JACK BURTON'S BIG RETURN
A Sequel Script To BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA
By
Mohammad A. Khan (copyright 1999)
Prologue: It has been 10 years since San Francisco Chinatown was rocked by the exploits of Jack Burton and his friend Wang Chi. And now Jack is back, once again helping his friend out of a jam. The Black Dragon Restaurant has gone bankrupt and Wang Chi’s penchant for gambling has become a full-blown addiction, one that will cost him dearly. It has gotten him into hot water with the wrong people and it's up to Jack Burton to talk him out of asking a shadowy character for a loan meant to buy the former restaurateur some time. Lets join them….
JACK: I’m telling you Wang, you’re getting in knee deep. What happened to your sensibilities?
WANG CHI: They went out the window Jack, just like the deed to my house, my car, my kid’s college funds, everything!
JACK: Come on Wang, this isn’t like you. You’re a hardworking guy, you always did right. Why can’t you find some other way to get back on your feet? You could’ve come to me y’know?
WANG CHI: Gimme a break Jack. You, with money? You blew the $3,000 I gave you in one day in Las Vegas. Don’t make me laugh.
Jack and Wang Chi stroll around an extravagant room, waiting for Wang’s new creditor to show up. Just to be risqué, Jack puts his hand on the belly of a statue depicting a smiling, fat and bald, Chinese character.
JACK: Awww..!
WANG CHI: What are you doing Jack?
JACK: Oh come on Wang, we put Lo Pan six feet-under, don't tell me you don’t reminisce sometimes? Jeez we kicked ass back then. Think we could do it again?
Suddenly a voice interrupts.
MR.KOBAYASHI: You're about to find out gentlemen.
The two men swirl to face the voice.
JACK: Hi…
MR.KOBAYASHI: My name is Mr. Kobayashi and I have a most exciting proposition for you.
WANG CHI: Does it pay well, because I only came here for a loan.
MR.KOBAYASHI: Indeed it does Wang Chi. The pay off is being able to walk away with your life.
JACK: Hey! This is America pal! You can’t threaten us!
MR.KOBAYASHI: This is Chinatown Mr. Burton, and you will not live to see another day if I deem it so. Now, please…
JACK: Oh yeah?
MR.KOBAYASHI: Kindly shut up.
Jack is stunned and looks at Wang Chi.
WANG CHI: Jack don’t…
JACK: Don’t what!? Like I'm supposed to be afraid of this guy. Listen, I can take him. I still got that magic juice flowin’ through my veins, see what others can’t see, do what others can’t do. Besides, it's all in the reflexes.
MR.KOBAYASHI: There's nothing you can prove with this little outburst Mr. Burton.
JACK: Oh yeah? Well, boy am I gonna take you to school.
Jack starts to move forward and Wang Chi cautions him.
MR.KOBAYASHI: I work for Mr. Mutakyawa.
JACK: Great, have me over for dinner sometime.
Wang Chi's eyes widen in horror and recognition at the sound of the name.
WANG CHI: Jack don’t!
Jack brushes by Mr. Kobayashi and is thrown back by a terrific bolt of lightning. Wang attends to his fallen, yet slightly crispy friend.
MR.KOBAYASHI: Most certainly not a prudent move Mr. Burton, my employer, Mr. Mutakyawa, is not so gracious as I am. He most certainly would have killed you. I however am a pacifist, I believe in nonviolence.
JACK: (rubbing the back of his head) Is that a fact!?
Jack looks up at Wang.
JACK: Talk about bringing back memories…
WANG CHI: I told you Jack! He means business!
MR.KOBAYASHI: Gentlemen. Enough games. You have stolen from Mr. Mutakyawa, even though you may not know it. As a result you are in his debt. That you did not know you stole from him is the only reason you are alive today.
JACK: Listen…
MR.KOBAYASHI: Mr. Burton, in July of 1987, you transferred a fleet of Arabic racing stallions to a location in the state of Colorado. The fact that half the beasts were stuffed with contraband opium was not common knowledge to you. When federal agents claimed possession of your vehicle due to an insider tip from one of Mr. Mutakyawa's long standing rivals, you were not held accountable. Please.
JACK: But I spent a week in jail for that!
Mr. Kobayashi raises his hand, little bolts of lightning crackling between his thin fingers.
MR.KOBAYASHI: (hissing) Your only punishment, thus far. Please, I beg you.
WANG CHI: Jack…
JACK: I guess he does.
MR.KOBAYASHI: Wang Chi, we will not even discuss your situation. You know as well as I do, that you are in Mr. Mutakyawa's debt. Now, your assignment.
