Quotes: RAW is WAR
January 3, 2000
Live from the American Airlines Arena in Miami, FL
We open without fireworks in the Rock's hometown. The Rock comes to the ring to address his people; Triple H and Steph come out and announce the big matches for the night, including a handicap "you're fired" match for the Rock. Too Cool (w/ Rikishi Phatu) vs. the Dudley Boyz; Mean Street Posse, Acolytes interfere. Interview backstage with the Acolytes. Kane (w/ edited entrance music and Tori) vs. Kurt Angle; Steve Blackman interferes. Stephanie announces Chris Jericho and Chyna as joint-holders of the IC title and when one loses, they both lose. WWF Intercontinental championship: Chyna (C, w/ the Kat [C]) vs. Hardcore Holly (w/ Crash Holly); Jericho (C) on color and interference. WWF Championship: the Big Show (C) vs. Triple H (w/ Steph and D-X). The Big Boss Man (C)/Prince Albert vs. Test/Fabulous Moolah (w/ Harvey Wippleman)/Mae Young (w/ Mark Henry). The Acolytes (w/ arms tied) vs. the Mean Street Posse; Dudley Boyz interfere. D-X airs a movie, "Have a Bad Day," featuring a skit with Mankind at the unemployment office. Cage match: Jeff Hardy (w/ Matt Hardy and Terri) vs. Al Snow (w/ Head); Terri gets locked into the cage with Jeff and Snow. "Have a Bad Day" pt. 2 airs, with Mankind at a children's hospital. Backstage, Patterson and Brisco bid their farewells to the Rock. "Have a Bad Day" pt. 3 airs, with Mankind at a book signing. Backstage, the Rock invades the D-X locker room. Handicap "You're Fired" match, no DQ: the Rock vs. the New Age Outlaws and X-Pac.
"It's the first RAW of the new millennium! Hello again, everybody; we are live in the new American Airlines Arena in Miami, Florida! I'm Jim Ross, alongside Jerry "the King" Lawler... and what a night this is going to be, King! The McMahon-Helmsley era, the reign of terror, continues here tonight on RAW!"
-- J.R. kicking us off
"The Rock has finally returned home to Miami, Florida!"
-- J.R. as the Rock heads out in bizarre leopard coat
"The House the Rock Built"
-- sign in the crowd
"Who's Getting Fired Tonight?"
-- sign in the crowd
"I started to say the Rock looks like a million bucks, but I think he looks like millions and millions of bucks!"
-- Lawler
"On this day, one thousand years from now, in the year 3000, when the historians look back and wonder what the sound was that encompassed this millennium, the Rock says it was the sound of the people chanting his name!"
"ROCK-Y! ROCK-Y! ROCK-Y!"
-- the Rock (the absolute epitome of "over") and the crowd
"Seeing as how this is the very first year of the Rock's millennium, the Rock has but one resolution. Simply put, the Rock says he will be THE best damn WWF champion there ever was!"
-- the Rock
"Mick, the Rock realizes you gave fifteen hard-earned years in this business; the very business the Rock grew up in. And the way you were fired, the way you were put out of the WWF, the Rock says, it was the biggest PILE, of monkey CRAP, the Rock has ever seen!" (crowd pop) "Now, speaking of monkey crap... Triple H..."
-- the Rock
"Triple H, the Rock knows you are back there listening. So the Rock says, if you have an ounce, an inch, a SHRED of hair on your ass, then you will come on out here, go one-on-one with the Great One... look this Brahma Bull in the eyes, so this Brahma Bull can take his horns, shine 'em up real nice, turn 'em sideways, and STICK 'EM STRAIGHT UP YOUR CANDY ASS!"
-- the Rock
"They're running the show, whether we like it or not."
-- J.R. as the Helmsleys come out onto the stage
"Asshole! Asshole! Asshole!"
-- a crowd chant, revving up just as Triple H was about to speak
"First of all... Rock, I passed an old lady in the back on my way up here; she said she wants her jacket back!"
-- Triple H
"You remember that match, Rock? The one where YOU fired Mick Foley?"
"No no..."
"No, he's got a point there, J.R.!"
-- Triple H, J.R., and Lawler
"Tonight, in a handicap match, the Rock will go... not one-on-one but one-on-three! And, Rock, if you do not win that match, your ass is FIRED!"
-- Triple H
"If anybody interferes in that match tonight, THEY will be fired on the spot!"
-- Triple H adding stips to the main event
"Spit it out, Rock; I don't have all day!"
-- an impatient Triple H as the Great One prepares to speak
"The Rock just wants to know exactly who it is you had in mind for his opponents?"
"Well, I'll tell you, Rock--"
"It doesn't MATTER who you had in mind!"
