Strange.
As I look back, I can recall to the second when it began, and remember
just as clearly when it ended. I imagine those moments are seared
into my mind for all time,
for better or for worse. But I can’t remember when it was I first
realized the potential for
something more. There were many hints, but which were friendly and
which were more.........
I was too young to distinguish between.
Infatuations are easy,
following through on them is usually where the hurt comes in.
But then I knew nothing of this. I was a year younger then, more innocent,
more naive to the
workings of life and of the heart. Was it only a year? I feel so much
more removed from it,
as if this were five years ago instead. Perhaps I only feel I
have aged five years from last
year to this.
At any rate, from the very start there was a friendly rapport
between us. But how
much of that was merely a keen eye, recognizing talent and wishing
to develop it? I’m not
sure. All I remember is how flattered, and how pleased, I was
at the offer.....
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Practice was almost over; the captain had finished with his schedule
for the day and
the members were paired off, practicing. Ruka watched the new fencers
with a trained eye,
trying to determine those who would shine with a little polishing and
who those who would
need a lot of polish for a little glimmer. One of the elder members
of the team came over
and stood next to him, “So....the new recruits, huh? What do you think,
Captain?”
Ruka glanced over the group again.... he both loved and hated
the first practice of
the year. All the disorganization, all the chaos, all the elementary
training for those new to the
sport. And yet, at the same time, it was exciting, seeing what new
talent the Academy had to
offer. This year, at first glance, was going to be promising.....
Ruka shrugged, hesitating to judge so soon. “It’s hard to tell
this early in the season.
People can surprise you with a little practice. But if we’re
talking raw talent......” Ruka
pointed out a few. “That girl with the long brown pony tail..... the
boy with the short black
hair.... the girl there, fencing with the blonde..... those two guys
on the side there, they’re
really well matched and challenging each other.... the guy with the
blue hair....”
The guy standing next to Ruka, who was in 12th grade and was
looking forward to
triumphing in his last year, snorted dismissively. “That boy looks
a little young to be on the
high school team.”
“Kaoru Miki..... he’s really too good for the middle school team.
I recruited him
myself.” And that settled that. “And lastly, there’s the red
head......”
He directed his gaze to a elegant looking girl, her every move
supple, her attacks
carefully placed, her balance sure and graceful. Just as the two men
were watching her, she
turned her foil sharply....
..... a shout of dismay from her partner, who suddenly found
herself disarmed, her
foil wrenched out of her hand. Ruka frowned..... maybe he should’ve
pit her against
someone with more experience. “Not bad for a ninth grader,” he murmured.
Weaving through the pairs to the two, he got there just as the
one girl was taking off
her mask.
“Kusao, are you okay?” he asked quickly.
“Yes Captain. Why wouldn’t I be?” she looked confused as she walked
off to retrieve her
foil.
A voice came from behind the mask. “It’s not dangerous
when it’s done properly.
Didn’t I execute it properly, Captain?” The red-head took off
her mask, slight concern
twisting her lovely face.
Juri peered up at the captain, somewhat concerned. Had she done
something wrong,
even dangerous, the first day of practice?
Ruka smiled at her, inclined to be indulgent to those deep green
eyes. God she was
beautiful, like the pictures of angels are beautiful, untouchable.
“No. No you did it almost
text-book perfect, in fact. Why didn’t you tell me you were an
advanced student? I
would’ve paired you with someone more on your level.”
Juri shrugged. It was her first day on this team, and she hadn’t
quite figured out all
the politics yet. “I thought it’d be best the first practice just to
get a feel for things.”
H’ummmm, that was sort of a useless reply, wasn’t it? Why was she tongue-tied
all of a
sudden?
He nodded absently, already planning ahead. “For now keep fencing
with her. But
next time I want to pair you with someone else, all right? By
the way.....Arisugawa, ”-- he
was fairly sure that was her name and he wasn’t going to forget it
now -- “ where did you
pick that move up? It’s rather advanced.”
Juri shrugged again..... that was becoming sort of a common response
to him, wasn’t
it? “I didn’t learn it formally. I haven’t had any formal teaching.
Just in the fencing club in
middle school.”
No formal training? You’re kidding......a lot of raw talent,
then, or those middle
school instructors were a hell of a lot better than Ruka remembered.
He looked around....
Juri’s partner was idly chatting with some boy. “ Kusao. Find
your foil? Good. Get ready
for another match.”
He brought his attention back to Juri’s face.... so earnest and
determined. “Would
you like lessons? I can spare some time on days when there isn’t
practice. And you should
be have some formal training to finish your technique. You owe it to
yourself.”
Juri allowed the smallest smile to slide onto her lips.... he
must’ve thought she was
good, then, lessons and all..... “I would like that very much. If you
don’t mind.”
Ruka smiled dashingly, the smile that slayed women by the dozens....
not that she
seemed the type to be so swayed. “Not at all....”
