QUOTES FROM SEASON 3 OF THE X-FILES
***The Blessing Way***
Scully [To Skinner]: "With all due respect, sir, I think you
overestimate your position in the chain of
command.
Deep Throat: "There is truth, you old friend, if that's all you seek.
But there's no justice or judgement without which truth
is a vast... dead... hollow."
Guard: "Making you come in the front door, are they Agent Scully?"
Scully: "For now."
Indian: "You must be careful now to end the ceremony properly. If you
leave, you must not do any work, change clothes or bathe for
four days."
Mulder: "That's really gonna cut into my social life."
***Paper Clip***
Mulder: "I was a dead man. Now I'm back."
Mulder: "There are truths out there that aren't on that tape."
Scully: "Whatever happened to Klemper?"
Langly: "He's still here. Living very well at the expense of the
American taxpayer."
Frohike: "Unbelievable! We thought you were history!"
Mulder: "You're gonna have to wait a little bit longer for my video
collection, Frohike."
Scully: "What do you think your father would have been doing here?"
Mulder: "I dunno... but he never came home wearing a miner's cap."
Scully: "What do you think?"
Mulder: "I'd like to try door number one, Monty."
Mulder: "I think with a crow bar and a small nuclear device it might
be able to get through one of these things."
Mulder: "Lots of files."
Scully: "Lots and *lots* of files!"
Mulder: "You'd be surprised what's not on the map in this country.
And what the government will do to keep it that way."
Cancer Man: "What did I tell you, Mr. Skinner. I don't negotiate.
Especially with punks like you who think they can bluff
me."
CM: "What is this?"
Skinner: "This is where you pucker up and *kiss my ass*!"
Scully: "I've heard the truth, Mulder. Now what I want are the
answers."
***D.P.O.***
Scully: "Feel free to jump in any time..."
Mulder: "Why? You were doing just fine."
Scully: "You have a theory on what's going on here?"
Mulder: "I just don't think it's lightning."
Scully: "...I hope you're not thinking this has anything to do with
government conspiracies or UFOs."
Mulder: "None of the evidence so far indicates either of those
possibilities."
DPO: "Why do you want to watch all that stuff anyway? They're all a
bunch of losers."
Mom: "'Cause they're on TV. I don't see you on TV."
DPO: "Buuurrpp!!"
Mom: "Manners don't cost, Darren, they're free! What girl's gonna
want a belchin' fool like you?"
DPO: "Hey, you know, I think you wanna be someplace else right now,
'cause I'm in the mood for a little barbeque."
Zero: "Naw, man, not the cows again...."
Mulder: "That's great, now can you make me a little cherub that
squirts water?"
Mulder: "Let's go see if the shoe fits."
Zero: "You know, I've been thinking..."
DPO: "First time for everything."
Scully: "I'm surprised you haven't already read that issue."
Mulder: "Oh, I have. April is the cruelest month, but mine didn't
come with this. I found it between Miss April and Women
of the Ivy League."
Scully: "So what? Are we supposed to charge him with assaulting a
cellular phone?"
***Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose***
Clyde: "What the hell is Lollapalloza?"
Storeman: "Who's Buddy Holly?"
Zelma: "Mr., please, you're hurting me."
Killer: "I know, I know, but I'm sorry. But you're a fortune teller.
You should have seen this coming."
Cline: "So what do they say about the entrails?"
Yavez: "Yuck."
Mulder: "Mr. Yappi, read this thought."
Yappi [reacting as if hit]: "So's your old man!"
Clyde [Re: Mulder's badge]: "I'm supposed to believe that's a real name?"
Scully [To Mulder] "Oh, so now *you're* psychic?"
Clyde: "Oh, sometimes it... just seems that everyone's having sex except
for me."
Clyde: "I guess I can't see the forest for the trees."
Clyde: "You know, I can think of more dignified ways to die than
auto-erotic asphyxiation."
Mulder: "Why were you looking at *me* when you said that?"
Scully: "We can't come up with suspects by having visions."
Clyde: "Jealous?"
Scully (After hearing that both she and Clyde would be
in bed together): "Mr. Bruckman, there are hits and there
are misses. And then there are MISSES."
***The List***
Scully: "Third time's a charm."
Mulder: "Imagine if you could come back and take out 5 people who
had caused you to suffer. Who would they be?"
Scully: "I only get 5?"
