The Dean
   Leaps tall buildings in a single bound.  Is more powerful than a locomotive.
Is faster than a speeding bullet.  Walks on water.  Gives policy to God.

The Department Head
   Leaps short buildings in a single bound.  Is more powerful than a switch
engine.  Is just as fast as a speeding bullet.  Talks with God.

Professor
   Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds.  Is almost as
powerful as a switch engine.  Is faster than a speeding BB.  Walks on water in
an indoor swimming pool.  Talks with God if a special request is honored.

Associate Professor
   Barely clears a quonset hut.  Loses tug of war with a locomotive.  Can fire a
speeding bullet.  Swims well.  Is occasionally addressed by God.

Assistant Professor
   Makes high marks on the walls when trying to leap tall buildings.  Is run
over by locomotives.  Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting
self-injury.  Treads water.  Talks to animals.

Instructor
   Climbs walls continually.  Rides the rails.  Plays Russian Roulette.  Walks
on thin ice.  Prays a lot.

Graduate Student
   Runs into buildings.  Recognizes locomotives two out of three times.  Is not
issued ammunition.  Can stay afloat with a life jacket.  Talks to walls.

Undergraduate Student
   Falls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings.  Says "Look at the
choo-choo".  Wets himself with a water pistol.  Plays in mud puddles.  Mumbles
to himself.

Department Secretary
   Lifts buildings and walks under them.  Kicks locomotives off the tracks. 
Catches speeding bullets in her teeth and eats them.  Freezes water with a
single glance.  She IS God.

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