Amitie Part 4
Beep.
Beep.
That was the sound of his life signs now, not a reasuring thump, not a comforting lub dub...the rythm of the natural world...no...his humanity was being shown to him by a machine. The pounding of his fleshy heart transfered to cold mechanical sound. Ruka just stared at the rose on the little table next to his bed. There wasn't anything else to look at. He would have liked a window...that would have been nice. In the white sterile room there was nothing to relay the passage of time. He could have been there for years and wouldn't be able to tell.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
He counted the petals on the rose, the orange dueling rose that was still intact. He would have loved to have seen that duel. He imagined it though, and in some ways that was better, he could see it over and over, the strike that knocked that white rose from Tenjou's chest. He could imagine it in many different ways or angles...Juri's fighting form, her sword glistening in the light of the sun. He was almost vampiric wasn't he? Hadn't seen the sun for days....weeks...lived off the blood of others from time to time.
“Ruka?” His eyes flicked away from the rose. Juri! There was a light knock accompanying the voice and smiled to see her. A ray of sunlight in his day then. Something to take his mind from the infernal machines. Someone to take his mind from...from death. Even his parents didn't help. His mother crying despite trying desperatly hard not to, his father holding it all back but his eyes still wet with unshed tears. He didn't want them to visit if all they were going to do was cry and feel sorry for him and themselves.
“I brought you these." She stepped inside the room and made a gesture to an amazing amount of blue roses. Where had she...gotten so many? No...the Rose Bride...that's how. “I thought it might cheer the room a little...these are the lovliest I’ve seen.”
"Hai," he said in a quiet voice, his eyes more on her though then the roses...he almost wished she had brought orange roses...but no, that was a terrible thought. She brought him roses and the sentiment itself was truly, truly touching. Really that she even cared enough to visit him still...Juri looked behind her and Ruka shifted to see what or who she was looking at.
“I brought the Bride to you, as you told me yesterday you wished to speak to her.” Yes...so he had. She hovered there her hands folded in front of her, her head down. She looked uncomfortable. He returned his attention to Juri as she placed the roses by his bed. They seemed to dwarf the small orange blossom but it seemed to be brighter then any of the blues.
“Alone.”
Yes. Alone. He nodded. What he had to say to her...he didn't want Juri to hear it. He couldn't bear for her to hear it. The Bride seemed to grow more uncomfortable, her eyes cast lower. Had she not been expecting to be left alone with him? It wasn't like he could do anything to her.
“Very well, I’ll leave her here then. Himemiya," the girl almost seemed to jump as Juri addressed her. Ruka grinned a bit at that though, when Juri says jump her students learn to ask how high. "I’ll be in the gift shop. Come and find me when you’re done. I would like to visit with you when you are finished with her, if you are feeling up to it. But rest if you need to. “ He wouldn't dare rest...he didn't want to use all of his energy talking to the Bride. He watched Juri leave the room, the light seeming to leave with her, leaving behind the dark Bride. He waved her to come closer. He wouldn't have her hover that far away and he didn't think his voice would carry that far.
He waited though before speaking, waited for Juri to get far enough away so that she might not hear. "You can drop your act if you like, you know I know."
She looked up, her green eyes meeting his blue then looking away.
"I make you uncomfortable...don't I?" he made a small laughing sound, "Your brother told me...neither of you can die is that right?"
"Is that what you would want?" She asked, letting her arms fall to her sides.
"No...no not at all. Does it bother you though, to look upon the face of death?"
"Only that I cannot touch it. It walks through here and gives out kisses but it despises me, it will not speak to me."
"Do you want it to?"
She didn't look at him, instead looked at the roses.
"Those aren't my roses are they?"
"No...yours are covered in aphids, there are holes in the leaves and the petals brown around the edges. They wither and fall off."
"They aren't...Kaoru's are they?"
"No..." she took one from the vase and showed it to him, touching her fingers to it to reveal the true orange which lay beneath the blue, "You're livliehood depends on her doesn't it? You live now for her...isn't that why you did what you did?" She replaced the rose and it returned to blue, "What is it that you want now? We already gave you a chance."
"I want time."
She studied him, "Time?"
"Juri...she's duelist champion...I don't think anyone could defeat her now that she's established. I want to live that long. I want to live long enough to see her attain her miracle."
"You've already given yourself to us once and you failed...you would dare to make another deal?"
"I didn't fail," Ruka said slowly, "She wouldn't have gotten this far if she still had that weight around her neck. Please..."
"You can see it by your own will. If you..."
"No...no I can't. Everyday it grows worse...but you, you did something last time. I was able to move and to walk and even fight. I am not even asking that much. I wouldn't dare ask for that much."
Anthy shook her head, "Onii-sama offered you that gift, that chance...it is not something you can or should ask for."
"Why? If it is something you can do then why can I not ask for it? I am still allowed a dying wish...aren't I? You brought Juri and myself into this damnable game...I think you could do that much."
Anthy studied him with cold eyes, "A damnable game that will give you what you want if you win. Miracles...life."
"I do not ask for those things...I only ask for time. I only ask...to be able to be even alive when she fights that duel."
"What if she doesn't reach it? What if she fails? What if one of the others rises up and conquers her?"
"They won't. I have faith in her...I believe that she will make it."
