Quotes

Here is a collection of my favourite quotes from all three seasons of BtVS. You may notice a certain trend among these quotes (Xander! Xander! Xander!).

WILLOW: "I knew it! I knew it! Well, not 'knew it' in the sense of having the slightest idea, but I knew there was something I didn't know. You two were fighting way too much. It's not natural."
XANDER: "I know, it's weird..."
WILLOW: "Weird? It's against all laws of God and man! It's Cordelia! Remember? The 'We Hate Cordelia Club', of which you are the treasurer?"
XANDER: "I was gonna tell you..."
WILLOW: "Gee, what stopped you? Could it be shame?"
XANDER: "All right! Let's overreact, shall we?"
--Innocence

CORDELIA: "Excuse me. We did not come here to talk about Willow. We came here to do things I can never tell my father about because he still thinks I'm a good girl."
XANDER: "I just don't trust Oz with her. He's a senior, he's attractive. Okay, maybe not to me, but...oh, and he's in a band. We all know what element that kind attracts."
CORDELIA: "I've dated lots of guys in bands."
XANDER: "Thank you!"
CORDELIA: "Do you even want to be here?"
XANDER: "I'm not running away."
CORDELIA: "Because when you're not babbling about poor, defenseless Willow, you're raving about the all-powerful Buffy."
XANDER: "I do not babble. I occasionally run-on, every now and then I yammer..."
--Phases

CORDELIA: "Me? I'm not the once who embraced the black arts just to get girls to like me. Well, congratulations, it worked."
XANDER: "It would have worked fine! Except your hide's so thick not even magic can penetrate it!"
--Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered

WILLOW: "I'll give Xander a call. What's his number? Oh, yeah: 1-800-I'm-Dating-A-Skanky-Ho."
--Phases

BUFFY: "Oh, I actually knew that. I thought you meant a more specific plan, with maps and stuff."
--Choices

ANGEL: "What?"
XANDER: "You were checking out my neck! I saw that."
ANGEL: "No, I wasn't."
XANDER: "Just keep your distance, pal."
ANGEL: "I wasn't looking at your neck."
XANDER: "I told you to eat before we left."
--Prophecy Girl

XANDER: "I like the quiet."
--The Zeppo

XANDER: "I'm seventeen. Looking at linoleum makes me want to have sex."
--Innocence

JENNY: "Cordelia is going to meet us."
XANDER: "Ooh, gang, did you hear that? A bonus day of class, plus Cordelia! Mix in a little bit of rectal surgery and it's my best day ever!"
--The Dark Age

GILES: "I can't believe you'd be fool enough to do something like this."
XANDER: "Oh no, I'm twice the fool it takes to do something like this."
--Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered

WILLOW: "...that they had...they had...you know...Uh, you do know, right?"
GILES: "Oh, yes. Sorry."
WILLOW: "Oh, good. Because I just realized, you being a librarian and all, maybe you didn't know."
--Passion

XANDER: "Giles lived for school. He's still bitter there were only twelve grades."
BUFFY: "He probably sat in math class thinking, There should be more math! This could be mathier."
--The Dark Age

GILES: "The more I study the Judge, the less I like him. His touch can literally burn the humanity out of you. A true creature of evil can survive the process. No human ever has."
XANDER: "So what's the problem? We send Cordy to fight this guy and we go for pizza."
--Surprise

JENNY: "Rupert, I know you feel betrayed."
GILES: "Yes, that's one of the unpleasant side effects of betrayal."
--Passion

XANDER: "Someone else's loss is my chocolaty goodness."
--Nightmares

XANDER: "It's a delicious, spongy, golden cake, stuffed with a delightful, white creamy substance of goodness. And here's how you eat it...Good, huh? And the exciting part is, they have no ingredients that a human can pronounce. So it doesn't leave you with that heavy food feeling in your stomach."
--Inca Mummy Girl

XANDER: "Okay. On sleazing extra candy. Tears are key. Tears'll usually get you a double-bagger. You can also try the old 'you missed me' routine-but it's risky. Only go there for chocolate. Understood?"
--Halloween

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