still teaching the same girl while another group of girls awaited their turn. He was so good looking and respected by everyone... and charismatic.... The kind of guy any girl would love to have. I tried not to let my mind wander.
***
Days later I made my way to the fencers locker room as usual. The sun was beginning to set but it'd taken so long for everyone to clear out. I had to polish Juri-san's sword. It had gotten to the point where it was therepeutic for me. I sat there polishing it, but my mind kept returning to Tsuchiya-sempai. It was strange. No other beside Juri-san had ever invaded my head in such a way. The scraping noise as I sharpened the edges didn't disguise the sound. A noise. Someone was in there with me. Moving quietly, I stood, my hand hastily opened what I thought was Juri-san's locker and I shoved the sword in before scampering away. My breath was shallow and I bit my lip. What if Juri-san caught me? I'd be so embarassed... Or if somebody else told her they'd seen me there... I stood against a wall at the far end of the room until I heard the sound of a door opening and closing. All was silent.
When I was sure the coast was clear I returned to the lockers, that deep red color and ran my fingers from Juri-san's locker to Tsuchiya-sempai's before resting my head on it. It was heated from the sunlight streaming in. I wondered if his arms would be just as comforting. Could they compare to Juri-san's? I didn't hear the footsteps approach until it was too late. I heard them once they'd stopped, just like I feared my heart would do.
Gasping in surprise, I pulled myself back and in doing so was forced to watch as a locker door came swinging open and Juri-san's sword... Dropping to the floor. It made a clanging noise and there stood Tsuchiya-sempai. Watching me. The sword had fallen... it would get dirty and have another scratch or dent! I watched it until it came to a standstill. Tsuchiya-sempai would tell Juri-san and the others... I'd be humiliated. I didn't know what to do so I sank to my knees and snatched the precious object from the floor, holding it to me as if it could keep him away. As if Juri-san would protect me. I began to make excuses, non sensical ramblings. I hoped he wouldn't think I was stalking Juri-san or anything... because... I wasn't.
'Um,- I'm sorry- I- Uh... that is- ' My voice was shaking and I was speaking in quick short halts. I continued to quake while he stood watching me. I didn't know what he would say. I waited for him to kick me out.
'So, it was you.'
I lifted my head. He didn't sound angry and yet... I had no clue to whatever he could mean. It was me what? He took a step and got down on one knee in front of me. He was like a fairy tale prince. And he smelled nice... he had some wonderful scented cologne on. Despite all of this I found myself petrified. Did he know someone had been sneaking into the locker room? It was off limits to non fencers. How much trouble would I be in if he turned me in to the administration?
'While I was away,' he said in his velvety voice while his hand ran down over Juri-san's sword, 'Someone had been polishing my sword for me everyday...'
His hand came to rest on top of mine. It was better than the warmth of the sun... So much that I nearly lost track of what he was saying. Not making sense. He wasn't making sense. Was he confused? Or still sick? Maybe Juri-san's sword looked a lot like his.
'I'm glad.'
Very sharply I turned to him and gasped. No. This was like the other time under the tree. He had it all wrong! I had to explain.
'That was you, wasn't it?'
But he was looking at me with those deep blue eyes, smiling at me so kindly. I couldn't do this again! I told myself that while he stared at me with his joyful face... But- I'd been... lonely- still! I- 'Uh... I only did it for your sake,' I said standing up. I couldn't believe I could lie so easily! I thought I had gotten away from all of that! He looked up at me with the same pleasant smile. Tsuchiya-sempai really was a prize. I could see why he was so adored. Why even Juri-san might have an interest in him... He stood up. 'That's why I polished your sword everyday.' I was such a liar.
I saw something of a glint in his eyes. Mischievous. But I didn't question it. Soon he was closer, his hand cupping my face. I began to blush wildly.
'Thank you for being such a nice person.'