Anthy was silent for a long moment, mulling over his request. She was uncertain she had the right to do such a thing but at the same time there would be no harm to it. The longer he lived the more they had to use with Juri. "Very well. You are still caught in our web, I can do that for you. But...you will owe us."
"I have given my life for this game, my sacrificial blood on your alter...what more do you want? It is you that owes me, it is both of you that owe all the duelists."
"...fine then. But after the duels you are on your own."
"Fine. So...I am guarenteed then?"
"Yes."
"That's it? No little spell or, or when this rose withers and fades your time is up?"
Anthy gave him a look, "I guarentee that this rose will wither and die long before the final duel. But if you like..."
"No! No...really the two of you just have no sense of humor do you?"
"Of course we do."
"You will say nothing of this to Juri? She is your champion, if she asks you to tell her...would you?"
"I would have to."
"Could you lie? I...don't want her to know, I don't want her to know that I am so uncertain that I have to be assured of having time."
"You are not my champion. That I give you this much..."
"She told you to speak with me, I think doing as I ask is a connection to her will...she would order you to do what I ask."
Anthy frowned and looked at gave him a cold look, "You think so?"
"I know so."
"I will do what I can. Is that all you want?"
"Hai...thank you, Bride of roses."
She bowed, "I will get Juri-sama then."
"Hai, please."
Anthy nodded and left the hospital room. She didn't like hospitals, they only served to remind her of her immortality, they served to remind her that she was not transient. Beauty was in the transient, she was a stagnent being. All around was the scent of death, the people were like walking corpses. But all people were walking corpses weren't they? At least in Ohtori there was little in the way to show the passage of time...at least there even though it was centuries it could seem like only days.
She found the gift shop, it was filled with balloons and sickly flowers that looked nothing like the ones she grew, gift cards and candy. She paused and picked up a little stuffed bear with a bandaged arm, then set it down again after she saw Juri's tall frame. She was looking at crystal vases. She made her way silently to the woman, waiting for her to acknowledge her presence before speaking. "He's ready to see you Juri-sama," she said in a quiet voice. She picked up a small vase hidden behind two others, "This one is pretty."
***
"He's ready to see you Juri-sama.” Juri tried not to jump physically… Anthy appeared in that wraithlike, noiseless way of hers. It was disconcerting, how quietly the girl moved. At least he wanted to see her, Juri brightened a little and studied the glasswear…she hadn’t found one she liked yet but she didn’t want to linger here too long in case Ruka grew tried while waiting.
"This one is pretty.” Juri glanced at the item Anthy held up for her inspection. A smaller vase, just the right size for one rose, a fluted pattern on the crystal.
“I think that will do nicely.” She took it from her and paid for it. Heading back up to the room, Juri reigned in her curiousity and didn’t ask what Ruka had spoken with her about. It wouldn’t do to invade his privacy like that, the Bride would have to tell her victor everything if she demanded it.
Juri walked into the room, trying to smile gently instead of worriedly. As she moved closer…odd. He didn’t look so pale as he lay there. If there had been a window, she would have guessed it was merely the difference between sunlight and the harsh floresecent hospital lighting, but there was no window in the cell-like room.
Settling into the seat next to his bed, she gingerly picked up the paper cup with the orange rose…the cup was getting soggy. Handing both the cup with its precious cargo and the small vase to the Bride, she instructed her to fill it in the bathroom. It would get her shadowy presense out of the room for a moment anyway. “You look better,” Juri said brightly. “Are they giving you a new treatment? The Council Meeting this morning was interesting. I don’t know what to expect in this…there can’t be that many more duels until Revolution. I could ask, I wonder if she’d give me a straight answer, however. I think perhaps Touga may be next.” Anthy walked back out just then. Juri smiled flatly and took the vase from her. “Wait outside, would you, Himemiya. And shut the door behind you.”
As the Bride was out of earshot, Juri sighed and relaxed more into the chair. “It’s going to take some time for me to get used to her. I really detest the feeling that somewhere behind that mask of hers she seems to think we’re all ants or something for her and her brother to step on. Perhaps that’s an unfair acessment but she doesn’t seem to look very favorably on me. Still mourning about her precious Utena, I suppose.” She leaned her elbow on the arm of the chair and rested her chin on her hand. “I hope she was able to help you with whatever it was you needed.” Juri’s inquiring gaze landed on his face a second, when she saw his granite countenance she knew he wasn’t about tell her what had transpired. “I wonder why we do this. What’s the point of having the Bride….just the sword. Is she so much just a sheath as Touga has tried to convince us, do you think? Is it so worth it, these duels….she’s such an unlikable little thing.”
***
The wait was not long. He seemed to feel a little better and he truly wondered what it was that the Bride did to him, to make his pain go away, it was strange. He didn’t feel as if he were well…but…he could breathe a little easier. The smile Juri gave him was almost strained though and it disturbed him. Would she too become like the others? Strained unhappy smiles, hidden tears? No…Tears from Juri…no…not for him. He would not want that…ever.
His blue eyes followed her as she settled into the chair, the Rose Bride still close by. He was surprised she had brought her back into the room, he rather expected that she would leave the darker girl in the hallway. The ivory skinned beauty calmly picked up the orange rose in the paper cup and handed it and a small crystalline vase to the bride who left with them to the bathroom.