Jack and Wang Chi look at each other and then back to Mr. Kobayashi.
MR.KOBAYASHI: You are to goto the Red Pepper Restaurant in abandoned steel district of Chinatown. There, you will ascend to the topmost floor of the structure and kill it's owner and proprietor Mr. Eldefensor Cacal. He will be well guarded, but you gentlemen have unique qualifications; you killed David Lo Pan, one of Mr. Mutakyawa's greatest enemies. The very man who blew the whistle on Mr. Burton and his horsies.
JACK: Yeah, and killing him was a son-of- a-bitch too, you wanna tell me exactly why we are going to do this for you?
MR.KOBAYASHI: Asides from saving your lives you mean? Because at this very moment Wang Chi's children have some very special babysitters.
Kobayashi flips on a TV screen that shows two young kids, a boy and a girl (both with dragon green eyes), being guarded by men in suits with guns in their hands. Wang Chi is speechless with horror.
MR.KOBAYASHI: Yes. Children who will suffer unforgivable harm if their father isn’t a good boy. Now, go out there and win.
Kobayashi motions to the door and the men leave. Outside, the two hop into the Pork Chop Express and drive away.
JACK: I’ve gotta stop visiting you Wang.
WANG CHI: He's got my kids. Their mom is gonna kill me, I only get them for the weekend! Oh god, what's he done with the babysitter!
Jack takes a bite out of a hero-sandwich he bought hours ago.
JACK: Jeez pal, a lot’s changed in ten years. Makes you wonder why we ever saved Miao Yin from Lo Pan in the first place if you were just gonna go ahead and get a divorce. But don't worry, we'll get Terry and Gina back! Kobayashi is just playing mind games with us, stay cool.
WANG CHI: Easy for you to say Jack. You’re not tied down with any responsibilities, I am.
JACK: I don't really have a choice Wang. Your kids, my godchildren. I got no choice either. So who's this Caca guy anyway?
WANG CHI: Cacal, Jack. He’s some foreigner from Spain who's heavy into Chinese mythology and a big tycoon in the food industry. Rumor on the street was that he dabbled in Chinese black magic. He's not nearly as powerful as Lo Pan ever was, but he's dangerous still. It's funny though, this entire mission, stop here.
Jack pulls over to the side of the road and the two get out and start walking.
WANG CHI: I don't know how we're going to find him in the Red Pepper Restaurant.
JACK: Why do you say that?
Wang Chi turns to his friend.
WANG CHI: Because this is where the Red Pepper Restaurant used to be, it burned down 20 years ago.
Jack stares in amazement at Wang and then looks at the gaping open lot where the restaurant should be. It is deserted, dirty and full of despair. A cesspool of unwanted waste paper and unused pieces of construction lumber and piping.
JACK: You sure you took down the right address?
WANG CHI: Jack, the Red Pepper Restaurant is a legend in this town, kinda like New York's Studio 54 you know? No one makes that kind of mistake in China Town.
JACK: Real swingin' place, so why did this Kobayashi guy send us to an empty lot?
WANG CHI: I don’t know, but lets just say that I didn’t want to question him on it. Let’s go.
Jack and Wang Chi take off and pull up in front of an ordinary building and go inside.
WANG CHI: Egg!? Hello? Egg!
Kindly old basket case Egg Shen appears from out of the shadows and greets his old friends.
EGG: Boys! I can’t believe I’m seeing you again!
JACK: How was the motherland Egg?
EGG: That was years ago Jack, what brings you back to Chinatown?
JACK: Oh just paying Wang a visit. We got problems.
EGG: Again? Why am I not surprised?
WANG CHI: 3 names: Kobayashi, Mutakyawa, and Cacal.
EGG: Ohhh….heavy names.
WANG CHI: We’re both in debt to Mutakyawa and Kobayashi is going to see to it that we repay him by killing Eldefensor Cacal, who just happens to live in the Red Pepper Restaurant.
JACK: Which according to Wang is a pile of ashes 20 years old.
EGG: That is correct, from a certain point of view.
WANG CHI: We need help Egg. What do we do?
Egg goes behind a large counter and comes back with a furry bag.
EGG: Remember this Jack!? The Six Demon Bag!
JACK: Full of earth, wind, fire all those sorts of things! Super Egg, does that mean you’re coming with us.
EGG: Afraid not Jack, I’m needed elsewhere. There are many other evils lurking in Chinatown, this one I think you can handle on your own. But remember, the fate of the universe is in your hands!
Jack gives a look to Wang as though Egg is crackers. Egg gives each of the boys a small dark vial.