Mulder: "I remembered your birthday this year, didn't I Scully?"
***2Shy***
Holly MacLean: "Uh uh. No kissin'. Anything else you want is
fine, but no kissin'."
Mulder: "Okay, it's not yet the finely detailed insanity that
you've come to expect from me, it's just a theory. But
what if he's not doing this out of a psychotic impulse but
rather out of some physical hunger? Maybe he needs to
replenish this chemical deficiency in order to survive."
Scully: "From a dry skin sample you're concluding what? That he's
some kind of a fat-sucking vampire?"
Scully: "Yeah, scorpions predigest their food outside of their body
by regurgitating onto their prey but... I don't know too
many scorpions who surf the internet."
***The Walk***
Leonard: "You got that... 'I'm freakin out' look on your face...
What's the matter?"
Roach: "It's nothing."
Leonard: "Bull. I spent 2 years with your sorry ass in a gun
turret, I think I know when you got something on your
mind. C'mon Private, make your report!"
Mulder: "No, what I can't figure out is why a man who's so
deliberately and methodically set out to commit suicide
would leave the one entrance to the room unsecured. But
then again I obviously have a feeble grasp of army
protocol and procedure."
Mulder: "Sometimes the only sane response to an insane world is
insanity."
Leonard: "How's that? Oh, he's only the guy that turned me into
second base by getting my arms and legs blown off. Other
than that he was a real good guy."
***Oubliette***
Scully: "Well, that's spooky."
Mulder: "That's my name."
Scully: "I hate to say this Mulder, but I think you just ran out of
credibility."
***Nisei***
Scully: "That's not your usual brand of entertainment..."
Scully: "Mulder, this is even hokier than the one they aired on the
Fox network, you can't even see what they're operating on!"
Scully: "You spent money on this?"
Mulder: "$29.95... plus shipping."
Mulder [After pulling 2nd gun]: "I got tired of losing my gun."
Mulder: "Well, I didn't get his name, I was too busy getting my
ass kicked."
Langly: "Just gotta love them German optics."
Mulder: "Gotta love that global economy, huh?"
Skinner: "Because whatever you stepped in on this case is being tracked
into my office, and I don't like the smell of it."
Mulder: "Mind if I tidy up in here a bit first?"
Scully: "So you're saying that this is man-made."
Agent Pandrall: "What else would it be?"
***731***
APOLOGY IS POLICY
Mulder [Finding the journals are in Japanese]: Why did I study French
in high school?"
Mulder: "I just want you to point it at him. Don't pull the
trigger [clicks empty gun]. Kinda gives away the game."
Mulder: "The NSA? Since when did they start issuing you guys piano
wire instead of guns?"
Mulder: "As an employee of the National Security Agency you should
know that a gunshot wound to the stomach is probably the
most painful and the slowest way to die. But I'm not a very
good shot. And when I miss... I tend to miss low..."
Mulder: "What are you watching?"
Scully: "Your alien autopsy video."
Mulder: "You mean I might get my $29.95's worth after all?"
***Revelations***
Reverend: "...Moses hadn't really parted the Red Sea. He said that
high winds and ocean currents had been responsible."
Mulder: "No, I think this is a case of too much faith. (Tastes
blood) And too much sugar."
Principal: "I love my job..."
Scully: "Did you get a composite?"
Mulder: "Yeah, looks like Kevin was abducted by Homer Simpson's
evil twin."
Scully: "This isn't the killer, Mulder."
Mulder: "I think that's a safe assumption."
Mulder: "By who? Who asked you to protect him?"
Owen: "God."
Mulder: "It's quite a long distance call, isn't it?"
Mulder: "You never draw MY bath..."
Scully: "Mostly it just makes me afraid."
Priest: "Afraid?"
Scully: "Afraid that God is speaking. But that no one's listening."
***War of the Coprophages***
Mulder: "...It took forever for me to realize that it was no leaf."
Scully: "A praying matins?"
Mulder: "Yeah, I had a praying mantis epiphany and, as a result, I
screamed. Not... not a girly scream but the scream of
someone being confronted by some before unknown monster that
had no right existing on the same planet I inhabited. Did
you ever notice how a praying mantis' head resembles an alien's
head? The mysteries of the natural world were revealed to
me that day but instead of being astounded I was repulsed."
Scully: "Mulder, are you sure it wasn't a girly scream?"
Scully (repeatedly): "Her name is Bambi?!?"