I was still holding the sword and I felt the familiar flood of guilt that only a person who does bad things often could feel, rain down on me. I turned my face to the side, further into his hand, fearing he would see my eyes and see such a blatant lie.
'That is-' I began. I would have to explain, but he was tilting my face to look back at him and his lips were so close. I couldn't protest... His intentions were so clear. Tsuchiya Ruka, the most popular boy in school wanting to kiss me... and so, I let him. His sweet feather light lips kissing my own... I felt my head do spins... so spectacular it felt... *** Tsuchiya-sempai took me on a stroll around the campus, right after the kiss. He said he wanted to get to know the kind hearted girl who'd polished his sword. During all of this I thought of telling him the truth; but so far all of the truth telling I'd done had gotten me in trouble. It would accomplish nothing now. Besides he was so happy thinking I'd polished his sword. I couldn't very well take that away from him, could I?
'I feel terrible that I don't know the name of the girl who devoted so much of her time to my sword,' he said to me as we walked, the sun was still setting and I wondered how much time he would dedicate to me. Surely not much.
'Oh-,' I said blushing in embarassment for the both of us. I hadn't spent any time on _his_ sword, how foolish would he feel if he found out? 'I'm Shiori... but I've never exactly been the popular type...' Not like Juri-san. 'So I understand how you could not remember me...' This was the first day I'd met him.
'Shiori, is it,' he said, his eyes smiling, 'It's a pleasure to meet you,' he laughed and at first I thought he was mocking me but he continued. 'I imagine that must sound strange, considering I kissed you minutes after I'd laid eyes on you.'
'I'm sorry....,' I said out of reflex, ' I-'
'I'm the one who should apologize,' he said solemnly, 'I shouldn't have taken advantage of you like I did.'
'Oh no-' I began to say. It was alright. I hadn't minded. Kissing Tsuchiya-sempai was so different than kissing _him_. When he had kissed me I felt something stir within. It was the difference between a boy and a man.
'I was just so grateful,' he started up again, smiling warmly at me, 'I didn't think anybody cared so much- I don't even think the fencing team had missed me.'
'That's not true,' I said, 'You're very popu-'
'Everybody thought Arisugawa had always been the captain.'
'Juri-san?,' I couldn't help myself, the strain in my voice. I hadn't expected for her to be brought up.
'Juri-san is it? Not many can get away with that,' he looked me over curiously, 'Are the two of you friends?'
'...' I looked down. How could I answer that? 'Juri-san and I have known each other for a long time.'
'Oh?' It was obvious he wanted me to continue. What would he think if he knew 'Arisugawa' was in love with me? I felt reprehensible, still I didn't know why. There was nothing wrong with Tsuchiya-sempai and I taking a walk together or having kissed. It wasn't as if I were in a relationship with anybody.
'We've had our differences,' I said not able to face him. He stopped and soon there after so did I.
'Is it a bad subject?,' he asked apologetically.
'N-no-' I answered much too quickly. 'It... we've just-!'
'It was lovely,' he cut me off softly.
'What...?'
'Spending time with you, Takatsuki.'
My cheeks flourished pink. It didn't occur to me then that I hadn't given him my family name, and yet he knew it. I was on cloud nine. Too happy to pay attention to trivial things like that.
'I had a nice time too,' I stammered. I felt so inexperienced around him. Like a child.
'I'm happy to hear you say that,' he moved closer and ran a hand through my hair. 'Would it be alright if I walked you to school tomorrow morning?'
"H-hai Tsuchiya-sempai,' I said glowing, 'That'd be wonderful.'
My distant mind thought that I might be in love which was absurd because I'd just met him. Infatuation? Deep like? More than a crush definitely... He was new.
'May I walk you to your room?'
The sky was beginning to darken. If I stayed out much longer I'd be breaking Ohtori rules. I resented them then.
'Okay...,' I said nodding.
The rest of the way went by in a tranquil silence. It was perfect. I looked at him here and there, his mind seemed occupied. And there was something about him that was so sad. Together we climbed the stairs to the second floor and to my room door. I opened the door slowly, not wanting our time together to flit away so quickly. But at last it was open and I stood there. I didn't want it to end.