Her fencing partner appeared, looking bored and perhaps a hint
of jealousy on her
face. Ruka glanced at her, “There you are. I want you to practice some
more.... work on
your guard.”
Ruka watched a moment as the girls fenced before retiring to
the sanctuary of the
sidelines.....
“Hey. You know, I bet he likes you.”
Juri’s eyes widened in surprise, glad that her mask covered her expression.
“What makes
you say that?” she muttered, turning up the heat on her attack a bit.
To her credit, Kusao blocked her well. “Just the way he looked
at you.”
“Really,” said Juri flatly. She in for the touch before the word left
her mouth.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That first lesson, we met where the team practiced, but the weather
was warm that
fall and it seemed a shame to spend so much time inside. Eventually
he picked the bench by
the water, no one ever seemed to be there and a breeze blew from the
lake to cool us.
Of course, I still had practice with the team three days a week
in addition, and as we
approached our first meet, I was confident in my ability to handle
a foil. A shame I wasn’t so
confident in my ability to handle the captain.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ruka was doing his best not to pace. Last match..... It
was dead tied between the
two schools. They needed this match to win.
Miki stood nearby, anxiously watching the match unfold. He’d
done well, winning his
match despite concerns that he was too young. But now.... The tension
was almost tangible,
the silence so complete, no one daring to breathe in case they should
knock the attention of
the fencers.
Juri hesitated, judging the distance for a lunge. Her opponent
immediately pressed his
advantage, using her pause to attack.... Juri blocked, keeping the
foil away from her, but still
he was pushing her back..... Ruka bit his lip as her back foot approached
the tape. She had
to stay in bounds.
Juri felt rivulets of sweat trickle down her face. Blinking the
salt out of her eyes,
ignoring the sting.... this was nothing like practice. So grueling,
and the tension felt like the
weight of the world on her shoulders. Why had he slated her for
the last match, so much
riding on every thrust and feint? And now.... she couldn’t give
anymore ground or she’d be
disqualified for stepping out of bounds, and still the foil came at
her, flicking in front of her
face, an onslaught of moves.
Ruka very deliberately turned to the nearest bench and sat down,
even though all the
team was on their feet, craning their necks to see how the match went.
“Exciting, isn’t it? What a match!” came one excited whispered.
“I know! Their skill level is exactly the same! Incredible....
I hope she wins,” came the
answer, trembling with nervous tension. “I can’t even watch!
Tell me when its over.”
Ruka wished he had the luxury of closing his eyes. But he had
a responsibility to
watch, as captain, to see how each team member performed.
Juri parried frantically, countering a move....she dodged a lunge
aimed for her
shoulder. Rather shocked that he actually missed the touch that
time, her opponent took a
misstep from hitting air, and Juri saw her opening. Her foil
moving with clinical precision, she
took the offense again, gradually gaining ground. It was hard to see
beyond the wire mesh,
but imagined frustrated eyes staring out at her behind her opponent’s
mask. She returned his
glare with a confident smile, her sharp eyes watching for the right
moment. He shifted his
weight, preparing to attack...now. Her foil shot forward, past
his guard......
Tap.
Now that the tension at last had broken, the room erupted in an
explosion of noise,
the spectators on their feet, sounds of defeat and victory from the
team members. Juri
politely saluted her opponent. “Good match,” she said earnestly.
“You too,” he agreed. Parting respectfully, they made their
way to their teammates.
Juri’s teammates stood around in a half circle, some of them hugging
each other and
congratulating her she joined them. Miki beamed at her happily, wrapping
his arms around
her in an exuberant hug. She laughed, reaching for her mask -
she hadn’t even had time to
take that off yet.
“Arisugawa!” A familiar voice behind her. She turned,
seeing the captain walking
towards her... hastily she pulled off her mask, a look of triumph on
her face.
Long sunset locks shaken out, falling in curls to her shoulders,
her cheeks flushed
slightly from the effort, eyes shinning.... Ruka stopped in his
tracks. “Beautiful,” he
whispered into the din, the smile gone from his lips.
Straining to hear, she stepped closer. She saw his lips move,
but whatever he said
was swallowed in the roar of the room. “What did you say?” she
called loudly.Maybe.....
just maybe she was good enough now to get a touch in on him.
The grin found its way back onto his lips. “That was beautiful!”
he shouted back at
her, walking closer. Some of the parents were milling around now and
hugging their darling
wonderful brilliant fencing children...... It seemed the most natural
thing in the world to reach
down and hug her.
She allowed herself to enjoy the friendly touch, for once not
stiffening when someone
reached for her. And then it was over and he was gazing her, such pride
in his eyes.....
strange. He seemed all the world like a captain proud of his star pupil.
It must’ve been her
imagination, then, that his embrace lingered a little long, held a
little tight......
The next second he was gone, into the bustle of the team, congratulating
members
and giving advice and encouragement to those who hadn’t performed so
well. He always
knew just what to say, when to say it, how to say it. His criticisms
somehow never sounded
critical, firm but never condescending. Most of all, he united them,
made them feel like parts
of a whole. He was such a good captain, really.