Mulder: "Yeah, did you know that the ancient Egyptians worshipped
the scarub beetle and possibly errected the pyramids to
honor them? Which may be giant symbolic dung heaps?"
Scully: "Did you know the inventor of the flush toilet was named
Thomas Crapper?"
Mulder: "Scully, I never thought I'd say this to you but... you
smell bad."
Scully: "Smart is sexy. Think of it this way, Mulder. By the time there's
another invasion of artificially intelligent dung eating robotic
probes from outer space maybe their children will have devised a
way to save our planet."
Mulder: "Crap."
Scully: "Mulder, I think the only thing more fortuitous than the emergence
of intelligent life on this planet is that through purely random
laws of biological evolution and intelligence as complex as ours
ever eminated from it. The very idea of intelligent alien life is
not only astronomically improbable, but at its most basic level
downright anti-Darwinian."
Mulder: "Scully...what are you wearing?
Scully: "I'm not going to ask if you just said what I think you
said because I know it's what you said."
Scully: "Mulder, I'm coming up there."
Mulder: "Whatever."
Mulder: "Not now."
Scully: "Mulder, this town is insane."
Mulder: "Where are you?"
Scully: "In a convinence store just outside... civilization."
Sheriff: "You two should get some rest. You look pooped."
Sheriff: "What are you doing?"
Mulder: "Just sittin' and thinkin'."
Sheriff: "Sitting and thinking... and talking on the phone?"
Mulder: "Yeah."
Sheriff: "To who? Your drug dealer?"
Shriff: "Who was that?"
Mulder: "My drug dealer."
***Syzygy***
Mulder: "Go ahead."
Scully: "No, you go ahead."
Mulder: "No, I know how much you love snapping on the latex."
Mulder: "You don't suppose she's a virgin, do you?"
Scully: "I doubt she's even a blonde."
Scully: "Sure. Fine. Whatever."
White: "Maybe we can solve the mystery of the horny beast."
Mulder: "Maybe we should just watch some television...uh...there's,
there's a movie on the TV. Actually, its the same, the same
movie on every channel."
White: "Weird. I like weird. I feel weird. [kisses him]"
Scully: "Mulder, what the hell's going on here?"
Mulder: "Something cosmic."
Scully: "You ready?"
Mulder: "You're the driver."
Mulder: "Uh, Scully. If I'm not mistaken, we're going to take a left
up here...Uh, there's an intersection up here. You're gonna
wanna...Scully! You're going to want...You just...ran a stop sign
back there, Scully."
Scully: "Shut up Mulder."
Mulder: "Sure. Fine. Whatever."
Scully: "...but I didn'y expect you to ditch me."
Mulder: "I didn't ditch you."
Scully: "Fine... whatever."
(Mulder sniffs White deeply while she's talking.)
White: "What are you doing?"
Mulder (sheepish): "Nothing."
White: "You've been drinking."
Mulder: "Yes... eh... I have. Which is... funny 'cause I usually,
uh, normally never, I don't drink."
White: Goes to bottle and guzzles almost the whole thing.
Mulder: "Let me drive."
Scully: "I'm driving."
Mulder: "Scully, it's not what you think."
Scully: "I didn't see anything anyway."
Mulder: "Will you let me drive?"
Scully: "I'm driving. Why do you always have to drive? Because
you're the guy? Because you're the big, macho man?"
Mulder: "No, I was just never sure your little feet would reach
the pedals."
Mulder (mockingly): "I'm a macho man..."
Margi: "Back off, Terri."
Terri: "Happy Birthday, bitch!"
Terri: "So you blow me off so you could snack some shoulder time
with rudeboy."
***Grotesque***
Mulder: "You thought all they [Uzbekistan] produced were great
hockey players."
Patterson: "So what is it Mulder? Little green men? Evil
spirits? Hounds of Hell?"
Mulder: "Scully, this is Bill Patterson. He runs the
investigative support unit out of Quantico."
Scully: "Yes, I know. Behavioral Science, you wrote the book.
It's an honor, sir."
Patterson: "Is that what you think? That the suspect is
possessed by some dark spirit?"
Scully: "No, not at all, sir."
Patterson: "Strange company you keep, then."
Mulder: "That's what always amazed me about you, Bill. How you
never fit your own profile. No one would ever guess how
really mean-spirited you are."
Scully: "Now our guys must have locked it [the cat] in here."