-- the Rock and Triple H
"Very good... VERY good, Pavlov!"
-- Triple H (is it me or does the crowd start barking?)
"X-Pac sucks! X-Pac sucks! X-Pac sucks!"
-- the crowd as D-X rushes the ring to attack the Rock
"Rikishi IS Mr. Ass"
-- sign in the crowd
"Full Nelson, face-first takedown by Grandmaster Sexay..."
"You said it right! Congratulations!"
-- J.R. and Lawler
"Be careful of Scotty's hair! It's on Viagra!"
-- Lawler
"You talk about the Dudley death drop..."
-- Lawler as Rikishi does a modified, over-the-shoulder piledriver on D-Von
"Stand up! Bust a move! You can do it!"
-- Lawler to J.R. as the Too Cool dancing begins
"You want to start a fight with us, you'd better be willing to stay 'til it's over!"
"Let me tell you something. If we each had a dollar bill for all the ass we've kicked, we BOTH would be billionaires!"
-- Bradshaw and Faarooq backstage
"Tonight, if you hit Kane with that kendo stick, you're fired. You got it? Clear enough?"
-- Triple H laying down the law to Steve Blackman
"Why would Blackman hit Kane with a kendo stick?"
"Let me see... Blackman would hit Kane with a kendo stick because Kurt Angle is going to be wrestling Kane. You see, I made a new year's resolution. One is to be the World Wrestling Federation champ. Two is to end Kurt Angle's winning streak."
-- Stephanie and Triple H backstage
"Hold on a sec! Now, many people may think that this very well could be the end of my incredible reign as the ONLY undefeated wrestler here in the World Wrestling Federation. But fret not, my fans! Because it is *I* who have the advantage!"
-- Kurt Angle (possibly delusional) before his match with Kane
"Well, Kane has heard all he wants to hear from the gold medal-winning Olympian... I think Angle needs another "I" there, King... insurance!"
-- J.R.
"Well, we all know the truth of the matter is, ever since the fire, Kane's only had one eye!"
"Oh, stop it!"
-- Lawler and J.R.
"Blackman just nailed Angle! And the referee calling for the bell..."
"Ladies and gentlemen, the winner by disqualification, and still undefeated, Kurt Angle!"
-- J.R. and Lilian Garcia
"THAT'S not going to make Triple H very happy."
-- Lawler as Angle struggles to get up
"Mr. Referee... who do YOU think is the World Wrestling Federation Intercontinental champion?"
"Without a shadow of a doubt, Chyna."
(crowd pops)
"Well then, let's have Chyna come on down to the ring!"
"There it is! I told ya, J.R.!"
-- Steph, a referee, and a comment from Lawler at the end
"I'll tell ya one thing... Chris Jericho's gonna be hot about this!"
-- Lawler as Chyna walks out
"But it seems as though we have another referee to ask! Mr. Referee, who do YOU think is the Intercontinental champion?"
"Most definitely Chris Jericho."
(crowd pops)
"Chris... come on down!"
-- Steph and the other referee
"It seems as though the popular sentiment lends to Jericho, as far as the crowd here is concerned..."
-- J.R.
"I thought a lot of the females were cheering for Chris Jericho, but it sounded like a lot of the males were for Chyna!"
"So they seem to be divided along gender lines."
"It's just weird that I'M for Chyna and YOU'RE for Chris Jericho..."
-- Lawler and J.R.
"YOU lost! YOU lost!"
-- Miss Kitty (the Kat) taunting Jericho as Stephanie decides on who the champ is
"Chyna... AND Chris Jericho are BOTH the Intercontinental champion." (crowd boos) "Now what that means is that only one of you can defend the title at a time, and should you lose-- I suggest you listen, Chris, this is very important to you-- should one of you lose, you BOTH lose the championship."
-- Steph making her decision
"I don't give a rat's ass WHO the champion is!"
"That's me; I'm the champ."
"Well, seeing as how you're the champ, I want a title shot tonight, and I want it right now!"
"Well Bob, why don't you come get it?"
-- Hardcore Holly and Chyna, plus a comment from Steph at the end
"J.R., that was the worst decision that Stephanie McMahon has ever made! She decided to go out in public with that rat's nest of a hairstyle she has!"
-- Jericho, joining J.R. and Lawler on commentary
"This is an absolute travesty of justice!"
-- Jericho continuing to rant
J.R.: "The Intercontinental title is on the line, Chris, and Chyna is defending the title, apparently for both you and her!"
JERICHO: "She's not--"
J.R.: "If she loses, you're a loser too!"
LAWLER: "But wait a minute, Chris! You're-- well, you're a champion, too! So to speak."
JERICHO: "I'm still the champion! I never lost the damn belt!"