“You look better, are they giving you a new treatment?” Heh…she could say that… “The Council Meeting this morning was interesting. I don’t know what to expect in this…there can’t be that many more duels until Revolution. I could ask, I wonder if she’d give me a straight answer, however.” That was hard to tell…even for as much as he had been let in on he had received very few straight answers. He assumed that the only reason he had been told as much as he had was because he was on his deathbed and it would not matter to them. “I think perhaps Touga may be next,” she said. He wouldn’t be all that surprised if he were…his…old friend…Anthy returned with only the rose and the vase, which Juri took from her small hands, “Wait outside, would you, Himemiya. And shut the door behind you.”
Ah…there it was. They both waited for the odd girl to leave the room before resuming any conversation, he did notice that Juri sighed and relaxed visibly…was she that disturbed by her? Certainly the Bride was not easy to be around but…that she disturbed Juri? Perhaps it was the way she saw secrets…
“It’s going to take some time for me to get used to her,” Juri admitted, “I really detest the feeling that somewhere behind that mask of hers she seems to think we’re all ants or something for her and her brother to step on. Perhaps that’s an unfair assessment but she doesn’t seem to look very favorably on me.” In honesty, Ruka could perhaps understand why Himemiya didn’t look with favor on Juri…they were both cold women, hard to understand, both hiding behind a hard mask. Juri was cold…he knew this, and from what he could tell the only duelist the Bride did favor was Tenjou.
“Still mourning about her precious Utena, I suppose,” Juri mused as she repositioned herself, “I hope she was able to help you with whatever it was you needed.” Yes, she was. He could tell she was trying to get him to talk about it but he wouldn’t. He hoped that she would not ask Anthy anything about it either.
At last she gave up and spoke again, “I wonder why we do this. What’s the point of having the Bride….just the sword. Is she so much just a sheath as Touga has tried to convince us, do you think? Is it so worth it, these duels….she’s such an unlikable little thing.”
Ruka chuckled lightly, trying not to stir a cough, “She’s probably only unlikable to you because you do not open yourself to others,” he said. He wasn’t quite so afraid of her words as most people, perhaps being in the hospital gave him a sense of invulnerability, “From what I have understood, she mirrors what her victor gives her to work with. But I can understand your discomfort, I do not think that it her purpose though, comfort is such a false thing sometimes. Perhaps she has a right to look upon us like we are nothing but gnats to her. It is up to you whether you want to try to learn her secrets, if you want to place that much effort into getting along with her…whether or not it is worth it…I would not know. But I do think she is more then a sheath,” he knew that she was more, “the trick is figuring out where her façade ends and her real face begins, but what Touga told us…I don’t think it is the full truth. She’s not a thing…but she’s….not really human either.”
***
He laughed a little…Juri frowned slightly. What was so very amusing? He would probably go insane trying to live with the Bride as much as she was. “She’s probably only unlikable to you because you do not open yourself to others.” If he meant to imply she didn’t tell everyone her deepest secrets as that Tenjou fool seemed to spout them, why should she regret that? Not everyone needed to know her business, after all, “From what I have understood, she mirrors what her victor gives her to work with.” What. They all knew what game she and her brother were up to now. How could anyone be open with the Bride, knowing what she was, now. “ But I can understand your discomfort, I do not think that it her purpose though, comfort is such a false thing sometimes.” But what else could one do? Juri hoped he wasn’t talking about the comfort she tried to offer him. Certainly it was sincere on her part. “Perhaps she has a right to look upon us like we are nothing but gnats to her.” Juri sniffed derisively….hah. What right had she at all to act so superior? It was infuriating at times. “ It is up to you whether you want to try to learn her secrets, if you want to place that much effort into getting along with her…whether or not it is worth it…I would not know.” She was such an enigma, it might be interesting to see what would make her crack that perfect mysterious smile of hers. Juri wondered how much patience she would have for trying to find a chink in her armor. “But I do think she is more then a sheath.” Juri’s eyes widened a little in surprise. He sounded so sure of that, she wondered how he knew. “The trick is figuring out where her façade ends and her real face begins.” But wasn’t that the trick with them all? “but what Touga told us…I don’t think it is the full truth. She’s not a thing…but she’s….not really human either.”
Juri smiled wrly. “Somehow it doesn’t surprise me that Touga should wish to leave us in the dark as to the Bride’s true nature. Your friend is not very forthcoming with information when he thinks it would serve him better to keep it to himself. I do wonder what mysteries Himemiya is privy too, although it may take far more energy than I am willing to expend to extract answers from her. Her answers can be clever mixes of not lying but then again not telling the entire truth.”
Juri’s smile grew more humored. “Maybe she and Touga are a better match than I first thought,” she said with a laugh. “Neither of them give direct answers.” Then again neither did she, but then the things she kept from others were of a more personal nature. Touga and the Bride seemed to hide tactical information and schemes as well.
“But I do know that if I’m going to have to live with her for a time, I am going to have to put some effort into getting along with her better. The tension is nearly unbearable, at times.” Perhaps the weight of so many secrets neither of them wished to reveal. “If she is more than a sheath, it may be of some benefit to stop treating her as one. I’m not sure what she thinks of the servant routine, it doesn’t seem to me it would sit well with her as she thinks herself so far above us…but of course she never complains. I don’t ask much, however.” Juri shook her head. “And she isn’t human….she acts like a mirror to the victor, but somehow different. A dark mirror…I really don’t know how to treat her. I’ll have to see how things evolve, I suppose. “ Ruka still looked attentive to her words, but he wasn’t sitting up as much, leaning into the pillows.