Mulder: "Uh no, he's obviously got his own key to the place."
Patterson: "I have to say... I'm really disappointed in you."
Mulder: "Well I wouldn't want to disappoint you by not
disappointing you."
Scully: "Look, when I couldn't reach you I went to your
apartment. I saw your new wallpaper."
Skinner: "Are you worried about Agent Mulder?"
Scully: "No sir."
Skinner: "Off the record."
Scully: (Says nothing)
Skinner: "So am I."
Mulder: "We work in the dark. We do what we can to battle with the
evil that would otherwise destroy us. But, a man's character's
fate is defined as not a choice but a calling. Yet sometimes the
weight of this burden causes us to falter, breaching the fragile
fortress of our mind, allowing the monsters without to turn within
and we are left alone, staring into the abyss... into the laughing
face of madness."
Mulder: "What he really meant is if you want to catch a monster you have
to become one yourself."
***Piper Maru***
Scully: "You know, it's strange. Men can blow up buildings, and they
can be nowhere near the crime scene. But we can
piece together the evidence and convict them beyond a
doubt. Our labs here can recreate out of the most
microscopic details their motivation and circumstance to
almost any murder. Right down to a killer's attitude
towards his mother and that he was a bedwetter. But in the
case of a woman... my sister... who was gunned down in cold
blood in a well-lit apartment building by a shooter who
left the weapon at the crime scene, we can't even put
together enought to keep anybody interested."
Mulder: "So it's OK for us to go on board?"
Morgan: "Sure. Probably get more radiation off your cel-phone."
Mulder: "Looks like the fusilage of a plane."
Scully: "It's a North American P-51 Mustang."
Morgan: "Yeh, sure is."
Mulder: "I just got very turned on."
Skinner: "Who are you guys?"
MIB: "We work for the intelligence community."
Skinner: "Remind me not to move there."
Kallenchek: "Arrest me? With what, your chopsticks? This is Hong
Kong, Mr. Mulder. They don't allow handguns here. They
took yours away at the airport."
(Mulder smiles and handcuffs her to him)
Kallenchek: "Hey! Hey! You can't do that!"
Mulder: I just did. *Now* let's make a deal..."
Mulder: "Open it. (kicks it open) Pardon my gender type, but after you."
Krychek: "I didn't kill your father."
Mulder: "*Now* you tell me..."
Mulder: "Feeling better?"
Krychek/Entity: "Like a new man."
***Apocrypha***
Mulder: "I guess I'm not dead."
Scully: "Maybe we do bury the dead alive."
Crewman: "That thing is still down there. The Navy'll deny
it. But you've got to make sure... the truth gets
out. I can trust you to do that, can't I Mr.
Mulder?"
Young CM: "You can trust all of us..."
CM: "Have the bodies destroyed."
Doctor: "But sir, these men aren't dead yet!"
CM: "Isn't that the prognosis?"
Mulder: "It looked great on me in the store."
Scully: "There must be 200 silos out here. And if I'm correct
they were all filled with concrete in accord with the
disarmament treaty when the base was decommissioned."
Mulder: "I didn't sign any disarmament treaty."
Mulder: "Actually I wanted to talk to you, I wanted to...
thank you for everything you did."
Skinner: "You mean me getting shot in the gut?"
***Pusher***
Mulder: "Hey... I think you drooled on me."
Scully: "Sorry."
Scully: "So he's a killer and a golfer?"
Mulder: "Rings a bell huh?... Let's go G-woman."
Mulder: "He psyched the guy out. He put the Whammy on him."
Scully: "Please explain to me the scientific nature of 'The Whammy'."
Scully: "What do you want me to say, Mulder? That I believe Model is
guilty of murder? I do. I'm just looking for an explaination a
little more mundane than 'The Whammy'."
Mulder: "Oh...Your shoe's untied. Made you look."
Mulder: "Think I can get the Playboy channel on this?"
***Teso Dos Bichos***
Scully: "Label this."
Cop: "As what?"
Scully: "...Partial rat body parts."
Scully: "Have you been drinking Llaha, Mulder?"
Mulder: "Go with it Scully."
***Hell Money***
(Description: Upon hearing description of victim's death...)
Scully: "What a way to go..."
Scully: "So you're saying that the ancestral spirits pushed
Johnny Lo into the oven and turned on the gas?"
Mulder: "Well, it would sure teach him to respect his elders,
wouldn't it?"