"I'm still the champion; don't you understand? If it's a draw, the champion still retains! This is another conspiracy from the WWF front office, and from the ridiculous McMahon-Helmsley era!"
-- Jericho
"Get up, Chyna! You'd better get up; you're not going to spoil this for me!"
-- Jericho yelling at a fallen Chyna
"Beware of Tazz"
-- sign in the crowd
"How close was that? Triple H barely, and I mean BARELY, able to get a shoulder off the canvas."
-- J.R.
"Look at D-X... just like an entire cheerleading section up there!"
-- Lawler
"Look at the size of his hands! They engulf Triple H's head!"
-- J.R. on the Big Show
"Can you hear me? J.R., I almost got knocked out!"
-- Lawler after the Big Show comes tumbling into the announce table
"Triple H is the new World Wrestling Federation champion!"
-- J.R. as D-X rushes the ring to celebrate
"Look at this! It's like new year's all over again, J.R.!"
-- Lawler as fireworks explode above the ring
"It's raining D-X in Miami!"
-- Lawler as confetti falls from the ceiling
"Happy new millennium; happy new champion!"
-- Lawler as green and black balloons fall from the ceiling as well, and D-X catches Triple H up in celebratory hugs
"J.R., I watched the new millennium being ushered in all around the world, but no celebration anywhere in the world equaled this one! This was the most heartwarming, heartfelt, wonderful celebration--"
"Oh, God..."
"What?"
"You're making me SICK!"
-- Lawler and J.R.
"Mae and Moolah are the partners... what kind of cruel, cruel joke is that, perpetrated by Triple H and Stephanie?"
-- J.R. as Test's mystery partners in his battle against Boss Man and Albert are revealed
"Climb up on the ring there, you two old fossils! Help your partner!"
-- Lawler as Moolah and Mae come down to the ring
"Be careful what you ask for, J.R.! You just might get it!"
-- Lawler as the Acolytes come out with one arm tied behind their backs
"This is almost like a setup!"
"*Almost?*"
-- J.R. and Lawler as the Dudley Boyz charge out to help the Posse attack the Acolytes
"Look at the Posse! They've taken off their leather belts, and they're whipping the Acolytes like the Acolytes were government mules!"
-- J.R. (haven't heard THAT one in a while)
"Hey, you need to give those Dudley Boyz a bonus for what just went on out there!"
-- Road Dogg taking joy in watching his Royal Rumble opponents get beaten; he is addressing Triple H (covered in confetti) and Steph (wearing the WWF championship belt)
"Break it down!"
"D-Generation X Productions, in association with Helmsley McMahon Studios. A Triple H film starring Mankind-- Have a Bad Day."
-- the musical score (a slower version of the D-X theme) and trailers on the TitanTron as D-X offers the crowd a screening of their latest hijinks
"Hi, my name's Mankind..."
"Welcome to the unemployment office, kid. I'm Harry. Harry Sacks."
"Nice to meet you, Mr. Sacks!"
-- Mankind (actually Mideon) and the unemployment office guy (Triple H), "Have a Bad Day" pt. 1
"What kinda skills you got? What can you do?"
"Well, I can jump off of a cage onto a table... I can get hit in the head thirty-seven times with a chair and not have any... not have any... not have any damage... I can... get hit in the head thirty-seven times with a chair and not have any..."
-- the unemployment office guy and Mankind, "Have a Bad Day" pt. 1
"That McMahon-Helmsley era, they did everybody a favor, they did all the fans a favor; they got rid of ya! You're killing the product, son!"
"Well, I-- I don't--"
"Let's face it; you're a sellout!"
"I'm not--"br>
"You don't do any hardcore anymore, you don't fall off cages, you don't take chair shots..."
"I've got a family to think of now!"
"You're basically a muppet. You walk around with a sock in your hand making stupid jokes!"
"It's in my pants; it's not in my hand!"
-- the unemployment office guy and Mankind, "Have a Bad Day" pt. 1
"Kid, you're pathetic. Now get outta my office before I beat your ass like Triple H did!"
"Oh, not another beating!"
-- the unemployment office guy and Mankind, "Have a Bad Day" pt. 1
"What about that hideous film, "Have a Bad Day?"
"What do you mean, "hideous film?"
"It's pretty self-explanatory..."
"It was EPIC!"
-- J.R. and Lawler
"What's he doing? What the heck is-- Al Snow just shoved Terri into the steel cage!"
"I don't think Al quite understands the concept of this cage match stuff."
-- J.R. and Lawler
"Terri, get out of there! That's dangerous for her to even be in there!"
"Doggone right it's dangerous!"
-- Lawler and J.R. as Jeff Hardy tries to get Terri out of the cage, only to find Al Snow has chained the door shut
"Can *I* get in there?"
