THE OLD QUEEN: A very large ROYAL grandmother who, although dying, is not going quietly into the dark night. She is not to be crossed and not to be argued with. She resembles an Elizabeth Taylor look-a-like that's been drowned for a week or three. Don't step on her winkle-pickers.

STEVE MAJORS: He's a young(ish) guy who's trying to find the Aliens that were responsible for his elder brother going off the rails some years ago and winding up as a bottomless go-go dancer in Vegas. Steve is a very serious young man who very rarely sees the funny side of anything, including himself. No offense to Mormons, but he'd fit right into their missionary 'look'.

LORD DE LORDY: First cousin to the Old Queen and next in like (he hopes) for the Royal Deck Chair. He's overfed, overweight, overdressed and oversexed. He flatters himself that he is a cross between Errol Flynn and Victoria Principal, hence the pencil moustache plus thighboots over his fishnets.

GENERAL RIFF RAFF: A bad tempered, mean spirited opportunist, who is also the unknown (but suspected) killer of his own sister and the Old Queen's only begotten son, the late Frank 'N' Furter.

RAY AMMBO: Head of a U.S. Agency which investigates UFO and extraterrestrial activity on Earth. He's really into expensive designer suits, ties, shoes and aftershave in a big way. He is also the possible father of Sonny.

SONNY AMMBO: Sonny is an outrageous, smart, good-looking, charming teenager. He is completely without morals or compassion. Everybody adores him and he sees no reason why he should be any different.

JUDITH BRANKMIRE: Judy is a beautiful, rather over-endowed young woman who is looking for Mister Right. Luckily for her and us, she meets him in the shape of Lord De Lordy. She's fun, she's smart, she's a honey-pot.

JANET WEISS: She's around 35 or so, but looks at least 50. She drinks, smokes, dyes her hair, hooks and watches television, probably all at the same time, she's a mess and she's also possibly Sonny's real mother.

MARY LOU: Ray's bright-eyed, longhaired, glossy-lipped, short- skirted secretary. Like Ray, she is also from the South. She ain't smart, but she sure is purty.

VARIOUS TRANNIES: Subjects of the Old Queen.

VARIOUS EARTHLINGS: Hotel staff, guests, diner workers and customers, etc.

We see the PLANET EARTH.
We travel through the MILKY WAY.
We pass the outer and well known PLANETS.
We hit DEEP SPACE.
We approach an unknown PLANET which has no sun, only a moon.
We skim its surface. It's quite gothic, natural formations appear to resemble tomb-stones.
We follow a coast-line, the shore is black, the sea also.
We enter a CAVERN and travel along TWISTING TUNNELS.
We pass through OPULENT but FUNEREAL SALONS.
All images hint of sex and death.
We travel along ANOTHER CORRIDOR and finally stop before a GOTHIC-ARCHED DOOR.

> The song ends.

We then CROSS FADE back to our first image of the PLANET EARTH. This time however it looks REAL, and in a blur of speed we repeat the journey we've just made, only this time it all looks very real. This will be underscored with both sounds and music which will, relate to, and round-off, SONNY's song.

CLAYMATION GROUP first time around, TRANSYLVANIANS second time.

STAY VAIN IN TRANSYLVANIA
STAY SANE IN TRANSYLVANIA
REMAIN IN TRANSYLVANIA
IT'S TIME AND MONEY WELL SPENT
YOU ONLY LOSE RESENTMENT
AND SOON CONTENTMENT COULD BE YOURS
ON THE SANDS OF THE MOON DRENCHED SHORES OF TRANSYLVANIA.

LET ME SING FOR YOU THE SONG OF THE SIRENS
IT'S NOT UNKNOWN TO MAKE A GROWN MAN CRY
WHY DON'T WE SWING IT WITH THE MYRAS AND THE MYRONS
WHOAH MAN LIKE ONAN YOU'LL BE HOME AND DRY.

SO IF YOU'RE CHASING AN UNCHASTE DISGRACE
AN ANGEL FACE THAT'S ENCASED IN LACE
WELL OUT IN SPACE THERE'S THE PERFECT PLACE TO FAN YOUR MANIA
COME AND SEE WHAT THE GLOOM ADORES
HERE WITH ME ON THE MOON DRENCHED SHORES OF TRANSYLVANIA.

It swings open and we enter the dark room beyond.

1. INT. RIFF RAFF'S CHAMBERS. ETERNAL NIGHT.

This is another of those strange, funeral decors. Again, natural rock suggests imprisoned monsters of Hell and sumptuous drapes suggest an evil decadence. RIFF RAFF is before a coffin and he runs his hands over it in a sensual manner.

RIFF RAFF

Oh why, oh why did you make me
kill the only thing I ever loved
in my entire life, you??? You
drove me mad with jealousy, cut me
to the quick with your
shamelessness, how could you even
look at another, when I was all
you ever needed? And such a
miserable excuse for a life-form
as De Lordy as well. Oh Magenta,
my beloved sister, flesh of my
flesh, delight of my life, forgive
me you bitch.

RIFF RAFF

It'll be different this time my
darling, I've changed, I'm not
like I used to be, I'm fun, we'll
have lots of fun together, you'll
see, it'll be just like it was
right at the beginning, when we
were children, we can play doctors
and nurses. Oh my love, my
angel, you know what I want, don't
you? Yes, yes, I do and now, now ...

RIFF RAFF

And what, the expletive very much
included, fuck do you want?

SMALL PERSON

My apologies General Riff Raff,
but the Old Queen requires your
presence immediately.

The Old Queen???

Yes, General, the Big Furter herself.

RIFF RAFF

Now see what you made me do!!!
I'm sorry, my darling, but I'll hurry right back and make it up to you.

General, the Old Queen is waiting.

RIFF RAFF

Yes, yes I know the Old Queen's waiting, you told me and I'm coming, all right?

RIFF RAFF

Right now

2. INT. THE OUTER OFFICE OF RAY AMMBO. WASHINGTON D.C. DAY.

We see STEVE MAJORS coming along the outer corridor and swing into MARY LOU's secretarial office. As we do so, we hear STEVE's thoughts in VOICE OVER.

STEVE (V.O.)

It all began for me the day that I heard a song on the radio about the moon drenched shores of Transylvania and things started to fall into place. So I headed on over to my Chief's office in order that I might tell him of my suspicions and about a plan I'd come up with which might put a smile on his face, after all, he was the big banana and with luck I thought that I might be able to pull it off.

STEVE

Is the Chief in?

He is, but he's real busy right now.

This is too important to wait.

MARY LOU

Hey! You can't go in there.

Now RAY's office is a real sight. It is full of erotica in all forms, paintings, bronzes, books, etc., and on the huge T.V. screen there is a fairly explicit strip act playing and what's even worse (yes, it gets worse) the STRIPPER appears to have an extra something that doesn't belong to the female form.
RAY is bent over his desk doing something with a rolled up dollar bill and some white powder. As the door opens he stands up real quick, the dollar still stuck in his nostril. The mound of powder, which is huge, goes everywhere.
RAY is dressed that very baggy, expensive Italian designer look. He's in his forties and is given to wearing his hair in a pony tail.

RAY

Who in the Hell are you?

Agent Steve Majors, Chief, I have to talk to you.

Not now, Agent Majors, I've got a terrible headache, the only thing that cures it is this ... ah ... C17 H21 O4 N ... I's pretty hard to get and costs a fortune.

RAY

I don't know what's gone wrong with afternoon television these days, can't get the script writers I expect.

I want to talk to you about that song that's being played everywhere, Chief, The Moon Drenched Shores of Transylvania.

RAY

Why didn't you say so, Agent Majors? Hell, let me call you Steve, you did say Steve, didn't you? ... Mary Lou, why don't you go pour us a drink each and while you're at it, see if you can rustle me up some more of my headache powder ... it's a great song that song, Steve ...

LET ME TAKE YOU TO A PLACE OF SEDUCTION...
Hell I knew it was going to be a hit the first time I heard it. I said, "Sonny, that one's gonna make it all the way to the number one slot", and boy, was I right.

You mean you know the singer personally, Chief?

Know him??? I should say I do. Why I've known him all his life. He's my boy.

We hear the double beat of a bass drum, like a heartbeat and CUT TO

3. EXT. A STREET IN DOWN TOWN WASHINGTON. DAY.

We see SONNY for the first time. He looks a treat. He has high-heel shoes and fishnet stockings on. On top he wears a leather jacket. His face is heavily and beautifully made up. He trucks down the street without a care in the world. He is without shame or embarrassment.

We CUT BACK TO

4. INT. RAY'S OFFICE. WASHINGTON D.C. DAY.

RAY

Yes sir, I sure am proud of that boy of mine, he's never given me one day's trouble in his life.

STEVE

Yes, I'm sure he's a wonderful son, Chief ... I'm just a little surprised that he's singing a song like that.

Why??? What's wrong with it??? Are you some kind of music critic or something??? I hope I didn't get you wrong, boy.

Ah no ... It's just that, well, as Chief of this Agency and as ah ... this agency ... is set up to investigate Aliens and U.F.O. activity ... well I thought you should know that what Sonny, your boy, is singing about, is true.