“I should be going, I have classes after all.” And he needed to rest. Rising to leave, she put her hand on his for a second. “ I’ll think on what you said, she’s a mystery, however. I’ll let you know what happens in the duels….I don’t think it will be long before I’m challenged. I’ll stop by in a few days.” She squeezed his hand lightly before turning and walking towards the door.
Meeting the Bride in the hallway, they started on the trip back to campus. It looked as though it was going to be a nice day, the sun shone brightly outside the dungeon of the hospital, a few white clouds dotting the sky. She looked at her watch…classes. Yes, she should go but neither of them had eaten that morning and she needed to get her bag anyway….Juri turned in the direction of the dorms.
“Juri-san?”
Quiet, hestitant voice behind her. Juri halted and didn’t bother to look over her shoulder. She knew the voice even had she had been blind and couldn’t see its owner. “What is it, Shiori?” She half turned to look at the girl, her voice touched with the ice of distance…they hadn’t been so close for so long. She hadn’t trusted herself. Now the necklace had been destroyed and still she avoided her, she wasn’t ready to face those plum eyes again.
Shiori trotted closer and stopped a few respectful paces from the taller girl..at one time she might have called her friend but now…she hadn’t listened about Ruka-sempai, even with the warning and all. She just laughed it off…why hadn’t she listened?. “How are you?” she offered tentatively. She…wasn’t going to apologize. She hadn’t done anything wrong! She just didn’t want to face Juri-san, she couldn’t face her after Ruka-sempai humiliated her…she hated to admit she was right about him. Naturally it figured. Juri-san was right about everything.
“I’m fine.” Still cool….Shiori’d made it abundantly clear she didn’t care for Juri’s company or her advice. Why should she waste her breath with more of an explanation.
“oh.” Shiori willed herself not to look down at her hands folded in front of her…no she was going to face her. For once. “I was just wondering if I could maybe…join the fencing team.” She smiled, a little plastered on affair but it was all she could handle at the moment, at least she could smile at all, that was an accomplishment of sorts. “You always seem to enjoy it so much.”
“Of course you can,” Juri replied immediately, no more warmth creeping into her tone. Why should she bother, every time she offered the girl had snubbed her, when she tried to warn her about Ruka and then afterwards when she tried to comfort her…it just wasn’t worth the effort. She saw that now, now that the chain was gone. “I’m always pleased to have new students.”
“oh. “ That was…it? Just a new student,huh? Shiori swallowed, hell though she ought to be grateful Juri was willing to treat her nuetrally anyway after all the crappy things she had done but…no that wasn’t right! She had a right to date who she wanted, even if she got trampled on later…she didn’t need to have Juri-san consoling her and telling her I told you so…..well…not that Juri-san would do something like that. That sounded more like something Shiori herself might say….this train of thought really was going no where. Maybe it was best just to leave it. Leave it for now. Leave. “Arigatou, then. I’ll….see you at practice then…..ne?”
“Hai.” Juri didn’t bother telling her where and when, Shiori always seemed to be there, hovering like a bird out of reach. So she had always been, it just took Juri this long to come to terms with that. “I’ll see you then.” She turned away and headed towards the dorms, Anthy falling into step behind her.
Shiori stood in the shade of the tree a moment, staring. That was odd. Juri-san never was around that Himemiya girl before. Why would Juri-san want to be with someone who kept to themselves so much, she seemed so quiet…well then that wasn’t so different from Juri-san herself in some ways. But why was she following like that, they weren’t…Shiori’s cheeks reddened at the thought. No that couldn’t be it. Must have been council business, they were both on the council weren’t they? That had to be it.
Juri tried to ignore the gaze she knew was following after her, lingering, and marched resolutely towards her dorm. She was not going to look back. Shiori was behind her, after all, she’d made that clear. Opening the door to her dorm, she went into her room to get her schoolbag. Anthy disappered into her room, probably to take care of that friend of hers. Walking into the kitchen, Juri picked up an apple from the fruit bowl….not much but it would tide her over until lunch.
Peering in Anthy’s door, she saw the girl was packing notebooks into a bag haphazardly, did the girl actaully need to study? “Ready to go?” she asked causally, glancing about the room, it looked as though no one lived here, blank like the Bride herself.
Juri’s gaze landed on the chair….wasn’t that? It was. The blanket she had offered the night before, folded neatly and untouched, unused. She tried not to frown openly, why should she care? If the Bride didn’t want to take her hospitiality that was her business. Juri crossed her arms and slowly shifted her gaze to the Bride’s face.
“You really don’t care, do you?” There was a hint of surprise in her tone, as if she were just coming to some profound realizatuion. “About me. About anyone. Not at all, truly.” Juri shook her head, a dark smile on her lips. “How lucky you must be, to not care at all.” Strangely there was not the slightest glimmer of sarcaism in her tone. If only she hadn’t cared for Shiori, she wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place. And if she didn’t care for Ruka it wouldn’t feel as though a part of her were dying with him as he slipped lower and lower, away from help, away from her.
