Schrader: Ask me about my wiener!

Schrader: Who was that?
Bartleby: Oh, that's our mascot
Schrader: A sandwich? You're the SHIT Sandwiches?

Uncle Ben: You know a lot of people say that college is a time when young men and women expand the way that they look at their world when they open their mind to new ideas and experiences and when they begin that long journey form the innocence of Youth, to the responsibilities of Adulthood... now isn't that a load of horse shit! AHAHAHAHA!

Bartleby: Uh, Dean Lewis why don't you tell them a little bit about the philosophy here at South Harmon?
Uncle Ben: Look, we throw a lot of fancy words in front of these kids in order to attract them to going to school in the belief that their gonna have a better life, and we know that all were doing is breeding a whole new generation of buyers and sellers, BUYERS AND SELLERS! Pimps and whores, PIMPS AND WHORES! and indoctrinating them into a life long hell of debt and indecision!
Jack Gaines: I... I,I, I just don't understand...
Uncle Ben: DO I HAVE TO SPOON FEED IT TO YA? look, there's only one reason that kids want to go to school...
Bartleby: Holy Shit...
Jack Gaines: ...Which is?
Uncle Ben: ...To get a good job... To get a good job, with a great starting salary.
Jack Gaines: Couldn't agree more.
Diane Gaines: So refreshing to have somebody approach education so rationally!
Uncle Ben: Fuckin eh! Bartleby: What the hell happened?
Glen: An explosion of flavor. I'm working with some very unstable herbs.

Glen: Ten thousand dollars each that's like 74-million dollars.
Rory: No, Glen it's one million.
Glen: Sure... in human money.

Schrader: Bartleby, this is bad! This is serious! This is so much worse than that time we stole your mom's birth control pills and Lizzie was born!

Schrader: *after screaming long and high-pitched* I would appreciate it if you guys didn't tell anyone I scream like that.