RAY

I think you'd better explain yourself, Agent Majors, and I also think that it better be good.

Have you heard of this film, Chief? It's called...

The Rocky Horror Show .. Of course I've heard of it. My boy, Sonny, loves it, he used to go all the time.

So did a lot of other kids, Chief. They still do, but what they don't know is that it's a true story ...
There are aliens amongst us, they call themselves Trannies and all they want is for us to become slaves to sensation.

By the time he's finished it, he's probably made love to a few bystanders, beaten up the odd red-neck and wound up in the window of a lingerie shop with a couple of cops and several teenaged girls.

We CUT TO

6. INT. RAY'S OFFICE. WASHINGTON D.C. DAY.

RAY

I've been Chief of this agency for more years than I care to remember, Agent Majors and I've never seen a U.F.O. or an Alien that didn't turn out to be something quite normal and understandable. And, another thing, do you really think for one minute that monsters from outer space could ever corrupt the people of this great nation? Do you think that the young people would be weak enough, foolish enough, to be taken in by a proselytizing extraterrestrial with a mouth full of sweet talk and a dick that swings both ways?

STEVE attempts to say a few words to RAY.

STEVE

But ... I ...

Take my boy for example, he's a lovely boy

He surely is and that's the truth.

He's a rock star, making his way in an industry that's rife with temptation, but does he lack moral principles? No he does not and why? Because he knows right from wrong that's why. Sure, he dresses a little crazy, but he's young and in show business, and so what if he sings strange songs about other planets?
Sci Fi and Gothic horror are in, but, don't try and tell me that this Planet, this Transylvania really exists or I'm going to have to start calling for the men in white coats.

7. INT. A DIMLY LIT CORRIDOR. PLANET OF T.S. ETERNAL NIGHT.

The SMALL PERSON and RIFF snake along the corridor. We hear the sighs, moans and groans of unseen Transylvanians drowning in pleasure. RIFF covers his ears. We lose the sounds with his action and we hear now the thump of his heartbeat, followed by a dramatic drum fill. RIFF is nervous and unhappy.

We CUT TO

8. INT. RAY'S OFFICE. WASHINGTON D.C. DAY.

RAY

I'm well aware that there are a lot of people unable to dig themselves out of the shit that they've buried themselves into, but let's face it, there's riff raff everywhere these days.

TRANNIES/SMALL PERSON/GUARDS:

HE WAS BORN TO JOIN THE GENTRY

RIFF RAFF:

BORN TO HAVE THE HORN OF PLENTY

HE WAS BORN TO RULE NOT FOLLOW

THERE ARE THINGS I JUST CAN'T SWALLOW

BUT THE THING THAT REALLY MAKES HIM SICK

IS, I ALWAYS GET THE SHORT END OF THE STICK.

SOMEONE HAS TO LOSE
SO THAT SOMEONE ELSE CAN WIN
IT'S A CHRONIC TRAGICOMIC KIND OF TRICK
IF I HAD A BIT OF SENSE
I'D JUST SIT HERE ON THE FENCE
AND PRETEND TO BE AN EMPTY HEADED HICK
(BUT) I WAS BORN TO BE THE VICTIM
BORN A PAWN WITHOUT THE SYSTEM
THAT'S THE THING THAT MAKES ME SICK
YES, I ALWAYS GET THE SHORT END OF THE STICK.

We CUT TO

10. INT. RAY'S OFFICE. WASHINGTON D.C. DAY.

Same three people as before. We OPEN with a CLOSE UP on STEVE.

STEVE

But Chief! You've got to believe me ...

STEVE

... They've got a safe-house in a place called Fresno, over an electrical store, this time we're really on to them.

Oh really? How d'you come by this information, Agent Majors?

I was going through the files and I found a folder marked The Denton Affair, it made for really interesting reading, chief, and pencilled in the cover it said, Transylvanian Safe House, then it gave the address, and I've checked and it's still there.

The Denton Affair was a long time ago ... ah ... Steve, sure, the address in Fresno might check out, but Hell, anybody could be living there now.

Let me check it out, Chief.

What d'you think, Mary Lou? Should we let Steve here check Fresno out for monsters from outer space?

I don't know, Ray, it could be kind of dangerous.

RAY becomes mock serious for a moment.

RAY

All right, Agent Majors, it's just possible that this could be the big break that we've been waiting for. I'm going to put a priority code on this one ...

RAY

... It's Ray Ammbo here, Head of the Bureau of Investigation into U.F.O's and all other related subjects. I want to be put straight through to Camp David, and I mean now.

RAY

Hello David, send me an Agency car round to the front of the building, and make it the best.

We CUT TO

11. INT. THE ANTE CHAMBER. OLD QUEEN'S PALACE. ETERNAL NIGHT.

RIFF and the SMALL PERSON enter. A VERY TALL THIN SERVANT, also dressed in Transylvanian black, comes from the doorway that leads out to the moon drenched shore.

SMALL PERSON

General Riff Raff to see the Old Queen.

The TALL THIN SERVANT gives RIFF a haughty and disdainful look and sniffs in a snooty manner. RIFF returns his rudeness with an arrogant sneer.

The TALL THIN one exits into the Alien night that lies beyond the door.

We CUT TO

12. EXT. THE STREET. OUTSIDE H.Q. WASHINGTON. DAY.

RAY and MARY LOU are seeing STEVE off in the Company car which is heavily marked with tell tale Agency logos and give away identification.

STEVE

Shouldn't I fly?

What, and let them know that you're coming. How unprofessional can you get, Steve.

Sorry, Chief.

I'm going to get one of our top operators out on the coast to meet you there and give you all the help you need on this assignment, Steve.

I like to work on my own, Chief.

You'll follow orders, Agent Majors. Am I understood?

Yes, Chief.

Okay, Steve, good boy, and Steve, be careful, you hear? Don't trust anybody.

As the car moves out into the traffic and is some way away from them, SONNY walks into frame.

SONNY

Hi Pop, Hi Mary Lou.

Sonny ...

Who's the square in the car?

One of my finest agents, a real asshole. Let's go back to the office and party.

SONNY puts his arm around MARY LOU's waist.

SONNY

Sounds good to me.

Me too.

13. INT. THE ANTE CHAMBER. THE PALACE OF THE OLD QUEEN. ETERNAL NIGHT.

RIFF and the SMALL PERSON wait in a funereal silence. RIFF is fuming with impatience.

RIFF RAFF

How much longer is she going to keep me waiting? That's what I'd like to know.

We CUT TO

14. MONTAGE

A MONTAGE of SHOTS of STEVE's car hurtling through DAYS and NIGHTS, RAIN and SUNSHINE, PUNCTURES and TRAFFIC COPS, etc.

This of course gives us the passing of time.

We CUT BACK TO

13. INT. THE ANTE CHAMBER. THE PALACE OF THE OLD QUEEN. ETERNAL NIGHT.

It's the same as before, nothing has changed. The SMALL PERSON yawns.

We CUT TO

15. INT. STEVE'S CAR. (TRAVELLING SHOT). DAY.

STEVE's driving and trying to look cool. We see that he's even wearing those little leather driving gloves with the backs cut out of them, plus of course, those oh-so-important sun-glasses. Let's face it, he's a hunk and a half.

STEVE (V.O.)

The car was the tops and it had all the high tech engineering that those little yellow guys are famous for. Hell, I'm as American as the next guy but let's face it. I want a car that's compact, stylish and gives me big miles per gallon, plus all the optional extras, without putting a dent in my pocket.

STEVE

Hi, this is Agent Steve Majors on special assignment, I'm not here right now, but if you'd care to leave your name and number after the tone - I'll get right back to you -

He listens. It's his contact, one JUDITH BRANKMIRE.

JUDY (V.O.)

Hello, ah ... this is Agent Brankmire, I'm your contact in Fresno, listen Steve, it's Judith, Judy, Judy Brankmire? We went to school together back in Denton, way back when. I guess you won't remember me, I'm 5 to 6 feet tall with sandy, brown/blonde hair, about 110 pounds, well, I was then. I've picked up a few since then maybe, but it's not easy with this job, you tend to eat a lot of junk food ...

STEVE (V.O.)

Judy Brankmire? Judy Brankmire?? Maybe I did remember her, sexy little brunette, with a cute little pushed-up button nose, tight buns and a pair of tits you could die for, then again, maybe I didn't. I was about to let her know that the answer phone scam was an old security trick of mine, when I realised that maybe she wasn't who she claimed to be, so I just let her keep on talking, something she was pretty good at.

... anyway, Steve, the thing is, I've managed to get a short lease on the apartment you've been sent to check out ...

16. INT. EARTH. THE "SAFE HOUSE" APARTMENT. FRESNO. DAY.

JUDY sits on the sofa with the phone in her hand.

JUDY

... It's been unoccupied for so long that I managed to talk the servicing company into letting me take it for the month. No one's been near the place for years, it's like a time warp here. I'll wait for you here and see you later tonight some time, maybe we can catch up on old times, Steve ...

