By: Denise James
A missing scene from Warriors.
Thoughts of his friend consumed the man. He didn't know what to do or say. Blair had been like a different person since his friend Janet had been murdered, and then, Incacha passing on the title of Shaman hadn't done anything but aggravate the situation.
Jim couldn't help but feel that Blair blamed him for Janet's death. He had been trying to find Incacha when Janet was killed. He didn't know why he had insisted on finding the Shaman, when he knew that someone was taking a great risk getting them information.
Jim watched as the young man wandered aimlessly around the loft. He was already dressed for the funeral. Blair looked lost as he finally sat down on the couch, staring out the windows but not really seeing anything.
What can you say to a person who's so confused? One who's grieving so deeply? How do you comfort them? It was a new experience for Jim. He had suffered losses in the past, but he had never had to be there for someone. Jim was still trying to cope with Incacha's death as well.
Jim looked at Blair for a moment trying to think of something to say. Nothing really came to mind. "You okay Chief?" Stupid question. Of course he's not okay.
Blair didn't even acknowledge the question. His gaze remained on the windows and his mind a million miles away, on a dusty back road with the top down on an old mustang, hair flying wildly, grins plastered on their faces.
Memories played out in his mind of their time together, best friends trying to save the world. The memories changed to Janet laying dead, an arrow sticking out of her back. Tears began to form and he quickly brushed them away. He heard Jim moving towards him and Blair quickly jumped up holding up a hand for him to stay away. He then retreated to his room.
Why did life have to be so unfair? Janet had a new life ahead of her. She was about to be married, but now he was going to a funeral instead of a wedding. There would be tears for the loss of a friend instead of tears of joy. Instead of a new beginning there was only an ending. So many negatives for such a positive person.
Blair sat on the corner of his bed and pulled out an old, leather-bound scrap book held together by a black ribbon. He opened the book and flipped past several academic awards and newspaper clippings to the page he had stared at several times since Janet's death. It was a newspaper clipping about the two of them. A black and white photo showed two, fresh-faced kids, chained to a tree and grinning from ear to ear. A smile came to his face as he thought about the night they spent together. It was probably the only night he had spent with a woman without doing anything but talk. They discussed their hopes and dreams for the future, baring their souls to one another, laughing and crying. He had been closer to Janet than anyone. They had laid out plans to save the planet, one tree at a time. He suddenly felt a pain for losing touch with Janet, the plans they had made, and the dreams they shared.
He wanted to laugh and cry at the same time, but then again he felt numb. He wondered how bad it would be if he lost Jim. Unable to deal with the thought, he pushed it back to the farthest corners of his mind.
Blair looked at the clock on the bedside table. It was time to go. Taking a deep breath, he carefully closed the book of memories and laid it to the side. He checked himself in the mirror, wiping at his eyes.
A knock came on the French doors of his room. "It's time Chief," Jim said softly.
"Yeah, I'm coming."
Another deep breath and he opened the door to his room. Jim stood there waiting. He placed a comforting hand on Blair's shoulder, happy that the kid didn't pull away, then guided the young man to the front door.
The ride to the cemetery was a silent one and Jim was proud of the way Blair handled himself at the grave-side service.
After Blair had given his condolences to the family and the casket had been lowered, Jim and Blair made their way back to the truck.
They had been driving several minutes when Blair broke the silence. "It's weird."
Startled, Jim looked at Blair. "What's that?"
The world keeps going, while mine seems to have stopped." Blair sat there a moment his hands twisting in each other nervously. "It just seems that everyone should be mourning, you know? But life goes on." Blair turned his head away, but Jim could hear the slight sobs and noticed him wiping at his face. "I just can't help but feel that I let her down."
"Chief, her death was not your fault."
Blair sniffled a little and then turned back to Jim, his eyes red and filled with sorrow. "Not that. We never made all of our dreams come true. We had plans, but never followed through with them. I can't help but wonder if I had kept in touch with her, if maybe things may have been different."
"Hind sight is 20/20 chief." Jim reached out and touched Blair's arm. "You can't dwell on the would haves or could haves. Those are the past and you have to focus on the future."
Blair turned his face away again. Jim was right. Dwelling on the past wouldn't bring Janet back, nothing would, but it didn't make his loss or conscience any easier to deal with.
They were turning onto Poplar Avenue when Blair had an idea. "Jim pull in here okay?"
Jim looked a bit confused when he saw the nursery sign, but he pulled in anyway.
Blair jumped out of the truck without offering an explanation. Jim could only follow the young man as he made his way through the plastic covered greenhouses to the back of the lot where the trees were on display.
Blair spent a few minutes looking around until he spotted a small Oak. It was perfect. Carefully, without getting anything on his suit, he picked up the pot. Jim turned questioning eyes to his guide as Blair hurried past him. The young man was a 'man on a mission' as he paid for the tree and went back to the truck. Blair hoisted the tree into the back of the truck and then climbed into the passenger seat.
Jim was still confused---not sure what Blair's plans were---but he quickly decided that whatever they were, they would do it together. "Where to Chief?"
"Home. I wanna change first."
After changing and grabbing a shovel from the basement, both men returned to the truck. "Let's go to the park."
Jim nodded and drove to the park.
Blair looked around for a few minutes before he finally found the perfect spot for the tree. He began to dig, but just then, Jim stopped him.
"Blair don't you need permission to do this?"
"I don't know and I don't care. I'm planting a tree right here. If they don't like it they can yank the sonofabitch up and put me in jail." The determination on Blair's face caused Jim to take a step back.
Ten minutes later, the tree was in place and Blair knelt beside it.
When he looked back up at Jim, tears were streaming down his face. "I dedicate this tree to Janet and to saving the world one tree at a time."
Jim smiled. Planting a tree for his friend had been a great idea. "I think she would have liked this, Chief."
Blair nodded. "Yeah. She would have."
Blair stood up and wiped his face. "You were right. You can't dwell on the past when the future is ahead of you. I thought that planting this tree would be a good thing to do for the future."
He bent and picked up the discarded shovel. "Let's go home, Jim."
As they walked across the park, Blair looked at the older man. "Hey Jim? Did I ever tell you about the time Janet and I handcuffed ourselves to a huge Oak?"
Jim smiled. Slipping an arm around the younger man's shoulder, listening as Blair told stories of their adventures, he knew Blair's healing had begun.
The end.