EGG: Go back to the Red Pepper Restaurant and drink this before you go in. It’ll help you just like it did against Lo Pan.
Jack and Wang thank Egg and they return to the site of the Red Pepper Restaurant. They both drink the Egg’s magic potion.
JACK: Now wha…
An unseen force suddenly rocks Jack and he clutches his stomach. He’s doubled over in pain and then looks up at Wang.
WANG CHI: Jack are you ok?
Jack lets out a massive burp in Wang’s face.
WANG CHI: AGH! Jack! Gross!
JACK: Fire! It’s on fire!
WANG CHI: Your breath? It sure is!
JACK: No!
Jack turns Wang around to see what Jack is staring at. It is the Red Pepper Restaurant, fully ablaze and appearing out of thin air. As if from out of a hazy dream.
JACK: Is this for real Wang?
WANG CHI: It is Jack, don’t be scared.
JACK: Don’t be ridiculous.
Wang starts towards the restaurant, sparks of fire raining down all around him, yet unseen to the naked eye.
JACK: What’re those things flying around the top?
WANG CHI: Ghosts and demons from the past.
JACK: How did you know that?
WANG CHI: I don’t know, I just did. I think a lot of things’ll clear themselves up by themselves now.
Jack looks at the burning building.
JACK: Well, like I said, familiar territory. Time to rock n roll Wang.
The two enter the building. Inside are classical and ornate Chinese figurines and statues. Expensive pottery lines the walls also. The walls are paper thin squares wedged between wooden lattice work. A rickety set of stairs covered in cobwebs disappears into the darkness to their right. Suddenly two very large King Cobras slither out of the darkness and stop in front of the two.
WANG CHI: Snakes, it HAD to be snakes.
Suddenly the snakes morph into exact replicas of Jack and Wang. But they’re dressed as dinner waiters and each sports a paper thin mustache and carry silver dinner trays.
JACK: My god! I’m gorgeous with a mustache!
Evil Jack hurls his platter at Jack’s face and attacks.
EVIL JACK: Aieee! Jack Burton! Killah of killah’s!!! Aieeee!!!
JACK: Wang!
But Wang is busy tussling with his own evil counterpart. Jack hurls his counterpart through some of the paper-thin partitions in the room. Wang grabs some steel sai’s off the wall and duels with his double.
WANG CHI: Jack, they’re just mirrors of us. You can use your thoughts against them!
Suddenly evil Wang screeches in a bad French accent and leaps into the air.
EVIL WANG CHI: Nooooo!
Wang hurls his sai, catching the doppelganger square in the stomach. Evil Wang Chi falls to the floor in an unmoving heap. Meanwhile Jack is slowly being strangled to death by the dinner jacket Evil Jack has got wrapped around his neck. Wang runs over and rams a sai through the troublemaker's back.
JACK: (gasping for air) Thanks!
The two climb the stairs to the next floor. Psychedelic lights flash on and off. Giant blades from beneath the floor rise and disappear at intervals throughout the room. Holes in the wall let in giant, floating, flaming globes that scream and moan horribly.
JACK: This is horseshit Wang!
WANG CHI: I’ll say.
The two have to get past the blades and flaming ghost heads to get to the stairs across the room.
WANG CHI: Ready Jack? Lets go!
Jack and Wang sprint across the room as the blades closest to them disappear. They get halfway across the room before they hear noises below them and stop.
WANG CHI: Duck!
Jack turns around and sees a blind-eyed ghost head, bright as the sun right behind him.
JACK: Yahhhh!
Jack hits the floor and inches away from a blade that comes out of the floor. He sees his reflection in the steel and almost passes out.
JACK: One question Wang!
WANG CHI: What?
JACK: Can we use the fire escape when we leave?
Jack yelps and ditches his parka when it catches on the fiery tail of one of the globes. The two run for the stairs as soon as the coast is clear and head to the next level. On this level there is a quiet silence. It is very dark and it is hard to see until the outline of a door in the far corner appears and is opened. Silhouetted against the open door is a figure wearing a motorcycle helmet. Soon, others join it.
JACK: Now what?
WANG CHI: Another fight.
Suddenly the lights in the room flare on. The figures across the room are dressed in single color jumpsuits, each with a white stripe going down the sides of their arms and pant legs. The leader, in lime, signals his men and the fight begins.
JACK: I'll take the little one Wang!
Wang somersaults over a group of the fiends and grabs a broadsword hung on the wall. The flowing banner attached at the end of the blade swirls gracefully as Wang begins cutting down the enemy.
