DOCTOR EGG, a mental doctor at St. George Bush mental hospital Bruce

DOCTOR FUNNY, a friend and colleague of DOCTOR EGG The guy with the space between his teeth

SECRETARY, a woman who was hired by the two doctors to write and keep records for them The gay one

DOCTOR FORGINIGUPSCA Ph.D., A doctor of russian decent who has no detectable accent. He also happens to be the worlds single greatest psychologist. Kevin

INTERN, an intern. The guy who nobody likes (Scott?)

A group of two doctors and a secretary sit behind a two way mirror. They are observing a patient. The patient is lying in bed, motionless. The first doctor DOCTOR EGG looks at the other doctor DOCTOR FUNNY and they share a look of distress mixed with anticipation. They look at the clock.

EGG: He should be here any minute now.

FUNNY: Yes (sigh) it's a good thing too. I'm beginning to get a little... (He looks around the room) desperate.

SECRETARY: Who? Who should be here any minute, sir?

FORGINIGUPSCA: Why I would be here any minute! I, Dr. Forginigupsca Ph.D., the worlds greatest Clinical Psychologist. Why just thinking about hiring me costs you a hundred dollars. (He looks off into the distance)

EGG: Dr. Forginigupsca, It is a great honor to have you here.

FUNNY: I'll say. They say that you're the best thing since Freud.

FORGINIGUPSCA: I am indeed the greatest thing since Freud. And when I die they shall say--about other (lesser) psychologists--"he is the greatest thing since Forginigupsca." In fact, Freud will be but a fleeting memory for most.

FUNNY: Dear, we're almost forgetting why we called you here...

FORGINIGUPSCA: Yes?

EGG: We're having a terrible trouble with one of our patients.

FORGINIGUPSCA: (Stroking his chin) I assume that it is this patient, right here. (Pointing at the patient behind the two way mirror.)

EGG and FUNNY begin to applaud. SECRETARY begins to look confused.

EGG: Bravo!

FORGINIGUPSCA: That was just a sampling, friends... colleagues. I am perfectly prepared to solve this problem for you today. I will diagnose, cure, and return this patient to a normal life in just... ten minutes.

FUNNY: Impossible! That is impossible!

FORGINIGUPSCA: Impossible? Impossible, maybe for a lesser psychologist. Impossible, maybe for the second best psychologist who ever lived, but not impossible for I.

EGG: But sir, this patient has puzzled our staff for years. What you're talking about is near impossible.

FORGINIGUPSCA: Child's play. Give me his file.

FUNNY takes a small manilla envelope from the desk where the secretary is sitting and hands it to FORGINIGUPSCA.

FORGINIGUPSCA: (looking through the file) Mmmm. I see. So this man has been hording food?

FUNNY: Yes, sir. The cheese and bread we give to them before their meal each night. He eats the bread and then while chewing he puts the cheese in his breast pocket. Then when he gets to his room he places the cheese under the mattress of his bed.

EGG: We've never seen anything like it.

FORGINIGUPSCA: Well, this is a rare and a very extreme case, but have diagnosed this patient already.

FUNNY: (excited) You have?

FORGINIGUPSCA: Yes I have. This man is insane!

EGG: (jumping) Brilliant!

FUNNY: (looking up) How could it have eluded us for so long?

FORGINIGUPSCA: I am great.

SECRETARY: That's it? That's all you're going to say? It's possible that he's just hungry later on because the nurses don't let him go to the fridge!

FORGINIGUPSCA looks from EGG to FUNNY and back to EGG then they share a hearty laugh.

FORGINIGUPSCA: This is why the letters P, H, and D, aren't found anywhere in your name.

SECRETARY: You don't have to be any sort of psychologist or anything to see it! Shouldn't you do some more research? Why is he insane?

FORGINIGUPSCA: (In a high pitched shrill) Because he steals the cheese.

SECRETARY: But why does he steal the cheese?

FORGINIGUPSCA: Because he's insane? Don't you get it! The cheese! The cheese! He is not normal! He's craaaaaaazy!

INTERN: Come quick! Smithers is in trouble.

EGG: Not Smithers!

FUNNY: He's our best patient! Dr. Forginigupsca, can you help us?

FORGINIGUPSCA: I would be a disgrace to a noble profession if I did not. Follow me!