Tickle Me Elmo: A Wanted Muppet
Note: This was written over the holiday season of 1996 by a particularly disgruntled Elmo fan. (ME!) Kinda like my way of blowing off steam. Enjoy!

Recent developments in the world of Elmo have caused great trauma in the hearts of fans and devotees everywhere. It is certain that the world as we know it will never be the same...at least not without professional help. Many of you may already know of the problems surrounding the procurement of this little doll, the Tickle Me Elmo...but here's the WHOLE STORY, from a devoted fan's (Some call me an Elmoist) point of view.

Picture me, 'Aphrodite', just a typical, happy little Elmo fan, sitting at my house watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Pleased and overjoyed to catch a glimpse of Elmo (even if Big Bird WAS shoving his butt in Elmo's face...) on the Sesame Street float, I sat and listened to the cheesy song with a smile on my face. I was sure I had seen the last of Elmo that day when I watched the float pass by the camera into the fadng sunrise...when lo and behold...a new commercial! It was Elmo, giggling away while hordes of ecstatic children tickled the poor creature to death!

Now, there is no problem with Elmo being on TV...but the advertisement of Tickle Me Elmo is quite an exception. As it turns out, EVERY SINGLE  CHILD IN AMERICA saw that commercial...and they all thought the SAME THING. Rosie O' Donnell didn't help things, either...her show may be great, but her suppoer for the Elmo doll caused more than a little stir. What did these children think after being influenced? To put it in the immortal words of Cookie Monster..."ME WANT!!" As the story goes, after the spontaneous commencement of these ads and TV shows, a mad exodus to the stores began, and these Tickle Me Elmos, which had been in bountiful supply ever since the early summer months, vanished faster than the equally-popular N64's! A scandal was being born, one which stands likely to topple Watergate, Whitewater, OJ Simpson...and yes, even the Power Rangers toy shortages of '93 and '94! Imagine my dissapointment...my friends made frequent trips to Kay-Bee toys to tickle the Elmo dolls (all 50 of them at a time)...but sadly, we never had the foresight to actually PURCHASE one. Go fig...teenagers.

The problem in this entire situation, in which thousands of Elmo-coveters battle it out for the last of the fuzzy red beings, is the Un-Elmoesque attitude it endorses. Frantic parents, with echoes of the recent film "Jingle All The Way" replaying in their heads over and over and over again, race through stores with fattened pocketbooks (and the occassional UZI), ready to do ANYTHING neccessary to get their hands on that doll. Every time I turn on the television or the radio, Tickle Me Elmo is talked about, moaned about. It's at the point now where Santa recieves thousands of requests a day for Elmo, and his elves are about ready to strike...'Down With Elmo!' can be heard whispered behind Blitzen's back.

So what's TYCO, the toy company behing this ingeniously dastardly contraption, have to say about the shortage? A spokesman from the company was quoted as saying, "We didn't have any idea of the type of demand Elmo would bring." Pretty sad excuse. Apparently, Elmo is a genuine product of Japan and China, and he must be shipped by boat to the mainland. TYCO is flying a doubled shipment in (originally 500,000 dolls - now 1 million dolls are expected) as soon as possible, but they probably won't hit store shelves until after the holiday season. Production was tripled in early November, when the first indications of the doll's popularity surfaced, but it just wasn't enough.

Stores and society are trying to maintain order, but Elmo has permeated every facet of life. Recently, while listening to local radio stations, I've heard at least 4 mentions of the doll in 4 days. One such occasion, a DJ remarked that the $25,000 shopping spree they were giving away would pay for about 800 Elmos. Another remarked how their boss had stolen the only Tickle Me Elmo in the office and locked it away for himself...depriving these workers of some great entertainment. Many of you may have heard of the plight of one of the last unsold Tickle Me Elmos in the nation. It sold for $750 (list price: $30) during an auction in which a woman purchased the doll for her 20-year-old daughter. He's made the #1 spot on many Christmas and even Haunnukah lists, creating thousands of harried, hopeless shoppers.

So the next time you hear about Tickle Me Elmo, think about all the little children, desperately pining for one to brighten their day. And if you see one? Think of Aphrodite, who's willing to accept all donations of Tickle Me Elmos or tips regarding the purchase of one. (Just kidding...sort of...)

TICKLE ME UPDATE: Easter Sunday (March 30)

Well, Aphrodite was visited by the Easter Bunny last night (or so the Germans would have us believe!) and under her basket, she found....a real, live (in a figurative sense) TICKLE ME ELMO DOLL! Wrong season, perhaps, but ALWAYS welcome. One interesting note: Tickle Me Elmo came with INSTRUCTIONS...yes, "How to play with Tickle Me Elmo!" Maybe in a few days we'll post a scanned-in page of the instructions, just for fun. Tickle Me Elmo has arrived....and there is much rejoicing in the countryside!

TICKLE ME UPDATE: July 23rd

Well, it seems the Tickle Me fad is over. I see children all over Sesame Place clutching slightly bedraggled Tickle Me Elmo dolls - no doubt recieving much love from their happy children. Price-gouging on the dolls is over, for the most part, and you can walk into any store and pick one up. On another note, it seems certain other Tickle Me Dolls are popping up. Cookie Monster, Ernie, and Big Bird are all now available in the Ticlke Me line. However, the Ernie doesn't sound like Ernie, and Big Bird is a bit funky as well. It seems we'll never be able to top the original Tickle Me Elmo.

SING AND SNORE UPDATE: DECEMBER 19th

AARGH! Well, Tyco sure knows how to make 'em. Sing and Snore Ernie has infiltrated our ranks....run for coveeer!