17. EXT. EARTH. CAR. DAY.

JUDY (V.O.)

... I'd like that.

STEVE hangs up as well.

STEVE

Yeah, me too, Judy Brankmire, me too.

CUT TO

18. EXT. THE OLD QUEEN'S BEACH. ETERNAL NIGHT.

RIFF walks across the dark sand towards a black gothic deck chair. We see protruding from one side of it, a rather hefty leg encased in ripped silk stockings. The skin seen through these rips, is a deathly white.

The TALL THIN SERVANT announced RIFF as he comes alongside.

SERVANT

The General Riff Raff, your lace curtain, your most excellent Furter.

RIFF avoids her gaze and studies the moon, the sand, the ink-black glutinous sea that gloops like an ocean of oil at the edge of the iron sand, in fact anything.

RIFF

You wished to see me? Old Queen, Silk Stocking, Lace Curtain, Big Furter.

I would never wish to actually see you, Riff Raff - The sight of you is like a finger down the throat. But I have a request - An order - A royal order.

I would be proud and honoured to serve you, my fleshy Queen. What is it you wish of me?

I want you to return to Earth and find my little darling boy and bring him back to me before I take that great leap.

Oh no, Big Furter, you will never die ... etc.

OLD QUEEN

Hit the trail, Riff Raff, and make sure you bring back my little Frankie to me before I croak.

Frankie? Frank 'N' Furter? You want me to find Frank 'N' Furter and bring him back to you?

Yes, yes, yes ... I want my treasure, my heart's delight, my only born back in these arms, locked on to these breasts once more before I go to my great reward.

But the fruit of your capacious loins has not been heard of for fifteen years or so ... He may be ... ah ... busy ... he may not want to come back.

My cousin, Lord De Lordy will see that you make it to the transducer. De Lordy.

DE LORDY steps forward with a mocking grin which is meant for RIFF, he gives a slight bow.

DE LORDY

General.

My Lord.

OLD QUEEN

Stick with him, cousin and see that he doesn't go anywhere other than Earthsville.

My life is to serve you, Big Furter, Your silk knickers.

Yeah, yeah. Just do it, and, Riff, you can give him this message from me.

We CUT TO

19. INT. EARTH. THE APARTMENT. FRESNO. EVENING.

JUDY is on the phone.

JUDY

I've got it, Chief, you want me to get as much as I can out of him. Don't worry, I'll pump him dry.

She makes her way through the apartment. Takes a bottle of champagne from a grocery bag and pops it in the ice-box. Then she heads on through to the bathroom. She reaches in and turns on the shower then she moves OUT OF SHOT to get undressed. We PULL IN TOWARDS the shower and see that as well as having taps it has a few other strange knobs and levers. In the centre of one of them, we see the lightning streak.

We CUT TO

20. INT. THE TRANSDUCER. ETERNAL NIGHT.

This is a teleportation device. RIFF stands inside it, DE LORDY outside.

RIFF RAFF

Damn you, De Lordy! You're enjoying this, aren't you?

But of course. Oh, and don't be in too much of a hurry to find "you know who" will you?

That would suit you, wouldn't it? Then you'd be next in line for the Old Queen's deck chair.

There are some who say that I'm already next in line, as Frank 'N' Furter is already dead, killed, so the rumour goes, by somebody not a million miles away from where I'm standing right now.

You can't prove that De Lordy.

I wish I could, but you're stuck now, it's either produce her pretty boy, or else. My thinking is that it's most likely going to be the "else". By the way, your sister Magenta was fabulous -

Going down.

We CUT TO

21. INT. EARTH. THE SHOWER. FRESNO. EVENING.

JUDY's having a soap up.

JUDY

Wow!!! What weird looking switches. Hey! Maybe they're for needle-jet-massage, boy I love those things.

JUDY

Holy shit! I'm going to electrocute myself - God damn it! The door's jammed - Hey, what the hell is happening here??

RIFF RAFF

Damn you, De Lordy. Damn you all.

22. INT. TRANSDUCER. ETERNAL NIGHT

JUDY appears wet and naked, she turns around slowly and sees DE LORDY.

DE LORDY

How delicious, how mouth watering.
How do you do?

JUDY

ordy Lordy!!

At your service, my dear.

"LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT"

DE LORDY:

LOOK WHAT'S POPPED UP
I THINK I'M IN LOVE
SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE'S OUT OF THIS WORLD
I'VE NEVER SEEN SO MUCH LOVELINESS
ALL IN ONE WONDERFUL GIRL
AS I STAND HERE BEFORE HER
CAN SHE TELL I ADORE HER
AM I MAKING TOO MUCH OF THIS THING
I'VE NEVER SEEN SO MUCH FLUFFINESS
SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE'S FIT FOR A KING

I WANT TO HOLD HIM TIGHTLY

I WANT TO LOVE HER SO

I WANT TO HOLD HIM NIGHTLY

I'LL NEVER LET HER GO

IT'S THAT SQUAREST OF SQUARE THINGS
AT THE BEST TRITE
THAT FAIREST OF FAIR THINGS
A SUNBURST SO BRIGHT
THAT RAREST OF RARE THINGS
LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT

I'M HOT AND I'M STRESSED
AND I'M NOT OVERDRESSED
BUT THE THING THAT MAKES ME SWEET ON YOU
IS THAT

WE CAN HAVE OUR CAKE AND EAT IT TOU

OUR MINDS AND OUR GLANDS
TELL US THESE ARE THE HANDS
WITH THE TOUCH TO EXCITE AND DELIGHT
WE'LL NEVER NEED ANY OTHER'S KISS
NOW WE'VE FOUND LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT

I WANT TO HOLD HIM TIGHTLY

I WANT TO LOVE HER SO

I WANT TO HOLD HIM NIGHTLY

I'LL NEVER LET HER GO

IT'S THAT SQUAREST OF SQUARE THINGS
AT THE BEST TRITE
THAT FAIREST OF FAIR THINGS
A SUNBURST SO BRIGHT
THAT RAREST OF RARE THINGS
LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT

We CUT TO

23. INT. EARTH. THE APARTMENT. FRESNO. NIGHT.

There's an electrical storm outside and it's raining heavily. RIFF has dried himself off and wrapped himself in a voluminous, towelling dressing gown (JUDY's perhaps?) He's picking through JUDY's wallet and handbag, not to mention her suitcase. We see a CLOSE UP of her I.D. in the wallet. RIFF has also found the champagne. The phone goes - he looks at it for a second then picks it up.

STEVE (V.O.)

Judy? This is Agent Steve Majors, if you want to bust this case wide open, then you'd better stick with the top man, and yes, I do remember you now, a skinny little thing with blonde hair and a pair of legs that went right up to heaven, am I close?

Ah ... mmm-hummh ...

24. EXT. EARTH. CAR. NIGHT.

STEVE

Listen, Judy, I'm going to be with
you in about ten or fifteen
minutes, so get some champagne on
ice and all your information
together and then you can show me
yours and I can show you mine.
Sound good to you?

Ah mmmm - hummh.

Me too - See you soon, Judith Brankmire.

We CUT TO

25. EXT. EARTH. HIGHWAY. NIGHT.

We see the rear of STEVE's car heading away from us into the night - There is yet another lightening flash which reveals a sign post which reads "FRESNO 8 MILES". Around the sign there are the badges of the various clubs and organisations of the town such as "THE ELKS" "LIONS" "J.C.'s" "MASONIC LODGE" and, also a black badge bearing a lightening streak.

We CUT TO

26. INT. EARTH. THE APARTMENT. FRESNO. NIGHT.

RIFF is in a slight panic. He crosses to a bookcase and pulls a secret switch. It slides open to reveal a wardrobe labelled "EARTHWARE". One side is male, the other female. On the top shelf there are wigs, the next down spectacles, then suits or dresses and shoes at the bottom.
RIFF turns to the female side and runs a hand along the top shelf.
RIFF RAFF

Strawberry or platinum?

27. EXT. EARTH. THE STREET OUTSIDE THE APARTMENT. FRESNO. NIGHT.

The neon lights from the Electrical store send streaks of colour across the wet sidewalk. STEVE's car pulls in front and he gets out and runs to a door alongside the store window, he pushes it open and goes in.

During this action we hear his thoughts again.

STEVE (V.O.)

I guess I should have known that something was wrong, after all, I had a little warning bell ringing in the back of my head, but I put it down to fatigue and told myself not to be silly.

We CUT TO

28. INT. EARTH. THE LANDING, OUTSIDE THE APARTMENT DOOR. FRESNO. NIGHT.

STEVE has his finger on the bell push - he removes it and the ringing stops.

STEVE

Judy?? Judy? I remember now ...

29. INT. EARTH. THE APARTMENT. FRESNO. NIGHT.

RIFF is in full drag and looks pretty good, he fluffs up his blonde hair and as he does so we hear STEVE on the other side of the door.

STEVE (V.O.)

You're a red-head, not a blonde.

We CUT TO

30. INT. EARTH. THE LANDING. FRESNO. NIGHT.

STEVE

Yes - a cute little red-head - with freckles and the kind of a figure guys write songs about. Judy?? Hey, Judy!! Come on, I'm a little wet you know, Judy? Are you in there?

