Adoration, Part 13
She felt compromised in some ways, she did not like having to bargain with her victors but again, she would much rather stay with Juri then risk having her lose to Saionji just because she thought that she was a nuisance…and it wasn’t as if something like that hadn’t happened before.
It could very well be that she would be in Juri’s company for a long time before the final duel came about and through her weariness she was eager to make things as simple as possible. It wasn’t as if the information that she would give would change the outcome of the final duel in any way. It would just keep her happy until that time.
“No, it hasn’t,” Juri answered her with a shake of her head, “I don’t want you serving me. But I was trying to keep you from overextending yourself, but if you feel you’re well I suppose I will trust your judgement.” Anthy nodded, glad that she would do so. She wasn’t incapable of telling how much she could exert herself, granted she rarely cared about those sorts of things but…still, her heart still beat within her and it wasn’t as if she could die so easily…the swords wouldn’t let her…all she really ended up doing was aggravating it all.
“ As for the rest…” Juri appeared to be considering her offer of information, “I would be interested in hearing you, but this is not the place to discuss it,” most certainly not. It was risky speaking like this in this place, let alone her secrets… “And I have to return to fencing. Stay if you like, but afterwards we will be dueling, you may want to prepare yourself elsewhere. I’ll have to call Saionji…” Anthy was only glad that Juri didn’t insist that she seek out Saionji to let him know that they were to duel today, such meetings would not go well and she preferred to be as far from him as possible.
“Meet me at the gondola, then.”
Anthy nodded and watched her champion return to the other fencers, leaving her behind on the bleachers where many of the fans sat and cheered for their favorites. Mindless sheep, and people thought that she was the one who was soulless…these people all had souls and didn’t know what to do with them. She watched only for a moment then left. There were too many people, she felt too uncomfortable in the atmosphere…except for the arena she wasn’t overly fond of places where people wielded swords.
Stepping out into the sunlight Anthy began the trek to her Rose Garden, it was the best place to be for her she thought. It was quiet, peaceful, but something stood in her path and when she brought her good arm up to block the sun from her eyes she saw Utena standing before her.
“Tenjou-san,” she said, surprise slipping into her tone. Suddenly she felt very self-conscious of the bandage on her arm, the self inflicted wound. Had she heard then? Had she heard about what the weird girl had tried to do to herself? Why was she standing there? “How are you?”
***
Miki had reluctantly gone back to the other students, watching them carefully as they performed the ornately simplistic swords dances, occasionally giving comment where he felt confident that he could and then glancing back at the two women as they spoke in hushed tones. He couldn’t help but feel jealousy at it.
At last Juri left the Bride behind on the bleachers and rejoined them. “Sorry about that….” She said, seeming to be in much better spirits then earlier which was something that made him wonder all the more what they had spoken about. “Tsugi!”
“We just had to make some arrangements,” she said to him in a hushed tone, “I think it will be better now.”
“Well that’s good then,” Miki answered her, “It will be better when both of you get along, perhaps she will not be so frustrating for you.” He paused as they watched the pair of students and Juri called for the next. “What sort of arrangement is this if I may ask.”
***
Juri glanced at Miki… it wasn’t like him to pry. “No you may not. It was between the Bride and myself.” She was getting so tired of the questions and looks from the Council already, couldn’t he see that? Besides, she couldn’t reveal to any of the Council members that she was withholding information, not even Miki could know that.
“Some things I would like to keep between she and I, and at any rate we cannot discuss it here.” Juri focused her gaze on the fencers.
“You’re form keeps improving,” she said, critiquing his performance. “You are getting better and better at reading other fencers’ weaknesses.” She wondered how crucial that talent was going to become. “Knowing your opponent is as important as knowing the form after all. I’m sure you’ll do well in the competitions this year.”
***
Utena stared down at the forms in her hand…did she really want to do this? Giving up now, after everything she had been through? That’s what this meant, didn’t it?
The problem was she didn’t know. Really she didn’t! No one explained anything to her, it wasn’t fair. Was someone else going to beat Juri-sempai now? Would she get another chance? Or would Juri-sempai keep winning like Utena had…was Juri-sempai intended to be her replacement? She wasn’t all special and on the council like the rest of them, she really had no idea what it meant to leave the Tower, to loose the Bride.
