Mortal Hearts
By Juli
December 1998
Part 9/9
For disclaimer and warnings, see Part 1.
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Lub dub......Lub dub......Lub dub.
Nick Boyle sighed contentedly as the beloved cadence of Derek's heartbeat slowly made its way into his awareness. Resisting awakening, the young man snuggled closer into the warm body holding him and was rewarded by being embraced even more securely. In his previous relationships, Nick had been used to be the physically dominant one (even in his current semi-conscious state, the ex-SEAL refused to call what he'd endured with Richter a "relationship") and it had been hard for him to accept that his lover was bigger than him. That uneasiness had lasted right up until the point that the American had discovered that a taller lover made for an excellent body pillow and mattress. Ever since that revelation, falling asleep on his lover's chest had developed into a favorite pastime and Derek's heartbeat had become Nick's preferred lullaby.
Yet, even as sleep beckoned, the young man knew something wasn't quite right. Winding over and under the sound of his lover's heartbeat was another noise--one not as welcome. More than half asleep, it took a few moments of fuzzy thinking before he could identify the sound. An airplane? He could have swore that Derek said they weren't going back to San Francisco right after the conference.
The ex-SEAL sighed and wriggled a bit--he really *did* want to sleep, but his brain just wasn't cooperating. As he stretched, the fabric covering him slid across his bare skin, raising goose bumps as it went. Wait a minute, bare skin? On an airplane? Nick's eyes popped open.
"Derek?"
A large hand came up to cup the back of his head. "Hey there, sleepyhead."
Nick looked around the cabin of the Legacy jet. It was relatively dark, so the young man surmised that it must be night. In the dim light, he could just make out the forms of people sleeping in other seats. Rachel. Alex. Philip. Oddly enough, the other three were well back in the plane, leaving the area where he was with Derek curiously isolated.
"Derek? What's going on?"
The Precept's hand started stroking Nick's hair. As much as Nick loved the attention, he was a bit too confused to appreciate it and started to struggle into a sitting position. Derek immediately brought his arm around Nick's back to support him, but the older man also effectively kept his lover pinned on his lap. Nick tilted his head back to look into the Dutchman's face. What he saw there immediately froze his movements. When had Derek gotten so haggard looking?
Derek saw the emotions run across Nick's face: bewilderment at waking and not knowing where he was; anger at being held down; and, finally, concern when he saw how care-worn the older man was. Enough. He'd hoped to allow Nick more time to recover before discussing the Sidhe, but saw now that it was more important to relieve the young man's confusion.
"Nick," Derek asked in a gentle voice, "what's the last thing you remember?"
"We were at the conference, right?" At seeing the confirmation on Derek's face, Nick grew more confident and began thinking out loud. "Okay, then we went to that small town, Glasmonadh. But something wasn't right there.......oh my God, the Sidhe!" Memory flooded back.
"Slow down, Nick, it's all right." It was hard to tell who was more upset, the Precept or the ex-SEAL. Derek clasped Nick firmly to him, letting his arms provide the comfort that Nick needed. "You're safe here." Both men waited until tranquility was restored.
"How much do you remember about them?" Neither man needed to elaborate on exactly who Derek meant by "them."
"Not much, just vague impressions. The last thing I clearly remember is the cottage and thinking that you should be back......." The young man broke off as his words caused his lover to shudder. "Derek, what's wrong?"
"I'm sorry, Nick. So sorry!"
"For what?"
"This was my fault. Every bit of it!"
"What are you talking about?" Nick couldn't remember much about his encounter with the Sidhe, but he was sure that the Dutchman wasn't to blame.
For the next several minutes, Derek listed each and every of his perceived mistakes that had led to Nick's acquisition by the Sidhe. Sensing that the older man needed to unburden himself, the ex-SEAL decided to let his lover ramble. Finally, the Precept's words fumbled to a stop.
"Are you done?" At Nick's question, Derek glumly nodded and fell silent. He knew the American was quick to judge--and even quicker to anger. It didn't matter. The Dutchman felt he'd screwed this whole mess up badly. He'd deserve any blistering comment the ex-SEAL made. He only hoped that Nick wouldn't leave him. God knew he deserved it, but he didn't know if he'd ever recover......
Nick felt an odd sense of elation. Derek had done so much for him in the two months they'd been together--always reassuring him, telling him how great he was, and generally bolstering his self-esteem. It was a distinct relief to *finally* be able to do the same for the older man.
