06.14.02

hey m,

i wanted to do something special for you today - make you a picture, or something like that, but i couldn't find anything that was right. 

god, i can't believe it's almost 3 already.

i'm not really sure what to say. i know today is a big deal, and my god you've been through hell to get here - but a hallmark clap on the back would be so utterly retarded right now. and i sure as fuck ain't going to belittle this with 'oooh, you're so wonderful and brave! i <3 you!!!! ::tight hug::' bullwang remarks. 

('bullwang' - good god, that looks better than it sounds.)

i do love you though. and i do think you're brave, actually .. because i have an idea of how much went into all of this. i know it was one of the hardest things to do, and i know you're still going through a really fucking hard time. 

(oh sweet jesus, sue just came on msn .. ignore me, sue, ignore me!!)

i'm always going to be here, right here for you, emily. not that i really need to tell you that because there's no way i wouldn't be, and that should just be a given (yeah? does that look right? ah fuck spelling). 

if there are things you need to talk about - or want to talk about, i will listen. if you cannot do it face to face, we can write ... but i know it's difficult to share these things. it's sort of like giving something away, and sometimes you feel safer keeping them to yourself. or something. you know ... (jesus, talk about melodramatic .. but it wasn't meant to be, but you know what i mean.)

jesus, does this sound cold? i'm sort of multitasking, so this must sound weird and impersonal. :\ 

crud.

fuckit. i'll just give you a great big fucking hug when i see you.

i love you.