This is from a note Justin gave to me when we first started going out. I thought it was funny and decided to show it off. I had to edit some of the swears to keep those easily upset off my a*s. I tried to re-make the pictures as best I could, but I compromised on the plant and cat- ah well- enjoy!

The Illustrated Bible (Genesis)
by: Justin Pagliarulo

So there was this guy.  He went by the name of "god".  Actually, he 

prefers God, with the capital "G", I think it's a power thing. 

Anyway, this guy (should it be Guy? Sure, why not...) was sitting around in nothing.  I can't comprehend "nothing" because it was way before my time (by about give or take a few trillion years).  I guess that his existence in nothing was kinda boring because he aspired to a lot more exciting things.  Maybe he didn't even wait around in nothing for very long because this book I'm reading starts, "In the beginning" (kinda vague).  So in his infinite wisdom he 

started with heaven and earth.  As everyone knows, you can't do much creating without adequate light,

so that was his next project.  He liked that a lot (must have been a nice fluorescent or something) so he kept it around, but even god- sorry- God gets tired so he made it dark sometimes too. 
Ok here's where it gets interesting.  He must be big on terraforming because he cleaned out some of the water to make dry land, and planted some seeds on the dry parts.  (I guess he runs a nursery in heaven because he came up with a lot of stuff 

to plant, he's a resourceful Guy you know..)  After that he 
fucked with the lighting some more.  Oh by the way, it's on the fifth day now.
You're surely asking, "What good is a 

bunch of plants on a planet with really good lighting if you don't have any animals to play with?" 

Never fear though, God thinks of everything!  So, he breeds a bunch of animals in heaven and plops them down to bask in the really good lighting.  He liked all his new stuff, but there was something missing.  "I need an animal to destroy the plants and enslave the animals," he said, for God knew there was nothing more fun than conflict.  So he made an animal that looked just like him because 

he knew that no one could cause trouble as good as God can.  He called them "Humans" and said to them,"replenish the earth and subdue it: and have dominion over...every living thing that moveth upon the earth" (Bible, page 2). This was an obvious attempt to start a conflict between humans and animals. Unfortunately, it worked...

I find it amazing. The kind of weird stories 
one can find in a book left in a hotel drawer.

THE END

Want to find out more about the man behind the translation? Just go to my picture page and check him out or you can e-mail him at ao@oocities.com.

Portions of this page have been digitally remastered Aug 7th, 1997 by Justin