Scully: "Do you know how much the human body is worth, Mulder?"
Mulder: "Depends on the body."
***Jose Chung's "From Outer Space***
Scully: "Ok, just as long as you're attempting to record the
truth..."
Chung: "Dear god no! How could I possibly do that?"
Cop: "'Cause I don't need no lie detector test to see the only
thing you were abducted by were your rampaging hormones,
you punk!"
Cop: "Well, thanks a lot! You really BLEEPED up this case!"
Scully: "Well, of course he didn't actually say 'bleeped',
he said..."
Chung: "No need to elaborate. I'm quite familiar with law
enforcement... vernacular."
Mulder: "You still gonna hold the boy?"
Cop: "Oh, you bet your blankety-blank bleep I am!"
Mulder: "Well, so what if they had sex?"
Scully: "So we know it wasn't an alien that probed her."
Chung: "Agent Scully, you are so kind... He's a nut! I
read his manifesto..."
Mulder: "Have you ever found a metal implant in your body?"
Cook: (Shakes his head)
Mulder: "Have you checked everywhere?"
Scully: "That was Detective Manners. He said they just
found your bleepin' UFO."
Chung: "Although we may not be alone in the universe, in
our own seperate ways on this planet we are all alone".
***Avatar***
Skinner: "After 17 years, they can wait another day."
Mulder: "Least they're having safe sex."
Scully: "Business must be booming."
Mulder: "I think you mean banging."
Techie: "D'ya know how an air bag works?"
Mulder: "Your car hits somethin', a bag fills with air, you don't
die."
***Quagmire***
(Qeequeg goes nuts in the back seat)
Scully: "Nature's calling, I think we should pull over soon."
Mulder: "Did you really have to bring that thing?"
Scully: "You wake me up on a Saturday morning, tell me to be ready in five
minutes, my mother's out of town, all of the dog sitters are booked
and you know how I feel about cows. So, unless you want to lose your
security deposit on the car, I suggest you pull over."
Faraday: "Closest he ever came to communing with nature was subscribing to
National Geographic."
Scully: "Y'know, his fly's undone."
Mulder: "Are you insinuating something?"
Kid: "Dude, what's wrong with you? You made me drop my toad!"
Mulder: "It's three in one day, sheriff. All this driving from crime scene to crime scene is giving me highway hypnosis."
Scully: "Could you please repeat the last part again? I kinda faded out."
Mulder: "Which... which part?"
Scully: "After you said I'm sorry?"
Mulder: "Here be monsters, Scully."
Scully: "There goes our $500 deposit."
Mulder: "Yeah, you know, living in the city you forget that night is so, uh,
dark."
Scully: "I called him Ahab and he called me Starbuck. So I named my dog
Queequeg. It's funny, I just realized something."
Mulder: "It's a bizarre name for a dog, huh?"
Scully: "No. How much YOU'RE like Ahab. You're so... consumed by your personal
vengeance against life, whether it be its inherent cruelties or its
mysteries, and... everything takes on a warped significance to fit
your megalomaniacal cosmology."
Mulder: "Scully, are you coming on to me?"
Scully: "What was that?"
Mulder: "I dunno, but it ain't no duck."
Scully: "Well, you slew the big white whale, Ahab."
Mulder: "Yeah, but I still don't have that pegleg."
***Wetwired***
Scully: "Mulder, look at this. There must be thousands of videos here."
Mulder: "Anything good?"
Mulder: "Studies have also shown a causal connection between cow flatulence
and the depletion of the ozone layer."
Mulder: "All I know is television does not make a previously sane man go out
and kill five people thinking they're all the same guy. Not even
Must-See TV can do that to you."
Scully: "No, I'm gonna watch the rest of these tapes. Just out of curiosity."
Mulder: "You have fun."
Frohike: "Glad you asked!"
Mulder: "Bet all you guys were officers in the audio-visual club in high
school, huh?"
Frohike: "We have touchdown."
Frohike: "But we don't want to talk about it over the phone. Big Brother may
be listening."
Mulder: "You want me to go first this time?"
Innkeep: "Damn straight!"
***Talitha Cumi***
Mulder: "I want The Smoking Man smoked out. I want him exposed for the
murderous sonuvabitch that he is."
Mulder: "You gonna smoke that? Or you wanna smoke on this [gun]?"
Cancer Man: "You're giving me a choice?"
(
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