Doug: All right I'm taking you home.
Lady: And who the hell are you?

Doug: Ask for Kenneth, he does Nirvana.

Andy: You know the definition for concerige? It's French, for asshole.

Lady: So you're screwing the new Jullian Russell girl?
Lady #2: You think you have trouble, my husband is screwing Jullian Russell.

Doug: I don't scurry. I take the subway like any other animal.

Doug: I'm a genie in a suit, just rub me and make a wish.