'We part here,' he said bending down to kiss my cheek, 'I'll come for you tomorrow morning.'
'Hai... Tsuchiya-sempai....' We stared at each other for some moments and then I entered my room slowly and began to close the door hesitenly. 'Goodnight.'
'Oyasumi-, Shiori,' he flashed me one last smile before I closed the door. I could hear his steps running off. I slid down the door until I was in a sitting position. What an amazing day! Tsuchiya-sempai was even better than any rumor I'd heard! Standing up I proceeded through the next two hours in a dreamlike state before I hit the sheets. Tomorrow was going to be fantastic... I wished for the hours to pass quickly. I could only think of him for the time being. For the first time in years, I didn't dream of Juri-san. But of him.
***
The next morning I awoke before the alarm rung. I was excited that Tsuchiya-sempai would be walking me to school and I wanted to look nice. I took a long hot shower, humming a song all the while and then I got dressed in my school uniform. It disappointed me that there was nothing else that I could wear. Only the plain school uniform. I wanted to surprise Tsuchiya-sempai. From my desk I dug out a rose shaped glass bottle. I'd bought it for the packaging, but now it had a purpose. I dabbed on some perfume and sat at my desk waiting for Tsuchiya-sempai. I'd gotten ready too early. The class picture sat on my desk. To this day I can't stop my habit of sitting somewhere and staring at it. That's what I did. I picked up the frame, the glass covering the picture was always impeccable... I let my nail trace the curves of Juri-san's face. Always perfect...
'Juri-san...'
I missed her, and our friendship. But it was too late now. We could no longer be what we were. It was both of our faults. Mine for lying to her, hers for falling in love with me. These were both unforgivable sins. I was thinking about any possibilities for a reconciliation between the two of us. It was a difficult situation. I could say something along the lines of, 'I'm sorry for everything Juri-san. Forgive me.' It was too over the top though. Would she believe me? And if she did, would she care? It didn't seem like a good resolution. It was too risky. Another possibility was for Juri-san to stop being in love with me. That train of thought didn't last very long. I didn't want that. She had to stay in love with me. It was our only connection anymore. We were stuck.
The thoughts were distressing, fortunately there was a knock at the door. I felt much too nervous suddenly, even so I got up and opened the door. Tsuchiya-sempai was so impressive. His manner was regal. I gripped the doorknob tighter and smiled at him.
'Ohayo, Tsuchiya-sempai.'
'Ohayo, Shiori,' he gestured the space past the door. 'Are you ready?'
I nodded and began to close the door behind me.
'Don't you need your schoolbag?,' he inquired.
It was so thoughtful of him. 'Oh.' I blushed for several reasons, one being that I was already making a bad impression. All that time getting ready and I'd forgotten the book bag. It was always something or another with me. 'You're right!' Hastily I rushed back inside and retrieved it. I thought he'd be annoyed but he still wore a complacent statement. 'I'm sorry.' I said, 'I-'
'Oy oy,' he took my bag from my trembling hands, 'No need to apologize.'
'Sumimas-'
We both laughed. As we walked down the stairs side by side, we passed Aya, Miho and Sakura who were watching us like hawks. I could see they were stunned. I glanced back and Miho was giving me a Victory sign. I shot her a look to stop it at once but I was secretly delighted. I've always been desperate for approval. I hoped Tsuchiya-sempai hadn't noticed the display but when I turned to him, he was smiling.
'You have amusing friends,' he said.
I smiled weakly in reply. Amusing? What was that supposed to mean...? Miho, Aya and Sakura had been wanting me to go out with a handsome sophomore in the kendo club but I'd declined. Now I was walking around the campus with Tsuchiya-sempai. I'd made the right choice.
'You're so quiet,' he remarked.
'Sumimasen,' I said looking at the ground. 'I'm nervous...'