She did know what it meant to loose Anthy.
Utena found her footsteps leading her automatically towards the rose garden. She just couldn’t get away from it, no matter how she tried. Might as well try to confront it or whatever.
Swallowing against the lump in her throat, Utena lifted her head went towards the oddly shaped greenhouse. Maybe they could still be friends? Anthy got along with Miki okay always, and she was never engaged to him. Wouldn’t that be better, Utena wouldn’t be owning her now. It would be a more fair chance to see who she really was without that strange hierarchy thing.
But the thing was…Utena bit her lip. Anthy didn’t seem to care so much. That was really sad but she just didn’t.
And Akio…Akio didn’t either.
Utena opened the door to the birdcage and spotted the white roses. Finding one nice white rose, Utena carefully plucked it and sat down on a bench, inhaling the fragrance deeply.
Closing her eyes, immediately she feel the Prince kissing her tears away. This scent always reminded her of him. Akio really hadn’t been him after all. In fact he didn’t seem to want much to do with her anymore at all, didn’t even try to stop her from moving in with Wakaba. He seemed a little sad but mostly his usual contemplative self. But he didn’t want to keep her around, although it would be funny to have her living there without his sister. What would Kanae think? So moving out made sense but it was almost like…almost like he didn’t think she was special anymore. She had been so sure he was it, he was the one. She frowned into the center of the rose. But then she thought Touga had been her prince too.
Okay so maybe her judgement was a little off. So maybe her prince was still out there. And just because she lost the duel didn’t mean she had to go back to wearing that stupid teal skirt. She’d just….find some other way of being herself.
Somehow, the white rose didn't seem quite right. Huh maybe it was a different species. Setting it down on the bench, Utena wandered through the garden until she found some pale pink roses… didn’t smell as sweet. Past their prime? Freaking orange roses were taking over the place. It would figure. Maybe Anthy took extra care of the Victor’s roses. But it didn’t really feel the same in here without Anthy, so she stood up and tried to make her way to the main tower to get this administrative crap taken care of…
Someone was blocking her way in the path, she looked up quickly, looking away again almost immediately.
“Tenjou-san,” No longer Utena-sama…that always annoyed her but now she found she missed it. Anthy didn’t sound like Anthy without it. “How are you?”
Utena attempted a smile, it came out a little half-hearted. “I’m okay. “ She gestured with the papers. “Ano I’m just…” This was so uncomfortable. She was trying to be aloof and cool about it like Juri-sempai would have been but it wasn’t working. “…moving in with Wakaba. It didn’t seem right to stay with your brother anymore.”
Forcing herself to look Anthy in the eye, she continued, “But I miss you. I miss what we had.” For a long moment she just stared into Anthy’s eye….please…just one spark of regret, of sympathy, something that said she missed it too, if only she saw that she would duel again and again, no matter how many times she lost.
Nothing.
Utena tried smiling again but it was even more awkward this time. “But I’m sure Juri-sempai is treating you well..” A joke. She could try to joke about it, didn’t that get over awkward spots? She tried to muster up all the false bravado she could manage. “And if she ever doesn’t, just let me know and I’ll……” Utena trailed off, her blue eyes widening as she spotted the bandage on Anthy’s arm.
Reaching out she took her hand, forgetting all the promises she had made to herself that she wasn’t going to interfere. “Hey, what happened? Are you alright? What’s going on?”
***
Anthy could sense the tension in the air between them, undeniably thick…
“I’m okay. “ Utena claimed. That was good. Anthy was glad then that losing her chance at things hadn’t crushed the girl as greatly as it had the last time she had lost a duel. But was she glad that she had lost? It only meant more time that she would have to do this…
“Ano I’m just…” just? Anthy glanced at the papers and faintly recognized them as moving forms…she was…truly giving up then. “…moving in with Wakaba. It didn’t seem right to stay with your brother anymore.” No it didn’t. It wasn’t right for her to stay with him when she herself could not…she had no right to see his face every morning…
“But I miss you. I miss what we had.” She said it but…she failed…twice she failed! Twice she let her down…she no longer deserved the gift of revolution…to fail to…to Juri… Anthy kept her eyes impassive though. The hope was dead…turned to cinder and ash within her heart and she would never allow herself to believe such nonsense again. Even if someone achieved revolution…she would always be the Rose Bride…nothing would change for her.