“It must save you a lot of pain,” she said thoughtfully after a silence. Juri turned to leave. “A blessing, indeed.” Her tone was sincere, grotesquely whistful. To be free of all attachments to people, all the corresponding pain, for eternity. What a splendid release.
***
She waited as she had been told, sitting in one of the hard chairs that were pressed against the wall. Occasionally people would walk by, look at her, and move on. She would have brought Chu-Chu with her if they allowed such things, but alas no. She closed her eyes and was perhaps close to dozing off when the door opened. Her head snapped up and she abandoned the chair, following Juri out of the hospital and into the light of nature.
They didn’t speak, and she kept her usually two or three paces behind Juri, as a servant would to a queen. It looked as if they were going to the dorms then. Oh…classes…egh, another day of mind numbing boredom. She didn’t know why she had to keep such a façade of being a student, it was dull…but anything for the revolution, right? Yes…anything.
“Juri-san?”
Juri stopped and Anthy followed suite, her right foot landing next to her left with almost a military click. Takatsuki. She glanced at her victor who seemed to be attempting to ignore her to a point, recognizing only the existence of the voice.
“What is it, Shiori?”
“How are you?” The smaller girl asked. Anthy looked from her to Juri. If they didn’t want to look at each other then why did they both speaking? It was all a mess to her, a bothersome mess…at least they had been able to take advantage of it.
“I’m fine,” an icy response. Anthy felt very voyeuristic at the moment, standing next to the two of them, observing their conversation, though she took note of subtle expressions, pained eyes. Shiori asked about joining the fencing team, Juri told her that would be fine. If one didn’t know the background then they wouldn’t understand how terribly amazing this conversation was. Juri was seeking to push her completely from her heart it seemed. She had taken the initiative from her lost locket and run with it. That was good, an improvement certainly from her moping about with the chain, she was like one of those people that flogged themselves because they thought they deserved pain…or…more perhaps…an Ancient Mariner. Yes, that was a better metaphor wasn’t it?
“Arigatou, then. I’ll...see you at practice then...ne?” Takatsuki said. The words shook Anthy from her thoughts, so they were parting ways then, good.
“Hai. I’ll see you then,” she said walking away. Anthy followed behind her at the same distance she had been before, glad to be moving again. Certainly she had picked up things from the conversation but it was very basic and it was disconcerting to stand there and just watch out in the open. Perhaps because she was more used to spying.
At last they reached the dorm and Anthy went to the room assigned her, smiling at Chu-Chu and setting out some cheese and crackers for him. “Gomen, I will get you something better later.” He chuued at her to indicate he didn’t mind and began feasting. Anthy took her leather bag and filled it with some books, she wasn’t certainly which ones…It didn’t matter. She took three notebooks as well and placed them into it, she didn’t know why she bothered, she had long since stopped taking notes.
“Ready to go?” a voice from the door asked. Anthy straightened herself, wondering what it was Juri was looking at. Oh…the two pairs of green eyes seemed to be focused on the blanket.
“You really don’t care, do you?” Anthy looked up at Juri, it sounded as if she had made some awe filled discovery. “About me. About anyone. Not at all, truly.” Anthy began to look away, expecting to be chastised for her apathy when Juri spoke again. “How lucky you must be, to not care at all.” The statement surprised her but at the same time…she could see why Juri might want that.
“It must save you a lot of pain, a blessing, indeed.”
“Why attach oneself to the transient when it will only fade away or change,” Anthy said simply, “you are right, I do not care about you or the others. As soon as you lose a duel I will have to go to someone else, why should I get comfortable?” Why should she care just on the principle that they were all mortal? The only thing stable in her life was Akio. But why care about your tools? You can always get more. But she had cared about Utena…and that had been a mistake that she would not repeat.
She knelt down and closed her book bag, “And it is a blessing, as well as a curse. Would you really want to be like Socrates, who had so isolated himself that even the most beautiful of men could not arouse him? I would assume that that is what you are hinting at when you say that it must be nice…would you really not want to care for Tsuchiya-san? What would that do to him? So caring causes pain…The pain lets you know you are alive, the pain causes action. If you are happy, or content then there is no reason to seek anything. The world is suffering, and through suffering we learn not to attach to anything…but I suppose it depends on what you want. If you seek nothingness…then stop caring. But if you love what the world offers you then attach, and use the suffering to guide you to a higher cause.”
***
Her words, washing over Juri like cool water, emotionless and clear. “Why attach oneself to the transient when it will only fade away or change.” Why indeed. And everything fades away, eventaully. “You are right, I do not care about you or the others. As soon as you lose a duel I will have to go to someone else, why should I get comfortable?” At least to make things bearable in the meantime. Isn’t that what human relationships were for? To ease the pain between cradle and grave. But sometimes it seems silence would indeed be preferable.
“And it is a blessing, as well as a curse. Would you really want to be like Socrates, who had so isolated himself that even the most beautiful of men could not arouse him?” Isolation was peaceful, she had learned that, the nights sitting by the water. But it was also lonely, no laughter to pierce the long empty twilight.
“ I would assume that that is what you are hinting at when you say that it must be nice…would you really not want to care for Tsuchiya-san? What would that do to him?” Juri looked at her sharply, she always saw through her. It wouldn’t be fair to him, he needed but it would hurt her so much less if she didn’t care. Why had she ever allowed herself to start.
