On Come-Hither Mountain on San Quentin Peaks

In the deepest Ontario, where the wild mink creeps

Lies Badwater Dune Guy his body interred;

A big burly skeleton with a bushy brown beard

Under a rock with the epitaph "VERDE."

Now Badwater Dune Guy once travelled the land

Of Canada, the tremendous country that spanned

From east to the west and from north to the slightly more southern north

And even though it sucked he thought it was grand

He even liked Crash Test Dummies, Canada's only "band".

Badwater Dune Guy travelled afar

He hooked up his wagon to a really dim star,

With calloused foot and a busted up nose

He dragged his beaver skins through Canada's snows

He was the murderer of ten thousand moose.

One lonely day when the blizzard was high

Badwater Dune Guy was buried up to his thigh

With a pelt on his shoulder and a blade in his hand;

He shouted out loud, his voice echoed out over the land

"Not the muck or the mire or the sleet or the snow; drive out

a Dune Guy from six feet of snow!"

Now poor Dune Guy was howling in need of some aid

When who should come along but mean Mister Grizzly Bear

Sharpening his claws on the Prince of Bel Air.

He decided to give Badwater a bit of a scare

So he danced on his head and ripped out all his hair.

Now Badwater Dune Guy was rip roaring pissed!

He threw his knife at the Grizzly, but missed,

And hit a park ranger right in the chest;

It went through his heart and quite ruined his vest.

Too bad, Badwater, you're doing your best.

The Grizzly ripped Badwater out up from the ice

And flattened him soundly with rocks, like a vise

Then packed him tight in snow, and rolled him down a hill;

He crashed through ten cabins, and an abandoned mill

The P.M. was furious--what a horrible pill.

Next Badwater began delivering his famous routine:

He danced around and vented his spleen

While the veins all stood out in his neck:

"Not the Bear nor the Ranger nor an unreasonable Quebec

Will stop Badwater Dune Guy from raising all heck!"

Now the Bear was quite scared, and beginning to run,

fell into a ditch, and broke his bum

So Badwater beat him and tied him to a log

And then set it on fire, and rolled it into a bog

And smiling, he remarked, "That species of hog

never knew what hit him! Zut! Que'le du et fromage!"

Then later that day Badwater was slurping a lake

When he realized that was a horrid mistake;

He began to moan, and feel his tummyache

Which hurt quite a bit, what a pitiful Canuck!

And that's how he got his name, and that's the end of this book!!!

 _____________ ____//

/==============\ /\ \/

|================| __/\ \/

(________________)=<_I__\/

/// |(( (( \\\\

// **** ****\\\

/| (o) / (o) (\

/| |____ \\

//\ /////\\\\\ \\

// (_I_I_I_I_) \

////)///)/////(\\\

////|//|//\//((\

///^\/^/\\\\\