Ruka was just patting someone on the back for a job well done....
his head was
hurting. It was wonderful that they won, but the loud celebrating
afterward was not maybe
the best thing for him. He should’ve taken his medicine about an hour
ago, but there never
seemed to be a pause for him to slip away. And now the aftermath....
it’d be another hour
before he could leave; it was a match at home and every groupie of
every fencing member
would be hanging around.
“Excuse me.... I’m from the school paper. Can we have a few shots
of you and
some of your teammates for this week?”
Ruka forced himself to smile indulgently to the press.
“Of course. Kaoru.... come
over here a moment?”
Juri was trying to quietly gather her equipment as people milled
around, stepping
over and around her stuff, stepping around her.... “Arisugawa!” Ruka’s
sharp voice split
through the roar. Wondering what he could possibly rebuke her for today,
Juri dropped her
things and walked over.... to see Ruka standing with a few other
members, some of the
team kneeling on the floor, posing for the camera.
“I want you in this shot,” he gestured her over. She stood
at the end of the line, the
smile on her face plastic and strained as it always was for pictures.
The girl looked up from behind her camera. “Now....these are
all the members who
competed today? Okay. Who fenced the first match?” A guy
raised his hand. “Great. You
stand next to the captain. And who had the last?”
“I did.”
The camera girl ordered her into place with a flick of her hand. “So
then you stand on the
other side of the captain, okay?”
Juri nodded, switching places with a rather disappointed looking
girl.
“Is this right?” asked Ruka wearily. This was beginning to be
more of a pain than it was
worth.
“H’ummmm.....” the girl peered into the camera again as if she
were divining the
future in a crystal ball. “Not everyone’s in the shot. Don’t
stand shoulder to shoulder... turn
a little bit and there’ll be more room. You’re going to have to get
cozy.”
“Sure,” replied Ruka, smiling apologetically at the squished
team. Cozy? He could
handle that.
Juri held her breath..... this was a little embarrassing, wasn’t
it, pressed up against
him like this? Her cheeks still felt warm from her match, she hoped
the red wouldn’t show up
in the picture. She sniffed, annoyed. What was taking her so long to
snap the damn thing?
“Okay that’s great. Everyone hold it. Smile!” click.....
Juri’s tiny false grin plastered
on her face, and now she couldn’t see a thing thanks to the flash.
“One more just in case. It’s
still cutting it close. Can you move in any more?”
A space of half a second.... Juri gasped as Ruka wrapped his
arm around her back,
pulling her in tighter, closer... “Perfect! Hold it!” Click.
The paper was circulating the two days later. Miki opened it
at lunch and was
passing it around. “Have you read the article about our match
yet? Did you see the picture?”
“Not yet,” Juri muttered. Before she finished speaking, Miki
had it in front of her face.
“I think that’s one of the best pictures of you I’ve ever seen.
You never smile. But
here you’re actaully beaming.... I can see it in your eyes. Don’t
you think its a good picture,
Juri?”
“Uh-huh.” Juri nonchalantly tossed the paper aside and
concentrated on her lunch.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As the months passed, fall turning into winter and winter into
spring, my skills
improved and we spent less time covering moves and more time just practicing.
These were
times I enjoyed having a foil in my hand more than I did ever before
and more than I have
since. As much as I liked the fencing, sitting on the bench in between
bouts was something I
looked forward to as well. I could relax in the quiet, devoid of the
clicks and taps of fencing
for a moment, just enjoying his company.
As much as it pains me to admit it, I did enjoy it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ruka collapsed down onto one end of the bench, panting slightly
from the exertion.
His doctor would kill him if Ruka said he was still fencing. “Nice
job. You picked up that
move very quickly. I’m impressed,” he said to his student,
trying to conceal how very tired
he was.
“You think so?” Juri sat down on the far opposite end of the
bench, her eyes bright
with excitement. “You’ve been going so fast these days, teaching me
things so quickly I’m
not always sure.”
He smiled easily as he could manage. “You’re doing fine.
Soon you’ll know all my
techniques. And then that’s it. Just practice. I want you in
top form for the regional this
year.”
Juri straightened her posture a bit, a determined set to her
jaw. “I will be. Don’t
worry about that.”
“I’m not at all worried,” he replied, his smile growing .
Heavens. Could he last long
enough, could he convince his parents to let him stay long enough to
pass everything he knew
to her? That way, if something did happen, at least his technique
would still live on in Juri’s
graceful limbs.....
Forcing his eyes from her, he reached into the cooler he brought
with him. Pulling
out a can, he held one out to her. “How about a bit of a rest. Would
you like one?”
Shaking her head, she said, “Let’s go again. Let me practice
that move so I make
sure I have it down just as you taught me.”
Ruka opened the can and gratefully took a long drink from it
as he stared out over
the water. Then he shook his head. “Juri, I’m not showing you
these moves so you can be
an exact copy of me. It’s not going to look exactly like the
move when I do it. You lend it
your own style.... that’s very important. Don’t neglect to put
a bit of yourself into every
move.” The lecture bought him a few sparse seconds....maybe he
could catch his breath....