“But I’m sure Juri-sempai is treating you well…” As well as could be expected from one such as her…skeptic and cold…but she didn’t hurt her, she didn’t try to hurt her….and that was all that she wanted of this. “And if she ever doesn’t, just let me know and I’ll…” she would what? Challenge her to a duel…what would she do when she lost again? Utena did not finish her statement though and before Anthy could fully realize what she was looking at and move her hand Utena had grasped it gently.
“Hey, what happened? Are you all right? What’s going on?”
“It’s nothing,” Anthy said, almost coldly. “I…cut myself on accident,” she no longer owed Utena any truths. She pulled her arm away easily and clasped her other hand around it. “It will be fine in a day or so.” A heartbeat pause, “Juri-sama is treating me well enough. Her methods are not yours but she is,” adequate, “tolerant of me and good to ChuChu. I am glad that you are doing well though, I know that you and Shinohara are good friends.”
Anthy looked behind her, wondering when Juri would be coming, “ Gomen…there is to be a duel soon. I need to prepare."
***
Juri cut down his questioning rather quickly , telling him that she wanted to keep things between herself and Anthy. He held his tongue. Her bride and herself…it sounded so strange…
“Some things I would like to keep between she and I, and at any rate we cannot discuss it here.”
That was very true. He knew this…still though, he wanted to know…
“You’re form keeps improving,” she continued, as if to ice the wound, “You are getting better and better at reading other fencers’ weaknesses.” He did feel some pleasure from this comment. He knew that it was true if she said it, and he felt proud for it. That meant he was also able to read her better as well.
“Knowing your opponent is as important as knowing the form after all. I’m sure you’ll do well in the competitions this year.”
He hoped to do well in the duels.
“Thank you Sempai,” he said looking up at her, with a nod.
They ran through the rest of the students, changed from their gear and met up again. “I think that practice went well today,” he had gotten a touch on her after all. “What are you up to now?”
***
“I have to make a phone call, it’ll just take a minute.” Juri stepped away from him.
Saionji was of course overeager to prove he was the true and rightful Victor. “Fool,” Juri muttered as she placed the receiver back in its cradle.
“I have to find Anthy now,” she explained to Miki.
***
Anthy took her hand away too fast, explained it all away so quickly. An accident? With all the shaved ice she made, Utena seriously doubted she could cut herself with any knife by accident. The ice shaving knife was huge, and she never had much trouble with that.
“Juri-sama is treating me well enough. Her methods are not yours but she is tolerant of me and good to ChuChu.” Utena found that hard to believe, she was surprised Juri-sempai hadn’t killed the little creature yet. That was mean thought but probably true. “I am glad that you are doing well though, I know that you and Shinohara are good friends.” Utena managed a half smile. Yes they were. But she thought Anthy had been her friend too.
Anthy looked behind her, wondering when Juri would be coming, “ Gomen…there is to be a duel soon. I ((I ASSUME YOU WANT TO FINISH THIS.))
Utena’s eyes widened. “Another one already? Can you do that again so soon? Isn’t that quick?” They weren’t giving sempai much of a rest. Well maybe they thought she was good enough to handle it. “But I guess you don’t have much of a choice. Sempai doesn’t either.” No she couldn’t blame it on Anthy or Juri, so she was left blaming herself.
“Do you think Juri-sempai would let me visit you? I liked talking to you.” What she would miss the most was lying in bed, talking before they went to sleep. But that was impossible now. “We don’t have to be isolated, do we?”
A cool, refined voice came from behind. “Himemiya.” Oh great. Utena’s eyes, bright with hope that she might keep her friend, flattened considerably. Leave it to Juri-sempai to interupt a good thing.