31. INT. EARTH. THE APARTMENT. FRESNO. NIGHT.

RIFF hurries to the door, complete with red hair and freckles. He passes a full length wall mirror and does a double take, no tits. So he crosses to the grocery bag that JUDY took the champagne from and hauls out a couple of grapefruit, they're pretty big.

We CUT TO

32. INT. EARTH. THE LANDING. FRESNO. NIGHT.

RIFF opens the door and sprays STEVE with a drugged perfume.

RIFF RAFF

Hi! Why don't you come on in?

We TRACK inside with them and have a MONTAGE sequence which cuts between the various activities that STEVE talks about (pouring drinks, etc) and also cut from the dreamlike state where STEVE is sophisticated and urbane and RIFF is glamorous and provocative, to harsh reality, where STEVE is a dribbling fool and RIFF is contemptuous and mean.

STEVE (V.O)

It was all like some wonderful dream. I hated myself for forgetting her. She poured some champagne and I found myself opening up to her in a way that I'd never done with a girl before. I told her everything I knew about the aliens from the planet of Transsexual in the galaxy of Transylvania, and how the Rocky Horror Show was a real story and that Sonny Ammbo's song was about an actual place. I even told her about the crazy guy that turned up one morning on the lawn outside my house when I was just a kid and how Mom had to call the cops And all the while I talked, she hardly said a word. Boy what a great looker and listener she was.

STEVE

Hey! Whoah!! All right! Wow! Say, what year was that we went to school together ...

... Was it grade school or Denton High? I think it must have been grade school, because if you'd had that figure at the high, I would have never given you a moment's peace? Boy that drive knocked me out, I think I'll just close my eyes for a moment, you don't mind, do you, Judy? God! but you're beautiful.

Then he stands up, takes off the wig and dumps the grapefruit, after which he hauls STEVE into the bedroom and gets him onto the bed - When RIFF returns to the living room he has STEVE's pants over his arm, he tosses them down in the doorway.

Then he crosses to the window and stares out into the storm-lashed night, if looks could kill the whole of Fresno would be a goner.

We CUT TO

33. EXT. NIGHT. THE APARTMENT WINDOW. FRESNO. NIGHT.

We PULL AWAY from RIFF's face. We see the store lights go out. We see the rain bouncing off the top of STEVE's car. Lightning flashes and bleaches the screen to white.

We CUT TO

34. INT. DE LORDY'S BEDROOM. ETERNAL NIGHT.

This is another place of gothic wonder with a little high-tech futurism thrown in.

JUDY and DE LORDY have just engaged in an act of congress which has nothing to do with politics. She can't believe how good it was and she lies back against the pillows with her eyes crossed and her tongue hanging out. There is a lunatic smile of exhaustion spread across her face. DE LORDY gazes at her with adoration.

JUDY

Are you really a Lord.

Indeed I am, I am the heir apparent, the Quirk of fate and first cousin to the Old Queen

The Old Queen? Is she very old?

She's on her last legs and when she learns that her precious son is well and truly dead that will really send her on her way and the royal deck chair will be mine, ours, if you so desire. You could be Queen of Transsexual in the Galaxy of Transylvania.

Wow!!! I could probably get fired for this, my boss Ray Ammbo gave me the job of trying to trap a Transylvanian double agent called Steve Majors and here I am in bed with the real thing.

DE LORDY

I thought I knew all our double agents ... By the way, what's you name?

Judith Brankmire, Judy.

That's nice.

I'll say.

35. INT. EARTH. THE APARTMENT BEDROOM. FRESNO. DAY.

It's the next morning.

STEVE awakes, not knowing where he is. When he finds himself half undressed he panics a little. When he finds he's still wearing his shoulder holster and gun, he's a little more confident. He spots his wallet by the side of the bed and check it out. Yes, all the money's there, credit cards, his I.D. - he goes to close it, thinks for a moment, re-checks it and remembers that he had two rubbers in it, and now they've gone. He smiles to himself and shakes his head in a rueful manner.

STEVE

Steve Majors, you old dog, even when you're incapable you're still capable, twice ...

... Hey! This guy needs a shave.

Hey! Who the hell are you?

Brankmire, George Brankmire, and I think it should be me that's asking the questions.

Oh yeah? Like what?

Like what have you done with my sister, Judith Brankmire.

We CUT TO

36. INT. A COFFEE SHOP. FRESNO. EARTH. DAY.

It's a typical William Hopper style of diner, with the local crowd in small attendance, perhaps eight of ten at the most. Two of these we feature more than the others, one being the WAITRESS, the other being an old timer named JOE, although his name is of no importance to us or the story.

STEVE and RIFF are in a corner of their own. Above the booth they sit in, there's an old 50's movie poster for a film entitled "INVASION OF THE SAUCERMEN". They just don't make them the way they used to.

Incidentally, it's a nice sunny day.

STEVE

Honest, George, the last I saw of her, she was well and happy, I swear to God I never laid a hand on her.

Well somebody knows something.

Listen, George, I don't know if you know who Judy worked for, or how much your really knew your sister, I mean, that is if she really was your sister. God! What am I talking about? You've got the same face, the same eyes, the same oh so kissable lips - ah - sorry, George.

All I know is that Judy was doing some important work for our government and that the White House had assigned her personally.

WAITRESS

There you go.

STEVE

The White House???!!! Judy had connections at the White House. Wow! She was - IS some girl. Are you involved in all of this.

Indirectly, I answer only to the President.

Wow! Look, if we put our heads together maybe we can come up with a few answers. Judy may have left a clue or two back at the apartment. But it's my guess that she's been kidnapped by Aliens.

"NEVER LET YOUR DAUGHTER DATE AN ALIEN"

WAITRESS:

CREEPING HORROR FROM THE EERIE DEPTHS OF TIME AND SPACE

HEAPING HORROR ON THE FAIRER SEX OF A FINITE RACE

THEY WANT OUR LAND
THEY WANT OUR AIR
THE RIO GRANDE
OUR SAVOIR FAIRE
OUR CASUAL WEAR
OUR SIMPLE FLAIR
OUR SOLITAIRE
OUR MEDICARE

OUR TABLEWARE

SO ...
NEVER TRUST A CREATURE FROM OUTER SPACE
WE'VE NEVER MET A GOOD ONE YET
THEY JUST THRUST THEIR EVIL FEATURES ALL ABOUT THE PLACE
AND THAT'S ABOUT AS GOOD AS THEY GET

NO ...
NEVER LET YOUR DAUGHTER DATE AN ALIEN
YOU NEVER KNOW JUST WHERE THEY'VE BEEN
A WORSE THAN DEATH SORT OF FATE WITH A SCALEY ONE
COULD EVEN TURN YOUR FAMILY GREEN

AND WE DON'T MEAN WITH ENVY
SO DON'T TELL US THAT THEY'RE FRIENDLY

OH ...
NEVER TAKE THE WORD OF A MAN FROM MARS
DON'T GO FALLING FOR HIS EULOGIES
YOU'D THINK WE'D NEVER HEARD OF THEIR ABSURD BOUDOIRS
AND WE'D JUST FALLEN OUT OF THE TREES

IT'S TERRIFYING GETTING TACTILE
WITH A MARTIAN PTERODACTYL

YOU GET NO SYMPATHETIC TOUCHES
ONCE THEY GET YOU IN THEIR CLUTCHES

FOR EVERY NOW AND THEN YOU
ARE GONNA WIND UP AS THE MENU

NO ... NO ... NO ... NO ...
NEVER LET YOUR DAUGHTER DATE AN ALIEN
IT'S A WARNING NO-ONE SHOULD REJECT
THEY ONLY CONTEMPLATE THE BACCHANALIAN
(AND) IN THE MORNING THEY' GOT NO RESPECT

LET'S GET GLOBALLY ALERTED
BECAUSE THEY'RE TOTALLY PERVERTED

YES, THEY'LL GET US ALL DISROBING
AND THEN THEY'LL START THIS PROBING

THEN DEGRADED AND PERSUADED
WE'LL HAVE EVERY SPACE INVADED

SO IF YOU'RE A GREAT SUPPORTER OF MAMMALIAN

YOU'LL NEVER LET YOUR DAUGHTER DATE AN ALIEN.

WAITRESS

Oh by the way, you can forget the check, that's more fun that I've had since Joe here dropped his dentures in the pancake mix.

JOE/OLD TIMER heads for a pay phone.

WAITRESS

Hey, Joe! Don't go lettin' them Aliens know that we're on to them.

He now has a different voice to his Walter Brennan Gabby Hayes style.

JOE

They're going back into the apartment now. Sure, I'll keep watch on them.

We CUT TO

37. INT. DE LORDY'S PLACE. ETERNAL NIGHT.

JUDY is the center of attention and several of DE LORDY's SERVANTS flit around her bedecking her with black lace, satins and ribbons and other rich funereal fabrics.

DE LORDY sits drinking and watching.

DE LORDY

Delightful. Although I hate to be deprived of your fabulous flesh.