“So caring causes pain…” And she never felt any. Was she even…human? Ruka had said no she wasn’t, not truly. “The pain lets you know you are alive, the pain causes action. If you are happy, or content then there is no reason to seek anything. “ What would be wrong with that? She was tired…so very tired of seeking things she in the end could not have.
“The world is suffering, and through suffering we learn not to attach to anything…but I suppose it depends on what you want. If you seek nothingness…then stop caring.” That could be restful, in an odd way. “But if you love what the world offers you then attach, and use the suffering to guide you to a higher cause.”
Juri bristled…she had a neat compact answer for everything, didn’t she? It was frustrating! Something in her tone made Juri feel like a child being lectured to about some fairly simple concept and it grated on her. She despised the superior tone the Bride had when she spoke of such things. As though she were above and beyond such petty suffering, such petty struggles.
“Pain causes action, presumably to move towards a state of contentment. But it doesn’t, it only leads to more pain. I can’t see what higher cause pain without hope inspires.” What good was pain if it didn’t yield something in the end? What good was all the struggle? It seemed so small, in comparasion, her longing for Shiori compared with the struggle Ruka fought each day for breathe…if she were that ill she was sure she’d be grateful just to have her health. As many times as she thought of that argument it never seemed to have much meaning. “Perhaps we’re never satisfied with what we have.”
The Bride seemed indifferent to her musings… Juri may as well have turned around and spoke to the wall. The wall probably would have cared more. Supposedly the Bride had no feelings and no such vunerablities herself, so perhaps she thought this gave her the liscense to have such an attitude. Ruka had thought that wasn’t the case, that she was something more than a sheath…but was it worth it to see the being beyond that? She wouldn’t be any more loyal, and surely she wouldn’t care, she made that abundantly clear already. Certainly she was not being forthcoming. What had Ruka said? Because she hadn’t been very open herself? But then the Bride would only be mirroring her, that wouldn’t be any more genuine. She seemed an impossible puzzle to crack and Juri didn’t have the patience to try. She was so infuriating. Perhaps they should just avoid each other.
“I have to go to classes now.” She didn’t much care what the Bride did, she probably didn’t need to attend classes. “Are you coming?”
“Hai, Juri-sama.” Juri closed her eyes a moment and mustered her dwindling reserves of patience. That same complacent tone everytime, meaningless and empty…it was useless, wasn’t it? As the Bride closed the door, Juri saw the pale blue blanket one more time folded on the chair. Just leave it there, it didn’t matter.
They walked out the doors in the general direction of the high school buildings. It was probably wise to stick to business. “Before it almost seemed as though we were moving closer to Revolution…it was…something…almost a tangible sense. Now it seems as though that is fading. Why did that happen?” The Bride must know something. Miki had felt it too, the anticipation…it wasn’t something she was making up in her head.
***
She didn't think that that was what Juri had wanted to hear. What had she expected her to say? 'Oh yes Juri-sama I feel utterly miserable not caring about you all because you're all just such big rays of sunshine in my life' It didn't work that way. If she and Akio didn't need them, then she would have nothing to do with them, she would just stay with her brother. She didn't want to have to deal with their petty little problems...their problems were the same problems the world had, they were not alone in their suffering...
“Pain causes action, presumably to move towards a state of contentment. But it doesn’t, it only leads to more pain," And? Anthy regarded Juri blankly. "I can’t see what higher cause pain without hope inspires.” So she didn't have hope? Was that it? “Perhaps we’re never satisfied with what we have.” No...few people were. Anthy had noticed that. The more they had the more they wanted, it was silly, especially for creatures in such a state of flux...in a state of transience. Sometimes she envied them and their short lives. To die gave all the more purpose to their living, but none of them appreciated it.
“I have to go to classes now. Are you coming?”
“Hai, Juri-sama," she said picking up her bag. That hadn't seemed to please her had it? The tall woman stood with her eyes close for a short moment as if trying to cling to shreds of patience. Anthy help her complacent look. It wasn't her fault, she was just doing as she was supposed to, doing what was expected of her. They left the dorm and headed towards the school itself.
“Before it almost seemed as though we were moving closer to Revolution…it was…something…almost a tangible sense. Now it seems as though that is fading. Why did that happen?”
Anthy glanced up at Juri as they walked. "You defeated Tenjou-san," Anthy said plainly, "that is why it happened. You reset the duels. Tenjou-san was a duel away from revolution," Anthy said this a little more darkly then she should have perhaps, but she didn't care at the moment...she had put so much faith into Utena and she had failed her. She hadn't reached the end...she hadn't brought a revolution and now Anthy would have to go through all the duels again until one of the council idiots suceeded. Unless...Utena tried to win her back. Anthy could only hope that she would challenge Juri to a duel, that she would fight for her once more as she had with Touga. "The duels will start over for you, you have fought friendship and love...there are five more for you to to fight. It would be the same with any of the others. As you are now, you could not open the door."
***
Utena pulled her eyes open with that uncomfortable impression that she was in a strange bed and she realy couldn’t remember how or why….stretching, she sat up and glanced around. Once she saw where she was, Wakaba’s, the why and how came flooding back…the duel.
