It can't be. It just can't be.
it's positive. It's It. I'm positive. I'm HIV. Postive. Me, Robin Scorpio. Can't be.
has to be a mistake. Has to be. Please, no, please, no, please, God. Can't. It can't be
because I'm Robin Scorpio, so smart, so sure, so excellent. Not her. Not me. I don't feel any
different. I don't look any different. (Neither did Stone; even now he doesn't much.) Now if
I cut my finger people will have to run. Rubber gloves. How can I tell him? Oh, God, don't
make me do that to him. Why couldn't it have waited?
If it had to come, why couldn't it wait until after he goes? Positive. Think Postive. Say what
you said to Stone: it could be years. In this case, years and years, while millions of dollars
get poured into finding a cure. I could have a life. I can have a life. Think well. Be well. Do
the right thing. I have to talk to someone, but I don't know who.
The virus is there, sharpening it's teeth.
Later
Went to Kevin. What should I do? Should I tell Stone? He's the one who wanted to know.
How can I? I certinly can't tell Mac. Not while Stone is alive. Kevin doesn't know; my
decision. Why doesn't he? He's a doctor of the mind. He should have a direction, point me
right. I need guidance. He's not refusing. He really doesn't know. Usually he's for truth.
Almost always. Here...he's not sure. Kevin Collins, unsure.
Think it over. My disease; me decision. Think about Mac, too. He and Stone have made such
progress. What's the point? Stone will be dead.
Mac won't be. Closure. There's plenty of closure coming. For me too. Go think Robin. But I
had just learned not to. I am afraid. I am so afraid. Afraid to tell. Afraid to die.
Later
I am afraid to tell Mac, not just because of Stone, but because I can't bear to see his pain.
To see all his worrying come true for him. And his guilt. He'll blame himself, and he'll hate
himself and he doesn't deserve that. Like I don't deserve to die, and neither does Stone.
But if I don't tell hiim I will have to go back to lying, and I havn't had to do that in a long
time. Also, Kevin pointed out that if Mac can have some "closure" with Stone it may relieve
them both. Help Mac "down the line." (And he may be alone there.)
Can I trust Uncle Mac not to hurt Stone over this? I think I need to. I'm going to have to trust
that Uncle Mac has finally learned to love Stone, and that love is not easily taken back.
Later, Sonny's
Stone in and out of sleep. He seems a little confused, forgetful. Has not asked. Now is not the
time, anyway. I have a little time to think. It's so hard; the idea of hurting Stone is awful, but
the idea of his dying with that lie between us...
I'm going to tell Mac and I'm going to ask his advice. It's been so long since I've done that, he'll
probably die of the shock. (How easily, how casually we use that word.)