DE LORDY

Oh yes - Oh yes - Every inch a queen.

OLD QUEEN

I think it's time that you and I had a little chat, cousin.

DE LORDY

Ah ... ha ... ha... Anything in particular, Great Furter?

How about treason, insurrection, recalcitrance, subversion and halitosis.

I don't - I haven't - I've never had halitosis, never. Ask her, she'll tell you. I'm shocked that you, my own cousin should be capable of such a slanderous accusation ... look ... hoh! hoh!

See! Nothing - It's as sweet as a cherubs.

OLD QUEEN

Lock them up together, they may as well enjoy themselves before the torture begins.

DE LORDY
(still concerned about his breath)

HoHHH!! See! Nothing to complain about there - Hohhh!!! ...

DE LORDY

... There, you see? Lovely, isn't it? Nothing brackish or stagnant about it, is there? ...

DE LORDY

You're putting that on, stop it, you're putting that on.

We CUT TO

38. INT. THE APARTMENT. FRESNO. EARTH. DAY.

STEVE and RIFF are pouring over a large manual which is inscribed
"TRANSDUCER PROGRAMMING FOR THE BEGINNER".

STEVE

It sure was lucky that you found this book, George.

Yes, wasn't it though.

It sure was, is it any use to us?

Yes, I think so. Is there a shower in this apartment?

Yes - yes, I believe there is.

That's good. Why don't we both go and get in it?

Hey, George!!! Hold on there, buddy, I'm not form California, you know. I'm strictly down home and apple pie, George. I mean hey! Chicks yes - take last night for instance, there I was, drunk as a skunk, but still able to get it on - Oh!!! ha ... ha ... Not with Judy, of course, she's too much of a lady - No, it was ah ... on the way here actually, yes, I had to stop for some gas and pow! I got lucky with the girl on the cash register. Twice!!! Just like that, boy! You should have seen the looks on the faces of the other customers ...
So the book is about showers, is it? Fascinating subject showers. I've got a shower in my .... ah ... own apartment, yes, it's a ... pressed steel surround, which in my opinion, is superior to fibre glass. I always think there's something cheap about fibre glass. Then again I suppose that's its main attraction, and hell, everyone wants to save a few pennies these days, don't they? It has to be cost effective.
George? George?

We CUT TO

39. INT. THE APARTMENT BATHROOM. FRESNO. EARTH. DAY.

RIFF stands waiting for STEVE.

STEVE

Oh! There you are. Oh yeah, there's the shower.

STEVE

Ahh! Don't you think we should take our clothes off? I mean hell! We're both adults, it's not as though it's something to be ashamed of.

STEVE

What's that? Hey, this isn't just an ordinary shower - this is ... the thing that the book's about.

A sonic transducer, an audio vibratory physiomolecular transport device, capable of breaking down solid matter and projecting it through space and who knows, perhaps even time itself.

My God! We've got these Transylvanian Alien Creeps by the short and curlies, George. Assuming of course that they have them.

All we have to do is punch in the destination and away we go.

But where? Where do we go, George?

According to this handbook anyone of a number of places - Alaska - Algeria - Boston - Brussels - Chile - Cincinnati - Denton etc. right through to Washington - X - Y and Zurich.

Washington??!! Oh my God, the seat of power - Does it say where in Washington?

No, but we only have to go there to find out.

Okay, let's do it. No, wait, one of them might be using the shower, I'd sure hate to turn up and be confronted by a naked alien, Yuck!
Hey! Why don't we "go to Denton", after all that's where all this started and we both know our way around there, don't we?

We do?

Sure we do - I went to school in Denton with Judy, your sister remember? Funny thing though, I don't remember you as well as I didn't remember her, if you get what I mean.

Oh, ah... I went to school in Europe.

Really? Hey, nice.

But you're absolutely right. Denton would be a good place to start. Now let's see - One at a time I think and you first.

No, I think we should definitely do this together.

But what if our molecules should get mixed together?

Huh?? Oh! You mean like the "Fly" I saw that movie - wow you're right, you go first, I'll follow on.

No, I think you should go first, after all I've read the book, you wouldn't know how to program the device.

Listen George, this may come as a surprise to a Guy that's been educated in Europe, but I can read too you know. Hey, this is in a sort of code.

Runic script, cyphers are my hobby as well as my job.

STEVE

I hope you pushed the right buttons George, I don't want to wind up in Alaska.

Trust me, Steve.

STEVE

That's another thing, the Chief said, that I shouldn't trust anybody.

RIFF RAFF

And how right he was.

40. INT. CELL BLOCK. ETERNAL NIGHT.

Two GUARDS are pushing the luckless JUDY and DE LORDY towards an iron door.

DE LORDY

You've never noticed a trace of bad breath have you Judy...

...ask her, go on, not a hint, no so much as a hint, go on, smell it, go on... Hohh...

DE LORDY

...I wish you'd stop fooling around like that, I really do.

He's not fooling, look he's keeling over.

JUDY

I've got a hohhh hunch that we're more compatible than we realised.

DE LORDY

But this is so humiliating.

Don't worry about it and just thank your lucky stars that we ate what we did last night. It's only morning after mouth, nothing a little mouthwash and orange juice won't fix, meanwhile let's get the hell out of here.

Quite so, my dear, let's get to the transducer and rethink our plan of campaign on YOUR planet.

Okay, I'm with you.

We CUT TO

41. INT. THE SHOWER. FRESNO. EARTH. DAY.

We see RIFF climb into the shower with a small black suitcase, he presses a few buttons and dematerialises. We then see JUDY and DE LORDY arrive.

JUDY

There's some champagne in the refrigerator.

Never mind the champagne, let's hit the mouthwash.

42. EXT/INT. HOLIDAY INN. DENTON. EARTH. DAY.

We have an EXTERNAL ESTABLISHING SHOT and then PULL TO a second floor window. We DISSOLVE to the interior.

It's the usual double bedroom with it's ensuite bathroom which is known the entire world over to those familiar with that sort of thing.

A MAID has the hallway door open and enters the bathroom with fresh towels, we follow her in. She places the towels and exits, we stay. The BATH TUB/SHOWER glows and RIFF RAFF appears. He steps out and leaves, we go with him. We see the MAID with her back to us, over by the window, she doesn't see RIFF, he hits the hallway and he's gone - She turns as if she heard something, then goes back to what-ever it is that she's doing -
(This is room 220 by the way.)

We PAN around and see RIFF, going away from us down the hotel corridor, he carries a small black suitcase.

We CUT TO

43. EXT. HOLIDAY INN. ANCHORAGE, ALASKA. EARTH. DAY.

STEVE is in a pay phone, it's snowing and behind him we can see the hotel.

STEVE

Thanks for accepting the call Chief - Steve Majors - Agent Steve Majors - I know I'm in Alaska - I took the shower - I know it sounds crazy - but - listen Chief they've got Judy - Judy Brankmire, my contact in Fresno - yes - What?? She's there with you now?? Is her brother with her?? - Of course, she's got a brother - George - They're the image of each other, only he doesn't have everything that she's got - Well hair for a start. Of course. I can give you a description of her Chief, after all, I am a professional - Sure, I know strictly by the book.

"JUDY JUDY JUDY"

STEVE:

SHE STOOD QUITE A GOOD FIVE FOOT SEVEN
A CAUCASIAN TO PRAISE AND INSPIRE
PEACHES AND CREAM
AN AMERICAN DREAM
BUILT MORE TO ADORE THAN ADMIRE

SHE WAS THE REAL McCOY
NOTHING LIKE A BOY
VERITABLY NATURAL
ACTUALLY FACTUAL
GENUINELY FEMININE
CONCLUDE THAT SHE'S A CUTIE
WHO'D STICK WITH YOU THROUGH THICK AND THINK
MY JUDY JUDY

SHE HAD LEGS THAT WENT RIGHT UP TO HEAVEN
AND HAIR THE COLOUR OF FIRE
THE SLIMMEST OF HIPS
IRRESISTIBLE LIPS
AND UNQUENCHABLE SEXUAL DESIRE

GOD WENT AND BROKE THE MOULD
WHEN THIS CENTRE-FOLD
LOST HER CHILDHOOD AWKWARDNESS
AND BLOSSOMED INTO LOVELINESS
THINK OF HOW OUR LIFE COULD BE
INCLUDE THE TOOTIE FRUITY
I THINK THAT SHE'S THE WIFE FOR ME
MY JUDY JUDY

43B. INT. RAY'S OFFICE. WASHINGTON D.C.

The real JUDY, DE LORDY, MARY LOU and SONNY are there; it looks like a party. RAY is on the phone.

RAY

What happened to professional detachment? Objectivity? And a dispassionate interpretation of the facts, Agent Majors?

We CUT BACK TO,p> 43. EXT. HOLIDAY INN. ANCHORAGE, ALASKA. EARTH. DAY.

STEVE

Sorry, Chief ... ah ...