Jack makes a familiar move for something hidden in his boot and pulls out a small revolver and begins firing.
JACK: DIE! DIE! DIE!
Motorcycle fiends fall to the floor or go up in smoke as Jack and Wang reduce their numbers. Jack unmasks one of the fiends and stares at a charred skull staring back at him, blowing frigid wind from out of its gaping mouth.
JACK: Whoa! Wang!
Wang Chi continues to slice and dice as Jack resumes firing his gun into an ever lessening crowd. After the carnage, the two men look at each other. The two overhear a small creaking sound and they stare up, towards the ceiling.
WANG CHI: I think this is the last one. I think its Cacal up there Jack.
JACK: How can you be so sure?
WANG CHI: Because I'm beat, I can't take much more of this. And I don't know what we're gonna do if it's not him.
JACK: Now's not the time to crap out Wang. (As an afterthought) Jeez, I sound like Egg.
WANG CHI: Hah!
The two hurry to the last level and stare in awe.
WANG CHI: This is it Jack, it's him, Cacal.
JACK: What this, guy?
The golden demon sitting on a throne at the back of the room leers at the two with a hollow mouth, and black holes like caverns where its eyes should be. It seems to be made entirely out of gold coils and scales. Various jewels of color cover its body, a red sapphire in the middle of the forehead. A serpentine grin is its whole face, with tiny sharp, golden knobs lining the inside of its smile where the teeth should be.
THE DEMON: May I help you?
WANG CHI: You're Eldefensor Cacal aren't you?
THE DEMON: I was. Still am.
WANG CHI: Get him Jack!
The two men rush the Demon. The Demon gets off its throne and punches Jack in the face before pushing Wang Chi back ten feet with a single kick.
THE DEMON: Villagers sent to kill a god, the ultimate warrior. Pathetic.
Jack hurls himself onto the Demon and manages to circle his waist. The two fall to the ground.
JACK: Wang hurry!
Wang spots two swords on the wall and takes one. As the Demon wrenches Jack off, it smacks the blade Wang is bearing down on him with and breaks it into two.
THE DEMON: Do you get the feeling you're going to lose?
Wang feels a strange power in his hands and sees that they are glowing an unholy blue color.
WANG CHI: Jack!
Wang instinctively whips out his arms and sends bolts of energy from his hands. The Demon shrieks against the attack and is hurled across the room.
JACK: How did you do that?
WANG CHI: I don't know, I just had a feeling in my hands, and it just happened. Egg gave us some good shit this time!
JACK: No horseshit?
WANG CHI: No horseshit!
The Demon gets up and snarls at the two. It begins to slowly approach the two.
JACK: Ok, hold, I'm gonna take care of this.
The Demon is getting closer.
Jack whips out his hands in a power move and cries out in pain as nothing happens.
JACK: Ack! I think I pulled my shoulder!
THE DEMON: No, you just don't have it in you, and now I will kill you both.
WANG CHI: Like hell you will!
Wang reveals the second sword he is holding, it is filled with the life ebbing from his hands. It glows blue.
Wang whips the sword around and cleanly slices through one of the Demon's arms at the shoulder. The Demon shrieks and things similar to gold coins pour out of the wound and spill onto the floor, glinting in the light. The Demon's clawed hand snakes out and sends a searing scratch down the side of Wang's face.
THE DEMON: Tiny man, you're about to feel giant pain.
Wang is hurled across the room by a single look from the Demon, by deepest, darkest black magic.
JACK: Let's try this dance again pal!
Jack reaches into the hollow cave of that is the Demons mouth, and yells as the tiny barbs lining it's frozen lips pierce the tender flesh of his fingers and draw blood.
THE DEMON: Delicious…
The gaping shoulder wound of the Demon miraculously heals itself by forming an entirely new arm where the old one used to be.
Jack looks at the Demon, dumbstruck.
THE DEMON: A handy trick, it's too bad that when I rip yours off you won't be able to do the same.
The Demon steps towards Jack.
THE DEMON: Don't worry, many have tried, all have failed. You are no different.
WANG CHI: Don't be so sure Cacal!
Wang Chi plants a stunning, flying sidekick right in the middle of the Demon's massive chest and crashes to the ground as the Demon remains unfazed.
THE DEMON: You've disturbed me on a most pressing night. And if my dreams cannot come true this night, then your death most certainly will in its place.
JACK: What dream is that, to escape being mistaken for a giant gold fish?
The Demon smacks Jack roughly to the ground.
THE DEMON: Such a potty mouth.
Jack wipes a dribble of blood from the corner of his mouth.
