Standard Disclaimer: These folks ain't mine. They belong to that wonderful trio from Trilogy. No infringement is intended on their copyright.

In the Arms of Friends
by Reets
2 of ?

Spend all your time waiting, for that second chance. For a break that would make it okay. There's always some reason, to feel not good enough. And it's hard at the end of the day. I need some distraction, oh a beautiful release. Memories seep from my veins. They might be empty, oh weightless and maybe I'll find some peace tonight.

In the arms of the angels, far away from here. From this dark, cold hotel room and the endless looks that your fear. You were pulled from the wreckage, of your silent rivalry. You're in the arms of the angel, may you find some comforting.

Angel--Sarah McLachlan

Derek gently swept the lock of hair from Nick's eyes. It was still hard to believe that it was true, Nick was here, alive and recovering. The words kept leaping back into his brain. 'How could you believe 'it' was me?'

Derek turned to see the nurse standing at the foot of Nick's bed. "He's beautiful, I see why you love him."

"It's not his looks, it's what's inside that matters to me. What if he has changed, different now? What will happen?"

"I don't know, you'll have to find your way back to each other."

"He wanted to know why I didn't come for him, why I took so long to save him."

"It's easier for him to believe that it was possible. He loves you and he needs you now."

Derek sat down on the edge of the bed and Nick turned on his side toward him. "I can't lose him now, not after all this...not after all we're gone through."

"Have faith Derek, in him and in yourself. You should rest, he'll need your strength."

Derek slept on the edge of the bed, just waiting for Nick to move, cry out, or ask for him. He was not disappointed when the screaming began around 4am. A nurse, unsuspecting as she was, sought to draw blood and take Nick's temp. How was she to know that he would have such a violent reaction? He clipped her on the jaw and was heading out of the bed when Derek caught his arm and pinned him down.

"Let me go!" Nick was screaming at the top of his lungs.

'Nick, wait a minute. It's me, Derek, calm down love, no one's going to hurt you."

Nick released the grip on his arm and shoulder and took a deep breath. Several nurses and a doctor were there already, seeing what was wrong. Derek ushered them all out and went back to Nick's trembling form.

"It's okay babe, I've got you. Come on, back in bed."

Nick allowed the older man to help him, but refused to let go when Derek pulled back. "Don't leave me, please."

"Never my love, never." Derek watched as Nick scooted over and reached for him. He hesitated, but only for a second, the next instant he was beside the frightened young man, snuggling down with him. "Is this okay?"

"Yes, just hold me, please."

Derek kissed his neck and pulled him as close as possible. "Forever my love, forever."

The next morning Nick was awake and ready to leave. Philip brought him a set of clothes and tried to talk to him, but Nick refused to even see him.

"Listen, this has been hard, we don't even know exactly what's happened. Just give him some time, please." Derek pleaded and tried to explain Nick's aversion to his company but it only upset the ex-priest more.

"He blames me for this, I'm sure. Everything." Derek's silence was enough of an answer. "Fine, take care of him. When he's better, tell him I love him."

"Where are you going?"

"I don't know, but not home, not right now."

*********************************

Philip was out of the hospital as quick as he could be. The last thing he wanted was to make more trouble with Nick and Derek.

He walked for a long time, until the air began to chill and he found himself at the Park that he and Vince had visited the night before. The water was calm, but small waves still broke the silence as he stared out

over the dark water. A few cars pulled up and couples necked and giggled in the back seat. Not seeming to notice the longhaired ex-priest sitting under a tree near the shore. Time passed quickly and the wind off the lake grew cold. A cop car came by and Philip was asked to leave the park. He made his way back to the hotel and grabbed his suitcase, checked his wallet and found a little money, but not enough to sustain him for any extended period. A trip to the teller was in order. It was nearly dawn, so he stretched out on the bed and slept for an hour. When the light hit his face, he was up and out the door. He swapped his suitcase for a duffel bag and headed for the teller machine. It was risky carrying around large sums of money, so he decided on a couple of hundred. When he went to put it in his wallet a card fell out. He knew what it was the moment it fell and he considered leaving it there. Instead he picked it up and found a telephone booth. He dialed the number and punched in the number he found under the grime on the phone its self.