"Derek," The Dutchman thought he'd never heard Nick's voice be so gentle. "Hey, look at me." Derek did and found, to his great surprise, that Nick was smiling at him.
"When you heard about the fairy ring at Glasmonadh, did you know that the Sidhe would be hunting?"
"No......"
"When you suggested we split up, did you know either of us would be in danger?"
"No."
"When you were doing your research in the library, did you see it as an opportunity to get rid of me?"
"No!" Derek's denials were becoming more vehement.
"When you were confronted by the village people," At this point Nick grinned, letting Derek know that the pun was intended, "Did you say 'What the hell, stud that I am, I can always get another boyfriend. Let's go to the pub and down a few pints'?"
"Nick." The warning tone in Derek's growl alerted the ex-SEAL that he may have gone too far.
"Cut yourself some slack, Derek! Look, hindsight's 20/20. If you'd known what was gonna happen, you would have done things differently. But you didn't--so you couldn't. As far as I can tell, if you want to spread blame around, start with the fine citizens of Glasmonadh." Nick's voice became more serious as he reached the heart of the matter. "You came for me, Derek. Remember *that.* You saved me, that's what important."
Derek wasn't inclined to forgive himself so easily. "But I never even told you I loved you."
Nick looked at his lover in surprise--where the hell did *that* little tidbit come from? "'Scuse me?"
Derek turned away from Nick's intense gaze. "That last day. I never told you I loved you."
Nick relaxed back into Derek's arms, resting his head on his lover's chest. "Sure you did."
R minded anew just how close he'd come to losing this young man forever, the Precept rubbed his cheek across the top of Nick's head, reveling in its silky caress. "Trust me, Nick. I re-lived that day over and over again while you were...gone. I didn't say it, love. Not that day. I'm so sorry."
"Yes, you did."
"No, Nick, I didn't." He'd let the young man forgive him for being taken by the Sidhe, but he'd be damned if he'd allow Nick to let this particular sin slide.
"Yes, Derek, you did." Nick sat up in Derek's lap and placed his hand on the Dutchman's chest--right at the heart. "You said it by sleeping in the wet spot after we made love. You said it that morning by making me wear a sweater when we hiked out to the fairy ring. You said it again when you ordered breakfast for me without even needing to ask if I was hungry. And your eyes said it *again* when you told me you knew why the locals were ogling me"
Nick reached up and kissed away the tears that were falling from Derek's eyes. "Don't get me wrong, Rayne, the words are nice. Better than nice! And if you *ever* stop saying them, I'm gonna be pissed. But there's more than one way to say 'I love you.'"
Derek was incapable of speech. When had this brash young man become so much wiser than him?
"I love you," the Dutchman's voice was cracked with emotion.
"Damn straight you do!" With a blissful sigh, Nick settled back down on Derek's chest.
And let his lover's heart sing "I love you" to him all the way back to San Francisco.
finis
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Author's notes:
1. Scotland
Although it's #1 on my list of places I want to visit, I've never been
to Scotland. Yeah, I know, you probably figured that out from my
pathetic attempts at writing Scottish accents! :^) I did find some
resources to help me out, most notably Geddes MacGregor's Scotland: An
Intimate Portrait. Still, I'm sure inaccuracies abound. If any
native Scots are reading this, please know that any mistakes come from
lack of knowledge and not lack of respect.
I made up the town of Glasmonadh. If there's a real Glasmonadh in
Scotland, I apologize for any confusion.
Ferlie = Scottish word indicating any sort of wonder or mysterious
happening.
(Got that from the MacGregor book. Great word, huh? I think it'd
make a terrific name for a cat.)
2. Dutch
Similarly, I probably wouldn't recognize the spoken Dutch language if
Derek came up and whispered sweet nothings in my ear. (Wouldn't I
like to try, though! <g>) The translations used in the last part of
this story come a translation website called InterTran. If you're
interested, the addy is: http://www.tranexp.com/InterTran.cgi.
In case it drove you nuts, here are the phrases I used (hopefully
correctly):
Mijn hartje = My heart
Danken godheid = Thank God
U zitten vertrouwd wel = You are safe now
Verrichten niet vertrek mij weer = Do not leave me again
Mij min u = I love you
3. Thanks to everyone who offered to nag me if I didn't meet my
self-imposed deadline on finishing this. Your enthusiasm was the
extra kick in the butt I needed to get it done.
4. Comments and constructive criticism are welcome at
challisgal@yahoo.com
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