The One with HALLOWEEN!
Opening: In Joey’s apartment. Joey is hanging out with Chandler. They are drinking a couple of beers.
Joey: You know what Chandler? Halloween is like in two days and we
haven’t got any of our costumes yet!
Chandler: Joey calm down…you don’t need a costume anyway.
Joey: (doesn’t get Chandler’s joke) Oh, your gonna buy me one? Thanks dude!
Chandler: That’s NOT what I meant! I meant that…oh it doesn’t need
explaining Joe.
Joey: (gets Chandler’s last joke) Hey man, are you calling me ugly? Cos I’m not, see? Don’t say things like that to me. It…it hurts real bad!
Chandler: Joey, be quiet.
Joey: Okay.
THEME TUNE
Act 1: Phoebe and Rachel are watching cartoons on their telly, in their apartment.
Pheebs: Mickey Mouse sure looks cute in that red-red trouser thing.
Rach: You mean his shorts? He’s ALWAYS in them Pheebs.
Pheebs: I know, but they look cleaner on our telly compared to Joey’s telly.
Rach: That’s because OUR telly’s cleaNER!
Pheebs: Oooohhhh. That explains why they looked like they were sparkling on Monica’s telly!
Rach: Anyway…Pheebs what are you cooking for dinner tonight, huh?
Pheebs: Well, since it’s Halloween in two days, I thought WE could make some scary stuff to eat. Like…um…pasta and noodles and French snail salads or something.
Rach: Er…French snail salads? That sounds pretty gross.
Pheebs: That’s not for us to eat! No way! It’s for the trick or
treaters. I hate them guys.
Rach: Why? They’re only cute little kids who…
Pheebs: One of them killed my dog, cos I wouldn’t give them any treats.
Rach:…are greedy little bastards!
CUT TO Monica and Chandler’s apartment. Only Chandler’s there though.
Chandler: Now how can I spice this place up a bit to give it some
Halloween vibe? (Looks at the door) Ah, I KNOW! (He gets some sellotape and strings from Monica’s sewing kit and he goes taping the string all over the door. Then after some minutes he looks at it) Nah, it doesn’t look right. (He’s about to peel them all off, when Joey enters, singing).
Joey: Hey dude…(Joey gets caught in all these strings and tape and he looks angry and pulls a face at Chandler, but then…) Cool Man! Let me do that AGAIN!
Chandler looks pleased with his “some-sort-of-the” idea.
CUT TO NY City roads, where you see Monica and Ross,
Shopping for Halloween stuff.
Monica: (passing a Halloween shop) Hey look at that! (She points to a witch costume).
Ross: Yeah that would suit you.
Mon: NO, silly! I was thinking about Chandler in that!
Ross: You DO realise that your boyfriend isn’t gay, right, Monica?
Mon: I know, but he’d look ever so sweet in that.
Ross: Yeah, warts on nose, big, pointy hat, and a big black dress… Oh and the reason that he’s a MAN!
Mon: Oh shut-up Ross! You haven’t even GOT a girlfriend, so stop giving me a hard time.
Ross: As a matter of fact (he starts proudly) I do have a
girlfriend…sort of…(He goes into a mumble)…well my boss…(even quieter)…at work, if that even counts.
Mon: You have a date with YOUR BOSS?! (Everyone in the street looks at her and Ross). Sorry.
Ross: Well…she’s uh-uh sort of…
Mon: STOP blubbering words.
CUT TO: Phoebe and Rachel’s apartment. They are making some decorations for Halloween.
Rachel: (holding her decoration up and it’s suppose to be a drawing of scat) Hey, do you like what I’ve drawn?
Pheebs: Course I do! It’s ever such a nice piece of coal.
Rach: It’s NOT a coal- (She’s pretty upset).
Pheebs: (tries to have another guess) A big, black grape thing? (Rachel looks at her crossly) OH, I KNOW!!! It’s a picture of Mickey Mouse!
Rach: Pheebs STOP guessing! Let’s have a look at your drawing then!
Pheebs: (She holds up her picture, which has a clown drawn onto it) It’s a clown!
Rach: Yeah, I kinda figured, but why a clown?
Pheebs: Clowns scare kids! Them little rats won’t come knocking on our door if this clown is on our door. Good idea isn’t it?
Rach: Okay, whatever Pheebs.
Pheebs: I’m gonna get some silly-string from Chandler’s okay? Just in case them hooligans aren’t afraid of clowns, when they SHOULD BE anyway!
Rach: Okay. Be back soon.
Pheebs exits and we CUT to Monica’s and Chandler’s apartment. Chandler and Joey are messing about with taping the strings onto the door, when Phoebe enters.
Pheebs: Hey (She gets caught in all the string) Hey! (She says in a totally different tone)-Why-why is all this string stuck to me! Help Chandler and Joey!
Joey and Chandler smile at her, expecting her to smile back, but she obviously isn’t going to.
Pheebs: (Continues) Joey, get your arse over here and help get all this stupid string off me. (The two guys continue grinning at her) Hey…(she gets an idea)…do you two wanna be taped to my door to scare little kids away, for Halloween?