HER WEIGHT WAS ONE HUNDRED ELEVEN
EXCEPT FOR HER LOVELY ATTIRE
HER DRESS WITH THE FLOUNCES
WEIGHED LESS THAN TWO OUNCES
AND COULDN'T HAVE GONE ANY HIGHER

SHE HAD THE KIND OF LIMBS
THAT YOU WON'T FIND ON HIMS
LONG AND LEAN DEVOID OF HAIR
STRONG AND CLEAN BOY DID I STARE
I WISH I HAD A PHOTOGRAPH
THEN YOU'D SEE HER TRUE BEAUTY
I'D LET HER BE MY BETTER HALF
MY ... JUDY JUDY
MY ... JUDY JUDY

44. EXT. A ROAD OUTSIDE DENTON. EARTH. DAY.

We see an old pair of iron gates which are falling off their hinges and an old broken sign which once said "Enter at your own risk".
(See "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" for exact example)

RIFF RAFF's legs come into view and the black bag - We PULL AWAY and see him in LONG SHOT, there is a cab beside him - he gets back in and it drives through the gates.

We CUT TO

45. INT. HOLIDAY INN. ALASKA. EARTH. DAY.

STEVE is in the hallway outside room 220. The room that has the transducer in it. But the MAID here is not about to let him in.

STEVE

But you don't understand, this is an emergency, I've got to use the shower.

Only guests can use the showers.
You'll have to sign in at the front desk.

Look lady, I'm with the Bureau of Investigation of UFO's and I've got to get in that shower and transport myself to Denton, do you understand?

I ... I ... ah ... you'd better see the Manager - I'll go and get him.

STEVE

It's okay - I've got it.

MAID
(not knowing which way to go)

But - but... Oh my God.

We CUT TO

46. INT. ROOM IN THE HOLIDAY INN. ALASKA. EARTH. DAY.

In other words, we're on the other side of the door now - STEVE gets into the bathroom and climbs into the shower.

STEVE

Okay, so where are all the knobs and switches? Oh no! Don't tell me I'm in the wrong shower - I can't be, it was room 220. I know it was.

STEVE

Okay -

Now let's get our act together here, use a little lateral thinking - So, there are 26 letters in the alphabet - "A" representing number "1"; "B" number "2" and so on. So, if I want to spell out Denton, I'd have to press this button for D. - ABCD -

4 times and then E - ABCDE -

5 times - and N, that's ABCDEFG...

47. INT. THE CORRIDOR OUTSIDE 220 HOLIDAY IN. ALASKA. EARTH. DAY.

The MAID has returned with the MANAGER.

MANAGER

Is this the room?

... Are you sure? All right, let me have your pass key.

We CUT TO

48. INT. SHOWER. ROOM 220. HOLIDAY INN. ALASKA. EARTH. DAY.

STEVE

Okay, just the "O" and the "N" to go A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O - that's 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 and hey, what's happening - I haven't finished yet, I've one more to go.

MANAGER

Perhaps you'd care to explain this destruction. Miss Yerkovitch. Come, come, speak up.

I ah ... he ah ... huh huh huh ...

In English please, Miss Yerkovitch.

49. EXT. THE OUTSKIRTS OF DENTON. EARTH. DAY.

RIFF is looking out of the cab window, his chin on the door sill, he looks very dejected. We PAN AROUND and see why.
There in front of us stands a new-ish housing development and a sign reading:

DENTON
HAPPY HOMES
HOUSING
DEVELOPMENT

RIFF sighs.

RIFF RAFF

I was afraid of something like this.

Why? Whatcha do? Bury a bankroll down there before they built all them houses?

Something like that, take me back to the Holiday Inn, will you?

Sure.

50. INT. RAY AMMBO'S EXECUTIVE WASHROOM. WASHINGTON. EARTH. DAY.

The shower starts to pulse. Again it's one which is incorporated with a bath, only this one has a mahogany surround and the look of a wealthy "Men's Club" to it, in fact the whole bathroom has that look.
STEVE looks around and approving of what he sees, gives a small whistle. We see a few fishnets hanging around.
He crosses to the door, which is slightly ajar and peeking through, he, and we, see RAY perched on the corner of his desk. He's smiling and talking to someone out of sight.

STEVE pushes the door open a little.

STEVE
(sotto voce)

Good grief! It's the Chief!

RAY

Steve! Come on in, we've been waiting for you. Judy and my very good friend Lord De Lordy have just zipped in from Fresno.

Hi, Steve, we went to school together.

How do you do?

And this is my boy, Sonny.

STEVE (V.O.)

It was like trying to put together a jigsaw with all the wrong pieces.
How come the Chief had a sonic transducer in the executive washroom? And just how had Judy Brankmire zipped from Fresno to here? Sure, this was the real Judy Brankmire. I remember her now, she used to sit at the back of Miss Peterson's class and pass wind. I hated her then and I was hating her now. And who was the phoney Lord that was pawing her and why were they dressed up like they didn't know whether they were going to bed or a funeral?
And how come they were expecting me?
And what was Ray's son, the rock star Sonny Ammbo doing here?

Why don't we all have another quick drink and then piss off to Denton? That is where you were trying to get to, isn't it, Steve?

You seem to have all the answers, Chief.

Do I? Well if I do, you must have all the questions.

Sure, I had a million questions but it was my guess they had a million and one answers.

I knew you were going to be trouble, Steve, when you told me that you knew that the Rocky Horror Show was based on a real event that took place in Denton fifteen or so years ago and then there was your name, Majors, you wouldn't be related to the late Brad Majors, would you?

STEVE

So, you know that he's dead as well, do you, perhaps you also know how he died, no, well I'll tell you. A transylvanian ...

Frank 'N' Furter

STEVE

Seduced my brother Brad ...

Asshole.

... and his fiance, Janet Weiss ...

Slut.

Let Steve get on with it, Sonny.

They were both forced to do despicable things and it sent the two of them completely whacko ... Janet only wound up as a hooker and a drunk, but my brother ... my brother finished up ... as a bottomless go-go dancer in Vegas... and ...

... he fell to his death from a trapeze which was thirty feet above the crowd ...

STEVE
(in tears)

... and they took him to the morgue, wearing nothing, but six inch heels and a rhinestone choker.

RAY:

DO YOU WANT MONEY?

NO NO NO

HOW ABOUT SOME HONEY?

NO NO NO

DO YOU WANT POWER?

NO NO NO

HOW ABOUT A SHOWER?

NO! NO! NO!!!

I WANT TO GET MY OWN BACK ON THE PEOPLE WHO'VE BEEN HURTING MY LOVED ONES
I WANT TO GET MY OWN BACK ON THE PEOPLE WHO'VE BEEN SMUTTY SMUT-TEE
I'VE GOT TO GET MY OWN BACK ON THE PEOPLE WHO'VE BEEN SQUIRTING THEIR LOVE GUNS
I'VE GOT TO GET MY OWN BACK ON THE PEOPLE WHO'VE BEEN YUCKIE YUCK-EE
I'VE GOT TO GET MY OWN BACK. I WANT TO GET MY OWN BACK

OTHERS:

SUCK IT AND SEE

I WANT TO GET MY OWN BACK ON THE PEOPLE WHO'VE BEEN GETTING IN MY FACE
I WANT TO GET MY OWN BACK ON THE PEOPLE WHO'VE BEEN CAUSING ME PAIN
I'VE GOT TO GET MY OWN BACK ON THE PEOPLE WHO'VE BEEN GETTING ON MY CASE
I'VE GOT TO GET MY OWN BACK ON THE PEOPLE WHO ARE VAIN AND PROFANE
I'VE GOT TO GET MY OWN BACK. I WANT TO GET MY OWN BACK

MAKE YOUR OWN RAIN
YOU'VE GOT TO GET TO THE BOTTOM OF YOUR PROBLEM
YOU'VE GOT TO STOP AND START TO TAKE YOURSELF IN HAND
YOU'VE GOT TO LIVE A LITTLE, LOVE A LITTLE, LAUGH A LITTLE MORE
AND THEN, AND ONLY THEN YOU'LL UNDERSTAND
IF YOU WANT TO GET YOUR OWN BACK THEN GET CLOSER
TO THE OBJECT OF YOUR HATE AND LEARN THEIR WAYS
THEN WHEN YOU KNOW THE WHY'S AND WHAT'S YOU CAN TRY AND CALL SOME SHOTS
BUT BEWARE THE HATEFUL FATEFUL RICOCHETS

I WANT TO GET MY OWN BACK ON THE PEOPLE WHO'VE BEEN TREADING ON MY TOES
I WANT TO PAY THEM BACK FOR ALL THE PEOPLE THAT THEY'VE BITTEN AND SKINNED
I'VE GOT TO GET MY OWN BACK ON THE PEOPLE WHO ARE GETTING UP MY NOSE
AND YOU CAN TAKE THAT AS A STATEMENT OF FACT WHICH I'LL NEVER RESCIND
I'VE GOT TO GET MY OWN BACK. I WANT TO GET MY OWN BACK

OTHERS:

SPIT IN THE WIND

RAY

Okay, Steve, if you're committed to getting your own back on those Transylvanians, I suggest we try and catch up with your new found friend George Brankmire, who you may or may not be surprised to discover is a high ranking Transylvanian General, name of Riff Raff.