She followed his gaze, wondering if he saw the sail boat way
out there in the water.
“I understand.” Lifting her foil, she stood from her end of the
bench and looked at him, still
sitting there. “Shall we?” she offered, her eyes glowing
with challenge.
Maybe this time. Maybe this time she would be in for the
touch.
He smiled wryly at her enthusasium. “You don’t tire easily, do you?
That’s good. Shows
endurance.” He rose to his feet, retrieving his foil. “And
you will need all of that you have if
you think you’re going to beat me.... let’s go.”
Juri, goaded on by his confidence, pulled herself into a starting
stance, vowing to
show him this time. “Try me,” she muttered, finishing off the
salute.
“You’re on,” Ruka replied, lashing out at her suddenly, pleased
that she anticipated
his move and was able to block.
Their foils wove a duet with precise, swift movements,
singing as the thin blades cut
the air, sharp staccato notes echoing over the water when steel clashed
against steel. Both
of the fencers had their eyes narrowed with concentration, paying
such close attention to the
dance tune of their foils. One misstep and it was over,
and neither of them had missed so
far. Beautiful, graceful movements, and yet somehow a tension
stringing between them.
Unsaid words hung like discordant harmonies as their foils met and
argued in front of the
endless blue back drop of the water.
His foil sang by her ear as Juri lithely stepped aside.
This was dangerous, wasn’t it,
fencing without masks as they were? Strange though, she didn’t
feel fear. He knew what he
was doing, she felt safe under his watchful eyes.... and yet, somehow,
that edge of danger
made the experience more vivid. Surely she would always remember
this, the sun shining on
the waves so they sparkled like sapphires, the light breeze tickling
her face, blowing her hair
aside as she lunged forward to counter his move, his face cool and
confident, and somehow,
encouraging.... Emboldened by her rising spirits, she stepped forward
towards him, closer, in
deeper, into the swish and cut of his foil only her own skill could
stop.
Ruka didn’t waste his concentration to notice the breeze at his
back or the way the
sun glinted off of her foil as it sailed towards him. His concentration
was focused on his
fencing partner, her moves, her face, and her foil as it shot over
his shoulder. That was close,
too close for comfort perhaps. But then somehow comfort never
was a word he would use
to describe his time with Juri.... she was too sharp, too agile, and
something in the way she
moved captured his breath, and one was never too comfortable when one
couldn’t breathe.
He backed up a step, allowing her to push him back a bit..... yes she
was very good, and
very strong. Maybe he should’ve insisted on masks.... but he liked
watching her face as she
fenced. Such determination and pleasure at the movement of her
weapon..... she was
enjoying herself. Well he was too......
Juri dared closer now, noticing the distracted look in his eyes....
now was the time to
strike. She feinted to the left, he followed rather blindly....
eh where was his head? He
wasn’t watching very closely. Adjusting her weapon, she lunged in for
the touch.....
Ruka’s blue eyes were suddenly clear and cold. So excited over
the opportunity to
try out the new move, she’d forgotten to defend herself..... he’d have
to teach her a lesson.
Juri , scolding herself already, turned her wrist sharply to
ward off the oncoming
blow, but it was too late and she knew it. Her charge had been too
recklessly passionate and
her blade slid uselessly down the length of Ruka’s. Suddenly
he was at her back and she felt
a sharp shove in her shoulder. Knocking her off balance, she
floundered a few steps before
stumbling to the floor. She hadn’t lost her grip on the foil. Good.
There was still a chance of
recovery. Instinctively her left arm shot out to brace the impact....
Ruka, scowling, waved his foil, the air parting with an angry
swish as he waited for
her to get up. “I warned you not to get overconfident. That’s
a tricky move, it leaves you
vulnerable and you have to keep your arm closer in towards your body
to ensure...... Juri?”
Still laying where she had fallen, she had placed her left hand
on the floor to push
up. Pain jolted like electricity up the length of her arm into
her shoulder. Clumsily she
struggled to her knees. Biting her lip against the cries of pain that
threatened, she muttered,
“My....hand...”
Ruka had already set his foil down and rushed to her side. Why
had he pushed her?
Maybe he’d gone too far. She wasn’t that good, yet, that was true.
Perhaps he pushed her
too hard. “Don’t move. Here let me help you.” His hands hovered
awkwardly about her as
she stood slowly, not sure where to hold onto her if he need to.
She laughed half-heartedly. “I can walk, it’s my wrist.” She
glanced down at it,
turning it experimentally, to be rewarded with more pangs of pain stabbing
like glass shards.
“ Don’t move it. It might be broken and you’ll make it worse.
Here come sit down
on the bench. I better take a look at it.” Juri obediently sat on the
bench, cradling her injury
while Ruka fiddled in his gym bag.