"And I'd give up forever to touch you. You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be and I don't want to go home right now." A car parked close had the radio blaring and Philip listened to the song as the phone began ringing. "And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming. Oh, the moment the truth in your lies. When everything feels like the movies, yeah you bleed just to know you're alive. And I don't want the world to see me, cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am."

He pulled the door closed and picked up the phone. "'ello." A warm feeling swept through him as Vince shouted 'hi' into the phone. "Yes, I called. Where are you? Really? I'm on 5th and Clover and I need a ride." He grinned. "To San Francisco, it's where I live, at least for now."

'I don't want the world to see me, cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am.'

Philip slung his bag on his shoulder and walked passed the two young men in the car. They just glared at him and took off. 'I just want you to know who I am.' "Have to find that out myself first."

It took Vince exactly seventeen minutes to navigate traffic in the direction of fifth and Clover. He pulled over when he saw the object of his attention, leaning against a large billboard. It was an advertisement for a rock group's new album. 'If God would send his angels.' Perhaps he had. Vince leaned over and winked at

Philip. "Need a ride, padre?"

"I'm usually a little more leery of handsome strangers, but exceptions can be made." Philip walked toward the open door and hoped inside.

"Can they now?

"Yes, in your case. You're not handsome." Philip tried to keep a straight face, but Vince's laughter boomed from his chest. He liked the sound of it and joined in.

*************************************************

"I'm sorry that I hurt Philip's feelings, but I just don't want to have to deal with those memories right now. Do you understand?"

"Yes, I understand and I'm sure Philip does as well. All that's important right now is getting you up and out of here. The doctor says that once you can use that ankle a little, he'll release you."

Nick made an awful face as he stepped down on his sore foot, but it didn't stop him. He took several unaided steps before he reached out for Derek. "What about the tests, the blood tests."

"Well, the HIV test on Zack was negative and you're testing negative right now. As far as the blood disease, no signs of it. Zack however would have been dead within two months. He was not in good shape inside."

"Guess you wonder how he overpowered me, is that it?"

"What?" Derek sat him down on the bed. "What are you talking about Nick?"

"How he could take advantage of me."

"Do you want to talk about that right now?"

"NO!"

"Then we won't." He studied the angry young man for a long moment before sitting down beside him. "Nick, do you believe that I love you?"

"What?"

"In your heart, do you believe that I love you?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Do you love me?"

"Are you questioning that I do?"

"No, just answer the question."

Nick stared at him, trying to determine what game Derek was playing. "Yes, I love you, more than you'll ever know."

"And I love you, a lot more than you believe." The kiss was quick, but hard and Nick's eyes filled with tears when they parted. "Let's concentrate on that, everything else, all that's happened to you and to me and to 'us', will all fall into place. Everything will be all right, you'll see." He allowed Derek to pull him close and he closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around the older man. It was all he wanted, all he could ever hope for and all he had dreamed of for those long months. To be in Derek's arms again, this time forever.

****

The stoplight was long and Philip grew restless. "You want to talk about it?"

"No, just drive." He glanced over at the man behind the wheel and received a warm smile, despite his curt statement. "Please."

"Anything you say, padre."

The light changed and they headed south. "Did you have plans? A job or something waiting, I don't want to keep you."

"Nothing special. I was thinking of coming out to San Francisco anyway. Now I got a good excuse."

"As good as any, I suppose."

Vince went silent, but watched his companion closely. "Any certain amount of time you want to spend, getting to California?"

"Wha' do you mean?"

"In a hurry?" Philip shook his head. "Okay, we'll swing through Richmond, hit 85 south."

"You're driving."

"And you're comfortable with that?"