Anthy was probably waking up with Juri-san…were they eating breakfast together and stuff like she used to with her? Utena sort of hoped not. Even if Anthy just went with anyone she sort of hoped some things were just special between them. Of course, Anthy didn’t share a bed with her like that. She wouldn’t share all those little midnight conversations like they’d had. It was sort of lonely here, even with Wakaba on the floor - man she felt bad about that. Utena peered over…there was her poor friend, curled up and snoring happily. She could sleep anywhere, but it wasn’t like she had to sleep on the floor and all, even if she only had a single they could have shared. After everything that happened yesterday Utena really didn’t want to kick her friend out of a bed to…
So now what?
There was Anthy. But she wasn’t really the friend she seemed to be, was she? Just the Bride. But that couldn’t be true! Not after Utena had protected her. She couldn’t just forget that. Juri-san wouldn’t do that for her.
Utena smiled sadly…yeah Juri-san probably wouldn’t be so foolish as to do something like that, would she? No. But it couldn’t be true, she just couldn’t accept it. She and Anthy were friends. They had to be. It just didn’t make sense otherwise. So maybe she was stuck in this game, and had to do what the Victor wanted and go with the Victor - that didn’t whipe everything away that they’d shared. It was still there. She just would have to remind Anthy of it. And herself, too.
There was Akio too.
Utena blushed faintly and drew her knees up to her chest, watching the morning sun glint off of her ring. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that, really. At least she knew Touga wasn’t her prince now. But that didn’t necessarily mean Akio was either. And she should be faithful to him, after all. But that was slipping, the memories seemed to be running from her…she just couldn’t seem to remember things clearly these days, although it almost seemed as if there was something important she should. Something about her Prince.
And on top of all this there were classes today.
“Ne Wakaba.” She nudged her a little. No response. “Wakaba?” A snore. Utena stood up out of bed and shook her a little. “WA-KA-BA! We’re going to be late to classes!”
***
She felt something nudge her...nooo sleep. She wanted to sleep. But why did it feel like she was sleeping lower to the ground then usual?
"Wakaba?"
The name invaded her dreams but she refused to listen to it. She was Wakaba warrior princess! She had a side kick and she was kicking some warlord --
"WA-KA-BA! We're going to be late to classes!"
She sat up and flailed a bit in the blankets that she had wrapped herself in...why was she on the floor? Oh...oh Utena! She settled down and yawned, running her hands through her dark hair. "Ne what time is it?" She said between yawns, glancing at the clock. Oh..."EEh we're going to be late!" She untangled herself and got her clothes togehter to take to the communal bathroom. Utena seemed to be laughing at her and Wakaba self conciously pulled down the corner of her night gown that had managed to tuck itself into her underwear. "Not funny," she pouted a little.
The two girls went about getting showered and dressed and sat in Wakaba's room for a quick bit of breakfast that she had scrounged up from her mini fridge. "Ne Utena," the brunette began taking a bit of a granola bar, "Erm...you never said exactly what happend between you and Himemiya-san. I was just...I bring it up because I'm wondering if maybe, if you aren't going to go back to the East dorm, or the Chairman's wing...we could maybe...I don't know, fill out the paperwork so we can be roommates again. I, I mean if you want. I must say having a single isn't as fun as it should be, and I've missed sharing a room with you."
***
"You defeated Tenjou-san. That is why it happened. You reset the duels. Tenjou-san was a duel away from revolution," Juri’s eyes widened slightly. So she was that close, a breath away from the final duel and Juri’s blade denied her that place. Did the Bride resent her, stealing from her rightful Victor just before Revolution? "The duels will start over for you, you have fought friendship and love..” Juri frowned slightly in confusion. Friendship? Love? The duels had labels like that? “There are five more for you to to fight. It would be the same with any of the others. As you are now, you could not open the door."
Juri looked at the dark girl sharply. “Open the door? What do you mean by that? And you spoke of friendship and love.” Shifting her gaze, Juri looked somberly at her rose signet. Friendship….at one time that was a duel that would have made sense, fighting to protect her best friend. Not now, now that was broken and shattered. And love, she knew even less of that. Why would she fight a duel for fruit she had never tasted, only yearned for? Even the word was bitter on her tongue. “I have fought more than two duels. Which two were they? “ Juri shook her head, dissatisfied with the Bride’s half answers. “Only 5 more duels, and then what? Revolution? How can that be. Tenjou fought many more than that. It seems inconsistent.” Suspiciously so. Was the Bride not telling her the whole truth then?
***
“Open the door?” Anthy suppressed a frown, displeased with herself for revealing even the smallest of details, “What do you mean by that? And you spoke of friendship and love.” Yes, two things that Juri was probably unaccustomed to she though bitterly
“I have fought more than two duels. Which two were they? Only 5 more duels, and then what? Revolution? How can that be. Tenjou fought many more than that. It seems inconsistent.”
They walked and Anthy was silent for a long moment, her face unreadable until finally she spoke. “You fought friendship and love…love was your first duel against Tenjou-san, and friendship was your duel that attained me. It was out of your friendship for Tsuchiya-san, you wanted to give it one more try for him did you not? You wanted to fight once more for a friend.” More silent steps, “As for why Tenjou-san fought more duels, it was because we thought her Dios’ chosen, certainly his decent would have us think that…we wanted to be certain though. Obviously she wasn’t if you managed to defeat her. If Dios begins to aid you it is likely you will be placed through the same tests. If not then you will be treated as all the other champions.”