He emerged with a clean towel and an ace bandage. Ruka was nothing
if not
prepared. She held the injured limb out, her hand hanging limply
like a dog with a lame paw.
Ruka carefully took her hand in both of his, carefully feeling along
the slight bones in her
wrist. It was already swelling....really ice needed to be on it but
first he wanted to see if it
was broken or not. “Does this make it worse?” he asked.
She winced, preparing for the pain as his fingers gently probed
around her wrist....
but surprisingly the pain settled to a dull ache. “No.”
“Can you try moving it just a bit? Up and down? Side to
side? Twisting it?”
Juri gritted her teeth as pain radiated up her arm... “I can’t twist
it at all, I can’t.”
Ruka nodded, somewhat relieved. “I don’t think its broken; I
think you sprained it
badly when you reached out to stop yourself. I guess I was a little
negligent in my teachings; I
should’ve taught you how to fall. Here I’ll wrap it for you.....
hold your wrist still, your hand
straight.” Carefully he wound the layers of bandage around her
wrist....she had such slender
hands, delicate, her wrist probably would sprain easily....
“Here. Lucky I brought this.” He pulled one of the ice packs
out of the cooler.
Wrapping a towel around it, he held the ice over her wrist.
Juri felt some of the tension drain out of her as he sat back....
it was uncomfortable,
him leaning over her like that, wrapping her wrist, his head bent in
concentration to his
task.... so close her breath moved his hair as he worked. But
then he was sitting up and
straight and so was she and look..... space between them. That was
good. Yes.
Still, his hand lingered on her wrist, holding the ice in place....
really, she could do
that for herself, her other hand was fine, but somehow she was reluctant
to pull away.
“So.....” she playfully gestured with the foil in her hand she had
bravely clutched through the
entire ordeal. “Shall we go again? This hand is fine.” Besides,
she hadn’t got that touch in on
him yet..... would she ever beat his foil? It was so discouraging to
be bettered day after day.
Ruka laughed. “I think you’ve practiced enough for today, don’t
you?”
“I suppose I have.” Juri allowed a smile to trace her lips.
Ruka stared at her a moment... her entire face lit up when she smiled,
her eyes reflecting her
happiness, a shame she didn’t smile more often..... abruptly, he turned
his head to peer out at
the scenery. “Besides I have to leave soon. My older brother is visiting
and I need to spend
time with him.”
Following his cue, Juri gazed out at the lake as well. “I didn’t
know you had a
brother. I have an older sister myself. I don’t see much of her
except on holidays. It’s nice
that your brother visits you.” Her voice was rigid, a little unsure
perhaps.
Ruka nodded automatically, although the sentiment wasn’t exactly
there. “Yes.
Nice.” Juri shot him a look, eyebrows raised. “Okay so it’s not
that nice. We don’t get
along all that well.”
Cautiously, Juri offered, “Then you won’t mind if you’re a little
late to see him?”
Sure maybe he didn’t want to spend time with his brother. That didn’t
mean he wanted to
spend it with her instead.
Ruka’s eyebrows raised a bit.....what was this? When would such
an opportunity
come again? Possibly never, if he left her now. “ I don’t think
I’ll be overly disappointed.
So.... how do you and your sister get along?”
Juri sighed, shifting her weight slightly, leaning back against
the bench. They were
going to be here a while. “My sister and I......we’ve always
been very competitive....”
As they talked, the sun traveled in its course across the sky;
moving on from early
afternoon to evening, and now it hung low, behind them, still lighting
up the water so it
sparkled. The lake was deeper now in color, turning from its
earlier pale pastel to deep
blue, darkening as the sky retreated into night. And then suddenly,
a silence descended, like
the wings of a bird, sweeping them apart.
The ice had long been removed from her wrist, her hand left to
care for itself, no
other fingers caressed it..... she shifted her hand on the towels piled
in her lap, bumping his
arm as she did so, suddenly very conscious of the heat of his body
so close to hers. When
had he moved closer, why hadn’t she noticed until now?
Ruka glanced idly at the sky. “It’s getting late. As much as
I’ve enjoyed this, my
brother will be wondering where I disappeared.” Of course he’d much
rather stay here,
sitting next to a pretty girl.....when had she moved closer?
Why hadn’t he realized it until she
accidentally brushed his arm as she adjusted her injured wrist?
“Of course,” Juri agreed, the words catching in her throat. She
coughed a bit, forcing
the pleasantries out of her mouth. “I enjoyed myself this afternoon.
Thank you. I’m sure my
fencing will improve.”
Ruka gazed at her, his mind running different scripts in his
head. Be a good teacher,
tell her to keep up the good work. The other line won out. “Juri, I
don’t give a damn about
your fencing just now.” Those lovely green eyes widened with shock,
her lips drew apart
slightly as she caught her breath. Oh good. Now she was scared. Very
smart, Ruka.