***
Focusing her attention on the Bride, Juri mostly ignored Utena. She wasn’t that important, not now. “Saionji’s waiting, impatient to put me in my place I am sure. Let’s get to the Arena.” Behind her she heard Miki’s gasp. She didn’t turn around to look at him.
Utena stared at Juri as though divining her soul. Juri stared back, expressionless. Finally Utena said gruffly, “Good luck, sempai.”
Juri tilted her head in her direction, it was a brave thing to say and she should at least acknowledge it. “Thank you. I don’t anticipate Saionji to be that difficult of an opponent, but I am not looking forward to facing the maniac.”
Anthy stood in front of her, hands folded, obedient expression molded onto her features.
“Let’s get to the duel, Himemiya.” Juri turned, her eyes meeting Miki’s an instant. Never had he looked at her like that before. He offered no words of encouragment, his mouth clamped tight shut.
Putting his disappointment aside, Juri squared her shoulders and walked past him, the Bride a step or two behind. He didn’t know what the Bride was like. If and when he endured that particular form of hell he could he as self-righteous as he pleased. But as it stood he was in no place to judge. Beside, the Bride had said she could do this today. There wasn’t anything wrong with it.
Utena seemed surprised by the fact that they were going to duel again. Didn’t she remember what it was like when she first became champion? Granted she had only had to duel two days in a row…this would be the third time for Juri because of Saionji’s impulsive nature.
***
“Do you think Juri-sempai would let me visit you? I liked talking to you.” Anthy’s eyes hardened slightly. It was difficult enough now…to look at her, at someone who promised her so much and took it away…the grand reminder of her foolishness…why would she want to see her everyday? “We don’t have to be isolated, do we?” Anthy would have preferred it. Let her rid herself of the ring, be as she was before the duels…Utena was so naively cruel…she would never understand what that loss had meant to her…
“Himemiya.” Oddly Anthy felt a sense of relief to hear her mistresses voice calling to her. She would pull her away to the duel then…or questions…but either would be far away from Utena and her innocent blue eyes…she tried not to think of how they reminded her of Dios’ eyes.
“Saionji’s waiting, impatient to put me in my place I am sure. Let’s get to the Arena.”
Anthy nodded, noting the exasperated look on Miki’s face that Juri would take her to duel. Angry? That was promising, she was afraid they might have to do something drastic to get him to challenge his precious sempaii.
“Good luck, sempai,” Utena said though Anthy didn’t glance back at her. She was nothing to her. Utena could not prevent her from going back to Saionji.
Miki was barely listening to any of it. Saionji he remembered had said to wait until the Bride…until Anthy was better, it had only been a day. The very fact that she was standing there between them all was bad, she should be resting, sleeping…she looked terrible, didn’t anyone else notice?
“Let’s get to the duel, Himemiya.”
The dark girl only nodded, further inflaming frustration on Miki’s part. Why? He met Juri’s gaze with disapproval. He would watch it but he was not pleased by this. Juri should be taking Himemiya back to the dorms…not to the arena. They walked away though and he was unable to say anything. Suddenly he was conscious of Utena standing next to him.
“I can’t believe she’s making her duel,” Miki said, glancing at her, “Why didn’t you say anything?” Utena only seemed capable of a confused look though.
“It’s sudden but certainly Sempaii can do it,” she said after a moment…
“Not Sempaii,” Miki said, “Himemiya.”
Another confused look.
“Didn’t you hear? Didn’t she tell you what had happened?” While he knew the Bride didn’t have much in the way of friends, he knew that she was closer to Tenjou then most, and even if she had not heard it from Himemiya’s own lips…the rumors all over the school…
“I saw her arm…but…she said it was an accident.”
Miki was quick to shake his head, “No…Sempaii found her yesterday…with a knife,” he could not believe she hadn’t heard, “ From what Sempaii told us Himemiya was trying to kill herself…and the loss of blood alone, she shouldn’t be out, let alone tending to the duels.” His voice was angry. Truly he could not believe her.
***
Anthy could feel her heart beating fiercely within her breast as they walked to the gondola. The gates had been opened she could tell, Saionji must be eager then. She kept reminding herself that he would lose though if Juri had managed to be Utena then anything was possible now.