***
Utena giggled through their frantic attempts to get ready for classes. She was such a good friend, really, she never failed to cheer Utena up no matter what. No matter…what. Even through the stuff with Akio and all. She still thought that was sort of a joke, something she teased her about. But she didn’t know and Utena couldn’t tell her. No. No no matter how close of friends they were, she couldn’t talk about that. He was engaged, after all.
And it wasn’t like she could talk about Anthy either. It wasn’t fair, what was the point of having a best friend if you couldn’t talk about your secrets? But she couldn’t. It was too weird, and too secretive, really the duels were like some sort of cult after all. Wakaba’d never believe her and besides you just couldn’t talk about stuff like that. Duels and swords coming out of girls and castles floating in the sky. Wakaba would think she was nuts. Well. Maybe she would be right.
Utena nibbled on the soggy fruit that Wakaba offered. She wondered exactly how long those grapes had been in there but she didn’t dare ask. She just ate them and smiled. That’s right, Utena, keep smiling. Smile enough and it could almost be okay.
"Ne Utena, Erm...you never said exactly what happend between you and Himemiya-san.” Utena couldn’t quite meet her eyes. Well she would have to talk about a little. “I was just...I bring it up because I'm wondering if maybe, if you aren't going to go back to the East dorm, or the Chairman's wing...we could maybe...I don't know, fill out the paperwork so we can be roommates again. I, I mean if you want. I must say having a single isn't as fun as it should be, and I've missed sharing a room with you."
Utena stared at her hands a second. She didn’t want to insult Wakaba and it was certainly nice of her to make that invitation but Utena wasn’t ready to let go. She shook her head a little. “No. Himemiya and I…” how to put this? How do you explain it? “had sort of a fight.” Well that covered it. More or less. She brightened a little. “But I’m sure we’ll work it out.” Yes that’s right. She’d just challenge Juri-sempai to a duel and….yeah sure. Challenge Juri-sempai to a duel. She wondered if she’d walk out of that with her head intact or whether Juri-sempai would just kindly decide to sever it from her body for her..well wait. So maybe she wasn’t on the Student Council. She was still a duelist, right? So long as she wore the ring. Juri-sempai would have to accept her offer or get kicked out of Ohtori Academy, wasn’t that how it worked? So even if she were angry at Utena’s…..impudence, that’d probably be the word Juri-sempai would use…she’d still have to stick to the rules. Right.
“I’m sure we’ll work it out sometime today. “ Wakaba looked a little disappointed. Utena smiled brightly. “But I do miss rooming with you too.” Even if she was a little messy sometimes. “Maybe next year we can room together, all of us. We could get one of those triples. I’ve seen them, they’re really nice and there’s extra space and everything. They’re not so crowded. I think it would be fun, you me and Himemiya.” Utena sat up a little straighter. Yeah that’s what she would think about, all of them, living together and hanging out. She didn’t need to be around Akio-san that way, it would be best if she just went back to dorm life since he was getting married next year and all. The three of them. That would be fun, her two closest friends. Surely Anthy knew they were still friends, its just she had to act obedient to Juri-sempai because she was the Bride. But if Utena could free her from that duty, then they really could all be together like that.
“Do you think you’d like that Wakaba? Do you like Himemiya? You seemed to get along well that day we all had lunch together. I know she’s a little quiet, but she really is a sweet girl.” Really. Utena knew that, even if not much else made sense these days.
***
Wakaba waited, chewing on a grape, wondering what was going through Utena’s mind. Perhaps she was just trying to think of a nice way to say no. “No. Himemiya and I…had sort of a fight.” The brunette nodded. A fight. Well that’s what she had said right? “But I’m sure we’ll work it out,” she said, her voice optimistic. Well, Wakaba hoped that they did then, Utena liked the girl and she was nice enough, just strange.
“I’m sure we’ll work it out sometime today,” she said again. Wakaba looked down and rolled another grape between her pale fingers. “But I do miss rooming with you too.” Did she? Wakaba smiled a little brighter, she was glad that Utena at least missed being with her. “Maybe next year we can room together, all of us. We could get one of those triples. I’ve seen them, they’re really nice and there’s extra space and everything. They’re not so crowded. I think it would be fun, you me and Himemiya.” Wow…maybe that would be fun, the three of them. Eh….granted…well maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, and her and Utena could hang out some more.
“Do you think you’d like that Wakaba? Do you like Himemiya? You seemed to get along well that day we all had lunch together. I know she’s a little quiet, but she really is a sweet girl.”
Wakaba picked at the purple skin of the grape, “Yeah she’s nice…just strange is all. I mean, the way she acts around other people, she always just has this look. I know you like her and all and I’m sure maybe is just a mask thing…maybe I’d like her more if I got to know her. But, that would be fun…a triple…eeh! We’re going to be late,” she grabbed the blue eyed girls hand and pulled her up. They grabbed their bags and bolted out the door.
They half ran half walked to the building when Wakaba spotted bright orange and dark purple. “Hey isn’t that Himemiya-san over there? Wow…what’s she doing talking to Arisugawa-san? I didn’t think she had any other friends besides you.”