Berating himself for his hasty words, he dreamt up a way of trivializing
and making it
all seem casual and nice. “ I want that injury to heal before you even
think of lifting a foil. Let
me take one more look at it.” A reason to hold her hand? Pathetic,
wasn’t it, thought Ruka
as he unwrapped the bandage, enjoying the stroke of his fingers against
her skin.
“Oh. Yes.” Juri struggled not to sound disappointed.
Of course he hadn’t meant
that any way other than professional concern. Of course. Now that it
had been established,
she wished he’d just stop touching her and leave.
Now this was perfectly awkward.... Ruka ignored the thoughts
in his head and
focused on her wrist. He smiled lightly. “Good, the swelling’s down.
Be sure to keep icing
it.” He wrapped it up again, stalling, an excuse to touch
her..... and still at the same time he
wanted to be just be done and be out of range of her piercing green
eyes.
“I’ll see you tomorrow. You take care of that wrist.” His
eyes lingered on her hand,
the smoothness of her skin, her delicate fingers curling around his....
and then before he could
stop to think he leaned down and tenderly kissed the back of her hand.
Releasing her wrist, he turned away..... what was he thinking?
He stiffened on the
bench, eyes straight ahead, bracing himself to feel her hand slapping
his cheek..... how stupid
was that.....
Juri felt the light touch, there and gone, in the time it takes
to exhale. She closed her
eyes, seeing into other times and other memories... She was so good,
so very good, at
closing her eyes to the truth. Shiori, whispering to the boy....
she closed her eyes then,
muffled her cries.... and what had her silence yielded her? Silent
nights, silent tears, silent
sobs. Maybe there was a time to speak. She opened her eyes, gazing
at the water.
“Beautiful.”
“Yes,” he replied.
Stiffly, starchly they sat there, two figures side by side, shoulders
barely brushing,
two pairs of eyes admiring the sun dappled waves....
It didn’t take much. The slightest tip of her head, and
their faces were suddenly
closer, her ginger curls cascading over his shoulder....
“Ruka?”
He looked back at her, her gaze searing into his face.
Why had she said that? If
only she’d been quiet, he could have walked away. But now he heard
the question in her
voice, and knew he had only one answer.
Touching his lips to hers, he savored the taste of her, the warmth
of her against
him....and this time, he wouldn’t turn away. He hoped this was the
answer she had wanted.
No words spoken. Quiet beyond words descended as she closed
her eyes,
lingering in the silence of his embrace.
Later, the setting sun reflecting on water, the waves a sea of
flame. Midnight blue sky
shot with orange and purple clouds, the lake as deep and dark as black
velvet. Full moon
rising. “Beautiful,” Ruka whispered, his voice tickling her ear.
“Yes, ” she breathed into the moonlight.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Looking back, I suppose it was foolish and stupid of me.
We sat there until
midnight, sharing so many things, watching the moon. Pure romantic
drivel, although at the
time I was thrilled.
The next time we met at the bench, he was all business, trying
to impart to me some
last touches of his fencing moves. I thought it a bit strange
at the time, but then I had no idea
what was coming.
It was brief -- just that one day, really -- and I should’ve
known better. He had a girl
a week, most times. He’d just recently gotten rid of one before
that memorable incident on
the bench, I suppose that should’ve tipped me off. But I was
too naive to see it then.
We kept it very quiet. Even so, I’m sure there were rumors, although
no one dared
to repeat them to my face. Gossip is the one thing you could
always count on at Ohtori
Academy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Touga came riding up in a blaze of.... exhaust mostly, to tell
the truth. He grinned
proudly. “How do you like it?”
Ruka gazed at the sidecar on the scooter somewhat skeptically.
“I thought you were
getting a car.”
“You have to start somewhere. Get in.” After hesitating
another minute, Ruka finally
gave in, climbing into the seat.
Soon, they were whirring down the highway, not a care in the
world, except of
course Touga’s driving. Ruka winced as they passed a car with
barely enough room..... he
wished Touga wouldn’t show off so much.
But he’d always been that way, arrogant and pleased to show off
any new
acquisition or talent, be it a kendo trophy or a new girl. Ruka
usually was quieter about his
activities. “I hear the kendo club is doing well,” he offered.
Touga nodded. “Yes, we’ve won the regionals again this year.
I think Siaonji’s
working on an appointment as captain next year.”
“Don’t you want it for yourself?” asked Ruka, rather surprised.
Touga shrugged. “A big fish swimming in a small bowl. No, my
ambitions reach beyond
merely captain of the school team. Speaking of captains, what
are you going to do with the
fencing team next year?”
“I have a few candidates in mind,” he murmured, a small smile
spreading over his
lips.
Touga, whose eyes never missed anything, noted the grin and started
piecing things
together. “So you’re going to have to leave school, then? It’s definite?”
Ruka nodded somberly. “I’m too ill, truly, to be here now.
They’re not entirely
optimistic that I’ll live to see my graduation.”
Touga paused a moment out of respect for the distressing news.
But then....onto lighter
things. “I hear the fencing team is doing well too this season.”