"Yeah, shouldn't I be?"

"Sure, but you were warned to be 'careful'."

Derek's worried expression flashed in his mind, but he closed his eyes and forced it away. "Don't you ever shut up?"

"Sure I do. Just curious."

"Well you know what they say about that. So drive, to Richmond."

"Sure, Philip, wherever you want."

The day stretched on and the miles flew by, Richmond came and went and Atlanta approached. Vince yawned and steered off the interstate. "I've got to get some sleep."

"Sure, no problem."

"Will be, if we don't stop."

"So stop, I'll pay for a room."

Vince let Philip pay and get the key to a motel room. It wasn't the plaza or even Ramada, but it was clean. He lugged his bag from the truck and locked the door. He followed Philip into the small room and heard Philip swear. "They screwed up."

Vince pushed past the priest and plopped down on the large bed. "What did you ask for?"

"Double beds of course."

"They must have thought you said, double bed. I'll see what I can do."

Philip curled up on the bed and waited for his friend. "Sorry, Father. No good, some convention in town, this is the only room available."

"Figures, where's the couch?"

"What couch?"

"Oh, Lord." Vince sat down beside him on the bed.

"I won't bite, Philip, I promise." Philip removed his arm from across his eyes. "Okay?"

"No, it's not okay." The tears started before he could stop them, but when Vince reached out, he jumped up and headed for the small bathroom. The only thing that went through his mind, he should be with Derek, not here with this stranger. He belonged with Derek, to Derek and Derek to him, with him.

He cried for a long time before feeling enough in control to head out into the small bedroom. Vince was in the bed, sleeping. Philip took a deep breath and sat down in the small chair. Sleep had eluded him until then, but his eyelids grew heavy and he soon fell asleep.

The darkness surrounded him and began to close in, the surge in his heart made his mind jump, and he awoke disoriented and confused. He glanced around the small room. Vince lay sleeping in the bed beside his chair. He stretched and tried to will the pain from his back. The other man stirred as he sat down. "Hey, giving it up and coming to bed?"

"No, but I can't sleep there, my back is killing me."

"Come on." Vince held back the sheet, revealing that he was wearing his shorts. "I'm dressed and I'm too tired to bite."

"I can't Vince, I just can't."

"Are you scared? Is that it?" A nod and Vince let out a long sigh.

"Of me, or being with me?"

"A little of both, I suppose." He got behind Philip and began rubbing his shoulders.

"Not there."

"Where?"

"Lower, my lower back is hurtin', from the chair."

"Lie down." Vince smiled as Philip stretched out on the bed on his stomach. He tugged the T-shirt over the reluctant man's head and tossed it aside.

Philip gasped as the cool fingers dug into his spine and began a rough massage. Try as he might not to, he enjoyed it. He forced his body to relax as the strong fingers danced down his spine and unknoted his lower back muscles. As he got closer to Philip's ass, his whole body began to tense. But Vince simply worked the

muscles, relaxing his body and then his mind. His body responded to the coaxing but he forced his face into a pillow and tried not to think about it. Soon small cooing noises started escaping his lips as he fought for control.

"Feel good?"

"Yes, too good."

"Can't feel too good, nothing can feel too good." Philip pulled away and nodded his thanks.

"Nite." He curled on his side and forced his eyes closed. He calmed when Vince settled down and began breathing evenly.

Some time later that morning he smelled coffee, rich and strong. He opened his eyes to find two warm brown ones, staring back at him. "Mornin'."

"Morning, sleepy head. Coffee?"

"Yes, please." Philip began to get up, but realized that he had a very massive, painful erection. He stopped and pulled a pillow down over his lower half.

"Happens to everyone padre, no big deal." Vince made himself scarce as Philip relieved his bladder and regained his composure.

"I'm sorry, I'm not use to being this close to someone. Especially someone I barely know."

"What about Derek?"

"What about him?"

"Didn't you spend nights with him? Or am I getting the wrong picture here?"