Chan: Joe, help her outta there and Pheebs, no, we’re not gonna be taped to your door!
Pheebs: I’ll pay you 50 dollars each.
Chan and Joey: Deal!
BREAK
Act 2. We see Monica and Ross in the shop, where we saw that witch
costume.
Mon: Hey…(She puts on a gorilla mask)…Look at me! I’m Ross! Oh no
wait…maybe I should get a dinosaur mask!
Ross: (He grabs hold of a fairy mask) Oh hey (He mimics a baby voice) Look, I’m Monica Fat Gellar and I have to be cle—ean ALL the bloody time!
Monica: HaHa VERY funny! C’mon we’ve gotta find ourselves some costumes.
Let’s not mess about anymore, okay?
Ross: Okay, I agree…Oh-oh! FOUND ONE! (He grabs hold of Monica and
swishes her round) Here’s the best, ugly costume you could ever find in America!
Monica: Evil (And she does that hand thing, where she smacks them
together. That Ross and Monica secret “giving the finger, without actually having to give it” brother and sister thing).
Ross just stares at her, evilly and gutted.
CUT TO M&C’s- (ya know what that stands for!)-Apartment, where Chandler and Joey do their last decoration to the kitchen- (which looks pretty gothic and cool)-and Pheebs is just about to leave.
Pheebs: Hey, so thanks for the silly-string, Chandler.
Chandler: It’s okay, but it’s taken you an hour and a half to get it!
Pheebs: Oh-OH god! Rachel! (She exits in a hurry!)
Joey: How does this look (He’s put a picture of a cute bunny rabbit, hanging down from the ceiling).
Chandler: (being sarcastic) makes you wanna rip your head off and
scream, Joe. Very scary!
Joey: Is that what you actually wanna do? Don’t you wanna stare at it all day long, considering it’s Monica naked?
Chan: That’s NOT Monica naked! And WHY would you have a photo of Monica naked?
Joey: It’s not? (He looks up at it) IT’S NOT! What happened to my sexy pic?
Chan: Um…please add “Of Chandler’s girlfriend!” Man, that’s dirty and disgusting!
Joey: Sorry dude, just thought it’d be a nice favour or something, you know,
to look up at the ceiling and see your girlfriend naked.
Chan: (Being sarcastic again) I SEE why anyone would wanna do that!
CUT TO Phoebe and Rachel’s apartment. Rachel is finishing some Halloween touches to the living room.
Pheebs: (She enters all puffed out) I AM SOOO SORRY (She looks up and sees the living room with all kinds of stuff hanging down from the ceiling) I am NOT sorry! What have YOU DONE?! How could you?
Rach: WHAT? I’ve just finished the living room decorations off, which by the way looks great to my view, and your shouting at me for it?
Pheebs: It’s NOT that! It’s-it’s just you’ve left me
With nothing to do!
Rach: Well-well-well-well you can COOK! That’s right, cook them
Halloweeny foods!
Pheebs: OH YEAH! Great idea Rachel! Your not that thick are you? (She looks up above her) Er Rachel, Rachel?
Rach: Yeah?
Pheebs: Why is there mistletoe above my head?
Rach: Well, I thought, if the clown doesn’t scare them kids off, then the thought of you kissing them might.
Pheebs: Hey! That’s offensive!
Rach: Sorry, but-but it still might work, eh?
Pheebs: Yeah, I suppose so.
CUT TO Chandler and Monica’s apartment. Monica is entering, while
Chandler is asleep on the settee and Joey’s gone back to his apartment.
Monica: Hi…(Gets caught in all the tape and string) CHANDLER!
EXPLANATION, NOW!!!
Chandler: (wakes up, confused) Oh…it’s only a dream- (He then goes back to sleep).
CUT TO Phoebe and Rachel’s apartment. Joey is just entering. Phoebe is just behind the door and Rachel is in her bedroom.
Joey: Phoebe- (She kisses him)-WOW! What the hell was that for? (She kisses him again!) Good on you! (And again) Phoebe…lover! (And again!)
Phoebe: Rach, this mistletoe idea isn’t working! I can’t get rid of this kid!
Rach: (She comes out of her room) No wonder, it’s Joey!
(And she goes back into her room).
Joey: Hey we’re still under the mistletoe thing, so how about another kiss?
Pheebs: Sorry, but no can do, your breath smells bad anyway, so sorry.
She leaves Joey hurt.
END CREDITS: Ross is calling on for Phoebe and Rachel.
He’s at the door and is about to knock when…
Chan: Arrrrhhh! Be scared be very scared!
Joey: It’s us…clowns!!!
Ross: (Can’t recognise it’s Joey and Chandler, cos they have clown faces painted onto their faces) OH MY GOD!!! (He starts to runaway).
Chandler: (Giggles) what a geek!
Joey: God knows too!
Rachel: (Coming out and sees them) OH MY GOD, PHEEBS!
Chandler: (whispering to Joey) and there’s another geek!
Rachel: Chandler and Joey are on our door! What the hell?
Chandler: I KNEW she wouldn’t buy it!
END!
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