Ruka brightened, remembering Juri’s and Miki’s wins at the last
meet. “Yes there
are some phenomenal people on the team this year.”
Touga’s smile took on a suggestive twist. “So I hear. What’s
this about you giving
Arisugawa Juri private lessons down near that bench by the water?”
‘Private lessons’
suddenly had an entirely new connotation as it slid off the red-head’s
supple lips.
A startled expression trickled across Ruka’s face for a second,
unguarded for such a
subtle attack. Maybe he should just keep his mouth shut, but he felt
obligated to defend her
honor or something like that. “She has a lot of potential as
a fencer. I thought it might be a
way to hone her talent.” Almost before the words left his throat he
regretted them.
Touga’s grin grew wider, more lewd. “A lot of untapped potential
there, yes, but I’m
sure you’re most encouraging. Impressed by your sword work, is
she? Under your tutelage,
I’m sure she’s very good.”
Ruka stared ahead stonily. He’d walked right into that.
“Just drive.”
Touga’s smile faded. Damn. Ruka, chivalrous to a
fault, never was one to talk
about his conquests, but he was especially tight-lipped about this
one. Touga could usually at
least get him to say yes or no about a girl. Well. There
were ways.
As instructed, Touga drove in silence a few moments, guiding
the scooter down the
smooth unbroken ribbon of black highway. In a musing tone, he muttered,
“You have
strange tastes, my friend. She’s not exactly sweet, more like
frigid and aloof, and not easy to
get along with either. And her eyes....she looks at you as though
she’d just as soon kill you
as kiss you. But perhaps you like them feisty?” Deftly changing
gears, Touga revved the
engine. “I like them that way myself.”
Ruka’s eyes shifted to his companion’s face. He wouldn’t.
Would he? He would.
“Kiryuu. I’ll kill you.” His voice serious, his gaze flashed
a warning, burning like distant
lightening.
Touga’s teeth flashed with a triumphant smile. That was
definitely a yes. “So what
are you going to tell her about your leaving?”
Dawning on him what he just implied, Ruka was considering killing
Touga simply
because the red-head was such a sly bastard, but his question brought
such entertaining
thoughts to a grinding halt. Leaning his arm on the side of the scooter,
he rested his head on
his hand, watching the pavement slip by. “I don’t know. I don’t
want to hurt her.”
“Leaving always hurts,” muttered Touga sagely, “unless you don’t
care about each
other at all. Why don’t you just tell her you’re ill?”
Sitting back in his seat, Ruka laughed harshly, sarcasm dripping
in his voice. “Sure.
That won’t hurt her in the least. She’ll only be worried every
day that I’m dying..... no I’m
not sure that’s wise. I don’t want to burden her with my problems.
That’s cruel. I want her
to be free from this. I don’t want her still attached to me if I may
not be there for her.”
Touga shifted to a slower gear as they approached the Academy.
“Then break it off
with her.” Not that he usually had any difficulty in this.
It was like discarding old clothing
when they no longer were useful to him.
“I suppose,” agreed Ruka broodingly. “But how?”
Touga shrugged. “Not for me to say. You know her better than
I. I just hope you come out
of it with everything intact. That’s the trouble with the ones
that think for themselves. They
get angry, and then they get even.”
A tender smile found Ruka’s lips. “No you don’t know her. Juri’s
not that petty.”
“Tell me that after you recover from your wounds, ” Touga said
teasingly as he pulled up in
front of Ruka’s dorm.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One day I opened my fencing locker and two roses fell out,
one orange, one blue,
tied with a red ribbon. How very sweet. He’d said he wanted to postpone
our lesson at the
lake until the sunset..... so romantic, I thought, meeting at
our place. I pulled my equipment
out of the locker - we still did fence at these meetings, after all
- and headed for the lake,
little knowing what waited for me.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ruka was sitting, waiting for her on the bench, as usual.
She sat down close to him,
gesturing at him with the roses. “How sweet.”
He looked at her.....God she was so lovely...what was he about
to do to her? He
smiled, not as smoothly as he would’ve liked to. “I wanted you
to remember..... no matter
what happens, how much I care for you. There is something I wanted
to talk to you about. I
have to go away for a while.”
Juri frowned faintly. She should’ve known the gift would come
with a price.
“Alright. Why?”
“Possibly a very long time. ”
She hesitated this time. “Alright. Why?”
He shifted in his seat. “ I don’t want this obligation hanging
between us while I’m
away.”
She looked at him as though he’d lost his mind. “An obligation?
Is that what this is?”
Ruka smiled apologetically. “No....gods, no..... it’s not that.
It’s nothing to do with
you. It’s me. I need to leave the Academy and I don’t want
to bind you to someone who
can’t be there for you. I want you to be free while I’m away.”
He neglected to say he might
never return.
Juri could feel her anger growing. “Why don’t you let me decide
what I want to be
bound to?”
He sighed heavily. “Juri..... please. Don’t make this harder
than it is for me. It’s not
that I don’t care for you.”