The Demon swiftly grabs both men by the throat, and lifts both of them off the ground, choking each one in the process.
THE DEMON: Now tell me, isn't this much better?
WANG CHI: (gasping) Jack! I can't breathe!
JACK: (also gasping) Argh! Gack!
The Demon looks from one to the other, the immobile leer on his face somehow larger now.
THE DEMON: Your reputation precedes you Wang Chi. You and Mr. Burton defeated Lo Pan together ten years ago; it's only fitting that you two die together on the anniversary of that historic event.
WANG CHI: (gasping) Why do you say that?
THE DEMON: Because I am privy to the lost treasure of his powers, scattered across the universe when he passed on. The death of you two will only further my cause and draw Shing-Dai's favor as the rightful heir to Lo Pan's fallen empire. It sits in oblivion just waiting for a new king. Me.
Jack tries to pry the chokehold on his neck with both hands and kicks at the Demon's midriff with his leather moccasins, to no avail.
Wang Chi's eyes are starting to glaze over, but not before he manages a last ditch escape effort. The power fading in his hands suddenly flares to life with a final burst and strikes the Demon. The Demon roars in surprise and pain and drops the men.
THE DEMON: Your final mistake, Wang Chi. Your life is in tatters and what I'm about to do now won't make it any better. Not that there was any ever chance of that to begin with.
The Demon puts his hand out and summons a fallen sword lying on the floor. It trembles, then rises and flies into the hands of the Demon. The Demon swiftly raises it over its head in a thrust move and bears down on the fallen Wang Chi.
Wang Chi's scream clears the stars in front of Jack's eyes, as to his horror, he sees Wang impaled with the sword.
JACK: NO!!!
Jack regains his second wind and gets up quickly, horrified and furious all at once, trembling with an unseen force.
THE DEMON: (summoning a second sword) Funny that Wang should die first, I would've figured you would be much easier.
JACK: It's a funny world.
THE DEMON: It certainly is (raising the sword to strike). Any last words Mr. Burton?
JACK: Just this. Watch your head.
The Demon grimaces and strikes, but in mid swing the sword is yanked out of its hands. The sudden jerk of the sword out of its hands leaves the Demon in a semi-crouched and subdued position. Bent over, as if under the guillotine.
The Demon looks up in surprise, just in time to see Jack bring the sword down against its neck. Jack's eyes are ablaze with white light. It pours out of his mouth and ripples through his body. The sword is alive with spiritual magic also.
The head of the Demon is cut off and it's neck spills more gold disks. Jack grabs the headless body and fills it with his power until the body shatters into a million gold disks.
As quickly as the power overcame Jack it is gone, and he runs to where Wang Chi lies, near death.
JACK: Oh no, no, come on Wang. We're not through yet.
Holding back his emotions Jack grabs the sword in Wang's mid-section and pulls it out. He throws it away and looks at his hands.
JACK: Come on, one more time.
Jack's hand once again begins to glow eerily. He places it on his friends wound and watches it miraculously heal Wang's fatal wound. Slowly, Wang regains consciousness.
WANG CHI: I don't believe it, you saved me Jack.
JACK: Strange things always seem to happen to me.
Minutes later, Jack and Wang Chi leave the Red Pepper Restaurant, now fully visible and nothing but a hollow building, gutted by fire long ago.
JACK: That's not what it looked like when we went in.
WANG CHI: It was haunted when we went in. The ghosts are gone now.
Jack helps Wang into the truck.
JACK: I'll just put Cacal's remains into the storage box behind the truck. You're all set now. We can go get the kids now.
Jack jiggles a sack containing A LOT of gold disks. After putting away the gold, he goes to the front of the Pork Chop Express and slams Cacal's dismembered head onto the top of the hood. He fits it properly and then he gets into the driver's seat.
JACK: (to Wang) Ready?
WANG CHI: How did we do it Jack? How did you do it?
Jack smiles at his buddy.
JACK: (holding up a hand crackling with energy) I told you Wang, we never lost the magic.
Wang's eyes widen in amazement and then he relaxes and smiles as the two start to laugh.
The Pork Chop Express revs up under a blanket of storm clouds. Lightning cracks and thunder rumbles in the air. Classical Chinese harp music wafts out from the radio.
JACK: Let's go…
As the Pork Chop Express pulls away from the curb, a momentary glimpse at the head of the Demon reveals a sudden flash of emerald light in its hollow eyes.
The last thing we see is the back of the rig as it barrels its way out of the steel district.
THE END
Copyright 1999 Mohammad A. Khan