"In Rememberance"spoken by Giles Jenny, you know I'm not much for praying, but I don't know what else to do. Funny, isn't it. I, the Watcher, the one who usually has an answer to everything, is lost. I was able to talk to you about magik and spells; things I couldn't discuss with Buffy or Willow, but now I can't anymore. I don't know how to prevent myself from doing the same thing he did. I want to avenge your death. Angelus should die for the crime he has committed against you, but it is too dangerous. He is much stronger then I. Buffy and the others have advised me against it and I know that if you were here you'd agree with them. So I will head your unspoken word. Oh, what I wouldn't give to be able to talk with you; to see your smile; to hear your laugh; to hear you call me "England" or "snobby"; to feel your light touch as you leave the room one last time. The thought of the time we spent apart these last few weeks makes me sick. Had I only know our days together were so few, I would have forgotten the now silly reasons I stayed away and I would have spent those days with you. I would've told you how empty life was before you came, and all the lessons I learned, ... and that I loved you. I've burried many people as a result of my job Jenny; you were the first I ever loved. Things were so much easier when you were here. I was lost before you found me. I was alone and my job was my life. I never did anything and sometimes I never even bothered to go home because there was nothing and no one to go home to. I was trapped in the library; trapped with my books; trapped in this wretched life. And then you came to town; to this place, and like a gift from some divine being, you brought me my freedom. You made me see things differently. Suddenly I found that there were things outside of work that were worthwhile to do. My life took on new meaning; those things took on new meaning because I could share them with you. You completed me; made me whole; made me a better Watcher because now I had contact with the outside world. I had contact with you. And then as quickly as you came into my life and filled it with such great joy and companionship, you were taken away from me, and I crumbled like tall buildings during a California quake. The next few days were pure hell. Every night I saw you lying dead on my bed where that demon had left you. Every morning I'd wish it were a dream. But it wasn't. I couldn't eat nor sleep, but somehow I found enough energy to work. Non-stop. My work became my life again, in hopes that I would forget this tragedy; in hopes that it had all been a fantastic dream. But that was not so. I cut off everyone. And then Buffy got sick and I had to protrol and in that instant I realized what had happend to me. I eventually found; I remembered that you had always hated it when I made books and research my first priority, and not the outside world, my Slayer, or you. I realized that by not morning your death I was dishonoring your memory, and I will never do that! I promise you that that will never happen and that you will always be remembered. You were the best thing that ever happened to me and as much as I want to have you here, physically by my side, I know that it is not possible. But I do know that you will always be here with me. Standing over me, helping me to recover; to move on. That's what you would do; that's what you would want. You know, Jenny, there are two kinds of tears. Tears for those who leave you and tears for those who you never let go. And I won't say goodbye to you Jenny, because I know we'll be together again, one day. --Angelfan (Some text here is quoted from a Xena: Warrior Princess episode titled "The Quest", and are probably copyright of Rob Tapert or something. For a list of these quotes, please contact kids@cape.com. Thank you.) |