And then it dawned on her. He was spending a very long
time stating what this
wasn’t, and in that silence never actually said what this was.
This was the end.
“How......” she couldn’t get the rest of the sentence
out. How can you leave me
like this?
“I wish you would think of me in this.” He sighed. “ You don’t
understand how much this
hurts me too.”
. Her head was spinning....Shiori, she’d done this too, left
because it was convient for
her, dated that boy because her heart yearned for it, not stopping
to think about how Juri
felt, what Juri wanted. She felt.... something......buckle and harden
inside of her, like water
turning to ice. Perhaps it was her blood freezing; she shivered
as she gazed blankly out at
the water.....
Memories flooded her....their first time meeting at this bench,
the picture after the
fencing match, the sun lit day they shared their pasts and dreams,
her sprained wrist, his kiss
burning her hand and later her mouth, the moon rising....... roses.
Her gaze landed on the blue and orange pair, such a pretty red
bow, sealing false
promises, trying to hold together trust shattered and broken.....
..... she squeezed her eyes shut before the roses blurred before her
eyes.
“Juri.”
She slid away from him on the bench, sniffing, disgusted.
Folding her arms, she
muttered, “Nevermind. Just--- nevermind. It’s nothing.”
She looked at him, bitter anger
shinning in her eyes. “Forget it. All of it. It was
nothing.”
Ruka’s jaw dropped, unexpected wetness invading his eyes....
she can’t mean it, to
erase everything...... and it wasn’t true, he saw it in her eyes, what
died there......
Juri got to her feet, lifting her foil. “Come on. Let’s
fence.”
Ruka swallowed. “If you like.”
“It’s all we do here, isn’t it?” The words spat with such bitter
irony, he wanted
nothing more than to take her in his arms, soothe her, tell her it
was all a mistake...
....but it wasn’t and he couldn’t. He had to do this, he
had to leave, and he didn’t
want his ghost haunting her if it came to that. Maybe it was best this
way. His knuckles
tightened on his foil as he stood. If she could believe that what they
shared was merely a
professional relationship gone a bit too far, she could dismiss it
more easily and recover
faster. It may dull her pain.
He wished he could do the same.
She stood in an opening stance. Her last chance for this,
perhaps? After the salute
she stabbed at him, her attack vicious, driven.
It was all Ruka could do to stay ahead of her. “I’ve taught you
so much here,” he
said wistfully.
Juri’s tone was flat and empty, her words merciless. “Indeed
you did.” Kisses.......
blind rage coursing through her, she lunged forward, her foil as ruthless
as her words.
Ruka winced as though she had struck him, although he blocked
her blow. “Your
skills are solid now, your technique refined. I’m going to appoint
you captain of the fencing
team in my absence.” Sweat trickled down his back. She was really
pushing him to the limit.
Juri drew to a halt for a second, her posture suddenly formal.
“I am most honored--”
she tossed off a little bow, mockingly, “--Captain.” It was all she
could stand to call him
without being crass.
Was that all she could ever think of him as again? Apparently.
Her foil came snaking
at him, longing most likely to skewer his heart.... he turned aside
her weapon, trying to gain a
second to speak. He lunged in for a touch....
She met his attack, unmoving, knocking him off target. Countering,
her foil sliced
across the air with a sickening hiss as though it were demanding his
life blood. His eyes
widened in surprise as he turned his weapon back to fend her off....
Tap.
She had won. Finally. She had won.
“Juri....”
She stood there, her foil touching his chest, her eyes burning
cold with loathing, her
face frozen in a mask of contempt. He dared to look at her, to be swallowed
by those green
depths, once loving, now perfect in hatred. “....I promise you,
I will come back.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Don’t bother.”
Without another word, she whipped her foil away, allowing him
to escape. She went to the
bench to gather her things.... would she ever be able to come here
again, or would the place
be too tainted by memories? Lastly, she picked up the orange
and blue rose. Without a
pause, she tossed them into the lake, not sparing them or Ruka a last
look back.
It was sunset, now, and the water seethed and writhed like living
flame. And like
flame, the waters engulfed the flowers, lost too soon in the fiery
depths before Ruka’s eyes.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
He never did tell me why he left the Academy the week after,
leaving me in charge of
the fencing team and hating him. I had to find out later through gossip
chains that he was ill,
and this disgusted me. Did he think I was so shallow that I wouldn’t
have supported him?
Ah well. It’s in the past. As I said that day: It’s nothing.
Nothing I can change,
nothing I can forget, nothing I can forgive. I tell myself I had no
other choice, I did what my
heart wanted at the time. I’m not sure, anymore, if that is true.
But I did what I did, said
what I said, and there’s no going back now.
I’m not sure I would if it were possible.
I’m not sure I wouldn’t.
I wish him well, I suppose. It’s all I can do, without feeling
obligated to more.
I don’t regret the end so much as I regret the way it ended.
That such words, such
thoughtlessness could taint those the memories, the moments of silence
I cherished as
beautiful.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------