-- Lawler eying Terri
"If you can climb over the top, have at it!"
-- J.R.'s response to Lawler
"There's no way to know what's going through the mind of Al Snow right now..."
"Well, he's an idiot!"
-- Lawler and J.R.
"What's this? Oh God, it's the fat Fink again..."
-- J.R. as Howard Finkel announces the airing of "Have a Bad Day," pt. 2
"It's like the Star Wars trilogy!"
-- Lawler
"Hey! Who the hell are you?"
"I'm Mankind! I cam here; I saw that this children's hospital was open and I was just looking for some children to entertain, because I'm really good at that."
"Hey... you Mankind! You fat loser; you got fire on TV!"
-- a children's hospital doctor and Mankind, "Have a Bad Day" pt. 2
"You cannot be here! I Doctor Hung Lo; I call security!"
"Did you say Doctor Hung Lo?"
"Me Hung Lo. Hey, you know that guy, Triple H?"
"Yeah, I know Triple H..."
"Him over big-time! Over! He huge! You get HIM come, you come see kid any time want."
"Well, okay... hey, wait a minute! He's the guy that fired me!"
-- a children's hospital doctor and Mankind, "Have a Bad Day" pt. 2
"You get fat ass outta here! You a loser! Don't come back without Triple H, either!"
-- the children's hospital doctor after beating up Mankind, "Have a Bad Day" pt. 2
(Backstage, the Rock is pacing in his dressing room. Nearby, Patterson and Brisco are sitting with their heads down, looking depressed. The Rock is largely ignoring them)
PATTERSON: "Rock, I don't feel comfortable about this match. I would sure hate to see you get fired. God, I really don't feel good about that, Rock!"
BRISCO: "Rock, I'm worried too... good luck; we're sure gonna miss you, Rock..."
(The Rock's head snaps around and he stops pacing to stare at them)
PATTERSON: "I hate it!"
THE ROCK: "Whoa whoa whoa... you two jabronis should know your roles and SHUT YOUR MOUTHS! The Rock says this-- you have enough nerve and gall to come in and say you're going to miss the Rock? The Rock is the people's champion, which means he's not going anywhere!"
(Patterson shakes his head sorrowfully)
THE ROCK: "The Rock says, Triple, H, bring them ALL on! Bring the entire roody poo crew on!"
(The Rock points at Brisco)
THE ROCK: "You keep popping your chops; the Rock will slap the yellow off your teeth just like that! Who let you two jabronis in the Rock's locker room anyway?"
(The Rock stomps out, as Patterson and Brisco blame each other for the intrusion)
"Put down that champagne, Roadie."
-- Stephanie admonishing the Road Dogg backstage, who is immensely enjoying the championship celebration
"What's this, more movie! Give me some popcorn!"
-- Lawler as "Have a Bad Day" pt. 3 revs up
"Heellllooo... where is everybody?"
-- Mankind (looking very pathetic) at a book signing, "Have a Bad Day" pt. 3
"I thought the people still loved me! I thought they'd come out for this one at least!"
"I tell ya what... you're not very bright... you smell pretty bad..."
-- Mankind (trying to sell his book "I Got Fired") and a bookstore owner, "Have a Bad Day" pt. 3
"What are you gonna do, crybaby? You gonna cry 'cause I fired ya? You gonna cry?"
"Stick this sock down your throat is what I'm gonna do!"
"You gonna threaten me with a sock? I'll beat yo ass like Triple H did!"
"...Have a nice day?"
"Have a nice day?"
-- the bookstore owner and Mankind as the bookstore owner kicks Mankind's ass, "Have a Bad Day" pt. 3
"This is like a public execution, J.R.!"
-- Lawler as the Rock is attacked
"Who's gonna be stupid enough to try and help the Rock?"
-- J.R.
"The Rock is being dismantled! The Rock is being physically dissected by D-X!"
-- J.R. (who else?)
"Those are three world-class--"
"Hey, hey!"
"--superstars."
"Oh. I thought you were going to say something that might get you fired, J.R.!"
-- J.R. and Lawler on D-X
"J.R., it doesn't really matter if they're in the ring or not..."
"Well it does to me, damn it!"
-- Lawler and J.R.
"Wait-- IT'S MANKIND! IT'S MICK FOLEY!!"
"What's he doing here; he's FIRED!"
-- J.R. and Lawler as Mick Foley comes tumbling out of the crowd and creams D-X with a chair
"Miracles do happen!"
-- J.R. as Rock gets the pinfall
"I don't believe it! Rock was fired, damn it!"
-- Lawler
"Mick Foley, fired or not, just saved the Rock's ass!"
-- J.R.
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