"No," Philip took the coffee and sipped it. "We were together, once, sexually. Spent some nights together, but the intimacy, just wasn't there. He was in love with Nick, even after we thought he was dead."

"Man, that had to be rough. Knowing the man you're sleeping with is pinning for someone else."

"I wouldn't say pinning," Philip thought for a moment. "Well, yeah okay, pining." He laughed then a full healthy laugh that kept back the tears. He set the coffee down and stretched out on the bed.

Vince watched and wanted desperately to climb up there and push that beautiful body to the bed and love the pain away. But he knew he wouldn't be allowed.

"So, he's back with Nick now. Right?"

Philip sat up as Vince sat down near him. "Yeah, he'll be takin' him home soon. I just didn't want to be there. Nick blames me for so much as it is."

"What did you do to him?" Philip thought long about the answer to that question, but the answer wasn't simple.

"I loved him."

"What about Derek? Did you love him?"

"Yes, I have for a very long time. But I slept with Nick, knowning that he loved Derek. It wasn't right."

Vince was close now and Philip was beginning to feel trapped. An arm came across his lap and Vince leaned toward him. "Bad timing."

"Ya could say that." His lips trembled. Vince was so close now; he could smell the coffee on his breath, the sweat of his body and the arousal of his loins.

"What about now?"

Philip was watching his mouth, wishing to taste it, but..."What?"

"Now, is it bad timing?"

The soft mouth brushed his lightly and he pulled away. "Don't."

"I'm sorry. I thought it would help with the tension."

Philip grabbed his hand to stop the shaking brought on by his attraction. "What tension? I don't feel any tension." Philip was up and checking his bag for clean clothes when Vince stepped up behind him.

"No tension huh?"

"No, none." Vince spun him around and leaned close.

"Nothing?"

Philip closed his eyes as he felt his body begin to respond. But he shook his head. There was no mistaking the hardness that rubbed against his own. "Please, don't."

Vince let go and Philip scrambled away from him. "Maybe I was wrong, I thought there was something there. I'll get the truck ready, check us out."

"I think I need a shower."

"Yeah, probably a good idea."

"Thanks, I won't be long." Philip grabbed his bag and started into the bathroom.

"I want you to know, I'll never do anything like that again. You don't feel anything for me, I understand that. Guess I just wanted to know for sure. I've kinda had this crush on you since Ireland." He smiled and blushed, looking away. "Stupid I know, I knew you were a priest, but I couldn't help being attracted to you. I guess what I'm trying to say is, you don't have anything to worry about. I'm not going to attack you or anything. You're safe, just thought you'd want to know that."

"Thank you, Vince." Philip went into the small bathroom and shut the door. He didn't want to admit his feelings and soon he'd be back to the Legacy and his conflict/love of Derek and Nick. It was their time now, they needed the support. It wasn't time for him to be exploring his sexuality or feelings. It just wasn't.

After a long cold shower Philip dressed casually and found Vince waiting for him outside. "Just pull the door closed, it will lock automatically." Once he did that Vince grinned. "You ready?"

"Sure, where to today."

"Thought you wanted to head to California?"

"Yeah, but we won't get there in a few hours, so where should we visit?"

"Did you call Derek, let him know where you are?" Philip dropped his bag in the back and shut the tailgate window. "Philip?"

"No, it doesn't matter."

"Yeah, right. You'll let it go a few days, he'll call, and you won't answer. Then you'll start feeling guilty that you didn't call and made him worry, then..."

"All right. Be quiet. I'll call." He pulled out his cell phone and dialed the number.

\\Derek Rayne.\\

"Derek, it's Philip."

\\Where are you? We're almost ready to leave, I was worried.\\

"I'll be in California in a few weeks, there's somethin' I have to do."

\\You're not coming back with us?\\

"No, go on without me."

\\I don't like this, Philip. Are you still with that guy?\\

"Vince, yes. He's going to bring me home."

