Intensity Training.
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To: All Employees
From: Management
Subject: Special High Intensity Training
In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. then anyone else.
If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.
Employees who don`t take their S.H.I.T. will be placed on the DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAM (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T.S.H.I.T.). Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they do not have to do S.H.I.T. any more and are full of S.H.I.T. already.
If you are full of S.H.I.T. you may be interested in training others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.).
Those who are full of B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T. will get S.H.I.T. jobs, and can apply for promotion to DIRECTOR OF INTENSITY PROGRAMMING (D.I.P.S.H.I.T.).
If you have any further question, please direct them to our HEAD OF TRAINGING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T.S.H.I.T.).
Thank you,
BOSS IN GENERAL
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (B.I.G.S.H.I.T.)
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