Together they stepped through the rose gates and into the waiting gondola and her body felt warm with the magic that encircled her. She was vaguely conscious of Juri at her side when the doors slid shut and as her uniform faded, replaced by the dress her vision went spotty and her head swam but she forced herself to remain still…she would rest later, the duels were more important.
At the top Saionji awaited them, a dark grin on his pale face, katana in hand. “I commend you Arisugawa for not hiding the injuries of the Bride,” his eyes settled leeringly on Anthy, “Don’t worry, this will not last long Bara no Hanayome.”
Juri gave her the order to prepare them and she did as she was told, slowly crossing the platform to pin the green rose onto Saionji’s jacket pocket, moving away before he could touch her, walking to Juri and pinning the orange shaded rose on her.
It was not until she called to the blade that slept within her that she felt a painful shift. The swords seemed to be more volatile then usual as she recited the spell and she fought a grimace of pain from her face as she felt the sword of Dios thrust violently from her chest as if punishing her for her actions the day before…as if to say how dare she call to it when she had tried to escape it…
When Juri righted her it was all she could do to stand. ***
Miki seemed upset the duels had come so quickly…Utena was sure Juri-sempai could manage. She beat all those fencers in a row, after all.
“Not Sempaii,” Miki said, “Himemiya.”
Utena frowned. Anthy? Why couldn’t she do it? I mean, all she had to do was draw the sword didn’t she? And she seemed okay…well a little…distant but… that was to be expected now wasn’t it? They couldn’t be as close as they had been, now.
“Didn’t you hear?” Hear what? What? “Didn’t she tell you what had happened?” No one ever told her anything! Was she more hurt than she let on? “I saw her arm…but…she said it was an accident.” And certainly she hadn’t acted as though it were any big deal.
“No…Sempaii found her yesterday…with a knife,”Utena’s blue eyes widened. “ From what Sempaii told us Himemiya was trying to kill herself…. “ Utena gaped at him, barely hearing the words. Cutting herself on purpose? Why would she? Was she that depressed because Utena had lost her? “….and the loss of blood alone, she shouldn’t be out, let alone tending to the duels.”
“She didn’t tell me!” Utena exploded. “Why would she do something like that?” Utena looked like she wanted to charge after the two of them but couldn’t quite bring herself to do it. “She didn’t tell me it was anything like that. And what is Sempaii doing to her anyway that she would try that? I didn’t think she would be like Saionji but now I wonder. “ Did winning the Bride make them all evil or loose their minds or something?
“I should have tried harder…” she said. This wouldn’t have happened if only she hadn’t lost. But she had. Twice.
“She can’t be strong enough to duel after that…” Utena stared down the path at their retreating forms. This was all wrong, all of it. “…and she just dragged her off like it was nothing.” Utena shook her head. “But Anthy didn’t seem to want me to know or stop her or anything. If she were really hurting don’t you think she’d say something? To me, at least…” Or maybe not.
***
Juri watched impassively as the green petals flickered in the wind, shearing away from the edge of her blade.
He had been right, it hadn’t lasted too long.
“I trust you’re satisfied now, Saionji,” she tossed over her shoulder at his drawn, utterly surprised face. It would be best to leave while he was still in a state of shock over his sound defeat and not angry. He was a fool always and truly a fool to have challenged her. The Bride floated over to her, almost ethereal...was she even there all the way?
Juri let out a long sigh once they entered into the gondola. Leaning gratefully against the side, she rubbed her leg and stretched it carefully, wincing. That was going to hurt a while. “What a perfect barbarian. When he can’t win with his sword he resorts to brute strength.” Including kicking and tripping. “I’m surprised he didn’t try to swinging a punch at me while I was at it. Anyway that’s over now, hopefully I beat him thoroughly enough he’ll think twice before challenging me again.” Juri looked up from her leg to glance at the Bride, squinting. “You look pale. I’ll take you home before I go to see Ruka.” She had to deliver the rose, but Himemiya didn’t look as well as she had. “Did you overestimate what you could do? Perhaps I should have done this tomorrow as I originally planned. “