I was beginning to figure that it was something like that.

RAY

Sure you were. Hold the fort, Mary Lou - Coming, Steve?

What about the molecules?

What about them?

Won't they mix together, like The Fly?

I think he means the movie.

RAY

Oh! Hell no! Do you think I'd risk getting mixed up with this crowd? I like them but I'm damned if I want their bodily parts, any more than they want mine or yours.

Well ... If you're sure.

STEVE

What I really want to know is, who was the woman who was impersonating Agent Brankmire here?

ALL

Ah??? Yes ... Who indeed ... etc ...

51. INT. CORRIDOR. HOLIDAY INN. DENTON. DAY.

RIFF is outside the door of room 220, which, to save confusion in the audience's mind, is a different colour and style from the one that we saw STEVE outside in Alaska.

RIFF tries the handle quietly, it's locked. He takes a sonic key from his pocket, switches it on and points it at the lock.
The door opens and standing there is a rather blowzy blonde of middle to late thirties, but looking considerably older, her once beautiful face showing the ravages of excess and despair. This is none other than JANET WEISS, one time fiance of STEVE's elder brother, the late BRAD MAJORS.

RIFF and she have met before, but what with her looking as she does and her fuddled mind neither of them make any instant recognition. They do detect a 'certain something' which neither of them can put their finger on, but that, for now, is all.

RIFF quickly hides the sonic key. JANET looks suspiciously at him.

JANET

Yeah? So what do YOU want?

I have to check your bathroom out for soundproofing, there have been complaints from some of the guests.

Oh yeah?

JANET

Is this going to take long?

Just shut the door, lady.

We CUT TO

52. INT. BATHROOM. HOLIDAY INN. DENTON. DAY.

RIFF pulls back the shower curtain and gets in and sits on the side of the bath. He presses three of the wall tiles in a pattern of sorts and on the last one we hear a kind of bleep and two others flip open to reveal the operating panel.

RIFF hauls up his suitcase, opens it and taking out a raincoat puts in on, then he fiddles with the panel until it comes loose, fits a bit of high tech wizardry into the circuit board, replaces the panel, shuts his suitcase. Then he programs the transducer. We see the word "TIMEWARP" come up on the panel - he presses a knob or two and we see a few more lights come on.

RIFF RAFF
(looks at his watch)

Let me see now, 14, 2, seventeen, and 22 and a half - No - that's not right, 18, 3 and a quarter ...

... All right, now let's do the Timewarp again.

He disappears.

The door opens and JANET stands there with a drink in her hand and a puzzles look on her face.

JANET

Hey! Don't I know you from somewhere? Hey, where d'yah go? How come I only get to meet the riff raff now a days. Riff raff? Why'd I say that?

53. INT. THE PALACE OF THE OLD QUEEN. ETERNAL NIGHT.

Present are, the OLD QUEEN, the TWO GUARDS, who were supposed to have locked up JUDY and DE LORDY, plus TRANSYLVANIAN COURTIERS.

The OLD QUEEN is furious, to say the least. The TWO GUARDS are on their knees before her, both have been stripped naked and are about to be tortured. I'm not sure how, but rest assured it'll be fairly disgusting.

OLD QUEEN

Well, this has to be a first in anybody's book. 'With one breath Jack was free', well you're about to get a lesson in how to kiss ass, and we all know who's ass that's going to be as well, don't we?

LOVE AND RESPECT

WHAT???!!!

LOVE AND RESPECT

SO, WHY DON'T WE PAUSE AND REFLECT, ON ...

LOVE AND RESPECT

AND THE POSSIBLE CAUSE AND EFFECT, OF ...

LOVE AND RESPECT

YEAH!
VENGEANCE IS MINE

THE OFFENCES ARE THINE
SUFFER THE EVIL DOER TO COME UNTO ME
THERE'S GOING TO BE WEEPING, WAILING AND GNASHING OF TEETH
BLEATING AND RAILING AND LASHINGS OF GRIEF
A LOT OF GOOD GUYS HAVE DIED WHEN THEY LIED IN MY FACE
THERE'S GOING TO BE LYING, CRYING AND PENITENT PLEAS
SIGHTING, DYING BENT ON YOUR KNEES
AND YOU'RE GOING TO FIND THERE AIN'T NO HIDING PLACE

54. INT. BATHROOM. HOLIDAY INN. DENTON. DAY

We see JANET on the john with a drink in her hand and her pants around her ankles. She's also trying to suck on a cigarette and remember what she's spent the last fifteen odd years trying to forget.

We hear the (by now) familiar pulsing sound of the transducer, and a strange light pulses with it and washes across JANET. She looks towards the source and her mouth falls open. She's terrified. She dribbles with fear. We PULL AROUND and see JUDY, DE LORDY, STEVE, RAY and SONNY appear in the bath.

"NO HIDING PLACE" (cont.)

ALL (SAVE JANET):

YOU'RE GOING TO FIND THERE AIN'T NO HIDING PLACE.

JANET

AHHHGGGHHH!!! BLAH BLAH BABBLE BABBLE ...

Not you, mam, we have every respect for a lady on the john. Sonny, draw the shower curtain.

RAY meanwhile has been fooling around with the control panel that RIFF has re-programmed.

RAY

Yahooo!!

Excuse us, mam, we're going to take a little trip down memory lane. Bye bye now.

STEVE

I'm sure that woman is Janet Weiss.

Slut.

My brother Brad's fiance.

Asshole.

I think perhaps you're right, Steve.

Where exactly is it that we're going, Pop?

Into the past.

JANET

Brad??? Brad??? Frank 'N' Furter??? It's me, Janet - It's me. ME!!!

55. INT. RAY'S EXECUTIVE BATHROOM. WASHINGTON D.C. DAY.

The very large bath/shower is at first empty. We see the same pulsing light and hear the same pulsing sound as before, and before our very eyes, the largest assembly of PEOPLE ever gathered together in one bath appear. Their dress is of an extremely Gothic and provocative nature, to say the least.

In the centre stands the OLD QUEEN. Many of the GUARDS have pitch-fork ray-guns. As they step from the shower, a second wave of strange PEOPLE arrive The new arrivals are dressed in black satin trousers, tail jackets and dark glasses.. These are the Transylvanian AMBASSADORS from the four corners of the Earth.

"NO HIDING PLACE" (cont.)

ALL:

THE SENTENCE IS DOOM
COMMENCEMENT IS SOON

THE ROUGHER WE HEAVE IN THE SKEWER (THE) MORE FUN IT'LL BE

YOU'RE GOING TO BE SWEARING CARE AND CHEATING YOUR BEST
TEARING HAIR AND BEATING YOUR BREAST

WOULD THAT YOU'D TRIED SUICIDE NOT THIS MISGUIDED CHASE

56. EXT. DENTON OUTSKIRTS. THE PAST. NIGHT.

It's pouring with rain and lightning reveals those gates again. This time, however, they are exactly the same as they were those fifteen (or so) years before.

We SWING AROUND and there in TIGHT SHOT we see RIFF, his collar turned up against the rain.

He sings.

"NO HIDING PLACE" (cont.)

RIFF RAFF:

THERE'S GOING TO BE DANGERS WEIGHED AND PEOPLE TO STOP
CHANGES MADE WITH ME AT THE TOP - AND ...

57. INT. RAY'S EXECUTIVE BATHROOM. WASHINGTON D.C. DAY.

Same crowd as before.

"NO HIDING PLACE" (cont.)

ALL:

... YOU'RE GOING TO FIND THERE AIN'T NO HIDING PLACE

OLD QUEEN

Where the hell is everybody, sister?

Why, you all just missed them. They all took off for Denton.

DENTON!!! My Boy, my Frankie used to send me postcards from a place called Denton. Let's go.

MARY LOU

Hey! Wait!

MARY LOU

Can I come with you?

OLD QUEEN:

I'LL CONCEDE, OH YES INDEED
IF YOU CAN
FEED ME WHAT I NEED

LOVE AND RESPECT

WHAT!!!

LOVE AND RESPECT

WHEN PUSH COMES TO SHOVE I EXPECT

LOVE AND RESPECT

WHAT MUST YOU NEVER NEGLECT?

LOVE AND RESPECT

Okay, let's go.

58. EXT. GATES TO OLD HOUSE. DENTON OUTSKIRTS. THE PAST. NIGHT.

It's still hosing down. We see RAY, JUDY, DE LORDY, SONNY and STEVE hurrying towards us and then through the gates.

"NO HIDING PLACE" (cont.)

ALL:

TIME AFTER TIME
AND TIME BEFORE TIME
THERE'S TOO MUCH TIME TO FILL

59. EXT. THE OLD HOUSE GROUNDS. THE PAST. NIGHT.

RIFF runs across the lawns. He still carries his black case, but now he has a pitchfork laser in his hand. A pack of baying DOGS run towards him.

RIFF turns the ray-gun on the animals and keeps heading for the house, singing as he goes.

"NO HIDING PLACE" (cont.)