\\When?\\

"When I've thought some things through. Tell Nick...nevermind; just take care of each other. Bye."

He clicked the phone shut and shoved it in his pocket. "Let's get out of here."

*************

"Was that Philip?"

"Yeah, he's not coming back with us on the plane. He'll come back his own way." Derek put the phone in his pocket and turned back to Nick. He smiled and handed the younger man his crutches and watched him stand up. "It's good to see you on your feet again."

Nick closed his eyes as Derek kissed his forehead. "Yeah, good to be standing again."

"The nurse said that Dr., Bridgers wanted to see you again, one more time before you left."

"Can we go on down there? I hate waiting."

"Sure, I'll call the nurse."

Derek made the arrangements and took Nick down to see the counselor.

"Nick." The balding man grabbed Nick's extended hand and shook it. "We'll be just a few minutes Derek, have a seat."

Ted Bridgers pushed the door closed and took Nick's crutches as he sat down. "So, you ready to face the world?"

"Not really, but I get to go home, that's the good thing."

"Good, well I wanted to chat a little more about your feelings, what happened and some follow up I want you to do."

"Sure, doc."

"It's important that you talk to Derek, tell him everything you're feeling. Disgusted, cheap, angry, hateful, regret, guilt." This brought Nick's eyes up. "It's normal to feel guilty after something like this, you think you didn't do enough to stop it, or..."

"I didn't. I wanted out. I put myself in that position to get 'raped'," The tears stung his cheeks and he wiped them away. "And I did."

"Nick, this man took advantage of you, forced himself on you. In any situation, that is rape, pure and simple. It doesn't really matter if you gave in to it to live or felt you had to do this to get out. It wasn't

right Nick and it wasn't your fault."

Nick just nodded and kept rocking back and forth. "How could Derek love me after this? I'm used goods."

"Nick, I know you're had a lot of girl friends and a lot of just female friends. Would you think it was their fault, if they were in your situation? Would you love them less?" Nick jumped up and hobbled around to the window.

"Course not, but it didn't happen to them, it happened to me."

"Yes and you have to find a way to forgive yourself, stop the guilt and go on with life." Ted touched him lightly on the shoulder and Nick almost jumped out of his skin, he left the hand there a moment, then pulled back. "You'll get your bearings back, Nick. You will know whom you can trust and whom you should be weary of. But it will take time." Nick nodded and almost grinned. "Now, let me talk to that handsome partner of yours for a moment and I'll give my okay for you to go home. There's a doctor in San Francisco that I want you to see; he's been dealing a lot with rape cases, especially among men. He's young and has some fresh approaches. I think you two will hit it off."

"Thanks," Nick took the card and put it in his pocket. He picked up the crutches and headed for the door. "I'll send Derek in."

"Nick," Nick turned back. "Communication is the key, in any relationship. Talk to Derek when you get home."

"I will, thanks."

Derek closed the door behind him and sat down in one of the comfortable chairs in front of Dr. Bridgers' desk. "He's very strong and a bit hard headed."

"Ya, he is. That must have been what kept him alive all those months."

"Let's just be glad that the assault was limited to this one time. Long term abuse would have been very bad. Has he said anything to you yet, about the incident?"

"Not yet, but once we're home and life begins to resemble something closer to normal, I'm sure he will."

"I know you understand the delicacy in which you must handle him right now. No advances, sexually or even with the relationship. Don't push him, let him open up, come to you."

"I understand."

"I'm not saying wait forever Derek, just give him time to adjust to being home. It'll be hard at first, very hard, but your both strong and I believe that you love each other very much. I think it'll work out in the end."

Derek rose then, "Is there someone you've asked him to see?"

"Yes, a friend of mine in that area. Nick has the card. I'll be checking upon him, if he doesn't see the Doctor, then we'll have to look into other methods of dealing with this."

"I'm sure we'll handle it, thank you."

"Good luck."

Derek met Nick in the hallway. "Ready to go home?"

"Thought you'd never ask."