'Why?'
'Everyone's looking at us,' I said. It was true. Everybody's eyes were on us and it was unsettling.
'So?'
'I'm not used to the attention...' I wasn't a part of the shining group who stood above everyone else. Him and Juri-san. They were the elite. I was just a miserable extra. 'They'll get the wrong idea about us...'
'What sort of wrong idea?,' he had a teasing smile. Had it been anyone else I would have been angry. I felt paranoid instead. And giddy.
'That we're- that we're-....' I couldn't quite say it.
'A couple?'
'H-Hai...,' I said sheepishly.
'Would it be so terrible for them to think that?' He laughed.
'Y-yes!' I meant no.
'Yes? I'm not up to your standards?'
'N-no!' I meant yes. Why was he twisting my words? Or was I doing it to myself. A case of the nerves.
Gently he took the bag back and ran a fingertip along my neck. 'I was only playing with you,' he said with a smile.
I couldn't return it. I was relieved, but I didn't appreciate his sense of humor. For him to make me think- That sort of joke wasn't appreciated by someone like
me. Someone constantly abandoned by people, constantly saying the wrong thing.
He looked remorseful. 'Forgive me. I have a sense of humor that most don't find agreeable. I will understand if you're angry.' If he was putting on that sad face
just for show it was an award winning performance.
'No, please,' I said, 'It was my fault-' I was going to tell him I was sensitive to some things. Most everything... but he broke in.
'Nonsense...,' he said dismissively, 'You're such a sweet girl. I think I'd like for them to have the wrong idea.'
'Tsuchiya-sempai...?' I had an idea of what he was saying, but I didn't want to rush ahead and have my foot in my mouth.
'I know it's sudden,' I wish we could have had this conversation privately. It would have been a lot more romantic then, but there were twenty students or so
gathered around us. 'But I'd like very much to go out with you.'
'With me?'
'Of course, Takatsuki,' his voice was a serenade, even when he thought I was being oblivious to things. 'A nice girl like you... who wouldn't want to be your
boyfriend? Please don't tell me you have one,' his face revealed this would be a terrifying thought.
'My boyfriend...? N- no, I don't have one...,' I was shaking with pure joy. It was all too good to be true. This wasn't the sort of thing that happened to me, but
to Juri-san. As it turns out I was right. But I didn't find out until it was much too late.
'How lucky for me,' his smile was sly for just a second before it turned sweet. 'That would've ruined everything.'
'Ruined...?' The way he'd said it reminded me of the malicious characters on those late night movies.
'Ruined my day and my chances with you, Takatsuki.' His hand dropped down to mine and he brushed his fingertips along my hand, 'You don't strike me as
the type to date two boys at once...' I certainly hoped not! But he said it in a way that made my mind run in circles. 'Though if that was the only way I'd jump at
the chance... What do you say we give the school something to talk about?'
I didn't know what to think. Wasn't this all too sudden? It wasn't that I had any complaints. Far from it. The whole school knowing that Tsuchiya-sempai and I
were an item. It'd be nice to go out with him... he was perfect. Gallant... and so kind. But could I stand the scrutiny? A girl like me with Tsuchiya-sempai. What
if he left me? It'd be humiliating. And everyone would know. And they'd laugh at his little indulgence. I'd seen it before with people like Tsuchiya-sempai. The
entire school would know when we'd gotten together and fallen apart. Juri-san would know. I'd seen how she looked at him. It bothered me. Thinly veiled eyes
that could grow into something else. Those eyes were meant only for me. I would make it work with Tsuchiya-sempai. For all of our sakes.
He gave me a chaste kiss while I thought about Juri-san. It must have looked otherwise because the onlookers cheered. But I saw some of the angry looks I'd
gotten from the girls. They were jealous of me. I never thought I'd see the day when someone would want to be in my shoes. Still here it was. All because of
Tsuchiya-sempai.