RIFF RAFF:

TIME OUT OF MIND
AND THIS TIME YOU'LL FIND
THERE'S ALWAYS TIME TO KILL

60. EXT. GATES TO OLD HOUSE. DENTON OUTSKIRTS. THE PAST. NIGHT.

The OLD QUEEN and her hordes sweep through the gates. The OLD QUEEN has her arms locked around two people who are not dressed as the others. One is MARY LOU, the other is a very mixed up JANET.

"NO HIDING PLACE" (cont.)

OLD QUEEN:

YOU CAN RACE THROUGH TIME
YOU CAN CHASE THROUGH SPACE
BUT THE TIME HAS FINALLY COME ...

WHEN THERE AIN'T NO HIDING PLACE

GIVE ME LOVE AND RESPECT

61. EXT. THE GROUNDS. THE PAST. NIGHT.

RIFF is still weaving his way across the lawn. In fact, he's almost made it to the house.

"NO HIDING PLACE" (cont.)

RIFF RAFF:

GOT TO CHANGE THE PAST
THERE'S NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT
RE-ARRANGE IT FAST
AND TELL IT LIKE IT ISN'T

RAY'S TEAM:

TRYING TO ERASE
A TIME OF DISGRACE
THIS TIME YOU'RE GOING TO FIND ...

ENTIRE COMPANY:

THERE AIN'T NO HIDING PLACE

GIVE ME LOVE AND RESPECT

OLD QUEEN

Holy shit! Get that sucker!

RAY

Hold your fire. Hold your fire!

OLD QUEEN

Who the hell are you to countermand my orders?

I know this place.

Ray Ammbo, an Earthling. Loyal to the Transylvanian way.

And who is that with you, Ray Ammbo, loyal Earthling?

Your Royal cousin ...

SHHHHH ...

Lord De Lordy is here, and ...

Lord De Lordy??? Let them have it, and give them everything you've got.

DE LORDY

Riff Raff! I'm on your side. I didn't really do it with your sister. I was only teasing.

JUDY

You've killed him ... Kill me too.

While all this is happening RAY has thrown SONNY to the ground. STEVE has been ducking a few wild shots and, as we know, the grass is very wet. He gets a laser burn across his forehead, he slips, slides and rolls out of sight and out of mind. In fact, he's out for the count.

OLD QUEEN

Okay! Okay! Hold your fire!

I know this place.

Can it, sister. Okay. What the hell is going on here?

Riff Raff is killing your son, in that house, even as we speak.

I am not!

RIFF RAFF, IS THIS TRUE?

No! I would never do such a thing.

DE LORDY

He is, it's true. He came back here to try and change the past and save his neck.

I didn't, I didn't.

He did. Your precious son, the noble Frank 'N' Furter is in that house being assassinated by him, and I'm glad. Do you hear me? Glad ... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

JANET

It's true. I was here - there - here when it happened. It's all coming back to me now.

Okay, troops, get your asses into that house and stop what ever's happening in there.

All of you, move it.

As the TROOPS get into the house and close to its windows and walls, the house takes off and all of them are killed in the blast.

As one of the GUARDS gets thrown on his back, his laser is fired and poor old RAY gets it between the shoulder blades.

We are now left with a small group of survivors; the OLD QUEEN, MARY LOU, JANET, SONNY and RIFF RAFF. They all gather around the dying RAY. JANET looks at SONNY.

JANET

Are you Frank 'N' Furter? You look like Frank 'N' Furter.

He's his son. Your son, Janet. Don't you remember? I know he looks a little old for his age but he always has done. You were in a drunken stupor the day he was born. I ah ... I'm going now ... so ... look after ... him for me ...

SONNY

Hi sweet Momma.

He is his father's son. Come to grandma and give her some of what she wants.

Anytime, Grandma, anytime.

OLD QUEEN

OH! OH! ... Oh the excitement... I oh my heart ... Oh baby!

SONNY

Well, what do you know? I guess that makes me numero uno now.

The Big Furter.

SONNY

... I hope you're not thinking of using that thing, Riff.

On the contrary, I would never harm a hair on the head of a Royal Furter. My only wish is to serve.

That's good, because I'm going to need a man like you, and first off, you can get us out of here and back to our own time. Then you can take us to that place of enchantment.

The planet of Transsexual in the Galaxy of Transylvania.

Damn right! Lead the way.

We stay at a LONG and LOW SHOT and watch them go. We TIGHTEN FOCUS and see STEVE in CLOSE UP. He shakes his head and looks around himself. The lawn is littered with bodies.

STEVE

Hey! Where is everybody?

62. INT. THE PALACE OF THE NEW FURTER. ETERNAL NIGHT.

It's just your average Transylvanian, gothic, rococo, glittering coronation scene. SONNY is up on the royal deck chair and standing behind him are JANET and MARY LOU. To one side, lurking in the crowd, we see RIFF. The Royal Tiara is placed upon SONNY's head, and, it has to be said, that he does look splendid. The SMALL PERSON steps forward.

SMALL PERSON

Long live Sonny Furter, son of Frank, grandson of the Old Queen and Great Furter to us all.

Hail to you, Great Furter, lace curtain, silk stocking and panty waist.

What can I always expect?

LOVE AND RESPECT

WHAT MUST YOU ALWAYS PROJECT?

LOVE AND RESPECT

SONNY:

THIS IS A BRAND NEW BEGINNING
YES, THIS TIME YOU'RE GOING TO BE FREE
TO KNEEL AT THE ALTER
AND FEEL YOURSELF FALTER
SEDUCED BY THE BEAUTY YOU SEE
AND THE HYMN TO THE HIM YOU'LL BE SINGING
WILL UNLOCK IN ITS DOXOLOGY
THAT ABOVE ALL YOUR NEW JOY
YOU LOVE A NEW BOY
YES, LITTLE OLD HEART STOPPING ME

(GONNA) TO BUMP AND GRIND
(GONNA) TO STRUT MY STUFF
AND YOU'RE GOING TO FIND
YOU CAN'T GET ENOUGH
OF WHAT I'VE GOT
AND I'VE GOT A LOT
OF SO MUCH COOL
THAT I'M RED HOT
LET ME TELL YOU WHO'S THE STAR TO SET YOU FREE
YES, LITTLE OLD HEART STOPPING ME

SOME DAME WAS NAMED
AFTER HEAVEN'S QUEEN
A FAKE PRINCE CLAIMED
HE WAS A SEX MACHINE
SO SAVE YOUR TIME
AND YOUR LOYALTY
REMEMBER I'M
TRUE ROYALTY
IF YOU'RE THINKING WHO'S THE KING OF ECSTASY
IT'S, LITTLE OLD HEART STOPPING ME

YOU'RE MORE THAN A KING
YOU'RE OUR EVERYTHING
THE TRUE BLUE MESSIAH
OF OUR NEW DESIRE
OUR MOJO OUR FETISH
WHO'S OH SO COQUETTISH
OUR GYMNASTIC VENUS
WITH THE DYNASTIC GENUS
AND WE CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF IT
CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF IT

I'LL GIVE YOU WHAT YOU NEED
I'M HOLDING NOTHING BACK
UNTIL I HEAR YOU PLEAD
FOR A HEART ATTACK
I'LL BE YOUR SUGAR PLUM
UNTIL IT'S YOUR DEATH DAY
AND THEN I'M GONNA COME
AND TAKE YOUR BREATH AWAY
WHO GIVES HIS WHOLE UN-CHARTED SOUL TO THEE?
YES, LITTLE OLD HEART STOPPING ME.
IT'S LITTLE OLD HEART STOPPING ME.

It's possible that we might cut away to STEVE staggering back out of the gate of the OLD HOUSE as the rain stops and dawn begins to break.

At the conclusion of the song we..
CUT TO

63. EXT. A SUBURBAN STREET. DENTON. THE PAST. EARLY MORNING.

The storm has finished and we are in a quiet, small American town suburb of around fifteen years ago.
We see STEVE looking very rough after his ordeal. He is dirty and muddy with grass stains all over his clothes. He's also in need of a shave.
He stands in front of one of the neat little houses and shouts at the window.
Inside the same window, we see a terrified WOMAN hugging a BOY who is about fifteen years younger than STEVE.

STEVE

But you've got to let me in, Mom! I'm Steve, your son Steve. Hey listen, Steve, I'm you, only older. I'm trapped in the past. Aliens did it. I can't get back. Riff Raff must have destroyed the Transducer back at the Holiday Inn. I know it sounds crazy, it is crazy, but it's true, Steve, I'm you, you're me, only younger. Why don't you let me in? Why don't you listen?

STEVE

No! no! Listen, listen .. they're here. They're everywhere, Alaska, Washington, all over. They use the showers, the showers.

STEVE

KEEP WATCHING THE SHOWERS!!!

64. INT. RIFF RAFF'S CHAMBER. ETERNAL NIGHT.

He is closing the door behind him, making sure that the bolt is across. Then he glides towards Magenta's coffin. He strokes its surface and then gently lifts the lid.

RIFF RAFF

Hi honey, I'm home.

We go into END TITLES.

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THE END