---
Tsuchiya-sempai seemed to understand my need for privacy for the first few days. I don't know why, but I was adamant that nobody know... at least, not at
first. I didn't know why this was, but it was so. However, those few students who had seen him and I kiss days before already had the rumor mill burning. I
figured there was no use in hiding it any longer. Him and I became more public about our relationship. Everywhere we went, we went together, arm in arm.
Laughing, smiling, talking about anything that came to mind. Tsuchiya-sempai was someone so wonderful to speak with, I thought that at last I had gotten the
happiness I so deserved... or, that I thought I deserved.
Our relationship was the talk of the campus, any place we went to, the students would whisper or talk loudly, I wasn't embarassed anymore. I was glad to be
known. To be... popular. Because, that is what I was. To be with Tsuchiya-sempai, I could be no other thing. The many people who had no clue to who I was,
now knew my name. Takatsuki Shiori, the girl that Tsuchiya-sempai chose. Tsuchiya-sempai's girlfriend.
'Hey! Did you see those two, did you?'
'Yeah, I did! What a shock!'
'Shiori's amazing like that, though...To score Tsuchiya-san so quickly...'
'Normally she puts on this innocent face... and like, she does her stuff when she wants to.'
So many different things I heard. I kept my smile through it all. Yes, I imagined it was shocking for them to know that me, a nobody had gotten her hands on
the most eligible bachelor of the campus. I think at that time, Tsuchiya-sempai was even more revered than Touga-san. But I wasn't interested in Touga-san,
only in Tsuchiya-sempai.
Yet, I didn't quite understand the comments. The innocent face... I put on an innocent face? I didn't know what they were talking about. Did they think I was a
phoney? That- that I only acted a certain way to get what I wanted and that- I didn't know what to think. Was it true? Was it? I tried not to think about it. I was
happy, and nothing was going to ruin this moment for me.
As Tsuchiya-sempai walked me to my dorm room, he was telling me an amusing story about a girl, who had once stolen something from him, but he'd gotten
back at her through craftiness, and all the while, she was ignorant. I laughed at it, it served her right, didn't it? And as him and I passed Juri-san, who leaned
back against a wall in her usual calm style, I didn't feel bad at all. She'd had everything all of her life, it was time for me to get the chance. Besides, it was safer
this way. And Tsuchiya-sempai really was wonderful. So he would keep me and my mind occupied, and I'd have fun all the while... besides, being popular was
fun. Is this what I had been missing my entire life?
We'd seperated for a small while, right after that, I'd needed to get a book I left in my locker so I told him I wouldn't take long. I walked hurriedly to the book
and walked back twice as quickly. When I got there he had a peculiar smile on his face.
'Did something funny happen while I was gone?,' I asked him as I put the book in my bag.
'Yes, you could say that,' he played with the sleeves of his jacket, 'I'm afraid something has come up. An old rival has requested a meeting,' he laughed.
Rival? I looked at him curiously. 'Oh, you have to go?'
He nodded to me, and kissed me on the forehead, like one would kiss a child. 'I do, but I have to see you again, is it alright, if we meet tonight?'
'Tonight...?' I felt my face begin to burn just a little. Tonight?
'Yes, by the fountains, you know where they are, hmm?'
He was talking to me, but he wasn't really looking at me. I wondered what it was that was on his mind. Or who this mysterious rival was. I nodded at him. But
the fountains... wasn't that around where Juri-san lived...? What if she saw...? I scolded myself. I couldn't understand myself at times. What did it matter if she
saw? It wasn't as if I were her girlfriend... Who cared if she was in love with me. I was with Tsuchiya-sempai.
'Be there at ten o'clock,' he told me and then he walked away, very briskly. I could only stare after him. Ten o'clock... It was only five... I'd have to wait another
five hours to meet him... I raced back to my dorm room to prepare. He was so enigmatic in so many ways. Disappearing here and there, and at times getting
very silent when we were together. Ten o'clock. It was torture waiting the time out.